Sports and leshure activities

Tennis; Bungholes in shorts hit a small ball at eachother,vaguely entertaining if one can be bothered concentrating and if opponents are equally matched. 3/10
AFL; Bungholes in small shorts kick etc a funny shaped ball at eachother; fast, furious but a bit funny looking.5/10
Petanque/Bocce/Boules; Pretty groovy game of throwing/rolling shiny balls at another ball on gravel. Don't ask Erik to differentiate if you don't want to hear the word cazzo.7/10
Lawn Bowls; Rubbish old persons game involves rolling spheres fare away and then changing your nappy. Petanque/Bocce/Boules without the good bits.1/10
Handball; who bloody knows? something about a hand and ball, maybe a bit like squash, maybe not. apparently big in some country called europe. 2/10
Rugby Union; fat blokes crunch into eachother while other blokes fanny about. Really quite dire except if you live in Wales, then its alright. 2/10
Rugby League; Fat blokes crunch into eachother. basta. really quite dire unless you have no brain at all. no redeeming features except some wankers get beaten up. 0/10
Ice Hockey; something about ice and hockey, Swedes seem to like it. Good violence and high speed crunching into eachother. Aggro blokes whizzing about with big sticks. good idea. 5/10
Grass Hockey; Like the above but on grass, slower and less violent. crap game, usually played by prats. 2/10
Tiddlywinks; better than rugby league.1/10
Shooting; Stupid idea for a sport, shoot a flying bit of cow dung or a target over there. undoubtedly will help the furtherment of the human race.1/10
Surfing; Occasionally standing up on some wood in the water, compulsive talking about it afterwards to other lobotomised people. good birds tho.3/10
Skateboarding; Occasionally standing up on a bit of wood on wheels, compulsive talking about it afterwards to other lobotomised teens. listening to shouty music obbligatorio.2/10
Rollerblading/Rollerskating; moving around on boots with wheels on them. Good idea except has magnetic attraction for enormous posey twats. 1/10
Swimming; Waving your arms and legs about wildly backwards and forwards for a pre-determined amount of distance or until you knock yourself unconscious. Kind of fun, but not really.5/10
Diving; Hurling yourself off various bouncy and not bits of stuff into water. A bit rascist really, but cool when that bloke smashed his head off with aids.4/10
Water Polo; groups of people wearing girly hats smashing eachother in the bits underwater while pretending to swim after a ball. 3/10 (but i wouldnt tell them)
Horsey Polo: Hassling a horse while waving a stick around at a golf ball. Exclusive domain of enormous rich arseholes. Cool people park their horses with the arse facing the field and sit there til the end. 1/10
Polo Mints; not bad, leave with fresh breath. 6/10
Golf; toodling about a big park with sticks and being cranky at a white spotty ball. Can be quite relaxing, but mostly bloody annoying. 6/10
Volleyball; teams of fit amazon birds bounce around a lot, other things might go on involving a ball. 6/10
Beach Volleyball; Something lost on transferral to beach. blokes in tiny speedos and birds in tinier bikinis hurl themselves around and look very serious. 4/10
Newcomb; Just plain stupid.0/10
Baseball; blokes in pyjamas take turns to try and fail to hit a ball. Very american and very boring (surprise)2/10
Basketball; Big black blokes run around and bash into eachother and inevitably throw a ball into a net. makes you wonder why. Loads of ridiculous rules about when you stick your tongue in the opponents ear and why not? 5/10
GridIron; God I hate americans.big black blokes all covered with tampons crunch into eachother and then everybody stops, repeat for who knows how many minutes. 3/10