it looks like we might have made it..

To the end... Of 2012

so the world has ended?

nope, this is just maya

a craven affair

A few moons back I jumped off a plane in lahndahn town and went to see an international fitba game.  It was the osstraya sheilaroos versus the Nigeria sectarian death squad at the home ground of Fulham football club, I'd never been there before. I guess it made me a...

signs your country is fucked no.3425

Since Newtown school shootings, sales of kids’ bulletproof backpacks soar

#bollocks

#what the fuck?
#really?
#who gives a crap?
#why not make it Spanish?#
#heres some more shite
#fuckity fuck
#isnt this a cancello?
#feo
#bonnet
#not to put on your fucking head
#chess-oh
#smells like shit
#young people
#theres a man on the radio
#tedium beyond the medium
#spliff tag
#hash piece
#!+&%£%#

doggerland

Doggerland was until perhaps 8000 years ago part of a large land mass that connected the British isles to Europe, this land mass stretched out into the north Atlantic and Doggerland covered most of what is now the north sea... In these ancient and obviously, purer and better times,  'prehistoric' man could roam the plains and extensive motorway networks and its myriad lay-bys and be at one with his inner (pervy) being.

no it's bloody well not!

for a man that spouts some pretty stupid shit, old mozza nails it this time...

i dont like your name

And I don't like you
No really
Your name spells it all out
Trevor
Twat
Christian
Nob end
Rodney
Eejiot
Pissing bollock nose
Self explanatory
George
Buffoon
Nigel
Obviously fucked
Cregg
Eat my buttocks
Jeremy
'Nuff said
Eugene
Your mum hated you for a reason, cockknuckle
Tarquin
cunt
Gerald
Hahaha... You poor prick
Joachim con Ribbentrop
Nice try bunghole
Sylvester
Obvious nad muncher
Cecil
Walking abortion
Gareth
Utter wanker buffoonery are you

now THIS is music..,

It's a scorcher!

the proof is in the pudding, and the pudding, in this case, is football. boof!

                   
                   
                   
                   
                

missing micio

As martin Luther said
 I had a micio
He was blanc with gris bits
Don't know where he came from
Not sure where he went
There was a house
That's a first
An ickle micio showed up and adopted me
But I had to move
The new one was kinda crappy
It had dirt floors
Debris all over the place
Hard to get into the room
Which somehow backed onto nuclear fusion landlady's one
My micio came with
he was grate
There was no light in your room
Which made things a bit tricky
I found an ickle window
Looking out onto yardish
There was another micio
Micio pequeno
Tutti pequenos!
But it wasn't my micio
And there was a micio in a tiny tub
A drowned micio!
Quel horreur!
With extra phlegmatico 3000
but upon hands of mystery tipping the tub up
The micio awoke!
And mao'd a bit
He was an aquatic micio!
Now who the hell had seen that coming
A fully functioning underwater micio!

theres no such thing...

As a brontosaurus

kyle a traves the lavatory glass

Kyle went for a swim
And never came back...

He was doing OK
Just hanging with his mates
In old skool formation
The old lineup
They were on form
Everything in its right place
Sure
Things could get a bit whiffy
But there was no question of sucking balls
Then one day
In his new home
Shelfing it up
He was sent hurtling
Down down and down
Into the pish et al
He managed to stay afloat
Probably...
Then was sent to his watery oblivion
Where he ended up nobody knows
But it was no doubt a pretty shitty city

out of orifice reply

Hi
I'm away from the orifice from 1/1/1 until precisely the moment hell starts to exist and then simultaneously freezes over, under and fosbury flops it. If you require assistance please contact your own arse via your back door man (rectangular with a wire mesh screen) or if its urgent call me on my cellulite fone on 0011gofuckyourself.
Much love and I hope your loved ones perish of consumption.
LB

i got the no keyboard blues

Yep
Have to write this on a tablet
Carved out of stone
With a chiselled jaw
but at least I'm not claiming that
God told me to
Or
That I'm his chosen person
(Fuck you)
Just humbly tap tap tapping away at me tablet
Carving out a reputation
Or a wave
Its laborious, snack breaking work
hardly given to fluid tgv of thought
Flowing pwose
Or any other such clap flap

anyone for tennis ball?

syncopated lavatories

'nuff said

for betta o worse

'fidel is like a big brother to the cubans' she said
'spanish is my first language' she said
she said so much crap
when there was no need
she had a girl called Troy
she had a man called Fabbo
he claimed to be a great skater
he claimed to have come from key land
he claimed to know the people behind bastard
he thought he was pretty damn great
she certainly agreed with him
their tiny kitchen's only natural light from was from the central light well
which was shit
they had smashed down two walls
at least to waist height
they had a tiny black tv
with a built in vcr
they had killing zoe on tape
their sojourn had a lovely big window
with huge white curtains that lit up in the sun and flowed in the breeze
she worked in a hopital
not a medical boney in her m
he probably worked in a bank
smash the state man
she wasn't stupid
but she sure didn't act very smart
she meant well
he meant well
he had an entire book in photocopy form
and a political bent
she had one too
but it was his

the news tonight is just...

israel kills civilians in gaza for the umpteenth time and thats just fine then apparently
the US says well done for killing them
hamas promises big war... evil fuckers for being angry about being royally rogered by an entire planet!
their religious shit is pretty damn fucked tho
egypt says israel are pricks, at last some fuckers are standing up to them!
another faceless prick takes over the role of china head despot..
US general patreaus sacked coz of shagging a chick, and thats a first for anybody in a position of power in gringolandia!
spanish, portuguese, italians and greeks peoples come out in massive numbers and protest hugely at being fucked by their governments in the name of racketeering banks
burma still-not-yet leader, super cool ang sung etc goes to india to trot out platitudes
argentinian navy ship detained in ghana coz they owe money to cayman island banks!  poor ickle banks with mo money!
obama craps on about deficit, a measly $1.5 trillion ...  trifling!
romney says more racist shit about black people and hispanics who were naughty not voting for his rightwing lunacy
and to finish it off, a woman in ireland dies because she couldn't get an abortion in ireland because it's a catholic country..


so the world is just peachy innit?

face off? no, it's beard off...

this semi-competent acting doofus and his completely, totally and utterly incompetent beard...