if you're listening Ed, give us a call

why Ed Kuepper is great
by Ed Kuepper
and special contributions by Chris Bailey
perhaps...
Ed is great
not just 'great' but really GREAT
now why is ed so great you may ignorantly ask
well, he is great because he is not a mortal
no, ed will live on when all you lot are decomposing underground
greating around like greatness was invented just for his benefit
which it was...
lets put ed in context
not great as in great britain
thats a misnomer that couldnt be applied to ed
i mean
putting england-small rah,scotland-rah and wales-rah rah
into one country about the size of victoria doesnt really cut it as great
at least not in the ed sense of great
alexander the great? shouldve been called alexander the pants
and gay and of ill defined nationality. Ed would have taken india without breaking a sweat and NEVER would have been poisoned by some panty waist when just about to take the arabian peninsula.
boring
ramses the great? get bent
compared to ed, all he did was ponce about with eyeliner on and spent his whole life working on an iconic symbol to ensure his fame thousands of years into the future. Ed could have one of those, but hes too cool.
boring
'great balls of fire', bollocks!
more like piffling nad globules of a bit of smog wafting off them
ed actually invented rock and roll, some black bloke in the 60's was just copying him, typical...
'great expectations' i hear you whimper?
rubbish! compared to eds genius itd be called lame-o vague hopes of mediocrity
ed could write a much better book than charles dickhead about social inequalities in victorian britain if he felt like it, he just didnt, so bog off!
'great barrier reef', ptoooheys!
just a mish mash assortment of dead sealife with no real attraction, if you were to ask ed. Now, if ed were a barrier reef, thatd be something to marvel at and put your goggles on and stick yer bum in the air about. You might even catch a great tune underwater!
'great southern stand', barf and schlarf!
if ed had designed a stand, it wouldnt be just bits of steel and concrete! itd be a whole new defining moment in standage. like when ed invented classical music and got ripped off by beethoven, ravel, bach, the pompino bros et al. lightweights!
'great wall of china', a deficient childs play!
Ed would never have needed to build a big load of old lego bits to keep the mongolian hordes out. He would have enthralled and entranced them with some heavenly tunes from a nearby hill and they would have ended up bringing flowers to him and writing poetry to the local han population.
you almost get the picture, you cant really get it coz you arent as cool as ed. Indeed ed has also; invented punk before those ramones fools or the sux pistols, got skinny, got fat, got a beard, shaved it off.defeated communism with song called, ed is great, no really, he bloody well is and dont try to argue, coz you arent as cool as ed, invented time travel, designed a cure for aids but then burnt it coz he couldnt be bothered with all the pressure man, proved the earth is lemon jelly shaped, abolished child literacy, held the record for the most amount of paddle pops in your mouth, implemented an atheist caliphate over previously backward arab and asian countries, got off with george bush snr behind the bike sheds, discovered alien life forms and then made a hat out of them, AND really shown chris bailey by not letting him say anything on this blog, hah!