(if you wanna pack i'll lend you a hand) you're outta the band!

ever been kicked out of english class as an adult?

i have

(and i wasnt even misbehaving!)

i was sitting in on the english night class of my good mate ismail

at the american language centre of tangier

in that northern moroccan city

(just a heraclean stones throw from costa de los ingleses quemados)

thinking i would have a giggle and perhaps contribute a bit to goings on

with being an ex tefler and all

but only a few minutes in the gringo teacher noticed 

that one of the students was suspiciously non maghrebi in appearance

he sternly asked who i was

and what I was doing in HIS class!

after answering his questions

and lightheartedly saying that i thought the students might like to hear some english

from another native speaker

(a qualified tefler no less!)

he remained distinctly unimpressed

and ordered me out!

at least he didnt threaten to ring my parents!

Free Jazz Mod Paludan

 

Free Jazz Against Paludan is a Danish activist collective of musician/legends who use loud, chaotic free jazz improvisation to drown out the public speeches of racist far-right scumbag populist politician Rasmus Paludan.

Jeg elsker dit arbejde, drukn det slyngel ud!

time al, please...

 

after more than two decades ive finally (vaguely/half remembered) got what on earth al murray was on about in his live show

in the early/mid noughties i went to see al murrays pub landlord stand up show

at the world renowned UOY SEVOL NATAS festival

i dont think i had heard of him

and certainly hadnt heard of the teevee show

and streaming/stealing wasnt really a thing

but my mate was a fan and ive always dug brit comedy

so i went along

it was a fun show

with enough laughs for the uninitiated 

but the many catchphrases went sailing majestically over ma heed

(those in the know laughed themselves silly)

and i have rarely thought about it since

now many blue/mauve/cyan moons later

ive finally got around to watching the tv show his pub landlord character was based upon

time gentlemen please

its at times clever but overall a bit meh

- the fact hunt (say it quickly) is a good gag

- gary the dog dressed up in various disguises is cool

- connie is lush

- greg fleets appearances were a pleasant surprise

- rebecca front is a genius

BUT

- the quantity and frequency of catchphrases just doesnt work

- none of the characters really seem believable and often end up being flimsy caricatures

all that being said, its far superior to stabbing yourself in the eye with a sharp implement 

then spending interminable hours in pronto soccorso surrounded by all forms of human misery

dont have anywhere to park your bike?

spare a thought for the chinese ...

new kind of tosser in town

we all know about the traditional forms of tossers

the ring tosser

the toss acrosser

the ladder tosser

the bean bag tosser

and the nob tosser

but theres an exciting new entrant in the tossing field

its the bison tosser

watch him toss!

ya se acabo el mundial

y gano espana

(sin diacriticos, sin duda)

vence a argentina en el final(isimo)

en un partido poco espectacular

pues messi no lo gano de nuevo

ya esperamos otra teoria de la conspiracian

infantino es un alieno/largato

en vez de ser un malparido corrupto

el fantasma de jhon(!) kenedi 

controlo la pelota con un hechizo

por la cia transdimensional

hitler regreso de la luna

donde se escondia desde entonces 

y pago a los albicelestes con reichsmarks y krugerrands

para que jugaran como mierda

 

bueno, trato hecho $$$$$

hasta el proximo (mundial)

Con agradecimiento a los servicios de traducción de Miniwapa Corp.

real stone(r)/desert rock

the nazca culture flourished in the arid lowlands of southern peru between 100 BCE and 800 CE

in the present day they are famous for their vast geoglyphic lines which depict various shapes and critters.

and NO they werent for fucking aliens you conspiratorial muppet

(and they are best seen by plane and are truly spectacular)

but did you know that they invented heavy metal music?

yeah, munch on that ozzy et al.

take a look at these wicked human remains that can be seen at chauchilla

and try denying that these pre historic bogans werent dirty and dangerous 'bang your head until youre dead' fuckers!

 

(unfortunately their flanelette shirts and black metal tees have disintegrated over the centuries)

words of the weak - pilcrow v silcrow

 

v

The pilcrow (¶) is a typographical symbol used to indicate the start of a new paragraph, while the silcrow (§) is used to reference specific sections of a document. Both symbols serve different purposes in writing and editing

so now you know, stop bombarding me endlessly about various -crows, etymolowankers!

onze ans de mensonges...

 

non, ils ne les appelle pas des babooshs

ils s'appellent des balghas

malheuresement

pendant 11 ans

je me promenais

en disant que ils s'appellent babooshs

par chance je ne sors pas souvent

et encore moins en les portant

donc le dommage n'etait pas grave!

quand meme

la question demeure

d'ou me vient l'idee qu'ils s'appelaient ainsi?

putain!

No debí haberla llamado así

 

la mejor amigo de vanessa 

era un chica simpatica 

pero muy naca

tenia todo los signos de naquismo

los cabellos tenidos de rubio

la pronunciacion muy marcada

ropa de heavy metal

ella inclusa fumaba los cigarillos de marca super naca (pjs)

como he siempre estado impertinente

empeze a llamarla boronia a mi amigo

y el novio de vanessa

como ves arriba

la boronia es una planta hermosa

y tambien un barrio bastante verde

donde viven muchos nacos

y salir por la noche con algo distincto de su 'uniforme'

(y a veces por el dia!)

es sumamente peligroso

pues

esta senorita no venia de aqulla parte de la ciudad

de hecho venia del otro lado completemente

a una distancia de al menos 50 kms!

sin embargo

en los meses siguientes

yo y mi amigo haciamos muchas burlas sobre esta 'boronia'

 y cuando nos vimos de nuevo con vanessa y su amiga

comence a llamarla asi en su cara

mi amigo se exploto en carcajadas

la pobrecita se veia muy confundida

vanessa se enfado mucho

y yo mi disculpe en diciendo es una broma estupida

pero ya era demasiado tarde

y entre mi grupo de amigos 

ella seria llamada boronia para siempre

y raramente, desde entonces me odio

scorc(h)io a pietra d'argento

 il campo interno a silverstone lo scorso fine settimana

che strano era vedere il gran premio di gran bretagna qualche giorno fa

tutto attorno la tracciata l'erba era marroncina

non come il solito 

nella 'terra verde e piacevole' di blake

era roba piu consueto di 'un paese bruciato dal sole' di mackellar

ed ancora tutti sti cretini dicono 'no, no, niente da vedere'

prossimamente un gran premio all'inferno!

as i knew the president wasnt coming, i baked a cake

a wondrous cinematic balm (a bomb?!?) for the previous nonsense wound

real, empathetic characters

(including a hefty cock)

telling a difficult but somehow relatable (despite being far beyond many of our worldly experiences)

in a manner that doesnt condescend or assume the viewer is a simpleton 

who desperately needs their ewallet emptied toute suite on branded tat

choukran alsayid hadi waghayrihim