Kazakhstan
The Kazakhi national anthem.. (ahem)
kazakhstan greatest country in the world
all other countries are run by little girls
kazakhstan number one exporter of potassium
other countries have inferior potassium
kazakhstan home of dipshit swimming pool
it's length thirty metre and width six metre
filtration system a marvel to behold
it remove 18 percent of human solid waste
kazakhstan, kazakhstan, you very nice place
from plains of tarashenk, to northern fence of jewtown
kazakhstan friend of all except uzbekistan
they very nosey people with bone in their brain
kazakhstan industry best in world
we invented toffee and the trouser belt
kazakhstan prostitutes cleanest in the region
except of course for turkmenistan's
kazakhstan, kazakhstan, you very nice place
from plains of tarashenk, to northern fence of jewtown
come grasp the mighty penis of our leader
from junction with the testes to tip of it's face
Travel advice-I wouldnt mention a particular film if i were you...
Kenya
After only recently escaping from hurricane beavis it seems that Kenya is getting back on its national feet. Compared to that, the nasty, pasty politcal/genocidal behaviour of a couple of years back was nowt, zilch, zero. I got chased around a pub by kenyan prostitutes, one even followed me into the toilets, apparently they all have aids, sigh. I didn't hang around long, but Nairobi is a very strange place, looks like it could be a new world city, only that people stopped looking after it 30 years ago. In kenya you can go to the beach in mombassa, or see crazy animals on safari, instead I went to the hard rock cafe.(it wasn't my decision dammit!)
Travel advice-stay away from the north of the country because the muslim nutters from somalia are infiltrating and we know what that means boys and girls!
Kiribati
Sure it is. An island (some islands?) in the pacific with not many people I am guessing. Probably in big trub with rising ocean levels and all that biz. Poor buggers
Travel advice-go ask a travel agent bunghole!
Korea (North)
An unfortunate country in asia, unfortunate in the sense that its near china and run by a stalinist nut job who loves elvis and western movies. He treats the whole show like his own personal fiefdom and the north koreans live total isolation and extreme poverty, some even escape to china which shows just how shit it must be. There was the first substantial bit of WW2 cold war biffo there which then invented MASH for us. Their 'great' leader starred in the film 'Team America' and sung this fab song:
I was sent from planet Xiron to conquer the earth
I had a terrific plan — I thought it would work
Tried to get the Earthlings all to kill each other you see
But it all went wrong and now I must decree…
You are worthless Alec Baldwin, you are worthless Alec Baldwin
You failed in every way and now my stock in you has fallen
Your career is stallin’ and you’re worthless Alec Baldwin
That’s why I blew your head off and your children are all bawlin’
Planet Xiron is inhabited with Xipods like me
But also with Balmacs who are giant bees
The Xipods and Balmacs are at constant war
So we wanted a new home and that’s what Earth was for
But you are worthless Alec Baldwin, you are worthless Alec Baldwin
You fucked up my whole plan and now Xiron is smeared with Balmac pollen
Your garbage needs some haulin’ and you’re worthless Alec Baldwin
Now I must return home a failure — I’m afraid the pit of Kryrok is callin’…
But it seems he failed in conquering the world...sigh
Travel Advice-go there, assassinate Kim Jong Turd and escape with a jetpack!
Korea (south)
They didnt get the kim jong turd treatment luckily for them, but they did get stuck with a nutjob neighbour constantly threatening to nuke them and near neighbours with great recent humanitarian records, china and japan. Still, apparently everything is pretty good in South Korea, they have a functioning democracy and they are allowed to protest about american cows in an orderly manner. I once met a south Korean in mexico that spoke spanish, how very confusing.
Travel advice-don't expect people to love you just because you saw that film 'my teacher, mr kim', it just doesnt happen
Kuwait
It is just little really and plonked on the bottom of Iraq, which is not a great place to find yourself. I am not sure whether Kuwait really existed or was just invented to piss off saddam hussein. Anyway, it worked and he invaded it and fucked everybody over until godblessamerica showed up nad got to be a big bully again. Another muslim country, unfortunately for them (particularly the women) but a rich one in this case because of the oil business.
Travel advice-don't tell them you are saddam hussains fourth cousin, unless you want to stop existing.
Kyrgyzstan
It's a stan, and probably a minor one at that. Hence the usual guff, central asia, former soviet satellite state and something about stans in general. They do seem to have an awful lot of consonants though, dont they? Maybe vowels are really pricey in kyrgyzstan?
Travel advice-before going there, change your own name to stan, just to fit in like...
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