Sunday, April 18, 2010
what's the story?
large bay windows before him
the wooden blinds drawn
light slips in the the joins of the slats
he taps away feverishly but regularly
the blinds drawn now
the sun streams in
distant trees and and manicured gardens
the facing skyscrapers of a megalopolis
distant movement in a couple of windows
the man types on
beyond the dark rooftops
boats ease slowly, imperceptibly across the distant bay
children run amok in the schoolyard below as the sky dims
shouting and bickering in groups and launching balls about
the chair empty as the typewriter sits at rest
an orange light radiates from below the treetops
an unopened letter now sits under the lamp
small rectangles of unnatural light from the facing building catch the eye
the writer seated again typing furiously now
as if to imprint an idea before it flees
the cigarette smoke drifts up from behind his brown hair
the rat-a-tat of the keys ricochets off the walls
only tiny lights from distant freighters over the dark marine emptiness
silence has fallen over the old school building and foregrounds
the memories of childish squeals hang like ghosts by the quadrangle stairs
the light of the desk lamp throws the white panes in relief
the authors figure is in silhouette, immovable
voices creep in from an adjoining room
the typewriter sits in solitude in the crude electric light
brown wooden shutters emanate a Nordic feel
darkness and silence as the typewriter sits once again solidly and solemnly
the eternal inanimate object
Saturday, April 17, 2010
she was b
reginald groomed himself
esther didnt want to discuss the obvious
salmonman suspected she was up to something
and last but not least...
nathalie took all the details down in her pocketbook
Monday, April 12, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Friday, April 09, 2010
addio e grazie mille nonna...

today in deepest southern melbourne
there was a get together
more than a hundred people showed
nice things were said
and probably a few not-so-nice things were thought
old acquaintances were renewed
even though some probably didnt want to
a bit of public speaking went on
singing the praises of one old person in particular
a man belonging to an archaic institution said his bit
plenty of tears were shed
after the formalities a fair amount mingling occurred
more than some of it was awkward
photos were gawked at
and reminiscing was afoot
it was a sad day
at least thats my best guess...
Wednesday, April 07, 2010
pacs-man romanus

there is a lot to like about the romans
i dont mean the shouting, vespa riding and madly gesticulating ones
i mean the ones from the empire
you know
thracia, illyria, gallia, hibernia and all that jazz
they had some really fab ideas
acqueducts that brought water from afar
super straight roads that covered a continent
gladitorial fights to the death
magnificent edifices such as the pantheon, circus maximus and colosseums etc
they had gods for all kinds of cool things including Bacchus, the god of wine, Cardea, the goddess of thresholds, Cloacina, goddess of sewers and Nodutus, god who made knots in stalks of wheat
they devised new ways of waging war
organised massive orgies
promoted art of the highest forms
indulged in cheeses, wines and pure hedonism
developed many different sciences including philosophy and astronomy
ruled the entire known world
had cool names like Severus, Flavius and Scipio
and their most magnificent achievement?
they threw christians to the lions!!! Brilliant!
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
all quiet on the southern front
not for a second because of lack of events
more an over abundance of them
one larger than most
which involves a person not being around any more
when a person is not around any more
that can knock a blog a bit askew
this blog has been pointing north-south-west
where the view is a bit rubbish
and a bit gloomy and buio
BUT
the night is always buioest before the alba
donchano?
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
bills sons pointy bits
there was bollocks
there was beer
there was tent
there was wombats
there was barbecues and belgians
there was beer and car and bollocks
and wombats
there was ducks and rosellas and flaming galahs
there was sun and there was shade
there was quiet
there was books
there was under the boardwalk
there was sun
there was a fantastic fox
there was snooze
there was fucking wombats
there was bad news
there was more bad news
there was unfunny man
there was a grey kangaroo called dude
there was beach and there was river
there was splash
there was fro
there was beer and there was barbecue
there was new beach and there was germans
there was chats
there was car
there was ouch...
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
fucking equal opportunity offender
brown people-fuck off
yellow people-fuck you
black people-fuck that
tall people-go fuck yourselves
short people-fuckfaces
average median heighters-fuckers
male people-fuckwits
female people-fuckheads
transgender people-really fucked up
skinny people-stupid fucks
fat people-fat fucks
normal stature people with no body image problems-fucking eejiots
hirsute people-hairy fuckers
baldy people-shiny fuckers
religious people-particularly stupid fuckheads
non-religious people-still pretty fucked
happy people-shut the fuck up
unhappy people-miserable fucks
medicated people-junkie fuckheads
stupid people-fucking fucked fuckheads
clever people-smart fucking-arses
people of average intelligence-boring MOR fucklegs
smug people-god i fucking hate you
insecure people-poor fuckers
arrogant people-fuck right off!
young people-i never did one damn good thing before i was over fucking thirty
old people-crusty fuckers
squared-glassed coffee sippers-fucking twats
soft drinking people-stomach fucked fuckers
water drinking people-soggy fucks
corrupt people-evil fucknobs
do-goody people-bland fucksticks
young liberals-fucking get fucked
young laborals-im fucking going
tasmanians-ive never met any
everyfuckingbody else; fucking fucking fuckity fuck fuck off!
OH,
AND HAVE A NICE DAY!!!
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
the weather is here, wish you were beautiful
these are OP's photos of the following things I might have or might not have seen: Squeakily Beach, A grey kangaroo not called Dude, some rosellas, not dave the duck, some galahs pre-flaming, tidal river with whale rock, stormin norman bay, storman normin bay and tidal river annnnnnnnddd evil wombats that break into your tent and eat your oats.






Monday, March 22, 2010
dates for the prom
13/03/10
14/03/10
15/03/10
16/03/10
17/03/10
18/03/10
19/03/10
20/03/10
21/03/10
coming soon: proms for the dates
Friday, March 12, 2010
where the wild things might be
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Monday, March 08, 2010
rose coloured windscreen?
the world according to GDPcheck out japan, the fat bastards!
click to embiggen
then go to www.worldmapper.org for more cool stuff
mmkay?
Saturday, March 06, 2010
biggest hypocrites in the world do something hypocritical!
Gay prostitution scandal rocks Pope Benedict
"Pope Paedophile the 258th- "i will have.... ummm it's too hard! ...all of them!"
A St Peter’s Basilica chorister has been caught allegedly procuring male prostitutes for a Gentleman of His Holiness
Pope Benedict XVI is embroiled in a deeply embarrassing scandal after it emerged that a senior member of his household has been implicated in a gay prostitution ring, along with a St Peter's Basilica chorister.
The latest sexual scandal to rock the Vatican came to light yesterday when it was revealed that the chorister, 29-year-old Thomas Chinedu Ehiem, had been sacked for allegedly procuring male prostitutes for a papal gentleman-in-waiting.
Angelo Balducci, a Gentleman of His Holiness who serves in the Vatican's Apostolic Palace, had negotiated with Ehiem, a Nigerian-born Vatican chorister, over the specific physical attributes of the men he wanted brought to him.
The details of how Balducci and Ehiem were caught out reads like a storyline from cult US crime drama The Wire, after police wiretaps captured the pair's incriminating conversations.
Balducci, who is also a senior Italian government official, had originally been under investigation for corruption. The wiretaps were set up as part of a police probe into the awarding of contracts to build public works. Balducci was arrested on corruption charges on February 10 - the allegations of prostitution emerged only later.
The transcripts suggest that over a period of around five months in 2008, Ehiem procured for Balducci at least 10 male prostitutes. They included "two black Cuban boys", a former male model from Naples and a rugby player from Rome.
The wiretaps also showed that at least one of the men was a seminarian, studying to join the priesthood. In one transcript, recorded in January, Balducci is quoted as asking Ehiem: "At what time does he have to return to the seminary?"
It is by no means the first time the Roman Catholic Church has been tainted by a sex scandal. In recent years several paedophilia scandals have thrown light on the abuse of children by priests in Ireland, Germany and the United States over decades. And in 2007 the Vatican suspended a senior official who was filmed apparently propositioning a young man in his office.
Har Har!!! all we need now is a a bit of localised pestilence in rome to wipe the fuckers out!
nananananana goatfleet
thats a very brave thing you did
you dont watch a whole lotta news...
i want you to keep this quiet
i said it couldnt hurt your chances
hey man, that aint right!
tonight you are all going to be part of a special experiment
you made it, im so thrilled
maybe we could share one
until their spirit breaks completely
all it takes is just a little push
its about whats fair
people will lose hope
because thats what needs to happen
sometimes people need to have their faith rewarded
OR
something about public transport...
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
it's marzo, mars and marzo again...

some notable people that were born in march:
Nik Kershaw
Glen Miller
My brother George
Lou Reed
Mikhail Gorbachev
Dr. Seuss
schnaabag extraordinaire Michelle
Antonio Vivaldi
Michelangelo buonarotti
Rick Mayall
Ivan Lendl
budding rockstar Chris 8ton
Yuri Gagarin
Amerigo Vespucci
Osama Bin Liner
Douglas Adams
Sara on the yonder Riva
Jack Kerouac
Albert Einstein
Bernardo Bertolucci
Rudolf Nureyev
La Jota
Ronaldhino
Gary Oldman
Marcel Marceau
Joan Crawford
Harry Houdini
Aretha Franklin
Leonard Nimoy
Johann Sebastian Bach
Rolf Harris
Kenneth Thornham Chatley
Vincent Van Gogh
Rene Descartes
who ever heard of a.....
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Saturday, February 27, 2010
777

777 is a auspicious number in many asian countries
777 was at some point a brand of cigarettes
777 is the title of a big fuckoff boeing flavoured aeroplane
777 is most likely a bus number in some rubbish places
777 is also the name of countless other shitty products and shonky services, some indeed possibly nearly as daft as...
777 is the number of this blog posting
Thursday, February 25, 2010
bogans and indians...
There are protests and sit ins and all kinds of righteous indignance and carry on as indian students here and commentators and politicians at home wax lyrical about their awful treatment. Australian politicians scurry off to india to kiss brown arse and reassure about how australia is safe place to send their money (i mean children, to come study in our expensive universities etc).
This horseshit is coming from a country with a caste system that rendered the majority of the population literally "untouchable"and religious and ethnic violence on a sickening scale, international sports teams are attacked and foreigners are targeted by terrorist groups. If you have slightly darker skin in india, you are a leper. Leading members of the Indian community in Australia, people that have been here for years, not just shown up to do a dodgy course to swindle residency and expecting special treatment, have come out to say that there is no history of indians being specifically targeted in racial violence.
The childish hysteria continues despite the fact that police and governmental statisticians clearly show that indians are much safer here than in their own country, are NOT targeted in racial attacks and often naively put themselves in situations where australians would not ie. suburban train stations at midnight
Australia has an unfortunate history of racism, just ask the indigenous locals, but spoilt indians who are used to others bowing and scraping to them are not suffering from it any more than other minority groups.
So shut the fuck up and read the following you over-privileged shit bags!
http://www.theage.com.au/national/localborn-more-at-risk-of-assault-20100218-oiuv.html
Local-born more at risk of assault
DAVID ROOD
February 19, 2010PEOPLE born overseas are less likely to be assaulted than those born in Australia, according to new Australian Bureau of Statistics data.
The national survey found that those born in Australia were more than twice as likely to be the victim of a physical assault.
It showed an assault rate of 3.6 per cent for Australian-born people, or 445,000 victims, compared with an assault rate of 1.7 per cent, or 82,000, for those born in other countries.
The new data comes as international debate rages over the extent of racism involved in the spate of attacks on Indian students.
The assault rate for people born in non-English speaking countries was 1.4 per cent.
The Crime Victimisation Survey found Victoria's assault rate of 3.3 per cent, or 142,000 victims, was above the national average of 3.1 per cent.
Opposition Leader Ted Baillieu seized on the report, saying it showed Victoria was not the safest state in the country, a claim regularly made by Premier John Brumby. ''Labor's policies have failed to properly protect Victorians, and violent crime is only increasing,'' he said.
Police Minister Bob Cameron said the survey confirmed the government faced a challenge to reduce Victoria's assault rate, but showed most Victorians felt safe.
''Our government has taken tough action to give police the powers they need to drive down assaults,'' he said.
The national Crime Victimisation Survey, conducted in 2008-09, asked more than 25,000 people aged 15 and older about their experience of crime.
It also found 77 per cent of female victims - as opposed to half of males - knew the offender, with just under half of the assaults occurring in the home.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Now that's a good idea, she said, she said
Switzerland millionaire hit by record speed fine
| The tycoon was reportedly driving a Ferrari 57km/h (35mph) over the limit |
A Swiss millionaire has been handed down a record speeding fine of $290,000 (£180,000) by a court.
The man was reportedly caught driving a red Ferrari Testarossa at 137km/h (85mph) through a village.
The penalty was calculated based on the unnamed motorist's wealth - assessed by the court as $22.7m (£14.1m) - and because he was a repeat offender.
It is more than double Switzerland's previous record speeding fine - handed to a Porsche driver in Zurich in 2008.
In the latest case, the motorist was clocked speeding 57km/h (35mph) faster than the limit, according to the cantonal court in St Gallen, eastern Switzerland.
"The accused ignored elementary traffic rules with a powerful vehicle out of a pure desire for speed," the court said in its judgement.
Swiss media reported that the man owns a villa with five luxury cars, including the Ferrari.
Next year-Swiss kid gets $52,000 fine for jaywalking...
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
the rainbow rinse...
lolling under a blanket
tiny fingers and impossibley tender
is that what they all rant about?
at only a few days old he's speaking in rhymes
he's wisely skeptical of that bobbed brunette
the former friend who lost herself
walking along the path by river
i know that brown river
i know that brown-haired girl
she now sits by the path
chattering with her girlfriends as girls will do
she brushes aside my salute
i walk on perturbed by this snub
emboldened and angered i turn on my heel
demand that we speak
demand that we parley
she doesnt care
so i tell her how crap and selfish she is
how she let us down
her friends are silenced and appalled
one of those friends is a face from the past
somebody who was in the right place at the wrong time
an orange crush?
she pursues me to scold
"dont i know you?"
fade to black
...
strolling by the same river in a different world
forget something or somebody
its necessary
climb up the stairwell
he man says its no good
you have to walk all the way back
skip to the camping
or was it someone else?
a bearded paternal figure
the campfire flames leap up and out
colouring the night sky
but not threatening
only in a picturesque manner
but the stairwell was so distant
all those posessions were unobtainable
my winter coat
the creased leather satchel
and the sagging canvas tent
...
Sunday, February 21, 2010
more days than two, less days than four
Three days was the morning.
My focus three days old.
My head, it landed to the sounds of cricket bows...
I am proud man anyway...
Covered now by three days...
Three ways was the morning.
Three lovers, in three ways.
We knew when she landed, three days she'd stay.
I am a proud man anyway...
Covered now by three days...
We saw shadows of the morning light
the shadows of the evening sun
till the shadows and the light were one.
Shadows of the morning light
the shadows of the evening sun
till the shadows and the light were one...
True hunting is over.
No herds to follow.
Without game, men prey on each other.
The family weakens by the bite we swallow...
True leaders gone, of land and people.
We choose no kin but adopted strangers.
The family weakens by the length we travel...
All of us with wings...
All of us with wings...
All of us with wings!
All of us with wings!
All of us with wings!
All of us with wings!
Erotic Jesus lays with his Marys.
Loves his Marys.
Bits of puzzle, hitting each other.
All now with wings!
'Oh my Marys! Never wonder... Night is shelter for nudity's shiver...'
All now with wings...
Friday, February 19, 2010
NFTB-News From The Behind...
headline-american christian missionaries in legal trouble in haiti for stealing children
dedline-shock as christians do something fucking stupid
headline-israel assassinates hamas leader using fake european passports
dedline-now that is fucking amazing considering how israel is normally not a complete and utter racist cunt of a country
headline-bomb blast in pakistans khyber region kills loads and injures loads more
dedline-religion is really and big clever innit?
headline-china has tanty about obama meeting dalai lama
dedline-phony communist tyrants dont like people with rhyming names meeting
headline-japanese whaling arseholes keep killing whales for 'science' and australian government is too chicken shit to say anything
dedline-Eugenics was considered a 'science' in nazi germany too, axis of coincidence?
headline-Leader of Australian 'Liberal' party and opposition leader tries to make political capital from human suffering.
dedline- little reptilian slimeball lives up to party tradition, ie tampa, indigenous people etc
Thursday, February 18, 2010
a tribute from madrid
EXACT translation:
"Hi i'm lovely Ana Ibanez Llorente from the Spanish national broacaster, RTVE, I love the limebeaver, I've even heard of him and think he is really hot, I cant wait to see him and snog him silly. www.limebeaver.blogspot.com is my favourite online place coz it's its full of fascinating, riveting and poignant stuff....
So, lets all send loads of wonga to its genial creator in 2010!"
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
a proper blog
not much chop really
a bit of a letdown in truth
and a bit thin around the edges
and the middle is mostly filler
what is required in this world is proper blogs
not this parade of pantywaste
blogs of consequence
blogs that provide valid social commentary
blogs that hold up a mirror to our world
blogs that tackle the big issues of which the traditional media is a'feard
cue http://niccageaseveryone.blogspot.com/
with more nicolas cage than one could possible hope for!
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
bang bang doof doof
some butthole is going bang bang
and when he gets bored with that he goes doof doof
its most relaxing
whats he building in there?
perhaps hes a bloody christian
and god told him that he is no-a remeated
so hes constructing a new joanof
sure its been raining goats and llamas
but its no reason
and the colours take me down
to build a big arsed boat
unless hes not
maybe hes building a secret prison cell
to keep his prisoners in
the ones from the not-so-great-war
that wasnt at all the war-to-end-all-wars
there are rumblings on the streets
might be the articulated lollies
or the poor captured beings from lavatory 7
currenlty living under a pub
whats he building in there?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
almost famous

well, the next suburb across from it...
i've been hobnobbing
and not of the biscuit variety
hanging with the peeps
the peeps of the media biz
just the other day i was on the radio again
artfully cracking wise on politics
with my big mate biggsy
twere only recently that i was talking overseas airfares
and comparing exotic locales visited
with my super chum Bec
one time megastar in the firmament of audio goodness
golly gosh
the pressure!
im liable to go a bit bonkers
shave my head and go out without any knickers on!
cor blimey!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
an infinity of toilets and gates


everywhere i look
there they are
a parade of toilets
a promenade of gates
they are omnipresent
toilets! toilets! toilets!
gates! gates! gates!
perhaps the toilets seek me out...
maybe the gates think that im their cup of tea...
one doesnt like to presume
but two does.
i dont see what have i, what have i
done to deserve this...
i pray to almighty figa
i prey on unfriendly gophers
i sacrifice three dozen meat eaters trimesterally
but yet..
its fucking gates and toilets as far as the virtual eye can see
arse! shit! fuck! drink! girls! feck!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
giant bird frenzy
in a shocking incident, fat-faced australian news bloke peter hitchener on Channel Shit As Possible was menaced by a giant seagull. It strutted past him then decided he was too much of a butthole and moved on...
next week: giant lavatory paper roll squashes reality dance show judge wanker...
Friday, February 05, 2010
eight times pank
there are only eight times pank!
i would have imagined there would be more!
at least a couple of dozen!
but thats how lacking the world is when it comes to pank!
SOD GLOBAL WARMING OF GAY PALESTINIAN WHALES, WE NEED MORE PANK!
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
arse shavin' with the window closed
what's that?
you dont care about football?
you dont like juvenile humour?
you think that puppets are crap?
you dont know who rooney, mourinho and eriksson are?
GOOD.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
jackland and billian
he sure is taking his sweet time
just lounging about while the world spins madly
there's just no knowing which one will turn up
will it be japing and jovial jackland
or brilliant and bellicose billian
either one is fine by me
which is completely irrelevant coz I've got no say in it
the only sentient beings that even have the slightest idea
well
they are keeping their counsel to themselves
and rightly so
as they float above us
mostly
in the green lands
they will be the first to know
which of the chaps shows his face
or is
given the light...
Sunday, January 31, 2010
prince wholliam comes to visit
he got off with a koala and kissed a baby and the usual hogwash and the media went into a frenzy..
who gives a shit?
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
osstraya day 2010
it goes a bit like thisat some time 60,000 or so years ago a small group of brown people boarded some rickety rafts and crossed over the the little bit of water separating a big island from the archipelago which is now indonesia...
as time went on their decendants and some newcomers spread all over this enormous chunk of land and developed a sophisticated series of cultures and languages...
they lived this way for tens of thousands of years, largely in peace and learned to live from the land in some of the harshest environments on earth.
THEN... it all went wrong on this very day in 1788 some pale people showed up, stuck a stick in the ground with a prettily patterned cloth on it, proclaimed that it belonged to some inbred fools with silly hats on a cold tiny island on the farthest part of the earth and called it osstraya.
over the next 200 years more and more of the pale people arrived and gradually took over the entire continent, disposessing, killing and systematically trying to breed the brown people out of existence because they were inferior. they felled the vast majority of forests and brought their foreign animals to provide food. These animals had hard hooves unlike any local animals and they destroyed the thin layer of top soil, turning the land into desert.
they also brought other animals such as rabbits and mice, which then escaped and bred like rabbits and mice which dominated the scarce food supplies. in addition they brought carnivores which escaped and hunted the local fauna, which was defenceless against these new predators. These factors caused a wave of extinction of a series of animals that had evolved to live in this unique environment, isolated by water for millions of years. the brown people that endured were until recently treated as second rate people in their own country, not allowed to vote and without any rights. Today this island is one of the richest on earth yet the majority of the brown people live in poverty in third world conditions, with a substancially lower life expectancy than the pale people...
it is the anniversary of that stick with a prettily patterned cloth being thrust into the ground that we 'celebrate' today....
n.b The brown people don't call this day osstraya day, they have another name for it-invasion day
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
the cocaine in spain falls mainly in the lidl
| 3/01/01 |
"Something went wrong" Police surrounded Lidl supermarkets across Madrid and sniffer dogs examined the fruit section of every one of the discount supermarkets after a Lidl store worker found packages of cocaine inside the bananas he was putting on display. Lidl's said that the discovery was "a shock" and said it was cooperating with police, according to El Mundo newspaper. It appears that bananas were slit open and small packages of the drug hidden inside the fruit before it left Ecuador. A Lidl's store worker told of how "three or four police cars turned up in the carpark and sealed off the fruit section, before sending dogs through; they then put all the fruit on a central table and opened them. Occasionally they would shout out "here's one!" as they ripped the fruit apart looking for drug bags". Police say that they assume someone was to have intercepted the drug once it arrived in Spain. However, for whatever reason, Lidl representatives bought the fruit at open auction in Madrid's fruit market (Mercamadrid) before distributing it to supermarkets across Madrid.Cocaine infected bananas have been found at six different Lidl's across Madrid, as well as their Caceres and Plascencia stores, all supplied by Mercamadrid. Police say that obviously the supermarket had nothing to do with the drug, having simple bought the fruit at open market - Police are now trying to dis over why the drug traffickers did not intercept the drug before it reached open market. Lidl has removed all Madrid sourced bananas from sale across the central region of Spain, according to press reports. Early reports that the drug was actually heroin have been corrected. |
Friday, January 22, 2010
bloody fucking zanzarre
midnight really sleepy, up with the adventures of daniel sempere and co, lights out
12.02 fucking zanzarre!
12.06 fucking zanzarre!
12.07-12.40 fucking zanzarre
12.41 fuck this. lights on and a bit more of la sombra
1.02 really bloody sleepy, lights out
1.04 fucking zanzarre!
1.05-13.20 mother fucking zanzarre
1.21 fuck this, lights on
1.25 out the back for a fag
1.32 take a wazz, back to bed
1.35-1345 a quck eye on senor sempere
1.46-super fucking tired, lights out
1.47-14.15 shitting fucking zanzarre
2.16-14.20 lights on, zanzarra hunt, no luck
2.20-2-55 fucking bloody shitting bastard zanzarre
2.56 get bitten, scratch arse, bloody zanzarre!
3.04 kill nasty little zanzarra, hope revived
3.09-3.32 more of daniel sempere's adventures
3.33 now to sleep! huzzah!
3.36 mother fucking arse rectinol cunting zanzarre
3.37 - 3.45 lights on, where are the fuckers hiding!
3.46 go out back for a fag
3.57-3.14 read a little more
3.15 lights out, vain atttempt at sleep
3.18-3.41 fucking zanzarre
3.42 consider moving to couch in desperation
3.44 think- why me? the world is a shit of a place!
3.55-4.22 fucking bloody arseing stronzi di zanzarre
4.23-4.44 lights on, further viente in the sombra
4.45 plan to kill every insect on earth, including john howard
4.47 think- these are smart prick zanzarre, with camouflage, will they one day rule the earth?
4.49-5.06 fucking zanzarre
5.07 HA! kill other zanzarra
5.08 parade around room in underpants celebrating resounding defeat of zanzarre (hopefully)
5.11-5.40 indulge in a little further ththpanish reading
5.41 lights off, now off to glorious sleep at last
5.43-6.11 adrenalin surge of momentous victory prevents sleep, fucking zanzarre
6.13 pop sleeping pill and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
national lampoon rubbish vacation 2
Monday, January 18, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
fairy liquid
Thursday, January 14, 2010
oooohhhh ohhhh tyrant
he had a big red bag
he swung it high
then he swung it low
he swung it all over the show
he had big boots
with big ol' heels
with which he kicked some heads
and stomped on the reds
his upper lip bristled
when he got cranky
it was most clearly unwaxed
or his patience was taxed
he sat atop a gilted throne
and peered down at the plebs
begging and beseeching
flailing and screeching
he demanded tribute and gold
to be brought from all around
the smifs from round your way
and the canstandyas over the bay
he needs no plebiscite to rule
twas gods that put him there
they spoke to him alone
on that rocky outcrop
did tell him he werent no common slop
he'll reign til kingdom come
til the 4 goats of armagedden it
pishting lens, whore, fame and def jam
they will wreak havoc and this erf
and take him up alone, or maybe with a serf
wot rot...
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Thursday, January 07, 2010
you broke a beautiful thing
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
befanarama
La grande festa dell' epifania per tutti i bambini a Piazza Navona a Roma che ogni anno si ripete con tanti bellissimi doni
La Befana è una vecchia brutta e gobba, con il naso adunco e il mento aguzzo, vestita di stracci e coperta di fuliggine, perchè entra nelle case attraverso la cappa del camino.
Infatti la notte tra il 5 e il 6 gennaio, mentre tutti dormono infila doni e dolcetti nelle calze dei bambini appese al caminetto.
Insomma, è una sorta di Babbo Natale in gonnella!
Ai bambini buoni lascia caramelle e dolcetti, a quelli cattivi lascia pezzi di carbone.
La Befana si festeggia nel giorno dell'Epifania, che di solito chiude le vacanze natalizie.
Il termine “Befana” deriva dal greco “Epifania” che significa “apparizione, manifestazione”.
Avvenne nella notte tra il 5 ed il 6 gennaio che i Re Magi fecero visita a Gesù per offrirgli oro, incenso e mirra.
Anche la Befana apparve nei cieli, a cavallo della sua scopa, ad elargire doni o carbone, a seconda che i bambini siano stati buoni o cattivi.
Una leggenda spiega la coincidenza così:
una sera di un inverno freddissimo, bussarono alla porticina della casa della Befana tre personaggi elegantemente vestiti: erano i Re Magi che, da molto lontano, si erano messi in cammino per rendere omaggio al bambino Gesù.
Le chiesero dov’era la strada per Betlemme e la vecchietta indicò loro il cammino ma, nonostante le loro insistenze lei non si unì a loro perché aveva troppe faccende da sbrigare.
Dopo che i Re Magi se ne furono andati sentì che aveva sbagliato a rifiutare il loro invito e decise di raggiungerli.
Uscì a cercarli ma non riusciva a trovarli.
Così bussò ad ogni porta lasciando un dono ad ogni bambino nella speranza che uno di loro fosse Gesù.
Così, da allora ha continuato per millenni, nella notte tra il 5 ed il 6 gennaio a cavallo della sua scopa
Friday, January 01, 2010
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
festering season
tra la la la la etcetera
its the festering season in many parts of the world
countries that had the misfortune to get brainwashed by the jesus freaks
which
as it turns out is a fair chunk of this elliptical sphere
coz those dastardly you-row-peaens spent a half millenium conquering the show
and carrying their bible bollocks with them
to 'civilize' the 'savages'
the spanish and portugese in particular
loved making the locals pray to their bearded sky dude
funny (peculiar) to think
haw haw
that before this whole scam came along
only 2000 years ago
in a history of at least 60000
the pagans in europe already had celebrations in chrimbo and easter periods
to their own equally valid and equally daft gods of earth and rain etc
then the bloody christ-o-maniacs decided to co-opt those periods
and da dah!
they became the current horseshit
and fittingly
in the last century of so the christ on a bike festival has been co-opted in turn
by the new religion
CONSUMPTION!!!
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
fooking by the book?
Gwyn sullied my pure driven etc by sharing this with me
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
stagger, stagger, stagger, crawl, crawl...
dragging ourselves by our collective lips
to the bicentennial blog of 2009
just in the neek of time
as its sort of the end of the decade
but not really
tho we shant let facts get in the way
it didnt look like it was going to happen
there were some pretty large spaces of dead calm
invoked some serious cases of cantpossiblybearsed
but the world is now a richer place
figuratively
for another 200 sub par blog postings
its cold and outside, theres no kind of atmosphere..... la la la la la
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
mary piss off mcdonalds inc

some corpse that did not actually really do anything 'miraculous'
so theres all this crap about some dead australian bint
it seems the biggest, lyingest, lechourous murderous corporation on the planet
the self-appointed bogus fanciful fiction selling multi headed hydra
the catholic church that it is
is going to make this daft fairy story peddling cow a 'saint'
amongst other idiots
including 2 ex popes
who did nothing but cause murder and suffering
ie not opposing a certain holocaust
or telling africans its worth getting aids coz god told them not to use rondoms
but here in desperate-for-attention australialandia
theres is lots of excitement because we dont have a 'saint' yet
so now we will get like the tough kids on the planetary block
coz she performed a milagro
which of course was never checked, certified or affirmed
because it was all LIES!
what a fucking crock of horse dung
huzzzahhhhh!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, December 14, 2009
Wednesday, December 09, 2009
UnHappy Kappa
happy kappa has closed down
the happy kappa was great
prolly less than 100 metres from door to dooooooh
lovely noodle dishes
sobas and udons and the like
with the a bit of fugu thrown in
and unagi don
which i'm actually permitted to eat!
run by real live friendly nihon jin
instead of chinese people who got a job coz they looked ''asian''
and it was CHEAP!!!
aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrssse!
i guess that explains why they werent answering the phone...
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
It's Alien Kill-Fuck-Marry!

a)skinny big-eyed pale little dudes from Close Encounters of the Third Kind

b)Roger the Piss-wreck from American Dad

c)Killing machine kind-of-invisible alien from Predator

d)Lamp fingered phone fiend ET

e)Put-upon martian with disintegrating disintegration ray from bugs bunny

f) nasty multi-mouthed beasty from the Alien quadrilogy
2 of each for your delectation...
Nominate now and you could be in with of a 'chance' of 'winning' a brand new shiny Fuck All...
Sunday, December 06, 2009
tonight i'm gonna rock you pt.2
sweet strumming of twin acoustic guitars
gentle cymbal tapping
a velvety voice caressing your soul via your ears
the rocking cradle of enchanting melodies
lulled away in ethereal dreaminess
except not...
fucking bugger!
Saturday, December 05, 2009
tonight i'm gonna rock you...
wackadawackadawackadawacka
boom crash crash boom
throbbity throbb
etc etc
lights and brutal wall of melody blissfully flooding senses..
ecstatic crescendo
God i've been asleep for so long...
grinning from ear to ear and drifting away
except not...
bugger
Thursday, December 03, 2009
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
eye butt
it can make your butt smaller
it can ring your friends when you dont want to talk to them
it can find you a new gay lover
it can tell you where to turn right
it can demand your dedication to a new cult
etc etc
its all overated
the phone that services the limebeaver.com organisation
now that is the dogs swingers
dont insult it with your tales of instantaneous replays
not even of the 3.25 from abu dabai
if only not coz the bubble got a royal pricking
a long, long way from peak bollocks
it dont need no gps to tell you where you arent
that is a given
it wont tell you when your goose is cooked
who the fuck needs that then?
nothng far fetched and superfluous
SUPERFLUOUS
what a word!
apart from this
it doesnt actually do anything practical
none of this taking phone calls
receiving text messsage
a lithiumo-espacial age batteronium
as if anyone would want to know the time
or listen to the radio
harrumphhh
or similar rot
your victim of technology is our breakfast
withoutout any eggs mind
powering effortlessly into the distant future
a new axiom of enterta........
Tuesday, December 01, 2009
rocket propelled sheep launcher, if you know what i mean

hobnobbing can be challenging work
blagging, ligging and wotnot
pressing the flesh into some flesh shaped moulds
this weekend saw the salubrious launch party of mahalo mel
with her hawaiin massage biz
and i didnt even know she was hawaiin
she promises all kinds of exotic things
including hawaiin himalayan rocks that apparently make you pass out
despite the fact that your kids are burning down the house
there was a coconut shy
but no milky joe
a pungent aroma of bounty bars
children to talk to
loads of delish looking punch
smoked salmon and prawns
lots of wine
and many more goodies
marvellous effort mahalo mel
Thursday, November 26, 2009
howling at the moon
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
sex, all change!
that person had a nip and tuck
not just your standard bit of the belly and eyelid hoiking
oh no
they had a big job done
and my what a big job it was
big job big job big job
this person used to be girl/woman/chick/bird/lady/wench etc
and that's no longer the case
oh no
this person is now a dude/bloke/geezer/fella/chap/boy
oh yes
and this person now does look markedly different
they had their thingies lopped off and donated to charity
they bought a wang and a pair of nads from bangladesh via ebay
got them stuck on with sticky tape
and they had a HAIRCUT!
so now she is a he
and behavioural change is underway
she/he burps in public places
she/he scratched her fake bollocks
she/he drinks loadsa beer instead of girly bacardi drinks
and now she/he is the wussiest/do-goodiest bloke thing walking the planet
YOU know who YOU are...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
ireland's handyman
its not easy being irish
things were going alright until the catholics showed up and enslaved their minds and bodies
then those dastardly english show up, invade and fuck the place up royally
they spend centuries oppressing the locals and moving in their own
when the staple crop of potatoes gets footrot
the english dont lift a finger and a million die
another million flee to england, north america and australia
only to be treated as second class citizens
finally after untold suffering the rebellion starts working
the english agree to leave but demand to keep a quarter of the island
leading to further horrible bloodshed and even worse, Ian Paisley
around the beginning of the 21st century ireland was finally becoming a wealthy nation
then an ecomomic bust befell the country and todgered it
staggeringly Ireland got to its metaphorical feet
until Thierry Henry, famous hypocrite showed up...
Saturday, November 21, 2009
the salad days

those salad days sure were heady
there is a reason why persons angle spruchkens the world over use the expression
in attedance there were lettuce and tomato and onion!
potato and olives and capsicum!
anchovies and fetta and rocket!
parmesan and egg and alfalfa!
and more besides...
in merely those three weekdays they made some enormous scientific breakthroughs
furthered human understanding
cured seven deadly contagious diseases
contacted extra terrestrial life form
and foretold the impending evil of bucks fizz
the salad days were tuesday, wednesday and friday
the 7th, 8th and 10th of February 1977
(thursday the 9th was disqualified due to a beef related incident)
most people are unaware of this specific information
its available for purchase from this site for three fiddy
little known fact is that there is a similar expression in laotian
'salad with fish sauce days'
Friday, November 20, 2009
vacaciones extranas en margarita
fue la historia de un hotel en la isla de margarita a venezuela
pero no fuera un hotel de lujo normal!
noooooooooooooooooooo!
en este hotel los clientes pagan dos cien dolares por dia
y reciben una novia per los veinte cuatro horas
no solamente una prostituta por unas horas y basta
estan propias novias
obviamente hacen el sexo
pero por el resto de el dia estan como una novia verdadera
se acompanan en las giras turisticas
se relajan en la piscina juntos
se comen todas las comidas juntos
y se bailan juntos en el bar
cuando llega al hotel un cliente todas las chicas disponibles hacen un 'casting'
donde se sientan delante de el nuevo llegado y el elige una
cada dia a los once de la manana el cliente puede cambiar la su muchacha si no es contento con la que tenia
la mayoria de los clientes son viejos, gordosisimos y non atrayentos norteamericanos o europeos
y las muchachas son todas hermosas y jovenes
por supuesto
se ve la vida que tienen las muchachas y que piensan de esta vida y trabajo
pobrecitas....
que estraneza!!!
no es una chiste.. mira-
Saturday, November 14, 2009
1950's slang thang
it aint so and heres how...
In a reputable publication somewhere out... there
somebody has compiled 1950's american slang
I instead...
have pinched it wholesale from the guardian's website and used it as a blog.
Ha!
BARBECUE;A hot-looking lady.
BOIL MY CABBAGE;Blues slang for sex.
BUCKET OF BLOOD;A spit and sawdust bar.
BUNK HABIT;Lounging around while others smoke opium, and inhaling the fumes.
BUTTER-AND-EGG;Out-of-town sucker, free with his money
CHICAGO OVERCOAT;Coffin.
CHICAGO LIGHTNING;Gunfire.
COLD MEAT PARTY;A funeral.
COMMUNITY JOY RIDE;A druggie party.
DEAD SOLDIERS;Empty beer bottles.
DIME DROPPER;An informer (someone who drops a dime in payphone to call the cops).
FACE LIKE A RUSSIAN FLAG;Embarrassed, ie red.
FLORIDA HONEYMOON;A dirty weekend.
FREE TO RUN FOR PRESIDENT;Out of work, unemployed.
HAEMOPHILIA OF THE LARYNX;A blabbermouth.
HARLEM SUNSET;Knife wounds.
HAVE ONE ON THE CITY;Drink some water.
HOT SQUAT/JUICE JOLT;The electric chair.
JACK RABBIT BLOOD;Habitual prison escaper.
KNOW YOUR GROCERIES;Be hip, aware, alert to the situation.
LONGHAIRS;Non-hipsters, squares, lovers of straight music.
MATTRESS ROUTE;Sleeping your way to the top.
MOOSE-EYES;A leering dude.
OLD ENOUGH TO VOTE;Vintage liquor or wine.
PREPARING BAIT;Putting on makeup.
PULLING THE DUTCH ACT;Committing suicide.
RIDING ACADEMY;Brothel.
ROUNDHEELS;Party girl (deriving from a supposed natural ability to regularly fall over backwards).
THE SCRAMBLE EGG TREATMENT;A sex show.
SCREWED, BLUED AND TATTOOED;A wild night out.
SINHOUND;A priest.
SNIFFING ARIZONA PERFUME;Going to the gas chamber.
STRAIGHT FROM THE FRIDGE;Cool. Obviously.
TAKEN OFF THE PAYROLL;Killed/assassinated.
THAT VIBRATES ME;I'm impressed, I really like it.
THROW THAT DIRT IN YOUR FACE;Being buried.
TORSO-TOSSER;Hootchie-coochie dancer, stripper.
VOMIT ON THE TABLE;Speak up.
WEEK AT THE KNEES;Unsuccessful courtship.
YOUR ROOF IS LEAKING;You're a bit crazy.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
aprile in novembre
una stranezza
perche era novembre
aprile in novembre
che cavolo?
e'una pelicula di nanni morretti
ma non veramente una pelicula
perche e stata fatta quasi in un senso di un documentario
communque
si trattava della sua vita in una certa epoca
attorno a 1994
il tempo del primo arrivo di berluschifo come politico
ma c'erano anche dettagli della sua vita privata
per esempio la moglie incinta
il nome della bebe
e sua vita professionale mentre stava cercando di girare un film musicale
pero la musicale di panetterie non va bene
quindi smette con quello e inizia un progetto sulle elezioni
nel frattempo faccendo dei discorso alla macchina di presa
per la maggiore parte sulle cose spaventose attorno al berluschifo
e i pericoli e schiffezze che porterebhe con se
un esempio magnifico era la storia di un amico straniero
con cui parlava del berluschifo
e lo straniero, sgomentato del potere mediatica di berluschifo
gli dice 'ma non avete le leggi anti-trust?'
purtroppo tutto e'andato storto
e nanni aveva ragione
gli italiani hanno fatto una stupidaggine tremenda
(il che ripeterebbero due volte ancora!!!!)
e berluschifo ha vinto
e fatto un casino tremendo al bel paese
il resto e' la storia
nanni aveva ragione
il peggio e' arrivato
e tutto questo e' successo in aprile in novembre
Monday, November 09, 2009
Sunday, November 08, 2009
well being
some of us are like this froggagestuck down a well
i know plenty of them
their world view is just a little bit of sky
maybe a cloud drifting by occasionally
a bird ogni tanto
or some kind of insect life
and just maybe
maybe an aeroplane or some such
WELL, at a pinch
these people make up a large part of the population
probably a half
ribbit ribbit
are you one of them?
Thursday, November 05, 2009
11 reasons i hate you, bebe
2. Your belief in a flying super-serpent that will one day save you is daft
3. The collection of 17 hot pink socks is pointless, why 17?
4. when you lie your nostrils flare up like an epileptic gnu
5. I picked you a flower and you demanded a savannah
6. The way you do that thing you do
7. You had carnal relations with John Flynn's wife
8. You give me fifty-seven flavours of hell, without a scoop
9. You think coldplay are even remotely interesting
10. You think that meet and greet involves steak and tears
11. Your eyes are a window to your colon













