but where do i find the caye?

it`s a caulker!

in your ear tropical storm matthew

hah! crappy lightweight wannabee hurricane... Sod this, im taking the lancha...

¿chicken tikal?

now this is the dogs swingers of mayan sites... ¡espectacular!

flowers, guatemala.. no really

this is lovely flores.. its on an island and its darn darn darn hot..
que hermosura...

yaxchilan and bonampak

get your yax bax and your bonbonspacked...

diggin the don in panchan

its quite mucho, mucho mucho good comida, cerveza y musica in panchanlandia

palenque en mexico magico

thats me in the corner, losing my errr.. palacio

not too long in tulum

dont really wanna leave.
darn darn darn...

free advertising to nobody for papaya playa

http://www.papayaplaya.com/

just beware the bedbuggerers... they do bite much

a postcard from playa del carmen

well.. thats about as close as anyone will get to receiving one...

que pais es el mexico, que playas hermosas, y que calor....

arnold circus lahdahnnn E2

whatbloodylake house was that and where was willis circus?!

so bobby gillespie turns to me and says..

st andrew´s park, brisvegas

with emmys, benjies other kiddlies and doggies, tis luffly in the summer my luffer

it was the other three, not me

brilliant facking tourist spot in brizzle... the young ones house!

castel dell´ovo, napoli

un bel posto per una passeggiata laggiu in napolilandia...

agerola, dove rimane qualcosa...

questo e una cartolina ultramoderna...

montefalco, umbria

quasi quasi è si vede così...

cristiano ha cantado fabrizio

un vero spettacolo....

in bici, a marina di grosseto

excellent way to get about the enormarse CAMPING.
eccomi con meno gambe e piu capelli

via ravecca..o squilibratolandia

with the mother of all gates on the left...

piazza delle erbe, ma dove si trovano le erbe?

one mojito, two mojito ecc...
come nei tempi vecchi
pero con la grande novita che bar berto ha un nuovo bagno...

piazza san giorgio

un bel luogo per un apertivo...

saltford, not salford

had a picnic by the avon today.. twas luvverly and a very english summery somersety activity

gloucester road, brisvegas

from the road's perspective...

just going down the road for some rice milk...

dozens of queue rides
some short some long
many winding like a mousey maze
a dozen lifts
at least 7 escalators
stairs up and over
down and below
how many passport controls?
1 car, 2 planes, 3 trains, 1 underground 1 shuttle
2 walks across tarmac
countless hours waiting
3 pints of tiger
a few cigarettes
3 curries
5 muesli bars
9 bottles of water
one rhs ex fellow alumnii
one bloke from worcester via perth
one bird from wcs who looked strangely familiar
irishness from donegal
one unwashed stratford
one bloke who said i must have 2 heads
one other irish bird
girl and mum from qld who won 10000
other brown haired girl with a fringe
3 horizontal seats
many airasia fighe one with dangerous eyes

and that was just on the way to the shop for the paper...

The Place Where Pissed Bastards Hang Out At

would be a pub
but it isnt
and probably will never be
catchy name though
for a public house...

Look up in the sky! It's a bird! It's a plane! It's Super Off Road...

Play Retro Games

an oceanic misnomer

written off the edge
closed around the rear
he told the story
again and again
full of mudpie
why not a beast of a boy
so dreams might come true
dinner of drama
flowers on fire
the train pulls up
portent of lost powers
what do you remember about black cabs
it keeps him occupied
the doors open it backwards
another long walk
another stranger in a strange land
another million stories not untold
carapace slightly, barely scratched
if at all
the same plotline
the same narrow field of view
retelling the same tale
pass on the scarfaces
dont mess with the messenger

just

senso unico.. che noioso

una vita in senso unico
che noia
una conversazione in senso unico
che palle
une storia in senso unico
che cosa?
una interazione in senso unico
che cazzo?
una verdura in senso unico
che cavolo
una strada in senso unico
che sfida
un gioco in senso unico
che rottura
un compromiso in senso unico
che spreco

il solito senso unico
io ci vivo in una via senso unico
con tante storie in senso unico
il senso unico puo andare a fottersi..

the entire universe is in this blog

thought it'd be a bit bigger, maybe as big as patrick swayze's hair....

Great goats of history No.6

Mr Horntastic, Shaggy the Mountain Goat in Lithograph of Mountain Goat, by H Weir, 1871

lies, lies, lies...

lies!
keep lying
tell me a story
tell me a fairy tale
tell me a lie
and another lie
then a few more lies
you know thats what i want to hear
its obvious
im asking for it
you can tell by my short shrift
more lies
please
more
and more lies
lies!

simon and carbuncle

theres a hip new band coming your way soon..
its Simon and Carbuncle!
nothing to do with bridges or big silly hair
no excessive brown or beige apparel
(unless requested)
no being tuneful and melodic but ultimately trapped in the '70s
no
no
no
no
absolutely not
Simon and Carbuncle are here to rock your world with synergy
without regard for its possible meaning
you thought you knew Simon
but this one has thrown off the old shell
and together with his or her musical soulmate Carbuncle
and is ready to blow your mind
Carbuncle is mostly known for writing most of the greatest songs of the last thirty years
he took all the money whilst pop poppets took all the drugs and fame
she wrote tracks for artistes as varied as Cyndi Lauper, Pulp, Motorhead and Black Flag.
but is now ready for all the panty flinging acclaim that is long overdue
Simon and Carbuncle will bogart your boogie
coming soon to a podiatrist stadium venue near you...

great goats of history No. 5

'Heidi the Goat Snogger' from Jessie Wilcox Smith's 1923 children's book illustration.

viva el presidente!

y si...
la espana ha vencido el mundo y la copa del mundo
felicidades espanoles..
es la primera vez que la espana logre eso
despues de haber ganado la copa europea hace dos anos
estan oficialmente el equipo mas fuerte del mundo
despues de llegar en madrid han ido a ver el rey (!!!) y el primero ministro
por recibir las felicidades oficiales
entonces fueron mas de un millon de personas en las calles
para festejar la victoria y ver el equipo en un desfilo de ocho horas
estuvieron en un autobus de doble piso
como los de londres
pero obviamente con el techo removido
asi los juegedores podrian saludar las multidudines
en final han llegado en el centro de la ciudad donde estaba un escenario
con muchas celebraciones, musica, bailas y fuegos artificiales
la cosa mejor es que ganó jugando un juego bonito
a la opuesto de los holandeses que han jugado un juego feo
lo que es muy triste despues de ser el pais que inventó el football totál!
viva la tiki taka...

the four corners of your mind

thats what soldiers actually fight for
mentoring team alpha
its the way we must do our business
popalzai exists in every office
enemies of the power
ink blot of influence
who leave in august
across from patrol base trg
it is another day of fatigue and frustration
we stepped off at about five thirty am
and theres the dog
just calling in a nine liner now
unfortunately that was the end of it

what happened next? - Shpalman, that's what happened

Le Vibrazioni tribute to australias first female PM

Osstraya has a new prime minister, who has a lot going for her... shes a chick, she was born in Wales and shes an atheist.. Italian band Le Vibrazioní released Dedicato a te, Giulia- (Dedicated to you-Julia) 7 years ago in honour of the achievement...

Great goats of history No.4

Stone Free, the famously baffled goat was the creation of Sumerian master stonesmiths (or a 7 year old child)

vale lionelcino...

He was a good micio
he was a bouncy micio
he was a scratchy micio
he was a door hanging micio
he was an inside micio
he was a funky micio
he was a comedy micio
he was a friendly micio
vale lionelcino!

Great goats of history No.3

Jacob 'The Convicted Goat Botherer' with the Daughters of Laban by Louis Gauffier (1787)
Note the apprehensive expression on the goat's face as it seeks to escape from the onrushing and excited Jacob.

put thet un your chully bun...

yes they do sound this fucking stupid...

Great goats of history No.2

Constellation of Capricorn by Alexander Mair or "Seagoatvis" was famed for his ability to float boats.

great goats of history No. 1

"Trevor The Goat", Mughal painting from 1607.
The model later became a particularly spicy Goat Saag.

mechanically recovered meat

this is what goes into your hot dogs, sausage rolls and grossburgers! etc..

its (not) queenie's birfday...

there's no future for you Lizzie...

Fitba World Cup 2010 Preview- Group H

Spain-thththththhtpain are playing absofuckinglutely great fútbol of late and are a big chance of winning the copa mundial for the first time as so says TVE news every bloody day. They are the current euro chumps and play super attacking football... fuerza espana!

Switzerland-2/3 german, 1/5 french, 1/7 italian plus a few romansch and half a george make up switzerland. By rights they should be rubbish but it seems they have a great coach who has make them into a half decent team and this is the nation that won the americas cup whlist being landlocked.

Honduras- Last time Honduras showed up at the world cup, they were uber crap. It would seem that they will be better this time, but probs not enuff to scrape through to the next round. Which is a pity coz they need a break what with natural disasters and hits of the state.

Chile-The chillsters have also been playing fabbo fitba recently and kicked rear admiral in the south american qualifiers. Their argy bargy coach has taught them to play very groovily and its their first time back at the mundial for a bit so they will be super keen.

Predictions-Winner and through to next round-Spain, by a campo mile.
Second and through to next round-Chile . earth shatteringly.
Not qualified to next round-Plucky Honduras and polyglot nazi gold profiteers Schweiz.

Fitba World Cup 2010 Preview- Group G

Brasil-are just damn superb and as per usual stand a good chance of winning the cuppity cup cup. Despite the fact that their coach has got them playing comparatively boring fiba, they still should rock. 'tis a bit of a bummer that superbootooth little ronald wont be there for a few more frills and pills.

Korea DPR-is a misnomer if ever there was one. Democatric? bloody no! Peoples? nope they are all starving to death! Republic? fucking hardly! Only the Korea bit is half true. half of the players will be robots and the other half with be mutants with 8 foreheads. Oh and they will be rubbish.

Cote d'Ivoire-or honk de willy de honk as they are more correctly known are pretty damn good and have a groovy name like the marauding frolicky elephants. They have half a dozen toppest of levellest players from top european teams, so IF svennis can get their shit together they could destroy.

Portugal-djzdjzdjzdjz and all that jazz have a solid if unspectacular team, except for Cristiano Ronaldo, who is very spectacular and if he plays in a manner half as marvellous as he believes himself to be, they could do something, other than the gothic two step.

Predictions- First and qualified to next round- Brasil, of course
Second and qualified to next round-Portugal (if ronaldo stops looking in the mirror)
Not qualified to next round-the elephant stomperers and North Korea democracy everything is lovely and we arent dying of starvation dictatorship.

Fitba World Cup 2010 Preview- Group F

Italy-Mavaffanculo! Italy are the reigning world champions, whose boring negative tactics won them the last world cup. boo hiss! There is a good chance that they will win it again this time although there team is not as strong, their organization and cynicism knows no bounds.

Paraguay-The other 'guay played really well to qualify via the south american play offs and therefore most be considered a good chance to get out of the 'group of life'. I do like their slimming red and white stripes too.

New Zealand-hahahahahhahaha!!! New Zealand are quite possibly the worst team ever to get to a world cup finals. They are truly shit and to win a game, the opposition would have to commit hari kiri on the pitch, twice. What an embarrassment!

Slovakia-This may well be the first major tournament for the slovak bit of the old czechoetc.
The fact that they are there at all is a minor miracle and shows that they can play football a bit. Depending on paraguay's state of play, all the gold in Kosiçe might be required to get them through.

Predictions- First and through to next round-Italy, inevitably
Second and through to next round- Paraguay, after seeing off slovakia.
Not qualified to next round-Slovakia and NZ with a record negative points haul.

so elvis died of constipation...

haaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Fitba Word Cup 2010-Preview Group E

Netherlands-The orange people are a brilliant football team that play great attacking football. They have loads of quality players and could even win the whole shebanghole. Unlike in previous years they dont seem to be too busy arguing about who is the biggest and cleverest instead of making an effort to win. So watch out!

Denmark-Gotta love Denmark, for an ickle country with only 7 citizens they kick culo. Without loads of mega stars they will have to get their blonde shit together to progress. Their vikingness destroyed large chunks of europe and all the way to godblessamerica inc. before it even existed. So they are not to be messed with.

Japan-Team Kore Wa Pen Desu blue samurai are here again and will perform valiantly no doubt. Whether that is good enough to get out of the group stage is sumimasens guess. They certainly have enough quality but most of their players are jockeys.

Cameroon-Home ground height-advantage should mean the rampaging indomitable lion machines are looking good. Hopefully all their players will stay alive during this world cup, unlike the last one when one dropped dead on the pitch in the middle of the game, which was horrible.

Predictions-First and qualified to next round-Netherlands and their mental oranje people
second and qualified to next round-Cameroon coz they are well hard, and you dont fuck with lion machines
Not qualifed to next round-viking legend cars Denmark and rape of nanking nihon-jin japan.

Fitba Word Cup 2010-Preview Group D

Germany- der mineshaft or whatever nasty sounding thing they are called, have a huge chance of winning the world cup because, because they always do. Even without Michael Bollocks their captain they will go far, maybe even Dorking. Hang onto your Polands!

Osstraya- Oh dear oh dear. With pretty much the same team as the last world cup, minus their best player, Viduka and a couple of the others still playing whilst collecting pensions, australia are screwed. At Germany '06 they had a super coach, Goose Hiddink who inspired an average team to play beyond themselves, this time with super-underwhelming coach Verbleak they will be shite.

Serbia-Should destroy with their gnarli team and surprise the crap out of everybody else, maybe even der mineshaft. They may well employ the Alan Partridge three point plane, Think, Act, That's it!

Ghana-The black stars just lost fabbo player michael essien but should still be damn good and very entertaining. With the world cup being on their continent they will be super motivated and will wish to make Ms Klu happy. Just one question, how do you see a black star?

Predictions- first and qualified to the next round-Germany coz they just will.
second and qualified to the next round-Serbia, That's it!
not qualified to the next round-Unfortunate ghana and rubbish osstraya.

these mad fuckers could be the death of us all...

Israel reveals its true face

The murder of these peace activists will count. Sanctions must surely be the price

• 
• • Ahdaf Soueif
  • guardian.co.uk, Monday 31 May 2010 23.00 BST

This will count. A flotilla of relief boats attacked in international waters. Armed commandos boarding a vessel carrying supplies for a besieged civilian population. More than 10 peace activists reported killed. This has to be made to count.

The dead have joined Rachel Corrie, Tom Hurndall, James Miller and Brian Avery in giving up their lives for the Palestinians. None of these young men and women went out to die or wanted to die or was accepting of death. Each and every one of them ultimately believed that they were safe; that there was a boundary – call it a boundary of legality, a boundary of civilisation – that Israel would not cross. They were wrong. And in proving them wrong, Israel has revealed, once again, its true face to the world.

This face, of course, the Palestinians know well. They see it every day in the teenage soldiers of the occupation chewing gum as they dish out humiliations, in the settlers shooting young Palestinians with impunity, in the soldiers firing gas canisters at the heads of demonstrators. The world saw that face in January last year when Israel unleashed the might of its air force on Gaza – the only time in modern warfare that a civilian population was sealed in as it was being bombed and shelled. Now Israel is out on the high seas killing internationals.

So never mind the multimillion-dollar public relations campaign – actions speak louder than words, and the murder of these peace activists is Israel's message to the world. It does not matter what Mark Regev or any other Israel spokesperson says. It does not matter what spin the Israeli government tries to put on this; the only link between Israeli words and Israeli deeds is this: Israel uses words as a decoy and an obfuscation and a cover for its deeds. It has done so for 62 years. These internationals, dead now, murdered, have ensured that anyone who does not see this is wilfully blind.

Western governments are fond of holding up Israel as the "only democracy in the Middle East". So should we assume that the Israeli people are behind their government? That they approve these killings? Last month I was at al-Quds University in Abu Dis. Israel's wall shaved the edge off the campus. On it, in tall blue letters, a Palestinian student had written: "My Israeli sisters: this is not the answer."

A few days ago, young Jewish Israeli activists told me they saw that the only hope for their country lies with the international community. Israel is on a path to self-destruction, they said, and it will take the region with it. It will not stop, they said, until the price it pays for its actions becomes too heavy. This price has to be a moral and economic price imposed by the world.

My anger and my sadness are so great that I have to deliberately draw a deep breath from time to time to ease the bands I feel around my chest. It doesn't matter. What does matter is that millions of people in the world are feeling the same. People everywhere see and understand what is happening. Many of us feel that Palestine is nearing its South Africa moment. This latest outrage must push it closer. And it will.

Donations will, I'm sure, flood in to the other relief boats waiting in harbour. More and more people will take the boycott to heart. More civil bodies will insist on divestment from companies that do business with Israel. The time has come for the governments that represent us to stop engaging with Israeli lies and excuses. The price of Israel's action today has to be to put the issue of sanctions squarely on the table.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree/2010/may/31/israel-peace-activists-murder-sanctions

Greater Israel, Greater Schmisrael – the zionist entity is mad as a bag of cats

June 3, 2010 – 11:24 pm, by Guy Rundle

To support Israel, must be like supporting Collingwood in a final these days, watching through the fingers of the hand. ‘Oh f- …don’t do that. What are you thinking?’

Yet, whatever the horrors of the IDF raid on the Gaza flotilla, it has certainly brought a brutal government, indifferent to the suffering of the Palestinians, to account.

I speak of course of Hosni Mubarak’s Egypt.

The problem for Gaza has never been the closure of the Israel-Gaza border, but the closing of the Egypt-Gaza one, something applied by Mubarak both to keep Israel sweet, and to limit the influence of Hamas in Egypt, which provides direct competition to the more moderate Muslim Brotherhood.

By contrast, Mubarak will now be under great public pressure to leave the border open – both the current pedestrian one, and a larger one capable of taking trucks. Should that occur then the Gaza flotilla has won.

The importance of the Gaza-Egypt border goes well beyond letting in dangerous items such as painkiller and roofing materials that the Israelis apply such procedural sadism to. It gives the Palestinians a non-Israeli border and turns the stateless no-zone of Gaza into a quasi-state. Indeed….

….it reverses the relationship between the West Bank and Gaza, since it is the former which remains a sequestered bantustan, as Jerusalem is gradually turned into an Arabfrei themepark.

Yet in defending the flotilla, as one does and must, it would be pretty foolish to give a simplistic account of the events, which appear to be wreathed in bad faith from both sides. Chief among these is a single narrative conspired in both sides, suggesting that Israel is unitary and strong, the Free Gaza, and the entire Palestinian movement, a well-regulated non-violent movement. All of that is nonsense.

If this crazy raid made anything clear, it is – as suggested earlier by the 2006 Lebanon invasion and Cast Lead – that Israel is a country whose leadership is fractured and quasi-hysterical, with many of these provocations (including the Dubai assassination) more likely to be a product of elite disunity in Israel than of any firm or collective sense of purpose of decades earlier.

Zionism has always (minor strands aside) been a chauvinist ideal, but the way that has been expressed has changed across its history. The Labour leadership from 1948 to 1977 asserted Israel’s identity as a Jewish state by the simple act of building it (and simultaneously demolishing most of Arab Palestine). The victory of the post-fascist Likud party in 1977 brought to power a terrorist (Begin), a war criminal (Sharon) and a pro-Nazi war criminal terrorist (Shamir), who simply picked up the policy of 1948 – ethnic cleansing (via housing and settlements) for the creation of a fictional greater Israel. Nevertheless, as brutal as these men were, they were capable of trading and realpolitik, veterans of the 20^th century.

Now the country has made its third turn, with the drawing of the Beitenu party into the coalition. With a base of East European Jews, Beitenu has significant control of foreign policy, a manic need to assert a Jewish identity politics, and a shedload of ressentiment at the gross anti-semitism they suffered in the southern former USSR nations – a ressentiment they appear to be dealing with by applying it to Arabs inside and outside the 1967 borders.

That would be bad enough, but Israeli society and politics is becoming increasingly coloured by a specific fundamentalism coming in with immigrants from the US – people fleeing not pogroms in New Jersey, but the anomie of American life, and bringing a cloddish, historically fictional fundamentalist Judaism owing less to Orthodoxy and more to the style of US Christian fundamentalism.

Under this style, your faith does not suffer from being an absurd contradiction with your secular knowledge – the more absurd, the more you feel an achievement of faith by believing it. Under that rule, you can even falsify the present to serve the higher truth of the past.

Take the ‘heritage trail’ that Jerusalem’s lunatic US-born mayor is currently foisting on the city, prompting the demolition of a couple of hundred Palestinian houses. This is effectively a semi-fictional reverse Judaisation of a city that has been polycultural for millennia.

Its object is to take a living city and turn it into a dead thing – its callousness to living Palestiinians, its soft negation of them, has less in common with Sabre and Chatila, or the wall, or security roads, than it does with Disneyworld or Creationist Theme Parks in Kansas. It is a pathetic political narcissism, which must invent a past to enforce a right without acknowleding the suffering or even the real existence of others.

Such hysterical narcissism – hysterical in the sense that every form of opposition no matter how formal or pitiful is taken to threaten one’s whole existence – appears to be spreading to a degree in the army, the secret services and elsewhere. Avigdor Lieberman’s attempt to make it illegal for Israeli Arabs to commemorate the national day as one of mourning for the ‘nabka’/catastrophe is an example of this, as was the soundbites given by one US West Bank settler when asked whether they would leave: ‘where should we go – Auschwitz?’.

Zionism was a eurocentric nationalist (or pseudo-nationalist) politics. This new version is an identity politics, quite a different thing. As an identity politics, it becomes increasingly bound in spectacular, rather than effective action. Everything becomes an imitation of earlier, more effective action. The Dubai assassination, caught on more cameras than any given scene in a James Cameron movie, was an imitation of the post-Munich assassinations of Black September – indeed it was in effect an imitation of the Spielberg version of Munich, Mr Simulacra all over again.

The Gaza flotilla? The Entebbe raid of 1977 redux, when nihilistic post-RAF terrorists had separated Jewish passengers on a hijacked flight, protected by (former Israeli client leader) Idi Amin. The difference? Entebbe was meticulously planned by a unified and purposeful government acting in a situation of utter moral clarity. The flotilla raid was a farce hurridly perpetrated while the country’s prime minster was out of the country, retrospectively justified as a raid on a ‘terror’ fleet, leaving poor old Aussie boy Mark Regev – who now looks about 14 years old, even as his hair thins under the stress – to front the world’s media,and spin like a greased top.

It’s a measure of such spectacular identity politics that it will always sacrifice real benefit for imaginary gain. Had they intercepted the flotilla in daylight and slowly, the militants on the boat favouring direct confrontation would have been over-ruled by the vast majority favouring nonviolence. But whoever authorised the raid – and Regev was evasive about whether this was Netenyahu, which it probably wasn’t – wanted to avoid that one thing: any notion that the encounter might be one of negotiation, of right meets right. To preserve the simultaneous sense of power and victimhood that Israel lives off, an event was required that rendered the other as purely terroriistic and criminal.

The imaginary gratification has been achieved, but the real loss- the final sundering of the Turkey-Israel accord, a cold war relic that would only have survived through careful maintenance – is extraordinarily inept, one with actual strategic consequences for the country.

The pro-Israel right a la Greg Sheridan and the National Review, is already spinning this as somehow Turkey’s fault, which is nuts. Turkish PM Erdogan’s EKP government has its extreme fringe – but that is all the more reason why Erdogan and others were eager to maintain its secular and western connections, ultimately leading to EU membership.

It’s also why Turkish anti-americanism – at least until the Iraq war – was so muted, especially in the country’s metropolitan West. Israel’s actions over the past 5 years have boxed him into a corner. This was an alliance so important that Israel was the only country in the world that officially took the position that there had been no Armenian genocide – even though that event spurred Hitler on to believe that a Holocaust would be achievable, with global acquiescence.

Why would Israel act so crazily? That gets us to the final part of the riddle. Israel’s actions make sense only if much of it is in fact mere reflection and projection of an internal struggle – between the old Likud elite, now swamped by corruption and cynicism – and chauvinist and fundamentalist elements within, relentlessly focused on futile confrontation with the world.

Such futile exercises are premised on the notion that Israel is independent and strong.In fact it is dependency on steroids. Created by a UN partition fostered in a colonial mandate and designed as a continuation of it, its independence fight rendered successful by international recognition, it returns again and again to the western court of opinion to legitimate its acts – and then claims victimisation when it (rather than North Korea) is judged by those standards. Its relations with neighbouring states are in fact with the imposed elites of those states, who may not be there for ever, or even for long ( and it is those states, such as Egypt, and their accommodations as regards the land issue, that must bear a responsibility for the Palestinian predicament). If it is still in a position to be unthreatened by sanctions or a real change in US policy, its vulnerability to those possible actions is that much clearer.

True, there is bad faith on the other side as well. To defend the flotilla does not require a blind insistence that it was all hippies and novelists. There may well have been an Islamist faction aboard, so why deny it, or that they put up resistance to a raiding party in international waters? Or even that they were spoiling for a barney? It was the IDF’s chaotic raid that made such possible – a raid that may have been mounted by the IDF unilaterally, forcing the government into restrospective responsibility for it. Who knows?

Whatever can be said, two things are certain: a victory, at terrible cost, has been achieved, and Israel will fuck up again worse very soon. The collywobbles take a lot of shaking.

http://blogs.crikey.com.au/thestump/2010/06/03/greater-israel-greater-schmisrael-the-zionist-entity-is-mad-as-a-bag-of-cats/

Fitba World Cup 2010 Preview- Group C

Engerland-at every major event english fans believe that their team will win, and every single time they are dead wrong coz they are shit. Except this time. With an italian coach who scares all the prattish players into line they actually have a chance of doing it. but they wont.

Godblessamerica inc.-have been playing soccerball surprisingly well lately. if only their fans could stop shooting eachother long enough to notice it. Whats more their players arent all typical egomaniacs as most godblessamericans are, because they play a 'girls' sport. But everybody still hates them.

Algeria-Poor, poor bastards. Imagine being colonised by the arabs and then the french! They should give the other teams a scare, if not only coz al qaeda might bomb the crap out of them.

Slovenia-beat motherrussia to get to the finals, damn impressive considering there are only 2 million of them and motherrussia has 345354545billion. Achieved by 'team spirit' 'playing for eachother'and 'usual horseshit blah blah blah'. Capable of underdogging all they way to a motorway lay-by near you.

Group C prediction-First and qualified to next stage (unfortunately) Engerland
second and qualifed to next stage godblessamerica inc. (ditto)
not qualified to next round dangerous algeria and plucky slovenia

wotchutalkinboutdennis?

Tough times of late in bollockswood. Last week saw the passing of two notable names.
Dennis Hopper was a movie industry rebel and counterculture icon, he starred in many grand things such as Giant, Easy Rider (which he co-wrote and directed), Apocalypse Now and complete nutmet in Blue velvet. He took too many drugs and lived a life of excess but didnt fall off the globe like many contempories. He also was a celebrated artist and photographer.
Gary Coleman died too, he became famous in different strokes as a 73 year old playing a little child and said 'whatchu talkin 'bout willis?' a lot. He then went on to be a security guard and beat up some women.

Fitba World Cup 2010 Preview- Group B

Argentina- The Argies have a magnificent squad that is easily capable of winning the world cup. Unfortunately they also have a complete buttmunch of a manger, Dago maradoona. He left most of the best players at home and now seems destined to fuck up the tournament for his nation and the best player in the world, Mr messi.

Nigeria-Nige-eria should be having a big world cup, what with it being it africa and all. But as it is a country of lunatics and psychopaths they will probably get a half-dozen red cards per match and forfeit the lot.

Korea Republic-What a charming name for a country! Korea Republic, why not Korea Dance-Party Fish-Sticks Wonderpants? Whatever their daft name they have a good chance of getting out of the group as they are not completely rubbish and the other teams might fall in a pit of taipans.

Greece-Greece are pants, not the saucy kind that lingerie models wear, but shit old man y-fronts with stains around the arse department. They won the european championship 6 years ago by literally boring the other teams and any spectators to death. They play horrible defensive football and deserve to fried alive in a vat of aegean oil.

Group B prediction-Argentina first and through to next stage
second and through to next stage (briefly)-Korea sminky pinky Republic
not qualified to next round- pyscho nigeria and coma-inducing Greece

a man walks into a bar

he was an alcoholic, so nothing new there...

Fitba World Cup 2010 Preview-Group A

the fifa coca pepsi compulsory detention kodak larium 2010 world cup is almost here!

and its coming to you from luvverly seth efrica, the stabbiest country in the world. The first world cup in africa, brilliant!

today LBS (Limebeaver Bollocks Service) brings you a preview of Group A.

Seth Efrica- The host team will have huge home support from a million screaming vuvuzelas and almost as many bouncing fans. Sadly they are shit and will probably lose all their matches, which is a pity for said bouncing fans and general festy vibe.

Me-hico- will be coming on strong after ditching Svennis the Pennis and may well thththth their way further into the tournament which will make a lot of people in north america that arent bungholes very happy. Viva Mexico!

Uruguay-after recovering from missing the last world cup due to osstraya despite their humbly proclaimed 'divine right', over-achieving 4 million populationed Uruguay are back and should be looking to progress beyond the groupy stage. May even be labelled 'ththththPlucky Little Uruguay' at some point.

France-Not so long ago world champs and euro champs, these days they have to resort to playing handball and being cheating surrender monkey bastards to get there. Their coach is a complete dildo and has managed to take a team chock-full of talent and make them utter crap.

Expect them to suck awfully but still in a with a chance of progress due to being in rather average group.

Group A prediction- winner and qualified to next round Mexico

second and qualified to next round Uruguay

not qualified to next round, shit france and shitter seth efrica

smile n mother fucking arse tango

im well pissed off

its been 6 months since i tried to buy some RON from some idiotic shambleshop in godblessamerica

i went the ebabes

with which ive not had a single problem before

amongst the 80ish purchases transacted over years

but these fucking idiotic gun-humping, bible sucking deadshit godblessamericans...

no, that was good enough for them

they had to fuck it up, queen size

falsely advertise the product

saying it would work with my gear

which it fucking didnt

then I,

fucking I

pay to post it back to stupid deficente godbless america

and pay MORE

to get the correct RON which they promise to post out asafuckingp

2 weeks later?

fucking nothing!

1 month later?

fucking nothing!

i email them and they say just be patient itll arrive soon

all in good faith corporate american wank etc

7 weeks later?

still fucking arse fucking nothing!

they answer my email with some cockmunch and bullshit story

we have to apply for insurance then we can refund your money

coz it must be lost in the mail

we are an open and transparent business and we appreciate your custom bullshit bullshit

fucking bunghole cuntfaced stronzi!

you will be contacted within 21 days to confirm insurance request

21 days later?

fucking still bastarding nothing!

i send email asking what in the name of flying fuckfacedpigfaced shit is going on

4 days later?

fucking bastard shit fuckbarbarastreisand nothing!

i email again telling them how disappointed i am and if i receive no answer i will take it to ebay and seek compensation.

4 days later?

fucking fucking fucking fuckety fuck fuck fuck off doublebarbarastreisandadamsandlersandrabollocks nothing!

im going to fucking learn to make virus's and send them the nastiest fucking virus in history

goddam fuckingfuckfaces!

the moral of this story?

fuck godblessamerica, fuck computers, fuck ebay and fuck right off!

the stupidest song name ever?

and whats worse is i dont think they are doing irony...

what does he mean? what is he trying to say?

does he shag lavatories?

does he shag in lavatories?

does he meet tall black men called 'john, really' in lavatories and machine love them?

does he love his 'lavatory machine'?

has he ever made love to a machine, coz thatd be like making love to him, coz hes like a lavatory machine...

There can be only one...

VERSUS

wanna see a real challenge?
sod that lightweight upper crust ponce crap, Man versus Wild with bear grylls!
this is the real thing, a true test of courage in the face of adversity, Man versus Mild with lucky grills of Bargearse fame!

who is who... m?

One of these people is a monstrous creation covered in excessive makeup who exists in a fantasy world with a strange unpleasant voice.
The other one is quite pretty...

jay-hove fan club, sign up here...

oh shes good
shes damn good
she very clever, cleverer than you
or a dozen einsteinium parcels
has a corker of a sense of humour
more fun than a busload of clowns on acid
ridiculously kind
so kind she once saved a drowning ant and gave it resuscitation
and determined!
when she sets her sights on something, its hers
come hell or high dining
more perceptive than a perceptometer
quite an athlete too
can run 100metres in 12 seconds flat
swim the 1500metres faster than torpid-o
and bench press a dozen fattened calves
and bit mike tysons ear off, for a giggle
she is sooo thoughtful she single handedly reinvented philosophy
making voltaire, erusmus and plato look like so many homer simpsons
quite a chef too
iron chefs are positively balsa chefs in comparison

and she does a good line in screwdrivers
if only they were of any use...

too fast for you

way too fast for you
streaking ahead
a shadowy streak into the future
eat dust cakes
disappearing over the horizon
a distant shadow in the darkening
exponentially accelerating
possibly beyond eyesore
faster than a speeding bullock
not that stupid bint
what was that?
up-on the earth
is it a girt
is it plain jane
poor thing she meant well
leaving hadrons behind
no need for collisions
a blurred crusade of velocity
rocketing skywards
blazing a trail mix
sonically booming
leaving debris, detritus and desolation
scorched earth
a song in spaceman 3?
kicking into hypo drive
going to ludicrous speed
light warps into pretty patterns as i overtake
straight lines
purple lines
blue lines
a massif central a-tack
going where no time been before
destination?

perhaps the lamb and flag in covent garden...