sorry about the good times

yes i have been rather slack
things are coming to a hed
and now the film is about to start
its french you know
about a tache you know
how can i possibly divide my attention between that and this?
downright impossible
tis a pity though
i have some tales to tell
about taches to start with
about wine
about scratches
about mitres
about loud bands
about cranky me
about sad revelations
about films about nutters
and films about uber nerds
and and and
whole days passed in a daze
about camels riding high
about beavis sinking low
about about about
feeling kinda seedy
about sitting up straight on the back of the tram
about jack black
not flank tho
agggggggggggggggggj hes doing it
aghghgh im not paying attention

whats wrong with the world

i dont have a castle
it isnt on an island
where i would like to place it
there isnt any room for me to park my yacht
pronounced y-a-ch-t
in the marina round the back
theres no helipad that i can use to pop over to lovely fishing village to get a gelato
nor a tunnel with a trainage on it
no wing to host my parties in
no enormous kitchen for my cooks to come up with masterpieces
no other wing for the wenches
my formula one career isnt going great guns
just because i want it to
the strenuous training regime isnt reaping its benefits
but not because im slacking off
like i should be
my accountant isnt creaming money off the top
which wouldnt bother me coz im soo rich
my beautiful wife
carlotta
isnt wowing me everyday
and my scores of mistresses arent making it all just a bit more bearable
my amazing wine collection and posh top shelf liquors arent blocking up the hallways
despite their best attempts
my unseemly political meddlings arent bringing grief to the inbreds and thieves
berluschifo is quaking in fear of my next intervention
the church arent playing nightly in the ballroom
except for when i want another band to serenade during my mighty banquets
chirpy lou reed perhaps
my crazy big personal kick bottom personal jet isnt hopping over the stratosphere
or some sphere or other
and im not heading off to my chalet for a bit snow goat riding
with my good chums
woderwick and trec
bah humbug

sorry about that...

today somebody said sorry
not that horrid little maggoty man
oh no
thatd be too much then wouldnt it?
stronzo
it makes sense
and it had to happen
not that it stopped all the arseholes trying to fight it
to the bitter end
even in a moment of no return
the pricks were still fighting it
one arsehole read a magazine
another arsehole sulked in the background before walkin off
and the boss arsehole made a speech
pretending to give a shit
but still sticking in a few words in defence of the indefensible
they remain a pack of un reconstructed fascists
i am sorry
most decent people are sorry
except perhaps the ignorant ones
their time has passed
and hopefully their unpleasant little scumbag offspring will learn something
unlikely
but at least their numbers will diminish
decade by decade
all that damage done
even if it was with good intentions
needs nay deserves nay fucking merits nay
nay nay
an apple ohgy
tis one of the those days when it makes one proud to be an ostrayan
that hasnt happened for a good while
heres hopin it might be more forthcoming in the immediate future
cynicism begorrah bedevilled kidneystoneflatfootboat

racism and meat pies

somebody once told me that meat pies are the opposite to racism
frankie barbituates mentioned it behind the slavery shoppe
poor old frankie
he wasnt up to much
if only at the time i had realised the beauty that frankie held
i too believed he was racist
and his family
perhaps they had meat pies stashed in their bags
or between their papers
i didnt put them there
or even imagine they could be put there
but this whole racism thing has got my goat
taken it for a walk
and demanded that i be called saucepan
which it never, ever acceded to
what?
its all hysteria somebody once cried
i saw that fellow with his foot planted on the castle
it wasnt me crying out about it
is it posible that the bloke with the long dark legs was racist?
or did he have meat pies stashed somewhere?
or the lady with the left over underpants on her head?
oh she can just fuck off
whether shes racist or not
and as for those dildos with on their ears
that think that god bred them specially in a fishtank
they are diry racist fuckers
not to mention fools and bungsnappers
oh look
im a complete tossface
and i reckon god took a big grin at me
coz i married my cousin
you muppets
may a large bomb made out of meat pies
with or without cheese
shrooms
tomayytoes
boef
or vaffunculo juice
drop on your collective heads and obliterate you forever
meat pie dissing stronzi

SILMS

sudden instant lack of memory of syndrome
is what ive got
the distinct lack of posting makes it kind of noticeable
but it didnt work
it hasnt worked
and it wont work
truth be told it hasnt been very sudden
not the least instant
but the rest of it is quite apt
i dont quite know what happened
it only seems yesterday
was a song by some caved in nose dude
who then got shot
for unamerican activities
that i claimed to have my mojo back
it wasnt an empty claim
at least it didnt seem it at the time
i was all over the post over the blues blues
and ready to boldy go where the hell i had already been
with a modicum of enthusiasm
and at least with something perhaps to say
and then it all went away
and theres been nothing to say
well there might have been
but i wasnt there to say them
whatever that means
or meant at the time
but now im back on the bike
i hope that doesnt end of up being another empty claim
i guess only time will tell
i hope it doesnt tell too loudly
with stickers and pompoms and that
then id look pretty silly in front of all these people
me and errrrrrr..........
vive il grancio

bastard throat fest

my throat hurts
not just hurty wurty
it bloody fucking hurts
hurts when i talk
hurts when i laugh
hurts when i breathe
hurts bloody all the bloody time
cant eat
cant drink
cant shout or carry on
fuck this fucken throat