Portfolio eye view of the world-U

U
Uganda
Is a pretty funky name for a country dont you think? Uganda is very central africa and sits on one side of lake victoria, named after that famous african king, victoria. It was also the home of internationally famous nutbag, idi amin. Mr amin managed to take over the country, go completely insane and kill everybody he could, possibly the best value in the psycho dictator shoppe today. I was once on a plane that was going to uganda, but i escaped in a balloon during the carter regime. Uganda wasnt so lucky when armyvis was in the area, calling it a most unnatural disaster.
travel advice-go see the gorrillas in the pissed, if you know what i mean.

Ukraine
Thats Ukraine, not The Ukraine like some buttmunches keep on about, how would they like it if everybody went around banging on about the australia or the britain. so shut up. Ukraine was until recently part of the ussr and a large percentage of the population are russians, so much so that they dont even speak ukranian. (at least thats what a dancing chick in hurghada told me). The capital is kiev and isnt stuffed wth creamy sauce. I got quite close to ukraine once but decided slovakia was whacky enuff for me. In recent times Ukraine managed to piss off the russian bastards who tried to poison their leader with their orange flavoured revolution and got some democracy and now want to be european and nato flavoured. They may need some luck with keeping the kremlin outta town, see georgia. and how about chernobyl and radioactive lollipops? yes, that is in ukraine too.
travel advice-the expression christ on a bike should NOT be applied to beavis on his way to work

United Arab Emirates
known around the wild streets as the uae. so they are united and they are emirates and they are generally pretty arab, three of my favourite adjectives. I think there are 12 of these little camel molesting bits of sand that should be of no importance of all, but they found oil so now they are all over the place and wah wah wah. The two richest, abu dabi and dubai have gone out into the international supermarket of stuff and bought airlines, football clubs, ridiculously tall buildings, racing tracks, theme parks and islands made of sand that look like palm leaves. They are NOT democracies and being arabic, the women are second class, dont believe the hype, they can go and make in a culo.
travel advice-just fucking leave it out wont you?!!

Godblessamerica inc.
Oh dear, you kind of need a whole blog to talk about godblessamerica inc. they modestly named themselves the united states of america, ignorting the fact that they took up less than a tenth of the land mass of the americas and there are 20 or so other american states. godblessamerica inc. is currently the biggest kid on the planetary block and has a habit of being a bunghole, causing death and mayhem anywhere on the planet you care to name. Only 14 percent of godblessamericans have passports, so that says pretty much all you need to know. The country was formed by english religious lunatics and hasnt progressed much. Basically the nation could be summed up as gun shagging, bible humping racist ignorant twats. They became the main world dominators during the century of mass communication, so coca cola, nike, starbucks, mcdonalds, basketball caps and britney spears are bloody everywhere
travel advice-i would rather eat my boots after dipping them in goat shit and arsenic pudding than go to godblessamerica inc again.

Uruguay
its the other guay, just across the river plata from buenos aires. Uruguay isnt up to much these days, they have a pretty good football team, they have gum trees and theres that movie 'alive' about uruguyan rugby players snacking on eachother bottoms. the capital is montevideo which sounds like something particularly pervy involving making love to beavis's videa to me. Even the biggest bogan ignorant australians have now heard of uruguay after we beat them in the world cuppy wuppy play off match. Which caused no end of trauma for urugugugugugyans coz they believed they had a 'divine right' to go to the world cup finals, being hosts of the first ever one and twice winning the whole shebang. Large thththththht warning.
travel advice-if you cant feel your legs, you have taken too many drugs and should stop driving.

Uzbekistan
One of the stanniest of the stan family. Uzbekistan has trees and mountains but no lemurs. Central asia, former ussr, blah blah blah. notable uzbekis include err the president of uzebekistan.
travel advice-you can walk there from south africa if you really, really want to.