misplaced onself in a retail establishment

that would just be silly



but it sure felt that way



wandering aimlessly around a giant mega hyper store



of an unnamed svenska shoppe



trying short cuts between cups and bunk beds



trying to straight line the plants and lamps



thinking about meatballs with schlarfen larfen sauce



and going around in circles and rhombiiii



it was only a small dastardly scheme



try to frame ho chi minh



in all his red glory



he had been asking for it since the 60's



he fought off the french, twice!



he gave the nihon jins a hard time



he fought off the gringos



so frustrated did they become that they tipped helicopters into the sea



he even fought off democracy



but i had him in my sights



or in my cupboard at least



and after waiting and plotting



finally he would be mine



but before that could be achieved i would have to outwit those devious scandies...

neil g-man

i've been getting into a bit of this man's work of late
this yellow man
this english man
doing the o-dio buuk thing
he tells his own tall tales
and they are fine tales indeedy
nominally it is for kiddlies
but there is a great darker side that would frighten the beelzebubs out of minor gromits
malevolent spirits (like southern comfort)
ghosty toasties
netherworlds (and not in your trousers)
and big bad scary monsters
even murderous man jacks
ooooooh! spooky!

Partner del cazzo

\


 come scusa?

missus the bus

so its 2014
and the avid blogmunchers have been all at sea
on a super mega inflatawotsit
no limebeaver news?
no limebeaver views?
no limebeaver rants?
no limebeaver pants?
they didnt cry
well they couldnt really
as they didnt exist

but they got over their existential crisis
managed to peer around the no show wall
and defiantly charged onwards and nowards
not unlike the charge of the light brigade
pointless, foolish and caps doffed
thats how they will change the world
thats how they will bring down the tyrants and other tin pot porters
buy paying no heed
(but they werent all scottish)

november, you remember

because he forgot
he forgot many a thing
he forgot horizontal sleet
he forgot to dazzle
the man from around the way
the man from the wrong side of the tracklist
he never jumped someone else's tram
he never slid the slide
because he forgot
he forgot how to

then one sunnyish day
with scudding fluffy clouds
in no particular popular childhood forms
he forgot how to forget

he closed his eyes
and he saw it all
he saw what came for before nothing
it was beige
like an awful 70's corduroy jacket
but without the elbow patches
he saw the mittle sized bang
he saw stars and galaxies and cosmic gloop

he saw the bootles at the caverneum club
before anybody else did
he saw the difference between lejos and lejanos
he saw the meaning of the river liffy
he saw all that shit
and he saw the other thing

and he remembered IT

now that was a headfuck....

trousered snakes

bloody blimey
awake to the snakes
two of the farkers
snakes in a bag of hair
with me
one grooving on the left
the other
sliding on the right
don't move
snakes are peaceable creatures aren't they?
or was that horseshit peddled by some corporate nonsense peddler?
long fuckers too
not the peddlers
one was creamy coloured
one was brown of some sort
stay statue still
but your ankles will hurt after a short while
they may just be passing through
but inside your troosers and top?
gradually slithering down your sides
slippery  wrigglers
warm and smooth
inside your outer skin
oh so slow
try not to breathe
try not to budge
try not to scream

fucking ansia!

cool shit i has looked at-buildings no.7

The Colosseum
Rome, Italy
What have the romans ever done for us?
It's brilliant right, it's just fucking staggering.  extra points because they used it to feed annoying twat christians to lions and other belve... what's not to love?

the dick is back, fuck you osstraya!

so its a done deal
osstrayas first female prime minister is gone
replaced by the last prime minister
a smug autocratic twat
from the same party
she got rid of that dick coz nobody could stand him
now the dick is back
brought back in desperation by their party
who looked like getting hammered at the upcoming election
by an opposition party
a party of cunts
lead by one of the biggest cunts this idiotic country has produced
with no policies at all
bereft of ideas
bereft of morals
bereft of humanity
apart from the usual right wing shit
shrieking hysterically about asylum speaker, unemployed etc
and just saying no nonnonononnoo to everything!
but
despite this scum being almost universally loathed
the cunt party and their cunt leader were going to shit it in
and why might that be?
well its all about dicks and cunts
because lame-o backwards redneck osstraya couldn't deal with a woman being boss
it threatened too many people
because osstraya is a nation of troglodytes
big macho blokes didn't wanna be told what to do by a chick
poor big macho blokes
they didn't dislike her policies
they didn't like her gender
she was hammered mercilessly from day one
for the crime of not being a bloke
by the murdochracy
by the moronic shock jocks
by the opposition cunt party
they belittled her
and used pathetic hate speech
they joked about her body
about her hair
shit that would never happen if she was a bloke
fucking disgusting
fucking sickening
fucking Neanderthal misogynist, racist, moronic country
fuck you osstraya!

super moooooon?

the whole media nonsense machine has been rather busy crapping on of late about lunar thrillages.
there was to be a 'super moon'
foolishly I took that to be a moon with its underpants on the outside.
wrong!
it didn't leap small trains with a stone in its shoe or whatever
look
up there
in the sky
is it a speckled lavatory dwelling pigeon?
is it that paper plane Gronnington Snottersly made in grade 2?
nooo... it's 'Super Moon'!
the greatest buttockish spectacle to flash the planet erff
ever!

cool shit i has looked at- buildings no.6

Taipei 101, Xinyi District, Taipei City, Taiwan
it's farking huge innit? 509 metres
it was the worlds tallest building for quite a bit and has a bonkers view from the observation deck.

map conditioning no.1-liguria

the weather on the tv makes an impression on our heads, arghghghhghg!
here's the banana that one cannot forget..

H.O.R.S.E

I played horse once
nothing to do with drugs
nothing to do with any Englishman you may or may not have met
I guess you could describe it has a kind of horseplay?
playing horse?
twas before the world ended
in distant societal universe
in another millenium
1999
University of Saint Diego
USD USD USD!
in godblessamerica inc.
I played the horse
which is not like playing the goat
or the ass
I played it with a boy
and with a girl
I played it with a ball
I played it on the set of Heathers
I was shit
tanto per cambiare....
I lost
badly
but I did shout a lot
and rudely make fun of my hosts
but
how could you not!?!

and ive never been back to the horse since (or sense)

guide to the mysterious universe of astrology

yes, it's all fucking bullshit!

 

 

 

yo soy un idiota-maduro

las cosas en Venezuela van siempre mas ridicolos.  El 'presidente' Maduro (despues de las elecciones muy sosphechosas), o chavez junior dijo adelante de las telecameras nacionales que el difunto ex presidente de venezuela, hugo fuckface chavez ha communicado con el el con las silbidas en la forma de un pajarito
a veces la pajaros hablan conmigo tambien, pero solamente despues de tomar unas drogas fuertisimas...
fucking cretino!. 

belin no. 2

belin no.1

one spear one club and fifteen years.

for more than fifteen years speary and clubby lived in boxes
it was a sheltered life
they were brought from another continent
and lived a couple of dog lives
just hanging in boxes in cupboards and sheds
they both had twins
another spear
and another club
they existed more than lived
waiting to be put into use
and look pretty and decorative
not to mention kulchural
then finally their chance came
the greater entity that they were part of was finally to be put to use
all the other bits and pieces were fished out from oblivion
ferried to their new display house
but speary and clubby were overlooked
and thrown out like so much tat
with torn rubbish bags and ye olde tape
discarded and unloved
mi spiace speary and clubby

take a number

yeah I took it
here on the bus
here on the plane
her in this seat
a number to asporto
sorry I lost something there
who the fuck are you?
and why am I waiting?
you must be pretty important
something out of this fucking world
the sun must shine out of your special place
what counts now?
what will it take to shake your box?
are you special?
so very, very special?
must I shake my money maker in your face?
is your face worth the place?
here's a whole
a hole whole
a whole lot of nowt
somebody is pissing in your wind
but your wind is deaf and blind
there she was
there he wasn't
now so special
then so not
a space of waste

out of this world... man

cool shit i has looked at - buildings- no.5

Tikal, El Peten, Guatemala
those mayans sure loved the flying spaghetti monster...