2014 The Year In Review

events of inter galaxial import in 2014

frank sinatra was reincarnated as a chipmunk
a cat called thunderbastard was stuck up a tree in essex
a brutal war broke out between Arsistan and Bollocklandia
the genetic link between being a right wing cunt and inbreeding was proven
some fucking twat made a shit album
god showed up on a scooter and told us he didnt exist before flipping off humanity and disappearing in a puff of cherry flavoured smoke
a helicopter crashed into a rocket whilst getting off with a cruise ship
tits were used for feeding babies, much to the outrage of other tits worldwide
religious extremists of all kinds realized how stupidly pig ignorant they were and committed mass suicide
flexible man fellated himself, and was shit at it
a shocking disease broke out in africa, killed bazillions and white people didnt give a shit until one whitey got a runny nose
the french language was standardised until it was logical, clear and without exceptions
the swastika was given its original significance back, but couldnt be arsed so watched telly instead
and finally...
the y2k bug showed up looking a bit embarrassed, apologised for its tardiness and fucked everything up. humanity is now living in mud ditches wearing loincloths made of rupert murdoch's scrotum

bonne putain année!

maldito noël del cazzo

navidad hey?
BBT's attitude in this film sums up it up for me...
Very Bad Santa!

cuneiform uniform

             
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i wish i knew how to use photoshop...

buttockpiercer, rally?

i tried to watch this film for free the other night at the moofies... it was horrible, the acting sucked and and the story was totally unbelievable, so much so that i walked out.   it was FREE dammit and i still felt ripped off.

it was cheesy and predictable and it stank to the high skies...
I know its from a 'graphic novel', ie. childish toss, but it's still fucking tripe!

the rest of the planet seems to love it. really farking love it. imdb gave it 162 percent, podrido tomatoes gave it 17 vomit sticks out of 14.

but it was shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittt!
what am i missing?

The people's poet is dead

Alas it's true,  RIP the great Rik.

2014 World Cup group H

Belgium
belgium are just marvy of late, they have a load of good players who play in good leagues and king leopold the cunt is long dead. so vive la belgialandia!
this blog will contain no mention of waffles or chips.  arses!

Algeria
the algerian national team must be hugely highly motivated, they come from a rubbish islam farked country.  so they must want to play fab, get noticed and get the fuck out of there! they will speak french and arabic, and perhaps some  funky berber type langues to each other on the field.  and there ends any possible knowledge about algerian football, not to mention algeria, the album.

Russia
it cannot be the fault of russians and russian fitba players that they have a HUUUUGE CUNT as a leader who insists on being a HUUUUGEE CUNT all over the place.  nevertheless, it makes it a little difficult to love the team ruski.  these players and coaches have most likely never committed mass murder in chechnya, or oppressed free speech, supported murderous tyrants in syria, or stolen bits of other countries under false pretences. So, all the best to them and their unfashionable hairdos.

South Korea
or the peoples republic of that bit of that peninsula that is not run by a mad man with a fetish for 80's haircuts, South Korea are the second best team in Asia, and despite the fact that asia is fucking enormous and contains at least a third of the worlds population, isn't really much of a feat.  They are decent but never inspiring and all have had plastic surgery to make themselves look like barbie. psychos!  

2014 World Cup Group G

Germany
der mineshaft will be there, they will be tuff and they will entertain.  they might even will the whole show.  if they play like they have in recent years, thatll be okay by this limebeaver.  Bastian pig climber is a machine and they have brilliant players all over the place, Miroslav Klose to god still gets picked and scores despite seeming to be rubbish for 15 years now.watch em! (you can tell this isnt a british blog, as there is no mention of the war, ah shit it...)

Portugal
cristiano ron-ego  is playing ridiculously well and even better than leaping lioneltastic at present, and he alone could make portogallo a threat.  which will need to happen, because it is all about him, no really, just ask him.

Ghana
Ms Klu has many a clue and taught me about fish heads, and she is ghanian and well cool. so ghana rocks.. since they dropped the sobriquet 'gold coast' and left it to some classless australian bogans, their football as improved immensely.  of their current team, they have x, y and z.  and no one can fuck with that combo.

USA! USA! USA!
usa! usa! usa! have gradually evolved (at least in the fitba sense) and now actually have a fitba kulcha and a whole squad of good players.  unlike their government, team usa! usa! usa! wont set the world on fire, but they wont suck either.  goooo soccerball!

Germany of course will romp through and win the group, of bloody course.
the second place position will be hard thought after, but alfonse the tipster horse intestine says crtwat will take portugal there and then pose for 45 mins.

2014 World Cup 2014 Group F

Argentina
 lionel messy bedroom may finally come into his own this tournament.   If he does, Agy Bargy might go ahead and win the whole shebang.  and they would just lurrve that coz its being held next door in their great rivals backyard.  then again, maybe he wont and they shant because they carnt. got that? good, now fuck off.

Bosnia Herzegovina
 not to be confused with eva hot chick in bandages in the fifth element, bosnia (her cousin)  may be playing in their first ever international tournament. which, if true, is fab for a country the size of a spot on the bottom of scrappy doo.  well done those chaps. and they are half decent so could be a DAAAYNGER to other teams.

Iran
not to be confused with irangate, contragate or toiletgate have long been a not too shit team from west asia. (not farking middle east you western hemisphere centric filth!)  for a bit there they were half decent, now they are not half decent at all, and would be 2.4/5ths decent at max.  theres no shame in that. nope, no siree.but they still arent much chop

Nigeria
the frozen monkey boner stamps (as they are unofficially known) continue to be good, but not damn good enough from a big arsed mega populated and disastrously corrupt country.  they will play a few gnarli tricks, score a few tricky goals, probably lose interest and invent a new form of martial arts and in short, entertain, but go not anywhere you've heard of fast.

Argentina will win all of there games and be a delight to behold.
Nigera will prove this blog utterly incompetent and qualify second.

2014 World Cup Group E

Switzerland
rah rah switerzlandia... who have a decent team made up mostly of 2nd generation swiss.  Which won't be the case in the future as they aren't going to be having an more of johnny foreign socks kunming to town.   their best player is wolf van schnafrlarfle who wears custom made boots , custom made from dogs spleens.

Ecuador
ecuador and this blog made up a few years ago.  and i believe that the world is now a better place.  their team has some quality players from the town of hot waters inside tubular springs.  thus making them the first team with member from the town of hot waters inside tubular springs.  
but they prolly arent all that amazing outside of hot waters inside tubular springs which will
undoubtedly effect their performances, as the matches are in brasil.

France
les bleues (shockingly translated as the blues) are looking fab. well sort of. franck the stanck ribery isnt playing, so the team looks much nicer as a consequence.  but they will also look much shitter on the field coz he is a marvy footballer.
at least this time it seems they wont all have their period and bitch fight all the way out of the first round and back to france asap to get hounded by le presse.

Honduras
the national team of honduras are know as 'those whiffy el bastardoses', due to the now infamous flatulence outbreak of 1954, when 3 trainers and a display pony died a gruesome death of asphyxiation by culo expiration.  which may or not be a slur on the nation and their current football team.  They just won't be very good really.  which is a shame coz im sure they are jolly good chaps.

winner douc-e franc-e by a country (or urban if you insist) mile
second, ecuador, just out competenting switzerland and being far more entertaining about it.

2014 world cup Group D

Uruguay
lead by their brilliantly talented and exquisitely maggoty goal machine, luis bitey-bite suarez, uruguay over achieve, constantly.  for a country with a population of 124 people and 2 goats, their achievements are truly spectacular.  it is such a pity that they play like such arses.  here's hoping suarez gets struck by lightning, covered in poo.

Costa Rica
los ticos are most likely a bit crap.  which is hardly their fault really.  they come from a tiny country and players with names like fronk and scrotch.  this blog admits to having a pro nica bias and therefore can't love the ticos too much.  well done on getting there, hope you enjoy your participation ribbons.

Engerland
bah ha hah... yes it is england. the anti uruguay with their underacheivement matched only by their biennial cringeworthy conviction that this is their time to not suck.  ha! they actually have a decent team this time around and may well not be comedic, or may well be.

Italy
gli azzurri (yes one of the 23 teams called the blues) are guaranteed to almost always do well.  great coaching, tactical nous bordering on awful, awful cynicism and a quality league etc mean that they are hard to beat when they can be arsed.  plus they always look the snappiest of all teams on show. forza italia, maybe.

group winners will be italy, unless somebody causes a crisis by hiding all their hair products.
second will be gah, england, as they are due a decent showing. Fear not, they will crap it as soon as they play a proper team.

2014 world cup Group C

Ivory coast
the whacky west africans have 17 players called toure... there is yaya, kolo, frodo, eiffel, slowpoke and the other guys. this means that they are farken good.  their team is called the slippery rhino dung brothers.  insert more rubbish here;


Greece
the team with the most syllables in the UUNIVERSE! (except perhaps sri lanka) and the least amount of goals scored whilst boring all watchers to death. they won something in an excruciating manner a dozen years ago.  And they still don't deserve to be forgiven.  fuck you dolphins!

Japan
the blue samurai apparently have figured out how to score goals.  one would think somebody would have told them before, but....  this means that they are damn good now.  kore wa goal desu! the best team in the aysiiia, usually entertaining.. me likey them

Colombia
the recent news of striker-gah means that colombia will be well shat off.  theyve lost falcao, who is brillo pads.  still, colombia play funky,if-a-bit-rolly-on-the-floory football and have plenty of other way rad players.

Prediction- Japan will shock everybody and win the group.  ichi fucking ban!
Colombia will be second as colombians are fab people, and colombian chicks are saucy.

2014 world cup -Group B

THIS IS THE GROUP OF DEAAAATTHTHTHH!

spain
reigning word champions, winners of the last 2 euro championships and generally pretty fab.  espana may not be as amazingly good as they were with people getting old et al. but they are still farken amazing.  maybe a certain doctor in spain with blood bags will need to up his smack game?

netherlands
runners up from the last world cup when they betrayed their sexy football theorem to play thugby instead. it got them all the way to the karate chop final, when the lost the espana.. and thank fuck for that.  they won't be bergkamp cool. but they will still be fab.

chile
the darkest horse in the in the darkest trunks from the darkest corner in hells racecourse, chile could go a long way and will be majorly bummed to be in this group with two of the best teams in giro.   they also play brilliant attacking football, which means that despite the fact that their spanish is incomprehensible, they rock that fitba boat.

australia
oh fucking dear. re-building, re-amoristising and looking to the footcha... thanks for coming and lets try to not be embarassed.

spain will win the group
the nether regions will be second
the chileans will be hard done by the duck
australia will not get a point.. but its all about the footcha!

2014 world cup (of fitba)! Group A

gueeyy! it's nearly that time again and as Aldo can't be bothered reporting from on the ground in brazillandia... limebeaver etc is bringing you all you dont need to know for sporting and gaming needs at the copa do mundo (o algo)
Starting surprisingly with .... Group A!


Brasil
Brasil (they call it that, and they should fucking know) are just fucking great at football.
they are the bestest team that has ever kicked a round thing into a net. Ever since the world cup was made worth pooping on, Brasil have been up there, and near there and have done it an uber saucy manner.  Sure, they dont play the funky attacking way they once did as they have suffered from the homogenisation of the whirrrld game, and play a bit more sensibly, and a bit less excitingly, they still rock.  AND, they are at home james!
nb 23.7 percent of all players at the world cup will be brasilians, just that most of them will have been naturalised to crap countries... smoke that and stay fashionable!

Croatia
they do luffly chequered shirts, like they just stole the table cloths from italian restaurants, but they also continue to make great fitba players.  As far the current bun lot goes, ive no fecking idea, but they wont be shit!

Mexico
Sure Mexico just lost one or their best players to injury, which is better than losing him in a bet over coffee beans. And theres the whole 'not really achieving much in world cups despite having good players' thing.  but mexico and mexicans fucking rock.  and without guateltocsplayan blanco, all the players certifiably have necks.  Tis about farking time, Mexico will rule the interspace!

Cameroon
research would inform us that cameroon are this and that.
but research doesnt exist on planet limebeaver. funk dat!
we proclaim that roger milla will come back at age approx. 252 and still be farking amazing.  Cameroon will fly the like the swooping butt cranes they are and dazzle everybody with exhilarating play and a large disco ball made of mirrors.

you complain about myprediction-
winner-brasil of course... they are farking brasil and they are playing in brasil!
2nd-Mexico di corsa... they are due a fabbo tourny and 100 million personas chidas lo merita!

you cannot polish one, but you sure can tattoo one...

AND
what is the fucking deal with all these morons with tattoos?
im such and individual, I is!
its my way of expressing my personality
with a chinese character on my back butt
its tribal man
i belong to a tribe, of dimwitted brainless morons
im just like a maori or an african or sumfink...

this will look so cool when i get a tracheotomy when i grow up...

 im a hipster mongoloid, look at my pwetty arms, they have colours on them!

 am i being mysterious yet?


all aboard the blandwagon....

playing at home with souxsie...

whats that you say?

you've still got traces of lysergic acid diethylamide floating around in your system from your misspent youth?

just occasionally you still have fleshbecks?

watch this and see if your head explodes....

its mennal innit?

bearded tosspots

what the fuck is with these 20 year old 'hipster' fuckwits with huge beards?

 not only do they look spectacularly moronic... but these wankers scream for attention and approval

oh look everybody, i'm an individual like everybody else!!

these imbeciles of the highest order are perhaps even more pathetic than the identikit yuppy pricks that infest the planet...
watch them cluster together like gormless conformist sheep (with extra twat beard)

upgray-duh

this blog is looking dated
it appears faded and foolish
it hasnt chased the new decades dragon
it suffers from the inbetween tween teen ween thang
the tides of ides
the daft of twaft
but
it is superfluidityluous
not at all like a paisley shirt from the 60's
the 1160's
that will come roaring back into fasc-un
but it has never been in fashion
is yet to screen its virtual calls
is yet to appoint a media moghul
to fend off the hordes
and the whoooooordes
especially the fend proof ones
is there a need to moof with the times?
to branch out
to special branch back in
now defunct
to dip its bloggular toe in populous oceans of fame?

noooo....
thats the joy of being truly irreverent
no
irrelevant

like a shadowy streak in your thunderpants
going backwards from nowhere
going nowhere from backwards
from her, to etertitnot...

www.limbeaver.blogspot.com
the blog for when the irrelevant isn't pointless enough

don't call him shirley

but do call him beavis...

pez-cado de abril?

pero no hay?!

por que no?

donde esta el pez de abril?

no se hace fiesta el primero de abril para nada?

aun esta en el mar?

quizas se queda en un red viejisimo en el profundo?

su falta es muy triste

es un perdida tremenda

todo el mundo civilizado (patent pending) lo celebra

pero la parte que habla castellano?

noooooo!

aqui en el pais hermoso de stronzolandia lo festejamos el primero de cada mes!

pero... ellos?

nooooo!

los pobrecitos quienentos miliones de personas heathens!

woolly butt-ox

yep
this is an artist's extreme rendition of a woolly rhino
he was way cool
he didnt get the luff and fame the woolly mammoth got
because although he was a huge fooker
he wasn't, well... mammoth
he did have a mammoth tusk though
much embiggeneder than that of the current lightweight and still not quite extinct african rhino
and dont even mention the dorset rhino
which gets its rhino period when the temperature goes over 17C
woolly rhino was also much more street than the mammoth
he was into the stooges and velvet underground
who werent given the acclaim they deserved back during the last ice age

at some point during the next few months i will finally be in a position to clone one
i shall call him Trevor