Portfolio eye view of the world - S Part 4

S
Somalia
Black Hawk Down, that is pretty much all that most people know about somalia. At least it has the horn, the horn of africa, thats a pretty big horn. These days Somalia is a basket case, run by nobody in particular and half of any group of maggots with guns. Ayaan Hirsi Ali came from Somalia and wrote a couple of corker books about it and now islamic nutters want to blow her up. It is also home to loads of pirates who do over any old boat trying to get to the red sea.
Travel advice-go there by all means if you want to be robbed, shot, stabbed, raped, oppressed and/or killed

South Africa
It is that bit at the bottom of Africa, in the southern most area, hence the imaginative name. The land of the zulus and mandiba man. The dutch and english squabbled over it in colonial times and the english won, but the descendants of the dutch stuck around and were generally very racist rednecked arses and watched shit games likes rugby. The honkies oppressed the blacks until recently and fucked with anybody who didnt like it, including mandiba man who is a legend car. Bits of the world boycotted south africa except kim hughes, which was smart. The largest city is Johnnesburg which is one of the murder capitals of the world, as the lady at the info desk in the bus station told us, 'you can go out those doors, but you might not come back'. The nature is fab, a beautiful coast, gnarli rad game parks with wicked animals and big mountainy bits.
Travel advice-the pretty bits are great, but stick to them and there are cool wallaby type animals on top of table mountain.

Spain
thththhththththtpain is on the iberian peninsula and they speak ththhthththtpanish. The other bit is portugal where they speak zjzjzjzjzjzjzj. Spain was once incredibly powerful and ran most of the americas, by way of murdering all the locals and stealing all the gold. Unfortunately they also left behind their language too. Spain also had those fab inquisitions in the name of the catholic church and we all know how lovely that was. At least they have a rich tradition in the arts, Picasso, Gaudi, Goya and a lot more. Beware certain parts of spain where you might get hassled by drunken red brits or other bits were you might get blown up by basque separatists (who have a point). I spent the end of the millenium in basquelandia with streamers, mushrooms and dear friends and wished everybody a happy new anus.
travel advice-practice your thththth before you go and try not to wish people happy new anus.

Sri Lanka
Ceylon no more. It looks a bit like india is crying and sri lanka is that tear. it just sort of sits below the subcontinent and it sounds pretty cool to me. The Tamil folk in the north are pretty cranky and constantly blowing stuff up coz they want the ir own bit of turf and the sri lankans are mad about cricket. The tea is supposed to be very good there and kamahl is from there, but not limahl. Most excitingly, Jehovis's mum is from there and she was doing okay until she met some big haired git.
travel advice-ride an elephant, swim in the ocean just dont mention the wart

Sudan
There are a lot of sudanese refugees, that pretty much tells a story. The government is run by the usual racist islamic scumbags who are happy to murder their fellow sudanese muslims because they are black. Utter, utter filth. In the north-eastern africa shit has been going down for a long time but these guys take the cake and some lobster too.
travel advice-eat your own boots, and your feet too if necessary to stop being shipped there.