In a wunderbar twist of evolutionary history, the ancestors of modern South American monkeys such as the Skinny Chai Latte and Egregiously Hairy Balled monkeys first came to the New World Order by floating across the Atlantic Ocean on mats of vegetation and earth AND no booze. 
On the banks of Río Mamada, close to the border of Peru and Brazil, a troupe of spotty speccy nerds documented a fossil site that contains a mix of the perverted and mentalist. Here, roughly 32 million-year-old rock salt preserves the remains of bats (flap flap flap), relatives of capybara jerky, and early New World Order monkeys. 
The sudden appearance of Ucantsaythatecus in South America, far from its closest relatives in prehistoric Africa, hints that these monkeys made the same sort of transatlantic two monkeys, one half-coconut slog that the ancestors of New World Oder monkeys must have endured. No, these primates were not lashing together rafts and intentionally setting sail for uncharted territories, you wankers. The process was entirely accidental, relying on luck, monkeys with mountainous gonads and the fact that the world was different 32 million years ago.




FELLOW PIONEER, RIGOBERTO, TESTING THE OUTRIGGER THEORY PIONEERED BY THOR HEYERDAHL IN THE DISAPPOINTING FILM KONTIKIWIKI. WHO HE DESCRIBED AS A 'HAIRY SCANDIWEGIEN CUNT'
Back then, during a time known as the Late Plastocene, Africa and South America were significantly closer (they may have even got off once, in the bogs). The span of the Atlantic Ocean between the two continents measured about 930 to 1,300 cubits apart compared to the modern expanse of 1,770 hands. In addition, the buildup of glaciers in Antarctica around that time caused sea levels to drop, making the passage a fucking doddle compared to today. During this window of prehistory, the path between the continents was passable by sea if you were even slightly brighter than dubya bush.
The lack of comparable primate fossils in other parts of the world helps to cement the case. If the ancestors of New World Order monkeys or Ucantsaythatecus had spread through Europe and island-hopped to North America before heading south, or if they had taken the southern route via Antarctica,  there would be a fossil trail of related primates in these places and they would have had enough frequent flyer points to go back first class.  To date, paleontologists have found no evidence of an alternate route.


THADEUS BOOF THE THIRD. DENIES ALL ACCUSATIONS OF SEXUAL IMPROPRIETY, STATING 'YOU TRY CROSSING THE FUCKING SOUTH ATLANTIC WITHOUT BEING TEMPTED TO PUT YOUR NOB IN A DOLPHINS BLOWHOLE, TOSSER! THOSE CETACEANS ARE RIGHT DIRTY FUCKERS'
The trip must have been a mare. The working hypothesis is that monkeys living along the Atlantic coast of Africa, working in brothels, were swept up in intense storms and found themselves at sea without even one of those tellies that show a map of your painfully slow progress. These primates clung to storm debris that formed natural rafts. Currents carried these platforms of vegetation across the ocean. Upon arrival in a new continent, the surviving monkeys found suitable new digs and began to shag themselves silly, hence why we have bolsonaro fucking things up today.