everybody lines up
they point their sticks out that way
they plug in their bottom buttons
scan their photos
snivelly shorts and all
sitting in bristol
sitting in moscow
sitting in the kitchen
maybe even sitting on their seats
dont bloody ask me
come up with a natty catchphrase
unlock their footbox
and see who is out there
i have 8 friends
ha!
i had 58 not that long ago
but some things happened
the whole adam and steve charade
someone found the keys
and let out all the bats
told all those stories
about small men
and plums in that ladies mouth
so then it fell off
now, i just need to track down;
that bloke with the guitar and ponytail in Creel
hanging in the copper canyons and who turned off the bar lights?
the dubliner in berlin
doing guided pub tours and explaining its guinness fault hes fat
james joyce can go to a spa
that big dumb american in interlaken who said hey big guy
and wanted to know what was up...He may not have been taking the piss
sharrrrnta who was indignant and a bit too smart in rome
mrs adrianne and her hospitality in arizona
glenda the sound kiwi guy on a truck all over africa
who called me lemonhead, screamed 'BAFFFFFOON', then sent me his t shirt
good bloke from up norf who was my nairobi mate for a day and a half
but he wanted to see a gorilla
the bloke from jersey or guernsey who got drunk with me in auckland
and was in trub with the taxman if he went home
the cool couple from queensland who played in Krakow
we dined and i ranted about the mistreatment of aborigines, missing the point entirely
the cute waitress girl in kosice who posed and then wrote
went to the US to be a nanny
the polish lady in west london pub lunching with dad
smiling at my jin dobre
the bi portuguese bloke who cooked his toasties in the westbourne and taught me bastardo
then i ignored him years later in carnaby st
the daft kiwi who wanted a rugby contest in bergen
i just dont care and he just wouldnt believe it
the christian anna in swansea who built huts in zimbabwe near the mozambique border
the super red haired girl on the plane from tokyo
who drank vodka and orange and smoke with me in the thoughtfully provided part-time smokers seats on JAL planes...sigh
the sweet israeli guy in iguazu hostel
telling tales of dodgy packs of israelis
man he had a point
that very very very attractive girl in Ica, that someone thought was a prostitute
who nearly caused a kidney failure, to club or not to club?
those darling little 2 norwegian girls in salisbury
identikit twins in all their sweet blondeness and separation anxiety
sweet mrs crossley, angsty at first
taking me swimming and pinting at the posho essex country club
lovely girl in edinburgh for hogmany
kissing everybody with her cold sore, except me
mad drunk jamie and dawn in swansea
who adopted me and then got beaten up by bouncers
Janes cute backpacker buddy katrina
the final piece of the bizarre love quadrangle
who shocked me in front of the sacre coeur
merrill from las vegas who shared my room in budapest
showed that americans can be cool
but had moved to Colorado by the time i got to the US
the three sweet middle aged ladies in plastic factory in Swansea Enterprise Park, Parc Anturiaeth Abertawe... oooh errr...llansamlet
Just as sweet and bemused in '99 as in '96: accounts and reception, do you want a cup of tea?
Si the gaming nutbag in Henley on Thames
practicing his playstation moves as he worked and rushing off home for a spliff at lunchtime...
Kate from Russia, furthering herself in Salsibury
with the bad glasses and blue jeans who fell off the earth near Sevilla
and Keith who put it in deep...
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
i reckon ive got a lot of ideas
i had this corker of an idea
it was going to be a grate blog
full of thrills
gills
and smelly-bakes
it was going to have a reader in raptures
nothing to do with big death
or bollocks religion
just fascination at the superb wordplay
and insightful social commentary
it was going to be a fab, fab thing
but it didnt
but i wasnt
but you couldnt
you see
it just up and left
no down and right
that super concept that was going to happen
it got otherwise engaged
it had to do something relevant
and that bit of brainspace was filled with other roba
completely bloody useless stuff at that
whats it all about?
the screaming and the shouting?
dont ask J Lydon
coz he told you so
shore
you might say
9 was a sound album
armada, happy et al
we're having a party!
not to mention disappointed...
well isnt crap
what friends are for?
thatd be a lazy digression
that could be an attempted cover up
of a complete dearth of ideas
but an overwhelming sense of compunction
same old story...
it was going to be a grate blog
full of thrills
gills
and smelly-bakes
it was going to have a reader in raptures
nothing to do with big death
or bollocks religion
just fascination at the superb wordplay
and insightful social commentary
it was going to be a fab, fab thing
but it didnt
but i wasnt
but you couldnt
you see
it just up and left
no down and right
that super concept that was going to happen
it got otherwise engaged
it had to do something relevant
and that bit of brainspace was filled with other roba
completely bloody useless stuff at that
whats it all about?
the screaming and the shouting?
dont ask J Lydon
coz he told you so
shore
you might say
9 was a sound album
armada, happy et al
we're having a party!
not to mention disappointed...
well isnt crap
what friends are for?
thatd be a lazy digression
that could be an attempted cover up
of a complete dearth of ideas
but an overwhelming sense of compunction
same old story...
Monday, June 18, 2007
no more good news at all
the suicide bomb is a new tactic
the police still arent used to coping
come to kabul
ordinary civilians
south of the country
a city wide open to attack
online
gerry adams
run all over canberra
lewis's team mate
from the very first corner
a blend of pure delight
and pure relief
up against our other major trading partners
ike for president
time was
doesnt have to be squeaky clean
entertaining results
this is ridiculous
gone are the days of the good old fashioned jingle
mild in vancouver
doing some final repair work
goodnight
the police still arent used to coping
come to kabul
ordinary civilians
south of the country
a city wide open to attack
online
gerry adams
run all over canberra
lewis's team mate
from the very first corner
a blend of pure delight
and pure relief
up against our other major trading partners
ike for president
time was
doesnt have to be squeaky clean
entertaining results
this is ridiculous
gone are the days of the good old fashioned jingle
mild in vancouver
doing some final repair work
goodnight
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
god save the queens birthday
some old english bird had a birthday
it wasnt this week
its in Mars or something
that dont matter
we cant still have a day off
i think it was frederica mercurio
i thought she was dead
or was that the queens brother?
what disrespect
so fredericas not dead
well what will ian astbury do when he breaks up with jim morrisson hostel?
so at precisely 4.56, 11.56, 20.56 and 29.56 i got down on my big map of the world and prayed towards the oversized pink bit
and was greatful to the fact that some halfwit vikings come frenchmen invaded a crapola island 900 years ago
ever since they have shagged their sisters
and gradually become ever more inbred and daft
then made thousands of men slaughter eachother while they played tiddlewinks
and talked all toff like
screwthemvis
an empire was born
based upon greed and racism
and it was one of the better ones
ththththththththth wouldve been worse
or jsjsjsjsjsjssjjsjs for that matter
or letwatwtwatwtawtawtwtwattwat
or hckchchskhsscccchchchchchsplit
so we got that one
and we were a part of the umpire
until the umpire got done
and then we became part of the new umpire
from snooty and anal
to crass and ugly
but we kept all the good things
westminster system
irony
bad food
lack of social skills
alcohol abuse
tea
left side driving
cricket
dodgy residency rights
fear of openness
those crappest of crap games
the junket of olympiad
the young ones
that ugly thing on the flag
and the royal family
all over the coinage
all over the government
and all over the shitful magazines
theres no future in australias dreaming...
it wasnt this week
its in Mars or something
that dont matter
we cant still have a day off
i think it was frederica mercurio
i thought she was dead
or was that the queens brother?
what disrespect
so fredericas not dead
well what will ian astbury do when he breaks up with jim morrisson hostel?
so at precisely 4.56, 11.56, 20.56 and 29.56 i got down on my big map of the world and prayed towards the oversized pink bit
and was greatful to the fact that some halfwit vikings come frenchmen invaded a crapola island 900 years ago
ever since they have shagged their sisters
and gradually become ever more inbred and daft
then made thousands of men slaughter eachother while they played tiddlewinks
and talked all toff like
screwthemvis
an empire was born
based upon greed and racism
and it was one of the better ones
ththththththththth wouldve been worse
or jsjsjsjsjsjssjjsjs for that matter
or letwatwtwatwtawtawtwtwattwat
or hckchchskhsscccchchchchchsplit
so we got that one
and we were a part of the umpire
until the umpire got done
and then we became part of the new umpire
from snooty and anal
to crass and ugly
but we kept all the good things
westminster system
irony
bad food
lack of social skills
alcohol abuse
tea
left side driving
cricket
dodgy residency rights
fear of openness
those crappest of crap games
the junket of olympiad
the young ones
that ugly thing on the flag
and the royal family
all over the coinage
all over the government
and all over the shitful magazines
theres no future in australias dreaming...
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Beavis; The Album
track listing;
1.beavisisprobablygay.com
2.embryo
3.he still has a strange attraction to women with faces like hers
4.blimey fish-the extended dance mix
5.pete baby pete pete baby baby pete baby - repeat
6.post nasal drip
7.anal intruder, you know you want it - from the musical of the same name
8.the leon who loved me
9.i want you backflip
10.vanessa did what in the car in surrey hills?
11.i love my mum
12.in an impure manner
13.is she really going with pete..?
14.maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggot
15.do you know summer holiday by beavis sux?
16.back seat taxiderrrrrrrrrmist
17.standing arounds (doo wop wop wop)
18.no you settle down travis
19.Dont you want me Nigel?
20.up yours i may be a great big whiffy homosexual but i sonofasherillbutistillsuckmorethan you
All music written by T.Avis (except 10-written by P.Pino) and (18 written by Nuggois). Lyrics by B.Munch. all instruments played by the band except track 5. portfolio played by N.Ige. Copyright F.knocker music.Recorded at Maggoty Sounds Studio, Spofforth, Islanda. 2007
1.beavisisprobablygay.com
2.embryo
3.he still has a strange attraction to women with faces like hers
4.blimey fish-the extended dance mix
5.pete baby pete pete baby baby pete baby - repeat
6.post nasal drip
7.anal intruder, you know you want it - from the musical of the same name
8.the leon who loved me
9.i want you backflip
10.vanessa did what in the car in surrey hills?
11.i love my mum
12.in an impure manner
13.is she really going with pete..?
14.maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaggot
15.do you know summer holiday by beavis sux?
16.back seat taxiderrrrrrrrrmist
17.standing arounds (doo wop wop wop)
18.no you settle down travis
19.Dont you want me Nigel?
20.up yours i may be a great big whiffy homosexual but i sonofasherillbutistillsuckmorethan you
All music written by T.Avis (except 10-written by P.Pino) and (18 written by Nuggois). Lyrics by B.Munch. all instruments played by the band except track 5. portfolio played by N.Ige. Copyright F.knocker music.Recorded at Maggoty Sounds Studio, Spofforth, Islanda. 2007
Monday, June 11, 2007
up your rrrs tism
les murray is a magyar
and he knows how to gad about with a polo neck jobbie on
hed be on my invite list to the dinner party from which there was no turning back abandon all hope ye who munch here
andrew orsatti is something to do with pronto bears
thatd be a good name for a nad hockey team in the desert
may well have plaid for fishcara
knows his way around a dialect
Tony Plumbow will knock you senseless with his eye obscene size package parcel cases
puo darsi che sia un terrone...
wot a geezer like!
fozzie fozzie fozzie
a long line of shit beer is his lineage
frank blackateepee is a good un
is he a sandwicher or a bikinese?
damien lovelock is a legend car
and he knows peter koppes
that other andrew bloke is a gleek
couldnt pronounce his way into a brothel of monosyllabic cheese whores
and rubbish
the other bloke is just ho hum
might prove to be okay
probly not tho
looks largely on the gormless boat steering class to me
and blonde birdy bird had more mouth than most
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
then there was other birdy bird
something with allbranz
ubermensch?
must have been good
got stolen by crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap channel pants/bollocks
dont matter which it is
they are pretty much the same thing anyway
brank of cowards
thatd be a crow nation i reckon
squishy faced fooker
and how about nedfest?
5'8
9'3 with the ego
what simply fascinating treatise this is proving to be
and he knows how to gad about with a polo neck jobbie on
hed be on my invite list to the dinner party from which there was no turning back abandon all hope ye who munch here
andrew orsatti is something to do with pronto bears
thatd be a good name for a nad hockey team in the desert
may well have plaid for fishcara
knows his way around a dialect
Tony Plumbow will knock you senseless with his eye obscene size package parcel cases
puo darsi che sia un terrone...
wot a geezer like!
fozzie fozzie fozzie
a long line of shit beer is his lineage
frank blackateepee is a good un
is he a sandwicher or a bikinese?
damien lovelock is a legend car
and he knows peter koppes
that other andrew bloke is a gleek
couldnt pronounce his way into a brothel of monosyllabic cheese whores
and rubbish
the other bloke is just ho hum
might prove to be okay
probly not tho
looks largely on the gormless boat steering class to me
and blonde birdy bird had more mouth than most
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
then there was other birdy bird
something with allbranz
ubermensch?
must have been good
got stolen by crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrap channel pants/bollocks
dont matter which it is
they are pretty much the same thing anyway
brank of cowards
thatd be a crow nation i reckon
squishy faced fooker
and how about nedfest?
5'8
9'3 with the ego
what simply fascinating treatise this is proving to be
Saturday, June 09, 2007
flat
-----------------------------------------------
phhhhhhht
phhhhhhht
all the airs gorn
-----------------------------------------------
phhhhhhht
phhhhhhht
all the airs gorn
-----------------------------------------------
Friday, June 08, 2007
little green beer monster
here he comes again
sneaking around just outside
i think i saw him peering in the window
with that horrid beak thing
bastard
where does he come from?
i bet its slimy there
hes never actually in sight
always in the periphery
fucker
the strange shadow moving behind the fronds
it seems that he never really sods off
just hanging about there
waiting for me to slip
maggot
its nothing personal mind
it never bloody is
warts on all his extremities
skulking over there
prick
his got a friend too
the fag monster
when hes holding you down
fag monster shows up and shafts your lungs
i suspect its a whale and limpet deal
they work in tandom
luckily there arent others about
stronzo
must have some kind of wand to cast his spells of boredom or misery
just one drizzle and its chocks away
its all over
self control taken out the back and beaten about the head
beer monster moves in
makes you do and say stupid things
arse
he takes all your money
leaves you feeling all shitey and morose
seamy pezzo di merda
bloody buggery bollocks
sneaking around just outside
i think i saw him peering in the window
with that horrid beak thing
bastard
where does he come from?
i bet its slimy there
hes never actually in sight
always in the periphery
fucker
the strange shadow moving behind the fronds
it seems that he never really sods off
just hanging about there
waiting for me to slip
maggot
its nothing personal mind
it never bloody is
warts on all his extremities
skulking over there
prick
his got a friend too
the fag monster
when hes holding you down
fag monster shows up and shafts your lungs
i suspect its a whale and limpet deal
they work in tandom
luckily there arent others about
stronzo
must have some kind of wand to cast his spells of boredom or misery
just one drizzle and its chocks away
its all over
self control taken out the back and beaten about the head
beer monster moves in
makes you do and say stupid things
arse
he takes all your money
leaves you feeling all shitey and morose
seamy pezzo di merda
bloody buggery bollocks
Thursday, June 07, 2007
i saw this film, but there was no dome
title; Zodiac
cinema; my brother george
duration; long
director; that bloke
starring; some blokes and some birds and some short people
genre; old
Plot; some bloke goes off his nut and kills people, especially snogging couples with bad hair and stupid clothes. It is all very mysterious. He writes to the pigs and the papers. He uses a code. very tricky. A nerd at the paper tries to figure it out. He has a crap salvagente and some brown beavis cords. some other bloke with a camp scarf gets drunk and takes lots of drugs. It gets very heavy. The pigs are lead by the woggy bloke from chips. He has quality sideburns. the bad guy has a limp. but is he the bad guy? probably. beavis was dissatisfied, prefers resolution. something about lakes, parties and libraries. also featuring; buildings, people being serious a lot, crap old cars, too many americans, some old bloke who liked writing, bad nana miskouri hair and glasses, some bloke from some other film, a taxi, blue drinks and lots of fags.
verdict; yeah its alright.
rating; 3 flushes and a half flush coz you cannot be too careful
interesting facts; the main bloke has more than a passing resemblance to Erik the Finocchio. My jacket was warm. guinness is good.
cinema; my brother george
duration; long
director; that bloke
starring; some blokes and some birds and some short people
genre; old
Plot; some bloke goes off his nut and kills people, especially snogging couples with bad hair and stupid clothes. It is all very mysterious. He writes to the pigs and the papers. He uses a code. very tricky. A nerd at the paper tries to figure it out. He has a crap salvagente and some brown beavis cords. some other bloke with a camp scarf gets drunk and takes lots of drugs. It gets very heavy. The pigs are lead by the woggy bloke from chips. He has quality sideburns. the bad guy has a limp. but is he the bad guy? probably. beavis was dissatisfied, prefers resolution. something about lakes, parties and libraries. also featuring; buildings, people being serious a lot, crap old cars, too many americans, some old bloke who liked writing, bad nana miskouri hair and glasses, some bloke from some other film, a taxi, blue drinks and lots of fags.
verdict; yeah its alright.
rating; 3 flushes and a half flush coz you cannot be too careful
interesting facts; the main bloke has more than a passing resemblance to Erik the Finocchio. My jacket was warm. guinness is good.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
the further adventures of super tonto
look
down on the ground
quite literally
it's super tonto!
is it a slug
is it a sloth
no its super tonto!
he can stroll faster than an old lady with both hips replaced
he can leap (step) cracks in the pavement without forgetting to put the bins out
he can bend tacos as if they were nachos
yes its super tonto!
he can wear is smalls on the outside without fear of mockery
he sports a cape and doesnt suck on blood
his mask is only a bit wonky
whats this i hear?
A crimewave....!
fear not, super tonto will be here in a couple of weeks to foil the evil doers
whats that you say?
an asteroid on a collision course with the earth....!
stay calm, super tonto will look into it in due course, just after he watched another few eposides of futurama
how can it be?
a foreign power has declared war....?
be still tender one, super tonto will sue for peace and dissuade the aggressors with his waning charms and 90 percent of the GDP for the next 120 years
Can it be possible?
the outbreak of a killer pandemic....?
Remain indoors, super tonto will destroy it with medical research that was unfortunately cancelled by a pseudo religious government leaving only a bit of dettol
Now all this has been pointed out, super tonto will put the phone down and go away quietly
down on the ground
quite literally
it's super tonto!
is it a slug
is it a sloth
no its super tonto!
he can stroll faster than an old lady with both hips replaced
he can leap (step) cracks in the pavement without forgetting to put the bins out
he can bend tacos as if they were nachos
yes its super tonto!
he can wear is smalls on the outside without fear of mockery
he sports a cape and doesnt suck on blood
his mask is only a bit wonky
whats this i hear?
A crimewave....!
fear not, super tonto will be here in a couple of weeks to foil the evil doers
whats that you say?
an asteroid on a collision course with the earth....!
stay calm, super tonto will look into it in due course, just after he watched another few eposides of futurama
how can it be?
a foreign power has declared war....?
be still tender one, super tonto will sue for peace and dissuade the aggressors with his waning charms and 90 percent of the GDP for the next 120 years
Can it be possible?
the outbreak of a killer pandemic....?
Remain indoors, super tonto will destroy it with medical research that was unfortunately cancelled by a pseudo religious government leaving only a bit of dettol
Now all this has been pointed out, super tonto will put the phone down and go away quietly
Tuesday, June 05, 2007
Monday, June 04, 2007
silver bloody doors
yes they do my head in
silver bloody doors
3 particular types
silver doors in elevators
silver doors airports
silver doors on trains
silver bloody doors
always taking something away
always closing horizontally
as you watch a precious thing gradually get thinner
then disappear
fuck it
i lost her over and over again to silver doors
those bloody english silver doors
taking it all away
maybe even tearing it all away
or closing it all away
hopes and dreams
arses
ooops....
somebody just hollowed me out
with a flesh chisel and an ice hammer
fuck it
errr what happens next?
holland park tube
the name escapes but the image is burnt in
off to golders green to the minted family friends
go marry a pilot...
the ones of a kind
not my bloody kind
i showed them and their basin!
bloody heath bloody row airport
bed and breakfast fisting
ahh it wont take long
its just a tube trip away
giggle and spit
eat rubbish overpriced english breakfast
make the most of it
lap it up
missed the flight
oh dear oh dear
waitlisted
oh shit oh shit
last minute seat
oh fuck oh fuck
put the empty vessel back on the tube
perk up
tomorrow a friend comes
some bleached buffoon with biceps
paying only 345343434 quid a night at marble arch
sleep overs can get you big trub
off we go on the next big adventure
should be great
should be beside oneself
look bright
sure
shitsticks
big fucking chance of that coming on down
at least its not the end of the world....
if only i had already met gruff
silver bloody doors
3 particular types
silver doors in elevators
silver doors airports
silver doors on trains
silver bloody doors
always taking something away
always closing horizontally
as you watch a precious thing gradually get thinner
then disappear
fuck it
i lost her over and over again to silver doors
those bloody english silver doors
taking it all away
maybe even tearing it all away
or closing it all away
hopes and dreams
arses
ooops....
somebody just hollowed me out
with a flesh chisel and an ice hammer
fuck it
errr what happens next?
holland park tube
the name escapes but the image is burnt in
off to golders green to the minted family friends
go marry a pilot...
the ones of a kind
not my bloody kind
i showed them and their basin!
bloody heath bloody row airport
bed and breakfast fisting
ahh it wont take long
its just a tube trip away
giggle and spit
eat rubbish overpriced english breakfast
make the most of it
lap it up
missed the flight
oh dear oh dear
waitlisted
oh shit oh shit
last minute seat
oh fuck oh fuck
put the empty vessel back on the tube
perk up
tomorrow a friend comes
some bleached buffoon with biceps
paying only 345343434 quid a night at marble arch
sleep overs can get you big trub
off we go on the next big adventure
should be great
should be beside oneself
look bright
sure
shitsticks
big fucking chance of that coming on down
at least its not the end of the world....
if only i had already met gruff
Sunday, June 03, 2007
I heard it from my friends, about the things she said
carrots, kale, corn cob, lemons, pineapple, ginger, tamari, chai tea, bullets
Friday, June 01, 2007
theres a hole in face dear insanity lady
what the fook?
where did that come from?
lets just take a short cut to the truth
lets hide the truth
lets find a playground
but its not really a playground
it should have been tho
i was convinced of it
otherwise i would never have hurled myself over the fence
surely you believe this much
i would
funny looking playground
with some muppet on the other side of it
uncanny
nuffink better than a face plant plant
oooch lucky i am numb like
keep at it
hurl yourself repeatedly at it
found objects
chairs
different sizes
do it again!!!!
whoops, dropped something
lucky i noticed that
who knows how long it went on for
stifled larfta
a little plastic chair
obliterated
a mercedes trampled
a ladder discovered when all seemed lost
a little on the rickety side
pretty bloody little
it did the job
just
larfing
larfing
larfing
shshshhshsh
a trampoline over that way
next fence
off we go again
butt in your face
buttface
up and over
despite selfish slanty fence bits
bye bye ladder
bye bye lady
climbed to the top of the pile
no glass ceilings around here
haaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bloody ha
where did that come from?
lets just take a short cut to the truth
lets hide the truth
lets find a playground
but its not really a playground
it should have been tho
i was convinced of it
otherwise i would never have hurled myself over the fence
surely you believe this much
i would
funny looking playground
with some muppet on the other side of it
uncanny
nuffink better than a face plant plant
oooch lucky i am numb like
keep at it
hurl yourself repeatedly at it
found objects
chairs
different sizes
do it again!!!!
whoops, dropped something
lucky i noticed that
who knows how long it went on for
stifled larfta
a little plastic chair
obliterated
a mercedes trampled
a ladder discovered when all seemed lost
a little on the rickety side
pretty bloody little
it did the job
just
larfing
larfing
larfing
shshshhshsh
a trampoline over that way
next fence
off we go again
butt in your face
buttface
up and over
despite selfish slanty fence bits
bye bye ladder
bye bye lady
climbed to the top of the pile
no glass ceilings around here
haaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa bloody ha
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Stevis spark willson-luncher- 43 today
lack of loose inspiration-spandex chalet-old
Damn you for coming home
Im sorry that the video's all marrone
Horse left it there I could have sworn
These are my slurry days
Slowly being scarfed away
Just another slander that you are gay
Oh but Im nauseas coz of you,but Im nauseas coz of you
Your arse has the power to maul
Leon has left you standing so tall
Old
Always believe in your bunghole
Youve got the power to gas
Youre incoherent
Always believe it,because you are
Old
Damn you, youre bound to return
Theres nothing I could have learned
Youre incoherent,always believe it
After the rash has gone
I hope you find a little more fro
Remember Leon and you were partners in crime
Its only 15 years ago
The pyscho with the pony tail and the grin
You know that he was there in rex court
Now hes in love with you, hes always in love with you
And his love is like a bottle shop window
But Leon left you standing so tall
Old
Always believe in your bunghole
Youve got the power to maim
Youre incoherent
Always believe it, because you are
Old
Damn you, youre bound to return
Theres nothing I could have learned
Youre incoherent, always believe it...
Damn you for coming home
Im sorry that the video's all marrone
Horse left it there I could have sworn
These are my slurry days
Slowly being scarfed away
Just another slander that you are gay
Oh but Im nauseas coz of you,but Im nauseas coz of you
Your arse has the power to maul
Leon has left you standing so tall
Old
Always believe in your bunghole
Youve got the power to gas
Youre incoherent
Always believe it,because you are
Old
Damn you, youre bound to return
Theres nothing I could have learned
Youre incoherent,always believe it
After the rash has gone
I hope you find a little more fro
Remember Leon and you were partners in crime
Its only 15 years ago
The pyscho with the pony tail and the grin
You know that he was there in rex court
Now hes in love with you, hes always in love with you
And his love is like a bottle shop window
But Leon left you standing so tall
Old
Always believe in your bunghole
Youve got the power to maim
Youre incoherent
Always believe it, because you are
Old
Damn you, youre bound to return
Theres nothing I could have learned
Youre incoherent, always believe it...
Wednesday, May 30, 2007
whats up with the maths on your boots on your feet?
thats a pretty damn stupid place to put your maths
nerd.
no, homes you dont know what time it is
sure, you know pythagorarses theorem at a glance downward
but you'll end up with OCD before i do
not to mention motion sickness
fucking twat
nerd.
no, homes you dont know what time it is
sure, you know pythagorarses theorem at a glance downward
but you'll end up with OCD before i do
not to mention motion sickness
fucking twat
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
karyn's blog is pants
oh its bad
whatever you do, dont check out karyn's blog
its shit
not just shit
but that type of shit that sticks to your boot
gets stuck between the tready bits
and needs hours of retching poking at with sticks to come off
awww its awful
that blog of karyns
i mean, paedophilic, rainforest destroying, whale slaughtering, goose liver fattening with sticks, jeff kennet loving, creed digging, racist, biggoted, genocide performing americans could do better than that!
ive had more fun with my nipples sliced off by razor blades
much more giggles to be had there than reading karyns blog
it shouldnt really be called a blog
i mean 'log' or 'bog' would be far more apt
thats the kind of stuff shes backing out onto the net
wowwwa its drivel that blog of karyns
looks like it was typed by a gnu with cataracts and hoof rot
i will probably be sued by a gnu rights association now
for being so horrid as to compare them with karyns blog
man, its dire that blog of karyns
and the photos, yech!
looks like the people in them fell off the top of mt uglyverest
and hit every ugly stone, boulder, glacier, abominable snowman, oxygen tank, frozen dead geezer and mincing machine on the way down
id rather ram a hot poker in my left eye than read karyns blog
its THAT bad!
its that kind of bollocks you only find under some old mans foreskin
its so bad that its like buying a new t shirt and getting it home to discover it already has stains under the armpits!
echhhhhhhhh its rough!
like that grit you get between your toes
when a whole year of it is baked together in a cake and served with john howard sauce
beavis could eat nothing but garlic and horse vomit and then shit in a jar
leave the jar locked underground in a nuclear bunker
open it with stale urine covered gloves after 12 years
and itd still not stink as bad as karyns blog!
i heard she works in a library
what kind of library is that?
one with sticks with shit on them filed in random order coz ooga booga the bogeyman told someone in a dream?
id bet that kids that go into that library would actually come out more stupid than before
awful awful blog
with any luck she will get eaten by some papua new guinean bloke and her blog will get a blog eating virus that will destroy any trace of it ever existing
yuckkkkkkkkkkkk, that karyns blog
I thought i felt grim after drinking 3 tubs of starch last week
but that was a party of naked dancing girls with fairyfloss compared to karyns blog
unpleasant?! man i thought gerard was unfortunate
hes positively monica bellucci compared to karyns blog and its filth peddling
i thought the geneva convention was put in place to stop this kind of evil...
dont blame me, i voted 3RRR
http://karyns-blog.blogspot.com/
whatever you do, dont check out karyn's blog
its shit
not just shit
but that type of shit that sticks to your boot
gets stuck between the tready bits
and needs hours of retching poking at with sticks to come off
awww its awful
that blog of karyns
i mean, paedophilic, rainforest destroying, whale slaughtering, goose liver fattening with sticks, jeff kennet loving, creed digging, racist, biggoted, genocide performing americans could do better than that!
ive had more fun with my nipples sliced off by razor blades
much more giggles to be had there than reading karyns blog
it shouldnt really be called a blog
i mean 'log' or 'bog' would be far more apt
thats the kind of stuff shes backing out onto the net
wowwwa its drivel that blog of karyns
looks like it was typed by a gnu with cataracts and hoof rot
i will probably be sued by a gnu rights association now
for being so horrid as to compare them with karyns blog
man, its dire that blog of karyns
and the photos, yech!
looks like the people in them fell off the top of mt uglyverest
and hit every ugly stone, boulder, glacier, abominable snowman, oxygen tank, frozen dead geezer and mincing machine on the way down
id rather ram a hot poker in my left eye than read karyns blog
its THAT bad!
its that kind of bollocks you only find under some old mans foreskin
its so bad that its like buying a new t shirt and getting it home to discover it already has stains under the armpits!
echhhhhhhhh its rough!
like that grit you get between your toes
when a whole year of it is baked together in a cake and served with john howard sauce
beavis could eat nothing but garlic and horse vomit and then shit in a jar
leave the jar locked underground in a nuclear bunker
open it with stale urine covered gloves after 12 years
and itd still not stink as bad as karyns blog!
i heard she works in a library
what kind of library is that?
one with sticks with shit on them filed in random order coz ooga booga the bogeyman told someone in a dream?
id bet that kids that go into that library would actually come out more stupid than before
awful awful blog
with any luck she will get eaten by some papua new guinean bloke and her blog will get a blog eating virus that will destroy any trace of it ever existing
yuckkkkkkkkkkkk, that karyns blog
I thought i felt grim after drinking 3 tubs of starch last week
but that was a party of naked dancing girls with fairyfloss compared to karyns blog
unpleasant?! man i thought gerard was unfortunate
hes positively monica bellucci compared to karyns blog and its filth peddling
i thought the geneva convention was put in place to stop this kind of evil...
dont blame me, i voted 3RRR
http://karyns-blog.blogspot.com/
Monday, May 28, 2007
una vita da mediano - Luciano Ligabue
he makes me go all squiffy,
because he's worth it...
una vita da mediano
a recuperar palloni
nato senza i piedi buoni
lavorare sui polmoni
una vita da mediano
con dei compiti precisi
a coprire certe zone
a giocare generosi
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
una vita da mediano
da chi segna sempre poco
che il pallone devi darlo
a chi finalizza il gioco
una vita da mediano
che natura non ti ha dato
nè lo spunto della punta
nè del 10 che peccato
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
stai lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai
finche ce n'hai
stai lì
una vita da mediano
da uno che si brucia presto
perché quando hai dato troppo
devi andare e fare posto
una vita da mediano
lavorando come Oriali
anni di fatica e botte e
vinci casomai i mondiali
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
stai lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai
finchè ce n'hai
stai lì
because he's worth it...
una vita da mediano
a recuperar palloni
nato senza i piedi buoni
lavorare sui polmoni
una vita da mediano
con dei compiti precisi
a coprire certe zone
a giocare generosi
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
una vita da mediano
da chi segna sempre poco
che il pallone devi darlo
a chi finalizza il gioco
una vita da mediano
che natura non ti ha dato
nè lo spunto della punta
nè del 10 che peccato
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
stai lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai
finche ce n'hai
stai lì
una vita da mediano
da uno che si brucia presto
perché quando hai dato troppo
devi andare e fare posto
una vita da mediano
lavorando come Oriali
anni di fatica e botte e
vinci casomai i mondiali
lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai stai lì
stai lì
sempre lì
lì nel mezzo
finchè ce n'hai
finchè ce n'hai
stai lì
Saturday, May 26, 2007
i never was a boxer rebel
there was a film going on
i know coz i saw it
there were plenty of geezers
the end of the line
there was a mountain backdrop
that said, it must have been south east london!
yep, it was a dream
it was that place where the fillum was set
dont ask me what fillum
it was the place where i had gone to do that
no, thats not right
to do this
anyway, i knew all about it at the time
and i was a self appointed expert
then i was there
not doing what i had been there for where art for before
that as a relief
there was Daddy-o
wandering past them chain pubs
the fuck off and firkin
each one more recognizable than the last
sitting outside one
chatting to some semi threatening, but not really yobs
one had a most ridiculous/coolest car thing you ever saw
depending on your point of view
dont block it out!
a white motor with 2 little wheels in the undercarriage
apparently for bouncing up and down as they do in god bless america
and a remote control
but he sent it into a tree
trying to be impressed
not wanting trub, the kind that is always just about to show up with these twats
catching the tube, but cant get off
too slow to move
cranky brits muttering about it
not sure why
Dad on the platform
see you at the next stop
i shouted
there he was...
apparently it didnt matter...
next scene
same suburb
i knew it had to be the souf east coz the mountains were there
i explained to a local
he humoured me
tells me 'you should meet blahdy blah, he lives here'
ive never heard of blahdy blah
then, the same place
but with a different kez
same theme pubs
same disillusionment
the endless line of high street eateries
each more predictable than the last
downstairs scofferies or upstairs uncomfortable seateries
why must it be like this?
damn silly country if only somebody asked me
we had to go down to the tube station
or was it the mainline
bloody junkies
sister sludge was on her way
no idea why
vending machines and dirty air
why so grim my beloved albion?
trains to brighton ?! whizzing by
figger that one out.
i know coz i saw it
there were plenty of geezers
the end of the line
there was a mountain backdrop
that said, it must have been south east london!
yep, it was a dream
it was that place where the fillum was set
dont ask me what fillum
it was the place where i had gone to do that
no, thats not right
to do this
anyway, i knew all about it at the time
and i was a self appointed expert
then i was there
not doing what i had been there for where art for before
that as a relief
there was Daddy-o
wandering past them chain pubs
the fuck off and firkin
each one more recognizable than the last
sitting outside one
chatting to some semi threatening, but not really yobs
one had a most ridiculous/coolest car thing you ever saw
depending on your point of view
dont block it out!
a white motor with 2 little wheels in the undercarriage
apparently for bouncing up and down as they do in god bless america
and a remote control
but he sent it into a tree
trying to be impressed
not wanting trub, the kind that is always just about to show up with these twats
catching the tube, but cant get off
too slow to move
cranky brits muttering about it
not sure why
Dad on the platform
see you at the next stop
i shouted
there he was...
apparently it didnt matter...
next scene
same suburb
i knew it had to be the souf east coz the mountains were there
i explained to a local
he humoured me
tells me 'you should meet blahdy blah, he lives here'
ive never heard of blahdy blah
then, the same place
but with a different kez
same theme pubs
same disillusionment
the endless line of high street eateries
each more predictable than the last
downstairs scofferies or upstairs uncomfortable seateries
why must it be like this?
damn silly country if only somebody asked me
we had to go down to the tube station
or was it the mainline
bloody junkies
sister sludge was on her way
no idea why
vending machines and dirty air
why so grim my beloved albion?
trains to brighton ?! whizzing by
figger that one out.
Friday, May 25, 2007
whats the matter with him?
he's alright
speak for yourself
the love of man
right from the bottom
to the top
little man
big suit
maybe some glasses
foie gras
fat liver
stuff it all down with a stick
its okay we are flemish
stop baking tents
more dongs about mildew and lewd
butane in trite
hunts in a pipeline
beaking in bungs
balking reds; 7/11
gear of shoeslick
the name of this band is fucking cazzo
blue whories
spittle leeches
steakbread
tripe slices
speak for yourself
the love of man
right from the bottom
to the top
little man
big suit
maybe some glasses
foie gras
fat liver
stuff it all down with a stick
its okay we are flemish
stop baking tents
more dongs about mildew and lewd
butane in trite
hunts in a pipeline
beaking in bungs
balking reds; 7/11
gear of shoeslick
the name of this band is fucking cazzo
blue whories
spittle leeches
steakbread
tripe slices
Thursday, May 24, 2007
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
if you're listening Ed, give us a call
why Ed Kuepper is great
by Ed Kuepper
and special contributions by Chris Bailey
perhaps...
Ed is great
not just 'great' but really GREAT
now why is ed so great you may ignorantly ask
well, he is great because he is not a mortal
no, ed will live on when all you lot are decomposing underground
greating around like greatness was invented just for his benefit
which it was...
lets put ed in context
not great as in great britain
thats a misnomer that couldnt be applied to ed
i mean
putting england-small rah,scotland-rah and wales-rah rah
into one country about the size of victoria doesnt really cut it as great
at least not in the ed sense of great
alexander the great? shouldve been called alexander the pants
and gay and of ill defined nationality. Ed would have taken india without breaking a sweat and NEVER would have been poisoned by some panty waist when just about to take the arabian peninsula.
boring
ramses the great? get bent
compared to ed, all he did was ponce about with eyeliner on and spent his whole life working on an iconic symbol to ensure his fame thousands of years into the future. Ed could have one of those, but hes too cool.
boring
'great balls of fire', bollocks!
more like piffling nad globules of a bit of smog wafting off them
ed actually invented rock and roll, some black bloke in the 60's was just copying him, typical...
'great expectations' i hear you whimper?
rubbish! compared to eds genius itd be called lame-o vague hopes of mediocrity
ed could write a much better book than charles dickhead about social inequalities in victorian britain if he felt like it, he just didnt, so bog off!
'great barrier reef', ptoooheys!
just a mish mash assortment of dead sealife with no real attraction, if you were to ask ed. Now, if ed were a barrier reef, thatd be something to marvel at and put your goggles on and stick yer bum in the air about. You might even catch a great tune underwater!
'great southern stand', barf and schlarf!
if ed had designed a stand, it wouldnt be just bits of steel and concrete! itd be a whole new defining moment in standage. like when ed invented classical music and got ripped off by beethoven, ravel, bach, the pompino bros et al. lightweights!
'great wall of china', a deficient childs play!
Ed would never have needed to build a big load of old lego bits to keep the mongolian hordes out. He would have enthralled and entranced them with some heavenly tunes from a nearby hill and they would have ended up bringing flowers to him and writing poetry to the local han population.
you almost get the picture, you cant really get it coz you arent as cool as ed. Indeed ed has also; invented punk before those ramones fools or the sux pistols, got skinny, got fat, got a beard, shaved it off.defeated communism with song called, ed is great, no really, he bloody well is and dont try to argue, coz you arent as cool as ed, invented time travel, designed a cure for aids but then burnt it coz he couldnt be bothered with all the pressure man, proved the earth is lemon jelly shaped, abolished child literacy, held the record for the most amount of paddle pops in your mouth, implemented an atheist caliphate over previously backward arab and asian countries, got off with george bush snr behind the bike sheds, discovered alien life forms and then made a hat out of them, AND really shown chris bailey by not letting him say anything on this blog, hah!
by Ed Kuepper
and special contributions by Chris Bailey
perhaps...
Ed is great
not just 'great' but really GREAT
now why is ed so great you may ignorantly ask
well, he is great because he is not a mortal
no, ed will live on when all you lot are decomposing underground
greating around like greatness was invented just for his benefit
which it was...
lets put ed in context
not great as in great britain
thats a misnomer that couldnt be applied to ed
i mean
putting england-small rah,scotland-rah and wales-rah rah
into one country about the size of victoria doesnt really cut it as great
at least not in the ed sense of great
alexander the great? shouldve been called alexander the pants
and gay and of ill defined nationality. Ed would have taken india without breaking a sweat and NEVER would have been poisoned by some panty waist when just about to take the arabian peninsula.
boring
ramses the great? get bent
compared to ed, all he did was ponce about with eyeliner on and spent his whole life working on an iconic symbol to ensure his fame thousands of years into the future. Ed could have one of those, but hes too cool.
boring
'great balls of fire', bollocks!
more like piffling nad globules of a bit of smog wafting off them
ed actually invented rock and roll, some black bloke in the 60's was just copying him, typical...
'great expectations' i hear you whimper?
rubbish! compared to eds genius itd be called lame-o vague hopes of mediocrity
ed could write a much better book than charles dickhead about social inequalities in victorian britain if he felt like it, he just didnt, so bog off!
'great barrier reef', ptoooheys!
just a mish mash assortment of dead sealife with no real attraction, if you were to ask ed. Now, if ed were a barrier reef, thatd be something to marvel at and put your goggles on and stick yer bum in the air about. You might even catch a great tune underwater!
'great southern stand', barf and schlarf!
if ed had designed a stand, it wouldnt be just bits of steel and concrete! itd be a whole new defining moment in standage. like when ed invented classical music and got ripped off by beethoven, ravel, bach, the pompino bros et al. lightweights!
'great wall of china', a deficient childs play!
Ed would never have needed to build a big load of old lego bits to keep the mongolian hordes out. He would have enthralled and entranced them with some heavenly tunes from a nearby hill and they would have ended up bringing flowers to him and writing poetry to the local han population.
you almost get the picture, you cant really get it coz you arent as cool as ed. Indeed ed has also; invented punk before those ramones fools or the sux pistols, got skinny, got fat, got a beard, shaved it off.defeated communism with song called, ed is great, no really, he bloody well is and dont try to argue, coz you arent as cool as ed, invented time travel, designed a cure for aids but then burnt it coz he couldnt be bothered with all the pressure man, proved the earth is lemon jelly shaped, abolished child literacy, held the record for the most amount of paddle pops in your mouth, implemented an atheist caliphate over previously backward arab and asian countries, got off with george bush snr behind the bike sheds, discovered alien life forms and then made a hat out of them, AND really shown chris bailey by not letting him say anything on this blog, hah!
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
I'm not exactly talking about my friend George
ants in your pants?
seems that way
sneak orf to the lamb and flag
but its not really the lamb and flag
its a larf innit?
no
but its got a pretty silly name
so, how about a bargain pizzavis?
dont mind if he does
check out the jugs on that bar
yummy yummy yummy
how old is that bloke with no legs?
pretty bloody old
he'll be heading south again
too much noise
too much blahdy blah
somebody was sick of shouting
might've been me
cyrllic adaption
there goes whats his knobs
or his dibs
never his hibs
and why not?
no pint on punk for you
the greyhound has bolted
its back to back George
firstly an ickle stop orf
in the lane bar
really luverly decor man
clawwwwsy
then a short trip early doors to the public bar
my little toilet
lavatory no tho
leoning all over the bah humbug
sticking earrings in your not ear
what was that all about
jagermeister shots?
what was he thinking?
bloody pissedvis
probably lots of banging on
willy koder?
what the fuck?
blah blah bocs
that was odd
sheya batemen
somebody's nose on a fort
more beer
english ladies intent on chatter
this is a low
seems that way
sneak orf to the lamb and flag
but its not really the lamb and flag
its a larf innit?
no
but its got a pretty silly name
so, how about a bargain pizzavis?
dont mind if he does
check out the jugs on that bar
yummy yummy yummy
how old is that bloke with no legs?
pretty bloody old
he'll be heading south again
too much noise
too much blahdy blah
somebody was sick of shouting
might've been me
cyrllic adaption
there goes whats his knobs
or his dibs
never his hibs
and why not?
no pint on punk for you
the greyhound has bolted
its back to back George
firstly an ickle stop orf
in the lane bar
really luverly decor man
clawwwwsy
then a short trip early doors to the public bar
my little toilet
lavatory no tho
leoning all over the bah humbug
sticking earrings in your not ear
what was that all about
jagermeister shots?
what was he thinking?
bloody pissedvis
probably lots of banging on
willy koder?
what the fuck?
blah blah bocs
that was odd
sheya batemen
somebody's nose on a fort
more beer
english ladies intent on chatter
this is a low
Monday, May 21, 2007
hear hear
The Guardian Online, 20/05/2007
Nimer Sultany
Natives, not immigrants
Palestinian citizens are not immigrants to Israel; they had lived in their homeland long before Israel became a reality.
As the native sons and daughters of Palestine, the Palestinian citizens in Israel are always amused by the arguments: "If you do not like your inferior status - you can leave; if you define yourself as a Palestinian and sympathise with the Palestinian struggle for freedom and self-determination - you can join your brothers and sisters in Palestine."
Of course those making these arguments do not note the irony underpinning their thinking:
First, immigrants - including recent immigrants like cabinet minister Avigdor Lieberman - or descendents of immigrants are asking the indigenous population to leave their own homeland.
Second, through designing state policies, institutionalised discrimination, and a popular culture of hate, they are making the lives of the natives unbearable in the hope they will be "encouraged" to leave.
Third, these arguments are presupposing the false assumption that the Palestinian minority is a minority of immigrants like the Turks in Germany or the Pakistanis in the United Kingdom. As a minority of immigrants they are supposed, so goes the argument, to adjust to their new country of choice and bear the consequences of alienation with the new reality and symbols of the state. They cannot seriously have complaints about their status because they themselves had chosen to migrate to this state. If they do not like it they might migrate again.
Those same persons using this kind of argument will be appalled when anybody answers their complaints concerning "Arab hostility" to Israel and "terrorist attacks" by saying: "You had chosen to immigrate to Palestine and establish a state in the Middle East in an Arab region on the expense of the indigenous people. If you do not like this reality you can leave."
The fact of the matter is the Palestinian citizens did not immigrate to Israel; rather they had lived in their homeland long before Israel became a reality.
Fourth, another irony is the fact that Israeli policies themselves are preventing the emergence of a Palestinian state. By refusing to withdraw from the occupied land, destroying the Palestinian authority in the recent intifada, building more and more colonies and expanding Greater Jerusalem, building a separation wall inside the West Bank, refusing to engage in any meaningful negotiations in more than six years, rejecting and boycotting the democratically elected Palestinian officials (whether Arafat or Hamas government), destroying the Palestinian economy (as a report by the World Bank has just indicated), and cutting the territories into isolated Bantustans - Israel is making a Palestinian state look like a remote dream.
Further, it is making the Palestinian ordinary life unbearable "encouraging" more people to immigrate. The Palestinian citizens of Israel are being asked to join this man-made reality. Just to be asked again to leave.
Of course, the knee-jerk reaction to this last argument by Israeli apologists is: "Israel will withdraw when Palestinian violence ends." This argument does not take into account that the original sin is the occupation itself and that resistance is a natural historical outcome. It does not also answer the question of building colonies and sending more Jewish settlers. It does not as well answer the question why Israel did not withdraw from the Golan Heights.
For four decades, the Syrian-Israeli ceasefire line has been among the most quiet in the world and yet there is no intention to withdraw on Israel's part; on the contrary - its colonies are flourishing. In the last year we saw how Israel turns its back to a Syrian invitation for negotiations. Finally, this argument also attempts vainly to present Israel as a victim, as reacting to events, with no political agency.
The argument "you can leave", however, is not only amusing and ironic. It is also alarming. First, it serves to justify the institutionalised discrimination against the native population. "You think it is bad? We can make it worse," or "You can have it worse elsewhere, so sit quietly." In this Zionist perspective the Palestinian is an unwelcomed and unwanted guest. As a guest the Palestinian should behave, otherwise the citizenship status will be stripped. As a guest in his homeland, the Palestinian is expected to be thankful for the leftovers of rights that the new masters of the land might grant him.
Second it is not just an argument; it is also the basis for serious policy proposals by cabinet ministers, public opinion makers and members of the Israeli parliament. There is a long list of influential politicians, academics and journalists who have proposed variations of "exchange of lands" or "exchange of populations" or even expulsion with the purpose of getting rid of the native citizens and enhancing the Jewish ethnic and ideological character of the state. Two-thirds of the Jewish majority in recent years expressed its demand from the government to "encourage" the Palestinian citizens to emigrate. And one-third of the Jewish Israelis support the expulsion of Palestinian citizens.
These proposals are part of the conception that the Palestinian citizens are a "demographic threat". A Jewish state entails the maintenance of a solid Jewish majority. Therefore, it cannot coexist with a large Palestinian minority. It has been and will always be - so long as it is defined as such - concerned by how many Arabs and Jews were born in a certain year. Every newly-born Palestinian child inside Israel is a direct threat to the demographic equation. That's why serious and prestigious institutions and conferences (such as the Herzliya Conference, the Demographic Centre, the Public Council for Demography) convene to discuss how this demographic threat should be "contained".
That's why Benny Morris lamented (including in the Guardian) the fact that Ben-Gurion did not complete his project of expulsion of the natives in 1948.
The existence of Palestinian citizens in a Jewish and Zionist state reveals the inherent contradiction of the Zionist project: you cannot have a Jewish supremacy and claim that you are democratic because you do not propose equal and universal citizenship.
Nimer Sultany
Natives, not immigrants
Palestinian citizens are not immigrants to Israel; they had lived in their homeland long before Israel became a reality.
As the native sons and daughters of Palestine, the Palestinian citizens in Israel are always amused by the arguments: "If you do not like your inferior status - you can leave; if you define yourself as a Palestinian and sympathise with the Palestinian struggle for freedom and self-determination - you can join your brothers and sisters in Palestine."
Of course those making these arguments do not note the irony underpinning their thinking:
First, immigrants - including recent immigrants like cabinet minister Avigdor Lieberman - or descendents of immigrants are asking the indigenous population to leave their own homeland.
Second, through designing state policies, institutionalised discrimination, and a popular culture of hate, they are making the lives of the natives unbearable in the hope they will be "encouraged" to leave.
Third, these arguments are presupposing the false assumption that the Palestinian minority is a minority of immigrants like the Turks in Germany or the Pakistanis in the United Kingdom. As a minority of immigrants they are supposed, so goes the argument, to adjust to their new country of choice and bear the consequences of alienation with the new reality and symbols of the state. They cannot seriously have complaints about their status because they themselves had chosen to migrate to this state. If they do not like it they might migrate again.
Those same persons using this kind of argument will be appalled when anybody answers their complaints concerning "Arab hostility" to Israel and "terrorist attacks" by saying: "You had chosen to immigrate to Palestine and establish a state in the Middle East in an Arab region on the expense of the indigenous people. If you do not like this reality you can leave."
The fact of the matter is the Palestinian citizens did not immigrate to Israel; rather they had lived in their homeland long before Israel became a reality.
Fourth, another irony is the fact that Israeli policies themselves are preventing the emergence of a Palestinian state. By refusing to withdraw from the occupied land, destroying the Palestinian authority in the recent intifada, building more and more colonies and expanding Greater Jerusalem, building a separation wall inside the West Bank, refusing to engage in any meaningful negotiations in more than six years, rejecting and boycotting the democratically elected Palestinian officials (whether Arafat or Hamas government), destroying the Palestinian economy (as a report by the World Bank has just indicated), and cutting the territories into isolated Bantustans - Israel is making a Palestinian state look like a remote dream.
Further, it is making the Palestinian ordinary life unbearable "encouraging" more people to immigrate. The Palestinian citizens of Israel are being asked to join this man-made reality. Just to be asked again to leave.
Of course, the knee-jerk reaction to this last argument by Israeli apologists is: "Israel will withdraw when Palestinian violence ends." This argument does not take into account that the original sin is the occupation itself and that resistance is a natural historical outcome. It does not also answer the question of building colonies and sending more Jewish settlers. It does not as well answer the question why Israel did not withdraw from the Golan Heights.
For four decades, the Syrian-Israeli ceasefire line has been among the most quiet in the world and yet there is no intention to withdraw on Israel's part; on the contrary - its colonies are flourishing. In the last year we saw how Israel turns its back to a Syrian invitation for negotiations. Finally, this argument also attempts vainly to present Israel as a victim, as reacting to events, with no political agency.
The argument "you can leave", however, is not only amusing and ironic. It is also alarming. First, it serves to justify the institutionalised discrimination against the native population. "You think it is bad? We can make it worse," or "You can have it worse elsewhere, so sit quietly." In this Zionist perspective the Palestinian is an unwelcomed and unwanted guest. As a guest the Palestinian should behave, otherwise the citizenship status will be stripped. As a guest in his homeland, the Palestinian is expected to be thankful for the leftovers of rights that the new masters of the land might grant him.
Second it is not just an argument; it is also the basis for serious policy proposals by cabinet ministers, public opinion makers and members of the Israeli parliament. There is a long list of influential politicians, academics and journalists who have proposed variations of "exchange of lands" or "exchange of populations" or even expulsion with the purpose of getting rid of the native citizens and enhancing the Jewish ethnic and ideological character of the state. Two-thirds of the Jewish majority in recent years expressed its demand from the government to "encourage" the Palestinian citizens to emigrate. And one-third of the Jewish Israelis support the expulsion of Palestinian citizens.
These proposals are part of the conception that the Palestinian citizens are a "demographic threat". A Jewish state entails the maintenance of a solid Jewish majority. Therefore, it cannot coexist with a large Palestinian minority. It has been and will always be - so long as it is defined as such - concerned by how many Arabs and Jews were born in a certain year. Every newly-born Palestinian child inside Israel is a direct threat to the demographic equation. That's why serious and prestigious institutions and conferences (such as the Herzliya Conference, the Demographic Centre, the Public Council for Demography) convene to discuss how this demographic threat should be "contained".
That's why Benny Morris lamented (including in the Guardian) the fact that Ben-Gurion did not complete his project of expulsion of the natives in 1948.
The existence of Palestinian citizens in a Jewish and Zionist state reveals the inherent contradiction of the Zionist project: you cannot have a Jewish supremacy and claim that you are democratic because you do not propose equal and universal citizenship.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
I'm talking 'bout my friend George
i got an email from George the other day
I was chuffed
the second one in a month or something
now thats surprising
he's living in Taiwan of all places
last i heard he had returnd to the vaterland
to speak francais without the hook
he certainly is a man of mystery
hes married now of course
and has a daughter
i bet shes pretty
it is hard to imagine him wombling the streets of taipei
his all action army scar giving the willies to the kids
mumbling about something
getting all arsey at naughty not chinese kids
i wonder if hes got his mandarin down pat
George always liked patting things
George of the surfboard trailer on the back of the bike
chuffing of down the Gower
scarcely credible if he asked me
George of the birthday trip to Alton Towers
George of the insane blonde hair
the very first tennis ball
George of the honestly coming to visit in the Dordogne
George of the just about to come down to Genova
George of the exceptional crapness
George of the worlds ugliest skoda
George the worst Aussie accent impersonation in history
Struth you George
George of the accommodation provision in Brixton
George of the quiet chat over a guiness or 3 somewhere in central London
safe from the insane hustle outside
George of driest humour
George of the Swiss passport
George of the nose picking
George on the end of another cymbeline battering
George of the Thai restaurant in Salisbury
George of the unmentionables
George had a plan
George may have already been a man
and now the fool is living in Taiwan!
I was chuffed
the second one in a month or something
now thats surprising
he's living in Taiwan of all places
last i heard he had returnd to the vaterland
to speak francais without the hook
he certainly is a man of mystery
hes married now of course
and has a daughter
i bet shes pretty
it is hard to imagine him wombling the streets of taipei
his all action army scar giving the willies to the kids
mumbling about something
getting all arsey at naughty not chinese kids
i wonder if hes got his mandarin down pat
George always liked patting things
George of the surfboard trailer on the back of the bike
chuffing of down the Gower
scarcely credible if he asked me
George of the birthday trip to Alton Towers
George of the insane blonde hair
the very first tennis ball
George of the honestly coming to visit in the Dordogne
George of the just about to come down to Genova
George of the exceptional crapness
George of the worlds ugliest skoda
George the worst Aussie accent impersonation in history
Struth you George
George of the accommodation provision in Brixton
George of the quiet chat over a guiness or 3 somewhere in central London
safe from the insane hustle outside
George of driest humour
George of the Swiss passport
George of the nose picking
George on the end of another cymbeline battering
George of the Thai restaurant in Salisbury
George of the unmentionables
George had a plan
George may have already been a man
and now the fool is living in Taiwan!
Saturday, May 19, 2007
you, yes you
this is about you
not him
or her
its about you
not about missing apostrophes
or spelling errors
i cant be arsed about that
trevor didnt rate a mention
not to mention boris
whoops he just did
fancy being the topic of the least read blog in the place
dont let it go to your head
dont go and get all carried away about it
it doesnt signify any thing much
a blog couldnt signify nowt
even my devoted love blog to catherine amounted to nothing
she didnt even look at it
too busy living the whackiest life in engerland
juicy did see her devotion lite
that was touching
knowing juicy it was probably all about touching
pervy cow
but this is not about catherine or juicy
its about you
you know who you are
you know what you are wearing
you know what it feels like when your smalls ruck up
stop it now
theres no point in carrying on about it
put that thing down
he doesnt have a paper bag to call beatmeupvis
she never shat a satsuma
or is that tsatsuma
wrestling
but who are you theatre?
and neither do you theatre
something about vanessa redgrave
digression is not available on beck and call
you know why you sit that way
why your back arches when you think naughty things
how your seat winds you down
why the riddle of the nuts
and why not
where that scar came from
and the fact that you have a smole mole in that rather intimate of places
and why that dream about the man in the pink suit disturbs you so
only you can tell me that
except there are no words to communicate these things
words fail you
dreams and fears
thats what its all about
not him
or her
its about you
not about missing apostrophes
or spelling errors
i cant be arsed about that
trevor didnt rate a mention
not to mention boris
whoops he just did
fancy being the topic of the least read blog in the place
dont let it go to your head
dont go and get all carried away about it
it doesnt signify any thing much
a blog couldnt signify nowt
even my devoted love blog to catherine amounted to nothing
she didnt even look at it
too busy living the whackiest life in engerland
juicy did see her devotion lite
that was touching
knowing juicy it was probably all about touching
pervy cow
but this is not about catherine or juicy
its about you
you know who you are
you know what you are wearing
you know what it feels like when your smalls ruck up
stop it now
theres no point in carrying on about it
put that thing down
he doesnt have a paper bag to call beatmeupvis
she never shat a satsuma
or is that tsatsuma
wrestling
but who are you theatre?
and neither do you theatre
something about vanessa redgrave
digression is not available on beck and call
you know why you sit that way
why your back arches when you think naughty things
how your seat winds you down
why the riddle of the nuts
and why not
where that scar came from
and the fact that you have a smole mole in that rather intimate of places
and why that dream about the man in the pink suit disturbs you so
only you can tell me that
except there are no words to communicate these things
words fail you
dreams and fears
thats what its all about
Friday, May 18, 2007
Thursday, May 17, 2007
guffaw guffaw
in case you think that this might be made up: www.pompino.co.nz
People in new zealand are pretty smart...
People in new zealand are pretty smart...
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Sports and leshure activities free
Croquet; constipated idiots with big mallets biff a ball at an oversized paperclip. Cucumber sandwiches and tea anyone? Possibly not bad if you are really, really drunk. 1/10
Lacrosse; possibly a figment of someones imagination. Or maybe it's Canadian, regardless it's just pants. 1/10
Cycling; like motorcycling, but with less motor. Big races on roads are quite spectacular but the drugs are rubbish, no buzz at all. BMX bandits was bollocks. Pink t-shirts can be manly.5/10
Table tennis; clear off the dinner, its time to belt crap out of a big rice bubble. not too be taken seriously unless you can use chopsticks with your arms behind your back.4/10
Darts; the most drunken game available. fat old english blokes quaff beer and smoke fags and throw pointy things at the wall. Some bloke shouts One hundred and eeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiighty! 6/10
Dwarf Throwing; that's just not nice now is it? 0/10
Skiing; More bits of wood with people standing on them. Often going particularly fast down the side of a mountain. Spettacolare! 7/10
Luge/skelebones; lie down and hurtle down a big icy pole. Get a bit to comfy with somebody of the same gender. Hopefully fall off at great speed. 6/10
Ski jumping; like skiing, except no turning, just flying off a big ramp. great to look at, but is it really a sport? 6/10
Rock climbing; climbing on rocks, with special appeal no nerds who find fake rocks in doors and climb on them.2/10
Boxing; either a sport of gods, a true test of strength and courage or just 2 muscle brained fools beating each other up. The champion is.... nobody knows because there are 14 different championships. 4/10
Wrestling; i think they greeks invented it, but then again they invented gay homsexuality. wriggle squirm and pull faces.3/10
Paragliding; a big coathanger with sticky tape holding a human dangling underneath in a cotton condom. might be fab, might be fatal.And isnt the view so lovely.5/10
Curling; yes they were taking the piss, only invented so england could win something. you need some brooms, some ice and to keep a straight face.1/10
Sumo wrestling; see normal wrestling, except with salt, chopsticks in your hair and really, really big fat blokes stamping their feet in an effort to adjust their nappies. 8/10
Water skiing; boats and sticks. possibly exhilarating if you can stand up, watch out for logs and crocodiles.3/10
Horse racing; cruel and inhumane,and that's just to the little blokes onboard. they are made to wear shiny pyjamas and beat up horses. The horses run like buggery and then get a bit of grass when they win. The owners get loads of wonga. A magnet for corrupt nob ends and dressy uppy posey twats.1/10
Lacrosse; possibly a figment of someones imagination. Or maybe it's Canadian, regardless it's just pants. 1/10
Cycling; like motorcycling, but with less motor. Big races on roads are quite spectacular but the drugs are rubbish, no buzz at all. BMX bandits was bollocks. Pink t-shirts can be manly.5/10
Table tennis; clear off the dinner, its time to belt crap out of a big rice bubble. not too be taken seriously unless you can use chopsticks with your arms behind your back.4/10
Darts; the most drunken game available. fat old english blokes quaff beer and smoke fags and throw pointy things at the wall. Some bloke shouts One hundred and eeeeeeeeiiiiiiiiiiiiighty! 6/10
Dwarf Throwing; that's just not nice now is it? 0/10
Skiing; More bits of wood with people standing on them. Often going particularly fast down the side of a mountain. Spettacolare! 7/10
Luge/skelebones; lie down and hurtle down a big icy pole. Get a bit to comfy with somebody of the same gender. Hopefully fall off at great speed. 6/10
Ski jumping; like skiing, except no turning, just flying off a big ramp. great to look at, but is it really a sport? 6/10
Rock climbing; climbing on rocks, with special appeal no nerds who find fake rocks in doors and climb on them.2/10
Boxing; either a sport of gods, a true test of strength and courage or just 2 muscle brained fools beating each other up. The champion is.... nobody knows because there are 14 different championships. 4/10
Wrestling; i think they greeks invented it, but then again they invented gay homsexuality. wriggle squirm and pull faces.3/10
Paragliding; a big coathanger with sticky tape holding a human dangling underneath in a cotton condom. might be fab, might be fatal.And isnt the view so lovely.5/10
Curling; yes they were taking the piss, only invented so england could win something. you need some brooms, some ice and to keep a straight face.1/10
Sumo wrestling; see normal wrestling, except with salt, chopsticks in your hair and really, really big fat blokes stamping their feet in an effort to adjust their nappies. 8/10
Water skiing; boats and sticks. possibly exhilarating if you can stand up, watch out for logs and crocodiles.3/10
Horse racing; cruel and inhumane,and that's just to the little blokes onboard. they are made to wear shiny pyjamas and beat up horses. The horses run like buggery and then get a bit of grass when they win. The owners get loads of wonga. A magnet for corrupt nob ends and dressy uppy posey twats.1/10
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Sports and leshure activities too
Soccerball; blokes running around and not scoring very often. remind you of anyone? An awful lot falling over and pretending to be hurt. In certain cultures an inordinate amount of hair fixing too.8/10
Motor Racing; people going around and around on bits of machinery with wheels on them. Often very speedily and often very boganly. alain prost was extremely cool.7/10
Pool/Billiards/Snooker; lots of poking balls on green felt with big sticks. also involves an awful lot of standing around and some bloke sounding very serious and whispery.6/10
Netball; ladies running on a basketball court wearing girly bibs with playing statues as soon as you get the ball. Mysteriously the ball cannot be bounced and you can't run with it. Basketball without the interesting bits.3/10
Cricket; vastly confusing. nothing actually happens. extreme amounts of standing around and a ball and a bat. the rules include silly mid wickets,deep long legs, extra covers and slips. Umpires must be able to stand on one leg ralph maccio style.5/10
Athletics-Track; people running a lot. sometimes fast, sometimes slow. sometimes they jump sometimes they don't. The general rule being, short races are won by big black people and long races are won by small black people. Running birds have scary stomach muscles.5/10
Athletics-Field; a wide variety of people hurling themselves or other objects into/over and generally at things. the hammer doesnt look like a hammer, the shot is just a big old convict ball and the pole vault looks like nothing on earth. High jumpers are very tall and skinny and triple jumpers are just muppets who like skipping.4/10
Softball; a girlier and wussier version of baseball, what's the fucking point? 2/10
Rounders; is to baseball what newcomb is to volleyball, just plain stupid. makes softball seem riveting. good for people with no legs whatsoever.1/10
t-ball; how low can you get? rounders for people with no legs and working on brain stem only. almost as bad as rugby league 0.1/10
badminton; very sweaty tennis like game. dainty little racquets and a cutesy wutesy shuttlecock.Surprisingly fun as you can really beat up the cutesy wutesy shuttlecock.7/10
Squash; tennis played in an oversized toilet cubicle. loads of squeaking and it sore bottoms are inevitable. 6/10
Sailing; a super idea for a bit of 'relax'. Not intended for faffing about and racing as such, far more effective than most sleeping pills. Do not watch while driving or mix with alcohol. you may die of boredom. Also; attracts rich wankers
Rowing; great concept, shit in practice. loads of people with bits of wood, sitting in one skinny bit of wood, shaking their bits of wood about in unison. ends up being quite a drag as every simply MUST take it awfully seriously and are horrid rich prats.
Motor Racing; people going around and around on bits of machinery with wheels on them. Often very speedily and often very boganly. alain prost was extremely cool.7/10
Pool/Billiards/Snooker; lots of poking balls on green felt with big sticks. also involves an awful lot of standing around and some bloke sounding very serious and whispery.6/10
Netball; ladies running on a basketball court wearing girly bibs with playing statues as soon as you get the ball. Mysteriously the ball cannot be bounced and you can't run with it. Basketball without the interesting bits.3/10
Cricket; vastly confusing. nothing actually happens. extreme amounts of standing around and a ball and a bat. the rules include silly mid wickets,deep long legs, extra covers and slips. Umpires must be able to stand on one leg ralph maccio style.5/10
Athletics-Track; people running a lot. sometimes fast, sometimes slow. sometimes they jump sometimes they don't. The general rule being, short races are won by big black people and long races are won by small black people. Running birds have scary stomach muscles.5/10
Athletics-Field; a wide variety of people hurling themselves or other objects into/over and generally at things. the hammer doesnt look like a hammer, the shot is just a big old convict ball and the pole vault looks like nothing on earth. High jumpers are very tall and skinny and triple jumpers are just muppets who like skipping.4/10
Softball; a girlier and wussier version of baseball, what's the fucking point? 2/10
Rounders; is to baseball what newcomb is to volleyball, just plain stupid. makes softball seem riveting. good for people with no legs whatsoever.1/10
t-ball; how low can you get? rounders for people with no legs and working on brain stem only. almost as bad as rugby league 0.1/10
badminton; very sweaty tennis like game. dainty little racquets and a cutesy wutesy shuttlecock.Surprisingly fun as you can really beat up the cutesy wutesy shuttlecock.7/10
Squash; tennis played in an oversized toilet cubicle. loads of squeaking and it sore bottoms are inevitable. 6/10
Sailing; a super idea for a bit of 'relax'. Not intended for faffing about and racing as such, far more effective than most sleeping pills. Do not watch while driving or mix with alcohol. you may die of boredom. Also; attracts rich wankers
Rowing; great concept, shit in practice. loads of people with bits of wood, sitting in one skinny bit of wood, shaking their bits of wood about in unison. ends up being quite a drag as every simply MUST take it awfully seriously and are horrid rich prats.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Sports and leshure activities
Tennis; Bungholes in shorts hit a small ball at eachother,vaguely entertaining if one can be bothered concentrating and if opponents are equally matched. 3/10
AFL; Bungholes in small shorts kick etc a funny shaped ball at eachother; fast, furious but a bit funny looking.5/10
Petanque/Bocce/Boules; Pretty groovy game of throwing/rolling shiny balls at another ball on gravel. Don't ask Erik to differentiate if you don't want to hear the word cazzo.7/10
Lawn Bowls; Rubbish old persons game involves rolling spheres fare away and then changing your nappy. Petanque/Bocce/Boules without the good bits.1/10
Handball; who bloody knows? something about a hand and ball, maybe a bit like squash, maybe not. apparently big in some country called europe. 2/10
Rugby Union; fat blokes crunch into eachother while other blokes fanny about. Really quite dire except if you live in Wales, then its alright. 2/10
Rugby League; Fat blokes crunch into eachother. basta. really quite dire unless you have no brain at all. no redeeming features except some wankers get beaten up. 0/10
Ice Hockey; something about ice and hockey, Swedes seem to like it. Good violence and high speed crunching into eachother. Aggro blokes whizzing about with big sticks. good idea. 5/10
Grass Hockey; Like the above but on grass, slower and less violent. crap game, usually played by prats. 2/10
Tiddlywinks; better than rugby league.1/10
Shooting; Stupid idea for a sport, shoot a flying bit of cow dung or a target over there. undoubtedly will help the furtherment of the human race.1/10
Surfing; Occasionally standing up on some wood in the water, compulsive talking about it afterwards to other lobotomised people. good birds tho.3/10
Skateboarding; Occasionally standing up on a bit of wood on wheels, compulsive talking about it afterwards to other lobotomised teens. listening to shouty music obbligatorio.2/10
Rollerblading/Rollerskating; moving around on boots with wheels on them. Good idea except has magnetic attraction for enormous posey twats. 1/10
Swimming; Waving your arms and legs about wildly backwards and forwards for a pre-determined amount of distance or until you knock yourself unconscious. Kind of fun, but not really.5/10
Diving; Hurling yourself off various bouncy and not bits of stuff into water. A bit rascist really, but cool when that bloke smashed his head off with aids.4/10
Water Polo; groups of people wearing girly hats smashing eachother in the bits underwater while pretending to swim after a ball. 3/10 (but i wouldnt tell them)
Horsey Polo: Hassling a horse while waving a stick around at a golf ball. Exclusive domain of enormous rich arseholes. Cool people park their horses with the arse facing the field and sit there til the end. 1/10
Polo Mints; not bad, leave with fresh breath. 6/10
Golf; toodling about a big park with sticks and being cranky at a white spotty ball. Can be quite relaxing, but mostly bloody annoying. 6/10
Volleyball; teams of fit amazon birds bounce around a lot, other things might go on involving a ball. 6/10
Beach Volleyball; Something lost on transferral to beach. blokes in tiny speedos and birds in tinier bikinis hurl themselves around and look very serious. 4/10
Newcomb; Just plain stupid.0/10
Baseball; blokes in pyjamas take turns to try and fail to hit a ball. Very american and very boring (surprise)2/10
Basketball; Big black blokes run around and bash into eachother and inevitably throw a ball into a net. makes you wonder why. Loads of ridiculous rules about when you stick your tongue in the opponents ear and why not? 5/10
GridIron; God I hate americans.big black blokes all covered with tampons crunch into eachother and then everybody stops, repeat for who knows how many minutes. 3/10
AFL; Bungholes in small shorts kick etc a funny shaped ball at eachother; fast, furious but a bit funny looking.5/10
Petanque/Bocce/Boules; Pretty groovy game of throwing/rolling shiny balls at another ball on gravel. Don't ask Erik to differentiate if you don't want to hear the word cazzo.7/10
Lawn Bowls; Rubbish old persons game involves rolling spheres fare away and then changing your nappy. Petanque/Bocce/Boules without the good bits.1/10
Handball; who bloody knows? something about a hand and ball, maybe a bit like squash, maybe not. apparently big in some country called europe. 2/10
Rugby Union; fat blokes crunch into eachother while other blokes fanny about. Really quite dire except if you live in Wales, then its alright. 2/10
Rugby League; Fat blokes crunch into eachother. basta. really quite dire unless you have no brain at all. no redeeming features except some wankers get beaten up. 0/10
Ice Hockey; something about ice and hockey, Swedes seem to like it. Good violence and high speed crunching into eachother. Aggro blokes whizzing about with big sticks. good idea. 5/10
Grass Hockey; Like the above but on grass, slower and less violent. crap game, usually played by prats. 2/10
Tiddlywinks; better than rugby league.1/10
Shooting; Stupid idea for a sport, shoot a flying bit of cow dung or a target over there. undoubtedly will help the furtherment of the human race.1/10
Surfing; Occasionally standing up on some wood in the water, compulsive talking about it afterwards to other lobotomised people. good birds tho.3/10
Skateboarding; Occasionally standing up on a bit of wood on wheels, compulsive talking about it afterwards to other lobotomised teens. listening to shouty music obbligatorio.2/10
Rollerblading/Rollerskating; moving around on boots with wheels on them. Good idea except has magnetic attraction for enormous posey twats. 1/10
Swimming; Waving your arms and legs about wildly backwards and forwards for a pre-determined amount of distance or until you knock yourself unconscious. Kind of fun, but not really.5/10
Diving; Hurling yourself off various bouncy and not bits of stuff into water. A bit rascist really, but cool when that bloke smashed his head off with aids.4/10
Water Polo; groups of people wearing girly hats smashing eachother in the bits underwater while pretending to swim after a ball. 3/10 (but i wouldnt tell them)
Horsey Polo: Hassling a horse while waving a stick around at a golf ball. Exclusive domain of enormous rich arseholes. Cool people park their horses with the arse facing the field and sit there til the end. 1/10
Polo Mints; not bad, leave with fresh breath. 6/10
Golf; toodling about a big park with sticks and being cranky at a white spotty ball. Can be quite relaxing, but mostly bloody annoying. 6/10
Volleyball; teams of fit amazon birds bounce around a lot, other things might go on involving a ball. 6/10
Beach Volleyball; Something lost on transferral to beach. blokes in tiny speedos and birds in tinier bikinis hurl themselves around and look very serious. 4/10
Newcomb; Just plain stupid.0/10
Baseball; blokes in pyjamas take turns to try and fail to hit a ball. Very american and very boring (surprise)2/10
Basketball; Big black blokes run around and bash into eachother and inevitably throw a ball into a net. makes you wonder why. Loads of ridiculous rules about when you stick your tongue in the opponents ear and why not? 5/10
GridIron; God I hate americans.big black blokes all covered with tampons crunch into eachother and then everybody stops, repeat for who knows how many minutes. 3/10
Sunday, May 13, 2007
Saturday, May 12, 2007
the human rice
the human rice was invented by dog
about 45 months back now
dog was watching grande hermano on telly
it were rubbish
big bog boris had just busted a move on treetop trellis
it hadnt gone down at all well
name calling such as slimeball has ensued
and the vulcan volcano
the one with the big ears
kept spitting on plain jane
all rather predictable thought dog
maybe i should make my first letter a capital?
no, then nobody would ever take me seriously
especially not those monotheistic prats
gits with long sideburns and big coats
twats praying to a stone 12 times a day
nob ends singing songs about some still born fool child that i never spawned
sod it
let them all blow each other up with sticks
in my mane
so it came to pass that the human rice was invented by dog
it was only a touch less stupid than a young liberal
but with MUCH less prejudice
the human rice was long grain
with no fabbo added yellow bits
not mad at all about saffron
it rolled around the erf
and practiced cannabilism
it built great temples
and some rubbish ones made out of aloooominum too
it erected statues of dog in its own image
even though secretly atheistic
it kept a wide berth of curry and chili
not to mention those evil icky eels
he sought companship in basmati
and was rebuffed
fucking snobs
it courted a bird called jasmine
she smelt super
at least virtually
and got nowhere in inter racial dialogue with long brown man
downhearted and feeling oh so alone
it tried to invent science
to get up dog's trouser legs
nope, its all hocus pocus
tried to start wars
but nobody paid attention
as it was only a grain of rice
to small to be taken seriously
even with that stupid slug balanced delicately on its upper volta
it discovered a wheel
but he kept getting squashed sooner or later
and was just about to discover the meaning of rice life
when some butthead munched him down in a bowl with bits of egg and bacon
about 45 months back now
dog was watching grande hermano on telly
it were rubbish
big bog boris had just busted a move on treetop trellis
it hadnt gone down at all well
name calling such as slimeball has ensued
and the vulcan volcano
the one with the big ears
kept spitting on plain jane
all rather predictable thought dog
maybe i should make my first letter a capital?
no, then nobody would ever take me seriously
especially not those monotheistic prats
gits with long sideburns and big coats
twats praying to a stone 12 times a day
nob ends singing songs about some still born fool child that i never spawned
sod it
let them all blow each other up with sticks
in my mane
so it came to pass that the human rice was invented by dog
it was only a touch less stupid than a young liberal
but with MUCH less prejudice
the human rice was long grain
with no fabbo added yellow bits
not mad at all about saffron
it rolled around the erf
and practiced cannabilism
it built great temples
and some rubbish ones made out of aloooominum too
it erected statues of dog in its own image
even though secretly atheistic
it kept a wide berth of curry and chili
not to mention those evil icky eels
he sought companship in basmati
and was rebuffed
fucking snobs
it courted a bird called jasmine
she smelt super
at least virtually
and got nowhere in inter racial dialogue with long brown man
downhearted and feeling oh so alone
it tried to invent science
to get up dog's trouser legs
nope, its all hocus pocus
tried to start wars
but nobody paid attention
as it was only a grain of rice
to small to be taken seriously
even with that stupid slug balanced delicately on its upper volta
it discovered a wheel
but he kept getting squashed sooner or later
and was just about to discover the meaning of rice life
when some butthead munched him down in a bowl with bits of egg and bacon
Thursday, May 10, 2007
sparring with the (little) man
dont give anything away now
dont let them in
it could be used against you
de fences up
interrogation number bloody
oh what joy
harry is here to help
like fuck
oh, hang on
maybe she is
take no chances
hold the line
let nothing give
a line of questioning
another line of questioning
what do they really want?
is it another evil ploy?
or could it be a good soul
trying to do the right thing?
mental agility pushed to the limit
lucky ive got plenty
amongst the clouds
defiance and indignation
where do they get off?
find the stop and burn it down
scorchiod earth
vengeance upon bad fuckers
2 hours of power
get inside my mind
i bloody dare you
try it on
outsmart the master of sarcasm
too clever by half for a professional
at unhinged age 12
patti smith wouldve been proud
so bring on the next puppet
a hand firmly rammed from below
ever danced with the maggot in the pale matchlight?
dead bats everywhere
are you really here to help?
could it truly be possible?
the hippocratic oaf my arse
sell your soul for a few small beans
like a bow tied twat
filthy little man
did my nifty gothic two step
and astute grape picking
stand in my own way?
trust no-one
look how far it'd gets you
2 years and counting of shafting
whats chance of good intention
kick the fuck out of them while down
at least give it a good hard try
whoops whats this?
a good hard kicked back
i will kick my backside off
a point of principle
even if
in the end of the day it ends in nowt
they will fucking sweat it
and the leeches will earn
but fucked if i will fold
a faceless beaurocracy
soulless in the extreme
the structural incarnation of the culture of me
it's fine
it's legal
morals have no part to play
nobody can be held accountable
every tool just doing their job
manipulate most of the fools some of the time
with fear, prejudice and lies
years of power
but a legacy of shit
theres no glory where you are going
the future will see you as nothing more than an aberration
a nasty little smear
step outside coward howard
insipid worm
you made the ultimate impersonal super personal
insignificant pustule
dont let them in
it could be used against you
de fences up
interrogation number bloody
oh what joy
harry is here to help
like fuck
oh, hang on
maybe she is
take no chances
hold the line
let nothing give
a line of questioning
another line of questioning
what do they really want?
is it another evil ploy?
or could it be a good soul
trying to do the right thing?
mental agility pushed to the limit
lucky ive got plenty
amongst the clouds
defiance and indignation
where do they get off?
find the stop and burn it down
scorchiod earth
vengeance upon bad fuckers
2 hours of power
get inside my mind
i bloody dare you
try it on
outsmart the master of sarcasm
too clever by half for a professional
at unhinged age 12
patti smith wouldve been proud
so bring on the next puppet
a hand firmly rammed from below
ever danced with the maggot in the pale matchlight?
dead bats everywhere
are you really here to help?
could it truly be possible?
the hippocratic oaf my arse
sell your soul for a few small beans
like a bow tied twat
filthy little man
did my nifty gothic two step
and astute grape picking
stand in my own way?
trust no-one
look how far it'd gets you
2 years and counting of shafting
whats chance of good intention
kick the fuck out of them while down
at least give it a good hard try
whoops whats this?
a good hard kicked back
i will kick my backside off
a point of principle
even if
in the end of the day it ends in nowt
they will fucking sweat it
and the leeches will earn
but fucked if i will fold
a faceless beaurocracy
soulless in the extreme
the structural incarnation of the culture of me
it's fine
it's legal
morals have no part to play
nobody can be held accountable
every tool just doing their job
manipulate most of the fools some of the time
with fear, prejudice and lies
years of power
but a legacy of shit
theres no glory where you are going
the future will see you as nothing more than an aberration
a nasty little smear
step outside coward howard
insipid worm
you made the ultimate impersonal super personal
insignificant pustule
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
loving living laughing funning life-ing
I love my friends, my wine and laughing!
love to laugh
have a good time and plenty of laughs.
Fun loving girl who enjoys life!
fun & likes a laugh!
have some fun and enjoy life.
and enjoys life!
love to laugh and generally have fun!
who loves to have a laugh
Fun, easy going looking for lots of laughs, good times
Love nothing more than a good laugh, a good drink and a good time!!!
Could Lionel have been right??
Life just keeps getting better
Enjoys a laugh and a chat
good company and someone who enjoys a laugh!
Friends, fun, laughter and good times
Love a laugh
I love life!! I'm easy going and love just hanging out and being around friends
down to earth person who enjoys life
Life is short... live it to the max!
a few laughs and good times!!!
Love to Laugh.
enjoys going out with friends and enjoying life.
Well im a fun loving
and having a fun time,
Happy, friendly .........
love a good laugh..
You only live once
Laughter is the best drug!
believes that life is about living!
knows how to enjoy life if you think we can have a laugh
Life is what you make it..
to share fun times
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
Living life to the fullest is my motto
Fun loving
good conversations and good times.... and love a laugh.
Fun, loving, honest, dte, loves to smile, and a good time...
share in the laughter.
I'm a person who enjoys fun
I am looking for a fun
Live life to the extreme!
I'm always up for a laugh
always looking for a laugh
If your looking for fun you've come to the right place.
Life is too short to sit on the sideline…
Life's an adventure,are you ready to join
I’m a balanced person who enjoys having fun
Fun, friendly and easy going... I like a good laugh!
you only live once!!!
I'm just looking for fun and good times
who absolutely loves life, people
Life's to short to have regrets
who knows how to have fun.
Always living life to the fullest!!
I'm Always up for a bit of Fun!!!
Love to Laugh
Not afraid to have fun.
It's all about having fun...
always bubbly/fun
and enjoys a good laugh
looking to have a great time
embraces life to the fullest
trying to get the most out of life.
Life is short so enjoy!
I'm a fun loving...
Are you easy going and fun?
Easy going and love a laugh!!
live life to the fullest
Life is too short not to try something!
down to earth and love a good laugh
I am a funloving and optimistic person
Take a chance...Live life!!!
I am happy go lucky
Happy, fun,
out to have a good time
Friendly...easy going...fun!
have an interesting conversation and a laugh?
Slightly scatty and fun
Without sounding like a cliche...I love my life!
Easy going, fun loving.........
I'm all about having fun, a good laugh, and taking life as it comes.
a little cheeky...and love to laugh
easy going, friendly, athletic, loves to laugh
have fun doing it!
The time for living is now
BASTA!!!
love to laugh
have a good time and plenty of laughs.
Fun loving girl who enjoys life!
fun & likes a laugh!
have some fun and enjoy life.
and enjoys life!
love to laugh and generally have fun!
who loves to have a laugh
Fun, easy going looking for lots of laughs, good times
Love nothing more than a good laugh, a good drink and a good time!!!
Could Lionel have been right??
Life just keeps getting better
Enjoys a laugh and a chat
good company and someone who enjoys a laugh!
Friends, fun, laughter and good times
Love a laugh
I love life!! I'm easy going and love just hanging out and being around friends
down to earth person who enjoys life
Life is short... live it to the max!
a few laughs and good times!!!
Love to Laugh.
enjoys going out with friends and enjoying life.
Well im a fun loving
and having a fun time,
Happy, friendly .........
love a good laugh..
You only live once
Laughter is the best drug!
believes that life is about living!
knows how to enjoy life if you think we can have a laugh
Life is what you make it..
to share fun times
ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIFE
Living life to the fullest is my motto
Fun loving
good conversations and good times.... and love a laugh.
Fun, loving, honest, dte, loves to smile, and a good time...
share in the laughter.
I'm a person who enjoys fun
I am looking for a fun
Live life to the extreme!
I'm always up for a laugh
always looking for a laugh
If your looking for fun you've come to the right place.
Life is too short to sit on the sideline…
Life's an adventure,are you ready to join
I’m a balanced person who enjoys having fun
Fun, friendly and easy going... I like a good laugh!
you only live once!!!
I'm just looking for fun and good times
who absolutely loves life, people
Life's to short to have regrets
who knows how to have fun.
Always living life to the fullest!!
I'm Always up for a bit of Fun!!!
Love to Laugh
Not afraid to have fun.
It's all about having fun...
always bubbly/fun
and enjoys a good laugh
looking to have a great time
embraces life to the fullest
trying to get the most out of life.
Life is short so enjoy!
I'm a fun loving...
Are you easy going and fun?
Easy going and love a laugh!!
live life to the fullest
Life is too short not to try something!
down to earth and love a good laugh
I am a funloving and optimistic person
Take a chance...Live life!!!
I am happy go lucky
Happy, fun,
out to have a good time
Friendly...easy going...fun!
have an interesting conversation and a laugh?
Slightly scatty and fun
Without sounding like a cliche...I love my life!
Easy going, fun loving.........
I'm all about having fun, a good laugh, and taking life as it comes.
a little cheeky...and love to laugh
easy going, friendly, athletic, loves to laugh
have fun doing it!
The time for living is now
BASTA!!!
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Dan Dan Dan
swearing is good for you
just look
fuck
shit
bollocks
arse
maggoty
cunt
clint
bloody
big jobs
crap
turd
bastard head
tossface
buggery bottom burp
prickhead bungsnap
wanker
god is a poof
gay homosexual ute
look its the door
vaffunculo
big rotten
stronzo
cazzo di merda di puttana
jesus in naily boots in the valley of goat death
pig god
fucking pig god! stupid bastard breath insult
vaffanculo
i think you should go to church today
assssmunch
beavis
suckwhole lemon butt freak nose nad
oh fuck off
right in the ear
tregua di merda
yeah yeah yeah
shit music
musica del cazzo
vacanze anale
bring me a seat
and not your bloody seat
rectal disfunction
dystopian stronzo for brains
just look
fuck
shit
bollocks
arse
maggoty
cunt
clint
bloody
big jobs
crap
turd
bastard head
tossface
buggery bottom burp
prickhead bungsnap
wanker
god is a poof
gay homosexual ute
look its the door
vaffunculo
big rotten
stronzo
cazzo di merda di puttana
jesus in naily boots in the valley of goat death
pig god
fucking pig god! stupid bastard breath insult
vaffanculo
i think you should go to church today
assssmunch
beavis
suckwhole lemon butt freak nose nad
oh fuck off
right in the ear
tregua di merda
yeah yeah yeah
shit music
musica del cazzo
vacanze anale
bring me a seat
and not your bloody seat
rectal disfunction
dystopian stronzo for brains
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Copacobana......
Well, I knew a guy
He topped the lot
He wouldn't publish his profile on RSVP
That's all I can think of for now.......
He topped the lot
He wouldn't publish his profile on RSVP
That's all I can think of for now.......
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Monday, April 30, 2007
cafe limbo mimbo
this just in last week
limbo doesn't exist any more
dammit what am i going to do now?
that really is a blow
i was so hoping to get there and hang out for a bit
as i haven't been battistutad
it could have been a larf
me and all those poor ickle infants
not to mention how many billion infidels
i was just warming to the idea
and then poof
it simply ceases to exist
just coz some git in a white dress says so
fair play to him
at least he said it an groovy language
allora, first there was limbo
on which i was just about to
base my entire outlook on life/death
it was integral
but now its not
its gone
it was deemed uncool
how can a place exist
and then just cease to exist?
imagine if you could do that with earthly realms
boronia no longer exists
bogon bastardi
coz i said it when wearing my dress
ciao ciao new zealand
what ARE you on about?
get bent adelaide
and stop fucking saying ay all the fucking time
whoops there goes large chunks of 'god bless america'
no explanation required
unfortunately for all those superior french people
france didnt make the cut
anywhere where a horrid little worm man might be found
well that will cease to exist
and he fall into a big pit of nasty stuff
the grounds of the ex ringwood high school
scum dwellers
jakana has gone
it may have never been there at all...
and unfortunately for 1 billion odd people
india isnt there any more
camel made me do it
a thousand apologies
and beavis' butt
the world will be a much better place without reginald
and for the the coup of grace
israel is gone
it was a stupid idea in the first place
guilt will make people and nations do ridiculous things
but where to put a few million people?
no more napalm
no more cia
no more wounded knee
no more really really old oranges
limbo doesn't exist any more
dammit what am i going to do now?
that really is a blow
i was so hoping to get there and hang out for a bit
as i haven't been battistutad
it could have been a larf
me and all those poor ickle infants
not to mention how many billion infidels
i was just warming to the idea
and then poof
it simply ceases to exist
just coz some git in a white dress says so
fair play to him
at least he said it an groovy language
allora, first there was limbo
on which i was just about to
base my entire outlook on life/death
it was integral
but now its not
its gone
it was deemed uncool
how can a place exist
and then just cease to exist?
imagine if you could do that with earthly realms
boronia no longer exists
bogon bastardi
coz i said it when wearing my dress
ciao ciao new zealand
what ARE you on about?
get bent adelaide
and stop fucking saying ay all the fucking time
whoops there goes large chunks of 'god bless america'
no explanation required
unfortunately for all those superior french people
france didnt make the cut
anywhere where a horrid little worm man might be found
well that will cease to exist
and he fall into a big pit of nasty stuff
the grounds of the ex ringwood high school
scum dwellers
jakana has gone
it may have never been there at all...
and unfortunately for 1 billion odd people
india isnt there any more
camel made me do it
a thousand apologies
and beavis' butt
the world will be a much better place without reginald
and for the the coup of grace
israel is gone
it was a stupid idea in the first place
guilt will make people and nations do ridiculous things
but where to put a few million people?
no more napalm
no more cia
no more wounded knee
no more really really old oranges
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Saturday, April 28, 2007
Like a tost
Allora,
Ciao slave to the economist come stai?
STTE:
Bene,bene,bene, o male, male, male ?
STTE:
Che fai di bello?
STTE:
Wow! thats not the shorts i got from the factory!
STTE:
e gli studi, adesso devi aspettare fino a giugno?
STTE:
Allora, perche non vieni qui in Australia per un pochino?
STTE:
Vabbe, ci vediamo al Melbourne Airport Martedi...
STTE:
cmq, credi che esista un dio?
STTE:
Secondo me, adesso che c'e Grande Fratello di Merda ecc, la gente non ha bisogno di una distrazione del genere.
STTE:
No, no non ho una ragazza al momento, e tu, la solita flotta di ammiratori?
STTE:
Ma, sei modesta quanto sei carina!
STTE:
ahhh grazie, hai ragione questa maglietta blu mi fa sembrare gli occhi piu blu...
STTE:
Adesso devo andare a prepare la cena...
STTE:
sure baby, chissa, forse potremmo anche parlarci veramente in msn prima o poi...
STTE:
baci
STTE:
now im on a bus to ciudad del mexico!
STTE:
Ciao slave to the economist come stai?
STTE:
Bene,bene,bene, o male, male, male ?
STTE:
Che fai di bello?
STTE:
Wow! thats not the shorts i got from the factory!
STTE:
e gli studi, adesso devi aspettare fino a giugno?
STTE:
Allora, perche non vieni qui in Australia per un pochino?
STTE:
Vabbe, ci vediamo al Melbourne Airport Martedi...
STTE:
cmq, credi che esista un dio?
STTE:
Secondo me, adesso che c'e Grande Fratello di Merda ecc, la gente non ha bisogno di una distrazione del genere.
STTE:
No, no non ho una ragazza al momento, e tu, la solita flotta di ammiratori?
STTE:
Ma, sei modesta quanto sei carina!
STTE:
ahhh grazie, hai ragione questa maglietta blu mi fa sembrare gli occhi piu blu...
STTE:
Adesso devo andare a prepare la cena...
STTE:
sure baby, chissa, forse potremmo anche parlarci veramente in msn prima o poi...
STTE:
baci
STTE:
now im on a bus to ciudad del mexico!
STTE:
Friday, April 27, 2007
Thursday, April 26, 2007
Fuck you right in the ear......
Alcohol's running a bit low
You were sick all over yours, and you accused me of being sick all over mine
Yes, I remember, I had the lasange
Always fade out, in a montage
I'm almost with you, I can sense you'll ruin this song for me
Moaning between headjobs
Jimbo boy, you're a crock of shit, you're a booze selfish thug, why don't you give your mouth a go, and in the other hole stick a plug
I've discharged my responsibilities Neil, now I suggest you discharge yours
I had to, I was drunk
Bambi goes ape crazy with Beavis and weapons
Good old Collingwood forever, we know how to play the game
Hum a few bars and I'll kick your head in
200 pounds of durex please....., oh sorry, force of habit
travis and bob head
slots
ronery
That's all I can think of for now, but I know we could go on ripping other funny people off forever, and applying it in new and much funnier circumstances ;-)
You were sick all over yours, and you accused me of being sick all over mine
Yes, I remember, I had the lasange
Always fade out, in a montage
I'm almost with you, I can sense you'll ruin this song for me
Moaning between headjobs
Jimbo boy, you're a crock of shit, you're a booze selfish thug, why don't you give your mouth a go, and in the other hole stick a plug
I've discharged my responsibilities Neil, now I suggest you discharge yours
I had to, I was drunk
Bambi goes ape crazy with Beavis and weapons
Good old Collingwood forever, we know how to play the game
Hum a few bars and I'll kick your head in
200 pounds of durex please....., oh sorry, force of habit
travis and bob head
slots
ronery
That's all I can think of for now, but I know we could go on ripping other funny people off forever, and applying it in new and much funnier circumstances ;-)
Wednesday, April 25, 2007
this sepository lifestyle...
faff about heavily
to drive
to park
to bike
to park you bike?
to roll models
stand over there
that will achieve something
probably not
but how will the wotsit work in this light?
will my howsit flare up in that seating arraignement?
will it be the same without lady F's critical appraisal?
arghghghgh
go and search advice from a higher being
snigger snigger
none the wiser
but much more mooksier
and with an abundance of fag
fear not fools
the tamer of leon is here
he of the munchie delivering
he of the hole drilling
he of the bike fixing
help desking eyecandyvis
so its to be rock and recoil
all the way to the SBFplanade
nearby to the place where the frik once lay
only to find 2 people
with 1 table
and 1 view
and isn't it so lovely
as damon said
as somebody else scrawled on primrose hill
and as ANGALA fixxxed up
twas luvverly it was
a people wotching
a birru quaffing
a butfooneering
but the view
the setting sun
the seaside i love to be beside
the cracking company
and the snacking company
i luvs a bit of inter reaction
not bloody inter milan
they bite
massimo moratti can go dig anther whole
vaffanculo
to drive
to park
to bike
to park you bike?
to roll models
stand over there
that will achieve something
probably not
but how will the wotsit work in this light?
will my howsit flare up in that seating arraignement?
will it be the same without lady F's critical appraisal?
arghghghgh
go and search advice from a higher being
snigger snigger
none the wiser
but much more mooksier
and with an abundance of fag
fear not fools
the tamer of leon is here
he of the munchie delivering
he of the hole drilling
he of the bike fixing
help desking eyecandyvis
so its to be rock and recoil
all the way to the SBFplanade
nearby to the place where the frik once lay
only to find 2 people
with 1 table
and 1 view
and isn't it so lovely
as damon said
as somebody else scrawled on primrose hill
and as ANGALA fixxxed up
twas luvverly it was
a people wotching
a birru quaffing
a butfooneering
but the view
the setting sun
the seaside i love to be beside
the cracking company
and the snacking company
i luvs a bit of inter reaction
not bloody inter milan
they bite
massimo moratti can go dig anther whole
vaffanculo
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
it looks like your head will fall off
please dont turn your head so fast
it looks like it will fall off
at least thats what old geezer-san thinks
the sushi seems to be a little disappointing
not like we had in old tanaka town
somehow he imagined more
from the booth on the right
with the beer coloured glass
to the row of tables down the wall
much humble bowing and scraping
many small words were used
but it was empty for the most
ahhh there may be a story in there somewhere
it looks like it will fall off
at least thats what old geezer-san thinks
the sushi seems to be a little disappointing
not like we had in old tanaka town
somehow he imagined more
from the booth on the right
with the beer coloured glass
to the row of tables down the wall
much humble bowing and scraping
many small words were used
but it was empty for the most
ahhh there may be a story in there somewhere
Monday, April 23, 2007
OLD 2
what is the deal?
with all this old
its all over the place
sure, theres no crime in old
but why on my watch?
i just happen to not be a huge fan of old
i dont hold it against anyone
but its just not my bag baby
alas it seems i am olds bag
and old wants to get its bag and shake it all up
why why and wherefore
what is the deal?
what makes old hunt me down like a wounded goat in a forest?
dammit old
settle down
i hold no grudge
in some strange way its flattering
but is stated before
nothing to do with my bag
wherever next will old lay in wait for me?
in the gaze of a stranger?
under a baby in a pram?
in a PUB?
its not like im asking for it
is it?
Am I?
maybe its the lazy tennis ball ?
maybe its the oh so moral high ground?
could it be the abjectionables?
fuggered if i know...
im going to start a petition
right here
right now
with jesus jones in tow
say no to old
say go to old
say woe to old
say moe to old
and i said Leonard Cohen
with all this old
its all over the place
sure, theres no crime in old
but why on my watch?
i just happen to not be a huge fan of old
i dont hold it against anyone
but its just not my bag baby
alas it seems i am olds bag
and old wants to get its bag and shake it all up
why why and wherefore
what is the deal?
what makes old hunt me down like a wounded goat in a forest?
dammit old
settle down
i hold no grudge
in some strange way its flattering
but is stated before
nothing to do with my bag
wherever next will old lay in wait for me?
in the gaze of a stranger?
under a baby in a pram?
in a PUB?
its not like im asking for it
is it?
Am I?
maybe its the lazy tennis ball ?
maybe its the oh so moral high ground?
could it be the abjectionables?
fuggered if i know...
im going to start a petition
right here
right now
with jesus jones in tow
say no to old
say go to old
say woe to old
say moe to old
and i said Leonard Cohen
Saturday, April 21, 2007
Friday, April 20, 2007
I think I'm a lady but....
I think i'm a lady
But I use the word fuck
I think i'm a lady
But I only use manners when I have to
I think i'm a lady
But I am not offended by the word cunt
I think i'm a lady
But I hate make up
I think i'm a lady
But what the fuck do ladies do?
I hate dressing up, I hate pretending to be what i'm not
Is that ladylike?
I think ladies are false and pretentious
So why do men want you to act that way?
What's wrong with being laid back?
What's wrong with being yourself?
What's wrong with finding humour in freakish things?
What's wrong with society?
What's not.
But I use the word fuck
I think i'm a lady
But I only use manners when I have to
I think i'm a lady
But I am not offended by the word cunt
I think i'm a lady
But I hate make up
I think i'm a lady
But what the fuck do ladies do?
I hate dressing up, I hate pretending to be what i'm not
Is that ladylike?
I think ladies are false and pretentious
So why do men want you to act that way?
What's wrong with being laid back?
What's wrong with being yourself?
What's wrong with finding humour in freakish things?
What's wrong with society?
What's not.
Thursday, April 19, 2007
some more americans shoot each other, piffle
oh no
that didnt really work out how i was hoping
it wasnt an american shooting other americans
it was a south korean shooting americans
thats all right then...
so theres no need to change the gun laws to make it tougher to get guns
if anything there needs to be more guns around
as a few geni have suggested
if only i could go to the usa to live
then i could get shot a lot more
i knew something was sorely missing in this existence
so only one south korean did that?
well knock me down with a baffle board
he was probably a lovely chirpy child
before he moved there
then he became a pathetic hateful ignorant obsessed twat
just like a couple of hundred mill other
its something like a straaaaaaaaaaaange phenomenon
that happens primarily in one country
couldnt possibly be anything to do with free guns for all
thatd just be daft
now if the other turds had guns safely stored in their pencil cases
they could have shot that kid before he shot them
and if the teacher had napalm hidden under his elbow patches
that would have sorted everything out before it got started
if the dean had cluster bombs
well, thatd would be much safer
rooooobot house!
and the cleaners
if they had been sensibly equiped with flame throwers
for cleaning up and such
all this carnage would never have taken place
not to mention the gardeners
if only half of them had land mines planted as far as they eye could see
they could have tempted that kid onto the garden and saved everybody
and the really really important private security service guys/fake police
if they had been given just a couple of tactical nukes...
itd be like having cucumber sandwiches on the lawn
not to mention the life guards at the pool
why they werent equipped with ICBMs to launch from the paddle boards is beyond me
is this supposed to be the greatest country in the worrrrld?
and who left the cheerleaders without even a single grenade?
on quiet days they could use them as pyrotechnics between ads
its lunacy
and whats the point of burning all the books if the librarians cant have a lazy few surface to air missiles?
that kid might have shown up on a jetpack....
dammit if this country doesnt get more guns,
how will we ever get anybody to take us seriously as a pretend bit of america?
its just not good enough to join in stupid ill conceived wars, boycot international treaties to save the planet, treat your citizens like dirt and demonise asylum seekers and the indigenous and ram our pathetic neo christian values down everybodies throats....
fuck you, make a fucking effort
that didnt really work out how i was hoping
it wasnt an american shooting other americans
it was a south korean shooting americans
thats all right then...
so theres no need to change the gun laws to make it tougher to get guns
if anything there needs to be more guns around
as a few geni have suggested
if only i could go to the usa to live
then i could get shot a lot more
i knew something was sorely missing in this existence
so only one south korean did that?
well knock me down with a baffle board
he was probably a lovely chirpy child
before he moved there
then he became a pathetic hateful ignorant obsessed twat
just like a couple of hundred mill other
its something like a straaaaaaaaaaaange phenomenon
that happens primarily in one country
couldnt possibly be anything to do with free guns for all
thatd just be daft
now if the other turds had guns safely stored in their pencil cases
they could have shot that kid before he shot them
and if the teacher had napalm hidden under his elbow patches
that would have sorted everything out before it got started
if the dean had cluster bombs
well, thatd would be much safer
rooooobot house!
and the cleaners
if they had been sensibly equiped with flame throwers
for cleaning up and such
all this carnage would never have taken place
not to mention the gardeners
if only half of them had land mines planted as far as they eye could see
they could have tempted that kid onto the garden and saved everybody
and the really really important private security service guys/fake police
if they had been given just a couple of tactical nukes...
itd be like having cucumber sandwiches on the lawn
not to mention the life guards at the pool
why they werent equipped with ICBMs to launch from the paddle boards is beyond me
is this supposed to be the greatest country in the worrrrld?
and who left the cheerleaders without even a single grenade?
on quiet days they could use them as pyrotechnics between ads
its lunacy
and whats the point of burning all the books if the librarians cant have a lazy few surface to air missiles?
that kid might have shown up on a jetpack....
dammit if this country doesnt get more guns,
how will we ever get anybody to take us seriously as a pretend bit of america?
its just not good enough to join in stupid ill conceived wars, boycot international treaties to save the planet, treat your citizens like dirt and demonise asylum seekers and the indigenous and ram our pathetic neo christian values down everybodies throats....
fuck you, make a fucking effort
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
confetti
He kinda
shoulda
sorta
woulda
gone to the lemonheads gig
if he could've
but he didnt and it sucked
shoulda
sorta
woulda
gone to the lemonheads gig
if he could've
but he didnt and it sucked
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Monday, April 16, 2007
the day that arthur made it to the POW
while it was not strictly necessary
it was strictly fun
somebody had already being playing the field
there were broken bits everywhere
some shouting and carrying on
charmed im not so sure
not pulled up genes
and a lairy canary
chaperoned by a laydee
a lightly peppered playground
some freaks staring in blurry box of moving shapes
fancy thatvis
south Jerusalem was 24 knots up on the murray dowling footrubbers
and the Inca flebiles were looking good to underthrow the fiefdom of stupidity
a sign on the wall said nothing at all
but someone is on the wayyyy out
the limp bar was deserted
then came the parkway express
and then some big bloke with silly hair
and some silly bloke with big hair
with a gaggle of giggle
somebody fell short
somebody ran off
somebody had no humourarse
nobody had a spotted beck
a loud declaration of disprezza
rounded up with an awful lot of standing around
funny that
it was strictly fun
somebody had already being playing the field
there were broken bits everywhere
some shouting and carrying on
charmed im not so sure
not pulled up genes
and a lairy canary
chaperoned by a laydee
a lightly peppered playground
some freaks staring in blurry box of moving shapes
fancy thatvis
south Jerusalem was 24 knots up on the murray dowling footrubbers
and the Inca flebiles were looking good to underthrow the fiefdom of stupidity
a sign on the wall said nothing at all
but someone is on the wayyyy out
the limp bar was deserted
then came the parkway express
and then some big bloke with silly hair
and some silly bloke with big hair
with a gaggle of giggle
somebody fell short
somebody ran off
somebody had no humourarse
nobody had a spotted beck
a loud declaration of disprezza
rounded up with an awful lot of standing around
funny that
Sunday, April 15, 2007
the biggest bunghole
bog off skinny dippers
this is just bloody silly
fat bastard number 61
please step up and remove your smalls
wow, thats unpleasant
last week you stank
this week you reek
fat bastard number 22
please peel back your toenails
wow, thats rank
last week you were popular
this week you are a disaster area
fat bastard number 1034
please shave off your tache
wow, thats plain ugly
last week you denied parentage
this week its beyond you
fat bastard number 38
please have that operation
wow, your earhole is puny
last week you drank someones urine
this week you will drink liquid football
fat bastard number 89
please unfold your wings
wow, thats crusty
last week you failed your exams
this week your pelvic splanchnic ganglyon will be removed
fat bastard number 666
please return to earth as armageddon is imminent
wow, sulphur toasties all round
last week you knobbed saddam hussain
this week you see flowers bloom
up there.......
this is just bloody silly
fat bastard number 61
please step up and remove your smalls
wow, thats unpleasant
last week you stank
this week you reek
fat bastard number 22
please peel back your toenails
wow, thats rank
last week you were popular
this week you are a disaster area
fat bastard number 1034
please shave off your tache
wow, thats plain ugly
last week you denied parentage
this week its beyond you
fat bastard number 38
please have that operation
wow, your earhole is puny
last week you drank someones urine
this week you will drink liquid football
fat bastard number 89
please unfold your wings
wow, thats crusty
last week you failed your exams
this week your pelvic splanchnic ganglyon will be removed
fat bastard number 666
please return to earth as armageddon is imminent
wow, sulphur toasties all round
last week you knobbed saddam hussain
this week you see flowers bloom
up there.......
Saturday, April 14, 2007
The day Kerryn wrote the blog.......
It's all right if you love me
It's all right if you don't
I'm not afraid of you running away
Honey, I get the feeling you won't
There is no sense in pretending
Your eyes give you away
Something inside you is feeling like I do
We've said all there is to say
Baby breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right Breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right
I just thought that up myself.......
It's all right if you don't
I'm not afraid of you running away
Honey, I get the feeling you won't
There is no sense in pretending
Your eyes give you away
Something inside you is feeling like I do
We've said all there is to say
Baby breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right Breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right
I just thought that up myself.......
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
well that solves the mystery of the mystery
what an incredible series of mysteries to solve...
the mystery of the text message
the mystery of the phone calls
the mystery of the strange sensations
the mystery of the curry on the cupboard
the mystery of the jellybotty
the mystery of the bruises that have yet to arrive
the mystery of the fondled foot
the mystery of the blah blah blah
the mystery of the facial hair
the mystery of the nationality of the waitress
the mystery of the british political climate
the mystery of the lying about feeling seedy
the mystery of the stolen music
the mystery of the busted diet
the mystery of the ill feeling towards people in the outer
the mystery of the calls register feature
the mystery of the empty bottles
the mystery of the cant be arsed cooking anything much
the mystery of the lungs arguing
the mystery of the papers unfurling
the mystery of the scratched disc
the mystery of the lionel impersonator
the mystery of the spelling of mystery
the mystery of the cold breadheads
the mystery of the fishy sensations
the mystery of the the fumbled vocabulary
the msytery of the chilled arms
the mystery of the furtive limebeaver
the mystery of the outside world
the mystery of the mysoginy
the mystery of the calls not made
the mystery of the irrational discourse
the mystery of the great big mess
the mystery of what ever the fuck comes next
umm no...
the mystery of the text message
the mystery of the phone calls
the mystery of the strange sensations
the mystery of the curry on the cupboard
the mystery of the jellybotty
the mystery of the bruises that have yet to arrive
the mystery of the fondled foot
the mystery of the blah blah blah
the mystery of the facial hair
the mystery of the nationality of the waitress
the mystery of the british political climate
the mystery of the lying about feeling seedy
the mystery of the stolen music
the mystery of the busted diet
the mystery of the ill feeling towards people in the outer
the mystery of the calls register feature
the mystery of the empty bottles
the mystery of the cant be arsed cooking anything much
the mystery of the lungs arguing
the mystery of the papers unfurling
the mystery of the scratched disc
the mystery of the lionel impersonator
the mystery of the spelling of mystery
the mystery of the cold breadheads
the mystery of the fishy sensations
the mystery of the the fumbled vocabulary
the msytery of the chilled arms
the mystery of the furtive limebeaver
the mystery of the outside world
the mystery of the mysoginy
the mystery of the calls not made
the mystery of the irrational discourse
the mystery of the great big mess
the mystery of what ever the fuck comes next
umm no...
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Monday, April 09, 2007
let me take you down to goatberry mound and the lamb and flag
sure we did
going for a pootle
driving thru
without the necessary permits
cant be arsed with them
crusing on down by the seaside
ahh the parm trees
strangely out of place
look
a mound
no, no, no
thats not it
thats a mound
not the mound
just up here
in an inconvenient place
yep, thats the puppy
quite a mound that one
good for all kinds of things
first discovered by a browsing bob
someones legs nearly fell off
that was a bad thing apparently
righty dokey
got that out of the system
then heading for the other landmark
the lamb and flag
it has been a long time
not necessarily a good time
if only that hairy bloke was wandering the streets
sigh
drag up a couch
not much has changed
a bit less of that
a bit more of this
then a bit of sooooonshine
with beervis in it
very plej
careful he might hear you
tell a tale of a pale snail
and whoppstopp
it shows
and for my next trick
i will conjure a floating marshmallow pit
going for a pootle
driving thru
without the necessary permits
cant be arsed with them
crusing on down by the seaside
ahh the parm trees
strangely out of place
look
a mound
no, no, no
thats not it
thats a mound
not the mound
just up here
in an inconvenient place
yep, thats the puppy
quite a mound that one
good for all kinds of things
first discovered by a browsing bob
someones legs nearly fell off
that was a bad thing apparently
righty dokey
got that out of the system
then heading for the other landmark
the lamb and flag
it has been a long time
not necessarily a good time
if only that hairy bloke was wandering the streets
sigh
drag up a couch
not much has changed
a bit less of that
a bit more of this
then a bit of sooooonshine
with beervis in it
very plej
careful he might hear you
tell a tale of a pale snail
and whoppstopp
it shows
and for my next trick
i will conjure a floating marshmallow pit
Sunday, April 08, 2007
the vestal virgil festivus
twas a dark and stormy night
not really
it was quite pleasant actually
if only a tad nipply
and most conveniently located
just up the road
in a luvverly setting
in the domain of the king
didnt see him gadding about tho
itd seem that hes not that fussed about it
there were some stars
there were some stelle
and some whiffy bastards
the city lights looked pretty damn good too
i'm running out of paint
there were lots of people
bungsnaps and portfolio carriers
probably a lot of greats
chirondel, henri mateus ecc
didnt see any flamin
did see a fartknocker
in a line
it was quite fortuitous timing really
if there can be such a thing when it comes to fartknockers
just finished saying how much of a twat it was
apparently phoenix were good
and new york dolls were something
all that practice for nowt
then the lights went down
and everything got purple
and on came a jumping jarvis flash
he rocked the place
throwing his skinnny arse hither and thither
doing press ups
chatting away about funny thangs
getting up on boxes
he didnt touch the garages tho
no pulp songs showed up
but that wasnt the end
and he did have a point about cunts still running the world
what a man
a lull followed
and great expectations threatened a diss-a-pointment
clathes everywhere...
surely the pixies would be a sad parody of their former greatness
they couldnt possibly still be that cool
but they rocked
they rolled
they were fab
they played an amazing set
interrupted only by bleach balls
it was truly spectacular
giving the kind of drug free buzz
that only mind blowing good shows can
what a great bday present
thanx maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
not really
it was quite pleasant actually
if only a tad nipply
and most conveniently located
just up the road
in a luvverly setting
in the domain of the king
didnt see him gadding about tho
itd seem that hes not that fussed about it
there were some stars
there were some stelle
and some whiffy bastards
the city lights looked pretty damn good too
i'm running out of paint
there were lots of people
bungsnaps and portfolio carriers
probably a lot of greats
chirondel, henri mateus ecc
didnt see any flamin
did see a fartknocker
in a line
it was quite fortuitous timing really
if there can be such a thing when it comes to fartknockers
just finished saying how much of a twat it was
apparently phoenix were good
and new york dolls were something
all that practice for nowt
then the lights went down
and everything got purple
and on came a jumping jarvis flash
he rocked the place
throwing his skinnny arse hither and thither
doing press ups
chatting away about funny thangs
getting up on boxes
he didnt touch the garages tho
no pulp songs showed up
but that wasnt the end
and he did have a point about cunts still running the world
what a man
a lull followed
and great expectations threatened a diss-a-pointment
clathes everywhere...
surely the pixies would be a sad parody of their former greatness
they couldnt possibly still be that cool
but they rocked
they rolled
they were fab
they played an amazing set
interrupted only by bleach balls
it was truly spectacular
giving the kind of drug free buzz
that only mind blowing good shows can
what a great bday present
thanx maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
The messer - a tribute album
33 today
33 today
not yesterday
or tomorrow
but
33 today
the proud proprietor of the cheekiest smile, the most troubliest of trousers and a light that draws us in like moths to the flame.
sadly i missed the first 20 something years. I bet they would have been a good laugh.
but the more than decade has been a blast...
giggles and groans in
Swansea escaping embraces
Bath with a bevvy of your babes
Edinburgh enduring Madonna
Bristol because it were there
Birmingham having a lock-in
Salisbury smiling inanely on iron age mounds
Huanchaco speaking in tongues
Praknam Pran with bitten bottom
San Sebastian with streamers on
the Dordogne on late night crumble fests
and possibly more...
Much love and thinking of you in the nicest possible ways
33 today
not yesterday
or tomorrow
but
33 today
the proud proprietor of the cheekiest smile, the most troubliest of trousers and a light that draws us in like moths to the flame.
sadly i missed the first 20 something years. I bet they would have been a good laugh.
but the more than decade has been a blast...
giggles and groans in
Swansea escaping embraces
Bath with a bevvy of your babes
Edinburgh enduring Madonna
Bristol because it were there
Birmingham having a lock-in
Salisbury smiling inanely on iron age mounds
Huanchaco speaking in tongues
Praknam Pran with bitten bottom
San Sebastian with streamers on
the Dordogne on late night crumble fests
and possibly more...
Much love and thinking of you in the nicest possible ways
Monday, April 02, 2007
Sunday, April 01, 2007
coupe de la ligue
Lyon turning the screw
Fred
Govou
it was a terrific volley wasnt it?
who really has had a wonderful start
offsides one apiece
could well have deceived ramik
their job was to run in
govou just acknowledging
a tighter formation
tried to add a little bit of creative flair
designed to inspire
wendall
3 white shirts with him
precious little to do
its a game for artists
says the referee
juninho
fred
really terrific last line of defence
producers giving us
lovely long legs
2 minutes of being knocked out
underemployed so far
here comes wendall
four in the box
i thought it was a bit of a check
a little bit disjointed at times
various parisien styles
on the counter
once again the same type of ploy
little bit of a sly hand going out
aww thats clever
this is fred
make himself available
bit of a chop
a number of permeatations at the back
just past the hour
hes been calm all eveing
they deserve to go
not too far for the lens contingent
sometimes its unnecessary
if he does any more of that hes off
as a coach here
if you get an injury now, youre snookered
something of a rarity tonight
theyve had clean sheets
since the age of six
is anybody going to bother crossing to me tonight?
good little take over the swede from the czech
by the same token
2 heavyweight boxers jabbing inside the ring
since his movement to the birmingham area
debatable decision
to get over the top of micoud
tiago on the post
the goalkeeper came
and the goalkeeper didnt get there
what a time to score
there he comes
its their day perhaps
what a time to score
it was just over a year ago
he is potentially the hero
they have one minute to survive
malouda again
thats it!
absolutely blown out of the water
what a dramatic finish
all season long
an unlikely hero
theres the president
he stopped the flow
bordeaux are bathed in gold
Fred
Govou
it was a terrific volley wasnt it?
who really has had a wonderful start
offsides one apiece
could well have deceived ramik
their job was to run in
govou just acknowledging
a tighter formation
tried to add a little bit of creative flair
designed to inspire
wendall
3 white shirts with him
precious little to do
its a game for artists
says the referee
juninho
fred
really terrific last line of defence
producers giving us
lovely long legs
2 minutes of being knocked out
underemployed so far
here comes wendall
four in the box
i thought it was a bit of a check
a little bit disjointed at times
various parisien styles
on the counter
once again the same type of ploy
little bit of a sly hand going out
aww thats clever
this is fred
make himself available
bit of a chop
a number of permeatations at the back
just past the hour
hes been calm all eveing
they deserve to go
not too far for the lens contingent
sometimes its unnecessary
if he does any more of that hes off
as a coach here
if you get an injury now, youre snookered
something of a rarity tonight
theyve had clean sheets
since the age of six
is anybody going to bother crossing to me tonight?
good little take over the swede from the czech
by the same token
2 heavyweight boxers jabbing inside the ring
since his movement to the birmingham area
debatable decision
to get over the top of micoud
tiago on the post
the goalkeeper came
and the goalkeeper didnt get there
what a time to score
there he comes
its their day perhaps
what a time to score
it was just over a year ago
he is potentially the hero
they have one minute to survive
malouda again
thats it!
absolutely blown out of the water
what a dramatic finish
all season long
an unlikely hero
theres the president
he stopped the flow
bordeaux are bathed in gold
Saturday, March 31, 2007
a whirlpool of SBF
According to SBF, of all Nick Caves works is the best?
What was SBF's favourite soap/drama of the 1980's?
What is the stone roses greatest song according to SBF?
Where did SBF take Nicholas Parson for dinner?
If SBF wanted to go 'right out', where would he go?
What is SBF's favourite time of day?
What was SBF's favourite insult to hurl at nerds in high school?
Which county is SBF's favourite in all of Engerland?
How does SBF paint his statues?
How did SBF feel before the start of the state championships 400m final?
Whilst in Germany, what were SBF's favourite two cities?
What type of bitch is SBF's favourite?
Why does SBF love the ghiro so much?
What was SBF's favourite soap/drama of the 1980's?
What is the stone roses greatest song according to SBF?
Where did SBF take Nicholas Parson for dinner?
If SBF wanted to go 'right out', where would he go?
What is SBF's favourite time of day?
What was SBF's favourite insult to hurl at nerds in high school?
Which county is SBF's favourite in all of Engerland?
How does SBF paint his statues?
How did SBF feel before the start of the state championships 400m final?
Whilst in Germany, what were SBF's favourite two cities?
What type of bitch is SBF's favourite?
Why does SBF love the ghiro so much?
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
F.A.B
boneless
fab
gnarli
bulk rad
bitchin
gnarlin
stalin
bulk ace
way rad
gnarli rad
faceplant
tail grab
railsnail
rail slide
nose plant
superbulkgnarlirad
fakey
drop in
bunny hoppy
ollie
lunch drop
biiiiiiiirrrrrrrdman
fakey
tony hawk
kilgor the thunderstick
silverton executive deluxe
daffy
mogul
cut back
tea cosy
glenn plake
daisy
ski boots
handplant
kr kr krrrr
airborne
can't do nuthin for you man....
fab
gnarli
bulk rad
bitchin
gnarlin
stalin
bulk ace
way rad
gnarli rad
faceplant
tail grab
railsnail
rail slide
nose plant
superbulkgnarlirad
fakey
drop in
bunny hoppy
ollie
lunch drop
biiiiiiiirrrrrrrdman
fakey
tony hawk
kilgor the thunderstick
silverton executive deluxe
daffy
mogul
cut back
tea cosy
glenn plake
daisy
ski boots
handplant
kr kr krrrr
airborne
can't do nuthin for you man....
Monday, March 26, 2007
i'm going off to write some poetry
here i go
and really off now
no more messing about
i know i have threatened it before
but this time
its the biz
no more pussyfooting
no more pencil tapping
no more PROcrastination
the poetry is beckoning
its 'calling my name'
so im off then am I?
thanks for the lift
thanks for the beer
thanks for the repetition
oops
got sidetracked then
i was just pointing out how i was going off to write some poetry
not like the other times at all
not even in the same bloody hemisphere
wish i wasnt
as what?
internal dialogue is probably not best placed
anyway
dunque
quindi
communque
allora
poi
that'd be stalling then
ive got one foot on the dooooorstep
fucking hurts
some bastard shouldnt have closed the dooooooor
could be a good po tapioca mind
im going off to write a po of po
nothing to do with great big fuck off rivers
not ones that cross an entire country
indubitably none that start in enormous alpi
that define an industrial heartland
or that would make a daft border
for a pretend country
that some twats want to invent
despite the fact that it would be cutting off so many good bits
not terrone at all
and that there are a zillion other more valid claims of statehood in the area
a couple of republics that lasted nearly a millenia
lega dei fucking stronzi
as i finally take my leave
to go off to write some poetry
instead of farnarkeling
and fucking about
or showing anybody else how to do it
it should be noted in the po of po about the po
that an english bloke and some other bloke
took a little boat and went from top to bottom
or from west to east
dublin cool
there you go
grandiose enuff for you?
i'm going off to write some poetry...
and really off now
no more messing about
i know i have threatened it before
but this time
its the biz
no more pussyfooting
no more pencil tapping
no more PROcrastination
the poetry is beckoning
its 'calling my name'
so im off then am I?
thanks for the lift
thanks for the beer
thanks for the repetition
oops
got sidetracked then
i was just pointing out how i was going off to write some poetry
not like the other times at all
not even in the same bloody hemisphere
wish i wasnt
as what?
internal dialogue is probably not best placed
anyway
dunque
quindi
communque
allora
poi
that'd be stalling then
ive got one foot on the dooooorstep
fucking hurts
some bastard shouldnt have closed the dooooooor
could be a good po tapioca mind
im going off to write a po of po
nothing to do with great big fuck off rivers
not ones that cross an entire country
indubitably none that start in enormous alpi
that define an industrial heartland
or that would make a daft border
for a pretend country
that some twats want to invent
despite the fact that it would be cutting off so many good bits
not terrone at all
and that there are a zillion other more valid claims of statehood in the area
a couple of republics that lasted nearly a millenia
lega dei fucking stronzi
as i finally take my leave
to go off to write some poetry
instead of farnarkeling
and fucking about
or showing anybody else how to do it
it should be noted in the po of po about the po
that an english bloke and some other bloke
took a little boat and went from top to bottom
or from west to east
dublin cool
there you go
grandiose enuff for you?
i'm going off to write some poetry...
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Friday, March 23, 2007
rob?
rob?
rob?
rob?
rooooooooooob?
robbbb?
rob?
rob?
rob?
rob?
rob?
robbage?
robbo?
robster?
robmeister?
robbers dog?
bob?
bob a job?
vegas?
degas?
vagueless?
robo?
rob-bo?
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrob?
roberto?
robredo?
robweiller?
robrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobloodyrob?
hearthrob?
rob peter to pay mary?
roberrrrrrrrrrrrr(t)?
robespierre?
robs spear?
rob-you-like?
i-cant-believe-its-not-rob?
highway robbery?
robson greene?
robson jerome?
rob-me-nots?
robbie?
guardaroba?
wardrobe?
no probs?
no robs?
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ROB!
rob?
rob?
rooooooooooob?
robbbb?
rob?
rob?
rob?
rob?
rob?
robbage?
robbo?
robster?
robmeister?
robbers dog?
bob?
bob a job?
vegas?
degas?
vagueless?
robo?
rob-bo?
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrob?
roberto?
robredo?
robweiller?
robrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobrobloodyrob?
hearthrob?
rob peter to pay mary?
roberrrrrrrrrrrrr(t)?
robespierre?
robs spear?
rob-you-like?
i-cant-believe-its-not-rob?
highway robbery?
robson greene?
robson jerome?
rob-me-nots?
robbie?
guardaroba?
wardrobe?
no probs?
no robs?
arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
ROB!
Thursday, March 22, 2007
we've come to wish you an unhappy birthday
birthdays are grate
they are a big opportunity to be self indulgent
and get drunk and be as silly as possible in public places
you get presents and cards
and people are generally nice to you
except arseholes you arent ever nice
and of course there are those tossers who are 2 faced twats
who are nice to you and are really just self obsessed fuckers
i chose life
i chose wife
i chose knife
wasnt going to do nowt
but ended up going to the moofies
saw a goode fillum
larfed, larfed, larfed
then larfed a bit more
kwality innit?
then off the the Jorge
on a lovely warm evening
and had a big fat pint of...
water
yep, water all the way
kind of takes the thrill out of going to the pub
man that beer looked good
it smelled good too
i could have had a right carry on
carrying on
and that was that
BFW
they are a big opportunity to be self indulgent
and get drunk and be as silly as possible in public places
you get presents and cards
and people are generally nice to you
except arseholes you arent ever nice
and of course there are those tossers who are 2 faced twats
who are nice to you and are really just self obsessed fuckers
i chose life
i chose wife
i chose knife
wasnt going to do nowt
but ended up going to the moofies
saw a goode fillum
larfed, larfed, larfed
then larfed a bit more
kwality innit?
then off the the Jorge
on a lovely warm evening
and had a big fat pint of...
water
yep, water all the way
kind of takes the thrill out of going to the pub
man that beer looked good
it smelled good too
i could have had a right carry on
carrying on
and that was that
BFW
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
frothing frightfully frothily
the door opens
a blur storms in
not alex, graeeeme, damon or the other one, trevor?
quick
panic
jump up
fall down
drop everything
pick up slacks
all phone calls have become superfluous
but that beavis away
what have i done?
what hasnt he done?
what might they do?
the bottom boggles
ive only got 12 minutes
until the big meltdown
does my hair look big in this
help me adjust my arse
ive done something mad
everything has gone mandarin shaped
i met a bus
the bus said maybe
i threw the bus
douse the place
kill all the insect life
especially the ones that bite under chins
drown the expressed horizontality
gas the masses
unveil the mail
quaff the toff
rant
rave
then maybe throw in a little carry on
open the grudge
ah sod this
the architects are making it too difficult
a blur storms in
not alex, graeeeme, damon or the other one, trevor?
quick
panic
jump up
fall down
drop everything
pick up slacks
all phone calls have become superfluous
but that beavis away
what have i done?
what hasnt he done?
what might they do?
the bottom boggles
ive only got 12 minutes
until the big meltdown
does my hair look big in this
help me adjust my arse
ive done something mad
everything has gone mandarin shaped
i met a bus
the bus said maybe
i threw the bus
douse the place
kill all the insect life
especially the ones that bite under chins
drown the expressed horizontality
gas the masses
unveil the mail
quaff the toff
rant
rave
then maybe throw in a little carry on
open the grudge
ah sod this
the architects are making it too difficult
Monday, March 19, 2007
what may be called barsly and what may not
what may;
stupid birds on telly
barlsy
chocolate rabbits
stupid dogs on telly
random animals
connor moo
brindle staffies
any type of staffy
any dog
most cats
wombats
badgers
the occasional horse
the ones that arent barking mad english people
hippopotamususussusususu
beavis
kiss him now
bog off rsvp
the entirety of staffordshire
no plants, bog off
quality works of art
various deities
good looking football mascots
marty willson piper both old and new
what may not;
german racial superiority
pool tables
ladyboys
peter koppes
fridges
footpaths
long walks on the beach
turnips
earings
railroad tracks
skinned chicken
chicken with skin
computers
turds
feather boas
birds that dont talk to me
anal holidays
bananas
termites
rats
peoples butts
almond slivers
cardinal rule, if in doubt DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT
stupid birds on telly
barlsy
chocolate rabbits
stupid dogs on telly
random animals
connor moo
brindle staffies
any type of staffy
any dog
most cats
wombats
badgers
the occasional horse
the ones that arent barking mad english people
hippopotamususussusususu
beavis
kiss him now
bog off rsvp
the entirety of staffordshire
no plants, bog off
quality works of art
various deities
good looking football mascots
marty willson piper both old and new
what may not;
german racial superiority
pool tables
ladyboys
peter koppes
fridges
footpaths
long walks on the beach
turnips
earings
railroad tracks
skinned chicken
chicken with skin
computers
turds
feather boas
birds that dont talk to me
anal holidays
bananas
termites
rats
peoples butts
almond slivers
cardinal rule, if in doubt DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT
Sunday, March 18, 2007
punting miss hazy
lets watch that thing
you know the one
the one with those guys in it
its four of them
they drive around
you DO know the one
it starts with L
no
its not barsly
oh look
an engineer
with big teeth
oh look
he looks like fat travis
at least from the nose down
the most attractive particles
stop tormenting me
you know that you know that you know it
you just dont want to say it
quick
hide the screams
you never know
if you never went
four trees in court?
fourplays outside?
bobby met robbie bowled knobbie?
marty met marty and they both ruled
not the old one mind
its the new one
or the young one
which is the same as the old one
the new one is the old one
the old one is the young one
once in every lifetime.....
there comes a bus like this
oh i need something
you need something
oh my something
i cant be something
or rather
shes gone
you know the one
the one with those guys in it
its four of them
they drive around
you DO know the one
it starts with L
no
its not barsly
oh look
an engineer
with big teeth
oh look
he looks like fat travis
at least from the nose down
the most attractive particles
stop tormenting me
you know that you know that you know it
you just dont want to say it
quick
hide the screams
you never know
if you never went
four trees in court?
fourplays outside?
bobby met robbie bowled knobbie?
marty met marty and they both ruled
not the old one mind
its the new one
or the young one
which is the same as the old one
the new one is the old one
the old one is the young one
once in every lifetime.....
there comes a bus like this
oh i need something
you need something
oh my something
i cant be something
or rather
shes gone
Friday, March 16, 2007
very big insects
there has been an outbreak of very big insects around these parts
not sure where they came from
they sure are noisy though
there must be a dozen different types of em
buzzing
roaring
whining
droning
howling
and making whatever other noises insects make
some are of the flying variety
quite a few actually
they are really noisy bastards
buzzing away
and sometimes making huge whooshing booming sounds
tis a good thing im not scared of insects
then there is the almost constant whining of the earth bound ones
they seem to be higher pitched
and in abundant varieties
it's almost as if they are performing some kind of ritual out there...
they gradually get louder
then fade away
only to come back louder than ever
i must investigate these goings on
with my long socks and sandals
safari suit
howard carter hat
stupid facial hair
and the mother of all butterfly nets
particularly strange buggers
im sure you will agree...
not sure where they came from
they sure are noisy though
there must be a dozen different types of em
buzzing
roaring
whining
droning
howling
and making whatever other noises insects make
some are of the flying variety
quite a few actually
they are really noisy bastards
buzzing away
and sometimes making huge whooshing booming sounds
tis a good thing im not scared of insects
then there is the almost constant whining of the earth bound ones
they seem to be higher pitched
and in abundant varieties
it's almost as if they are performing some kind of ritual out there...
they gradually get louder
then fade away
only to come back louder than ever
i must investigate these goings on
with my long socks and sandals
safari suit
howard carter hat
stupid facial hair
and the mother of all butterfly nets
particularly strange buggers
im sure you will agree...
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Friday, March 09, 2007
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
lo schifo che faccio
ci sono tanti...e si
un mondo di schifo in cui riesco ad immergermi...
questo schifo riguarda la grammatica e la lingua italiana
sono capace di fare un schifo tremendo con questa cosa
fammi vedere un po
con ogni tipo di frase
con le domande
con gli imperativi
con le frase semplici
con il conguintivo
con il passato, in tanti, ma tanti frasi
con il futuro... idem
anche con il presente
in ogni angolo della lingua
io ci saro per fare schifo
e non e' che devo sforzarmi
probabilmente c'e li ho fatti una dozzina finora in questo blog
e ora
presentando
il campione dello schifo
nel angolo buio
con il volto buio
....
un mondo di schifo in cui riesco ad immergermi...
questo schifo riguarda la grammatica e la lingua italiana
sono capace di fare un schifo tremendo con questa cosa
fammi vedere un po
con ogni tipo di frase
con le domande
con gli imperativi
con le frase semplici
con il conguintivo
con il passato, in tanti, ma tanti frasi
con il futuro... idem
anche con il presente
in ogni angolo della lingua
io ci saro per fare schifo
e non e' che devo sforzarmi
probabilmente c'e li ho fatti una dozzina finora in questo blog
e ora
presentando
il campione dello schifo
nel angolo buio
con il volto buio
....
Monday, March 05, 2007
the slacking song
slacking slackly slackage slack slackers slacken slacks slacked slackdom
the limes soaked
the goat got poked
they all went to Nirvana in a little moat boat called Mantchet
(after having duly paid Charon, naturally)
slack slack
the limes soaked
the goat got poked
they all went to Nirvana in a little moat boat called Mantchet
(after having duly paid Charon, naturally)
slack slack
Sunday, March 04, 2007
the mookskeeper
Give me a head of hair, long beautiful hair....
Shinin', gleamin', steamin flax n' waxin',
What constitutes a great haircut?
When you aren't crying at the end of it?
When your hair isn't green?
Blue?
Purple?
The Jennifer Aniston DO?
Hollywood's a bitch...
What about the idea of.......happiness?
Happy with your lebanese macho boy do?
Black roots with blonde tips...
Crafed into a stunning masterpiece of a mohawk?
Shave your head, feed the world!
Why do all Africans have shaved heads? Or cornrolls?
To combat flies? Ticks?
Or for fashion?
Why do dykes cut their hair like boys?
Aren't women attracted to other women with long hair?
Why won't Travis shave his head? Is it vanity?
Or Insanity?
When the clippers are charged and ready to go...
He won't take the dive into skinheadism.....
Oh why oh why is life such a dilemma about one's hair?
Shinin', gleamin', steamin flax n' waxin',
What constitutes a great haircut?
When you aren't crying at the end of it?
When your hair isn't green?
Blue?
Purple?
The Jennifer Aniston DO?
Hollywood's a bitch...
What about the idea of.......happiness?
Happy with your lebanese macho boy do?
Black roots with blonde tips...
Crafed into a stunning masterpiece of a mohawk?
Shave your head, feed the world!
Why do all Africans have shaved heads? Or cornrolls?
To combat flies? Ticks?
Or for fashion?
Why do dykes cut their hair like boys?
Aren't women attracted to other women with long hair?
Why won't Travis shave his head? Is it vanity?
Or Insanity?
When the clippers are charged and ready to go...
He won't take the dive into skinheadism.....
Oh why oh why is life such a dilemma about one's hair?
Saturday, March 03, 2007
warning;goats may bite your clothes
but they never did
at least i got the foto tho
it may have been wiser to have a warning about the deer
the deers my be presumptuous gits
could at least have hinted at it
go over that bloke
and buy some of those funny round cracker things
like the pidgies rat thangs at trafalgar square
not to be confused with trafalgar place
thatd be a far substantially different thing
get your cracker things here
look at the luvverly bambi babies
protected by lore and law
not like humans that werent part of that master race
sidle over
make your own difference
proffer your hands
as if making an offer to some god or other
for trevors saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
they are all cute and wuddly
sure
keeps your palm flat
like with horses or goat like beaver machines
the ones that may bite your clothes
thats the ticket
in the sun
amongst the trees
but in the shadow of a magnificent tower
that would be kulcha then
here, sweet doe eyed doe
try some of this
arrghghhghghghgh
settle downvis
who is that in my pock-it?
have i fallen off a bus into harare?
umm no
gnash and gnarl (i rad)
eat
munch
nibble
gnaw
skull
ooottay there!
stop it
stop it
stop it
sure
get stuck into those shorts
not like i needed them anyway
arms
below the elbow they are just wasting away anyway
legs ?
nooo didnt want them
who needs to ambulate these days?
go on
get stuck in
an arse?
superfluous...
funk dat
whats needed here is a big fancy venison steak
or
ooooh let me see
a couple of hundred
blessed beasts
protected by that lore thing
lets skulk off then
at least i got the foto tho
it may have been wiser to have a warning about the deer
the deers my be presumptuous gits
could at least have hinted at it
go over that bloke
and buy some of those funny round cracker things
like the pidgies rat thangs at trafalgar square
not to be confused with trafalgar place
thatd be a far substantially different thing
get your cracker things here
look at the luvverly bambi babies
protected by lore and law
not like humans that werent part of that master race
sidle over
make your own difference
proffer your hands
as if making an offer to some god or other
for trevors saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake
they are all cute and wuddly
sure
keeps your palm flat
like with horses or goat like beaver machines
the ones that may bite your clothes
thats the ticket
in the sun
amongst the trees
but in the shadow of a magnificent tower
that would be kulcha then
here, sweet doe eyed doe
try some of this
arrghghhghghghgh
settle downvis
who is that in my pock-it?
have i fallen off a bus into harare?
umm no
gnash and gnarl (i rad)
eat
munch
nibble
gnaw
skull
ooottay there!
stop it
stop it
stop it
sure
get stuck into those shorts
not like i needed them anyway
arms
below the elbow they are just wasting away anyway
legs ?
nooo didnt want them
who needs to ambulate these days?
go on
get stuck in
an arse?
superfluous...
funk dat
whats needed here is a big fancy venison steak
or
ooooh let me see
a couple of hundred
blessed beasts
protected by that lore thing
lets skulk off then
Friday, March 02, 2007
i present thyself
oh just fuck off
i will present myself
once and again
a buffoon for a buffoons sake
yes
judge fucking me
like all the arseholes before
small minded fucks
choose your fucking continent
you
the twat with the professorship
you with the put upon look
fuck you
right in the ear
dr fucking ignoramus
at the end of the tram line
your immodesty will burn your arse in hell
look
its me again
smile before you perish
your profession gives a licence
to get fuckin fucked
oops
it fell on down there
the next contender will be
fuck off
mr fucking twat
small fucking mind
no
thats okay
you have position of power
just wait for an axe
fuck you
you ponder
and i will judge
many pieces of small shit
how many turds do you need to need
to be build a shitecastle
i will present myself
once and again
a buffoon for a buffoons sake
yes
judge fucking me
like all the arseholes before
small minded fucks
choose your fucking continent
you
the twat with the professorship
you with the put upon look
fuck you
right in the ear
dr fucking ignoramus
at the end of the tram line
your immodesty will burn your arse in hell
look
its me again
smile before you perish
your profession gives a licence
to get fuckin fucked
oops
it fell on down there
the next contender will be
fuck off
mr fucking twat
small fucking mind
no
thats okay
you have position of power
just wait for an axe
fuck you
you ponder
and i will judge
many pieces of small shit
how many turds do you need to need
to be build a shitecastle
Thursday, March 01, 2007
62 second dub
not as if pressure would ever come to beeeear
that wouldnt do
one sits where one does
one could never judge
its best not that way
one might converse with somebody elses fool
lest they belong to another being
thank fook for that
heres to all the dead ({)}s
imagine
just for a river that runs through the city of your olimpiadi
how much good that wil bring
a slip of the twixt
funk dat
engage with a person
not a bracket
what difference would it make?
is it passive of better?
ecko gecko
the smile gas
bring me some more of that pleeeease
the thread my have passed you by
me too.
dont open your hart
it would sound untrue
frank and sense
keith and kevin streets
a suburb with an uncertain future
why not let me sit in judgement?
lest not a fool make a small decision
best not to die before you sleep
no beast shall wake the righteous
find your messiah?
more fucking fool fucking you
that wouldnt do
one sits where one does
one could never judge
its best not that way
one might converse with somebody elses fool
lest they belong to another being
thank fook for that
heres to all the dead ({)}s
imagine
just for a river that runs through the city of your olimpiadi
how much good that wil bring
a slip of the twixt
funk dat
engage with a person
not a bracket
what difference would it make?
is it passive of better?
ecko gecko
the smile gas
bring me some more of that pleeeease
the thread my have passed you by
me too.
dont open your hart
it would sound untrue
frank and sense
keith and kevin streets
a suburb with an uncertain future
why not let me sit in judgement?
lest not a fool make a small decision
best not to die before you sleep
no beast shall wake the righteous
find your messiah?
more fucking fool fucking you
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
waitrose and why its grate
i love waitrose
it is great
they have so much good stuff
sure
its a little pricey
but man o man o man
they have all that great stuff
you simply cannot just enter into waitrose for a packet of crisps
and expect to exit intact
you will purchase 15 extra great things
you will not be able to help yourself
oh yes,
you shall think
i really did need that goats-duck pate
beluga caviar?
how on earth was i going to survive without that!!!?
a mixed platter of prosciutto crudo, salami, bresaola ecc ecc
i surely would have caught a disease without that
olives recently removed from a virgin sloths bunghole....
what on earth was i not thinking?!
alpaca cheese, made only from alpacas between the ages of 3 and 3.2 years
that live above the snowline on mt licancabur
foie gras
piffle and poppycock
foie mega grasso
geese force fed foie gras
from geese force fed goie gras
wine from phoenecian amphoras
sat 2,000 years on the mediterranean floor
a roasted peacock or maybe a cheeky second
basted with yeti blood
the last dodo
frozen in the last great age of ice
with pterydactl ribs
and thats just in the first aisle...
all hail the great Waitrose
it is great
they have so much good stuff
sure
its a little pricey
but man o man o man
they have all that great stuff
you simply cannot just enter into waitrose for a packet of crisps
and expect to exit intact
you will purchase 15 extra great things
you will not be able to help yourself
oh yes,
you shall think
i really did need that goats-duck pate
beluga caviar?
how on earth was i going to survive without that!!!?
a mixed platter of prosciutto crudo, salami, bresaola ecc ecc
i surely would have caught a disease without that
olives recently removed from a virgin sloths bunghole....
what on earth was i not thinking?!
alpaca cheese, made only from alpacas between the ages of 3 and 3.2 years
that live above the snowline on mt licancabur
foie gras
piffle and poppycock
foie mega grasso
geese force fed foie gras
from geese force fed goie gras
wine from phoenecian amphoras
sat 2,000 years on the mediterranean floor
a roasted peacock or maybe a cheeky second
basted with yeti blood
the last dodo
frozen in the last great age of ice
with pterydactl ribs
and thats just in the first aisle...
all hail the great Waitrose
Monday, February 26, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
i just cant get you out of my swede
thats it carmen
you got stuck in there
my swede is action packed
you keep bouncing about
fighting off gothenburg airport
all woody and such
he doesnt mind, mind
did i mention he was a little green guy
from interspace ?
why would I ?
anyway
big thanks carmen
as for once i can hear an italian songster
not making me wanna evacuate stomach
abusing the hybrid tongue
while I'm at it...
wotcha doin thursday?
there's a cracking gig on in town
with free somethings or others
i reckon you would dig it
youre a lady
a beatiful italian one at that
and you rock
well you jah wobble anyway
and im a beaver of the limer variety
sound good?
thanks for filling my swede
and kicking that daft singing budgie away
she really can fuck off
you got stuck in there
my swede is action packed
you keep bouncing about
fighting off gothenburg airport
all woody and such
he doesnt mind, mind
did i mention he was a little green guy
from interspace ?
why would I ?
anyway
big thanks carmen
as for once i can hear an italian songster
not making me wanna evacuate stomach
abusing the hybrid tongue
while I'm at it...
wotcha doin thursday?
there's a cracking gig on in town
with free somethings or others
i reckon you would dig it
youre a lady
a beatiful italian one at that
and you rock
well you jah wobble anyway
and im a beaver of the limer variety
sound good?
thanks for filling my swede
and kicking that daft singing budgie away
she really can fuck off
Saturday, February 24, 2007
and a fresher perspective
Well ass wipes!
No I never heard of a limebeaver, however I shall try to inform those of you who are interested in what this is...
A limebeaver could be a vagina with green pubes... or an American football star with a green guernsey on his back. Or perhaps a new cocktail with hairy ice...No even I am not sure what the fuck that is! Hairy ice....Hmmm, yummy...
Nevertheless, as I am writing this blog with the barrel of a gun to my head, I am scared that without thoughts being typed, me brains will be blown out.
Please Sir, don't kill me! I promise to eat all my greens, I promise I won't tell anyone that I saw your face! Pleeeeaase don't shoo.....
BOOM.
Goodnight bitch.
No I never heard of a limebeaver, however I shall try to inform those of you who are interested in what this is...
A limebeaver could be a vagina with green pubes... or an American football star with a green guernsey on his back. Or perhaps a new cocktail with hairy ice...No even I am not sure what the fuck that is! Hairy ice....Hmmm, yummy...
Nevertheless, as I am writing this blog with the barrel of a gun to my head, I am scared that without thoughts being typed, me brains will be blown out.
Please Sir, don't kill me! I promise to eat all my greens, I promise I won't tell anyone that I saw your face! Pleeeeaase don't shoo.....
BOOM.
Goodnight bitch.
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