festering season

tis the season to be a festy
tra la la la la etcetera
its the festering season in many parts of the world
countries that had the misfortune to get brainwashed by the jesus freaks
which
as it turns out is a fair chunk of this elliptical sphere
coz those dastardly you-row-peaens spent a half millenium conquering the show
and carrying their bible bollocks with them
to 'civilize' the 'savages'
the spanish and portugese in particular
loved making the locals pray to their bearded sky dude
funny (peculiar) to think
haw haw
that before this whole scam came along
only 2000 years ago
in a history of at least 60000
the pagans in europe already had celebrations in chrimbo and easter periods
to their own equally valid and equally daft gods of earth and rain etc
then the bloody christ-o-maniacs decided to co-opt those periods
and da dah!
they became the current horseshit
and fittingly
in the last century of so the christ on a bike festival has been co-opted in turn
by the new religion
CONSUMPTION!!!

infidel pig and scum!

fooking by the book?

ACHTUNG! serously warped minds at play...






Gwyn sullied my pure driven etc by sharing this with me

stagger, stagger, stagger, crawl, crawl...

at last we have arrived
dragging ourselves by our collective lips
to the bicentennial blog of 2009
just in the neek of time
as its sort of the end of the decade
but not really
tho we shant let facts get in the way
it didnt look like it was going to happen
there were some pretty large spaces of dead calm
invoked some serious cases of cantpossiblybearsed
but the world is now a richer place
figuratively
for another 200 sub par blog postings

its cold and outside, theres no kind of atmosphere..... la la la la la

the abysmal failure of the copenhagen summit got you down?

this is a copenhagen meeting of real world significance!

mary piss off mcdonalds inc

some corpse that did not actually really do anything 'miraculous'


so theres all this crap about some dead australian bint
it seems the biggest, lyingest, lechourous murderous corporation on the planet
the self-appointed bogus fanciful fiction selling multi headed hydra
the catholic church that it is
is going to make this daft fairy story peddling cow a 'saint'
amongst other idiots
including 2 ex popes
who did nothing but cause murder and suffering
ie not opposing a certain holocaust
or telling africans its worth getting aids coz god told them not to use rondoms
but here in desperate-for-attention australialandia
theres is lots of excitement because we dont have a 'saint' yet
so now we will get like the tough kids on the planetary block
coz she performed a milagro
which of course was never checked, certified or affirmed
because it was all LIES!
what a fucking crock of horse dung
huzzzahhhhh!

ahhh...

that old chestnut...

imagine the size of the scotch for these rocks!

this is lake baikal in russia, brilliant!

UnHappy Kappa

damn bugger piss bollocks
happy kappa has closed down
the happy kappa was great
prolly less than 100 metres from door to dooooooh
lovely noodle dishes
sobas and udons and the like
with the a bit of fugu thrown in
and unagi don
which i'm actually permitted to eat!
run by real live friendly nihon jin
instead of chinese people who got a job coz they looked ''asian''
and it was CHEAP!!!
aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrssse!
i guess that explains why they werent answering the phone...

It's Alien Kill-Fuck-Marry!

a)skinny big-eyed pale little dudes from Close Encounters of the Third Kind
















b)Roger the Piss-wreck from American Dad






















c)Killing machine kind-of-invisible alien from Predator
















d)Lamp fingered phone fiend ET

















e)Put-upon martian with disintegrating disintegration ray from bugs bunny

















f) nasty multi-mouthed beasty from the Alien quadrilogy








2 of each for your delectation...
Nominate now and you could be in with of a 'chance' of 'winning' a brand new shiny Fuck All...

tonight i'm gonna rock you pt.2

plinkety plinkety plonkety plonk
sweet strumming of twin acoustic guitars
gentle cymbal tapping
a velvety voice caressing your soul via your ears
the rocking cradle of enchanting melodies

lulled away in ethereal dreaminess

except not...

fucking bugger!

tonight i'm gonna rock you...

digadigadigadigadigadiga
wackadawackadawackadawacka
boom crash crash boom
throbbity throbb
etc etc
lights and brutal wall of melody blissfully flooding senses..
ecstatic crescendo
God i've been asleep for so long...

grinning from ear to ear and drifting away

except not...

bugger

it'd blow queen off the fucking stage

eye butt

so we hear all this news about what your new mobile phone can do
it can make your butt smaller
it can ring your friends when you dont want to talk to them
it can find you a new gay lover
it can tell you where to turn right
it can demand your dedication to a new cult
etc etc
its all overated
the phone that services the limebeaver.com organisation
now that is the dogs swingers
dont insult it with your tales of instantaneous replays
not even of the 3.25 from abu dabai
if only not coz the bubble got a royal pricking
a long, long way from peak bollocks
it dont need no gps to tell you where you arent
that is a given
it wont tell you when your goose is cooked
who the fuck needs that then?
nothng far fetched and superfluous
SUPERFLUOUS
what a word!
apart from this
it doesnt actually do anything practical
none of this taking phone calls
receiving text messsage
a lithiumo-espacial age batteronium
as if anyone would want to know the time
or listen to the radio
harrumphhh
or similar rot
your victim of technology is our breakfast
withoutout any eggs mind
powering effortlessly into the distant future
a new axiom of enterta........

rocket propelled sheep launcher, if you know what i mean

hobnobbing can be challenging work
blagging, ligging and wotnot
pressing the flesh into some flesh shaped moulds
this weekend saw the salubrious launch party of mahalo mel
with her hawaiin massage biz
and i didnt even know she was hawaiin
she promises all kinds of exotic things
including hawaiin himalayan rocks that apparently make you pass out
despite the fact that your kids are burning down the house
there was a coconut shy
but no milky joe
a pungent aroma of bounty bars
children to talk to
loads of delish looking punch
smoked salmon and prawns
lots of wine
and many more goodies
marvellous effort mahalo mel

howling at the moon

sha la la la
sha la la la la
thats what im doing here...

and im at it again...
sha la la la
sha la la la la

sex, all change!

an acquantaince of this blog has recently done something large
that person had a nip and tuck
not just your standard bit of the belly and eyelid hoiking
oh no
they had a big job done
and my what a big job it was
big job big job big job
this person used to be girl/woman/chick/bird/lady/wench etc
and that's no longer the case
oh no
this person is now a dude/bloke/geezer/fella/chap/boy
oh yes
and this person now does look markedly different
they had their thingies lopped off and donated to charity
they bought a wang and a pair of nads from bangladesh via ebay
got them stuck on with sticky tape
and they had a HAIRCUT!
so now she is a he
and behavioural change is underway
she/he burps in public places
she/he scratched her fake bollocks
she/he drinks loadsa beer instead of girly bacardi drinks
and now she/he is the wussiest/do-goodiest bloke thing walking the planet
YOU know who YOU are...

you are what you eat...

it's people!!!

ireland's handyman

its not easy being irish
things were going alright until the catholics showed up and enslaved their minds and bodies
then those dastardly english show up, invade and fuck the place up royally
they spend centuries oppressing the locals and moving in their own
when the staple crop of potatoes gets footrot
the english dont lift a finger and a million die
another million flee to england, north america and australia
only to be treated as second class citizens
finally after untold suffering the rebellion starts working
the english agree to leave but demand to keep a quarter of the island
leading to further horrible bloodshed and even worse, Ian Paisley
around the beginning of the 21st century ireland was finally becoming a wealthy nation
then an ecomomic bust befell the country and todgered it
staggeringly Ireland got to its metaphorical feet
until Thierry Henry, famous hypocrite showed up...

the salad days

those salad days sure were heady
there is a reason why persons angle spruchkens the world over use the expression
in attedance there were lettuce and tomato and onion!
potato and olives and capsicum!
anchovies and fetta and rocket!
parmesan and egg and alfalfa!
and more besides...
in merely those three weekdays they made some enormous scientific breakthroughs
furthered human understanding
cured seven deadly contagious diseases
contacted extra terrestrial life form
and foretold the impending evil of bucks fizz
the salad days were tuesday, wednesday and friday
the 7th, 8th and 10th of February 1977
(thursday the 9th was disqualified due to a beef related incident)
most people are unaware of this specific information
its available for purchase from this site for three fiddy
little known fact is that there is a similar expression in laotian
'salad with fish sauce days'