Monday, October 28, 2019

un gran pedazo de mierda se va..

El penúltimo suspiro del dictador Franco






no tengo ganas a decir mas 
que fucking asco
este pedazo de mierda se va
afuera de un lugar donde hay muchos heroes

este mierda ha matado a millones des personas
de su proprio pais
la gran mayoria ni saben 
donde o por que estan muertos

y
esta mentalidad
este fascismo vive
en la partida pp
que aun hoy
luchan para esta misma mierda
fucking sin verguezas 
y malparidos


Saturday, October 26, 2019

whats ancient egyptian for stiffy?


hard on
hard on
beg my pard on

Wednesday, October 23, 2019

cor he really gets off on barry island







with all due respect to gavin and stacy
although billericay dicky's hair can fuck off
and big respect to roooooth
and none to that smug fat twat

but its not really an island is it?
its not even an approximation
even after 17 pints of brains
and some nose powder in the lavvy
of the prince of darkness

Sunday, October 20, 2019

count like an egyptian...

so the ancient egyptians didnt just build pyramidial based theme parks in the desert
they didnt just pull your brain out through for nose with a crochet hook
they didnt just hang out with cats and go, 'ooh micio micino micetto'
they didnt just marry their baby brothers and bring forth a dynasty of blokes with suspiciously child bearing hips
they didnt just hang out with animal headed GODS
they also did the counting thing in a predictably pictographic stylish as fuck manner...



the highlights:
1000 = an electric guitar impaling pacman
10000 = ET's finger (who built the pyramids etc?!)
100000 = toad of toad hall

and winner is....

 
ONE miiiillion = a bloke gesticulating 'thats a fucking fuck ton, that is'

Friday, October 18, 2019

ohhh put(a)in! ils ont de la chance!



mentre on parle de l'afrique, la guerre, l'avarice et les mineraux rares...

en la C.A.R
un des pays plus pauvres du monde
ou il y a toujours une guerre
ou les gents n'ont pas assez de manger
ou la mortalite enfantil est entre les plus haute du monde
et
ou il y a une grande richesse des minerales rares
quelle grande surprise!

donc
il y a eu beaucoup de pays riches avec les mains dedans
mais le pays plus recente d'en faire les nouvelles
c'est la russie!
wooohoo!
ouais!
la russie!
tout le monde sait de la democratie russe
de un monsieur put(a)ain
ouais, celui!
le sen-sai de judo
le lutteur des ours
le cavalier des unicornes
l'inventeur de la russie moderne!
(et super grande fils de pute)

et combien lui croit dans les droits humaines!

mais quand meme
dans un periode quand il y a beaucoup des journalistes ont etes asassines
(un motif vachement inconnu en russie!)
on trouve un video en francais
sur comme la grande russie se trouve la bas
pour defendre le peuple CAR
de les hyenes internationaux!
ils sont les bendits
ils ont de la chance!



Thursday, October 17, 2019

no way you big spastic! youre a mentalist!


conspiracy theory
timothy leary!
did the euro-gringo empire kill the leader of the UN to keep their mitts on precious congo ores?
were they also in bed with white racist apart-height nutters to kill black africans with aids injections?

sounds daft?
maybe it is!

watch this feckin fillum
for plausible white suited carry on (uppish the congo)!

Tuesday, October 15, 2019

now you dont see it, now you dont!

christos on a metallic cunieform bike!
every time i try to put up a blog with a video
the video fucking disappears!

mind you
then sometimes it does work!
what a big bag of furry pink toss!

and to think of all the money ive paid for this service
oh wait....

Friday, October 11, 2019

hits from the bongwater


wow!
they have nick cave dolls now?
i want one!

Thursday, October 10, 2019

quand on exagere avec la chirurgie plastique






Igor et Grichka Bogdanoff sont des frères jumeaux français fous, animateurs et producteurs de télévision et essayistes, s'étant illustrés, depuis les années 1970 dans les domaines de la vulgarisation scientifique, de la cosmologie et de la science-fiction.(wiki)

ils etaient des 'heart throbs', maintenant il sont seulement des monstres

et ce n'est pas une blague!

putain!


peut-etre carl sagan etait chanceux de mourir jeune..

Monday, October 07, 2019

limebeaver.arse breaking science report!

Francesco Redi was an Italian physician, naturalist, biologist, poet and rent boy. He is referred to as the "founder of experimental biology", as the "father of modern parasitology" and "wig wearing mentalist". He was the first person to challenge the theory of spontaneous generation by demonstrating that maggots come from eggs of flies and that half a line of go faster powder makes you most clevererer.


before he showed up with his classic 'do, people believed that maggots came about by spontaneous generation. ie. they just showed up after a few beers when the corpse was rotten enuff.
FR quote "before my jar based shenanigans, people were just credulous fools, and btw, check out my fucking huuuge hair"

Saturday, October 05, 2019

martin scorsese is really quite a jovial fellow; AND its not just that his trousers are rucked up








Martin Scorsese says Marvel movies are 'not cinema'


The director says he has tried and failed to watch the new brand of superhero films, which he likens to theme parks




Martin Scorsese.

Martin Scorsese,
one of cinema’s most venerated current directors, has decried superhero
movies – the dominant force in today’s industry. The director of films
such as Taxi Driver, Raging Bull and Goodfellas told Empire magazine
that his attempts to get up to speed with contemporary superhero films
had failed.


“I tried, you know?” the director said when asked if he had seen Marvel’s movies. “But that’s not cinema.”


He continued: “Honestly, the closest I can think of them, as well
made as they are, with actors doing the best they can under the
circumstances, is theme parks. It isn’t the cinema of human beings
trying to convey emotional, psychological experiences to another human
being.”


Earlier this year, Avengers: Endgame became the highest grossing film in history after topping $2.8bn at the global box office
(fifth highest after adjusting for inflation). Eight other titles from
the same studio feature in the Top 30 (when factored without inflation).


(from the grauniad)

Thursday, October 03, 2019

the BIG question; so famous but so ronery


did kim jong il see team america?
all media stuff points out that he was a huuuuge hollywood fan
he had his own cinema and couldnt get enough of their garbage
so there must have been a good chance he saw it
especially as he was a vainglorious bunghole

surely his little mass murdering tyrant brainhole would have exploded
they treated him with such utter and deserved contempt

or even better
imagine if he had heard about it and demanded his lackeys get it for him
then some poor translator citoyen would have had to decide
how to translate it!

should he do a faithful translation
and have his whole family blasted to mars on a nuclear warhead?
or
should he have nicied it up
and been caught out and then had his whole family blasted to mars on a nuclear warhead?

oshhh!

Tuesday, October 01, 2019

got that erdogan you bell end?


that'll be the founding father of a strong, modern, and secular turkey, from the ashes of the once hugely powerful ottoman empire.

Sunday, September 29, 2019

THE DEAD DON’T DIE...



but they sure do disappoint





it should have been brilliant
theres jimbo jarmusch making a gorefest zombie flick
starring bill fucking murray!
crispin glovers brother!
that hot bird!
steve legend car buscemnot!
tilda class act swinton!
that blonde chick from those films!
that bloke who was darth vader or his step uncle or something!
with cameos from tom icon waits!
and iggy bloody pop!


and i'll be the first in the neighborhood
to say, its just no good


Friday, September 27, 2019

scheming mother cluckers


Niccolò di Bernardo dei Machiavelli was a florentine diplomat, politician, historian, philosopher, writer, playwright, poet and dub fusion dj of the Renaissance period. He has often been called the father of modern political philosophy, political science and a human-badger hybrid called Trevor.





Chickens exhibit Machiavellian tendencies, new research shows






Chickens are just as intelligent as many of their feathered friends, demonstrate thinking skills on par with mammals and primates, and even exhibit Machiavellian tendencies, a US scientist has discovered.
A new study, published in the journal Animal Cognition, has reviewed previous research to find that, despite popular belief, chickens are intelligent and emotional animals with individual personalities.





That innocent chicken may be smarter than you think.
That innocent chicken (Boris of Dorset) may be smarter than you think.
"Chickens are behaviourally sophisticated, discriminating among individuals, exhibiting Machiavellian-like social interactions, and learning socially in complex ways that are similar to humans," the report revealed.
They were found to be masters of manipulation and counter-strategies, with males making false food calls to attract nearby females, and females eventually ignoring those who made false alerts too often.



Author Loro Marino, a senior scientist at The Someone Project, a venture focused on changing public perceptions of farm animals, said that chickens exhibit logical reasoning that humans do not develop until the age of seven.
"Unlike many other birds, chickens are categorised as a commodity, devoid of authenticity as a real animal. But chickens have the capacity to reason and make logical inferences. They perceive time intervals and may be able to anticipate future events," he said.
The farmyard bird was found to exhibit social awareness; capable of waiting for a better food reward, and recognising their status in the pecking order.
They also have distinct personalities, with mother hens exhibiting different "maternal styles", thought to influence the behaviour of their chicks, and have a complex system of communication, consisting of a wide range of visual displays and at least 24 different vocalisations.





Some chickens were even observed to display Machiavellian tendencies.
Some chickens (such as Vladimir, woollongabba) were even observed to display Machiavellian tendencies.
Dr Marino said that the scientific literature on chickens has historically been skewed by dominant perceptions of the bird as "cognitively simple", almost exclusively focusing on their potential as a food source.
"Chickens are misperceived as lacking most of the psychological characteristics we recognise in other intelligent animals and are typically thought of as possessing a low level of intelligence compared with other animals," he said.
Many scientists think that corvids - the family of birds that includes crows, ravens, rooks and jays - may be among the most intelligent animals on earth, based on their ability to solve problems, make tools and apparently consider both possible future events and other individuals' states of mind.
Meanwhile, songbirds can be trained to understand non-language aspects of human speech, a study has found.
And who can forget goats? The quickly learn how to solve complex tasks and have excellent long-term memories, scientists say.

 (from the smh)

Thursday, September 26, 2019

Wednesday, September 18, 2019

when bowie was lame





does that mean there's hope for us all?





no

because we arent bowie

...

Sunday, September 15, 2019

beavis and butthead do no.3 MC 900 ft. Jesus


check it out, this dumbass is trying to mail himself...









im gonna give you three seconds beavis....

Friday, September 13, 2019

mugabe is dead

 the zim currency was epically todgered by mugabes policies, with daily inflation reaching a lazy 195%







 anti mugabe protesters when they rarely werent being beaten or killed



and in good news
robert mugabe is dead
may he rot in non existent hell
piece of shit

he was a leader of zanu pf
one of the major parties fighting to end racist white rule in zimbabwe
in a brutal struggle
they overthrow the old rhodesian scumbag government
and brought democracy to zimbabwe
he was a hero to many for his fight against racist filth colonialists

but when he got into power
he did whatever it took to keep it
and ending up fucking his country harder than the white fuckers

as southern rhodesia
it had been one of the richest countries in africa
with its wonderful climate for agriculture
it had been known as the bread basket of southern africa

unfortunately that had come about because the colonialist pricks
stole all the land
and farmed it in a modern productive manner

following independence
mugabe and cronies
took measures to redress the unfair land distribution
by using murderous means
and then giving the land to his mates
his 'veterans'
only some of which were veterans
and all of which belonged to his political party
thus replacing white shits with ... black shits

that caused a collapse in food production
and the economy in general
causing extreme poverty and malnutrition

as the situation got worse
and people turned against him
he persecuted the ndebele speaking minority
and he used many of the same methods as the colonial turds that preceded him
violence, intimidation, election rigging and general cuntery

he was an utter piece of shit
causing untold suffering to millions of people
which still plays out today
including in the townships of south africa
where they are treated terribly by the locals

fuckugabe!

Thursday, September 12, 2019

that was the price that yuma yuma yumust pay











(the thompson twins, 80s synth groovers, hairspray addicts and perhaps surprisingly, yuma fans)


yuma  is a town in south western arizona
it was the ultimate resting place of alphonse
our trusty and very gringo steed
alphonse died in the evening on the highway from arizona to san diego
not a massively long time after i took a turn behind the wheel
fuck you alphonse!
(and he'd already shat himself at the border crossing at nogales
that was a classy look, the twat!)

we had to hitch in the dark
in the fucking desert
trying not to think about all the gun nutters in gringo movies
but we got a lift from a lovely bloke
all the way to yuma yuma yumust pay

after our night at hotel 498739 chain
alphonse was fetched and towed back to yuma
to a garage where lots of
tsk, tsking and air was sucked between teeth
and alphonse was pronounced dead fred

the towing cost a bomba
and the leftovers were barely enough to hire a ren'al car
to get us back to mission bleach
and that
was the price that yuma yuma yumust pay...

Monday, September 09, 2019

What DOES Sulawesi look like?







a lysergically challenged letter k?
a badly maimed heffalump?
an alien from the arsefanistia nebula?
a one armed man in a horrific acidic hurricane?

for the life of me i cant figure it out...

Sunday, September 08, 2019

i cini miei




io adoro i cini
sono stato molto fortunato di averne conosciuti 5
almeno
5 umani
perche ci sono stato vari cini animali
anche qualche giorgine!
e vero se si mette un cino a qualsiasi bestia
si funziona..
e bene
ma
parlo dei cini miei
no dei 1 milliardo e mezzo spagnolo-cinesi
infatti
conosco un argenchino
e lui e super cool
lui sarebbe un cino cino
non si puo essere piu cino di quello
immaginatevi!

cmq
anche se non lo sapranno mai
sopratutto perche non sanna leggere l'italiano
dunque
esistera per sempre
questa dedicazione d'amore

gli dico
grazie mille per la felicita
che mi avete regalato
siete stati la parte piu bella della mia vita
da tanti anni
vi voglio bene...

Tuesday, September 03, 2019

never trust a hippy



its true that the 70s music scene
was full of smugly self righteous stupidly side burned hippies with their fucking hammers of love
and indulgent proggers setting the controls for the heart of their oh so clever clog buttholes
which all gave way to john travoltingly lapelled disco sick
and punk rock saved our saouls etc etc
which is a good enough reason to steer clear of it
for a healthy couple of siecles

but yet!
under all that distasteful schlock
that look at me, look at me, i got an b in applied mathemathics
and nauseous preachy twattery

there was a triumvirate of magnificence
legends of cool
icons of not giving a fook
and part time doughnutters

BOWIE!
IGGY!
and
LOU FUCKING REED!

the phrase 'legend cars' doesnt get used much these days
hopefully not at all
but these particular vehicules
were light years beyond legendary...

Saturday, August 31, 2019

mon beau cauchemar

j'adore la langue francaise
elle est tres tres douce
elle est la langue plus sexy
elle est la langue de mes amis
mes amis a paris
mes amis a tanger, casa, rabat et plus
les amis de l'algerie et tunisie
mes amis dans la dordogne
mes amis rhonais
et les amis des autres partis du hexagon
mes amis dans la costa azzurra
(sorry)
gli amici corsi
(sorry, not sorry)
et mes amis italiens
de ma prof a la coree
et sa famille au canada
de mes amis inconnus en senegal
en benin et mali
tous mes amis francofones africains
au nouvelle caledonie et tahiti
la maman du super stronzo
les amis belges
et mes amis suisses
des seychelles, martinique etc

grace a la langue francaise
je fais partie de cette societe

mais putain!

Thursday, August 29, 2019

burning down stephen cummings

sc shortly before a swingeing singeing 


a long time ago
on an island not so far far away
i burned down stephen cummings

it wasnt entirely intentional
but neither was it completely accidental

he was there
in that car park
with all the nobbies
and we were there too

i certainly didnt rock up to the carpark with a flamethrower
though it might have been prescient

but as we got down
and viddied our surroundings
i thought i recognized him

was it because he was a bit of a smug git?
was it because i knew he would diss my hero in years ahead?
was it because i had just been listening to porno for pyros?

its a mystery for the ages

but i was taken away by a non nihon divine wind
and
before i knew it
the lighter fluid had been liberally applied
and i was dancing around his flamin body
calling to the gods xyslsyslphone
and tlocacpslockoff
calling on them to accept my sacrifice
in their honour
and to provide rains for our crops
fertility for our women
and another nasty slab of amber funtimes...


Tuesday, August 27, 2019

on his masturbike?





quite possibly my favourite opening sequence to a fillum...

Sunday, August 25, 2019

loony jana landia






c'era una volta un paese
che e ormai scomparso
un pease mistico
dove ci abitavano gli orsi con salame
dove c'era la neve abbondante
dove si davano lavori importanti a stronzi brutti e puzzolenti
e uno spazio che si chiamava porko nero

non era lontanissimo da firenze
dove si potevo andare a un teatro e parlare cazzate televisate
e c'era anche una biancaneve fighissima

ma ora non esiste piu
come il tilacino
era troppo ganzo per questo mondo moderno
e questo paese di meraviglie
come si chiamava?
si chiamava lunigiana
dove si incontravano i lunatici

Saturday, August 24, 2019

Beavis & Butt Head do.... Weezer



i liked this show better when that other dude owned the restaurant, that dude from karate kid...





Thursday, August 22, 2019

we're through the looking glass now folks...


"Villy Søvndal, a former foreign minister, said the decision “confirms that Donald Trump is a narcissistic fool”.




(from forbes.com)

Trump Cancels Denmark Visit In Spat Over Sale Of Greenland





Topline: U.S. President Donald Trump has scrapped a state visit to Denmark after Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen shot down his idea that Copenhagen could sell Greenland to the United States.
  • Trump tweeted on Tuesday: “Denmark is a very special country with incredible people, but based on Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen’s comments, that she would have no interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland, I will be postponing our meeting scheduled in two weeks for another time........The Prime Minister was able to save a great deal of expense and effort for both the United States and Denmark by being so direct. I thank her for that and look forward to rescheduling sometime in the future!”
  • The U.S. President had been due to visit Denmark between September 2 and 3 at the invitation of Denmark’s Queen Margrethe II and was expected to meet Prime Minister Frederiksen.
  • Trump’s move was met with shock and confusion in Copenhagen. Former Danish foreign minister Martin Lidegaard said the incident was a “diplomatic farce.” Former prime minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt wrote that the move was “deeply insulting” to the people of Denmark and Greenland.
  • Officials in Copenhagen and Nuuk, capital of Greenland, had been firm but direct in their refusal to consider the sale of the semiautonomous territory on the world’s largest island. Frederiksen’s comment that Trump’s largest ever real estate gambit was “absurd” appears to have triggered the anger reaction from the Oval Office.
What to watch for: The Greenland spat has dominated headlines ahead of a tough week for Trump, who will meet G7 leaders in Biarritz, France, later this week. Trump has faced criticism for his calls to readmit Russia to the group after it was booted out in 2014 over its illegal annexation of Crimea.
Meanwhile, despite his claims that the U.S. economy is performing well, Trump is pushing the Federal Reserve to cut interest rates by at least a full percentage point as concerns about the global economy and the impact of his trade war with China mount.
The release of Federal Reserve minutes later today and Fed chairman Jerome Powell’s speech on Friday at the central bank’s annual meeting in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, will hint at the next steps.
Key background: Trump’s declaration that he wants to purchase Greenland has been widely met with disbelief in Washington and Copenhagen, with ex-prime minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen suggesting that the move was an “April Fools’ Day joke.” Trump confirmed to reporters on Sunday that he had discussed the “strategically interesting” concept, which he described as “essentially a large real estate deal.” On Monday, he tweeted a meme of Trump Tower superimposed onto a Greenland landscape, and said: “I promise not to do this to Greenland!”

In a diplomatic response, Kielsen said that Greenland was not for sale but that “Greenland is open for trade and cooperation with other countries, including the USA.”
The U.S. has tried to buy the strategically significant but largely icebound island on at least two other occasions, and the U.S Air Force continues to operate a large airbase there.

Saturday, August 17, 2019

david byrne likes go karting


                                                    these slipstream people...


ian dury thought that golf carts were invented by the devil
lemmy was a compulsive whittler
joey ramone collected butterflies
bowie always breathed on his left side when swimming crawl
marc bolan eschewed lego, but love duplo
suggs sold his left bollock to a marshall at the stadium of light
debby harry thinks that stone rubbing is the path to nirvana
billy idol was into baking blueberry tarts
iggy hoarded embroidered cushions
johnny thunders thought that the moon landings werent faked but penicillin was
roky erickson had a large collection of danish royal crockery
jah wobble insists on 3 snow globes per room in his studio
hugh cornwell fluently speaks hmong
alex chilton spelt kangaroo the italian way
peter perrett wont step on pavement cracks
deniz tek thinks he has two left feet
bryan ferry ironically is scared of water
henry rollins counts llamas when he cant sleep
sid vicious' thought his name was spelled viscous
john cale believes he can speak with the ghost of llewelyn the great
lou reed thought he was a mentalist
ray manzarek chants 'jimbo is a twat' if you play his records backwards
kim salmon prefers tuna
angus young is allergic to knitwear
captain sensible is notoriously easily distracted
the easybeats were a pushover
pete townsend refuses point blank to eat cheese with bits in it
grant hart thinks that rice in the salt is really maggots
and
nick cave thinks that people are really quite nice

Thursday, August 15, 2019

xi an be serious!




we have all heard of the famous explorer
you know the one
hell there was even a huuge and pricey drama series about him
he is famous as all fuck
he allegedly crossed the deserts on a handcart of solid fuck
ate camel chips with the k.ubester
and invented china

until as recently as last year
it was accepted fact that he was from venezia
but not friuli venezia giulia
no
that would be too sensible!

but last year and intrepid adventurer
bravely set forth into the great unknown
of a shopping mall in xi an, china

it was whilst in the untamed wilds of that shopping mall
and looking for a cash machine
that he discovered this remarkable fact

not only wasnt he from friuli venezia giulia
but he wasnt even from venezia!
madness!

he was actually from eire
yes that green and broguey island
with guinness and horrible folk music

most probably from whatever the irish equivalent is
of soapy tit wank
...

Wednesday, August 14, 2019

Ürge László a legenda!



what nationality was les murray?

wherefore hails his ancestry?



non importa un cazzo

era un stra leganda!



well, can you blame him?

Saturday, August 10, 2019

stopping no stations to trippylandia








yes
its not the forest
the lack of trees
and fog make that plain
and theres no hair product to be seen
no basketball boots
stylishly undone
no pancakes to be slapped on
and no kiss me kiss me kiss me wuby wed lips


but for any bewildered teen
standing on the beach
staring at the sand
it made the side b highlights really reel
(and importantly no arabs were harmed in the making of the track)

and it was oooh so mysterious
who was jumping?
whos train were they jumping?
where the flying fook was the train going?
and how much fun
must it have been
if they kept doing it
again and again and again and a...

(its almost enough to make one take another journey...)

Wednesday, August 07, 2019

def marmelada pinche tube map


hace mil anos
nop
no mil anios
sip
mil anos
son muchos anos esos
es un culo party

lo mismo
hace mil bucos de culos
antes de que llegaron los criminales peninsulares
existia la grande ciudad de tenochitlan
era una civilization super avanzada
sabian de chocolate
de hijtomates
de tobaco
y de comer corazones
(con chips)
pero llegaron los pendejos espanoles
y despues de matar a todos
con sus armas
sus germenes
y
su acero
se quedaron quizas 10 por ciento de la poblacion chida
y no mucho de la civilization antigua
de hecho
en su frenesia de dios y re de mierda
buscaban de borrar todo la historia de este grandisima cultura

pero
almenos unos documentos
los codecs
aun nos llegue
unos que no lograran a quemar

y lo mas bello
es esta mapa de la antigua metro tenochitlana submarina


Sunday, August 04, 2019

Beavis and Butthead do no.2 Morrissey- he's trying to hump a rock




get up off the ground and stop whining you wuss...

Thursday, August 01, 2019

nechte je jíst zmrzlinu!



death to fucking bread and cheese!
after weeks faffpacking around western europe
and trying to eat frugally due to the fucking price of food
and the pathetic state of the oztrayan (mate) shekel
eg two cows, your first born son and half a kidney for an icecream on nice bleach
consisting of copious amounts of cheese and bread
and loads of guilt for being shit at it and being a general spendthrift
we finally arrived in prahahahaha
where we had been promised all was cheap and cheerful
by the lovely plain jane

and it was true!
compared to the horror prices of engerland, denmark, france and germany
the czech czech czech it out was indeed bargains galore!
(praise be to him)
after czeching into the ostello di gioventu
and getting royally fisted by a bureau de change
for the umpteenth time
we headed to a nearby supermarket to find some nosh
and ended up giggling our little heads off at how cheap it all was
austerity was over
the recession we shouldve oughto to have to have had was done
corny copiousouses abounded

unlike our more grown up  travel companions
who had lashed out on a better type of stir through pasta sauce
as their indulgence
i sought out the most ridiculous decadent item possible to celebrate the newfound riches

and after a few short minutes of snickering like a smackhead
who had just found a bin liner full of gack behind the shelter sheds
i found my absurd delice
which i would scoff in piggish abandon

A FUCKING ICE CREAM CAKE!

Sunday, July 28, 2019

Beavis and Butthead do no.1 - Kylie Minogue


this chick has more teeth than most people...


Thursday, July 25, 2019

kuxtal le maya kaajo'!



aun viven los idiomas mayas
ya ves malparido pendejo cortez?

Monday, July 22, 2019

pobbbreee gueeeeey...








tambien si el nombre de este idiota ya es bastante para enojarme
y mucho
por su politica
que fucking cretino
pero el esta querido y demasiado en mexico
yo lei algo sobre este fenomena
tipo
sus historias del intruso
y el romanticismo en sus letras
tienen algo super atractivo por los mexicas

pero
sus fans mexicanos tendrian que no entender demasiado de ingles
porque sus letras hablan tambien de racismo
y el es el racista!
que en un mundo de drumpf
y su actitud de mierda contra los mexicas
los ensarian una cuenta muy distincta!

pues
este grupo
mexrissey
es un supergrupo
sobretodo tiene musicos de cafe tacuba
que para mi (para nada un experto)
es el mejor grupo mexicano de siempre
y sus canciones
sus covers
son bellissimas
interpretan sus canciones con un toque puro mexicano
o sea
fucking chido!

Saturday, July 20, 2019

and he never smelled us later



sure
lord admiral portfolio lungobardo snappypants nelson did a good job
he handed old bony parts his cul
and his spanish mates, their culos
which was no mean pear of feet
but
he went down like he was shot
(by a marksman on the redoubtable)
and he died desperately trying to get (an honestly guv)
heterosexual snog from his sea matey hardy ha
(the origin of the muntzers catchphrase no doubt)
as he lay dying at the battle of trafalgar place (brynmill)

in the end
following nelsons obvious dive
and subsequent penalty
england dubiously won 1-0
and bony parts was relegated to the championship

the king inbred and all the toffs of engerland
decided that he had pulled off such a scam
that wouldnt be equalled until ronaldo in the 2000s
that they built a column in his honour
and stuffed it in the middle of the newly named
trafalgar place square
bang in the centre of lahhhndan

but as they were pompous self important twats
with no self control
or sense of perspective
so now there is a great big fuck off column
in a huge wasteland of a square
and its so comically peter crouch
thats its neither awe inspiring
nor imperiously intimidating
it just fucking screams
'column built by pompous self important twats with no self control or sense of perspective'



Friday, July 19, 2019

its the end of that world...


as they know it
and millions of sad fanboyies and girlies are traumatised




and it was spent
the dragons and tits spectacular
the most loved telly show since
since not jebus didnt not have spokey dokeys

and it ended with a misfiring squib
being rammed right up the nerds rear admirals
and they are fuuurrrriuuusss
starting online petitions
smashing their keyboards with their knuckle draggy hands
AND WAILING IN CAPITALS
because it didnt end how they had imagined


at the start i found it pretty and  pretty uninspiring
all that i am lord trevor, 15th son of the baron of arseloch
i challenge you, king rectinol of the 9th sea of ubersplat
over the death of my favourite long haired gazunderblech
etc etc
exposition? boh?
but after all that  was EVENTUALLY over
it did float the limeboat

and the 12 year old mentalists did have a point
the ending was a bit underwhelming
all that epicness ending with
ok, lets all fuck off somewhere else now for some chips


but that was far less tragi/comic
than the chorus of entitled wheezing elderly infants...

Monday, July 15, 2019

shouting lagaan lagaan lagaan....






as part of the universal education scheme
implemented by the C.R.A.P
Compulsory Rotund Asininity Program
you will submit!
for the lesser good
this film was screened at limebeaver longford  gaslight of  lumiere
and its farrrrking epically long
three and a half hours
its really enjoyable
just has a bit too much of the obvious
the bad guys are soo bad
the good guys are sooo good
and the young lovers will of course face hurdles
or stumps
but you fucking know they will end of forever together
extra paneer anybody?

Thursday, July 11, 2019

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Friday, July 05, 2019

drugs are bad mkaay?





Back in the good old days - the second half of the 19th century- before political correctness gone mad etc etc stfu
a 'french' (va te faire foutre, he was corsican) geezer called mariani came up with a popular drinkie and modestly named it after himself.
loads of famous people publicly swore by the stuff
including 2 popes, thomas edison, ulysses s grant, the french pm and emile zola all banged on about how super it was.
in the ads, it was claimed it would restore health, strength, energy and vitality.
YOU WANT SOME RIGHT NOW ehi?!

what made it so downright brillo?
it was 'à la Coca du Pérou'
thats right
it was bang full of cocaine
so shove your copycat early coca cola up your gringo arse
this was alcoholic AND  it was chockers with charlie!

no wonder it made everybody feel so amazeballs...



Thursday, July 04, 2019

The Ghost - Vale and thanks for the incomparable education



FOR THOSE WHO CAME IN LATE
OVER 400 YEARS AGO
WASHED ASHORE ON A REMOTE VICTORIAN BEACH
HE SWORE AN OATH ON THE SKULL OF HIS FATHER
HE WAS THE FIRST PHANTOM
HIS DESCENDANTS CARRIED ON
BUT LISTENERS AND JUNGLE FOLK  BELIEVED HIM THE SAME MAN
NEMESIS OF MEDIOCRE RADIO EVERYWHERE
HE WORKS ALONE
THE PHANTOM...




.





"It’s time for us to plant you now, dig you later – you take care and whatever you do, make sure you take it and trust the energy, ’cause the energy says you’ll be deeply missed and forever remembered."

Tuesday, July 02, 2019

mier... coles!






"you wot!?!"

Saturday, June 29, 2019

you dont eat or sleep or mow the lawn...

this came across my limited scope again the other day
and
yes
its worth a revisit
hell
its quite literally the 20th annif!
and its still fucking 'ilarious!
it made even the most wannabe cynical types crack a giggle on
and sing along in the most appalling of tone deafness one could witness
(between tea break mugs of gin and unsettling winking brought on by incorrect contact placement)

now in techniculo!




Friday, June 28, 2019

fuck juve e la sua nebbia




la juve mi fa schifo
sono ladri e imbroglioni
questo non e' un opinione
e stata beccata tante volte
pagando l'arbitro
drogando i giocatori
ecc ecc
ma sopratuto per l'arroganza
la mentalita di 'siamo speciali'
e' una cosa schifosa

communque
nell'autunno di 2001
facevo un soggiorno sconsigliato
all'inghotto
...
una storia lunga
...

e mi hanno offerto dei biglietti gratis
per una partita del champions!
fuck juve contro bayer leverkeusen
si!
sarrebbe stata una figata!

pero quando ci siamo arrivati allo stadio
non si vedeva un tubocazzo
per colpa della fucking nebbia

la partita e' stata cancellata
e non ho visto niente
uselle!
(e fuck juve)

Tuesday, June 25, 2019

nonce sense


Sunday, June 23, 2019

whats your favourite bang?




interro?







or 


finger?


Saturday, June 22, 2019

space needle


Where Oblivion is beckoning
Where Leviathan is reckoning ...


Thursday, June 20, 2019

love no more







so g love left teenage fanclub

i hope he didnt take his special source with him

at least it wasnt for 'artistic differences'

i fucking hate that one

Saturday, June 15, 2019

e pensavate che la pizza all'ananas e' fosse una cosa tremenda..




ma noooooo
vi presento la pizza al durian!
si!
e la pizza con quella frutta buona ma dolce
e con il puzzo cosi orrendo
che nei tanti alberghi in asia
non e' permesso portarlo dentro l'edificio!

imaginate i poverini napoletani
che sono stati in asia e l'hanno visto sul menu

porca fetosa!

Friday, June 14, 2019

mi culo herboso


thanks!
good name for a band that

Thursday, June 13, 2019

magyar making ya crazy






right wing bell end and president of hungary victor orban
not that recently as part of his general being a reactionary fuckwit
went about trying to promote local people couples procreating
you know the deal
protect the master race
make more of us
we are the mostest special after all!
otherwise the 'others' might outnumber us all, big gah!
and in a master stroke of stupidity
his government started putting up giant roadside posters
telling people to back out some more kiddlies

but
as is the way with shitheadded populists
they farked it up
on their family values horseshit posters
they lashed out and bought some generic images online
and of course as they morons
they got images of perhaps the most famous meme peoples of the moment
yes!
the couple whose image has been re-used a billion times over
for language, food, tech and anything else you may have heard of
for memes of a couple
who are walking down the street hand in hand
and hes turned his head
checking out another chick!

georgie orwell sends us all hugs... 

Tuesday, June 11, 2019

England football fans Vs not being a fuckhead



and i think we all knew who the winner would be...




youre nicked toe rag



“The complexities of cause and effect defy analysis.”
Douglas Adams




                                                                            




Friday, June 07, 2019

il y a trente ans






en juin 1989 les etudiants chinoises dans beaucoup de villes ont proteste
ils etaient marres du systeme communist du pays
et centaines de milles sont allees dans le rues du pays
le gouvernment
ou meilleur dit le parti communist ont fait tout le possible pour les fermer
si on entend  les nier, les intimider et menacer
veut dire tout le possible
alors ils ont essayer de envoyer l'armee dans le centre ville de pekin
mais a ce point aussi les travailleurs sont entres eux memes dans les rues
et ils ont ferme l'armee
avec leurs propres corps
donc le gouverment a choisi une chose infame
et a ordene l'armee d'entrer
a n'import quel cout dans la place ti an en men
et e arrive le denouement
le tanks etc ont massacre milliers de personnes innocents
sans armes
les personnes normelles que ne volaient plus
que la democratie
que avoir le droit de parler librement

et alors le parti communist a maintenu le pouvoir
et jusqua au'jourdhui presque personne en chine connaissent le faits
et aussi dans le reste du monde
on ne dit rien
car la monnaie chinoise est trop importante
felicitationes au eux
la chine est toujours un pays orwellien

bof!




Wednesday, June 05, 2019

pandora's wot?



the research department of limebeaverbollocks inc
(heavily subsidised by big pottery)
has made a radical discovery
the container which the pandora chica
and with whos tampering
caused 47 flavours of hell to be unleashed
wasnt a fucking box!
nooooo(ah)
was it a bag?
was it a satchel?
was it a demijohn?
was it a perspex case containing an american shyster?
was it even a fucking amphora?

no
no
no
no!

get your whelms out
give them a good undering
 
it was a jar!
that most basic of objects
bearing the basest form of anglo saxon title

a fucking jar!

put that in your kiln and smoke it!

Monday, June 03, 2019

a la verga con tu bad hair day




si a caso te estas pensando que tu vida esta complicada
que tu vecino tiene un tv mas grande que tuyo
que la senorita a trabajo que te gusta no te sonrie ayer
que tu equipe de futbol se perdio los tres ultimas partidos
que tus medias tienen un agujero de 4 milimetros
o el peor de todos los peores
vives un bad hair day!

refleja un poquito sobre de los 70 anos que tenia bolivia
entre los 19 siglo y el 20 siglo

maldita drama queen!