a REAL man?

what makes a real man?
is it opening doors for chicks?
is it going off to war and killing?
is it winning an arm wrestle?
is it winning a soggy biscuit contest?
is it slaying a dragon?
is it drinking 24 beers and not soiling yourself?
is it having a fast car?
is it being a big executive with a big package?
is it putting food on the table?
is it walking out with a pretty girl?
is it bulging biceps?
is it turning the other cheek?
is it taking more drugs than your next door neighbour?
is it siring handsome children?
is it drinking a fizzy drink and spilling it down your front?
is it having a drinking problem instead of emotions?
is it kicking a ball and crashing into somebody?
is it crying when the cat gets run over?
is it smoking cigarettes through your nostrils?
is it watching bruce willis films and not flinching?
is it writing poems of love and screaming them to the heavens?
is it throwing your coat on a puddle for a lady?
is it suffering in silence?
is it out-dancing john travolta?
is it an appreciation of rimbaud or goya?
is it squeaking loudest on the squash court?
is it beating up strangers in a dark street?
is it climbing the worlds highest peaks?
is it beating your wife and kids?
is it telling your mates you love them at the urinal?
is it shooting indigenous people?
is it being able to darn your socks?
is it leaving the last cheesy poof?

bloody no! it's opening your beer on a stake in edinburgh gardens.... shock and oar!!!