leave your passport/camera on a train in Prague, Czech Republic
hearing a loud roar when the lions are supposed to have left in Botswana
not reading saucy diary invitation until too late in Cape Town, South Africa
falling asleep on the road in the Dordogne, France
loudly demeaning bogans at the Australian Grand Prix
Getting so high that 10 metres was too far to bed in Copenhagen
Being too hung over and miss seeing Mt Fuji twice in Japan
Staying still when voices were heard on top of Old Sarum, UK
Climbing Three cliffs with sweaty sandals, Gower Peninsula, UK
Not locking the door in hostel, Salzburg
Wandering the streets on new year's eve shouting 'happy new anus', San Sebastian, Spain
trying to sleep in a frozen car, Edinburgh, UK
not getting high in Amsterdam
not ducking head at the right moment, Alton Towers UK
jumping on frozen river , north west Scotland
wandering about countryside with big heavy bag and gypsies for company, Slovakia
Getting off aeroplane, Brisbane Australia
not buying the giant tour poster Bristol, UK
drinking majority of Aftershock bottle, Nile river Egypt
Hiking the Inca Trail without anti-inflammatories, Peru
Having too many beers before the show, Innsbruck, Austria
Booking earlier flight to UK than was necessary, San Diego, USA
Not looking too closely at silk item, Hua Hin, Thailand
Not listening to dodgy copied CD's, Costa Smeralda, Sardinia
smoking too much dope the night before final Scuba exam, Malawi
Challenging bartender to drinking competition with Polish spirit, Kyoto, Japan
dropping other peoples mobiles in frankston lavatories
eating that accursed paella in Barcelona, coz 'it's the best'
finishing that bottle of grappa and the going for a walk in Umbria
remembering to brake on King St, when John Cunt Howard was crossing
not keeping your mouth shut in Nairobi, Kenya
agreeing to follow Lets Go to Interlaken, Switzerland american hell
not running from Israeli hordes in Ica, Peru
Not deliberately programming an entire office full of computers to read "Richard Buttmunch Harvey" in Swansea, UK
cleverly leaving my wallet in back pocket in a bakery in Harare, Zimbabwe
Not bothering to quadruple check accommodation details for late night welsh monsoon arrival with Bob in Swansea, UK
Seeing no need to learn about ancient Minoan culture before gawking at volcanoes in the Aegean Sea, Greece
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I just wanna smoke it
One week down
how many weeks up ?
no sugar
no wheat
no dairy products
next to no fruit
nothing frozen,
nothing from a packet
nothing from a tin, jar, barrel or other vessel
no booze
no fags
no dope
no trips
how much rice can one stomach stomach ?
how many stir-fries can you look in the eye?
is their a limit on buckwheat pancakes?
can too much vegetable slurry drink do you harm?
soy milk is all the rage
but a little bit of flavour lionel wouldn't be unloved
filtered water
sitting by the demi-joan
tip, split, splurt, splash
what a fucking waste of time
lucky i've got plenty to throw
seeds, the birds are on to something
how many baby pumpkins must die?
the massacre of tournasols
they will never turn from where they are going
6-7 almonds, does that mean 6 and a half?
10% cashews is a bit cheeky
but what can you do when you need a spread
and your hand is poor?
BUT good news is at hand
all tomorrows parties will have exciting guests
eggs
small serving of avocado
wacky thrillybits bread
and other obscene pleasures that pass me by
what will it all bring?
apart from boredom...
exciting slimline executive model?
clear skin so clear you can see the other side of the plane?
liver bored shitless ?
kidneys closing down for the summer?
less air pollution?
incredible health recovery and impending triathlons?
or maybe a stroll around the blockage?
the connotations are limited
the permeatations are meaningless
the stipulations are several
ahh but weeks from now...
won't it be peachy
how good will that first beer taste?
that first lovely drop of wine?
that first pizza ?
butsugiri melting slowly in the mouth?
good intentions follow
life changing affirmations
I will learn the difference between krishna and vishnu
Siddharta might mean something more...
and the Indus valley culture might explain a lot the aryans never could or would.
bokko!
how many weeks up ?
no sugar
no wheat
no dairy products
next to no fruit
nothing frozen,
nothing from a packet
nothing from a tin, jar, barrel or other vessel
no booze
no fags
no dope
no trips
how much rice can one stomach stomach ?
how many stir-fries can you look in the eye?
is their a limit on buckwheat pancakes?
can too much vegetable slurry drink do you harm?
soy milk is all the rage
but a little bit of flavour lionel wouldn't be unloved
filtered water
sitting by the demi-joan
tip, split, splurt, splash
what a fucking waste of time
lucky i've got plenty to throw
seeds, the birds are on to something
how many baby pumpkins must die?
the massacre of tournasols
they will never turn from where they are going
6-7 almonds, does that mean 6 and a half?
10% cashews is a bit cheeky
but what can you do when you need a spread
and your hand is poor?
BUT good news is at hand
all tomorrows parties will have exciting guests
eggs
small serving of avocado
wacky thrillybits bread
and other obscene pleasures that pass me by
what will it all bring?
apart from boredom...
exciting slimline executive model?
clear skin so clear you can see the other side of the plane?
liver bored shitless ?
kidneys closing down for the summer?
less air pollution?
incredible health recovery and impending triathlons?
or maybe a stroll around the blockage?
the connotations are limited
the permeatations are meaningless
the stipulations are several
ahh but weeks from now...
won't it be peachy
how good will that first beer taste?
that first lovely drop of wine?
that first pizza ?
butsugiri melting slowly in the mouth?
good intentions follow
life changing affirmations
I will learn the difference between krishna and vishnu
Siddharta might mean something more...
and the Indus valley culture might explain a lot the aryans never could or would.
bokko!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
the book of marrone
it's kind of brown
doesn't lead anywhere
not involving any crucibles, chalices or dreaming spires
sits you down when you least expect it
won't make any promises
doesn't demand you paint your shoes
it will let you use electricity
doesn't make you wear silly hats or robes
lets you trim your beard and sideburns
it doesn't have a holy land
and won't demand crusades
no tall stories about big heads
women play a prominent role
not just seductresses and mothers
sweet mother earth
what are you worth?
you can eat all the meat you want
goat, pork, beef and rodent
it will leave you with some doubt
but none of it will be about the book
double spacing
extra large print
if you swear on it
it'll most likely swear back on you
there will be no need to stay up at solstices
no scrounging about clearings
paying masons to carve out your gargoyles
it may be of use to impress the ladies
it will definitely be of use to show the blokes up
keep your bincolulars in the cupboard
you won't need to pray or prey
no need to whack yourself silly
or wear a shirt of hessian
hardly a demanding book
not like some
you can still peep through the keyhole
and you can tell your cousin all about it
you might make out the hut in the woods
the one beyond the lake
and learn the meaning of life
you won't need to follow a gourd
eat acid laced lichen
and speak with its avatars
then again, the book won't commit itself
best of all there are no illustrations
so you can dream it all up
the protagonists will follow your intelligent design
fuck the pope's
keep on your toes
sooner or later
someone will throw it at you
doesn't lead anywhere
not involving any crucibles, chalices or dreaming spires
sits you down when you least expect it
won't make any promises
doesn't demand you paint your shoes
it will let you use electricity
doesn't make you wear silly hats or robes
lets you trim your beard and sideburns
it doesn't have a holy land
and won't demand crusades
no tall stories about big heads
women play a prominent role
not just seductresses and mothers
sweet mother earth
what are you worth?
you can eat all the meat you want
goat, pork, beef and rodent
it will leave you with some doubt
but none of it will be about the book
double spacing
extra large print
if you swear on it
it'll most likely swear back on you
there will be no need to stay up at solstices
no scrounging about clearings
paying masons to carve out your gargoyles
it may be of use to impress the ladies
it will definitely be of use to show the blokes up
keep your bincolulars in the cupboard
you won't need to pray or prey
no need to whack yourself silly
or wear a shirt of hessian
hardly a demanding book
not like some
you can still peep through the keyhole
and you can tell your cousin all about it
you might make out the hut in the woods
the one beyond the lake
and learn the meaning of life
you won't need to follow a gourd
eat acid laced lichen
and speak with its avatars
then again, the book won't commit itself
best of all there are no illustrations
so you can dream it all up
the protagonists will follow your intelligent design
fuck the pope's
keep on your toes
sooner or later
someone will throw it at you
Sunday, August 27, 2006
black in metropolis
it is a little known fact that before the 1970's the world was entirely black and white
your grandparents met in black and white
the cote d'azure was known as the cote de gris
your dad was born in black and white
wars were fought with black bullets
shooting greyish soldiers
the blood they shed was more black than white
the sun beat down in a greyish white
causing blackish sunburn (and cancer)
embarassed schoolgirls blushed grey
when a handsome man smiled their way
Harold Holt drowned in black and white
the divers who searched for his body were greyish
the japanese who didn't take him were a darker shade of grey
the beatles mops were plenty black
to offset their white shirts
race was harder to define
greenpeace struggled for identity
the trains and trams were shades of black
(not actually possible)
it didn't specifically slow them down
the rails were a blackish hue
and the passengers didn't dare break the monochrome
charlie black was a favourite kids comic
political scandals all occurred in black and white
prostitutes plied there trade with glossy black lipstick
short blackish dresses
and lurid greyish white make up
family reunions were all variants of grey
little boys ran around in their grey long shorts
baby girls had slightly whiter jump suits
blues music was generally known as greys
at xmas time all the presents were wrapped in colourful black and white paper
sometimes black with grey splashes and white dots
the fireworks sure were something to behold
lighting the black sky up with splashes of white and grey
nobody ever succeeded in painting the town red
big hair was often black, grey or white
never red, brown or blonde
'all the colours of the rainbow' meant a little less
blackish oceans with white caps rocked black boats
schools of grey fish dived and weaved to avoid the vivid white seabirds with their black beaks
ignorant white men in north america called the indigineous peoples greyskins
juries sat on dark grey benches
listening to black haired lawyers
whilst defendants shivered in their black suits
blood black roses promised eternal devotion
cowards were accused of being light grey
for not dying pointlessly in a foreign land
mobsters sped down dark grey alleys in their black cars
burning down black shops with dazzling white flames
and beat them black and white
when the proprietors paid no heed money
pouring nice grey concrete booties for supergrassi
that screamed black murder as they were dragged down the pier
politicians took black and white bribes
so grey buildings could take the place of blackened forests
i wonder what oranges were called?
and
Limebeavers were unheard of...
your grandparents met in black and white
the cote d'azure was known as the cote de gris
your dad was born in black and white
wars were fought with black bullets
shooting greyish soldiers
the blood they shed was more black than white
the sun beat down in a greyish white
causing blackish sunburn (and cancer)
embarassed schoolgirls blushed grey
when a handsome man smiled their way
Harold Holt drowned in black and white
the divers who searched for his body were greyish
the japanese who didn't take him were a darker shade of grey
the beatles mops were plenty black
to offset their white shirts
race was harder to define
greenpeace struggled for identity
the trains and trams were shades of black
(not actually possible)
it didn't specifically slow them down
the rails were a blackish hue
and the passengers didn't dare break the monochrome
charlie black was a favourite kids comic
political scandals all occurred in black and white
prostitutes plied there trade with glossy black lipstick
short blackish dresses
and lurid greyish white make up
family reunions were all variants of grey
little boys ran around in their grey long shorts
baby girls had slightly whiter jump suits
blues music was generally known as greys
at xmas time all the presents were wrapped in colourful black and white paper
sometimes black with grey splashes and white dots
the fireworks sure were something to behold
lighting the black sky up with splashes of white and grey
nobody ever succeeded in painting the town red
big hair was often black, grey or white
never red, brown or blonde
'all the colours of the rainbow' meant a little less
blackish oceans with white caps rocked black boats
schools of grey fish dived and weaved to avoid the vivid white seabirds with their black beaks
ignorant white men in north america called the indigineous peoples greyskins
juries sat on dark grey benches
listening to black haired lawyers
whilst defendants shivered in their black suits
blood black roses promised eternal devotion
cowards were accused of being light grey
for not dying pointlessly in a foreign land
mobsters sped down dark grey alleys in their black cars
burning down black shops with dazzling white flames
and beat them black and white
when the proprietors paid no heed money
pouring nice grey concrete booties for supergrassi
that screamed black murder as they were dragged down the pier
politicians took black and white bribes
so grey buildings could take the place of blackened forests
i wonder what oranges were called?
and
Limebeavers were unheard of...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
great 'taches of the 20th century
weird al yankovic
e-babes
carlos valderamma
hitler
merv hughes
david boon
george donikian
tom selleck
lenin
burt reynolds
george roper
salvador dali
john cleese
fletch
ron jeremy
nigel mansell
inspector clouseau
peter cook
harold pompino
david cloke
george harrison
uncle roger
funk
rodney marsh
errol flynn
mother theresa
stalin
fu man chu
genghis khan (his hardness overruns any timeline concerns)
saddam hussein
kalyan ramjisain
Ned flanders
gerald sbrugnera
homerclese
Mr Adams
Frank Ulm
natasha varga
freddie mercury
Polish males (cold war)
greek females (over 50)
shell suited pale teen brits
arab, arabs and some more arabs
alfonse arseberg
albert einstein
Lionel Ritchie
DID I MISS ANYBODY?
e-babes
carlos valderamma
hitler
merv hughes
david boon
george donikian
tom selleck
lenin
burt reynolds
george roper
salvador dali
john cleese
fletch
ron jeremy
nigel mansell
inspector clouseau
peter cook
harold pompino
david cloke
george harrison
uncle roger
funk
rodney marsh
errol flynn
mother theresa
stalin
fu man chu
genghis khan (his hardness overruns any timeline concerns)
saddam hussein
kalyan ramjisain
Ned flanders
gerald sbrugnera
homerclese
Mr Adams
Frank Ulm
natasha varga
freddie mercury
Polish males (cold war)
greek females (over 50)
shell suited pale teen brits
arab, arabs and some more arabs
alfonse arseberg
albert einstein
Lionel Ritchie
DID I MISS ANYBODY?
Friday, August 25, 2006
copyrite lite ?
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Impotence
collective punishment is a war crime
Israel has been collectively punishing Palestinians since the state existed
now they have taken once again to collectively punishing the Lebanese
anybody remember Ariel Bastard Sharon directing the slaughter at Shabrila refugee camp in the 1980's?
all with the tacit approval of the USA
let's try on ethnic cleansing
USA and Europe look the other way through guilt
keep playing the guilt card
nobody can criticize you that way
let's bomb UN observers
let's shoot down pacifists
Israel destroyed huge parts of the infrastructure of Lebanon
will Israel pay for the damage done?
where Hizbollah fighters were nowhere to be seen
Israel was looking for an excuse
cross-border skirmishes happen all the time
over a thousand lebanese were killed
the large majority were innocents
children.....
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE JUSTICE IN THIS?
sure, hizbollah were a huge threat to the state of Israel
the Israel with great big fuck off nuclear weapons
the US rushed bombs across oceans for the laying waste of Beirut
somebody in the armaments industry earned well
Israel was founded on a lie
the israelites never committed suicide at Masada
rather than fight the romans
spin only spin
a state then built on guilt
dispossessing the indigenous peoples
making them second class citizens in their own land
and progressively grabbing at more and more land
Sheba farms, Golan Hights, huge chunks of the West Bank and Gaza, Sinai...
what stems from religion,
what stems from (claims of) race
Race; can you convert to a race?
Race; can you be of a race if it is only passed on via the mother?
therefore you could be 1% hebrew but still a Jew
Gentiles... well they are all going to hell
not gods chosen people
it's okay they are inferior
we can treat them as we wish
one Israeli life is worth a thousand arabs
propped up by the USA
influential jews in Washington
and more sadly
the christian tossers that hope to convert the jews at armageddon
quick, let's cry 'anti-semitism'
semitism is a way of life
arabs are semitic people
so let's just all turn a blind eye as before
let israel build it's wall
nowhere near the agreed borders
steal more land
control more water
make Palestine ungovernable which gives the excuse to keep up persecution
any state, democratic or otherwise based on race and/or religion
is RACIST
go fuck yourselves
you are no better than the people around you
your god is false
and you are fools to believe otherwise
israel is the architect of its own doom
the USA is holding its hand on the way down
great idea
make yourself more hated by your neighbours
history is cyclical
and a lot more innocent people are going to die
ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Israel has been collectively punishing Palestinians since the state existed
now they have taken once again to collectively punishing the Lebanese
anybody remember Ariel Bastard Sharon directing the slaughter at Shabrila refugee camp in the 1980's?
all with the tacit approval of the USA
let's try on ethnic cleansing
USA and Europe look the other way through guilt
keep playing the guilt card
nobody can criticize you that way
let's bomb UN observers
let's shoot down pacifists
Israel destroyed huge parts of the infrastructure of Lebanon
will Israel pay for the damage done?
where Hizbollah fighters were nowhere to be seen
Israel was looking for an excuse
cross-border skirmishes happen all the time
over a thousand lebanese were killed
the large majority were innocents
children.....
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE JUSTICE IN THIS?
sure, hizbollah were a huge threat to the state of Israel
the Israel with great big fuck off nuclear weapons
the US rushed bombs across oceans for the laying waste of Beirut
somebody in the armaments industry earned well
Israel was founded on a lie
the israelites never committed suicide at Masada
rather than fight the romans
spin only spin
a state then built on guilt
dispossessing the indigenous peoples
making them second class citizens in their own land
and progressively grabbing at more and more land
Sheba farms, Golan Hights, huge chunks of the West Bank and Gaza, Sinai...
what stems from religion,
what stems from (claims of) race
Race; can you convert to a race?
Race; can you be of a race if it is only passed on via the mother?
therefore you could be 1% hebrew but still a Jew
Gentiles... well they are all going to hell
not gods chosen people
it's okay they are inferior
we can treat them as we wish
one Israeli life is worth a thousand arabs
propped up by the USA
influential jews in Washington
and more sadly
the christian tossers that hope to convert the jews at armageddon
quick, let's cry 'anti-semitism'
semitism is a way of life
arabs are semitic people
so let's just all turn a blind eye as before
let israel build it's wall
nowhere near the agreed borders
steal more land
control more water
make Palestine ungovernable which gives the excuse to keep up persecution
any state, democratic or otherwise based on race and/or religion
is RACIST
go fuck yourselves
you are no better than the people around you
your god is false
and you are fools to believe otherwise
israel is the architect of its own doom
the USA is holding its hand on the way down
great idea
make yourself more hated by your neighbours
history is cyclical
and a lot more innocent people are going to die
ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
i wish that i could remember...
I don't recall the face
I don't remember the features
it could have been momentous
It might not have been worthy
it should have been more noteworthy
a blaze of haze
fireworks and a grand show
any old tripe might have thrilled
smoke, noise and dark corners
spinning mirror balls lighting up faces
only fleetingly
that might have been a smile
not so different from a grimace though
body language slurs
what's that sensation?
love, hate ?
no, only indifference
lean on a cigarette machine
nonchalance resembles no chance
quick, read too much into it...
there might be no time like the moment just passed
somebody did feel the vibe
huddle in the corner
feel the studs in the back
watching the flailing
unobtainable and visceral
a vital piece of communication just flew by
next stop on the luff bus is long gone
press the button
walk the hill
past the posh school and the playing fields
the name of the street was what?
how on earth can one recall the place from one glance?
self assurance falls face flat
12 years on he said that she felt
the horizontal stripes ring a bell
that perfume makes me think of greece
meet the sunshine
smiles from the bus park
inner beauty that hurts your eyes
random encounters in a language nobody speaks
right, now we are all off to mackerdoniere...
I don't remember the features
it could have been momentous
It might not have been worthy
it should have been more noteworthy
a blaze of haze
fireworks and a grand show
any old tripe might have thrilled
smoke, noise and dark corners
spinning mirror balls lighting up faces
only fleetingly
that might have been a smile
not so different from a grimace though
body language slurs
what's that sensation?
love, hate ?
no, only indifference
lean on a cigarette machine
nonchalance resembles no chance
quick, read too much into it...
there might be no time like the moment just passed
somebody did feel the vibe
huddle in the corner
feel the studs in the back
watching the flailing
unobtainable and visceral
a vital piece of communication just flew by
next stop on the luff bus is long gone
press the button
walk the hill
past the posh school and the playing fields
the name of the street was what?
how on earth can one recall the place from one glance?
self assurance falls face flat
12 years on he said that she felt
the horizontal stripes ring a bell
that perfume makes me think of greece
meet the sunshine
smiles from the bus park
inner beauty that hurts your eyes
random encounters in a language nobody speaks
right, now we are all off to mackerdoniere...
Monday, August 21, 2006
Opiniondated
Have an opinion on;
evil lying bastard politicians
maggots that destroy the planet
corporate arseholes that finance it
religious morons who think they can tell you how to live
commercial media the world over
sucking beyond all reasonable realms of suckdom
forests laid waste
the treatment of indigineous peoples
the politicisation of indigineous issues
men that control women's lives in the name of tradition
music that makes you shiver
and feel something despite all the drugs, distractions and dirge
International systems that keep the downtrodden down
the control of power by the few
Murdoch, Berluschifo, Packer...
the rich countries that shit on the poor countries
and rig the system so it shall be so in the future
Pharmaceutical companies screwing with peoples lives
Shell shooting Nigerians
friends that aren't so in name only
rascism, sexism, ageism and any other ism that Ferris didn't nominate
the world
not just your little whole
Israelis destroying the homes of lebanese and Palestinians
Australia following the US no matter how stupid
Tony Blair drunk on power
if he's the poodle
what does that make Howard?
got it, a WORM
Moroccans poaching Western Sahara
Indonesians thieving West Papua
Janjaweed killing black people in Sudan
Han chinese invading tibet
Burma and Thailand destroying the Karen
Holland being swallowed by Muslims
Khmer temples ransacked
Buddha statues blown to bits by Taleban
Idiotic Ecuadorians messing with the Galapagos
Idiotic Americans messing with the world
Japan lying about whaling, fishing
and rewriting history
the radicalisation of Islam
the radicalisation of Judaism
the radicalisation of Hinduism
the radicalisation of Christianity
and so on.
Worker rights put to the sword
stem cell research held back by the backwards
people locked up without charge
unaustralian activites!
current affairs programs
right wing columnists and shock jocks
exploitation of those that cannot defend themselves
anti-abortionists that kill
And
smug fuckers
evil lying bastard politicians
maggots that destroy the planet
corporate arseholes that finance it
religious morons who think they can tell you how to live
commercial media the world over
sucking beyond all reasonable realms of suckdom
forests laid waste
the treatment of indigineous peoples
the politicisation of indigineous issues
men that control women's lives in the name of tradition
music that makes you shiver
and feel something despite all the drugs, distractions and dirge
International systems that keep the downtrodden down
the control of power by the few
Murdoch, Berluschifo, Packer...
the rich countries that shit on the poor countries
and rig the system so it shall be so in the future
Pharmaceutical companies screwing with peoples lives
Shell shooting Nigerians
friends that aren't so in name only
rascism, sexism, ageism and any other ism that Ferris didn't nominate
the world
not just your little whole
Israelis destroying the homes of lebanese and Palestinians
Australia following the US no matter how stupid
Tony Blair drunk on power
if he's the poodle
what does that make Howard?
got it, a WORM
Moroccans poaching Western Sahara
Indonesians thieving West Papua
Janjaweed killing black people in Sudan
Han chinese invading tibet
Burma and Thailand destroying the Karen
Holland being swallowed by Muslims
Khmer temples ransacked
Buddha statues blown to bits by Taleban
Idiotic Ecuadorians messing with the Galapagos
Idiotic Americans messing with the world
Japan lying about whaling, fishing
and rewriting history
the radicalisation of Islam
the radicalisation of Judaism
the radicalisation of Hinduism
the radicalisation of Christianity
and so on.
Worker rights put to the sword
stem cell research held back by the backwards
people locked up without charge
unaustralian activites!
current affairs programs
right wing columnists and shock jocks
exploitation of those that cannot defend themselves
anti-abortionists that kill
And
smug fuckers
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Ted Nugent is really quite a peaceable fellow
on a track, winding back near a shed and a shack
there is Ted Nugent.
previously known principally for his riffs and his rants
now it has been observed to be a place of peace and tranquility
have you heard about maria? she hated the ratrace...
the trees that haven't been cut down for their own good
are thick on the ground
except they stand tall
there is the splish splash, crick, crock GALUOOMPSHSHHS
of the waterfallen
there are rocks, boulders and ents
there are sticks
oh, how many sticks
all shapes and sizes
some mysteriously unnatural forms
still, they all taste the sameish
there are 2 pubs
2 pool tables
and the saw blade of damocles is everywhere you tread
D O N ' T L O O K U P
so keep still, keep your eyes peeled, roll up your trouser legs
wood fires, wood huts, wood tables, wood chairs
would you?
note to self, water is wet, regardless of altitude
the serenity was most serene
try ripping your hands off
dunking your legs in gelid waters
risking stupid neck on slippery substance
what did Blugh say?
"and isn't the view so lovely"
or was it Angala the cubscout cheerleader
there was nothing prim about this rose cheeked lover
there was very little shouting
except during feature length presentation of commercials
tripe with extra lard thanks
a distinct lack of loony righties conspiring
meaty delights, salad days, and individual portions provided by you know who
sax in the bedroom was bad
whitney was whiffy
Jesus was just irrelevant
and how about trestle?
ever feel that trestle is what's missing in your marriage?
"if only we could have trestle on a regular basis"
Ted provides all the trestle you could ever need
if you are a worry wort, and fear the rise of the right
come on down to Ted Nugent
did you feel it?
could you smell it?
something was moving under the surface
something desirous of affection
it stirs, stirs again and then leaves you wondering about your immagination
shouldn't have mainlined that smack !
Love is never in the air
that's just loves residue
and unless you are inundated with peaches
you know it's gonna hurt
it will take the sustenance right out of your hand
make you question your core needs
kick you right where you expect it least
drool lascivously on your leg
beseeching, imploring... love me, love me...
it's all one way traffic down Ted Terrace
there is Ted Nugent.
previously known principally for his riffs and his rants
now it has been observed to be a place of peace and tranquility
have you heard about maria? she hated the ratrace...
the trees that haven't been cut down for their own good
are thick on the ground
except they stand tall
there is the splish splash, crick, crock GALUOOMPSHSHHS
of the waterfallen
there are rocks, boulders and ents
there are sticks
oh, how many sticks
all shapes and sizes
some mysteriously unnatural forms
still, they all taste the sameish
there are 2 pubs
2 pool tables
and the saw blade of damocles is everywhere you tread
D O N ' T L O O K U P
so keep still, keep your eyes peeled, roll up your trouser legs
wood fires, wood huts, wood tables, wood chairs
would you?
note to self, water is wet, regardless of altitude
the serenity was most serene
try ripping your hands off
dunking your legs in gelid waters
risking stupid neck on slippery substance
what did Blugh say?
"and isn't the view so lovely"
or was it Angala the cubscout cheerleader
there was nothing prim about this rose cheeked lover
there was very little shouting
except during feature length presentation of commercials
tripe with extra lard thanks
a distinct lack of loony righties conspiring
meaty delights, salad days, and individual portions provided by you know who
sax in the bedroom was bad
whitney was whiffy
Jesus was just irrelevant
and how about trestle?
ever feel that trestle is what's missing in your marriage?
"if only we could have trestle on a regular basis"
Ted provides all the trestle you could ever need
if you are a worry wort, and fear the rise of the right
come on down to Ted Nugent
did you feel it?
could you smell it?
something was moving under the surface
something desirous of affection
it stirs, stirs again and then leaves you wondering about your immagination
shouldn't have mainlined that smack !
Love is never in the air
that's just loves residue
and unless you are inundated with peaches
you know it's gonna hurt
it will take the sustenance right out of your hand
make you question your core needs
kick you right where you expect it least
drool lascivously on your leg
beseeching, imploring... love me, love me...
it's all one way traffic down Ted Terrace
Friday, August 18, 2006
my lunch is bigger than your lunch
today some bloke drove a truck off a bridge
some other bloke shot dozens of people with a variety of guns
another type beat more than 30 people to death with a baseball bat
there were about 15 shoot-outs with the police
every one ending the same way
the taxi service was thrown into disarray
ambulances ran down bystanders
then backed over then to make sure they were squashed
a remote controlled car exploded several times
a prostitute kept asking when she was going to be 'drilled'
one guy drowned again and again
the magic fixit shoppe disappeared off the face
around 50 police cars were written off
still beating hearts were found levitating in curious places
but not so curious as police badges
the hospital staff proved handy at fisticuffs
the asian triad gunpower was overwhelming
bloody footsteps marred footpaths/sidewalks/pavements
Luigi had a quiet one
Misty never saw the hymen coming
a suicide bomber blew himself and a police car sky high
secret alleways proved to be the key
a bus full of seats flipped its wig
the docks proved full of life
from ducks til yorn
the streets were full of mincing nancies
strutting hoods with bats
ladies of ill repute
homeboys that wore their dickheadistry like a broach
the radio blared
all kinds of crap
from whinging lowbrow tosspots
to testicle grabbing thuds
a big bad car with flames on went fast
into a wall
a series of old ladies in tracksuits ducked for cover
gangsters packing peat were quick to settle scores
the folks down at the hospital were quite understanding
as long as you had the cash
market forces and all that jazz
I'm off to pack my bags
this much excitement could give one a fit
some other bloke shot dozens of people with a variety of guns
another type beat more than 30 people to death with a baseball bat
there were about 15 shoot-outs with the police
every one ending the same way
the taxi service was thrown into disarray
ambulances ran down bystanders
then backed over then to make sure they were squashed
a remote controlled car exploded several times
a prostitute kept asking when she was going to be 'drilled'
one guy drowned again and again
the magic fixit shoppe disappeared off the face
around 50 police cars were written off
still beating hearts were found levitating in curious places
but not so curious as police badges
the hospital staff proved handy at fisticuffs
the asian triad gunpower was overwhelming
bloody footsteps marred footpaths/sidewalks/pavements
Luigi had a quiet one
Misty never saw the hymen coming
a suicide bomber blew himself and a police car sky high
secret alleways proved to be the key
a bus full of seats flipped its wig
the docks proved full of life
from ducks til yorn
the streets were full of mincing nancies
strutting hoods with bats
ladies of ill repute
homeboys that wore their dickheadistry like a broach
the radio blared
all kinds of crap
from whinging lowbrow tosspots
to testicle grabbing thuds
a big bad car with flames on went fast
into a wall
a series of old ladies in tracksuits ducked for cover
gangsters packing peat were quick to settle scores
the folks down at the hospital were quite understanding
as long as you had the cash
market forces and all that jazz
I'm off to pack my bags
this much excitement could give one a fit
not burt reynolds
it wasn't burt reynolds
they weren't his ties
it wasn't his grooved bouffant
it wasn't his way with the ladies
it wasn't his good cop routine
His sartore never cut so fine a figure
the trousers weren't his
the moustache could have past for his
in a stormy night
but
it wasn't his moustache
it wasn't his perma-tan
it was a bit to crinkly for burt
it wasn't him not getting off with hot bird
as if he would do that
it wasn't him liaising
not by a long stretch
that dicky eye was never his
those logic benders didn't have his odour
and that earnesttness didn't call his name
he was a passable shadow
but only an umbrella of his former self
James Mason couldn't quite cut it
burt wouldnt live in a box
as for sabotage
burt might be up for that
they weren't his ties
it wasn't his grooved bouffant
it wasn't his way with the ladies
it wasn't his good cop routine
His sartore never cut so fine a figure
the trousers weren't his
the moustache could have past for his
in a stormy night
but
it wasn't his moustache
it wasn't his perma-tan
it was a bit to crinkly for burt
it wasn't him not getting off with hot bird
as if he would do that
it wasn't him liaising
not by a long stretch
that dicky eye was never his
those logic benders didn't have his odour
and that earnesttness didn't call his name
he was a passable shadow
but only an umbrella of his former self
James Mason couldn't quite cut it
burt wouldnt live in a box
as for sabotage
burt might be up for that
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Your god is a vengeful god
Barlouvis knew what had been going on
Those dastardly plotters were doing their level best to bring her down.
Trying to dislodge her from the position of most popular monarch of the 12th dynasty
The frustrating thing was there was little she could do
As the titular Queen and Pharoah she wielded all power
But in practice, very little
The real influence lay with the religious leaders
She had extended herself as best she could
Depicting herself with a beard no less
To show was the equal of a male leader
She had used the stick and ignored the carrot
when dealing with the troublesome neighbours
Why, had she not been lauded after the rout of the hittites?
The assyrians were formidable
but they had suffered heavy losses and ceded much territory
before her royal armed machine...
But still they intrigued and projected themselves beyond her
Sometimes she wondered if she really was the mistress of all she purveyed
It was hard to shake the feeling that the slaves felt themselves equal
They never grew up in a sacred temple
They never had servants at to service their every whim
She yearned to remove the Nordic vizier that dogged her steps
Yes, it is obedient now, but for how long?
there was a glint of madness in those dark, dark eyes
The religious leaders and interpreters of the gods had always held power
But this was a little close to the bone
Any attempt to subtract power would be bound to fail
And could force their hand
She had seen how interlopers had been mauled when they made their play...
The other members of the royal family were placid enough
As long as she humoured them with affection and companionship
They would serve their function
she wondered if they too had worldly aspirations...
And, as they were yet to learn they would lie with her in her mighty tomb
The tomb that would cast a shadow over the lesser steppes, pyramids and temples
Ramses the 4th was a fool, she thought
Sandstone was for lightweights
Through the eye of the rope of life,
50 cubits high, the astronomers had plotted her path to the afterlife
where she would bathe forever in asses milk
eat at the table of the gods
And lounge, doze and be adored as her position merited
It was enough to make her wonder if perhaps time had been wasting
Perhaps there was a short cut to the afterlife?
Those dastardly plotters were doing their level best to bring her down.
Trying to dislodge her from the position of most popular monarch of the 12th dynasty
The frustrating thing was there was little she could do
As the titular Queen and Pharoah she wielded all power
But in practice, very little
The real influence lay with the religious leaders
She had extended herself as best she could
Depicting herself with a beard no less
To show was the equal of a male leader
She had used the stick and ignored the carrot
when dealing with the troublesome neighbours
Why, had she not been lauded after the rout of the hittites?
The assyrians were formidable
but they had suffered heavy losses and ceded much territory
before her royal armed machine...
But still they intrigued and projected themselves beyond her
Sometimes she wondered if she really was the mistress of all she purveyed
It was hard to shake the feeling that the slaves felt themselves equal
They never grew up in a sacred temple
They never had servants at to service their every whim
She yearned to remove the Nordic vizier that dogged her steps
Yes, it is obedient now, but for how long?
there was a glint of madness in those dark, dark eyes
The religious leaders and interpreters of the gods had always held power
But this was a little close to the bone
Any attempt to subtract power would be bound to fail
And could force their hand
She had seen how interlopers had been mauled when they made their play...
The other members of the royal family were placid enough
As long as she humoured them with affection and companionship
They would serve their function
she wondered if they too had worldly aspirations...
And, as they were yet to learn they would lie with her in her mighty tomb
The tomb that would cast a shadow over the lesser steppes, pyramids and temples
Ramses the 4th was a fool, she thought
Sandstone was for lightweights
Through the eye of the rope of life,
50 cubits high, the astronomers had plotted her path to the afterlife
where she would bathe forever in asses milk
eat at the table of the gods
And lounge, doze and be adored as her position merited
It was enough to make her wonder if perhaps time had been wasting
Perhaps there was a short cut to the afterlife?
Monday, August 14, 2006
do you feel at a loss?
The annual Festival of the Kerryn has just left town.
There were pretty dancing girls
Colourful hats
smoke filled noisy venues
tribute bands
trite conversations
police 'minding' the doorways
to keep out the undesirables
A swinging thing
Sore lower back muscles
Plenty of shouting
Giggling for all
Some monster raving lunacy
It's your gene pool, swim in it!
The pack animals are looking bedraggled
Carting, packing, freaking and preparing
We all paid tribute to the gods
That provided such bounty
The statue was dressed in its fineries
or its fripperies
the street parade
or carnival if you are there
went on like an endless sea
I suspect some tributes were given more than once
The ritual sacrifices at teh altar were made
pigs blood ruined a dress or two
All that remains now is to mop down the marquee
pay off the prostitutes
and burn any incriminating evidence
now to freeze 'til you burn
There were pretty dancing girls
Colourful hats
smoke filled noisy venues
tribute bands
trite conversations
police 'minding' the doorways
to keep out the undesirables
A swinging thing
Sore lower back muscles
Plenty of shouting
Giggling for all
Some monster raving lunacy
It's your gene pool, swim in it!
The pack animals are looking bedraggled
Carting, packing, freaking and preparing
We all paid tribute to the gods
That provided such bounty
The statue was dressed in its fineries
or its fripperies
the street parade
or carnival if you are there
went on like an endless sea
I suspect some tributes were given more than once
The ritual sacrifices at teh altar were made
pigs blood ruined a dress or two
All that remains now is to mop down the marquee
pay off the prostitutes
and burn any incriminating evidence
now to freeze 'til you burn
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
I think i've got lazyitis...
Football Man takes on massive job at Big Club
The Guardian
Harry Pearson
Friday August 11, 2006
There were excited scenes this week when the predictions of the PR wing of the Big Club were proved correct and A Football Man was unveiled as the Big Club's new manager. A Football Man succeeds A Man the Fans Could Never Really Relate To who left the club 10 days ago by mutual sacking. Speaking for the first time from his freshly designated parking place, A Football Man, whose appointment has been an open secret with local bookmakers ever since his name appeared in the frame after he threw his hat into the ring following a six-month sabbatical to pursue unemployment and other opportunities outside the game, said he was delighted with his new role. "Everyone knows that the Big Club is a genuine football club," he said. "The whole place lives, breathes and sweats football. It's 110% wall-to-wall solid football through and through from the carpet tiles to the tea lady's hair and the heavens beyond, and you can't beat that in mine or anyone else's book."Make no mistake, the job here is massive but that is what attracted me to the salary. The players' heads are down, their tails are between their legs and the crowd is on their backs. I don't make promises but one thing I will promise is that I will bring back effort, pride, character and card schools to this club."We are in the trenches. It is a time for the players to roll their sleeves up, dig deep and say, 'Just deal the cards, fat man' in a Clint Eastwood voice. That way, even if they fail, they can at least look themselves square in the mirror and say they gave it the best shot with the hand they were dealt, because if they don't they will kick themselves for the rest of their lives and they'll deserve to."It's a pressure-cooker situation. But I love a pressure cooker. I love a battle. I love a Chinese-style steamer pan. I love being up the creek in a hole with my back to the wall and a corner to turn and a mountain to climb. People who know me will tell you that I relish a challenge.""He relishes a challenge," A Man Who Knows Him said. Asked what he thought The Man He Knows would bring to the challenge he relishes, A Man Who Knows Him added: "Football Man is a great motivator. He knows when to put his arm round your shoulder and when to kick your backside and when to put his arm round your backside and kick your shoulder and sometimes both at once, if he deems it necessary so to do.""I don't suffer fools gladly, and that applies to myself as much as anybody," Football Man continued, "but I come in with no preconceived ideas - except about bringing back hanging to protect Britain's kiddies, obviously. All the players will start with a clean sheet but if they blot their copybook I will mark their card and they will be on their bikes showing me a clean pair of heels before their feet touch the ground".This was believed to be a veiled reference to Want-away Striker, who earlier in the week issued a come-and-get-me plea in an attempt to end his English nightmare.However, last night Want-away Striker moved to distance himself from himself, saying: "You shouldn't believe everything I say in the newspapers. Most of it is just paper talk and the rest is an old story I rehashed from mistranslated quotes that I made up a long time ago. What is happening Signor Capello? Did you lose my mobile number? No, I never said that."Supporters of the Big Club had never warmed to A Man The Fans Could Never Really Relate To, but they were ecstatic about the appointment of Football Man. One excited season-ticket holder, who had once met a reporter at a party and given him his telephone number in case he ever wanted any plumbing done, said: "Although he has never actually won anything Football Man is a 24-carat winner. He will put a spring back in the face of this football club and smiles in a few bellies. Ever since he walked through the door there has been a buzz about the place, which is probably because he brought his beehives with him."A widely respected former player, who now works for local radio in between pubs, concurred: "Except when it is all about results, the game is all about confidence. Football Man will get the dressing room behind him and he will get the dressing room bubbling again. And everyone in football knows that if you have a bubbling dressing room behind you and pulling in the same direction when it comes to turning things around, then that is half the battle. But half a battle does not win a war and Football Man will know that better than anyone, even me probably."In all the elation surrounding Football Man's appointment one voice sounded a note of caution, however. An Embittered Ex-pro commented: "I wish him well, but nothing is as good as it was in my day and there are far too many foreigners. Did I tell you about that time Nozzer, Snozzer and me got in the bath with Miss Felixstowe Maplin's 1972?
The Guardian
Harry Pearson
Friday August 11, 2006
There were excited scenes this week when the predictions of the PR wing of the Big Club were proved correct and A Football Man was unveiled as the Big Club's new manager. A Football Man succeeds A Man the Fans Could Never Really Relate To who left the club 10 days ago by mutual sacking. Speaking for the first time from his freshly designated parking place, A Football Man, whose appointment has been an open secret with local bookmakers ever since his name appeared in the frame after he threw his hat into the ring following a six-month sabbatical to pursue unemployment and other opportunities outside the game, said he was delighted with his new role. "Everyone knows that the Big Club is a genuine football club," he said. "The whole place lives, breathes and sweats football. It's 110% wall-to-wall solid football through and through from the carpet tiles to the tea lady's hair and the heavens beyond, and you can't beat that in mine or anyone else's book."Make no mistake, the job here is massive but that is what attracted me to the salary. The players' heads are down, their tails are between their legs and the crowd is on their backs. I don't make promises but one thing I will promise is that I will bring back effort, pride, character and card schools to this club."We are in the trenches. It is a time for the players to roll their sleeves up, dig deep and say, 'Just deal the cards, fat man' in a Clint Eastwood voice. That way, even if they fail, they can at least look themselves square in the mirror and say they gave it the best shot with the hand they were dealt, because if they don't they will kick themselves for the rest of their lives and they'll deserve to."It's a pressure-cooker situation. But I love a pressure cooker. I love a battle. I love a Chinese-style steamer pan. I love being up the creek in a hole with my back to the wall and a corner to turn and a mountain to climb. People who know me will tell you that I relish a challenge.""He relishes a challenge," A Man Who Knows Him said. Asked what he thought The Man He Knows would bring to the challenge he relishes, A Man Who Knows Him added: "Football Man is a great motivator. He knows when to put his arm round your shoulder and when to kick your backside and when to put his arm round your backside and kick your shoulder and sometimes both at once, if he deems it necessary so to do.""I don't suffer fools gladly, and that applies to myself as much as anybody," Football Man continued, "but I come in with no preconceived ideas - except about bringing back hanging to protect Britain's kiddies, obviously. All the players will start with a clean sheet but if they blot their copybook I will mark their card and they will be on their bikes showing me a clean pair of heels before their feet touch the ground".This was believed to be a veiled reference to Want-away Striker, who earlier in the week issued a come-and-get-me plea in an attempt to end his English nightmare.However, last night Want-away Striker moved to distance himself from himself, saying: "You shouldn't believe everything I say in the newspapers. Most of it is just paper talk and the rest is an old story I rehashed from mistranslated quotes that I made up a long time ago. What is happening Signor Capello? Did you lose my mobile number? No, I never said that."Supporters of the Big Club had never warmed to A Man The Fans Could Never Really Relate To, but they were ecstatic about the appointment of Football Man. One excited season-ticket holder, who had once met a reporter at a party and given him his telephone number in case he ever wanted any plumbing done, said: "Although he has never actually won anything Football Man is a 24-carat winner. He will put a spring back in the face of this football club and smiles in a few bellies. Ever since he walked through the door there has been a buzz about the place, which is probably because he brought his beehives with him."A widely respected former player, who now works for local radio in between pubs, concurred: "Except when it is all about results, the game is all about confidence. Football Man will get the dressing room behind him and he will get the dressing room bubbling again. And everyone in football knows that if you have a bubbling dressing room behind you and pulling in the same direction when it comes to turning things around, then that is half the battle. But half a battle does not win a war and Football Man will know that better than anyone, even me probably."In all the elation surrounding Football Man's appointment one voice sounded a note of caution, however. An Embittered Ex-pro commented: "I wish him well, but nothing is as good as it was in my day and there are far too many foreigners. Did I tell you about that time Nozzer, Snozzer and me got in the bath with Miss Felixstowe Maplin's 1972?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
The graveyard shift
what is it now ?
A spooky piece of underwear?
A surveillance of the dead
A trained assassin that you have read about?
A late night session on the grid?
An undertaker-uhaul service?
The lightest of tremors caused by plates?
A ghoulishly tenebrous time slot?
The crazy excesses of the boys?
A hotbed of iniquity?
That sinking feeling?
That wasn't the earth moving?
Something that will elude you in this lifetime?
A yawning orifice to be filled with cloth?
Where the fight is over?
A place for 'special' friends?
Satan's representative on the crust?
A symbol of a bygone era?
More peach crumble than could have been hoped for?
A failure by anyones admission?
A looming menace?
Not a big deal really?
A spooky piece of underwear?
A surveillance of the dead
A trained assassin that you have read about?
A late night session on the grid?
An undertaker-uhaul service?
The lightest of tremors caused by plates?
A ghoulishly tenebrous time slot?
The crazy excesses of the boys?
A hotbed of iniquity?
That sinking feeling?
That wasn't the earth moving?
Something that will elude you in this lifetime?
A yawning orifice to be filled with cloth?
Where the fight is over?
A place for 'special' friends?
Satan's representative on the crust?
A symbol of a bygone era?
More peach crumble than could have been hoped for?
A failure by anyones admission?
A looming menace?
Not a big deal really?
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
5 mins 38 secs
Things you can do in 5,38
Brush your teeth
commit small scale arson
smoke a spliff
swear a big-arsed rainbow
procrastinate
ride a roller coaster
watch the weather on TV
read a page or two of a book
bang out an email
make a big decision
admire a view
kick a statue
fall through a frozen river surface
be a snob
tell the same joke twice
fix your hair
yearn
listen to a quality song
smash up the place when you hear a crap song
do a few laps in a race car
read a blog
change a nappy
phone a friend
question the meaning of it all
drop dead
be inspired
be appalled
hide in a cupboard
swim a few lengths
forget your best intentions
press a lot of buttons
feel the love
feel the hate
be taken down a peg
butter your toast
count your chickens
look for a key
jump in a pool
defecate on the herald-scum
burn to death
ponder what ifs...?
cast a stone
defile a script
dig a hole
crush a sentient being
finish this post
Brush your teeth
commit small scale arson
smoke a spliff
swear a big-arsed rainbow
procrastinate
ride a roller coaster
watch the weather on TV
read a page or two of a book
bang out an email
make a big decision
admire a view
kick a statue
fall through a frozen river surface
be a snob
tell the same joke twice
fix your hair
yearn
listen to a quality song
smash up the place when you hear a crap song
do a few laps in a race car
read a blog
change a nappy
phone a friend
question the meaning of it all
drop dead
be inspired
be appalled
hide in a cupboard
swim a few lengths
forget your best intentions
press a lot of buttons
feel the love
feel the hate
be taken down a peg
butter your toast
count your chickens
look for a key
jump in a pool
defecate on the herald-scum
burn to death
ponder what ifs...?
cast a stone
defile a script
dig a hole
crush a sentient being
finish this post
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
where's splat?
Boggles and Pleep couldn't find Splat anywhere
He hadn't shown for dinner
which was most unusual for him
This was the first time Splat had missed dinner
since the mysterious goings-on with the spatula in the catacombs
'Botherations' thought Boggles
'Good heavens, I hope he hasn't got into another hair-raising scrape' thought Pleep
After closing hour Boggles and Pleep liked to have a cheeky sherry
sitting in front of the roaring log fire
each nursing a glass
and pondering where he could be...
Was he in the larder?
No.
Was he behind the ice box?
No.
Was he in the tool shed?
No.
Was he under the billiard table?
No.
Was he in the toy chest?
No.
Was he in the microwave oven?
No.
Was he in the tub, hiding behind the bubbles?
No.
Was he lost in reverie staring at the stars?
No.
Had he run off with a dozen lunch boxes?
No, all present and accounted for.
Had he run off with some outrageous cult?
Don't think so...
Wherever could he be?
'Arsed if i can be bothered with his crap anymore' said Boggles
'It's probably just another one of his 'cries for help'...
'Sod this' said Pleep
'if he doesn't show up soon,
'He will forgo his share of charlie'
Charlie was secretly relieved.
He hadn't shown for dinner
which was most unusual for him
This was the first time Splat had missed dinner
since the mysterious goings-on with the spatula in the catacombs
'Botherations' thought Boggles
'Good heavens, I hope he hasn't got into another hair-raising scrape' thought Pleep
After closing hour Boggles and Pleep liked to have a cheeky sherry
sitting in front of the roaring log fire
each nursing a glass
and pondering where he could be...
Was he in the larder?
No.
Was he behind the ice box?
No.
Was he in the tool shed?
No.
Was he under the billiard table?
No.
Was he in the toy chest?
No.
Was he in the microwave oven?
No.
Was he in the tub, hiding behind the bubbles?
No.
Was he lost in reverie staring at the stars?
No.
Had he run off with a dozen lunch boxes?
No, all present and accounted for.
Had he run off with some outrageous cult?
Don't think so...
Wherever could he be?
'Arsed if i can be bothered with his crap anymore' said Boggles
'It's probably just another one of his 'cries for help'...
'Sod this' said Pleep
'if he doesn't show up soon,
'He will forgo his share of charlie'
Charlie was secretly relieved.
Monday, August 07, 2006
three kisses
Shorty began his walk in the city centre
He strolled down avenues
sashayed throught parks
jived along boulevards
snaked around corsi
strided adam antly up steps
trotted by the quay
promenaded along the pier
before legging it over the hill towards the setting sun.
He didn't know why he was walking
just that he needed to get away
Twas hard to think straight with all that excitement about
Things hadn't been going well at the farm of love
the output was on the slide
the psychos had locked up the normal people
and were running the place
Shorty just needed to clear his heads
There might be a service station up ahead
You never know what might pop up
Living in one city his entire life hadn't meant he knew it well
He was surprised to discover the farm of joy
and the farm of rollicking good times
were treading on each others toes
and tripping each other up
in the search to oust the farm of love from its primary position
One might think the position unassailable
But Shorty no longer saw it that way
what if the monthly fees could not be met?
how would they feed the animals
how would they keep morale up
who would hunt the back streets on recruiting jamborees
and most of all, who would creep about in the dark
meeting shady characters who had the goode stuff
you can blind them with logic
deafen them with pixels
but you can't stone them with canapes.
Shorty was proud of his modest accomplishments
when he was first taken on as a farm hand
the farm of love was in biggggg trouble
pension payments not being made
the goats may bite your clothes sign was fading
the sun was shining, but no hay was being made
and plenty was being eaten.
but his stiff upper lip and moral rectitude closed the bolthole
Now as he wandered the streets he thought of the salad daze
all that dressing down
and not much to show for it.
It was mutate or die
the competition were hard on the case
they had shipped in some beasts from the north
but they knew nothing of his secret weapon
Oppenheimer paled in significance
It wasn't just a publicity stunt
No, things were about to get big down on the farm...
He strolled down avenues
sashayed throught parks
jived along boulevards
snaked around corsi
strided adam antly up steps
trotted by the quay
promenaded along the pier
before legging it over the hill towards the setting sun.
He didn't know why he was walking
just that he needed to get away
Twas hard to think straight with all that excitement about
Things hadn't been going well at the farm of love
the output was on the slide
the psychos had locked up the normal people
and were running the place
Shorty just needed to clear his heads
There might be a service station up ahead
You never know what might pop up
Living in one city his entire life hadn't meant he knew it well
He was surprised to discover the farm of joy
and the farm of rollicking good times
were treading on each others toes
and tripping each other up
in the search to oust the farm of love from its primary position
One might think the position unassailable
But Shorty no longer saw it that way
what if the monthly fees could not be met?
how would they feed the animals
how would they keep morale up
who would hunt the back streets on recruiting jamborees
and most of all, who would creep about in the dark
meeting shady characters who had the goode stuff
you can blind them with logic
deafen them with pixels
but you can't stone them with canapes.
Shorty was proud of his modest accomplishments
when he was first taken on as a farm hand
the farm of love was in biggggg trouble
pension payments not being made
the goats may bite your clothes sign was fading
the sun was shining, but no hay was being made
and plenty was being eaten.
but his stiff upper lip and moral rectitude closed the bolthole
Now as he wandered the streets he thought of the salad daze
all that dressing down
and not much to show for it.
It was mutate or die
the competition were hard on the case
they had shipped in some beasts from the north
but they knew nothing of his secret weapon
Oppenheimer paled in significance
It wasn't just a publicity stunt
No, things were about to get big down on the farm...
Sunday, August 06, 2006
good news everyone...
www.guardian.co.uk/uk_news/story/0,,1835785,00.html
www.chaser.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2000&Itemid=26
www.beppesevergnini.com/articles.htm
www.chaser.com.au/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=2000&Itemid=26
www.beppesevergnini.com/articles.htm
Saturday, August 05, 2006
better living through television
In terriblly fab news today there has been a massive 812 car pile up on the M98 Motorway outside the sleepy hamlet of Bastardo Centrale.
Apparently the pile-up was caused by people driving like complete tossers.
The 112 Lane dual carriageway was the scene of carnage not seen since the Israelis last attack on foreign soil, 2 minutes ago
The cause of the incident appears to have been a 'drag' race
Wiped out in one mega 4 wheel drive were all members of Creed
who had apparently been racing against members of 'Live'
In the shite-off 400 race
Unfortunately for Creed, at the moment of their instantaneous deaths
they discovered they had been following the wrong Gods and were re-incarnated as bacteria in a horses arse.
'Live' lead singer, Twat with a stupid pony tail, will be mourned by absolutely no-one
and the rest of the band, well nobody gives a shit.
Caught up the destruction was a mini bus full of politicians past and present,
Silvio Berluschifo, former prime minister of Italy and total lying arseface had his new head torn off and is demanding a recount from the deepest recesses of hell
the Ayatollah Big Bad Beard Scary Bunghole of Persia's remains were helicoptered to a sacred site where a randy goat humped them the amusement of all around
John Howard, apparent prime minister of Australia also perished
ironically, seeking to inch has slimy worm carcass away from the wreckage of his car he was mown down by bystanders with a whipper snipper
causing small merriment on the Isle
After minimal reflection the general consensus of Australians was
what a horrid little prick, it's a pity he didn't die more slowly,
who are you talking about anyway, what's on telly?
General Pinochet of Chile, along with other perpetrators of war crimes
George Bush, Tony Blair, Ariel Sharon, Adam Sandler, anybody who has ever been on Italian television, the catholic church, Alannis Morrisette and the inventors of reality TV were given a short cut to eternal suffering when their limousines slammed into a large ball of spikes,
nobody is owning up to putting it there...
Fortunately for the world at large, Coldplay were also killed, but in the lamest way possible
anally ingesting their vegan airbags whilst screeching like the smallest of girls.
A retrospective of their career has already been announced by their record label,
entitled 'nobody gave a flying fuck'
On hearing of the death of crap husband Peter Andre,
Page 3 superstar Jordan looked up from whoevers penis she was sucking and looked blank
It is understood that Paris Hilton was nowhere near the site of the tragedy
but died anyway, which is good.
Anybody who has ever owned a team in Serie A drowned in a pit of their own smugness
after their Stronzomobiles overturned in the rush to cash in on the stock market
Complete prat Ian Paisley was said to have died choking on his own bile
An enormous petrol guzzling conference centre carrying members of the axis of evil ploughed head-on into Britney Spears smearing her along the road
killing all members of the Republican party US, the Tories UK, Liberal Prick parties slowly, deliciously and joyously
Right wing columnists and shock jocks the world over have been called to a special meeting of The Secret Brothers of Stupidity meeting,
which will be chaired by Rupert Murdoch in a 6 km deep open cut quarry lined with explosives and slathered with the Flesh Eating disease
no survivors are expected
Unfortunately for the worlds established cults,
Reason, logic and science survived the accident unscathed
and their primitive hold on humankind was weakened once more
On the sports front it was thought that the Italian national football team had been on that fateful stretch of road but it was discovered that they were feigning travel and were fine with their hair in tip top condition.
Ironically Michael Schumacher and the rest of the Ferarri F1 organization were caught cheating (death)
and will be excluded from any further pile ups this term
annoying cloying 'soul' singers
and 'urban' music proponents had nothing to do with the incident
but shall be hunted down and killed forthwith
and now, over the Keith with the weather...
Apparently the pile-up was caused by people driving like complete tossers.
The 112 Lane dual carriageway was the scene of carnage not seen since the Israelis last attack on foreign soil, 2 minutes ago
The cause of the incident appears to have been a 'drag' race
Wiped out in one mega 4 wheel drive were all members of Creed
who had apparently been racing against members of 'Live'
In the shite-off 400 race
Unfortunately for Creed, at the moment of their instantaneous deaths
they discovered they had been following the wrong Gods and were re-incarnated as bacteria in a horses arse.
'Live' lead singer, Twat with a stupid pony tail, will be mourned by absolutely no-one
and the rest of the band, well nobody gives a shit.
Caught up the destruction was a mini bus full of politicians past and present,
Silvio Berluschifo, former prime minister of Italy and total lying arseface had his new head torn off and is demanding a recount from the deepest recesses of hell
the Ayatollah Big Bad Beard Scary Bunghole of Persia's remains were helicoptered to a sacred site where a randy goat humped them the amusement of all around
John Howard, apparent prime minister of Australia also perished
ironically, seeking to inch has slimy worm carcass away from the wreckage of his car he was mown down by bystanders with a whipper snipper
causing small merriment on the Isle
After minimal reflection the general consensus of Australians was
what a horrid little prick, it's a pity he didn't die more slowly,
who are you talking about anyway, what's on telly?
General Pinochet of Chile, along with other perpetrators of war crimes
George Bush, Tony Blair, Ariel Sharon, Adam Sandler, anybody who has ever been on Italian television, the catholic church, Alannis Morrisette and the inventors of reality TV were given a short cut to eternal suffering when their limousines slammed into a large ball of spikes,
nobody is owning up to putting it there...
Fortunately for the world at large, Coldplay were also killed, but in the lamest way possible
anally ingesting their vegan airbags whilst screeching like the smallest of girls.
A retrospective of their career has already been announced by their record label,
entitled 'nobody gave a flying fuck'
On hearing of the death of crap husband Peter Andre,
Page 3 superstar Jordan looked up from whoevers penis she was sucking and looked blank
It is understood that Paris Hilton was nowhere near the site of the tragedy
but died anyway, which is good.
Anybody who has ever owned a team in Serie A drowned in a pit of their own smugness
after their Stronzomobiles overturned in the rush to cash in on the stock market
Complete prat Ian Paisley was said to have died choking on his own bile
An enormous petrol guzzling conference centre carrying members of the axis of evil ploughed head-on into Britney Spears smearing her along the road
killing all members of the Republican party US, the Tories UK, Liberal Prick parties slowly, deliciously and joyously
Right wing columnists and shock jocks the world over have been called to a special meeting of The Secret Brothers of Stupidity meeting,
which will be chaired by Rupert Murdoch in a 6 km deep open cut quarry lined with explosives and slathered with the Flesh Eating disease
no survivors are expected
Unfortunately for the worlds established cults,
Reason, logic and science survived the accident unscathed
and their primitive hold on humankind was weakened once more
On the sports front it was thought that the Italian national football team had been on that fateful stretch of road but it was discovered that they were feigning travel and were fine with their hair in tip top condition.
Ironically Michael Schumacher and the rest of the Ferarri F1 organization were caught cheating (death)
and will be excluded from any further pile ups this term
annoying cloying 'soul' singers
and 'urban' music proponents had nothing to do with the incident
but shall be hunted down and killed forthwith
and now, over the Keith with the weather...
Friday, August 04, 2006
Let them eat roast bread!
Basil Briefly banged his gavel and demanded order
Pivot threw herself across the benches
at least verbally
Spartacus drew himself up for the expected challenge
There were murmurs from Franz and Pecky
this kind of behaviour was becoming commonplace
but never in such a common place
Feathers were being ruffled and straw hats undoffed
It seemed years ago that Squilibrato United had won the cup
and the old boys club had paraded Nige around on their creaking shoulders
It seemed finally everyone could learn to get along
despite their glaring differences
eyes, mostly
The Dentro coalition was a very loose alliance at best
But aren't your enemies enemies your friends?
Binky the Bastard was surely the most hated creature in the land
also, quite possibly the most admired
this was the cradle of contradictions
He had swept all before him in the league elections of '32
by swallowing up the Bastards Out For Themselves party
And taking in the ex-fascists (now called the Liberal party, a crude irony of their founder, Sir Complete Cunt)
and keeping them happy with tidbits and portfolio's of little consequence
but big titles
Like Portfolio of Count Totalandutternobendfartybreathsky
Binky the Bastard found the hardest part to be keeping the religious zealots in line
After centuries of absolute power,
they still felt destined to rule,
after all they had the godS on their side.
He had placated them for the time being,
Auroch Generalissimo Barlsy flexed her muscles occasionally
That would do for now,
keep them on their boots
But Centre Half Goat was a position only Saucepan could really call his own.
Divide, subtract and conquer
Bore them into submission with mathematics
There were now very dark clouds on the horizon for the buoys and galls of Dentro
the third corruption scandal of the month,
Barney couldn't keep his snout out of the trough
You can only buy so much silence with backheels
Then there were the 2 Max's
Max W caught up in another sex scandal
Max C caught up in that carefully placed snare
A box with a doughnut underneath propped up by a stick with some string attached
Dammit, thought Binky the Bastard,
This isn't a Meritocracy.
that's for the fools in the 3rd Division
So it seemed that Squilibrato United had re-grouped
Sold off the overpaid big names
And concentrated on the Policy of Truth
The Great White Hope had come in the form of Lionel
Strange though, he was hardly white,
His dazzling charisma and his striking good looks
had won over the doubters
Sure they had claimed he was all style, no substance
Easy fixed, he dashed to HMQ got the New Order Box Set
He seemingly appeared from nowhere.
One moment he was chasing his tail
Next he threatened to rattle Binky the Bastards cage until the bitter end
Fanny Louise knew her strength wasn't in her head
casting herself has the sleek, sexy, golden girl
Her short shelf-life only left her feeling less inhibited
they were using her,
Just as she was using them
Revenge would be served
Blockhead, the whip come Dentro chairperson
would finish a window licker
and Miso would be soup...
Pivot threw herself across the benches
at least verbally
Spartacus drew himself up for the expected challenge
There were murmurs from Franz and Pecky
this kind of behaviour was becoming commonplace
but never in such a common place
Feathers were being ruffled and straw hats undoffed
It seemed years ago that Squilibrato United had won the cup
and the old boys club had paraded Nige around on their creaking shoulders
It seemed finally everyone could learn to get along
despite their glaring differences
eyes, mostly
The Dentro coalition was a very loose alliance at best
But aren't your enemies enemies your friends?
Binky the Bastard was surely the most hated creature in the land
also, quite possibly the most admired
this was the cradle of contradictions
He had swept all before him in the league elections of '32
by swallowing up the Bastards Out For Themselves party
And taking in the ex-fascists (now called the Liberal party, a crude irony of their founder, Sir Complete Cunt)
and keeping them happy with tidbits and portfolio's of little consequence
but big titles
Like Portfolio of Count Totalandutternobendfartybreathsky
Binky the Bastard found the hardest part to be keeping the religious zealots in line
After centuries of absolute power,
they still felt destined to rule,
after all they had the godS on their side.
He had placated them for the time being,
Auroch Generalissimo Barlsy flexed her muscles occasionally
That would do for now,
keep them on their boots
But Centre Half Goat was a position only Saucepan could really call his own.
Divide, subtract and conquer
Bore them into submission with mathematics
There were now very dark clouds on the horizon for the buoys and galls of Dentro
the third corruption scandal of the month,
Barney couldn't keep his snout out of the trough
You can only buy so much silence with backheels
Then there were the 2 Max's
Max W caught up in another sex scandal
Max C caught up in that carefully placed snare
A box with a doughnut underneath propped up by a stick with some string attached
Dammit, thought Binky the Bastard,
This isn't a Meritocracy.
that's for the fools in the 3rd Division
So it seemed that Squilibrato United had re-grouped
Sold off the overpaid big names
And concentrated on the Policy of Truth
The Great White Hope had come in the form of Lionel
Strange though, he was hardly white,
His dazzling charisma and his striking good looks
had won over the doubters
Sure they had claimed he was all style, no substance
Easy fixed, he dashed to HMQ got the New Order Box Set
He seemingly appeared from nowhere.
One moment he was chasing his tail
Next he threatened to rattle Binky the Bastards cage until the bitter end
Fanny Louise knew her strength wasn't in her head
casting herself has the sleek, sexy, golden girl
Her short shelf-life only left her feeling less inhibited
they were using her,
Just as she was using them
Revenge would be served
Blockhead, the whip come Dentro chairperson
would finish a window licker
and Miso would be soup...
Thursday, August 03, 2006
I've got my binoculars, on top of the pops
St Kilda has an Outer Hebrides quality,
McEspy?
Box Hill is wooded near Bath
Not in the slightest box shaped - a wooded box?
Croydon can't decide if it is in London or Surrey
Nowhere near zone 3
I once saw Ringwood on the bus to Bournemouth
Ducked my head down quicksmart
Richmond is by the Tharra
Kew is gardens ahoy
all fat doggies 48
Epping is to the north
St Albans too
Maybe Waynetta Rooney winters there
Canterbury is the home of tales and reception centres
In Kilsyth the rrrs are rolled
and Montrose comes out different
Bayswater, a hub of activity!
Elt(-)ham went and spawned Boy George
Foots Cray took me by surprise
Put a Souf Londoner in Footscray and watch them eat
Notting Hill? for fuck's sake
Rhys Ifans pants!
the Vale of Ascot, hoity toit
Blackburn has Rovers,
Never saw roy, only the lights of an ever oncoming train
Cheltenham has horses and hats
more teeth than Gloucester
Menton is glamorously Riviera
Just don't ask for an icecream
Hampton has a maze
and amazingly, a beach
Brighton's is a gay mecca
didn't see that coming Footy fuckers
Don't get off the train at Waverly
the Scots they want your brogue
Kensington High St runs to a palace
of flowered mullets on special days
Tottenham never earned their spurs
the Hawthorns are an easy 3 points
Soft touch of Glenferrie
Preston has no north end
Maidstone, what a Kent
Doncaster would be crap in winter
It's a battle at Hastings if you want to swim the Westernport Channel
Abrohamvich bought Chelsea,
do you think he will get Carrum too?
Slurrey/Slurry what the hills?
Fancy a trip to ole Torquay,
bring your best shell suit
Angelsey in an Irish Sea?
Isle of Cowes
Rhyll by where?
Swansea lurks on the east coast
Abertawe is yet to be uncovered
I once lived in Old South Wales
I moved there from Victoria
some regal old bint
Newcastle don't sound too Geordie to me
Creeping up towards Queens land
Remove imagination
Heidelberg has less beer than I imagined
Public serpents fugu creatures
Never mind the Bungowers...
McEspy?
Box Hill is wooded near Bath
Not in the slightest box shaped - a wooded box?
Croydon can't decide if it is in London or Surrey
Nowhere near zone 3
I once saw Ringwood on the bus to Bournemouth
Ducked my head down quicksmart
Richmond is by the Tharra
Kew is gardens ahoy
all fat doggies 48
Epping is to the north
St Albans too
Maybe Waynetta Rooney winters there
Canterbury is the home of tales and reception centres
In Kilsyth the rrrs are rolled
and Montrose comes out different
Bayswater, a hub of activity!
Elt(-)ham went and spawned Boy George
Foots Cray took me by surprise
Put a Souf Londoner in Footscray and watch them eat
Notting Hill? for fuck's sake
Rhys Ifans pants!
the Vale of Ascot, hoity toit
Blackburn has Rovers,
Never saw roy, only the lights of an ever oncoming train
Cheltenham has horses and hats
more teeth than Gloucester
Menton is glamorously Riviera
Just don't ask for an icecream
Hampton has a maze
and amazingly, a beach
Brighton's is a gay mecca
didn't see that coming Footy fuckers
Don't get off the train at Waverly
the Scots they want your brogue
Kensington High St runs to a palace
of flowered mullets on special days
Tottenham never earned their spurs
the Hawthorns are an easy 3 points
Soft touch of Glenferrie
Preston has no north end
Maidstone, what a Kent
Doncaster would be crap in winter
It's a battle at Hastings if you want to swim the Westernport Channel
Abrohamvich bought Chelsea,
do you think he will get Carrum too?
Slurrey/Slurry what the hills?
Fancy a trip to ole Torquay,
bring your best shell suit
Angelsey in an Irish Sea?
Isle of Cowes
Rhyll by where?
Swansea lurks on the east coast
Abertawe is yet to be uncovered
I once lived in Old South Wales
I moved there from Victoria
some regal old bint
Newcastle don't sound too Geordie to me
Creeping up towards Queens land
Remove imagination
Heidelberg has less beer than I imagined
Public serpents fugu creatures
Never mind the Bungowers...
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Let's all go to the lobby...
Chain Family restaurants
You know the ones
Where people go because they don't know anything about/can't be bothered finding real food
where for a 'reasonable' price you have a vast array of shite food
You can digest along to the supermarket greatest hits.
Celine Dion singing Avril Lavigne
Alannis Morrisette singing Bryan Adams
Michael Bolton singing anything
The best place to start your be-trayed journey of slurry is ...
"Excuse me and welcome to Shitey O' Whiteys....
before you start your feast,
how about a drink
overpriced 'local' beer in plastic?
We have Tooheys Crap/Tooheys Old Crap/ Tooheys Light Crap and Tooheys Extremely Bloody Crap.
AND ridiculously overpriced foreign labels brewed in NSW by Tooheys!
House wine? so called because we use old housing stumps gone a bit rotten
'aged in stump' we like to say
Rancid Red or Watery white
Salads, 13 types almost indistinguishable.
all hideous, dressed with the same product that makes baby seahorses grow in your fish tank!
Italian...they guy stirring the tray is from the middle east, but hey, swarthy is swarthy!
mmmm pizza, in the loosest possible terminology
yummo, pasta overboiled with ketchup on it
Never been to Asia? most likely never will coz its outside the ring road?
Stir fry, with a smelly gloop of filth!
Chicken blackbean/sweet and sour,
in the Jiangsu Sheng district, it is known colloquially as "Sweet and sour" but pronounced with your face all scrunched up...
spring rolls,
traditional and inferior cousin to the Chiko
How about a hamburger,
rest assured the unit had a full and healthy life cycle
in its cage, eating his/her chopped cousins with fertilizer
Need some spice in your life?
Get a curry, 4 different styles; none ever heard of on the sub-continent
Elwood Ebola, Seaford Salmonella, Boronia bird flu and the Essendon E-coli
Poppadoms, stuffed with, well... whatever we can find!
Mexican food, straight from Dandenong
cooked by genuine Mexican speakers with' hats'
another traditional old British roast, a pillow soaked in horse vomit
freshly carved before your eyes
a slice of chick/beef/pork?
You can't tell the difference anyway
they eat the same crap (eachother), live in the same cages, what's the big deal!?
apparently within 3 years, they will all be the same beast!
you can't mess with multi-skilling
What's for dessert?
horrid runny gelatine product
boot polished ice cream
(it's cheaper if you use the goats intestines as well as the anus)
shake and bake a cake covered with sugar,
so you can't taste the sugar
Doughnuts anyone?
sorry, they are called Donuts (copyright pending) now
legally the 'dough' part hard to be removed from the name as it had been from the product
After you have eaten yourself stupid(er)
No need to digest, just follow your instincts
straight to the lavatory
and HAVE A NICE DAY!
You know the ones
Where people go because they don't know anything about/can't be bothered finding real food
where for a 'reasonable' price you have a vast array of shite food
You can digest along to the supermarket greatest hits.
Celine Dion singing Avril Lavigne
Alannis Morrisette singing Bryan Adams
Michael Bolton singing anything
The best place to start your be-trayed journey of slurry is ...
"Excuse me and welcome to Shitey O' Whiteys....
before you start your feast,
how about a drink
overpriced 'local' beer in plastic?
We have Tooheys Crap/Tooheys Old Crap/ Tooheys Light Crap and Tooheys Extremely Bloody Crap.
AND ridiculously overpriced foreign labels brewed in NSW by Tooheys!
House wine? so called because we use old housing stumps gone a bit rotten
'aged in stump' we like to say
Rancid Red or Watery white
Salads, 13 types almost indistinguishable.
all hideous, dressed with the same product that makes baby seahorses grow in your fish tank!
Italian...they guy stirring the tray is from the middle east, but hey, swarthy is swarthy!
mmmm pizza, in the loosest possible terminology
yummo, pasta overboiled with ketchup on it
Never been to Asia? most likely never will coz its outside the ring road?
Stir fry, with a smelly gloop of filth!
Chicken blackbean/sweet and sour,
in the Jiangsu Sheng district, it is known colloquially as "Sweet and sour" but pronounced with your face all scrunched up...
spring rolls,
traditional and inferior cousin to the Chiko
How about a hamburger,
rest assured the unit had a full and healthy life cycle
in its cage, eating his/her chopped cousins with fertilizer
Need some spice in your life?
Get a curry, 4 different styles; none ever heard of on the sub-continent
Elwood Ebola, Seaford Salmonella, Boronia bird flu and the Essendon E-coli
Poppadoms, stuffed with, well... whatever we can find!
Mexican food, straight from Dandenong
cooked by genuine Mexican speakers with' hats'
another traditional old British roast, a pillow soaked in horse vomit
freshly carved before your eyes
a slice of chick/beef/pork?
You can't tell the difference anyway
they eat the same crap (eachother), live in the same cages, what's the big deal!?
apparently within 3 years, they will all be the same beast!
you can't mess with multi-skilling
What's for dessert?
horrid runny gelatine product
boot polished ice cream
(it's cheaper if you use the goats intestines as well as the anus)
shake and bake a cake covered with sugar,
so you can't taste the sugar
Doughnuts anyone?
sorry, they are called Donuts (copyright pending) now
legally the 'dough' part hard to be removed from the name as it had been from the product
After you have eaten yourself stupid(er)
No need to digest, just follow your instincts
straight to the lavatory
and HAVE A NICE DAY!
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
this is not a love blog
No it's not.
It doesn't even faintly resemble a love blog
which is not to be confused with love blobs.
which arent to be confused with bird blobs
or having the blobs.
I once knew a girl called Mimbo
she Dj'd at cafe mambo.
on friday nights she was often out with lovely Lisebo(a)
who was best mates with groovy Jobo
I always admired Albo
and had a tiny crush on Maxbo
then there was Fibo
who was nearly as smart as Suebo
who was engaged to the good Robo
Not to be confused with Vegas Robo
who was the king of all Bo
I got labelled Skipbo
only later to discover it was card game
not forgetting E-bo
or the confounding Julesbo
and the little schnaa friend of Mimbo
who had the shiniest lips you ever did see
darn, darn, darn, what was her name again bo?
it could be hard to keep up with all this bo
so when a name was lost,
you could just default to schnaabo
at times bo was applied too liberally
like baby oil in Bangers
Alfonsebo, Margueritebo, Lesbo, Michelangelbo
But like any social movement/popular uprising/great leap forwards
It became cheapened.
heads were sure to roll.
Some names just didn't roll with it
have you ever heard of beavbo?
Intelligent, independent, sophisticated and thrusting young women
You can't imply this!
Find your own etchasketch!
It doesn't even faintly resemble a love blog
which is not to be confused with love blobs.
which arent to be confused with bird blobs
or having the blobs.
I once knew a girl called Mimbo
she Dj'd at cafe mambo.
on friday nights she was often out with lovely Lisebo(a)
who was best mates with groovy Jobo
I always admired Albo
and had a tiny crush on Maxbo
then there was Fibo
who was nearly as smart as Suebo
who was engaged to the good Robo
Not to be confused with Vegas Robo
who was the king of all Bo
I got labelled Skipbo
only later to discover it was card game
not forgetting E-bo
or the confounding Julesbo
and the little schnaa friend of Mimbo
who had the shiniest lips you ever did see
darn, darn, darn, what was her name again bo?
it could be hard to keep up with all this bo
so when a name was lost,
you could just default to schnaabo
at times bo was applied too liberally
like baby oil in Bangers
Alfonsebo, Margueritebo, Lesbo, Michelangelbo
But like any social movement/popular uprising/great leap forwards
It became cheapened.
heads were sure to roll.
Some names just didn't roll with it
have you ever heard of beavbo?
Intelligent, independent, sophisticated and thrusting young women
You can't imply this!
Find your own etchasketch!
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