Portfolio eye view of the world - M Part 2

M Part 2
Malta
Its the home of all things hairy. Camel for one and my Maltese-in-law Steve. A little island in between sicily and africa, which is a very strategic location and great, except that everybody else including hitler every other bungsnap who wants to control the mediteranean thinks so too. There are really, really old ruins there, like a whole village of stonehenges and it was also home to the templar nights who had secret handshakes and kept jesus's butt crack on ice.
travel advice-do go around ragging on rocks, they like them there.

Marshall Islands
Not to be confused with the malcolm marshall islands or marshall mathews the 19th islands, or the mr marshallsea islands for that matter. Now all that is cleared up I cant tell you a fecking thing about the marshall islands as i dont know a fecking thing. I know they are islands and they are in the in the pacific and they probably got invaded by godbless america during world war 2 because they know better.
travel advice-take your arm floaties with you and fill them with sausage meat, so the sharks can smell you from a distance

Mauritania
Central north western sub saharan africa, its probably hot and sandy, i think they speak french and they probably have very little money. Err, that'll be that then. I expect loads of hate mail from my many mauritanian readers, so instead of carrying on about my ignorance why not send me a history of mauritania to make my life easier you bastards!?! I dont see you guys writing blogs about australia now, do i?!
travel advice-take a map, a compass and a camel and an OWWWLLLL

Mauritius
Its french, no it isnt, its british, no it isnt... its mauritius! In the indian ocean and just off the coast of madagascar. Lots of people go there for beach holidays and to eat fab seafood, which sounds like a damn good idea to me. Somebody i forgot went there for their honeymoon, it may have been emiliana and her bloke, and he didnt eat seafood, what a buttock! I do know they have an airline which offers good deals and i dig the loacation, so 13 earwigs on the wall rating.
travel advice- eat the bloody seafood for fucks sake!

Mexico
Yay for mexico! Its in north america although lots of ignorant buttocks think its in south america because they speak a 'funny' language. Its a big long country, the fact which i learned after planning to drive from top to bottom then seeing a proper map, you muppet! They do speak ththththh, but thats not their fault. Lots of people are trying to break into godblessamerica from mexico, which is an understandable pity, but mexico is a much, much cooler country, they just dont have any money! Beavis and I invaded mexico in alfonse and drove around like muppets not being able to ththth at anybody. Still we did get high and watch the big lebowski and see the barranca del cobre, the copper canyons. Apart from this there is all that fab aztec and mayan stuff which is simply blinding.
travel advice-blame the bloody spanish for killing off the locals, they were right bastards as they were everywhere else they went.

Micronesia
No, its not Polynesia or Melanesia or Nadonesia so at least we have established that. It's name suggests that as far as nesias go, its probably a bit on the small side. Like its fellow nesias, its in the pacific and consists of islands.
travel advice-ask them how to get to macronesia.. im sure thatd be a fab joke (unless there really is one and they are sworn enemies of micronesia, in which case they might kick your arse with an iron boot)