all the greats...

Mr. Jolly: Listen, just because my surname is Jolly doesn't mean I am jolly all the fucking time!

Mr. Jolly: And no-one knows you're here?

Nicholas Parsons: Excuse me? Can I use your phone?
Mr. Jolly: Fuck off!
Nicholas Parsons: I'm Nicholas Parsons, can I...
Mr. Jolly: Fuck off!
Nicholas Parsons: I'm...
Mr. Jolly: I heard you the first time, I don't care if you're Bob fucking Monkhouse. Fuck off. Do I need to spell it out for you? F-U-C...

Dreamytime Escort: Let's play a game. I go out of the room... and then... I come back in. Have you got that? Right. I'll go first.

Dreamytime Escort, Dreamytime Escort: Escorts, bescorts - Come in if you're saucy!
Dreamytime Escort: Nicholas bloody Parsons!
Dreamytime Escort: Morning, Ralph, how's the cuddly-toy business?
Mr. Jolly: Who the fuck are you?
[pause, then quickly]
Mr. Jolly: Oh, right. It's lovely thanks.

Dreamytime Escort: Well, that's Fattie's money out of the window.
Dreamytime Escort: And Fattie.
Dreamytime Escort: Well, it was his own fault. When drunk you should never play "who
can jump out of the window the best."
Dreamytime Escort: Especially on the 18th floor.

Dreamytime Escort: Look, all I'm saying is you can't have an advert in the Times that says, "What are you doing this weekend, fancy getting drunk?" You have to put the telephone number!
Dreamytime Escort: But we know the telephone number!

Dreamytime Escort: We've got a booking! A Mr Yakimoto
Dreamytime Escort: Oh great, another French bastard.

Dreamytime Escort: What could be better than living above an off-license?
Dreamytime Escort: Living in one?
Dreamytime Escort: You're right. We need to become much more friendly with Heimi Henderson

Dreamytime Escort: It's not fair. I mean, what's Mr Jolly got that we haven't got?
Dreamytime Escort: Our Fairy Liquid.

Dreamytime Escort: One thousand, five hundred and seventy four gin and tonics please Monica.
Dreamytime Escort: LARGE ones.

Policeman: Are you drunk, sir?
Dreamytime Escort: Of course I am, I'm out of my bloody mind, I've just spent three thousand quid in there.

Dreamytime Escort: So, Nicholas. I suppose you spend most of your time opening supermarkets and heliports, these days.
Nicholas Parsons: Well, yes. You... You know how it is. As a matter of fact tomorrow I am opening an off-license.
Dreamytime Escort: [both Dreamytime Escorts stare at Nicholas] You're opening an off-license?
Nicholas Parsons: yes, an off-license.
Dreamytime Escort: GOD! Imagine being so important you can open an off-license!
Dreamytime Escort: And we're with him right now, aren't we Nicky baby?

Dreamytime Escort: Yes yes yes, it's a fantastic house, Nicholas. Now. Have you got any dirty films?
Nicholas Parsons: No!
Dreamytime Escort: You BASTARD!