karyn's blog is pants

oh its bad
whatever you do, dont check out karyn's blog
its shit
not just shit
but that type of shit that sticks to your boot
gets stuck between the tready bits
and needs hours of retching poking at with sticks to come off
awww its awful
that blog of karyns
i mean, paedophilic, rainforest destroying, whale slaughtering, goose liver fattening with sticks, jeff kennet loving, creed digging, racist, biggoted, genocide performing americans could do better than that!
ive had more fun with my nipples sliced off by razor blades
much more giggles to be had there than reading karyns blog
it shouldnt really be called a blog
i mean 'log' or 'bog' would be far more apt
thats the kind of stuff shes backing out onto the net
wowwwa its drivel that blog of karyns
looks like it was typed by a gnu with cataracts and hoof rot
i will probably be sued by a gnu rights association now
for being so horrid as to compare them with karyns blog
man, its dire that blog of karyns
and the photos, yech!
looks like the people in them fell off the top of mt uglyverest
and hit every ugly stone, boulder, glacier, abominable snowman, oxygen tank, frozen dead geezer and mincing machine on the way down
id rather ram a hot poker in my left eye than read karyns blog
its THAT bad!
its that kind of bollocks you only find under some old mans foreskin
its so bad that its like buying a new t shirt and getting it home to discover it already has stains under the armpits!
echhhhhhhhh its rough!
like that grit you get between your toes
when a whole year of it is baked together in a cake and served with john howard sauce
beavis could eat nothing but garlic and horse vomit and then shit in a jar
leave the jar locked underground in a nuclear bunker
open it with stale urine covered gloves after 12 years
and itd still not stink as bad as karyns blog!
i heard she works in a library
what kind of library is that?
one with sticks with shit on them filed in random order coz ooga booga the bogeyman told someone in a dream?
id bet that kids that go into that library would actually come out more stupid than before
awful awful blog
with any luck she will get eaten by some papua new guinean bloke and her blog will get a blog eating virus that will destroy any trace of it ever existing
yuckkkkkkkkkkkk, that karyns blog
I thought i felt grim after drinking 3 tubs of starch last week
but that was a party of naked dancing girls with fairyfloss compared to karyns blog
unpleasant?! man i thought gerard was unfortunate
hes positively monica bellucci compared to karyns blog and its filth peddling
i thought the geneva convention was put in place to stop this kind of evil...
dont blame me, i voted 3RRR
http://karyns-blog.blogspot.com/

una vita da mediano - Luciano Ligabue

he makes me go all squiffy,
because he's worth it...

una vita da mediano
a recuperar palloni
nato senza i piedi buoni
lavorare sui polmoni
una vita da mediano
con dei compiti precisi
a coprire certe zone
a giocare generosi
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
una vita da mediano
da chi segna sempre poco
che il pallone devi darlo
a chi finalizza il gioco
una vita da mediano
che natura non ti ha dato
nè lo spunto della punta
nè del 10 che peccato
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
stai lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai
finche ce n'hai
stai lì
una vita da mediano
da uno che si brucia presto
perché quando hai dato troppo
devi andare e fare posto
una vita da mediano
lavorando come Oriali
anni di fatica e botte e
vinci casomai i mondiali
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
stai lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai
finchè ce n'hai
stai lì

i never was a boxer rebel

there was a film going on
i know coz i saw it
there were plenty of geezers
the end of the line
there was a mountain backdrop
that said, it must have been south east london!
yep, it was a dream
it was that place where the fillum was set
dont ask me what fillum
it was the place where i had gone to do that
no, thats not right
to do this
anyway, i knew all about it at the time
and i was a self appointed expert
then i was there
not doing what i had been there for where art for before
that as a relief
there was Daddy-o
wandering past them chain pubs
the fuck off and firkin
each one more recognizable than the last
sitting outside one
chatting to some semi threatening, but not really yobs
one had a most ridiculous/coolest car thing you ever saw
depending on your point of view
dont block it out!
a white motor with 2 little wheels in the undercarriage
apparently for bouncing up and down as they do in god bless america
and a remote control
but he sent it into a tree
trying to be impressed
not wanting trub, the kind that is always just about to show up with these twats
catching the tube, but cant get off
too slow to move
cranky brits muttering about it
not sure why
Dad on the platform
see you at the next stop
i shouted
there he was...
apparently it didnt matter...
next scene
same suburb
i knew it had to be the souf east coz the mountains were there
i explained to a local
he humoured me
tells me 'you should meet blahdy blah, he lives here'
ive never heard of blahdy blah
then, the same place
but with a different kez
same theme pubs
same disillusionment
the endless line of high street eateries
each more predictable than the last
downstairs scofferies or upstairs uncomfortable seateries
why must it be like this?
damn silly country if only somebody asked me
we had to go down to the tube station
or was it the mainline
bloody junkies
sister sludge was on her way
no idea why
vending machines and dirty air
why so grim my beloved albion?
trains to brighton ?! whizzing by
figger that one out.

whats the matter with him?

he's alright
speak for yourself
the love of man
right from the bottom
to the top
little man
big suit
maybe some glasses
foie gras
fat liver
stuff it all down with a stick
its okay we are flemish
stop baking tents
more dongs about mildew and lewd
butane in trite
hunts in a pipeline
beaking in bungs
balking reds; 7/11
gear of shoeslick
the name of this band is fucking cazzo
blue whories
spittle leeches
steakbread
tripe slices

Barton Fink Wallpaper

wallpaper cant ring bells, dillweed

if you're listening Ed, give us a call

why Ed Kuepper is great
by Ed Kuepper
and special contributions by Chris Bailey
perhaps...
Ed is great
not just 'great' but really GREAT
now why is ed so great you may ignorantly ask
well, he is great because he is not a mortal
no, ed will live on when all you lot are decomposing underground
greating around like greatness was invented just for his benefit
which it was...
lets put ed in context
not great as in great britain
thats a misnomer that couldnt be applied to ed
i mean
putting england-small rah,scotland-rah and wales-rah rah
into one country about the size of victoria doesnt really cut it as great
at least not in the ed sense of great
alexander the great? shouldve been called alexander the pants
and gay and of ill defined nationality. Ed would have taken india without breaking a sweat and NEVER would have been poisoned by some panty waist when just about to take the arabian peninsula.
boring
ramses the great? get bent
compared to ed, all he did was ponce about with eyeliner on and spent his whole life working on an iconic symbol to ensure his fame thousands of years into the future. Ed could have one of those, but hes too cool.
boring
'great balls of fire', bollocks!
more like piffling nad globules of a bit of smog wafting off them
ed actually invented rock and roll, some black bloke in the 60's was just copying him, typical...
'great expectations' i hear you whimper?
rubbish! compared to eds genius itd be called lame-o vague hopes of mediocrity
ed could write a much better book than charles dickhead about social inequalities in victorian britain if he felt like it, he just didnt, so bog off!
'great barrier reef', ptoooheys!
just a mish mash assortment of dead sealife with no real attraction, if you were to ask ed. Now, if ed were a barrier reef, thatd be something to marvel at and put your goggles on and stick yer bum in the air about. You might even catch a great tune underwater!
'great southern stand', barf and schlarf!
if ed had designed a stand, it wouldnt be just bits of steel and concrete! itd be a whole new defining moment in standage. like when ed invented classical music and got ripped off by beethoven, ravel, bach, the pompino bros et al. lightweights!
'great wall of china', a deficient childs play!
Ed would never have needed to build a big load of old lego bits to keep the mongolian hordes out. He would have enthralled and entranced them with some heavenly tunes from a nearby hill and they would have ended up bringing flowers to him and writing poetry to the local han population.
you almost get the picture, you cant really get it coz you arent as cool as ed. Indeed ed has also; invented punk before those ramones fools or the sux pistols, got skinny, got fat, got a beard, shaved it off.defeated communism with song called, ed is great, no really, he bloody well is and dont try to argue, coz you arent as cool as ed, invented time travel, designed a cure for aids but then burnt it coz he couldnt be bothered with all the pressure man, proved the earth is lemon jelly shaped, abolished child literacy, held the record for the most amount of paddle pops in your mouth, implemented an atheist caliphate over previously backward arab and asian countries, got off with george bush snr behind the bike sheds, discovered alien life forms and then made a hat out of them, AND really shown chris bailey by not letting him say anything on this blog, hah!

I'm not exactly talking about my friend George

ants in your pants?
seems that way
sneak orf to the lamb and flag
but its not really the lamb and flag
its a larf innit?
no
but its got a pretty silly name
so, how about a bargain pizzavis?
dont mind if he does
check out the jugs on that bar
yummy yummy yummy
how old is that bloke with no legs?
pretty bloody old
he'll be heading south again
too much noise
too much blahdy blah
somebody was sick of shouting
might've been me
cyrllic adaption
there goes whats his knobs
or his dibs
never his hibs
and why not?
no pint on punk for you
the greyhound has bolted
its back to back George
firstly an ickle stop orf
in the lane bar
really luverly decor man
clawwwwsy
then a short trip early doors to the public bar
my little toilet
lavatory no tho
leoning all over the bah humbug
sticking earrings in your not ear
what was that all about
jagermeister shots?
what was he thinking?
bloody pissedvis
probably lots of banging on
willy koder?
what the fuck?
blah blah bocs
that was odd
sheya batemen
somebody's nose on a fort
more beer
english ladies intent on chatter
this is a low

hear hear

The Guardian Online, 20/05/2007
Nimer Sultany

Natives, not immigrants

Palestinian citizens are not immigrants to Israel; they had lived in their homeland long before Israel became a reality.

As the native sons and daughters of Palestine, the Palestinian citizens in Israel are always amused by the arguments: "If you do not like your inferior status - you can leave; if you define yourself as a Palestinian and sympathise with the Palestinian struggle for freedom and self-determination - you can join your brothers and sisters in Palestine."

Of course those making these arguments do not note the irony underpinning their thinking:

First, immigrants - including recent immigrants like cabinet minister Avigdor Lieberman - or descendents of immigrants are asking the indigenous population to leave their own homeland.

Second, through designing state policies, institutionalised discrimination, and a popular culture of hate, they are making the lives of the natives unbearable in the hope they will be "encouraged" to leave.

Third, these arguments are presupposing the false assumption that the Palestinian minority is a minority of immigrants like the Turks in Germany or the Pakistanis in the United Kingdom. As a minority of immigrants they are supposed, so goes the argument, to adjust to their new country of choice and bear the consequences of alienation with the new reality and symbols of the state. They cannot seriously have complaints about their status because they themselves had chosen to migrate to this state. If they do not like it they might migrate again.

Those same persons using this kind of argument will be appalled when anybody answers their complaints concerning "Arab hostility" to Israel and "terrorist attacks" by saying: "You had chosen to immigrate to Palestine and establish a state in the Middle East in an Arab region on the expense of the indigenous people. If you do not like this reality you can leave."

The fact of the matter is the Palestinian citizens did not immigrate to Israel; rather they had lived in their homeland long before Israel became a reality.

Fourth, another irony is the fact that Israeli policies themselves are preventing the emergence of a Palestinian state. By refusing to withdraw from the occupied land, destroying the Palestinian authority in the recent intifada, building more and more colonies and expanding Greater Jerusalem, building a separation wall inside the West Bank, refusing to engage in any meaningful negotiations in more than six years, rejecting and boycotting the democratically elected Palestinian officials (whether Arafat or Hamas government), destroying the Palestinian economy (as a report by the World Bank has just indicated), and cutting the territories into isolated Bantustans - Israel is making a Palestinian state look like a remote dream.

Further, it is making the Palestinian ordinary life unbearable "encouraging" more people to immigrate. The Palestinian citizens of Israel are being asked to join this man-made reality. Just to be asked again to leave.

Of course, the knee-jerk reaction to this last argument by Israeli apologists is: "Israel will withdraw when Palestinian violence ends." This argument does not take into account that the original sin is the occupation itself and that resistance is a natural historical outcome. It does not also answer the question of building colonies and sending more Jewish settlers. It does not as well answer the question why Israel did not withdraw from the Golan Heights.

For four decades, the Syrian-Israeli ceasefire line has been among the most quiet in the world and yet there is no intention to withdraw on Israel's part; on the contrary - its colonies are flourishing. In the last year we saw how Israel turns its back to a Syrian invitation for negotiations. Finally, this argument also attempts vainly to present Israel as a victim, as reacting to events, with no political agency.

The argument "you can leave", however, is not only amusing and ironic. It is also alarming. First, it serves to justify the institutionalised discrimination against the native population. "You think it is bad? We can make it worse," or "You can have it worse elsewhere, so sit quietly." In this Zionist perspective the Palestinian is an unwelcomed and unwanted guest. As a guest the Palestinian should behave, otherwise the citizenship status will be stripped. As a guest in his homeland, the Palestinian is expected to be thankful for the leftovers of rights that the new masters of the land might grant him.

Second it is not just an argument; it is also the basis for serious policy proposals by cabinet ministers, public opinion makers and members of the Israeli parliament. There is a long list of influential politicians, academics and journalists who have proposed variations of "exchange of lands" or "exchange of populations" or even expulsion with the purpose of getting rid of the native citizens and enhancing the Jewish ethnic and ideological character of the state. Two-thirds of the Jewish majority in recent years expressed its demand from the government to "encourage" the Palestinian citizens to emigrate. And one-third of the Jewish Israelis support the expulsion of Palestinian citizens.

These proposals are part of the conception that the Palestinian citizens are a "demographic threat". A Jewish state entails the maintenance of a solid Jewish majority. Therefore, it cannot coexist with a large Palestinian minority. It has been and will always be - so long as it is defined as such - concerned by how many Arabs and Jews were born in a certain year. Every newly-born Palestinian child inside Israel is a direct threat to the demographic equation. That's why serious and prestigious institutions and conferences (such as the Herzliya Conference, the Demographic Centre, the Public Council for Demography) convene to discuss how this demographic threat should be "contained".

That's why Benny Morris lamented (including in the Guardian) the fact that Ben-Gurion did not complete his project of expulsion of the natives in 1948.

The existence of Palestinian citizens in a Jewish and Zionist state reveals the inherent contradiction of the Zionist project: you cannot have a Jewish supremacy and claim that you are democratic because you do not propose equal and universal citizenship.

I'm talking 'bout my friend George

i got an email from George the other day
I was chuffed
the second one in a month or something
now thats surprising
he's living in Taiwan of all places
last i heard he had returnd to the vaterland
to speak francais without the hook
he certainly is a man of mystery
hes married now of course
and has a daughter
i bet shes pretty
it is hard to imagine him wombling the streets of taipei
his all action army scar giving the willies to the kids
mumbling about something
getting all arsey at naughty not chinese kids
i wonder if hes got his mandarin down pat
George always liked patting things
George of the surfboard trailer on the back of the bike
chuffing of down the Gower
scarcely credible if he asked me
George of the birthday trip to Alton Towers
George of the insane blonde hair
the very first tennis ball
George of the honestly coming to visit in the Dordogne
George of the just about to come down to Genova
George of the exceptional crapness
George of the worlds ugliest skoda
George the worst Aussie accent impersonation in history
Struth you George
George of the accommodation provision in Brixton
George of the quiet chat over a guiness or 3 somewhere in central London
safe from the insane hustle outside
George of driest humour
George of the Swiss passport
George of the nose picking
George on the end of another cymbeline battering
George of the Thai restaurant in Salisbury
George of the unmentionables
George had a plan
George may have already been a man
and now the fool is living in Taiwan!

you, yes you

this is about you
not him
or her
its about you
not about missing apostrophes
or spelling errors
i cant be arsed about that
trevor didnt rate a mention
not to mention boris
whoops he just did
fancy being the topic of the least read blog in the place
dont let it go to your head
dont go and get all carried away about it
it doesnt signify any thing much
a blog couldnt signify nowt
even my devoted love blog to catherine amounted to nothing
she didnt even look at it
too busy living the whackiest life in engerland
juicy did see her devotion lite
that was touching
knowing juicy it was probably all about touching
pervy cow
but this is not about catherine or juicy
its about you
you know who you are
you know what you are wearing
you know what it feels like when your smalls ruck up
stop it now
theres no point in carrying on about it
put that thing down
he doesnt have a paper bag to call beatmeupvis
she never shat a satsuma
or is that tsatsuma
wrestling
but who are you theatre?
and neither do you theatre
something about vanessa redgrave
digression is not available on beck and call
you know why you sit that way
why your back arches when you think naughty things
how your seat winds you down
why the riddle of the nuts
and why not
where that scar came from
and the fact that you have a smole mole in that rather intimate of places
and why that dream about the man in the pink suit disturbs you so
only you can tell me that
except there are no words to communicate these things
words fail you
dreams and fears
thats what its all about

slack

innit?

guffaw guffaw

in case you think that this might be made up: www.pompino.co.nz



People in new zealand are pretty smart...

Sports and leshure activities free

Croquet; constipated idiots with big mallets biff a ball at an oversized paperclip. Cucumber sandwiches and tea anyone? Possibly not bad if you are really, really drunk. 1/10
Lacrosse; possibly a figment of someones imagination. Or maybe it's Canadian, regardless it's just pants. 1/10
Cycling; like motorcycling, but with less motor. Big races on roads are quite spectacular but the drugs are rubbish, no buzz at all. BMX bandits was bollocks. Pink t-shirts can be manly.5/10
Table tennis; clear off the dinner, its time to belt crap out of a big rice bubble. not too be taken seriously unless you can use chopsticks with your arms behind your back.4/10
Darts; the most drunken game available. fat old english blokes quaff beer and smoke fags and throw pointy things at the wall. Some bloke shouts One hundred and eeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiighty! 6/10
Dwarf Throwing; that's just not nice now is it? 0/10
Skiing; More bits of wood with people standing on them. Often going particularly fast down the side of a mountain. Spettacolare! 7/10
Luge/skelebones; lie down and hurtle down a big icy pole. Get a bit to comfy with somebody of the same gender. Hopefully fall off at great speed. 6/10
Ski jumping; like skiing, except no turning, just flying off a big ramp. great to look at, but is it really a sport? 6/10
Rock climbing; climbing on rocks, with special appeal no nerds who find fake rocks in doors and climb on them.2/10
Boxing; either a sport of gods, a true test of strength and courage or just 2 muscle brained fools beating each other up. The champion is.... nobody knows because there are 14 different championships. 4/10
Wrestling; i think they greeks invented it, but then again they invented gay homsexuality. wriggle squirm and pull faces.3/10
Paragliding; a big coathanger with sticky tape holding a human dangling underneath in a cotton condom. might be fab, might be fatal.And isnt the view so lovely.5/10
Curling; yes they were taking the piss, only invented so england could win something. you need some brooms, some ice and to keep a straight face.1/10
Sumo wrestling; see normal wrestling, except with salt, chopsticks in your hair and really, really big fat blokes stamping their feet in an effort to adjust their nappies. 8/10
Water skiing; boats and sticks. possibly exhilarating if you can stand up, watch out for logs and crocodiles.3/10
Horse racing; cruel and inhumane,and that's just to the little blokes onboard. they are made to wear shiny pyjamas and beat up horses. The horses run like buggery and then get a bit of grass when they win. The owners get loads of wonga. A magnet for corrupt nob ends and dressy uppy posey twats.1/10

Sports and leshure activities too

Soccerball; blokes running around and not scoring very often. remind you of anyone? An awful lot falling over and pretending to be hurt. In certain cultures an inordinate amount of hair fixing too.8/10
Motor Racing; people going around and around on bits of machinery with wheels on them. Often very speedily and often very boganly. alain prost was extremely cool.7/10
Pool/Billiards/Snooker; lots of poking balls on green felt with big sticks. also involves an awful lot of standing around and some bloke sounding very serious and whispery.6/10
Netball; ladies running on a basketball court wearing girly bibs with playing statues as soon as you get the ball. Mysteriously the ball cannot be bounced and you can't run with it. Basketball without the interesting bits.3/10
Cricket; vastly confusing. nothing actually happens. extreme amounts of standing around and a ball and a bat. the rules include silly mid wickets,deep long legs, extra covers and slips. Umpires must be able to stand on one leg ralph maccio style.5/10
Athletics-Track; people running a lot. sometimes fast, sometimes slow. sometimes they jump sometimes they don't. The general rule being, short races are won by big black people and long races are won by small black people. Running birds have scary stomach muscles.5/10
Athletics-Field; a wide variety of people hurling themselves or other objects into/over and generally at things. the hammer doesnt look like a hammer, the shot is just a big old convict ball and the pole vault looks like nothing on earth. High jumpers are very tall and skinny and triple jumpers are just muppets who like skipping.4/10
Softball; a girlier and wussier version of baseball, what's the fucking point? 2/10
Rounders; is to baseball what newcomb is to volleyball, just plain stupid. makes softball seem riveting. good for people with no legs whatsoever.1/10
t-ball; how low can you get? rounders for people with no legs and working on brain stem only. almost as bad as rugby league 0.1/10
badminton; very sweaty tennis like game. dainty little racquets and a cutesy wutesy shuttlecock.Surprisingly fun as you can really beat up the cutesy wutesy shuttlecock.7/10
Squash; tennis played in an oversized toilet cubicle. loads of squeaking and it sore bottoms are inevitable. 6/10
Sailing; a super idea for a bit of 'relax'. Not intended for faffing about and racing as such, far more effective than most sleeping pills. Do not watch while driving or mix with alcohol. you may die of boredom. Also; attracts rich wankers
Rowing; great concept, shit in practice. loads of people with bits of wood, sitting in one skinny bit of wood, shaking their bits of wood about in unison. ends up being quite a drag as every simply MUST take it awfully seriously and are horrid rich prats.

Sports and leshure activities

Tennis; Bungholes in shorts hit a small ball at eachother,vaguely entertaining if one can be bothered concentrating and if opponents are equally matched. 3/10
AFL; Bungholes in small shorts kick etc a funny shaped ball at eachother; fast, furious but a bit funny looking.5/10
Petanque/Bocce/Boules; Pretty groovy game of throwing/rolling shiny balls at another ball on gravel. Don't ask Erik to differentiate if you don't want to hear the word cazzo.7/10
Lawn Bowls; Rubbish old persons game involves rolling spheres fare away and then changing your nappy. Petanque/Bocce/Boules without the good bits.1/10
Handball; who bloody knows? something about a hand and ball, maybe a bit like squash, maybe not. apparently big in some country called europe. 2/10
Rugby Union; fat blokes crunch into eachother while other blokes fanny about. Really quite dire except if you live in Wales, then its alright. 2/10
Rugby League; Fat blokes crunch into eachother. basta. really quite dire unless you have no brain at all. no redeeming features except some wankers get beaten up. 0/10
Ice Hockey; something about ice and hockey, Swedes seem to like it. Good violence and high speed crunching into eachother. Aggro blokes whizzing about with big sticks. good idea. 5/10
Grass Hockey; Like the above but on grass, slower and less violent. crap game, usually played by prats. 2/10
Tiddlywinks; better than rugby league.1/10
Shooting; Stupid idea for a sport, shoot a flying bit of cow dung or a target over there. undoubtedly will help the furtherment of the human race.1/10
Surfing; Occasionally standing up on some wood in the water, compulsive talking about it afterwards to other lobotomised people. good birds tho.3/10
Skateboarding; Occasionally standing up on a bit of wood on wheels, compulsive talking about it afterwards to other lobotomised teens. listening to shouty music obbligatorio.2/10
Rollerblading/Rollerskating; moving around on boots with wheels on them. Good idea except has magnetic attraction for enormous posey twats. 1/10
Swimming; Waving your arms and legs about wildly backwards and forwards for a pre-determined amount of distance or until you knock yourself unconscious. Kind of fun, but not really.5/10
Diving; Hurling yourself off various bouncy and not bits of stuff into water. A bit rascist really, but cool when that bloke smashed his head off with aids.4/10
Water Polo; groups of people wearing girly hats smashing eachother in the bits underwater while pretending to swim after a ball. 3/10 (but i wouldnt tell them)
Horsey Polo: Hassling a horse while waving a stick around at a golf ball. Exclusive domain of enormous rich arseholes. Cool people park their horses with the arse facing the field and sit there til the end. 1/10
Polo Mints; not bad, leave with fresh breath. 6/10
Golf; toodling about a big park with sticks and being cranky at a white spotty ball. Can be quite relaxing, but mostly bloody annoying. 6/10
Volleyball; teams of fit amazon birds bounce around a lot, other things might go on involving a ball. 6/10
Beach Volleyball; Something lost on transferral to beach. blokes in tiny speedos and birds in tinier bikinis hurl themselves around and look very serious. 4/10
Newcomb; Just plain stupid.0/10
Baseball; blokes in pyjamas take turns to try and fail to hit a ball. Very american and very boring (surprise)2/10
Basketball; Big black blokes run around and bash into eachother and inevitably throw a ball into a net. makes you wonder why. Loads of ridiculous rules about when you stick your tongue in the opponents ear and why not? 5/10
GridIron; God I hate americans.big black blokes all covered with tampons crunch into eachother and then everybody stops, repeat for who knows how many minutes. 3/10

crocodile snogging

crocodile snogg-ing
ahhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaa
unusually dangerous I trust you'll agree

the human rice

the human rice was invented by dog
about 45 months back now
dog was watching grande hermano on telly
it were rubbish
big bog boris had just busted a move on treetop trellis
it hadnt gone down at all well
name calling such as slimeball has ensued
and the vulcan volcano
the one with the big ears
kept spitting on plain jane
all rather predictable thought dog
maybe i should make my first letter a capital?
no, then nobody would ever take me seriously
especially not those monotheistic prats
gits with long sideburns and big coats
twats praying to a stone 12 times a day
nob ends singing songs about some still born fool child that i never spawned
sod it
let them all blow each other up with sticks
in my mane
so it came to pass that the human rice was invented by dog
it was only a touch less stupid than a young liberal
but with MUCH less prejudice
the human rice was long grain
with no fabbo added yellow bits
not mad at all about saffron
it rolled around the erf
and practiced cannabilism
it built great temples
and some rubbish ones made out of aloooominum too
it erected statues of dog in its own image
even though secretly atheistic
it kept a wide berth of curry and chili
not to mention those evil icky eels
he sought companship in basmati
and was rebuffed
fucking snobs
it courted a bird called jasmine
she smelt super
at least virtually
and got nowhere in inter racial dialogue with long brown man
downhearted and feeling oh so alone
it tried to invent science
to get up dog's trouser legs
nope, its all hocus pocus
tried to start wars
but nobody paid attention
as it was only a grain of rice
to small to be taken seriously
even with that stupid slug balanced delicately on its upper volta
it discovered a wheel
but he kept getting squashed sooner or later
and was just about to discover the meaning of rice life
when some butthead munched him down in a bowl with bits of egg and bacon

sparring with the (little) man

dont give anything away now
dont let them in
it could be used against you
de fences up
interrogation number bloody
oh what joy
harry is here to help
like fuck
oh, hang on
maybe she is
take no chances
hold the line
let nothing give
a line of questioning
another line of questioning
what do they really want?
is it another evil ploy?
or could it be a good soul
trying to do the right thing?
mental agility pushed to the limit
lucky ive got plenty
amongst the clouds
defiance and indignation
where do they get off?
find the stop and burn it down
scorchiod earth
vengeance upon bad fuckers
2 hours of power
get inside my mind
i bloody dare you
try it on
outsmart the master of sarcasm
too clever by half for a professional
at unhinged age 12
patti smith wouldve been proud
so bring on the next puppet
a hand firmly rammed from below
ever danced with the maggot in the pale matchlight?
dead bats everywhere
are you really here to help?
could it truly be possible?
the hippocratic oaf my arse
sell your soul for a few small beans
like a bow tied twat
filthy little man
did my nifty gothic two step
and astute grape picking
stand in my own way?
trust no-one
look how far it'd gets you
2 years and counting of shafting
whats chance of good intention
kick the fuck out of them while down
at least give it a good hard try
whoops whats this?
a good hard kicked back
i will kick my backside off
a point of principle
even if
in the end of the day it ends in nowt
they will fucking sweat it
and the leeches will earn
but fucked if i will fold
a faceless beaurocracy
soulless in the extreme
the structural incarnation of the culture of me
it's fine
it's legal
morals have no part to play
nobody can be held accountable
every tool just doing their job
manipulate most of the fools some of the time
with fear, prejudice and lies
years of power
but a legacy of shit
theres no glory where you are going
the future will see you as nothing more than an aberration
a nasty little smear
step outside coward howard
insipid worm
you made the ultimate impersonal super personal
insignificant pustule

a chinese midget pug dog sucking meatloaf through a straw

it's nothing personal mind
it never is...

loving living laughing funning life-ing

I love my friends, my wine and laughing!
love to laugh
have a good time and plenty of laughs.
Fun loving girl who enjoys life!
fun & likes a laugh!
have some fun and enjoy life.
and enjoys life!
love to laugh and generally have fun!
who loves to have a laugh
Fun, easy going looking for lots of laughs, good times
Love nothing more than a good laugh, a good drink and a good time!!!
Could Lionel have been right??
Life just keeps getting better
Enjoys a laugh and a chat
good company and someone who enjoys a laugh!
Friends, fun, laughter and good times
Love a laugh
I love life!! I'm easy going and love just hanging out and being around friends
down to earth person who enjoys life
Life is short... live it to the max!
a few laughs and good times!!!
Love to Laugh.
enjoys going out with friends and enjoying life.
Well im a fun loving
and having a fun time,
Happy, friendly .........
love a good laugh..
You only live once
Laughter is the best drug!
believes that life is about living!
knows how to enjoy life if you think we can have a laugh
Life is what you make it..
to share fun times
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
Living life to the fullest is my motto
Fun loving
good conversations and good times.... and love a laugh.
Fun, loving, honest, dte, loves to smile, and a good time...
share in the laughter.
I'm a person who enjoys fun
I am looking for a fun
Live life to the extreme!
I'm always up for a laugh
always looking for a laugh
If your looking for fun you've come to the right place.
Life is too short to sit on the sideline…
Life's an adventure,are you ready to join
I’m a balanced person who enjoys having fun
Fun, friendly and easy going... I like a good laugh!
you only live once!!!
I'm just looking for fun and good times
who absolutely loves life, people
Life's to short to have regrets
who knows how to have fun.
Always living life to the fullest!!
I'm Always up for a bit of Fun!!!
Love to Laugh
Not afraid to have fun.
It's all about having fun...
always bubbly/fun
and enjoys a good laugh
looking to have a great time
embraces life to the fullest
trying to get the most out of life.
Life is short so enjoy!
I'm a fun loving...
Are you easy going and fun?
Easy going and love a laugh!!
live life to the fullest
Life is too short not to try something!
down to earth and love a good laugh
I am a funloving and optimistic person
Take a chance...Live life!!!
I am happy go lucky
Happy, fun,
out to have a good time
Friendly...easy going...fun!
have an interesting conversation and a laugh?
Slightly scatty and fun
Without sounding like a cliche...I love my life!
Easy going, fun loving.........
I'm all about having fun, a good laugh, and taking life as it comes.
a little cheeky...and love to laugh
easy going, friendly, athletic, loves to laugh
have fun doing it!
The time for living is now

BASTA!!!

Dan Dan Dan

swearing is good for you
just look
fuck
shit
bollocks
arse
maggoty
cunt
clint
bloody
big jobs
crap
turd
bastard head
tossface
buggery bottom burp
prickhead bungsnap
wanker
god is a poof
gay homosexual ute
look its the door
vaffunculo
big rotten
stronzo
cazzo di merda di puttana
jesus in naily boots in the valley of goat death
pig god
fucking pig god! stupid bastard breath insult
vaffanculo
i think you should go to church today
assssmunch
beavis
suckwhole lemon butt freak nose nad
oh fuck off
right in the ear
tregua di merda
yeah yeah yeah
shit music
musica del cazzo
vacanze anale
bring me a seat
and not your bloody seat
rectal disfunction
dystopian stronzo for brains

Copacobana......

Well, I knew a guy
He topped the lot
He wouldn't publish his profile on RSVP

That's all I can think of for now.......

they think it's all over

it is now...
after that peak of creative genius where is there to go?

The day Beavis finally wrote a blog

errrrr .........

cafe limbo mimbo

this just in last week
limbo doesn't exist any more
dammit what am i going to do now?
that really is a blow
i was so hoping to get there and hang out for a bit
as i haven't been battistutad
it could have been a larf
me and all those poor ickle infants
not to mention how many billion infidels
i was just warming to the idea
and then poof
it simply ceases to exist
just coz some git in a white dress says so
fair play to him
at least he said it an groovy language
allora, first there was limbo
on which i was just about to
base my entire outlook on life/death
it was integral
but now its not
its gone
it was deemed uncool
how can a place exist
and then just cease to exist?
imagine if you could do that with earthly realms
boronia no longer exists
bogon bastardi
coz i said it when wearing my dress
ciao ciao new zealand
what ARE you on about?
get bent adelaide
and stop fucking saying ay all the fucking time
whoops there goes large chunks of 'god bless america'
no explanation required
unfortunately for all those superior french people
france didnt make the cut
anywhere where a horrid little worm man might be found
well that will cease to exist
and he fall into a big pit of nasty stuff
the grounds of the ex ringwood high school
scum dwellers
jakana has gone
it may have never been there at all...
and unfortunately for 1 billion odd people
india isnt there any more
camel made me do it
a thousand apologies
and beavis' butt
the world will be a much better place without reginald
and for the the coup of grace
israel is gone
it was a stupid idea in the first place
guilt will make people and nations do ridiculous things
but where to put a few million people?
no more napalm
no more cia
no more wounded knee
no more really really old oranges

vortex appears unleashed by the crash

sure it does odessa

Like a tost

Allora,
Ciao slave to the economist come stai?
STTE:
Bene,bene,bene, o male, male, male ?
STTE:
Che fai di bello?
STTE:
Wow! thats not the shorts i got from the factory!
STTE:
e gli studi, adesso devi aspettare fino a giugno?
STTE:
Allora, perche non vieni qui in Australia per un pochino?
STTE:
Vabbe, ci vediamo al Melbourne Airport Martedi...
STTE:
cmq, credi che esista un dio?
STTE:
Secondo me, adesso che c'e Grande Fratello di Merda ecc, la gente non ha bisogno di una distrazione del genere.
STTE:
No, no non ho una ragazza al momento, e tu, la solita flotta di ammiratori?
STTE:
Ma, sei modesta quanto sei carina!
STTE:
ahhh grazie, hai ragione questa maglietta blu mi fa sembrare gli occhi piu blu...
STTE:
Adesso devo andare a prepare la cena...
STTE:
sure baby, chissa, forse potremmo anche parlarci veramente in msn prima o poi...
STTE:
baci
STTE:
now im on a bus to ciudad del mexico!
STTE:

how to fight lavatories

you just smile all the time...

Fuck you right in the ear......

Alcohol's running a bit low
You were sick all over yours, and you accused me of being sick all over mine
Yes, I remember, I had the lasange
Always fade out, in a montage
I'm almost with you, I can sense you'll ruin this song for me
Moaning between headjobs
Jimbo boy, you're a crock of shit, you're a booze selfish thug, why don't you give your mouth a go, and in the other hole stick a plug
I've discharged my responsibilities Neil, now I suggest you discharge yours
I had to, I was drunk
Bambi goes ape crazy with Beavis and weapons
Good old Collingwood forever, we know how to play the game
Hum a few bars and I'll kick your head in
200 pounds of durex please....., oh sorry, force of habit
travis and bob head
slots
ronery

That's all I can think of for now, but I know we could go on ripping other funny people off forever, and applying it in new and much funnier circumstances ;-)

ooh im very fucking happy

oh yeah, thats just fab
fuck them all
right in several ears

this sepository lifestyle...

faff about heavily
to drive
to park
to bike
to park you bike?
to roll models
stand over there
that will achieve something
probably not
but how will the wotsit work in this light?
will my howsit flare up in that seating arraignement?
will it be the same without lady F's critical appraisal?
arghghghgh
go and search advice from a higher being
snigger snigger
none the wiser
but much more mooksier
and with an abundance of fag
fear not fools
the tamer of leon is here
he of the munchie delivering
he of the hole drilling
he of the bike fixing
help desking eyecandyvis
so its to be rock and recoil
all the way to the SBFplanade
nearby to the place where the frik once lay
only to find 2 people
with 1 table
and 1 view
and isn't it so lovely
as damon said
as somebody else scrawled on primrose hill
and as ANGALA fixxxed up
twas luvverly it was
a people wotching
a birru quaffing
a butfooneering
but the view
the setting sun
the seaside i love to be beside
the cracking company
and the snacking company
i luvs a bit of inter reaction
not bloody inter milan
they bite
massimo moratti can go dig anther whole
vaffanculo

it looks like your head will fall off

please dont turn your head so fast
it looks like it will fall off
at least thats what old geezer-san thinks
the sushi seems to be a little disappointing
not like we had in old tanaka town
somehow he imagined more
from the booth on the right
with the beer coloured glass
to the row of tables down the wall
much humble bowing and scraping
many small words were used
but it was empty for the most
ahhh there may be a story in there somewhere

OLD 2

what is the deal?
with all this old
its all over the place
sure, theres no crime in old
but why on my watch?
i just happen to not be a huge fan of old
i dont hold it against anyone
but its just not my bag baby
alas it seems i am olds bag
and old wants to get its bag and shake it all up
why why and wherefore
what is the deal?
what makes old hunt me down like a wounded goat in a forest?
dammit old
settle down
i hold no grudge
in some strange way its flattering
but is stated before
nothing to do with my bag
wherever next will old lay in wait for me?
in the gaze of a stranger?
under a baby in a pram?
in a PUB?
its not like im asking for it
is it?
Am I?
maybe its the lazy tennis ball ?
maybe its the oh so moral high ground?
could it be the abjectionables?
fuggered if i know...
im going to start a petition
right here
right now
with jesus jones in tow
say no to old
say go to old
say woe to old
say moe to old
and i said Leonard Cohen

OLD

looks kind of symmetrical doesn't it?

I think I'm a lady but....

I think i'm a lady
But I use the word fuck

I think i'm a lady
But I only use manners when I have to

I think i'm a lady
But I am not offended by the word cunt

I think i'm a lady
But I hate make up

I think i'm a lady
But what the fuck do ladies do?

I hate dressing up, I hate pretending to be what i'm not
Is that ladylike?

I think ladies are false and pretentious
So why do men want you to act that way?

What's wrong with being laid back?
What's wrong with being yourself?
What's wrong with finding humour in freakish things?
What's wrong with society?

What's not.

some more americans shoot each other, piffle

oh no
that didnt really work out how i was hoping
it wasnt an american shooting other americans
it was a south korean shooting americans
thats all right then...
so theres no need to change the gun laws to make it tougher to get guns
if anything there needs to be more guns around
as a few geni have suggested
if only i could go to the usa to live
then i could get shot a lot more
i knew something was sorely missing in this existence

so only one south korean did that?
well knock me down with a baffle board
he was probably a lovely chirpy child
before he moved there
then he became a pathetic hateful ignorant obsessed twat
just like a couple of hundred mill other
its something like a straaaaaaaaaaaange phenomenon
that happens primarily in one country
couldnt possibly be anything to do with free guns for all
thatd just be daft
now if the other turds had guns safely stored in their pencil cases
they could have shot that kid before he shot them
and if the teacher had napalm hidden under his elbow patches
that would have sorted everything out before it got started
if the dean had cluster bombs
well, thatd would be much safer
rooooobot house!
and the cleaners
if they had been sensibly equiped with flame throwers
for cleaning up and such
all this carnage would never have taken place
not to mention the gardeners
if only half of them had land mines planted as far as they eye could see
they could have tempted that kid onto the garden and saved everybody
and the really really important private security service guys/fake police
if they had been given just a couple of tactical nukes...
itd be like having cucumber sandwiches on the lawn
not to mention the life guards at the pool
why they werent equipped with ICBMs to launch from the paddle boards is beyond me
is this supposed to be the greatest country in the worrrrld?
and who left the cheerleaders without even a single grenade?
on quiet days they could use them as pyrotechnics between ads
its lunacy
and whats the point of burning all the books if the librarians cant have a lazy few surface to air missiles?
that kid might have shown up on a jetpack....
dammit if this country doesnt get more guns,
how will we ever get anybody to take us seriously as a pretend bit of america?
its just not good enough to join in stupid ill conceived wars, boycot international treaties to save the planet, treat your citizens like dirt and demonise asylum seekers and the indigenous and ram our pathetic neo christian values down everybodies throats....
fuck you, make a fucking effort

confetti

He kinda
shoulda
sorta
woulda
gone to the lemonheads gig
if he could've

but he didnt and it sucked

what's so great about the british class system

fucking nowt

the day that arthur made it to the POW

while it was not strictly necessary
it was strictly fun
somebody had already being playing the field
there were broken bits everywhere
some shouting and carrying on
charmed im not so sure
not pulled up genes
and a lairy canary
chaperoned by a laydee
a lightly peppered playground
some freaks staring in blurry box of moving shapes
fancy thatvis
south Jerusalem was 24 knots up on the murray dowling footrubbers
and the Inca flebiles were looking good to underthrow the fiefdom of stupidity
a sign on the wall said nothing at all
but someone is on the wayyyy out
the limp bar was deserted
then came the parkway express
and then some big bloke with silly hair
and some silly bloke with big hair
with a gaggle of giggle
somebody fell short
somebody ran off
somebody had no humourarse
nobody had a spotted beck
a loud declaration of disprezza
rounded up with an awful lot of standing around
funny that

the biggest bunghole

bog off skinny dippers
this is just bloody silly
fat bastard number 61
please step up and remove your smalls
wow, thats unpleasant
last week you stank
this week you reek
fat bastard number 22
please peel back your toenails
wow, thats rank
last week you were popular
this week you are a disaster area
fat bastard number 1034
please shave off your tache
wow, thats plain ugly
last week you denied parentage
this week its beyond you
fat bastard number 38
please have that operation
wow, your earhole is puny
last week you drank someones urine
this week you will drink liquid football
fat bastard number 89
please unfold your wings
wow, thats crusty
last week you failed your exams
this week your pelvic splanchnic ganglyon will be removed
fat bastard number 666
please return to earth as armageddon is imminent
wow, sulphur toasties all round
last week you knobbed saddam hussain
this week you see flowers bloom
up there.......

The day Kerryn wrote the blog.......

It's all right if you love me
It's all right if you don't
I'm not afraid of you running away
Honey, I get the feeling you won't

There is no sense in pretending
Your eyes give you away
Something inside you is feeling like I do
We've said all there is to say

Baby breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right Breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right

I just thought that up myself.......

well that solves the mystery of the mystery

what an incredible series of mysteries to solve...
the mystery of the text message
the mystery of the phone calls
the mystery of the strange sensations
the mystery of the curry on the cupboard
the mystery of the jellybotty
the mystery of the bruises that have yet to arrive
the mystery of the fondled foot
the mystery of the blah blah blah
the mystery of the facial hair
the mystery of the nationality of the waitress
the mystery of the british political climate
the mystery of the lying about feeling seedy
the mystery of the stolen music
the mystery of the busted diet
the mystery of the ill feeling towards people in the outer
the mystery of the calls register feature
the mystery of the empty bottles
the mystery of the cant be arsed cooking anything much
the mystery of the lungs arguing
the mystery of the papers unfurling
the mystery of the scratched disc
the mystery of the lionel impersonator
the mystery of the spelling of mystery
the mystery of the cold breadheads
the mystery of the fishy sensations
the mystery of the the fumbled vocabulary
the msytery of the chilled arms
the mystery of the furtive limebeaver
the mystery of the outside world
the mystery of the mysoginy
the mystery of the calls not made
the mystery of the irrational discourse
the mystery of the great big mess
the mystery of what ever the fuck comes next
umm no...

yoshimi beats erik up

about bloody time

let me take you down to goatberry mound and the lamb and flag

sure we did
going for a pootle
driving thru
without the necessary permits
cant be arsed with them
crusing on down by the seaside
ahh the parm trees
strangely out of place
look
a mound
no, no, no
thats not it
thats a mound
not the mound
just up here
in an inconvenient place
yep, thats the puppy
quite a mound that one
good for all kinds of things
first discovered by a browsing bob
someones legs nearly fell off
that was a bad thing apparently
righty dokey
got that out of the system
then heading for the other landmark
the lamb and flag
it has been a long time
not necessarily a good time
if only that hairy bloke was wandering the streets
sigh
drag up a couch
not much has changed
a bit less of that
a bit more of this
then a bit of sooooonshine
with beervis in it
very plej
careful he might hear you
tell a tale of a pale snail
and whoppstopp
it shows
and for my next trick
i will conjure a floating marshmallow pit

the vestal virgil festivus

twas a dark and stormy night
not really
it was quite pleasant actually
if only a tad nipply
and most conveniently located
just up the road
in a luvverly setting
in the domain of the king
didnt see him gadding about tho
itd seem that hes not that fussed about it
there were some stars
there were some stelle
and some whiffy bastards
the city lights looked pretty damn good too
i'm running out of paint
there were lots of people
bungsnaps and portfolio carriers
probably a lot of greats
chirondel, henri mateus ecc
didnt see any flamin
did see a fartknocker
in a line
it was quite fortuitous timing really
if there can be such a thing when it comes to fartknockers
just finished saying how much of a twat it was
apparently phoenix were good
and new york dolls were something
all that practice for nowt
then the lights went down
and everything got purple
and on came a jumping jarvis flash
he rocked the place
throwing his skinnny arse hither and thither
doing press ups
chatting away about funny thangs
getting up on boxes
he didnt touch the garages tho
no pulp songs showed up
but that wasnt the end
and he did have a point about cunts still running the world
what a man
a lull followed
and great expectations threatened a diss-a-pointment
clathes everywhere...
surely the pixies would be a sad parody of their former greatness
they couldnt possibly still be that cool
but they rocked
they rolled
they were fab
they played an amazing set
interrupted only by bleach balls
it was truly spectacular
giving the kind of drug free buzz
that only mind blowing good shows can
what a great bday present
thanx maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

for the love of it

no, thats not it

The messer - a tribute album

33 today
33 today
not yesterday
or tomorrow
but
33 today
the proud proprietor of the cheekiest smile, the most troubliest of trousers and a light that draws us in like moths to the flame.
sadly i missed the first 20 something years. I bet they would have been a good laugh.
but the more than decade has been a blast...
giggles and groans in
Swansea escaping embraces
Bath with a bevvy of your babes
Edinburgh enduring Madonna
Bristol because it were there
Birmingham having a lock-in
Salisbury smiling inanely on iron age mounds
Huanchaco speaking in tongues
Praknam Pran with bitten bottom
San Sebastian with streamers on
the Dordogne on late night crumble fests
and possibly more...
Much love and thinking of you in the nicest possible ways

when is a goldfish not a goldfish?

when its a redfish

coupe de la ligue

Lyon turning the screw
Fred
Govou
it was a terrific volley wasnt it?
who really has had a wonderful start
offsides one apiece
could well have deceived ramik
their job was to run in
govou just acknowledging
a tighter formation
tried to add a little bit of creative flair
designed to inspire
wendall
3 white shirts with him
precious little to do
its a game for artists
says the referee
juninho
fred
really terrific last line of defence
producers giving us
lovely long legs
2 minutes of being knocked out
underemployed so far
here comes wendall
four in the box
i thought it was a bit of a check
a little bit disjointed at times
various parisien styles
on the counter
once again the same type of ploy
little bit of a sly hand going out
aww thats clever
this is fred
make himself available
bit of a chop
a number of permeatations at the back
just past the hour
hes been calm all eveing
they deserve to go
not too far for the lens contingent
sometimes its unnecessary
if he does any more of that hes off
as a coach here
if you get an injury now, youre snookered
something of a rarity tonight
theyve had clean sheets
since the age of six
is anybody going to bother crossing to me tonight?
good little take over the swede from the czech
by the same token
2 heavyweight boxers jabbing inside the ring
since his movement to the birmingham area
debatable decision
to get over the top of micoud
tiago on the post
the goalkeeper came
and the goalkeeper didnt get there
what a time to score
there he comes
its their day perhaps
what a time to score
it was just over a year ago
he is potentially the hero
they have one minute to survive
malouda again
thats it!
absolutely blown out of the water
what a dramatic finish
all season long
an unlikely hero
theres the president
he stopped the flow
bordeaux are bathed in gold

a whirlpool of SBF

According to SBF, of all Nick Caves works is the best?
What was SBF's favourite soap/drama of the 1980's?
What is the stone roses greatest song according to SBF?
Where did SBF take Nicholas Parson for dinner?
If SBF wanted to go 'right out', where would he go?
What is SBF's favourite time of day?
What was SBF's favourite insult to hurl at nerds in high school?
Which county is SBF's favourite in all of Engerland?
How does SBF paint his statues?
How did SBF feel before the start of the state championships 400m final?
Whilst in Germany, what were SBF's favourite two cities?
What type of bitch is SBF's favourite?
Why does SBF love the ghiro so much?

F.A.B

boneless
fab
gnarli
bulk rad
bitchin
gnarlin
stalin
bulk ace
way rad
gnarli rad
faceplant
tail grab
railsnail
rail slide
nose plant
superbulkgnarlirad
fakey
drop in
bunny hoppy
ollie
lunch drop
biiiiiiiirrrrrrrdman
fakey
tony hawk
kilgor the thunderstick
silverton executive deluxe
daffy
mogul
cut back
tea cosy
glenn plake
daisy
ski boots
handplant
kr kr krrrr
airborne
can't do nuthin for you man....

i'm going off to write some poetry

here i go
and really off now
no more messing about
i know i have threatened it before
but this time
its the biz
no more pussyfooting
no more pencil tapping
no more PROcrastination
the poetry is beckoning
its 'calling my name'
so im off then am I?
thanks for the lift
thanks for the beer
thanks for the repetition
oops
got sidetracked then
i was just pointing out how i was going off to write some poetry
not like the other times at all
not even in the same bloody hemisphere
wish i wasnt
as what?
internal dialogue is probably not best placed
anyway
dunque
quindi
communque
allora
poi
that'd be stalling then
ive got one foot on the dooooorstep
fucking hurts
some bastard shouldnt have closed the dooooooor
could be a good po tapioca mind
im going off to write a po of po
nothing to do with great big fuck off rivers
not ones that cross an entire country
indubitably none that start in enormous alpi
that define an industrial heartland
or that would make a daft border
for a pretend country
that some twats want to invent
despite the fact that it would be cutting off so many good bits
not terrone at all
and that there are a zillion other more valid claims of statehood in the area
a couple of republics that lasted nearly a millenia
lega dei fucking stronzi
as i finally take my leave
to go off to write some poetry
instead of farnarkeling
and fucking about
or showing anybody else how to do it
it should be noted in the po of po about the po
that an english bloke and some other bloke
took a little boat and went from top to bottom
or from west to east
dublin cool
there you go
grandiose enuff for you?
i'm going off to write some poetry...

i had a dream...

i was asleep at the time

rob?

rob?
rob?
rob?
rooooooooooob?
robbbb?
rob?
rob?
rob?
rob?
rob?
robbage?
robbo?
robster?
robmeister?
robbers dog?
bob?
bob a job?
vegas?
degas?
vagueless?
robo?
rob-bo?
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrob?
roberto?
robredo?
robweiller?
robrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobloodyrob?
hearthrob?
rob peter to pay mary?
roberrrrrrrrrrrrr(t)?
robespierre?
robs spear?
rob-you-like?
i-cant-believe-its-not-rob?
highway robbery?
robson greene?
robson jerome?
rob-me-nots?
robbie?
guardaroba?
wardrobe?
no probs?
no robs?
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ROB!

we've come to wish you an unhappy birthday

birthdays are grate
they are a big opportunity to be self indulgent
and get drunk and be as silly as possible in public places
you get presents and cards
and people are generally nice to you
except arseholes you arent ever nice
and of course there are those tossers who are 2 faced twats
who are nice to you and are really just self obsessed fuckers
i chose life
i chose wife
i chose knife
wasnt going to do nowt
but ended up going to the moofies
saw a goode fillum
larfed, larfed, larfed
then larfed a bit more
kwality innit?
then off the the Jorge
on a lovely warm evening
and had a big fat pint of...
water
yep, water all the way
kind of takes the thrill out of going to the pub
man that beer looked good
it smelled good too
i could have had a right carry on
carrying on
and that was that
BFW

frothing frightfully frothily

the door opens
a blur storms in
not alex, graeeeme, damon or the other one, trevor?
quick
panic
jump up
fall down
drop everything
pick up slacks
all phone calls have become superfluous
but that beavis away
what have i done?
what hasnt he done?
what might they do?
the bottom boggles
ive only got 12 minutes
until the big meltdown
does my hair look big in this
help me adjust my arse
ive done something mad
everything has gone mandarin shaped
i met a bus
the bus said maybe
i threw the bus
douse the place
kill all the insect life
especially the ones that bite under chins
drown the expressed horizontality
gas the masses
unveil the mail
quaff the toff
rant
rave
then maybe throw in a little carry on
open the grudge
ah sod this
the architects are making it too difficult

what may be called barsly and what may not

what may;
stupid birds on telly
barlsy
chocolate rabbits
stupid dogs on telly
random animals
connor moo
brindle staffies
any type of staffy
any dog
most cats
wombats
badgers
the occasional horse
the ones that arent barking mad english people
hippopotamususussusususu
beavis
kiss him now
bog off rsvp
the entirety of staffordshire
no plants, bog off
quality works of art
various deities
good looking football mascots
marty willson piper both old and new


what may not;
german racial superiority
pool tables
ladyboys
peter koppes
fridges
footpaths
long walks on the beach
turnips
earings
railroad tracks
skinned chicken
chicken with skin
computers
turds
feather boas
birds that dont talk to me
anal holidays
bananas
termites
rats
peoples butts
almond slivers


cardinal rule, if in doubt DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT

punting miss hazy

lets watch that thing
you know the one
the one with those guys in it
its four of them
they drive around
you DO know the one
it starts with L
no
its not barsly
oh look
an engineer
with big teeth
oh look
he looks like fat travis
at least from the nose down
the most attractive particles
stop tormenting me
you know that you know that you know it
you just dont want to say it
quick
hide the screams
you never know
if you never went
four trees in court?
fourplays outside?
bobby met robbie bowled knobbie?
marty met marty and they both ruled
not the old one mind
its the new one
or the young one
which is the same as the old one
the new one is the old one
the old one is the young one
once in every lifetime.....
there comes a bus like this
oh i need something
you need something
oh my something
i cant be something
or rather
shes gone

very big insects

there has been an outbreak of very big insects around these parts
not sure where they came from
they sure are noisy though
there must be a dozen different types of em
buzzing
roaring
whining
droning
howling
and making whatever other noises insects make
some are of the flying variety
quite a few actually
they are really noisy bastards
buzzing away
and sometimes making huge whooshing booming sounds
tis a good thing im not scared of insects
then there is the almost constant whining of the earth bound ones
they seem to be higher pitched
and in abundant varieties
it's almost as if they are performing some kind of ritual out there...
they gradually get louder
then fade away
only to come back louder than ever
i must investigate these goings on
with my long socks and sandals
safari suit
howard carter hat
stupid facial hair
and the mother of all butterfly nets
particularly strange buggers
im sure you will agree...

Arsed too

not at this exact moment,
but i feel the moose is loose in the hoose

Arsed?

no neither can I...

lo schifo che faccio

ci sono tanti...e si
un mondo di schifo in cui riesco ad immergermi...
questo schifo riguarda la grammatica e la lingua italiana
sono capace di fare un schifo tremendo con questa cosa
fammi vedere un po
con ogni tipo di frase
con le domande
con gli imperativi
con le frase semplici
con il conguintivo
con il passato, in tanti, ma tanti frasi
con il futuro... idem
anche con il presente
in ogni angolo della lingua
io ci saro per fare schifo
e non e' che devo sforzarmi
probabilmente c'e li ho fatti una dozzina finora in questo blog
e ora
presentando
il campione dello schifo
nel angolo buio
con il volto buio
....

the slacking song

slacking slackly slackage slack slackers slacken slacks slacked slackdom
the limes soaked
the goat got poked
they all went to Nirvana in a little moat boat called Mantchet
(after having duly paid Charon, naturally)
slack slack

the mookskeeper

Give me a head of hair, long beautiful hair....
Shinin', gleamin', steamin flax n' waxin',

What constitutes a great haircut?
When you aren't crying at the end of it?
When your hair isn't green?
Blue?
Purple?
The Jennifer Aniston DO?
Hollywood's a bitch...

What about the idea of.......happiness?
Happy with your lebanese macho boy do?
Black roots with blonde tips...
Crafed into a stunning masterpiece of a mohawk?

Shave your head, feed the world!
Why do all Africans have shaved heads? Or cornrolls?
To combat flies? Ticks?
Or for fashion?

Why do dykes cut their hair like boys?
Aren't women attracted to other women with long hair?

Why won't Travis shave his head? Is it vanity?
Or Insanity?
When the clippers are charged and ready to go...
He won't take the dive into skinheadism.....

Oh why oh why is life such a dilemma about one's hair?

warning;goats may bite your clothes

but they never did
at least i got the foto tho
it may have been wiser to have a warning about the deer
the deers my be presumptuous gits
could at least have hinted at it
go over that bloke
and buy some of those funny round cracker things
like the pidgies rat thangs at trafalgar square
not to be confused with trafalgar place
thatd be a far substantially different thing
get your cracker things here
look at the luvverly bambi babies
protected by lore and law
not like humans that werent part of that master race
sidle over
make your own difference
proffer your hands
as if making an offer to some god or other
for trevors saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
they are all cute and wuddly
sure
keeps your palm flat
like with horses or goat like beaver machines
the ones that may bite your clothes
thats the ticket
in the sun
amongst the trees
but in the shadow of a magnificent tower
that would be kulcha then
here, sweet doe eyed doe
try some of this
arrghghhghghghgh
settle downvis
who is that in my pock-it?
have i fallen off a bus into harare?
umm no
gnash and gnarl (i rad)
eat
munch
nibble
gnaw
skull
ooottay there!
stop it
stop it
stop it
sure
get stuck into those shorts
not like i needed them anyway
arms
below the elbow they are just wasting away anyway
legs ?
nooo didnt want them
who needs to ambulate these days?
go on
get stuck in
an arse?
superfluous...
funk dat
whats needed here is a big fancy venison steak
or
ooooh let me see
a couple of hundred
blessed beasts
protected by that lore thing
lets skulk off then

i present thyself

oh just fuck off
i will present myself
once and again
a buffoon for a buffoons sake
yes
judge fucking me
like all the arseholes before
small minded fucks
choose your fucking continent
you
the twat with the professorship
you with the put upon look
fuck you
right in the ear
dr fucking ignoramus
at the end of the tram line
your immodesty will burn your arse in hell
look
its me again
smile before you perish
your profession gives a licence
to get fuckin fucked
oops
it fell on down there
the next contender will be
fuck off
mr fucking twat
small fucking mind
no
thats okay
you have position of power
just wait for an axe
fuck you
you ponder
and i will judge
many pieces of small shit
how many turds do you need to need
to be build a shitecastle

62 second dub

not as if pressure would ever come to beeeear
that wouldnt do
one sits where one does
one could never judge
its best not that way
one might converse with somebody elses fool
lest they belong to another being
thank fook for that
heres to all the dead ({)}s
imagine
just for a river that runs through the city of your olimpiadi
how much good that wil bring
a slip of the twixt
funk dat
engage with a person
not a bracket
what difference would it make?
is it passive of better?
ecko gecko
the smile gas
bring me some more of that pleeeease
the thread my have passed you by
me too.
dont open your hart
it would sound untrue
frank and sense
keith and kevin streets
a suburb with an uncertain future
why not let me sit in judgement?
lest not a fool make a small decision
best not to die before you sleep
no beast shall wake the righteous
find your messiah?
more fucking fool fucking you

waitrose and why its grate

i love waitrose
it is great
they have so much good stuff
sure
its a little pricey
but man o man o man
they have all that great stuff
you simply cannot just enter into waitrose for a packet of crisps
and expect to exit intact
you will purchase 15 extra great things
you will not be able to help yourself
oh yes,
you shall think
i really did need that goats-duck pate
beluga caviar?
how on earth was i going to survive without that!!!?
a mixed platter of prosciutto crudo, salami, bresaola ecc ecc
i surely would have caught a disease without that
olives recently removed from a virgin sloths bunghole....
what on earth was i not thinking?!
alpaca cheese, made only from alpacas between the ages of 3 and 3.2 years
that live above the snowline on mt licancabur
foie gras
piffle and poppycock
foie mega grasso
geese force fed foie gras
from geese force fed goie gras
wine from phoenecian amphoras
sat 2,000 years on the mediterranean floor
a roasted peacock or maybe a cheeky second
basted with yeti blood
the last dodo
frozen in the last great age of ice
with pterydactl ribs

and thats just in the first aisle...
all hail the great Waitrose

its already domani mattina

and nobodys sober

i just cant get you out of my swede

thats it carmen
you got stuck in there
my swede is action packed
you keep bouncing about
fighting off gothenburg airport
all woody and such
he doesnt mind, mind
did i mention he was a little green guy
from interspace ?
why would I ?
anyway
big thanks carmen
as for once i can hear an italian songster
not making me wanna evacuate stomach
abusing the hybrid tongue
while I'm at it...
wotcha doin thursday?
there's a cracking gig on in town
with free somethings or others
i reckon you would dig it
youre a lady
a beatiful italian one at that
and you rock
well you jah wobble anyway
and im a beaver of the limer variety
sound good?
thanks for filling my swede
and kicking that daft singing budgie away
she really can fuck off

and a fresher perspective

Well ass wipes!

No I never heard of a limebeaver, however I shall try to inform those of you who are interested in what this is...

A limebeaver could be a vagina with green pubes... or an American football star with a green guernsey on his back. Or perhaps a new cocktail with hairy ice...No even I am not sure what the fuck that is! Hairy ice....Hmmm, yummy...

Nevertheless, as I am writing this blog with the barrel of a gun to my head, I am scared that without thoughts being typed, me brains will be blown out.

Please Sir, don't kill me! I promise to eat all my greens, I promise I won't tell anyone that I saw your face! Pleeeeaase don't shoo.....

BOOM.

Goodnight bitch.

un lamento per Romano

ohh caro Romano
its just not right
i am sure you had the soundest of intentions
i am sure you actually tried to set some things right
it must have been near to impossible
for a state that is in almost permanent crisis
not to mention the mother of all fuck ups that your predecessor made
fuck ups borne out of egotism, corruption, vanity and arrogance
not to mention blind stupidy and incompetence
where did one hope to begin Romano?
with all the warring factions
each one wanting their own most powerful seat at the table
the ex communists, the christian democrats, the ulive, the every man and his dog party
none with a sense of humour
each desperately grasping for a little bit more
perhaps it was destined to fail
but nobody else could have carried them as far as you did
oh Romano
you held their hands
shut their mouths
and funnelled them through
you managed to win an election against all odds
in the most undemocratic nation in the advanced world
facing almost blanket negative media coverage
poisoned by the most poisonous man in your nation
deceving, lying, slandering, fudging all in the name of a criminal
as president you managed to give dignity to a nation infamously without dignity
whilst the prime minister made a mockery of your people
brought its standing to a new low
and that really took something
he made a fool of himself
in front of the world
and by doing so belittled your nation
but your quiet dignity maintained some grace in this shocking state
then you took on the impossible
and for a while you pulled it off
please dont go
dont leave is with d'alema and rutelli et al
what hope have they where you failed?
you must return until media legislation is toughened
the cafone will always squirm away
from the courts
from justice
from freedom of the press
from any responsibility
but with tougher media laws at least some semblance of democracy could be claimed
and future elections could be fairer
and that horrid little criminal viper could yet be help accountable
please dont go
ti ringrazio per i tuoi sforzi e, che non siano invano

dont you fall

you might not get up again...

the clap trap

oh great
and its off again
the clap trap
not the von trapp clap
thats a completely different load of bollocks
its the clap trap
some days its a one-off
just a few claps
to a goddam horrible smurf song
or to perhaps rev up the horrid little rat doggie
wagaggaaaaa waggaaggaaaa
scklonk scklonk
fund dat
and then its off with an effeminate whnannanaan
oh great
other days it lasts tens of minutes
and it happens repeatedly all day
burts of the clap
in time
and then out of time
he's have the time of his life
i'll have what hes having
clap clap clap
rat rat rat
whnananan whananananna
accompany me with shite
kylie somebody, madonna somehow
clever trevor and the skirst
tina fucking turnoff, fleetfood smak
all the usual shower of shite
why is there no booming of the box?
could it not be recorded and minxed?
then punters from all around would not need to sit by their windows
they could have it on tap
tapped into their dreams
and into their cordal spines
i for one
would mix it into a song by the church
who knows what it could do on jazzy reptile?
with a decent tune it could top the pops
what have i
what have i
what have i done to deserve this...

bizarre luff triangle

strange days indeed ol wonky nose
there has come to light a tale of sickening clarity
the densities of many painters are in limbage
firstly a man that has been known in public circles for many a year
he shall be referred to as 'camel'
and this is his sordid story
he will fall madly in luff with another painter
that shall be known as 'travis'
(names have been changed to protect the maggoty)
now, this 'camel' will become enamoured with this 'travis'
and they will between them
produce a lovechild
of hideous aspect
diminutive in stature
stupid in hair
over enthusiastic in genital waving
and shouty by nature
a monster of the likes hasnt been seen on this planet
making the elephant man look more like pornstar man
this unholy unison shall produce a son
a true spawn of the devils
this annointed child shall be named 'travel'
and its evil shall be felt the world over
then, in a twist of the most insipid kind
their love shall shrivel like a shrinkage affected thing
and 'camel' shall flee the love nest with his youngling, 'travel'
they shall run night and day to avoid the wrath of 'travis'
and they shall find succour in the arms of a beast most hideous
more deformed than 'travel' even
this new union of evil will be formed with a spotted wilderbeest of the undead
that we shall refer to as 'gavun ferrier'
so 'camel' and 'gavun ferrier' passed some torrid nights together
before disgracing off into a cave or something
and soon a new and even more gruesome being was brought into this unsuspecting world
under a rock a seed flourished
uglier than thou, sow or any old how
it was labelled 'gavel'
half brother to the bastard 'travel'
round and spotted like the moon
desperately smelly
more a receptacle than a human
but the flight was not over
in a desperate ploy to throw the monstrous 'travis' off
'camel' packed his disgusting entourage
and took to the hills once again
taking with him 'travel travel' and 'travel gavel'
the pursuit was relentless
the only remaining hope would be to change their names
so it was
that 'Travagenas' and 'Gavagenas' came to terrify an innocent populace

Blokes I'd like you shag.....

there you go

its only a small leap to the place
the lightweights will claim otherwise
the big bad roundabout spelt it all out
sit right down and wait for it all to span out
you could be in the ground floor
lets all just sit down and hear of the opportunities
but its raining outside
not that this makes a small difference
blah did this
blah did that
blah sold his mothers goat to the highest bidder
you know what they say about therrrrrrrrrrrrr
how much disgust can one swallow?
the trees disguise a lot
but not the wail of the ambulances
oi were here when that happened
as if that makes a big bad difference
dont want to make a bad impression
manpower was just an agency
dance for me?
i will use you
you can have a bite of me
its all in the name of professionalismo
susan
oh susan
all your good deeds ran that away
dim smuggy
a4 tells it all
you could be here
or very very there
lets break for a breath of fresh air
whatever happens next
luckily its a small planet
may as well be that man in the kingsway
spruiking the bad smell
so the rain fell
smiles rained down
conquests imaged and small spaces left alone
somebody drew a blank
sure it were a good thang
but the stench didnt change
one can change their latin socks
sit back and dont enjoy the ride

N.C.Y.S.T East Ringwood

A big, deep and breathy voice, some crappo graphics, a gang of stereotyped team members and as many shit moustaches as you like won't help solve these mysteries...
Who did draw that big nose of Willy Koder on the fort?
What was so fun about shouting from on top of the chemists?
What do the juvenile deliquents do in Wombolano Park?
Where would Nigel have gotten his napalm?
Was the booze nicked from outside the Eastwood hall noticed?
What the fuck was the deal with those Frickie sisters?
Why did Simon Jones walk like that?
Did Beavis Junior really snog the entire high school?
Exactly how much of a twat was A Twist?
Did Nugget really speak back?
How long is one and 3/4 hours in East Ringwood?
Did Rosie Peppers really eat the same snack for a week?
Did a cyclone strike Bondi St one night in the 1990's?
How did the oval feel about being stabbed?
Was it tougher to walk on the streets?
Was the champagne better after the bubbles were removed?
How did that girl become so symetrically ugly with her shoes?
At what point in time was Nige scariest?
What really made Beavis' hair do that?
Had anybody ever been scared of a Dungfelder?

did you hear the one about the rat with 14 heads and no anus?

a lady
not just any lady
decides its time to make her mark
with a classy selection of tunes
she toils over a hot keyboard
laughing all the while
while what?
while she scanned and selected
there was plenty of oh my god
plenty of where is that
plenty of alkiholikal beverages
like a baby goat in a shop of sweet things
one of these
ooo ooo a couple of these
whats going on here?
one of those
three of these
DISTRACTION
one of these
oooh i like that one
a couple of those wouldnt go astray
lets bung in a loose one of those
a sprinkle of that should spice things up
DISTRACTION
how much portfolio have i got left?
one of these wouldnt go astray
and a cheeky two over there
you
yes you,
that track skulking in the corner
get in there!
a few more of that
now, lets give it a trial run
...
ahhh superb!
tis enuff to make you wanna shake your holy arse
now the finishing off of
a generous helping of all of those
and one
just one of that
DISTRACTION
okey dokey matey blokey
lets give it a crack
thatll show that big haired freak guy who he is
nothing
nothing
nothing
nothing
nowt
off into the spheres
never, never to come back
....
approximately 0.00 seconds of groovin
nowhere to be seen or heard
ever, ever again
...

il ratto, it lived only 4 seconds...

knowing E, knowing Ewe

ahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
side part
snappy blazer
with blazer badge
alongside the tie forming part of,
the stylish tie and blazer badge combination set...
Sports Casual!

l'homme du sport;
ice white shoes
ice white socks with navy blue double cadet stripe
a pair of shorts
t- shirt with chevron action flash
tossed pink sweater

cruiser arriviste;
canary yellow shirt
sports casual
horizon blue stay creased action slacks
cap
polariods
tan string back driving gloves

imperial leisure;
green blazer
cravatte
hat
summer spectacles
for a touch of class an Alan Partridge blazer badge

strolling pastel;
classic summer suit with the ommission of long trousers

hooray for malta day

for fucksaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake

for fucksaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake is a man
he lived on a hill
well, not really
he did live
but not on a hill
he loved fishing
he was forever hopping on his bike
well, not his bike
it was the bike of his ex boss
then it was the death ship
otherwise known as the masturbike
finally, he went off to the second hand shop
and found one
that WAS NOT a girls bike
he always was on the look out for a little pump
he sits on the piiiiiiiiiiiiiya
apparently catching things
or not really, depending on your point of view
he would puff on his chuff
and whittle away at his english book
he lives with a lady of the most spectacular smile
and a very big voice when roused
they put on quite the show
glad it wasnae me in the hot pot shot
he had a job as a painnnnnnnnnnta
but got shot of that to be a pizzaiolo
with too much time with nowt to do
but watch films, films and piu films!
it then become the hour of the pizzaiolo
but alas!
the scumbags changed the rules
changed the job
changed the location
changed the hours
bastardi!
the crazy neighbour did hate him with a passion
she did bang on the wall
and carry on and lament
for fucksaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake didnae care too much
he sent her to go and do in a culo
until one day
she came to tantrum on his door
and he cried
for fucksaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

little fluffy clouds

it's a larf, innit?
that noise you make at the back of your throat when you hear something funny
it's a rush innit?
when somebody says something that burns your brain
just sitting about
tanto per cambiare
get an email
that'll put a smile on your face
sometimes there are thrills aplenty
it can take so little
to turn shitsville
into smileylandia
welcomed into somebodies confidence
a frank admission of personal doubt
a gift of the open heart
a sharing of dolcezza
made my damn day
handed out a dollop of happiness
the most generous of gifts
a friend that you can't really know
a stranger that you are very familiar with
static moments
pinched from time
11.32 pm saturday 12 2005
boris, arcutage and diana marina
it had a been a crazy night
some geezer in a dress
waving his arms about like a muppet
wonder what he was thinking...
probably something brush-like
the air may have smelled a little
ingested what?

crimes of a hottie

chapps, chapps....... woooooooooooooooahhhhhhhhh chapps!
loitering with stupid hair
loitering with intent to have stupid hair
loitering with the same stupid hair as pete
loitering in St Kilda with stupid hair
showing off of navel
not loitering in fitzroy st with navel on display
naval gazing
having more veins than most people
causing a public disturbance in the gay bar of the POW
causing a public distrubance in the gay bar of the POW with stupid hair on
not performing enough backflips
attempting to seduce rafts of young arab males
public display of naval in the presence of females
causing thronging and longing in the throne room
looking and being generally quite whiffy
attempted decision making
excessive standing around
exposing of wares on street corners
denial of exposing of wares on street corners
meeting tony B and George B in a gay bar

dream dream dream.....

some cliffs
a winding path
a familiar city
flying over the coast
a series of alleys
towers and houses
san remo?
something more along the lines of the goat ocean rd
small inlets
dramatic soaring coast
meet you there?
dont think so

another night
another land
scandinavia or the like
a friendly german family
2 kids and 2 parents
funny combination
some kind of restaurant/bar affair
Bernie was there
thanks for dropping by
we had to be off
many invites to stay on
much wanting to
but a flight was booked
back to ...... ?!

funny how they run into one another
snatches of old dreams appear unrequested
old dreams of snatches ?

no no no

not really

day on the green, night on the hill

it all started off so pleasantly
feeling kinda dopey
some clever person came up with the idea we should stay nearby
genius!
coming the other way
taking the write of way
bokko suckers
follow the follower
all the way past the entrance
turn that behind around
like everybody else
and go to the parking in the fielding
caught like a fish in a net
corralled like big bad dead oxen
to the place where hatted bastards hang out at
everythings okay...
proceed to then pen
reptilian sounds surround us
a good sign for all
find a good poz
amongst the early slurry hunters
find another and go hilling
clearly superior in every way
settle down beavis
what next?
hmm lets see... how about some wine!
clouds move in
a tinkle of sprinkle
big hopes it doesnt feel itself a fixture
Steve will provide
getting comfy enjoying the vibe
josh pyke did his thing
might've been fab
for all anybody noticed
who was that marty man chatting away to me?
and that mega classy figa underarm?
then it was sneaky offy off time
police that way
no good
car park that way
good good
greatest band in the universe come on
and were decidedly the greatest band in the universe
more sneaky offies
more wine
the bard of boronia did his thing
the crowd were in raptures
something about the end of the world i think
more sneaky offies
more wine
let the hollering commence!
them there headliners do their things
very classy
more shouting
declarations of love
standing up, falling into chairs
hard to catch some lunatic bits
before too long....
lights on, people packing up
tricky short cut could have proved disastrous
instead it proved genius
except the hill fell over itself
much to muches muchness merriment
wheres the wotsit?
wots it doing there?
thank all divinities for the dromedary
all that ends in a well
ends up wet
or sitting outside
surrounded my forest and its lovely noises

cyclone salamander extravaganza

some kind of sub tropical storm blew thru town
it uprooted pubs , dignity and common sense
innocent bystanders watch with a mixture of amazement and delight
as the tempest went from loud but docile to downright maniacal
a long drought was broken
snapped off in fact
people hustled for protection
and cars were blown down the grey st kilda streets
alarms and buzzers went off at ungodly hours
a man was seen with his wellies on
it was sure to be a brief storm
the far edge could be seen even from near
body art was flung about the shop
and settled by the by
a few minor gales rippled the calm AFTER the storm
i shall huff and puff and blow your house down

can a storm have good intentions?