prince wholliam comes to visit

prince billiam of engerland and scotterland and waleserland and notheren irelandland and the scilly isles and the isle of manx and jersy and blah blah blah came to australia for a few days recently. He is second in line to the throne of those places and hence rich and theoretically powerful....
he got off with a koala and kissed a baby and the usual hogwash and the media went into a frenzy..

who gives a shit?

bum chin? in their dreams...

what's that on your leg?

is it a scotch egg?

osstraya day 2010

it goes a bit like this
at some time 60,000 or so years ago a small group of brown people boarded some rickety rafts and crossed over the the little bit of water separating a big island from the archipelago which is now indonesia...
as time went on their decendants and some newcomers spread all over this enormous chunk of land and developed a sophisticated series of cultures and languages...
they lived this way for tens of thousands of years, largely in peace and learned to live from the land in some of the harshest environments on earth.
THEN... it all went wrong on this very day in 1788 some pale people showed up, stuck a stick in the ground with a prettily patterned cloth on it, proclaimed that it belonged to some inbred fools with silly hats on a cold tiny island on the farthest part of the earth and called it osstraya.
over the next 200 years more and more of the pale people arrived and gradually took over the entire continent, disposessing, killing and systematically trying to breed the brown people out of existence because they were inferior. they felled the vast majority of forests and brought their foreign animals to provide food. These animals had hard hooves unlike any local animals and they destroyed the thin layer of top soil, turning the land into desert.
they also brought other animals such as rabbits and mice, which then escaped and bred like rabbits and mice which dominated the scarce food supplies. in addition they brought carnivores which escaped and hunted the local fauna, which was defenceless against these new predators. These factors caused a wave of extinction of a series of animals that had evolved to live in this unique environment, isolated by water for millions of years. the brown people that endured were until recently treated as second rate people in their own country, not allowed to vote and without any rights. Today this island is one of the richest on earth yet the majority of the brown people live in poverty in third world conditions, with a substancially lower life expectancy than the pale people...
it is the anniversary of that stick with a prettily patterned cloth being thrust into the ground that we 'celebrate' today....
n.b The brown people don't call this day osstraya day, they have another name for it-invasion day

who can save us now?

+

=
Walesman
Humanity's only hope?

the cocaine in spain falls mainly in the lidl

Brilliant! I'm just going to the supermarket to get some errr... pick-me-up fruit.

3/01/01

One of the biggest drug busts of the year happened today when police announced finding over 100 kilos of cocaine hidden inside bananas on display in Lidl's supermarkets across Madrid. "Something went wrong" Police surrounded Lidl supermarkets across Madrid and sniffer dogs examined the fruit section of every one of the discount supermarkets after a Lidl store worker found packages of cocaine inside the bananas he was putting on display. Lidl's said that the discovery was "a shock" and said it was cooperating with police, according to El Mundo newspaper. It appears that bananas were slit open and small packages of the drug hidden inside the fruit before it left Ecuador. A Lidl's store worker told of how "three or four police cars turned up in the carpark and sealed off the fruit section, before sending dogs through; they then put all the fruit on a central table and opened them. Occasionally they would shout out "here's one!" as they ripped the fruit apart looking for drug bags". Police say that they assume someone was to have intercepted the drug once it arrived in Spain. However, for whatever reason, Lidl representatives bought the fruit at open auction in Madrid's fruit market (Mercamadrid) before distributing it to supermarkets across Madrid.Cocaine infected bananas have been found at six different Lidl's across Madrid, as well as their Caceres and Plascencia stores, all supplied by Mercamadrid. Police say that obviously the supermarket had nothing to do with the drug, having simple bought the fruit at open market - Police are now trying to dis over why the drug traffickers did not intercept the drug before it reached open market. Lidl has removed all Madrid sourced bananas from sale across the central region of Spain, according to press reports. Early reports that the drug was actually heroin have been corrected.

bloody fucking zanzarre

11.30pm rather sleepy, off to bed, a read of la sombra del viento before snooze
midnight really sleepy, up with the adventures of daniel sempere and co, lights out
12.02 fucking zanzarre!
12.06 fucking zanzarre!
12.07-12.40 fucking zanzarre
12.41 fuck this. lights on and a bit more of la sombra
1.02 really bloody sleepy, lights out
1.04 fucking zanzarre!
1.05-13.20 mother fucking zanzarre
1.21 fuck this, lights on
1.25 out the back for a fag
1.32 take a wazz, back to bed
1.35-1345 a quck eye on senor sempere
1.46-super fucking tired, lights out
1.47-14.15 shitting fucking zanzarre
2.16-14.20 lights on, zanzarra hunt, no luck
2.20-2-55 fucking bloody shitting bastard zanzarre
2.56 get bitten, scratch arse, bloody zanzarre!
3.04 kill nasty little zanzarra, hope revived
3.09-3.32 more of daniel sempere's adventures
3.33 now to sleep! huzzah!
3.36 mother fucking arse rectinol cunting zanzarre
3.37 - 3.45 lights on, where are the fuckers hiding!
3.46 go out back for a fag
3.57-3.14 read a little more
3.15 lights out, vain atttempt at sleep
3.18-3.41 fucking zanzarre
3.42 consider moving to couch in desperation
3.44 think- why me? the world is a shit of a place!
3.55-4.22 fucking bloody arseing stronzi di zanzarre
4.23-4.44 lights on, further viente in the sombra
4.45 plan to kill every insect on earth, including john howard
4.47 think- these are smart prick zanzarre, with camouflage, will they one day rule the earth?
4.49-5.06 fucking zanzarre
5.07 HA! kill other zanzarra
5.08 parade around room in underpants celebrating resounding defeat of zanzarre (hopefully)
5.11-5.40 indulge in a little further ththpanish reading
5.41 lights off, now off to glorious sleep at last
5.43-6.11 adrenalin surge of momentous victory prevents sleep, fucking zanzarre
6.13 pop sleeping pill and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

national lampoon rubbish vacation 2

Public Service Announcement: This move is SHIT and dangerously dire! It should not be approached under any circumstances.
This movie went straight to video, it should have gone straight to LAVATORY!
rating: complete lavatory reflux

goat non attack

i aint afraid of no goat...

fairy liquid

today i saw three fairies

they didnt live at the bottom of the garden

oh no

they lived in boisenberry cottage cheese or something

they danced and sang

but not in unison

at times it seemed that one or t'other didnt know the words

or the moves

one was bigger than the other two

she claimed to be the mother of the other two fairies

it wasnt a very convincing claim

one had more teeth than most fairies

one had a long shiny wand

and another had a short stubby noisy wand

and one went wazz wazz wazz all the way around

they made an awful racket

magically running into the room

magically running out of the room

casting shrinking and growing spells

(with dubious effect)

the largest fairy knew how to operate a cd player

which was unfortunate

the green fairy told me off most sternly for talking

then in a subtle hullaballoo

the largest one then became some kind of 1940's movie siren

well then, what IS at the bottom of the garden?

oooohhhh ohhhh tyrant

he was a big lady
he had a big red bag
he swung it high
then he swung it low
he swung it all over the show
he had big boots
with big ol' heels
with which he kicked some heads
and stomped on the reds
his upper lip bristled
when he got cranky
it was most clearly unwaxed
or his patience was taxed
he sat atop a gilted throne
and peered down at the plebs
begging and beseeching
flailing and screeching
he demanded tribute and gold
to be brought from all around
the smifs from round your way
and the canstandyas over the bay
he needs no plebiscite to rule
twas gods that put him there
they spoke to him alone
on that rocky outcrop
did tell him he werent no common slop
he'll reign til kingdom come
til the 4 goats of armagedden it
pishting lens, whore, fame and def jam
they will wreak havoc and this erf
and take him up alone, or maybe with a serf

wot rot...

it's grim up north, innit?

It's all white, is this what the white supremicists of the BNP were dreaming of?

you broke a beautiful thing

i was going to write a brilliant, incisive, breathtaking blog but i just canfa-s8d4kjfgp;49v;an45906lgf959052kl5;gfjklkva]fgyh65h4hjh[z9856ks;'ds

befanarama

La Befana

La grande festa dell' epifania per tutti i bambini a Piazza Navona a Roma che ogni anno si ripete con tanti bellissimi doni

La Befana è una vecchia brutta e gobba, con il naso adunco e il mento aguzzo, vestita di stracci e coperta di fuliggine, perchè entra nelle case attraverso la cappa del camino.

Infatti la notte tra il 5 e il 6 gennaio, mentre tutti dormono infila doni e dolcetti nelle calze dei bambini appese al caminetto.

Insomma, è una sorta di Babbo Natale in gonnella!

Ai bambini buoni lascia caramelle e dolcetti, a quelli cattivi lascia pezzi di carbone.

La Befana si festeggia nel giorno dell'Epifania, che di solito chiude le vacanze natalizie.

Il termine “Befana” deriva dal greco “Epifania” che significa “apparizione, manifestazione”.

Avvenne nella notte tra il 5 ed il 6 gennaio che i Re Magi fecero visita a Gesù per offrirgli oro, incenso e mirra.

Anche la Befana apparve nei cieli, a cavallo della sua scopa, ad elargire doni o carbone, a seconda che i bambini siano stati buoni o cattivi.

Una leggenda spiega la coincidenza così:

una sera di un inverno freddissimo, bussarono alla porticina della casa della Befana tre personaggi elegantemente vestiti: erano i Re Magi che, da molto lontano, si erano messi in cammino per rendere omaggio al bambino Gesù.

Le chiesero dov’era la strada per Betlemme e la vecchietta indicò loro il cammino ma, nonostante le loro insistenze lei non si unì a loro perché aveva troppe faccende da sbrigare.

Dopo che i Re Magi se ne furono andati sentì che aveva sbagliato a rifiutare il loro invito e decise di raggiungerli.

Uscì a cercarli ma non riusciva a trovarli.

Così bussò ad ogni porta lasciando un dono ad ogni bambino nella speranza che uno di loro fosse Gesù.

Così, da allora ha continuato per millenni, nella notte tra il 5 ed il 6 gennaio a cavallo della sua scopa

the noughties-a decade in revue

pants, quite frankly