Disclaimer; absolutely no research has been undertaken in the creation of this guide, any offence taken is gleefullly caused, so vaffanculo.
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Afghanistan
Situated in central Asia and like many (if not all) stans, under the yoke of old beard wearing wankers. Big mountains and big wars, just finished being blown up by the russians, then began being blown up by the americans. Backwards and cold and that's just the soup. With neighbours like iran and pakistan, what bloody hope?
Travel advice - dont bother taking your kalashnikov, you can pick one up at a bargain price on any street corner.
Albania
A cesspool of criminals just bred for special exportation to your nearest western european country. need a child prostitute/somebody stabbed? you know who to call. In the midst of the most civilized continent of the planet blood feuds are still carried out over generations, also the only islamic country in town-coincidence?
travel advice - stay in italy/greece/macedonia and use a spy drone to take photos for you.
Algeria
Former north african french colony famous for mass killings in the name of islam- see a pattern here? Next to such other enlightened maghrebi as tunisia and marocco, Algeria manages to make them look rational. Home to desert and breeding ground for terrorists.
travel advice - are you fucking joking?
Andorra
Ridiculously small country in the pyrenees wedged between France and Spain, unfortunately they chose to speak spanish. Not sure how this is a country, but i am easily mystified. Cym went there to snowboard a lot and loved it and some bearded bloke from tasmania did too. probably have nice coffee or something.thththth alert.
travel advice - take a warm jacket
Angola
South west african country which had the misfortune to be colonised by portugal. As per usual they stripped the place of its assets, enslaved the population brutally then fucked off when it got tricky. I once worked with a girl from Angola, in Salisbury of all places, she seemed nice enough though she needed some pimple cream.
travel advice - go to namibia instead
Antigua and Barbados
are apparently one country. An island or few in the caribbean populated by the descendents of african slaves. Probably rather poor but beautiful beaches and they play cricket too. I saw it on telly once.
travel advice - dont have a longest schlong competition against the locals
Argentina
Big country on the atlantic side of southern South America. from iguazu falls in the north to cape wotsit at the bottom. home to patagonia, tierra del fuego, the andes and insane football fans. Lots of italians and the occasional welshman. Capital Buenos Aires (good airs) contains 103% of national population. famous people include che guevara, eva peron and lots of hidden nazis.
travel advice-if you are a vegetarian, stay home; its meat or meat for every meal
Armenia
Armenia is a teency weency country to the west of turkey and a former part of the USSR, previously a part of the ottoman empire until the GENOCIDE of the armenians by the turks around the time of world war 1. The turks still deny this. which is a fucking disgrace.
travel advice-go to the genocide museum then go over to turkey and tell them all about it.
Australia
Australia; the lucky cuntry. correct pronunciation; osstraya. a large island, small continent. big modern cities and vast open spaces where the history is. Groovy funny animals and delicious countryside. But then again, what would i know? australians of note; the bloke who invented the hills hoist.
travel advice-stop getting drunk all the time
Austria
small landlocked country in truly central europe and former capital of the habsburg empire. fantastic mountains and green grun valleys. Also famous for hitler and post nazis. Capital Vienna is perhaps the most beautiful city on earth, effortless class also one of the the most expensive. Trains run on time and there is lots of blonde hair being all germanic.
travel advice-I dare you to go to salzburg and drink a pint of beer every time the sound of music is mentioned.
Azerbaijan
Central or western asian country quite in the central or western part of asia. Inhabited by people from the central or western asian region. Once a part of the ussr and most likely near the caspian sea and a whole bunch of stans.
travel advice-there are probably buses there, so you dont need to put a car in your luggage, probably
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