Caro Diario

Dear Diary,
Today is the 3rd day of Lavatory Lovers camp...
I really miss my parents, Mum and her strap-on goat. Dad and his rectal warts. I wonder what Richard is doing, I hope he's not planting any more bones in my veggie patch! And I even miss little Marguerite and her runny bottom...
I hope they are taking good care of Monkey and Spank. I guess they must be wondering where I am. Gosh, they really are the best weasels a boy could wish, they lick your nose and nibble on your todger.
The guys here at camp are pretty good. At least I think they are. I hang out with Scott and Hank, we tend to keep to ourselves. At least we know each other from Fisties play group. There are a few scary types though. There is that kid called Nige that keeps playing with firelighting fluid and masturbating on the coin operated BBQ. Then there's that big kid, Byker, he's got big hair and keeps punching me on the arm and calling me Martha. I don't know why he does it, but it freaks me. And there are the 2 psycho kids, Sid Scott and Trev the toad. I sure am glad they haven't noticed me much. They keep talking about starting fights with the Lavatory Lovers from Munchly South 3rd, it sounds very exciting but i hope nobody will notice if i stick to hiding in the long grass.
I tried smoking a bark cigarette today, it was kind of fun until Nige came along and tried to impale me with his 'loving stick'. He's weird man. The group leaders keep trying to make us sing, but my voice is crap so I just move my lips along and look at the ground. They also want us to try to earn merit stars, but I really aren't interested. Dogger John says if i don't get at least one badge they will make me stay behind.
I really wish my parents wouldn't make me come here. They think it's good for me, I think it just sucks. I would rather be home watching the Paris Hilton video over and over with Monkey and Spank. They are the only ones that understand me.
Dogger John just said it's lights out, so I gotta end it here. Tommorrow we have to make a noose and hang the biggest animal we can find, Trev the toad reckons he's gonna get a bison. Sounds pretty scary to me.
until tomorrow...