the view here from the mid-table is alright
middling one could say
and one just did
you cant make out great events on the horizon
they are obscured
by the banal stuff
we would like to break into the top echelons
amongst the big forty
but it seems we destined to stay here
at the mid-table
we are taking it one juego at a time
going for the hard pelotas
and striving to improve on the uno por ciento's
they might take us up to the top table
instead of here at the mid of the kiddies fold out version
with the unfashionable equipos
you know the ones
with drool slinking ever closer to the arepa
with boogers protruding from both narices
these guys are forever on the lower edge of the table
with a solid chance that they might even end up on another table altogether
or all together
perhaps we should resign ourselves life at the mid-table
instead of this foolish dreaming of a sugardaddy's
that might, just might
life us up from the mid-table to where we rightly belong
no
life at the mid-table is alright
if only we could get these sporks out of our butts...
stolen from The Obvserver Sunday 21 June 2009
On age
We shall all be old one day - provided, of course, we can avoid being slaughtered on the roads or beaten up by some hooligan in a peace demonstration (1970)
To a blind woman with a guide dog
Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now? (2002)
To his wife after her coronation
Where did you get that hat? (1953)
On turning 80
I'm not sure I recommend it. It's not so much the age, but trying to survive the celebrations (2001)
Arriving to open a youth centre in Brighton
Who are you burying today? (2007)
Meeting Nigeria's president, who was in robes
You look like you are ready for bed (1956)
To Russell Brand, about the woman next to him in a royal variety show line-up
She's got all the right stuff in all the right places (2007)
On Number 10's idea for Diana's funeral
F*** off - we are talking about two boys who have lost their mother (1997)
Told by Elton John of his gold Aston Martin
Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car - we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle (2001)
To president Kenyatta during Kenya's independence, as the Union Jack was lowered
Are you sure you want to go ahead with this, old chap? (1963)
On death
In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, to contribute something to solving overpopulation (1988)
To the General Dental Council
Dentopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. I have been practising it for years (1960)
To Cherie Blair, on hearing that London had won the 2012 Olympic bid
I'm so old I won't be here (2005)
Told by president Obama of meetings already that day with the Chinese, Russians, Brown and Cameron
Can you tell the difference between them? (2009)
To a fashion writer at a world wildlife fund gathering
You're not wearing mink knickers, are you? (1993)
and a complete muppet....
