mon beau cauchemar

j'adore la langue francaise
elle est tres tres douce
elle est la langue plus sexy
elle est la langue de mes amis
mes amis a paris
mes amis a tanger, casa, rabat et plus
les amis de l'algerie et tunisie
mes amis dans la dordogne
mes amis rhonais
et les amis des autres partis du hexagon
mes amis dans la costa azzurra
(sorry)
gli amici corsi
(sorry, not sorry)
et mes amis italiens
de ma prof a la coree
et sa famille au canada
de mes amis inconnus en senegal
en benin et mali
tous mes amis francofones africains
au nouvelle caledonie et tahiti
la maman du super stronzo
les amis belges
et mes amis suisses
des seychelles, martinique etc

grace a la langue francaise
je fais partie de cette societe

mais putain!

burning down stephen cummings

sc shortly before a swingeing singeing 


a long time ago
on an island not so far far away
i burned down stephen cummings

it wasnt entirely intentional
but neither was it completely accidental

he was there
in that car park
with all the nobbies
and we were there too

i certainly didnt rock up to the carpark with a flamethrower
though it might have been prescient

but as we got down
and viddied our surroundings
i thought i recognized him

was it because he was a bit of a smug git?
was it because i knew he would diss my hero in years ahead?
was it because i had just been listening to porno for pyros?

its a mystery for the ages

but i was taken away by a non nihon divine wind
and
before i knew it
the lighter fluid had been liberally applied
and i was dancing around his flamin body
calling to the gods xyslsyslphone
and tlocacpslockoff
calling on them to accept my sacrifice
in their honour
and to provide rains for our crops
fertility for our women
and another nasty slab of amber funtimes...

on his masturbike?

quite possibly my favourite opening sequence to a fillum...

loony jana landia

c'era una volta un paese
che e ormai scomparso
un pease mistico
dove ci abitavano gli orsi con salame
dove c'era la neve abbondante
dove si davano lavori importanti a stronzi brutti e puzzolenti
e uno spazio che si chiamava porko nero

non era lontanissimo da firenze
dove si potevo andare a un teatro e parlare cazzate televisate
e c'era anche una biancaneve fighissima

ma ora non esiste piu
come il tilacino
era troppo ganzo per questo mondo moderno
e questo paese di meraviglie
come si chiamava?
si chiamava lunigiana
dove si incontravano i lunatici

Beavis & Butt Head do.... Weezer

i liked this show better when that other dude owned the restaurant, that dude from karate kid...

we're through the looking glass now folks...

"Villy Søvndal, a former foreign minister, said the decision “confirms that Donald Trump is a narcissistic fool”.




(from forbes.com)

Trump Cancels Denmark Visit In Spat Over Sale Of Greenland

Isabel Togoh Forbes Staff

(utter dildo)
U.S. President Donald Trump speaks to members of the media after meeting with President of Romania Klaus Iohannis in the Oval Office of the White House for the second time.

Alex Wong/Getty Images

Topline: U.S. President Donald Trump has scrapped a state visit to Denmark after Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen shot down his idea that Copenhagen could sell Greenland to the United States.

• Trump tweeted on Tuesday: “Denmark is a very special country with incredible people, but based on Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen’s comments, that she would have no interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland, I will be postponing our meeting scheduled in two weeks for another time........The Prime Minister was able to save a great deal of expense and effort for both the United States and Denmark by being so direct. I thank her for that and look forward to rescheduling sometime in the future!”

• The U.S. President had been due to visit Denmark between September 2 and 3 at the invitation of Denmark’s Queen Margrethe II and was expected to meet Prime Minister Frederiksen.
• Trump’s move was met with shock and confusion in Copenhagen. Former Danish foreign minister Martin Lidegaard said the incident was a “diplomatic farce.” Former prime minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt wrote that the move was “deeply insulting” to the people of Denmark and Greenland.
• Officials in Copenhagen and Nuuk, capital of Greenland, had been firm but direct in their refusal to consider the sale of the semiautonomous territory on the world’s largest island. Frederiksen’s comment that Trump’s largest ever real estate gambit was “absurd” appears to have triggered the anger reaction from the Oval Office.

What to watch for: The Greenland spat has dominated headlines ahead of a tough week for Trump, who will meet G7 leaders in Biarritz, France, later this week. Trump has faced criticism for his calls to readmit Russia to the group after it was booted out in 2014 over its illegal annexation of Crimea.
Meanwhile, despite his claims that the U.S. economy is performing well, Trump is pushing the Federal Reserve to cut interest rates by at least a full percentage point as concerns about the global economy and the impact of his trade war with China mount.
The release of Federal Reserve minutes later today and Fed chairman Jerome Powell’s speech on Friday at the central bank’s annual meeting in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, will hint at the next steps.
Key background: Trump’s declaration that he wants to purchase Greenland has been widely met with disbelief in Washington and Copenhagen, with ex-prime minister Lars Lokke Rasmussen suggesting that the move was an “April Fools’ Day joke.” Trump confirmed to reporters on Sunday that he had discussed the “strategically interesting” concept, which he described as “essentially a large real estate deal.” On Monday, he tweeted a meme of Trump Tower superimposed onto a Greenland landscape, and said: “I promise not to do this to Greenland!”

In a diplomatic response, Kielsen said that Greenland was not for sale but that “Greenland is open for trade and cooperation with other countries, including the USA.”
The U.S. has tried to buy the strategically significant but largely icebound island on at least two other occasions, and the U.S Air Force continues to operate a large airbase there.

david byrne likes go karting

                                                    these slipstream people...


ian dury thought that golf carts were invented by the devil
lemmy was a compulsive whittler
joey ramone collected butterflies
bowie always breathed on his left side when swimming crawl
marc bolan eschewed lego, but love duplo
suggs sold his left bollock to a marshall at the stadium of light
debby harry thinks that stone rubbing is the path to nirvana
billy idol was into baking blueberry tarts
iggy hoarded embroidered cushions
johnny thunders thought that the moon landings werent faked but penicillin was
roky erickson had a large collection of danish royal crockery
jah wobble insists on 3 snow globes per room in his studio
hugh cornwell fluently speaks hmong
alex chilton spelt kangaroo the italian way
peter perrett wont step on pavement cracks
deniz tek thinks he has two left feet
bryan ferry ironically is scared of water
henry rollins counts llamas when he cant sleep
sid vicious' thought his name was spelled viscous
john cale believes he can speak with the ghost of llewelyn the great
lou reed thought he was a mentalist
ray manzarek chants 'jimbo is a twat' if you play his records backwards
kim salmon prefers tuna
angus young is allergic to knitwear
captain sensible is notoriously easily distracted
the easybeats were a pushover
pete townsend refuses point blank to eat cheese with bits in it
grant hart thinks that rice in the salt is really maggots
and
nick cave thinks that people are really quite nice

xi an be serious!

we have all heard of the famous explorer
you know the one
hell there was even a huuge and pricey drama series about him
he is famous as all fuck
he allegedly crossed the deserts on a handcart of solid fuck
ate camel chips with the k.ubester
and invented china

until as recently as last year
it was accepted fact that he was from venezia
but not friuli venezia giulia
no
that would be too sensible!

but last year and intrepid adventurer
bravely set forth into the great unknown
of a shopping mall in xi an, china

it was whilst in the untamed wilds of that shopping mall
and looking for a cash machine
that he discovered this remarkable fact

not only wasnt he from friuli venezia giulia
but he wasnt even from venezia!
madness!

he was actually from eire
yes that green and broguey island
with guinness and horrible folk music

most probably from whatever the irish equivalent is
of soapy tit wank
...

Ürge László a legenda!

what nationality was les murray?

wherefore hails his ancestry?



non importa un cazzo

era un stra leganda!



well, can you blame him?

stopping no stations to trippylandia

yes
its not the forest
the lack of trees
and fog make that plain
and theres no hair product to be seen
no basketball boots
stylishly undone
no pancakes to be slapped on
and no kiss me kiss me kiss me wuby wed lips


but for any bewildered teen
standing on the beach
staring at the sand
it made the side b highlights really reel
(and importantly no arabs were harmed in the making of the track)

and it was oooh so mysterious
who was jumping?
whos train were they jumping?
where the flying fook was the train going?
and how much fun
must it have been
if they kept doing it
again and again and again and a...

(its almost enough to make one take another journey...)

def marmelada pinche tube map

hace mil anos
nop
no mil anios
sip
mil anos
son muchos anos esos
es un culo party

lo mismo
hace mil bucos de culos
antes de que llegaron los criminales peninsulares
existia la grande ciudad de tenochitlan
era una civilization super avanzada
sabian de chocolate
de hijtomates
de tobaco
y de comer corazones
(con chips)
pero llegaron los pendejos espanoles
y despues de matar a todos
con sus armas
sus germenes
y
su acero
se quedaron quizas 10 por ciento de la poblacion chida
y no mucho de la civilization antigua
de hecho
en su frenesia de dios y re de mierda
buscaban de borrar todo la historia de este grandisima cultura

pero
almenos unos documentos
los codecs
aun nos llegue
unos que no lograran a quemar

y lo mas bello
es esta mapa de la antigua metro tenochitlana submarina

Beavis and Butthead do no.2 Morrissey- he's trying to hump a rock

get up off the ground and stop whining you wuss...

nechte je jíst zmrzlinu!

death to fucking bread and cheese!
after weeks faffpacking around western europe
and trying to eat frugally due to the fucking price of food
and the pathetic state of the oztrayan (mate) shekel
eg two cows, your first born son and half a kidney for an icecream on nice bleach
consisting of copious amounts of cheese and bread
and loads of guilt for being shit at it and being a general spendthrift
we finally arrived in prahahahaha
where we had been promised all was cheap and cheerful
by the lovely plain jane

and it was true!
compared to the horror prices of engerland, denmark, france and germany
the czech czech czech it out was indeed bargains galore!
(praise be to him)
after czeching into the ostello di gioventu
and getting royally fisted by a bureau de change
for the umpteenth time
we headed to a nearby supermarket to find some nosh
and ended up giggling our little heads off at how cheap it all was
austerity was over
the recession we shouldve oughto to have to have had was done
corny copiousouses abounded

unlike our more grown up  travel companions
who had lashed out on a better type of stir through pasta sauce
as their indulgence
i sought out the most ridiculous decadent item possible to celebrate the newfound riches

and after a few short minutes of snickering like a smackhead
who had just found a bin liner full of gack behind the shelter sheds
i found my absurd delice
which i would scoff in piggish abandon

A FUCKING ICE CREAM CAKE!

Beavis and Butthead do no.1 - Kylie Minogue

this chick has more teeth than most people...

kuxtal le maya kaajo'!

aun viven los idiomas mayas
ya ves malparido pendejo cortez?

pobbbreee gueeeeey...

tambien si el nombre de este idiota ya es bastante para enojarme
y mucho
por su politica
que fucking cretino
pero el esta querido y demasiado en mexico
yo lei algo sobre este fenomena
tipo
sus historias del intruso
y el romanticismo en sus letras
tienen algo super atractivo por los mexicas

pero
sus fans mexicanos tendrian que no entender demasiado de ingles
porque sus letras hablan tambien de racismo
y el es el racista!
que en un mundo de drumpf
y su actitud de mierda contra los mexicas
los ensarian una cuenta muy distincta!

pues
este grupo
mexrissey
es un supergrupo
sobretodo tiene musicos de cafe tacuba
que para mi (para nada un experto)
es el mejor grupo mexicano de siempre
y sus canciones
sus covers
son bellissimas
interpretan sus canciones con un toque puro mexicano
o sea
fucking chido!

and he never smelled us later

sure
lord admiral portfolio lungobardo snappypants nelson did a good job
he handed old bony parts his cul
and his spanish mates, their culos
which was no mean pear of feet
but
he went down like he was shot
(by a marksman on the redoubtable)
and he died desperately trying to get (an honestly guv)
heterosexual snog from his sea matey hardy ha
(the origin of the muntzers catchphrase no doubt)
as he lay dying at the battle of trafalgar place (brynmill)

in the end
following nelsons obvious dive
and subsequent penalty
england dubiously won 1-0
and bony parts was relegated to the championship

the king inbred and all the toffs of engerland
decided that he had pulled off such a scam
that wouldnt be equalled until ronaldo in the 2000s
that they built a column in his honour
and stuffed it in the middle of the newly named
trafalgar place square
bang in the centre of lahhhndan

but as they were pompous self important twats
with no self control
or sense of perspective
so now there is a great big fuck off column
in a huge wasteland of a square
and its so comically peter crouch
thats its neither awe inspiring
nor imperiously intimidating
it just fucking screams
'column built by pompous self important twats with no self control or sense of perspective'

its the end of that world...

as they know it
and millions of sad fanboyies and girlies are traumatised

and it was spent
the dragons and tits spectacular
the most loved telly show since
since not jebus didnt not have spokey dokeys

and it ended with a misfiring squib
being rammed right up the nerds rear admirals
and they are fuuurrrriuuusss
starting online petitions
smashing their keyboards with their knuckle draggy hands
AND WAILING IN CAPITALS
because it didnt end how they had imagined


at the start i found it pretty and  pretty uninspiring
all that i am lord trevor, 15th son of the baron of arseloch
i challenge you, king rectinol of the 9th sea of ubersplat
over the death of my favourite long haired gazunderblech
etc etc
exposition? boh?
but after all that  was EVENTUALLY over
it did float the limeboat

and the 12 year old mentalists did have a point
the ending was a bit underwhelming
all that epicness ending with
ok, lets all fuck off somewhere else now for some chips


but that was far less tragi/comic
than the chorus of entitled wheezing elderly infants...

shouting lagaan lagaan lagaan....

as part of the universal education scheme
implemented by the C.R.A.P
Compulsory Rotund Asininity Program
you will submit!
for the lesser good
this film was screened at limebeaver longford  gaslight of  lumiere
and its farrrrking epically long
three and a half hours
its really enjoyable
just has a bit too much of the obvious
the bad guys are soo bad
the good guys are sooo good
and the young lovers will of course face hurdles
or stumps
but you fucking know they will end of forever together
extra paneer anybody?

you aint seen me right?