il super lamentone

Ive got this cold deal
its really, really getting on my tits
not that theres all that much to get on
when i cough my brain shakes
and its hurts...
i can feel it bouncing off the sides of my head
fuckign ARSE!
better schlep another lolly thing
ahh thats better
stream of consciousness blog
what else is there to bitch about?
my nose is running
like the mother of all metaphors
you just cant look down
otherwise it takes its cue
and gushes out
forming pools of nasty on the pillow
imagery baby!
and bloody bloody blood noses!
they always come in handy
just when you think its safe to blow your nose
it gets all red and horrid
funk dat
its not even october
but where the hell does that come from?
sure, put me on a plane and my nose will crank it out
no eyelids battered
not like qualities of a fish
gravel etc.
but with a cold
oh just fuck off
lets not forget sleep disturbance
i know thats a favourite of all you families at home
you wake up every 14 mins precisely
snorting and suffocating as your lungs scream for air
and your nose tells it to get bent
only to fall pitifuly back into a miserable semi slumber
for 14 minutes until it all starts again
snuffle, schnortle.. gasp
fucccccckkkkkkkkkkkkkk!
along with disturbed sleep comes its great mate fuzzy brain
whats that?
youd like to be able to string a sentence together?
youd like to be vaguely comprehensible?
youd like to be able to type a word with one syllable?
youd dare want to be able to concentrate until the end of a sentence or the 15 seconds of telly so you can find out whodunnit?
youd like to be able to differentiate between a 'q' and a 'm'?
no, screw you!
inchorent you were born and incoherent you shall remain
arsewipe
one cant bitch and moan about a cold
and leave out sneezing
strangely pleasant from some angles
until your bones start rattling
and your brain too
and you just feel dopey and need to lie down
coz some molecules have been disturbed in your 'ed
and thrusted unwillingly at your proboscis
fucker
another all time fave is deafness
what? you say...
well fuck you smartarse..
i cant hear you so i dont care
i cant hear ed kuepper on the stereo
being all portentious
and banging on about how superb he is
mysteriously though
and this is food for thought
the muppet upstairs smashing the floor above my bed at precisely 8am
i can make out every hammer blow
every carpet rip
every whatever the hell else renovating carpenting homy-fixy sort of blokes do
must be like dogs hearing
with whistles and wotnot...
coz i can hear every slam, bam, rip, schlock and whack
bouncing and reverbing,
penetrating under the afore mentioned ultra 'you can do headstands in your sanitary napkin' thin layer of rest and recovery that is supposed to encase your febrile mind until all is well or at least on that track with hiking boots
almost forgot, no well i did forget...
temperatures going haywire
left arm too cold?
throw on a jacket
oh shit
now the right shoulder blade is overheated and melting down
sweat pouring down your furrowed self-pitying brow
take off that big hood thing
pants
now the neck is getting some kind of frostbite
icicles forming on hairline
so, very, cold
left iris got the chills?
crank up the heating
ouch!
that was a kidney liquefying

happy happy joy joy