the further adventures of super tonto

look
down on the ground
quite literally
it's super tonto!
is it a slug
is it a sloth
no its super tonto!
he can stroll faster than an old lady with both hips replaced
he can leap (step) cracks in the pavement without forgetting to put the bins out
he can bend tacos as if they were nachos
yes its super tonto!
he can wear is smalls on the outside without fear of mockery
he sports a cape and doesnt suck on blood
his mask is only a bit wonky
whats this i hear?
A crimewave....!
fear not, super tonto will be here in a couple of weeks to foil the evil doers
whats that you say?
an asteroid on a collision course with the earth....!
stay calm, super tonto will look into it in due course, just after he watched another few eposides of futurama
how can it be?
a foreign power has declared war....?
be still tender one, super tonto will sue for peace and dissuade the aggressors with his waning charms and 90 percent of the GDP for the next 120 years
Can it be possible?
the outbreak of a killer pandemic....?
Remain indoors, super tonto will destroy it with medical research that was unfortunately cancelled by a pseudo religious government leaving only a bit of dettol

Now all this has been pointed out, super tonto will put the phone down and go away quietly