who was that fat bastard?

was it just the other day?
the battle of trafalgar took on less than epic proportions
the toilets in the station were open
the toilets in the station were clean
ned kelly became a man meal
but even he could not replace a fat bastard
paul kelly tried, but he was just gristle
dan kelly moved in his own groove
but his fringe encumbered his progress
i never knew i wanted a fat bastard
i never knew a fat bastard could be so satisfying
hopes high
parking in the parking
not yet camping in the you know what
screeching to the heavens
(sure they are)
good woman, I demand a fat bastard
(not knowing what this mysterious object was)
only to be cut off with news that no fat bastard was available
is there a christian businessmen without testicles meeting in the town hall? i meekly enquired
No, she proclaimed... they were in demand
the younglings rounded them up around morning dinner time
only now realising the folly of my ways
i cut a hasty retreat with a nose bag o ned
and had to make do
as day turned to night
the beasties in the easties circled
the night sky churned
day scorched holes in cows
night fell and became the great equalizer
horizontally challenging
so on and so forth this cycle continued
pushing back ladies' skirts
rubbing wrong rhubarbs
until the day of the fat bastard came
it didnt begin with great fanfare
tickertape parades?
no way josebot
it dawned as inevitably as the desire on a billboard
would the fat bastard bare his wares?