Sunday, October 18, 2009

sick of being a monoglot?

so you wanna speak another language?
you wanna bang on in mandarin?
you wanna blurt out innapropriate things in catalan?
you wanna rant in quecha?
you wanna mass debate in welsh?
you wanna blather in xhosa?
you wanna you wanna you wanna etcetera?
its now sublimely easy, with limebeavers patented shiny shoed go fuck yourself method!
with our remarkable new technology we will get you boring others senseless with your ill-informed opinions in the language of our choice in no time!
but wait!
theres more!
our super efficent and efficacious methods will not only get your bigoted ideas across in the language etcetera, but it will also make your schlong longer *(if you dont have one, tough shit),make your hair shinier* (could be absolute crap), make you infinitely more attractive to the opposite sex *(not that theres anything wrong with that) and make your buttocks seven times firmer and eleven times smellier!
HOW!!!??? you scream
its easy, just send loadsa wonga in unmarked, mixed notes to the Limebeaver Intellect Advancement Rogering Service (LIARS) in your nearest regional centre that doesnt suck and we will send you our unique, kick back department of trousers device, really bloody soon, honestly!
if you dont partake in this offer we will send round our fatties and break your china doggy collection, TWICE!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Saturday, October 10, 2009

the three evil step-sisters

once upon an etcetera there were three evil step-sisters
firstly there was the wicked conspiring vecchia
ooh she was bad
she turned an ocean into rancid scum topped puddles
she came and then she went
secondly there was grassa
her entire skeletal system was made of bad, bad bones
she danced the satanic dances of time
then disappeared into thin hair with a tiny little 'POOF'
only to return to rattle her chains from the great beyond
just the one rattle
but it was sinister indeed!
finally there was the most evil of all
brutta was her name and brutta was her game
she threaded strands of pure badness into her smock
then wore it about town with gleeful abandon
she drifted in, out and all about
and was finally burned at the stake on a remote cursed hillock

naw, just kidding, they were great guys....

Friday, October 09, 2009

so bored you google your own crap?

yes, me too...
and this is what blog directory www.blogrankers.com said about this here blog;
http://www.blogrankers.com/index.php?do=sitedetails&id=1237

''Description: ranting and raving of an articulate fringe dweller ...''

ha! so it seems somebody somewhere must have looked at this crap
and its pretty spot-on..

yours faithfully
dwelling on the fringe of robert smith
your unabomber without the bomber
dishevelledly hunkered feverishly in a hut in the outskirts your mind, ranting and raving (in)articulately at the all-conspiring universe
LB (or not)

Thursday, October 08, 2009

well that fucking sucks

it does suck
it sucks large chunky ones
micio has fallen off the universal bike
he has kicked the intergalactic bucket
he has bought the transworld farm
yeah yeah yeah
and all that jazz
he was a tall chap
he was a furry gent
he was a chatty fellow
he was stretchy geezer
things hadnt been going that well
he had that whole cough thing happening
it was a the deal for a whlie
seemingly unchecked
at least a couple of months of horrid coughing
and then it stopped
shona said they had done stuff
but simon didnt seem so sure
simon then came over and picked him up
and then nothing
so the call was made a month later
and they think it is all over
and they are right...
he was the leader of the pack
but now hes gone
(and that fucking sucks)

Sunday, October 04, 2009

AND!!!

what a blinding weekend
it was amazing
it was all about sex and drugs and rock'n'roll
admittedly there wasnt really any sex had
aaaanddd
well there werent actually any drugs involved
aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnd
also, there wasnt a lot of rock'n'roll going on
but there was a shedload of AND

Saturday, October 03, 2009

so a frenchman and a russian walk into tent on a raft...


On June 25, 1807, Tsar Alexander I travelled to Tilsit on the western border of the Russian empire to discuss peace with the Emperor of France, Emporer Napoleon I. To signify their equal status, they met on a raft moored precisely in the center of the Niemen River — the boundary between Russia and Europe.

So how did these two incredibly powerful emporers find common ground and agree to end the bloodshed that had killed hundreds of thousands of men?

When the Tsar met Napoleon he had one goal in mind: to find a peaceful solution that would benefit him. And the first thing he said to Napoleon in French was... "Sir, I hate the English as much as you do." And Napoleon said, "So we have made peace."

By mutual loathing of the English of course...

Friday, October 02, 2009

sogni persi o no?

sogni della morte
sogni della vita
sogni della felicita
sogni del articolo definito
sogni del bel paese
sogni della bella ragazza
sogni del ridicolo
sogni dei jeans blu
sogni di sale!
sogni della lingua sbagliata
sogni della corretezza
sogni della simplicita
sogni del accento giusto
su o giu
sogni di declenzione
sogni della parola esatta
sogni di si!
sogni di molto no
sogni di lei
sogni di lui
sogni dei cari
sogni dei denti
sogni della paura
sogni del tempo sbagliato
sogni della visione giusta
sogni della certezza
sogni realizzati
sogni di frustrazioni
sogni di un bel posto
sogni di tempo abbondante
sogni di te
sogni di me
sempre 'sti sogni

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

who's your favourite pavel?


1) pavel pogrebnyak



















2) pavel nedved

















3) pavel ploc









or do you have your own favourite pavel?

VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!
NOW NOW NOW!!!
voting is open until closing and votes are charged at a very reasonable $14.00 each.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

unfinished barrel business

life is a barrel of monkeys
a nice royal blue one
with fake wood effects on the exterior
but not the interior
small let downs sometimes hurt the most
unscrew the top
clock or anti clock wizened
its up to you
they both work
and inside!!!!
a plethora of monkeys
a little on the flat side
but who gives a toss?
they have stamped faces, arms and feetsies
theres a red one
theres a blue one
theres another blue one
theres a yellow one
theres a red one
theres another yellow one
and a blue one
whats This?!!!
ABOMINATION!
a green one???!!!
oh sorry it was just the light refracting erroneously
its blue as blue can be
and thats pretty blue
if you like they can hook arms
so you can make a monkey chain
not a daisy chain
twat!
you can make a little monkey chain
or a big fuck off monkey chain
liberty of choice is a marvellous thing
decades of wholesome existential chain fun with a barrel of monkeys
your life that is
brought to you by the non existent folk at God's Everything Is Lovely Family Toy inc.
unless you god the crap version
a toilet of monkeys...

Monday, September 28, 2009

nauru; a crap island


no really, it is... here they are digging it up to sell it to buffoons

Saturday, September 26, 2009

diamond geezer

alright guvna, got a new motor? cackle, cackle...

Friday, September 25, 2009

it's all relative

IT is all relative
but to whom?
brothers or hermanas?
cugini or uncles?
fils or abuelos?
genitori or nipoti?
or just that second cousin twice removed that nobody wants to talk about?
you know the one
you have one
everybody has one
in particular royalty has hordes of 'em
the one that was locked up in top room of the tower
the biggest tower
with the darkest, windingest and ricketiest staircase
the one that if you asked about
you got shushed into an undignified silence
and great aunt bertrice came over all queer and had to go powder her nose
the tv presenters deranged half brother
the pop singers cow bothering father
the sports stars sister that ate all the pies
and then threw them up on direct, live, streaming and podcast interglobal tv
the poor wan child who
try as he might just couldnt jump the whole puddle
let down his parents and got muddy water splashed all over his knee high socks
or maybe IT is you?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Les truly is more





he's a rager not a fighter baby...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Belin! From the ridiculous to the sublime

Do you want some ruffle with that?
Ritratto di Brigida Spinola Doria by Pieter Paul Rubens, Genova 1606...
(click on it to make it bigger and prettier)

Friday, September 18, 2009

jar of shite!

and you thought vegemite, promite and marmite were crap?
come and see the real thing! (ooh mau mau)

Thursday, September 17, 2009

i will have that hour back thanks

step 1. try to get respectable fully knowing that entrance to bunghole bar could be problematic
step 2. achieve relative respectability
step 3. head of to tram stop in suddenly torrential rain
step 4. wait for fucking ever for crap tram service
step 5. get cranky about waiting and consider chucking it all in
step 6. tram shows and simple trip to toon
step 7. alight tram, tend to fundage necessities
step 8. approach bunghole bar with trepidation
step 9. pretentious arsehole does the up and down looking and make up crap excuse for refusal
step 10. express disbelief at pretentious arseholes threadbare excuse
step 11. realise debating is pointless and depart hoping to have some dignity intact
step 12. consider going for a pint at nearby public house
step 13. plump for tram stop
step 14. play the crap tram waiting game again
step 15. fume over pretentiousness of arseholes and pronto location choice
step 16. tram back again
step 17. go to local paper shop for consolatory beers
step 18. ahhh thats better..
step 19. WANKERS!
step 20. repeat steps 19 & 20 ad nauseum

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

beer tips for vampires

one ahahahahah: drink your beer in the dark-its better for you
two ahahahahah: you need not use your fangs to open beer-there are twist tops now
three ahahahaha: drink Bloody Brand Beer-must i explain?
four ahahahahah: long necks are highly desirable-more nape
five ahahahahaah: light beer is for lightweight vampires-what are you a bloodsucking monster or a bloodsucking mouse?
six ahahahahaha: when you do a number two in the pub bogs, dont tuck your cape into your smalls-very uncool
seven ahahahaha: using your coffin for an esky may seem clever, but will you sleep in the bath?
eight ahahahahah: when hungover, stick to bloody marys-you just have to find where they live
nine ahahahahah: exotic beers with chili are okay-ones with garlic are not
ten ahahahahaha: do not get pissed and fall asleep on the lawn-unless you have a death wish

heres looking virtually at you G Man

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Saturday, September 12, 2009

limping bald people in westminster

loads of them
wearing dark suits
how do i know this?
coz i sat by the window on the first floor
and watched them limping baldly
to and from st james park tube
instead of working hard for my 4 squid an hour
you pay peanuts
you get allergies

Friday, September 11, 2009

and then my rectum didnt prolapse

pre christmas 1996
george and i head to the outskirts of swansea to sort out a hire car
george had hired a car from this mechanic bloke before
probably the van we went in to alton towers for his birthday
it all seemed okay
all the fackin stewwdents buggered off to see their fams for xmas
i came solo polo mint back to pick it up on the 29th
it seemed rather flash to me
a volvo estate
with a seat warmer in the driver seat!
i motored off feeling very grown up
got on the end of the m4
and zoomed past port talbert and the sin factory
past the phony castle
past cardydd and newport and over the severn on the rather new big bridge
i didnt see richey from the manic street preachers
past bristol and turned off for bath
from bath i headed for the wild woods of colerne
(where i imagine mr lydon had his binoculars on top of box hill)
to dear catherines parents house
we went for a bit of a spin around
and then we went flying over some traffic humps
she introduced me to zovirax
i stayed the night there and in the morning we set off
picking up george, ems, grim, cym from bristol station
(scene of young ones filming)
where they converged from their various family abodes
and we zoomed north on the m5
we stopped at a services somewhere
got some petrol and some munch
catherine didn't discover porn mags all over the carpark
perhaps an hour or so later i noticed that we needed petrol again
thirsty seat warmers!
so we pulled off the motorway short of gloucester and went to a petrol station
where somebody discovered a happy trail behind us
we got a mechanic to look at it
and he said it was big trub, would take a few days to fix
there was a hole in the botswana and it had been a bodgy fix
which was a fucking disaster because today was the 30th!
from a phone booth we rang the geezer in swansea
who was most uncooperative and wanted us to wait while he came to look at it!
after he talked to the mechanic he sulkingly agreed that he would pay for us to get a hire car in gloucester
so we took our super comfy estate car drippingly into gloucester to europcar
they had a car that suited our needs but it was pricey
so from the office we called welsh prick again
i tell him the price and he gets cranky and says its too much
being crap i ummed and erred and didnt know what to do
thankfully catherine took the phone and kicked his arse into next week
and before you knew it he was giving his credit card details to the europcar chick
we got a nice modern reddish car
and scorched off ever northwards to be in edinburgh that night for hogmanaying
as lovely warm seated volvo sat forlornly in the europcar carpark for dodgy swansea mechanic to come pick it up....

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

the wrong trousers



isn't islam great!!!


'Indecent trousers': Sudanese woman spared flogging, jailed
September 8, 2009 - 4:59PM


Sudanese journalist Lubna Ahmed al-Hussein has been sent to jail after she refused to pay a fine imposed for wearing trousers deemed "indecent", one of her lawyers says.

"She has been taken to the women's prison in Omdurman [the twin city of Khartoum]," Kamal Omar said on Monday.

Earlier in the day, a Khartoum court spared Ms Hussein a whipping but instead fined her 500 Sudanese pounds ($235).
Sudanese journalist and UN staffer Lubna Hussein, wearing the same trousers that had sparked her arrest, is seen outside the court where she was convicted of violating the public indecency law by wearing trousers outdoors and fined US$200, in Khartoum, Sudan.

"I won't pay. I'd rather go to prison," she told AFP by telephone before she was taken to jail, though her lawyers said they would try to persuade her to pay.

Speaking as they emerged from the court hearing, which was barred to the press, witnesses said the court had ruled that Ms Hussein be jailed for a month if she failed to pay the fine.

Under Sudanese law, she could have been sentenced to a maximum of 40 lashes for "indecency" under Islamic principles after being arrested with 12 other women wearing trousers in a Khartoum restaurant in July.

Women in trousers are not a rare sight in Sudan but the authorities can take offence at trousers that reveal too much of a woman's shape, leading to accusations from human rights groups that judgment is arbitrary.

Ten of the women arrested on the indecent dress charge, including Christians, were subsequently summoned by the police and each given 10 lashes.

Ms Hussein could have suffered a similar punishment, but instead she challenged the charge and began a publicity campaign to try to have the law changed.

AFP

Monday, September 07, 2009

im sure

im sure there are americans that arent gun toting religious buttholes
im sure there are worldly chinese
im sure there are tall thais
im sure there are emo bands that arent shit
im sure there are conservative politicians that arent cunts
im sure there are dogs that dont chase their tails
im sure nige has a hair left on his head somewhere
im sure not all religious people are ignorant fuckwits
im sure all take away food isnt completely without nutrients
im sure the programmers for commercial tv channels arent all contemptuous morons
im sure leon is getting larger
im sure the nips are are getting bigger
im sure george will answer my email one day
im sure all israelis arent dirty, racist, land-thieving pricks
im sure aliens arent all green
im sure that doesnt taste as good as it looks
im sure not every arab man is sexist backward eejiot
im sure i will recall all the particulars of all the grammar of 3 languages
im sure there is intelligent life in the suburbs
im sure socrates banged on a lot
im sure there is beauty in the german language
im sure those ecuadorian fuckwits had a redeeming feature between them
im sure theres a point here somewhere...

Sunday, September 06, 2009

noel and liams downfall...



thanks to Mr Fisher...

Saturday, September 05, 2009

got nothing to say?

write a blog...

Thursday, September 03, 2009

george cantstandya


you know who really sucks arse?
the bottom of the barrel?
the scum of the earth?
the etcetera of the etcetera?
yes
its salesmen
or salespersons or whatever the hell they are called in a politically correct millenium
their whole reason to be (or raison détre or something) is to fuck you over
they earn their living by fucking people over
the more they fuck you over
the more targets they hit
the more bullshit they speak
the more they scam anybody and everybody
the more money they make
so they are ultra motivated to scam, bullshit and fuck over as many people as possible!
what is that these people contribute to society?
fucking nothing!
FUCK OFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, August 31, 2009

Sunday, August 30, 2009

hidden treasures-tupac amaru's gold or a couple of random comments?

i've recently been finding comments on old blog postings
there are several pearls of wisdom
and then there are your comments (boom boom!)
of which i knew nothing
getting comments is brilliant
and quite the rarity
as i am incoherent most of the time
I have no idea when comments show up
this devilish machine doesn't notify me
so if you leave a comment
i may discover it at some point
and when i do
i will be immensely grateful
and devastatingly handsome

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

mid-table rant

the view here from the mid-table is alright
middling one could say
and one just did
you cant make out great events on the horizon
they are obscured
by the banal stuff
we would like to break into the top echelons
amongst the big forty
but it seems we destined to stay here
at the mid-table
we are taking it one juego at a time
going for the hard pelotas
and striving to improve on the uno por ciento's
they might take us up to the top table
instead of here at the mid of the kiddies fold out version
with the unfashionable equipos
you know the ones
with drool slinking ever closer to the arepa
with boogers protruding from both narices
these guys are forever on the lower edge of the table
with a solid chance that they might even end up on another table altogether
or all together
perhaps we should resign ourselves life at the mid-table
instead of this foolish dreaming of a sugardaddy's
that might, just might
life us up from the mid-table to where we rightly belong
no
life at the mid-table is alright
if only we could get these sporks out of our butts...

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

LATE BREAKING NON-NEWS!!!


we apologise for this break in transmission of bollocks
it is due to force majeur or some such crap
we hope to resume subnormal service as soon as we can be arsed...
we appreciate your patience, alternatively you can fuck right off...

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

goddam racists-CRANK!

Quiet slicing of the West Bank makes abstract prayers for peace obscene

Condemnation of 'illegal' settlements and violence only blurs the reality of what the Israeli state is sanctioning, day by day

Slavoj Zizek
The Guardian, Tuesday 18 August 2009

On 2 August 2009, after cordoning off part of the Arab neighborhood of Sheikh Jarrah in east Jerusalem, Israeli police evicted two Palestinian families (more than 50 people) from their homes; Jewish settlers immediately moved into the emptied houses. Although Israeli police cited a ruling by the country's supreme court, the evicted Arab families had been living there for more than 50 years. The event – which, rather exceptionally, did attract the attention of the world media – is part of a much larger and mostly ignored ongoing process.

Five months earlier, on 1 March, it had been reported that the Israeli government had drafted plans to build more than 70,000 new homes in Jewish settlements in the occupied West Bank; if implemented, the plans could increase the number of settlers in the Palestinian territories by about 300,000 Such a move would not only severely undermine the chances of a viable Palestinian state, but also hamper the everyday life of Palestinians.

A government spokesman dismissed the report, arguing that the plans were of limited relevance – the construction of homes in the settlements required the approval of the defence minister and the prime minister. However, 15,000 have already been fully approved, and 20,000 of the proposed housing units lie in settlements that Israel cannot expect to retain in any future peace deal with the Palestinians.

The conclusion is obvious: while paying lip-service to the two-state solution, Israel is busy creating a situation on the ground that will render such a solution impossible. The dream underlying Israel's plans is encapsulated by a wall that separates a settler's town from the Palestinian town on a nearby West Bank hill. The Israeli side of the wall is painted with the image of the countryside beyond the wall – but without the Palestinian town, depicting just nature, grass and trees. Is this not ethnic cleansing at its purest, imagining the outside beyond the wall as empty, virginal and waiting to be settled?

On the very day that reports of the government's 70,000-home plan emerged, Hillary Clinton criticised the rocket fire from Gaza as "cynical", claiming: "There is no doubt that any nation, including Israel, cannot stand idly by while its territory and people are subjected to rocket attacks." But should the Palestinians stand idly while the West Bank land is taken from them day by day?

When peace-loving Israeli liberals present their conflict with Palestinians in neutral, symmetrical terms – admitting that there are extremists on both sides who reject peace – one should ask a simple question: what goes on in the Middle East when nothing is happening there at the direct politico-military level (ie, when there are no tensions, attacks or negotiations)? What goes on is the slow work of taking the land from the Palestinians on the West Bank: the gradual strangling of the Palestinian economy, the parcelling up of their land, the building of new settlements, the pressure on Palestinian farmers to make them abandon their land (which goes from crop-burning and religious desecration to targeted killings) – all this supported by a Kafkaesque network of legal regulations.

Saree Makdisi, in Palestine Inside Out: An Everyday Occupation, describes how, although the Israeli occupation of the West Bank is ultimately enforced by the armed forces, it is an "occupation by bureaucracy": it works primarily through application forms, title deeds, residency papers and other permits. It is this micro-management of the daily life that does the job of securing slow but steady Israeli expansion: one has to ask for a permit in order to leave with one's family, to farm one's own land, to dig a well, or to go to work, to school, or to hospital. One by one, Palestinians born in Jerusalem are thus stripped of the right to live there, prevented from earning a living, denied housing permits, etc.

Palestinians often use the problematic cliché of the Gaza strip as "the greatest concentration camp in the world". However, in the past year, this designation has come dangerously close to truth. This is the fundamental reality that makes all abstract "prayers for peace" obscene and hypocritical. The state of Israel is clearly engaged in a slow, invisible process, ignored by the media; one day, the world will awake and discover that there is no more Palestinian West Bank, that the land is Palestinian-frei, and that we must accept the fact. The map of the Palestinian West Bank already looks like a fragmented archipelago.

In the last months of 2008, when the attacks of illegal West Bank settlers on Palestinian farmers became a regular daily occurrence, the state of Israel tried to contain these excesses (the supreme court ordered the evacuation of some settlements) but, as many observers have noted, such measures are half-hearted, countered by the long-term politics of Israel, which violates the international treaties it has signed. The response of the illegal settlers to the Israeli authorities is "We are doing the same thing as you, just more openly, so what right do you have to condemn us?" And the state's reply is basically "Bde patient, and don't rush too much. We are doing what you want, just in a more moderate and acceptable way."

The same story has been repeated since 1949: Israel accepts the peace conditions proposed by the international community, counting on the fact that the peace plan will not work. The illegal settlers sometimes sound like Brunhilde from the last act of Wagner's Walküre – reproaching Wotan and saying that, by counteracting his explicit order and protecting Siegmund, she was only realising Wotan's own true desire, which he was forced to renounce under external pressure. In the same way the settlers know they are realising their own state's true desire.

While condemning the violent excesses of "illegal" settlements, the state of Israel promotes new "legal" building on the West Bank, and continues to strangle the Palestinian economy. A look at the changing map of East Jerusalem, where the Palestinians are gradually encircled and their living area sliced, tells it all. The condemnation of anti-Palestinian violence not carried out by the state blurs the true problem of state violence; the condemnation of illegal settlements blurs the illegality of the legal ones.

Therein resides the two-facedness of the much-praised non-biased "honesty" of the Israeli supreme court: by occasionally passing judgment in favour of the dispossessed Palestinians, proclaiming their eviction illegal, it guarantees the legality of the remaining majority of cases.

Taking all this into account in no way implies sympathy for inexcusable terrorist acts. On the contrary, it provides the only ground from which one can condemn the terrorist attacks without hypocrisy.

Slavoj Zizek is international director of the Birkbeck Institute for the Humanities szizek@yahoo.com

Monday, August 17, 2009

worth the chafe




who thinks of this shit? are they available for a pint?

Saturday, August 15, 2009

dung!!! it's wedding bells (or crepes)

off to a wedding today
im going to be second best man
which is pretty cool, i think
I get to wear a suit
and a vest
so i'd best have a shave
pop a couple of respectable pills
and try to bash this shambles of a person into a fit state for public consumption
all the greats will be there
cousins, some partially removed, aunts, uncles, siblings, parents, goat people,friends and fiends
my dear cuz is getting all hitched
it's all pretty marvy
she's marrying a good bloke
and she's all very happy
and he's all very happy
which makes me at least partially very happy
or is that at least all partially happy?

Friday, August 14, 2009

some kind of bogan monstrosity

DVD-Metallica, Some Kind of Monster
duration-fucking ages
starring-loads of bogans
Synopsis; hugely popular bogan behemoth and masters of shoutiness have a documentary made about them trying to record an album and being cranky at each other... They have a counsellor follow them around everywhere, trying to make them get along long enough to make a new record and cash in yet again. He has taught them all fluent shrink speak and they express themselves with "I feel this/I respect your that" Hilarity ensues as the drummer, Lars von twatville shows himself to be an enormous tossface and is at loggerheads with lead shoutmeister James AllHetupfield, who is obviously fucked up (disappears off to detox clinic), but at least interesting. Other hispanic guitar dude radiates stupidity despite barely opening his mouth and new bass guy looks like an enormous teddy bear. Special guest is formation era guitarist who got kicked out of the band and now shares his suffering with hilarious consequences of "my twenty years of pain" earnest speeching.
Despite the over-shoutiness of the music and the annoying band members, the film is pretty damn funny.
4 lavatory flushes out of 5

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Vlad, a real man...

Russian Prime Minister, ex-president, former
KGB nasty and huge bunghole Vladimir Putin...
Showing off his big muscles by going topless when the media just happened to be around...

Riding a horse...














Going hunting...















and fishing...


















Because it's so bloody hot in Russia it was absolutely, utterly and irrefutably necessary for him to get his kit off....what next, topless checking your emails?
Gee Vlad, you are so hard!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Danger! Low Browser

apparently last week a bloke in godblessgunsamerica wents nuts in a gym
he went into a room with aerobics bouncing things going on
turned out the lights
pulled out his guns
and shot as many people as he could
then shot himself
this in itself is unremarkable
american shoots everybody
big deal!
american then shoots himself
big fucking deal!

but the interesting thing about this loser
is that apparently he kept a blog
and he had been writing about his plans to kill people online, in blog form,
for over a year!
but probably nobody saw it...
as ROOT! say
Joe Bloggs but nobody reads it
http://www.nypost.com/seven/08052009/news/nationalnews/full_text_of_gym_killers_blog_183111.htm
it makes one imagine how many boring bastards
are writing blogs on the internerd
which NOBODY reads!
ha!
also
could it be a worldwide trend?
after two years of spouting bollocks here
might I go mental and go out to a gym/library/pub and spout bollocks at innocent people?
perish the thought...

Friday, August 07, 2009

sod all this im off to mexico


where people are classy, like me...

Thursday, August 06, 2009

passa wind


theres a huge wind belting about today
the trees are waving around wildly
getting under eaves and testing roofs
the constant rustle of leaves
picking up little micios and sending them flying across the burbs
some wankers on brunswick street had their berets blown off
it would seem Lunchicles the greek god of wind is cranky

either that or beavis has been on the beans again...

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

sorry about that

sorry man
you dont look too good
sorry to see you bent double like that
all the crystaline light gushing out of you
sorry i cant do anything to help
it cant be much fun
sorry if there was something i should have done
your anguished expression is deafening
sorry i dont have karmic painkillers
you could never have seen it coming
sorry i ran out of foresight last week
are you sure theres no esoteric cure?
sorry to see you go out this way
i will tell your friends and family the story
sorry they cant be here
send me a postcard from the other side
sorry i cant pay C.O.D
your colours are all fusing
your lights are dimming
sorry it has to end this way
really sorry man

Sunday, August 02, 2009

40-odd ways to say...

coglione
casone
pirla
minchione
bischero
babbeo
baccala
bietolone
deficente
fesso
gonzo
grullo
mammalucco
merlo
oca
rimbambito
salame
scimunito
testone
tonto
zuccone
allocco
baggiano
balordo
beota
citrullo
cretino
idiota
imbecile
scemo
semplicione
stupido
duro
ebete
mentecatto
poco intelligente
sciocco
insensato
insulso
ottuso
stolido
stolto

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

oh how we laughed !

ha, ha
ha, ha

a bit like that...

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

un gobbo e nostra dama


ma che palle
dopo un paio di mesi
e' finita la storia dell'gobbo
e e' finita male
che fucking tristezza
mi ha lasciata un po giu
beh
il cattivo prete e' rimasto schiacchiato sul pavimento o la selcia
qualsiasi cosa che quello sia
la gran bella gnocchetta che abbiamo seguito da tanto tempo e' stato brutalmente impicchata
la mamma e' morta dopo aver sbattuta la testa sui sassi della piazza
dopo che si sono appena ritrovati dopo 15 anni !
il bell capitano si e sposato con la cugina che non amava
del guercio....
sembrarebbe che si e' messo a morire con la sua amata egiziana gia cadavere
in una caverna
il che e' molto poetico
pero...
l'unico che ha la fine quasi felice
era il poeta gringoire
sarebbe l'amarezza che e' rimasto nella boca?

Monday, July 27, 2009

a mounted goat

free beer
free beer
free beer
visited the mountain goat brewery on friday night
in downtown richmondia
it was super
if a bit chilly
through mysterious and extremely legitimate means
someone had a whole load of free beer passes
18
so we had to go and drink them all
there were loads of different types
each one groovier than the last
even special guest ones
there were tasty tasting trays
the bar staff ended up a bit sick of giving out free beers
but by that point it were too late
feed the goat and he will score...

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Monday, July 20, 2009

god told me to...

islamic society wasnt always backwards and moronic
it was for quite a while super advanced
even though it sprang from religious wank...
so there you have it
for several centuries while the europeans were fumbling around in the dark ages
the islamic culture was kicking goals all over the shoppe
they sorted out philosophy, science, medicine, maths and kulcha in general
absorbing wisdom from the greeks, the indians, the persians et al
and spreading it via the whole international trade thing
they were even....gasp
tolerant of other religions
science flourished
unlike in europe
where the church succesfully stomped all over it
until the rebirth
when all this kulcha which was kept alive by the islamic societies was put to good use
and the church kept stomping away
murderingly fighting against the weakening of its power
of course islamdom was all based on the usual horseshit
of some bloke talking to fairies in the desert etc
but despite that
lots of good stuff was achieved
meanwhile the christians of europe
decided they needed jerusalem coz the vatican told them it was holy or something
so they went there
had huge wars
and slaughtered local innocents mercilessly
fucking backwards moronic idiots...

Sunday, July 19, 2009

i bought a boat yesterday

nah, not really
it was a newspaper...

Friday, July 17, 2009

2009 re-make of thriller video

stolen from;
Steve Bell, The Guardian

'His dance moves are a bit wooden, but the costumes and make-up are VERY impressive...'

Thursday, July 16, 2009

things I probably should know and you probably don't

aphorism - a terse saying embodying a general truth, or astute observation, as “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely”
metaphor - a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance, as in “A mighty fortress is our God.”
analogy - a similarity between like features of two things, on which a comparison may be based: the analogy between the heart and a pump.
simile - a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly compared, as in “she is like a rose.”
truism - a self-evident, obvious truth.
platitude - a flat, dull, or trite remark, esp. one uttered as if it were fresh or profound.
allegory - The representation of abstract ideas or principles by characters, figures, or events in narrative, dramatic, or pictorial form
paradigm - A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them, especially in an intellectual discipline
apothegm - a short, pithy, instructive saying; a terse remark or aphorism.
axiom - A self-evident or universally recognized truth; a maxim
cliche - a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse,
parable - a short allegorical story designed to illustrate or teach some truth, religious principle, or moral lesson.
maxim-A succinct formulation of a fundamental principle, general truth, or rule of conduct.
dictum - an authoritative pronouncement; judicial assertion.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Who's back?

(Speaking)
He went away and didnt hang around
didnt bother me every night
And when he wouldn't go out,
out to play came the birds and mice...

Micio's back and theres shouting in the makin'
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
When you see him coming, you better get some bacon
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
He's been midnight maaooing at other windows
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
So look out now, 'cause he's a comin' to the fro's
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)

Hey he knows what you've been munchin'
And he knows that you've been lunchin'

He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
Now he's back and things will be noisy
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
You're gonna be sorry you got some new speakers
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
'Cause he's kind of big and he's gonna scratch the tweeters
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)

Hey, you know he aint been here eatin'
Now, you'd better get some meat in

What made you think he'd got pig flu?
(Wah ooh, Wah ooh)
He's a big maoo now, but he'll scratch crap outta you
(Wah ooh)
Wait and see!

micio's back and he's dozing on the couch
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
If you sit on him, you gonna scream OUCH!
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)

Hey I can hear him at the back door
Now he's stretching on the kitchen floor

(Wah ooh, wah ooh)
Wait and see!

micio's back he's gonna be out fighting
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
Yeah micio's back
Well he's back now
Well I can hear him maoooin'
he wants be allowed in right now
micio's back!

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

sono quarant'anni che ti volevo dire...




forza piero!
manda li affanculo!
yeah baby!

Monday, July 13, 2009

at fucking last...


Mark Webber wins a grand prix...

Saturday, July 11, 2009

broomhand

yeah yeah
I'm the broomhand man
im gonna broom you handless
im the major broomhandman
i can broom
and broom
and broom
your dreams away
im the best broom
by far
broomhandlandia is where i live
broomhand,
feel the rhythm with my hand
it was only 7 years ago
your broomhand finally broke
and im at it again
watch me go
broooooooooooooom .............
broooooooooooooooooooooooooom..............
broooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom..................
B R O O M H A N D ! ! !

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

the mentalists and the mean height increase in japan since world war two


at the esplanade
(not) at the reevesdale
(not) at the petersham
PUB!

before time a classy couple showed with bags of fresh lettuce wine
the usually shouting and ranting ensued
off then to the sbfplanade
to find all sorts
brown haired not particularly interesting sorts
the man from the white cliffs
and some more
pissed pizza was alright
but not as good as the mentalists
who were fab
they did their thing
they played all the grates
super music for jumping around
so we jumped around
there was plenty of this
a bit of that
and a modicum of the other
nobody had a sad face
the spirits never were every present
the lady was rather strong
some set off to paradise
the song about the vegetarian pizzeria
some music of the rock and some of the roll
just enough times
a short stint at the mans coalface
just like treveo and julio
people whom left together
and i meant it all along
a lashing of concrete
a bashing of clay
and that song about the changing diets of japan in the second half of the 20th century and its affect on mean national height...

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

erik looooooooooooves animal collective


Animal Collective
is that erik swooning behind a tree?


oh he is such a huuuuuuuuuge fan
you cant stop him banging on about animal collective
they can do no wrong
according to erik
he came all the way to osstraya to see them
despite the fact that they arent even from osstraya
now thats dedication by erik
even now you can spy him walking around the centro storico of genoa
humming some whacky electronic tune
that no doubt originates from animal collective
he's a real fan boy
got all the t shirts, hats and underpants
all the different versions of each release
mp3, flac, vinyl, cd, cassette and anal probe
sometimes you just cant shut the bastard up
his fave aspect of the band
is undoubtedly their live performance
he saw them once in melborn, osstraya
all his friends got in for free
but not erik
he paid for his ticket as a matter of principal
in fact he wanted to pay double
he was enamoured with their ever-so crazeeeey outfits
there he stood right up the front
practically draped himself over the stage
and was dazzledly enraptured by the bands live performance
he tried to go backstage to offer his up culo
but they werent that way inclined
he offered to carry the heavy equipment
but they werent that way inclined either
it took him 3 weeks to truly recover himself afterwards
he seemed perpetually in a daze
lost in a dream world where he was with his 'superbest friends' - the animal collective
he threw out/deleted the rest of his music collection
and would only talk in the bands lyrics

he claims he's over it now
but after a few dozen too many grappas
you might just catch him in a reverie
about his first, one and only true love
animal collective

Monday, July 06, 2009

bustamante you fascist bastard

Corporal Stronzo Bustamente shot and killed film maker Leonardo Henrichsen, while Henrichsen filmed him! Henrichsen was filming the the street chaos in Santiago before the putsch that brought another complete bastard Pinochet to power in Chile... Rot in infierno Bustamente!

n.b Bustamente is NOT a relative of Busta Rhymes

Friday, July 03, 2009

Of course you are

I doubt anyone out there is likely to read this
That's what I like about it!
Nice to meet you (singular)
Bye now!
Hooray :@) - that's pig flu

Thursday, July 02, 2009

beavis is getting quite proficient at french

here he comes now...


Wednesday, July 01, 2009

now improved blog!!! (nb like hell)

the team at limebeaver enterprises nasty big multinational conglomerate inc staff have just got back
they were off on a team building trip
doing trust exercises involving not clubbing one another with spiked clubs
brainstorming about how to climb a rope made out of celery
playing paintball with rubber bullets
throwing the thought medicine ball at each others privates
and doing personality tests that showed they were all maladjusted phoenician oedipists

the retreat was held in the galapagos islands
its was planned to be in the comorros islands
but some yemeni bungholes crashed their plane all over it
it started with the now traditional opening ceremony
of playing sardines in the cupboard
and ended with a re-enactment of lord of the flies
it was supposed to be lord of the rings
but the rabid staff insisted on the flies

we learned a lot of good things
that we hope to implement in the forseeable future
to bring you a blog that is
bigger
happier
rosier
insightfuller
verbosier
entertaininger
etceterer

so sit back and marvel at the hairy new blog from the not-so-good folk at limebeaverlandia
or go to the lavatory
its your choice...

Sunday, June 28, 2009

luttle fush

Luttle fush, luttle fush, let me come un!"
"Not by the hair un my chunny-chun-chun!"
"Thin I'll hff, nd I'll pff, and I'll blow your house un!"

and something about drugs, guns, stumps, swimming and racist videos

Friday, June 26, 2009

odds on it'll be michael jackson



well that turned out all wrong didnt it?
he didn't end up little and green
oh.. hang on....
maybe in a couple of weeks...

Thursday, June 25, 2009

what's all this shouting?

without that kind of dramatic conclusion
torres does well
picked up again by riera
howard has had an impressive night
has looked absolutely solid
donovan holds him off
now spector
here it is, belatedly
anxious looks
didnt have any kind of control on that
they are a delight to watch
so aware of whats going on
he has caught the eyes of many tonight
looks to be the coolest man in the house tonight
with a flashing effort
he has shown signs
charlie davis
has to hold himself
its an age
something to cling onto here
just sold a little short
villa on the stretch
howard and then the post
there was always going to be one winner
trying to take it closer
look at clarke here
all ends up
a signal for the change
frustrated for such a long time
to change it around
plays these days in denmark
dempsey will push up
his pair of legs
sitting down again and wondering
skipping inside
swarm back inside
another breath of frustration
they cant keep it out
and they might just have done so
we have a major, major upset on our hands now
who would have thought it
he wont dally here
certainly a collision
thats a scoreline nobody expected
desperate measures now
buzzing it past donovan
confirmation of the change
its dangerous territory
they were celebrating as if it were job done
it will only take a moment of genius
theres more than enough time
hes had an excellent night tonight
its backs to the walls now
steered, measured in
for all the frustration
inevitably right behind it
but not now
thats a sign of how desperate things are
the teenager has done his job tonight
not for long
xavi thought there was someone behind him, but there wasnt
he's more or less run out tonight
its very nearly a miracle required here
so the drama remains enthralling
puyol was in there
too many white shirts in his way
what a night, what a story
as its launched their way again
this is torres teasing them
because hes done so much running
hes the man who comes on to help shore up what has been a heroic defence
piquet in the book
not that it matters now
were supposed to be here as the easy-beats
but the script has been torn up and rewritten in the most dramatic of fashions
del bosque knows
nothing now he can do
nothing now his side can do
just a few more seconds tick by
was the man that did the damage
its a lost cause and he knows it
there isnt time now, there isnt time now
that surely is that
del bosque looks on forlornly
what a night
what a victory
and thats it...

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

easily...

















... distracted

Sunday, June 21, 2009

posh idiocy exponent extraordinaire

Did I say that?

Prince Philip, the Queen's consort, 88

stolen from The Obvserver Sunday 21 June 2009

On age

We shall all be old one day - provided, of course, we can avoid being slaughtered on the roads or beaten up by some hooligan in a peace demonstration (1970)

To a blind woman with a guide dog

Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now? (2002)

To his wife after her coronation

Where did you get that hat? (1953)

On turning 80

I'm not sure I recommend it. It's not so much the age, but trying to survive the celebrations (2001)

Arriving to open a youth centre in Brighton

Who are you burying today? (2007)

Meeting Nigeria's president, who was in robes

You look like you are ready for bed (1956)

To Russell Brand, about the woman next to him in a royal variety show line-up

She's got all the right stuff in all the right places (2007)

On Number 10's idea for Diana's funeral

F*** off - we are talking about two boys who have lost their mother (1997)

Told by Elton John of his gold Aston Martin

Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car - we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle (2001)

To president Kenyatta during Kenya's independence, as the Union Jack was lowered

Are you sure you want to go ahead with this, old chap? (1963)

On death

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, to contribute something to solving overpopulation (1988)

To the General Dental Council

Dentopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. I have been practising it for years (1960)

To Cherie Blair, on hearing that London had won the 2012 Olympic bid

I'm so old I won't be here (2005)

Told by president Obama of meetings already that day with the Chinese, Russians, Brown and Cameron

Can you tell the difference between them? (2009)

To a fashion writer at a world wildlife fund gathering

You're not wearing mink knickers, are you? (1993)


and a complete muppet....

Friday, June 19, 2009

Thursday, June 18, 2009

sod bonnie doon, I'm going to Yoshiwara


I am upping sticks and moving to yoshiwara
before it sells out
when it was still classy
so early to mid 17th century should do it
i will kick the arse of all those lazy under-employed samurai
those syphilis ridden lounge abouts
who scrimp and save for 6 months for the briefest visit
i shall move beyond the moat
to the floating dreamworld
the land of ukyo
living only for the moment
but not only fleeting melancholic delights for me
I'm getting a fab 4 storey pad
and never coming back...

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

and now another world from our sponsor:

bathetic;
–adjective
displaying or characterized by bathos: the bathetic emotionalism of soap operas.
bathos;
1.a ludicrous descent from the exalted or lofty to the commonplace; anticlimax.
2.insincere pathos; sentimentality; mawkishness.
3.triteness or triviality in style.

so don't go getting it mixed up with pathetic or pathos or you will look like a broper bathetic brick

Monday, June 15, 2009

positive blog

browsing recentish blog posts
it does seem that there is a quite a bit of ...
como se dice...? negatividad
boh
so just to mix it up a bit
here is a positive blog
no swearing
no sarcasm
no cynicism
no complaining
no slagging off anybody
no picking on any religious groups, nationalities etc
or even stupid people
yep
everything is lovely
really first rate
wizard, in fact
the sun is shining (nb. not necessarily a true representation of actual circumstance)
the grass is umm greening
the flowers are blooming (not a swearword)
there are little fluffy clouds
fluffing about and being picturesque
the sun is gently caressing my face
the warmth feeds a sense of bienestar and vitality
there are little fluffy wuffy bunny wunnies
being every so darling
some ickle kittens are play fighting
rolling around on aforementioned green grass
being simply adorable
the hedges are ingeniously shaped to look like prancing ponies
the hills are rolling away towards the horizon
a lake laps gently on the sloped hillock
from somewhere the sounds of childrens laughter rises and floats past
all is right with the world
_____________________________________________________________________
oh dear, my throat is ticklish...
must fight it
must not clear throat
thus seemingly undermine all above good work...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

aeon flux-the worst film ever?

complete shite
only redeeming feature.. happily they bang on about trevor
rating ; 0.2/5
fucking eejiot

Thursday, June 11, 2009

Berlusconi V Gadaffi ;Biggest fucking idiot contest


"Hey, look over there Momo! they are voting on which one of us is the biggest fucking idiot!"
"You really are an enormous fucking idiot Berluschifo, but with my new Michael Jackson get-up I might just win it"

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

poor but happy (my arse)

you know the drill...
your grandparents used to say
'we were poor, but we were happy'
which is great
for them
but

FUNK DAT!

I for one am poor and fucking well sick of it..

Tuesday, June 09, 2009

'Mongol' 2007, reviewd.

An epic tale of the rise of young Temudjin who becomes Genghis Khan and his colossal struggles with the mighty Chinese empire. The Chinese built hundreds of miles of 'city' walls and invented many new modes of warfare in a vain attempt to keep the mongols out. With stunning scenery, mighty battle scenes and superb acting the film 'Mongol' is a true classic of its time.
Lavatorytastic rating; 3 flushes out of 5

An excerpt from 'Mongol', showing one Chinese man's desperate struggle against the marauding mongols:

Monday, June 08, 2009

O' Ohhhhhh

today's vaguely interesting fact accidentally absorbed in passing in near earth orbit;
the O in all those funky Irish surnames such as O'Reilly, O'Grady, O'Malley, O'Forfuckssakey...etc
is the anglicized bastard form of 'au', which is gaelic for 'grandson of'...

so put that on your blarney stone and snog it.

Sunday, June 07, 2009

things that suck #1320

films in which people speak in a language other than their own
usually bloody english
dubbing is a crime against culture
but what is most likely worse
is when actors in a film speak in english
despite the fact that they are in holland, talking to fellow dutch for example
and why is this done?
because anglo ignoramus fuckwits
primarily meaning AMERICANS
are too fucking stupid or lazy to read subtitles
it is one thing to suspend your disbelief
BUT
dont fucking ask me to believe that italian policemen talk to each other
IN FUCKING ENGLISH
as in the second hannibal lecter film
or more recently
aka today
dont fucking expect me to believe that che guevera chatted with fidel castro
and fellow revolutionaries in Mexico and Cuba
IN FUCKING ENGLISH!

fucking fucked fuckheads!

Monday, June 01, 2009

tom cruise and scientology = fucked



and to think that people fall for this shit.... fucking muppets
AND those evil manipulative fuckers tried to get this taken off the net, now they arent allowed to touch wikipedia!

Saturday, May 30, 2009

a book about po

i got a book about po
it was very kindly given to me by two people
they tore it in half
then gave their bits separately
i prefer one of the bits
but i cant say so here because of the massive readership
it talks about all kinds of po
except the river
or the 'bit''
its by Stephen Fry
the man is a fucking legend
everything he touches turns to... well... tungsten
Solid!
I have read several of his novels
watched him blackadder, a bit of etc, jeeves etc and
read his missives in the guardian
loved him mincing about as wilde, oscar, not wilbur
so beware foolish reader
you may find yourself
.....
being battered around the frontal lobes with po
the kind of po that the geneva convention couldnt ban
because it was indefinably bad
and maybe
just maybe
a splash of everybodies fave type of po
saphic!

Friday, May 29, 2009

nasal name change

I've decided to call my nose Gary... coz its so full of crap

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

swine o' the times


this little piggy went to el mercado
this little piggy stayed home and rolled about in his own excrement
this little piggy had swine flu
this little piggy gave it to a nun
and this little piggy went achoo acchoo acchooo sending killer bacteria all the way across the globe, wiping out humankind...

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

how about those blokes from the jayhawks?

no really... any ideas on that? coz ive got fucking none!

i was looking forward to saturday night
going to an excellent gig
to see the two main dudes from the jayhawks
who are pretty damn good
despite me knowing bugger all about them until a couple of weeks back
i got their stuff
and did lots of practice
and late in the day i even refined the practice to the stuff with those 2 dudes specifically
coz one of them did a peter koppes
i was really getting into it
looking forward
not backward
to seeing an old friend
who lived over the waaaater
that i hadnt seen for 'nyears
since his weddage
all was going to plan
we left a bit late but not too bad
got there, ordered some food and beers
the beers came
the food didnt
got some more beers
the food didnt come
got some more beers
had a bit of a happy rant
they were busy
then got a message from distant friend that he couldnt make it
he got shafted by shit airline jetstar
and spent over 200 big ones for nowt
my already waning enthusiasm and hope waned just a bit more to the left
the food came
too late to save my wobble
and too late to see the first 30 mins of the gig
it was bloody hot in there
and i just didnt feel like standing up in a sauna
at the back of the sauna at that
so after perhaps 3 songs
i left and got a crab home
not really what i had in mind when i set out...

Monday, May 25, 2009

Wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man



try saying this when you are pissed!

Friday, May 22, 2009

whats wrong with brunswick street...

is full to the RIM with....


I and some very respectable people tried to eat at the vegie bar the other night... big fucking mistake.
Not only is it a magnet for a lot of pretentious wannabe twats but the food aint all that great and the service is shite. Each of those things is bearable, but the smug fucker who claimed to 'serve' us was one of the most objectionable tossers to walk the crusty bit of this big blue and green thing.
At least I had the pleasure of telling them how completely fucked and pathetic they are...
fucking arseholes!
at now the real damage will be done via the tide of vegetarian readers of this highly influential blog who shall scorn said establishment, even from other time zones and continents..
VAAAAAAAAAAFFFFFFFUUUUNNNNCCCCUUUUUULLLLLOOOOOOOOOO!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Thailand demonstrates another reason NOT to go there..

Further horseshit from the thai government, it follows the arrest and incarceration for 3 weeks of British national Simon Burrowes earlier this year after he had spoken "rudely" with an Immigration officer at Phuket International Airport. Or the Australian 'author' who wrote something vaguely referring to the royal family in a book that sold four copies and was facing years in prison...

PHUKET: A Melbourne mother of four is facing five years in a Thai jail after allegedly "stealing" a bar mat ['coaster'] from a Phuket pub.
The report says 36-year-old Annice Smoel was arrested by undercover police as she left the Aussie Bar in Patong on May 3. She says friends had put the bar mat in her handbag as a prank, but the undercover police working in the bar found the mat and arrested her. She spent two nights in a four-metre-by-four-metre jail cell.
"I had only just picked it up … had a quick look inside and saw there was something [I didn't recognize] in it," she said. "I was nowhere near the handbag – one of the girls involved went down to the police and confessed and apologised, and they told her to go away."
Ms Smoel, who was in the country to celebrate her mother's 60th birthday, has been stranded in Thailand for the past 17 days after police confiscated her passport. She said she was hanging in there, but wanted to get home as soon as possible to see her four children, aged six, eight, 11 and 12.
If she is found guilty, Ms Smoel faces between two and five years in jail, the AAP report says.
Ms Smoel is now stranded in Phuket as the police have seized her passport pending adjudication of the case. It is understood that her husband has returned to Melbourne to look after the couple's children.

She was hanging out in an Australian theme pub so she is a dirty bogan, but still.... bungholes

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

mind the crap


man i thought that was funny
that voice banging on
at many stations on the london underground
sometimes a big blokes deep voice
sometimes a lady sounding very serious
sometimes it was bert newton (not really0
repeating over and over again
mind the gap
mind the gap
i larfed
then i larfed some more
then i didnt notice it much any more
until i was passing through
again
or possibly again
then one day i saw t shirts
with 'mind the gap' on them
being sold to dipshit australian bogans
and worn by them
life is complicated innit?