sundaland til i die, glu glu glu...

The tv series, sundaland til i die highlights the unfailing passion the Sundaland residents had for their beloved football club, taking viewers through the highs and lows of SUFC's 12000BCE- 11999BCE season in the Sinking Feeling Inc. Continental Championship following its relegation the previous year from the prestigious Continental LiGah.

The Continental LiGah was eventually tortuously formed (football politics hey?) as a breakaway league following the achingly glacial demise of the pan-pan-pangea league in 175000000BCE due to irreconcilable subduction.  With the early favourites being atlantis afc, but they were disqualified after an epochal series of no shows. nevertheless their marketing department claims to this day that they were 'simply ahead of the tide'.

For more than 2.5 million years, the rabid fans of sundaland ufc obsessively followed their team during its vicissitudes on the higher shores of intercontinental competition.

With their comedy accents and undying love for their team of fans across the ancient landmass, their team fought mightily against such worthy opponents as beringia fc, doggerland fc and their perennially rubbish neighbours, sahul wtfc. until they got that sinking feeling...

我在2018年去了那里！

慕田峪  is a section of 中国的长城 located in 怀柔 District within the city limits of 北京  70 kilometers northeast of the of the city centre. 

super hans, font of wisdom

Mots pressés, mots sensés, mots qui disent la vérité...

shibboleth

juggernaut

behemoth

leviathon

tex, kim et french al telling it like is, was and will be

misheard lyrics no. 5 - Rod Stewart - The First Cut Is The Deepest

originally written by folk tediast michi stevens

he found it all too overwhelmingly saucy so he changed his name to allah biscuits (the twat)

the first thrust is the deepest became a hit for several other soft rock peddling turds

and it lives on in shit pubs to this day

tricking sickeningly smoochy couples into singing along to carnal filth

flight of the conquistacords

bark rubbing of some marauding bloody hippies, budapest circa 2500bce

Before 3000 bce, europe was mainly inhabited by punks, mods, rastas and skins and things were going smashingly, with dolmens, wild boars and goat flavoured g strings.

Alas, hordes of massed hippies arrived in the 2970's BCE. Like pretty much everybody else,  it involved a massive migration into the heartland of Europe from its eastern periphery, the Eurasiatic steppes. (but this time involved dragging about proto grateful dead a capella boy bands of their day.

Known as the Corded Ware culture with terrible textured and flared trousers and mung beans. they hung around and stunk up the place from the late Neolithic, through the Copper Age, and ending in the early Bronze Age. (circa 2376 BCE) this 500 year reign of of terror involved incense, shit clothes and tedious music that really brought everybody down, man, and lead to the extinction of the eurocordy wildebeest, which they slaughtered to make horrendous primitive clothing.

prosit!

the fat white rubbery fucker known to anglophones as the michelin man

is actually a raging alcoholic

his name in french as 'bibendum'

which literally translates from latin as 'drinking'

a ton sante bibebebe!

What do you get when you kiss a girl?

You get enough germs to catch pneumonia

After you do, she'll never phone you...

scarcely rhodesian horseplay

if you squint really hard you can see the goal posts (or tarquin bâtons) and a poloser next to his own goal with his horse mr schned's arse facing the field.

i took to the polo field once

in the formerly glorious zim land of the shona and ndebele

no

not water bash'ems polo

not segaioloway polo

nor pushbikey polo

but real polo

you know

the one with big galumping horsies

and cumberbatch sandwiches

they say you have to show the horse confidence and who is boss

otherwise they they will do whatever the fuck they like

as this was the first time i had ridden a horse

 i was scared shitless

and mr schned horsey had me figured in seconds

thus i spent much of the game, on the edge of the field, facing the wrong way on a steadfastly immobile horse

not having a clue what was going on

little pigs little pigs let me in... to your crush your fucking skull!

mimesis?

nop

its futemime!

shock!/choque!/choc!/шок!

sip el hombre invincible ruso gano su referendum

que sorpresa!

se puede estar seguro que el proceso fuera 107.7% legitimo

(como minimo)

como siempre en putinlandia

asi va ser presidente para siempre

be, por el resto de su vida de mierda

pon esto en tu шок y frielo!

unfinished intense monkey business

what makes him... Summer?

temperature drop in downtown winterland

its getting a bit chilly on the willy of late here in inner north winterland

of course its all relative

like your mamma!

its nothing like winter splinter bay in lapland

or melting with the spring snows in archangel

or autumn soon at mount erebus

or

worst of all

one more summer in surf city, brummagem

why gwyn talks like a pirate

                                      newton trying to get his leg over with yet another bird

Robert Newton was an English nutter. Along with (cool/australian) Errol Flynn, Newton was one of the more popular actors among the male and extremefuckingmente juvenile audience of the 1940s and early 1950s, especially with British nobbers. Known for his hard-living lifestyle, he was cited as a role model by the actor Oliver Reed and the Who's drummer Keith Moon (both famously balanced individuals).

He's best remembered today for playing Long John Schlong in Treasure Island (1950) and its sequel in 1954. His portrayal of Long John Schlong and of Blackbutt, the Pirate (1952) created a persona that was so indelible that his vocal intonations created the paradigm for scores of people who want to "Talk Like a Pirate".

Which is exemplified by,  in the 1970's, when young roustabout and aspiring corsair gwyn (growing up on the mean streets of soapytitwank, westcountria) began to speak exactly the same as newton coz as has been scientifically verified, all west country accents are identical in every way.

so long courtney

supercool courtney gives leonard a healthy strayan twang and does it quite beautifully

he lied and he cared not a jɒt!

c'era una volta

tantissimi anni fa

nel millenio scorso

c'era uno straniero sciocco

che visitava la bella citta, la superba

era un tipo molto fortunato

perche gia aveva qualche amica di la

li conosceva da una sperienza che abbia vissuto a londra

quindi sto fortunato

andava in giro con ste ragazze simpatiche

erana super brave

e gli sono portato a tanti bei posti

a vedere delle cose interessanti

e a mangiare delle cose stupende

una giornata splendida

gli sono portati a vedere un paesino famoso

molto pictoresco 

dove vivono della gente straricche

che si potrebbe chiamare pòrtofin 

(puodarsi!)

nell tragitto in treno

con un bellissima visto del tirenno

e i borghi pintoreschi

entre tante chiacchierate divertenti

lui guardava fuori dalla finestra

ha spiato qualche barche a vela

e, inspirato

ha deciso di raccontarle una buffala straordinare

non per essere cattivo

solo per dire una cazzata divertente

le ha detto che la parola inglese 'yacht'

(e ricordatevi che loro parlassino benissimo l'inglese)

quindi ha detto che questo yacht non si pronuncia 'jɒt'

come le avevano insegnato a scuola o alla universita

per niente 

ha detto questo rompipalle

invece

le ha detto che si pronuncia 

jæt͡ʃt

ma come erano ragazze intelligenti e istruiti

come ho gia detto

e poliglotte

e lui era un poveraccio che conosceva solo l'inglese

(e scarsamente)

erano sicure che non e' corretto

hanno detto 'ma nooo!'

non e' possibile!

in piu non si suona naturale!

i nostri professori hanno detto che si pronuncia 'jɒt'!

e (di corsa) wink wink

avevano ragione

ma sto tipo sciocco e rompipalle

ha insistito

ma come dite?

e la mia lingua madre

lo conosco

cento per cento!

le poverine sono rimasti stupite

e' un pazzo?

e' forse drogato?

como mai non l'avevamo sentito prima sta roba?

pero lo straniero bugiardo

era bravo a dire le menzogne

e continuava a dire con una certezza forte

nop nop nop

si dice jæt͡ʃt!

before the black hills, souf dakota, gringolandia were vandalised ...

werent they just luvverly?

then...whitey trashed it

(but he wasnt yet on the moon)

The insult of Rushmore to some Sioux is at least three-fold:

1. It was built on land the government took from them.
2. The Black Hills in particular are considered sacred ground.
3.The monument celebrates the European settlers who killed so many Native Americans and appropriated their land.

(from american experience)

definite article 2- fucking romance languages

portugues

francais

espanol

italiano

fucking simple innit?

definite article -english

tricky innit?

foda se!

Grupo evangélico peruano injeta medicamento veterinário em milhares de pessoas para a Covid-19

Pelo menos 5.000 habitantes da Amazônia peruana receberam uma vacina antiparasitária para animais, oferecida pelos religiosos como “uma salvação” para o coronavírus

Equipe de saúde aguarda no porto de Iquitos para transferir pacientes ao hospital da região, em 18 de junho.CESAR VON BANCELS / AFP

JACQUELINE FOWKS

Lima - 21 JUN 2020 - 19:14 CEST

Na região de Loreto, a maior da Amazônia peruana, o governador e um grupo evangélico promoveram a aplicação da ivermectina veterinária em cerca de 5.000 pessoas. Nesta área isolada do Peru, onde vivem quase um milhão de pessoas, das quais 300.000 indígenas, o medo da Covid-19 e a falta de assistência do Estado levaram muita gente a aceitar a injeção do antiparasitário, que foi apresentado como um paliativo para a doença. “Desde maio, o governador do departamento de Loreto e uma aliança evangélica convocaram as pessoas, usando as emissoras de rádio, para aplicar a ivermectina veterinária como se fosse uma vacina contra a doença. Em Nauta, pelo menos 5.000 pessoas a receberam”, diz Leonardo Tello, diretor da Rádio Ucamara, a principal emissora da cidade, localizada a duas horas da capital da região, Iquitos, e ponto de entrada para as comunidades indígenas do rio Marañon.

Tello conta que muitas pessoas sentiram o coração bater mais rápido após a injeção. “O efeito colateral tem sido horroroso”, relata. Segundo ele, alguns pastores evangélicos de Loreto vincularam o novo coronavírus ao demônio e ao fim do mundo, oferecendo essas injeções “como salvação”.

roger goes bau

roger is little and black
though not as little as he once was
but still plenty black
roger is as cute as can be
roger is ambivalent towards me
roger has a basic grasp of italian
come tutti i cuccioli bravi
he sometimes makes a bit of noise
when he goes
bau bau
but i dont mind
its nice to know that roger is there
in fact not that long ago
i hadnt heard from roger for a few months
i did wonder if roger was on holiday!
roger knows my voice
but not my face
roger goes scrit scrit scrit
on the back door
when he knows mum and dad are around
roger wonders what is going on over there
and sometimes gets into arguments
with his neighbours
when they get too bolshy
'piss off' roger says
'this is my hood'
they will argue back
but ultimately
they know that roger is king

roger doesnt know it
but
roger is my friend

vocally fried

whats your fave type of vocal fry?

hokey croaky schnaa

(ohhhh emilia!!!)

OR

the original great man

a sweeping state-ment

all good and pantywaist anglophones were most likely force fed info about the house of plantagenet

they ruled over chunks of france

and large bits of the bwitish (northern?) isles for hundreds of years

even the most ignorant donkey fucker has heard of 

some harrys, dicks and eddies

after centuries of standard slaughter and oppression

and copulating with their sisters, uncles and step midgets

they eventually got sick of incest

and in the name of pompous fuckwittery and lutes

murdered themselves into oblivion

but at least their noble named lived on!?

 doesnt the name plantagenet sound sooo sophis!

sooo exotico!

sooo high and mighty!

yeah nah

its named after an unimpressive ickle yellow flower

genisteae or planta genista

also known as the broom plant

how very glamourous indeed! 

quiubole?

arrecho!

chido?

chevere?

arrecho?

puravida?

weona?

chuchaqui?

boludo?

naco?

pana?

parcero?

tio?

chavo?

compa?

vos?

coger?

orale?

hijole?

andale?

birra?

fria?

chela?

tuanis?

maje?

chispero?

che?

cerote?

fren?

vaina?

flaite?

cachai?

fresa?

guagua?

bacano?

pelotudo?

pinche guey!

ojafuckingla!

la matinee? baise-moi!

avez-vous alle' jamais au cinema dans l'apres midi pour voir un film 'matinee'?
moi, oui
mais ça n'a aucun sens!
et pourquois pas mon ami? vous dites
c'est parce que...
matinee vient de le mot matin
et ca veut dire selon google;
'Période de temps comprise entre le lever du soleil et midi.
putain!

brizzle gets bizzle... huzzah!

in shockingly contemporary news
brisvegans have torn down a statue Edward Colston and thrown it in the 'harbour'
colston was a revered filthy rich white dude who donated lots of wonga to his home town of brizzle
which contributed to the construction of many lovely buildings and plazas
some of which still bear his name
looking at you megabus terminal @ hall

unfortunately
much like grandpa simpsons onion on his belt
colston made his money by shipping Human Beings as Chattels
(no relation)
and their descendants
to short brutal lives (if they didnt die en route)
of misery and suffering as Slaves
which was the style at the time


admittedly he did this evil shit in the 17th and 18th centuries
when it wasnt uncommon to see 'others' as uncivlized
thus less than human
the europeans and their north american colonies had a merry old time
making eye watering amounts of money via this exploitation
and built much of their current nations wealth
and plenty of grand buildings
(looking at you port of liverpool)
on the 'triangular trade'
of approx fucking 12.5 million Humans

yes yes you cryptofascists
they werent the only ones by any stretch
the africans were usually caught and sold on by other african tribes
and the arabs were past masters
mayans, romans, shang and just about every other fucker
etc etc
but if you take into account
go fuck yourselves moral relativist cunts
...

the main offenders were (in Humans trafficked)

Spain         Portugal     Great Britain   Netherlands  U.S.A    .France   
1,061,524  5,848,266   3,259,441          554,336   305,326  1,381,404

serpicant be serious

i dont care if it was the early seventies
when looking like youd been dragged backwards through a leech infested swamphenge
was way cool
man
i dont care if al pacino is a bit of a mito
nor if his gringaccento was whiny as fuck
i dont even care that at times in the film when hes fully bearded
and you can only see his mug
he looks particularly handsome
like a glammy cross between marco and stefan
i dont care if people sometimes wore glider sized lapels to weddings
with sideburns that would have made old burnside cringe
i dont even care that he was a rebel
a hippy
a groover
or the fucking formosan queen mother
i dont care if he was an evil scientists version of a love child of a highly stoned chong, bill oddie and billy from easy rider
i dont care if his mum spoke to him in italian dialect
nor that the real bloke was ethically outstanding


thats just fucking obscene

whats on your mind?

brain food?

un che pibe boludo

Cunt Leopold's Goats

Belgium hey?
cute little harmless country with pretty towns
waffles, chocolate and frites
kept being invaded by napolean then the naughty prussians
half frenchy
half nederlander
(plus a dash of deutsch)
tintin et milou!
a little stone wazzer
lovely friendly people

all good and innocent

surely they didnt get involved in the eurotrash mania of colonising, looting and genocide of the last half millenium?

not like those dastardly french in indochina or west and north africa
or those wicked spanish in latin america and the (phillip)ines
or those brutal portuguese in africa and brasil
or those java despoiling dutch
not even like those giovanni come latelys - italy, having a gas in abyssinia
or those genocidal germans in namibia, hottenwots?
or the champions of colonial exploitation, the conniving engerlish!

alas they were at it too

as (some of the) sex pistols said
no one is innocent.

just suppose i juxtaposed with you 2 - giza geezer

verdict; go fuck yourself


pyramids of giza
constructed as tombs for pharoahs. circa 2500 BCE
including the Great Pyramid  of khufu which was the tallest man-made structure in the world for more than 3,800 years.. It is estimated that the pyramid weighs approximately 6 million tonnes, and consists of 2.3 million blocks of limestone and granite, some weighing as much as 80 tonnes. 
It is the oldest of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, and the only one to remain largely intact.

seen from

pizza hut, giza
a bog standard 3 storey building, latter half 20th century building.
not content with taking the magnificent italian food and desecrating it by making it out of reprocessed horse shit, decorated with lowest grade excretia, euphemistically labelled 'toppings'. this crass uber capitalistic multi national conglomerate chose to place their filth dispensing outlet adjacent to the most the most culturally significant building on the planet.

just suppose i juxtaposed with you; 1 - tokyo town

verdict; jarring or striking?
i dont fucking know

zojiji temple
14th century buddhist temple
main temple of the Jōdo-shū Chinzei sect of Buddhism in the Kantō region
from the tokugawa shogunate

set beside

 tokyo tower
1950's eiffel tower knock off
communications and observation tower , it is the second-tallest structure in Japan.

The reassuringly named Death Road - Bolivia

shortly after some religious fools very effectively performed a demolition job in downtown noo yawk
a couple of nutters went for a little bikey wikey excursion
it goes from the snowy andean nutmeggery outside la paz
down to the sub tropical town of coroico
a drop of 3500 metres over 60 km distance
its called the death road because it was built by bob death of la paz in the 1830s
or its because of many deaths from people getting it slightly wrong and falling off the edge
to their dooooom!
most of the deaths are locals driving trucks, buses etc
but it also averages one death per year of foolhardy bikey tourists

and it sure killed my butt!

hipster swaziland?

did swaziland change its name be modern and hi tech sounding?
did such an enormous undertaking take place to keep up ezines, email and the ejoneses?
did traditional attire change from colourful african clobber to naff beards, retro bicycles and moronic tattoos?

in 2018 this lichtenstein of a nation which only came about coz of eurotrash meddling
changed its named to
eswatini

effing hell...

xi-nnie the pooh

surely its not too soon... oh? 干!

of goras and gorras

-little desi cousins enraptured by the gora gorra

once upon a time in rajasthan
some jolly folks went on safari
to the famed ranthambore national park
where it is 'easy to spot' bengal tigers

the open top bus dealy was called a canter
the tourists were mostly indians
plus a handful of funny looking pallid goras
the canter was crammed full
so 2 little desi cousins had to change seats to the final row
as there was more space there
beside the bogan gora up the back
ensconsed in his corner

it wasnt a big deal
because their kindly mum/aunt and their uncle
back visiting from his studies in ukraine
were right in front
the clumsy gora tried to talk to them in his nonsensical gibberish
but they had no idea was he was mlecching about
the elder of the two cousins
just smiled sweetly and humoured him
when he threw in a few desi words amongst his mlecchery
but the little boy was nonplussed
what on earth was this fat transparent fool on about?
he might as well have been sat next to the ravenous blugglatter beast of traal

they kept climbing back and forward between the two rows
wanting to hang with their family
but they were told off and had to stay put when the canter took off
as the canter approached the gates of the park
the usual tat wallahs were there
and one gorra wallah spied the gora in the back corner
and thought he was surely 'in'
for a sale of his 'official ranthambore' gorras

on a whim the gora bought a gorra
and plonked it on his little neighbours head
hoping to score some brownie points
after some clumsy adjustments which kept squashing his head
now what was the bloody alien doing to him?
the gora sat back
looking proud of himself
and hoping for some recognition for his gesture

and then...

nothing

the little fellow briefly toyed with it to make it comfortable
and carried on with his day
all was forgotten
no yearned for warm words of thanks from the next generation in front
nor hoped for admiring looks from any of the other desi tourists

so the gora had to get on with his journey
vaguely fantasizing of imagined grandparental approval
when they got home

or in a decades time
the little fellow finding it in the back of his wardrobe
and thinking warmly of that friendly mlecching gora
then being inspired to become leader of the united nations
in the spirit of international understanding

or
far more probably
it was was quickly forgotten
thrown in a corner
and disintegrated within weeks
to be thrown away with broken toys
to moulder away in a land fill

choose your own gora gorra destiny adventure

i looove you.. you are my BINT!

somewhere in the non wilds of south western engerland
we zipped along in her small car
probably from salisbury plain
heading towards bath? bristol? bielefeld?
on occasions like this
(and any other give half a chance)
despite pleas, threats and finally, resignation
she loved to 'sing' aloud
and loud
even if not allowed
she was notoriously tone deaf
if contagiously gleeful
but
as it was her car
she got to choose the music
and was belting out one horrorshow
after another
well they werent EXCLUSIVELY horrors
occasionally one would fall into my tasty taste bracket
one such album was a pet shop boys jobbie
and as she squawked and wailed her way through the tracks
this one track caught my groove train
the chorus just happened feature one of my fave blighty slang words

so
and most likely for the one time only
i too joined in the horrific tuneless mauling of a passable ditty
as i hollered along with
I LOOOOOOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY BINT

heres looking up yours, my nutter queen.

Strǝtjǝckǝt Fǝts

just before the continents sank
you could still go outside
i was sitting in a grungy bar
they tuned up and took us all for a ride

straitjacket fits' shayne, i need you again
deep space jam on inner north terrain
straitjacket fits' shayne, i need you again
help me break these tedious quarantine chains...