choo choo mutha fuckers

 

ll... its a (tourist) trap!

By the second half of the 1800s, queen vics leon was getting larger and train travel was becoming more and more accessible for the richer plebs of blightylandia. Railway perversion tourism was growing too, and kinky stations were popping up all across the country. The people of Llanfairpwll weren’t about to miss out on this railway tourism boom, so they decided to come up with a gimmick that would see people disembark at their train station in vast numbers. The gimmick chosen? Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch. And fair play to them.

The year was 1869 and bums were getting squeaky, an anonymous tailor came up with the idea of the comedically long name. It wasn’t entirely random, and the translated version of the name offers up plenty of geographical and natural clues. Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch means ‘St Mary’s Church in the Hollow of the White Hazel Near to the Rapid Whirlpool of Llantysilio of the Red Cave’, a collection of geographical and cultural features that are all found in the vicinity of the village and apt for some comedy scammage. It became the longest train station name on the planet, and the visitors f**cked to check it out.

skill magill!

it could ALMOST make the proposed pub name of theplacewherepissedbastardshangoutat seem slightly bless absurd.

but it can't shan't and won't

picked from in your pocket

kylie threatens to sue, who's sue? is kylie going mad?

there was once a non boy named who's sue

she lived a cyclable distance away

in a not so far off land called Großer Wannsee

she smoked menthols

she was strawberry blonde and had freckles

and had many siblings

she was pretty bland really

we met at a debutante ball

and hung out for many months

but neither of us were really convinced

sues best friend was named jo

she had short brown hair

and a gap between her front teeth

she loved the the

jo was cool

much cooler than sue

anyway back to who's sue

after not hanging out for a while

we hooked up again

and it was predictably underwhelming

and it ended pretty damn quickly

as a mate at the time sang repeatedly at me

(in an appropriately bothersome high pitched squeal)

sues history

no good for you

na na na na na... 

fact schmact - side, burn baby burn... whisker inferno

burnside burning up the confederate side

before side burns were known as such

they were known as burnsides

which took their name from ambrose burnside

a gringo uncivil war general

nb. he may also been known as 'that furry faced tosspot'

nb.2 they assumedly had several other names before the burnmeister, but you know, nothing noteworthy ever happened until gringolandia arrived on the scene.🙄

 

every fucking city

once again PK nails the strayan experience

with this ultimate backpackers tale

the excitement

the disillusion

the backpacker rites

churches, bars, stations etc

the array of random nationalities met

the bafflingly constantly changing languages

the drinking

the lust

the sense of displacement

the apparent sameness of all the diverse places

all rings uncannily true

i can order sandwiches in 15 languages...

did he experience it as a backpacker?

did he experience it as a gigging musician?

or did he just weave together random experiences 

overheard, imagined and lived

as all great story tellers do?

en tout cas he gets it bang fucking on once again

(and ive no doubt many other backpackers from various nations could relate)

Arrivederci, au revoir, auf Wiedersehen, hasta la vista ... baby

spot the twat no.15 THE OBVIOUS ONE

the arch lord of twatistan has his own trading cards

and the above image is not a clever piece of satire

and if you are truly, truly stupid

you can pay $99 gringodolares for one

claiming they are

'very much like a baseball card, but hopefully much more exciting'

yes

i know

its fucking painfully self evident

after all

he might be the most famously enormous twat of recent decades

but he can no longer be ignored

his latest scam of selling his own 'digital trading card'

just screams 'IM A FUCKING HUGE, ALMOST UNFATHOMABLY APPALLING TWAT'

Beavis & Butthead do no.34 - Cinderella

butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt...

Nothing Compares 2Urinating standing up

i never really got sinead as a teen 

when i was getting into music

i wasnt inspired by furious post catholic female angst

despite the lovely jassy giving me the big hit 7 inch single for my 17th bday

in a bland shopping centre reproduced from a gringo corporate masterplan

that could have been in istanbul, johannesburg or bogota

(you too could look like arseville dakota!)

she just seemed like a funny talented madwoman

from a distance

she came across as a nutter

and a nutter she was

but she had a fucking point

(and it wasnt just that her trousers had rucked up!)

her rants about the catholic church were light years ahead of world events

and the doc has shown her to be far from the sensationalist freak that she was portrayed as at the time

she didnt shave her head to shock

she didnt say ugly truths to shock

she was bucking against the vicious hyper conservative ireland in which she lived

then she got ordained by some side church lot

later she became a muslim

because thats the only thinking christian thing to do etc etc

fuck all that sky high

she was a mighty brave, talented beast

in the form of a petite young woman

who faced an epic torrent of shit

from the (almighty) establishment

starring the self serving cuntery behemoth that is the catholic church

and the febrile bastion of ignorance which is the gringo christian right

((who wouldnt know a jebus if he showed up and shat in their letterboxes) AND left a calling card))

amongst others

which left an irreparable dent in her career

still

she did gain worldwide notoriety

(not that she sought it)

so much so that she became an ep cover

by the ultimate iconoclasts

after they got legally ken doned

btw 

i wonder how elke is doing...

how to measure like a brit

 

step one - remove any logical thoughts from brain

step two - good fucking luck

those lovely eccentric nutmegs, complicating life for no good reason

back in metropolis

You could sleep along the way

Dream in black and white...

fug life, tales of nonadventure 2

im fucked with being fucked ...

fug life, tales of nonadventure

tis a shit pick up line...

catarrh world cup update 2/12/22

 

this years world cup has been happily FULL of surprises

THE SUPRISERS

saudi! beat argentina!

japan! beat germany and spain and topped the group!

morocco! beat belgium and canada, drew with croatia. topped the group!

australia! beat denmark and tunisia and through

THE SURPRISEES

germany! lost to japan and OUT!

belgium! lost to morocco and OUT!

denmark! lost to australia, drew with tunisia and OUT!

catarrh! lost all games despite spending billions on stealing other nations players and FIRST OUT!

TWATS

ronaldo! tried to claim a team mates goal and was generally true his nature (a prat)

suarez! still pleased with himself for blatant past cheating

FIFA! still counting their billions of rials and pretending that human lives/rights dont matter