11 reasons i love you, bebe

1. your perfume makes me think of grief
2. you don t deny the armenian holocaust
3. you dont know how to make anzac biscuits
4. you make me smile, you make me laugh, give me your autograph
5. you never slept with lumiere
6. you never invaded russia in the winter
7. neither of your legs contain cheese
8. you know what a dead cat is
9. your eggs are always on the wrong side
10. you dont ask interpersonal questions
11. you dont tell lies about your past unless you are paid for it

sounds fishy...

Chakra-One of the seven centers of spiritual energy in the human body according to yoga philosophy. From ancient sanskrit...

chakras hey?
they are real then?
they play a vital part in our wellbeing do they?
not just some made up nonsense that sad hippies cling to?
it must be said the indians have been come up with some good stuff over the millenia...
i quite dig yoghurt
but placing my hand on my sternum and breathing deeply?
how exactly is that going to make me super-well?
there is a lot of horsehit out there in the 'alternative' medical world...
pyramids and crystals
vibrating tree gourds
trips to lourdes
donkey testicle icecream
reptilian overlords from outer space..
far be it from me to poo poo thousands of years of learning
but the distance is inexorably reducing
....
i have a suspicion that a chakra is really just an iced vovo with a jelly bean on top...

football? rigged? NEVER!

whats this?
your team needs another nine goals to win promotion?
there are only nine minutes remaining in the game?
ridiculously impossible!
but wait
this IS Brazil...

think you are looking a little stupid?

well you are right!

But you dont look half as daft as Chalio!
Chalio is/was a major entertainment figure in Guatemala and is possibly the most gormless appearing creature to walk the earth...

try guessing what he's thinking, it's not hard, nothing!

columbus=priest=cura=gold=duck=jehovis

Leon had something strange below him
you should have told him no
Oh jehovis, what you doing with that fro?
Now lunching pyres, midnight fryers
Things you should not know
Oh Jehovis, what you doing with that fro?
You don't suppose there'd
Be room in here somewhere for another bike
I think I just need
Someone's bikes space to reassure me
I don't blame shez or E, and I don't blame myself
Waiting for the smaller hair
It's going to sprout somehow
Oh Jehovis, I wish that you could just say 'ciao'
We don't posses a single micio here
Or mono-brow
Oh Jehovis, I wish that you could see the mao
You don't suppose there'd
Be room in here somewhere for another bike
I think you just need
Someone's friends to commit you
I can't change that awful smell, I can't change myself
Nige had something strange about him
He should have napalmed young fro
Oh Jehovis, what you doing with that fro?
You don't suppose there'd
Be room in here somewhere for another bike
I think I just need
Someone's therapist to reassure me
I cant help but blame you, but I don't blame myself
Jehovis

sick of being a monoglot?

so you wanna speak another language?
you wanna bang on in mandarin?
you wanna blurt out innapropriate things in catalan?
you wanna rant in quecha?
you wanna mass debate in welsh?
you wanna blather in xhosa?
you wanna you wanna you wanna etcetera?
its now sublimely easy, with limebeavers patented shiny shoed go fuck yourself method!
with our remarkable new technology we will get you boring others senseless with your ill-informed opinions in the language of our choice in no time!
but wait!
theres more!
our super efficent and efficacious methods will not only get your bigoted ideas across in the language etcetera, but it will also make your schlong longer *(if you dont have one, tough shit),make your hair shinier* (could be absolute crap), make you infinitely more attractive to the opposite sex *(not that theres anything wrong with that) and make your buttocks seven times firmer and eleven times smellier!
HOW!!!??? you scream
its easy, just send loadsa wonga in unmarked, mixed notes to the Limebeaver Intellect Advancement Rogering Service (LIARS) in your nearest regional centre that doesnt suck and we will send you our unique, kick back department of trousers device, really bloody soon, honestly!
if you dont partake in this offer we will send round our fatties and break your china doggy collection, TWICE!

she's your wife now dave...

the three evil step-sisters

once upon an etcetera there were three evil step-sisters
firstly there was the wicked conspiring vecchia
ooh she was bad
she turned an ocean into rancid scum topped puddles
she came and then she went
secondly there was grassa
her entire skeletal system was made of bad, bad bones
she danced the satanic dances of time
then disappeared into thin hair with a tiny little 'POOF'
only to return to rattle her chains from the great beyond
just the one rattle
but it was sinister indeed!
finally there was the most evil of all
brutta was her name and brutta was her game
she threaded strands of pure badness into her smock
then wore it about town with gleeful abandon
she drifted in, out and all about
and was finally burned at the stake on a remote cursed hillock

naw, just kidding, they were great guys....

so bored you google your own crap?

yes, me too...
and this is what blog directory www.blogrankers.com said about this here blog;
http://www.blogrankers.com/index.php?do=sitedetails&id=1237

''Description: ranting and raving of an articulate fringe dweller ...''

ha! so it seems somebody somewhere must have looked at this crap
and its pretty spot-on..

yours faithfully
dwelling on the fringe of robert smith
your unabomber without the bomber
dishevelledly hunkered feverishly in a hut in the outskirts your mind, ranting and raving (in)articulately at the all-conspiring universe
LB (or not)

well that fucking sucks

it does suck
it sucks large chunky ones
micio has fallen off the universal bike
he has kicked the intergalactic bucket
he has bought the transworld farm
yeah yeah yeah
and all that jazz
he was a tall chap
he was a furry gent
he was a chatty fellow
he was stretchy geezer
things hadnt been going that well
he had that whole cough thing happening
it was a the deal for a whlie
seemingly unchecked
at least a couple of months of horrid coughing
and then it stopped
shona said they had done stuff
but simon didnt seem so sure
simon then came over and picked him up
and then nothing
so the call was made a month later
and they think it is all over
and they are right...
he was the leader of the pack
but now hes gone
(and that fucking sucks)

AND!!!

what a blinding weekend
it was amazing
it was all about sex and drugs and rock'n'roll
admittedly there wasnt really any sex had
aaaanddd
well there werent actually any drugs involved
aaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnd
also, there wasnt a lot of rock'n'roll going on
but there was a shedload of AND

so a frenchman and a russian walk into tent on a raft...

On June 25, 1807, Tsar Alexander I travelled to Tilsit on the western border of the Russian empire to discuss peace with the Emperor of France, Emporer Napoleon I. To signify their equal status, they met on a raft moored precisely in the center of the Niemen River — the boundary between Russia and Europe.

So how did these two incredibly powerful emporers find common ground and agree to end the bloodshed that had killed hundreds of thousands of men?

When the Tsar met Napoleon he had one goal in mind: to find a peaceful solution that would benefit him. And the first thing he said to Napoleon in French was... "Sir, I hate the English as much as you do." And Napoleon said, "So we have made peace."

By mutual loathing of the English of course...

sogni persi o no?

sogni della morte
sogni della vita
sogni della felicita
sogni del articolo definito
sogni del bel paese
sogni della bella ragazza
sogni del ridicolo
sogni dei jeans blu
sogni di sale!
sogni della lingua sbagliata
sogni della corretezza
sogni della simplicita
sogni del accento giusto
su o giu
sogni di declenzione
sogni della parola esatta
sogni di si!
sogni di molto no
sogni di lei
sogni di lui
sogni dei cari
sogni dei denti
sogni della paura
sogni del tempo sbagliato
sogni della visione giusta
sogni della certezza
sogni realizzati
sogni di frustrazioni
sogni di un bel posto
sogni di tempo abbondante
sogni di te
sogni di me
sempre 'sti sogni

who's your favourite pavel?

1) pavel pogrebnyak



















2) pavel nedved

















3) pavel ploc









or do you have your own favourite pavel?

VOTE VOTE VOTE!!!
NOW NOW NOW!!!

voting is open until closing and votes are charged at a very reasonable $14.00 each.

unfinished barrel business

life is a barrel of monkeys
a nice royal blue one
with fake wood effects on the exterior
but not the interior
small let downs sometimes hurt the most
unscrew the top
clock or anti clock wizened
its up to you
they both work
and inside!!!!
a plethora of monkeys
a little on the flat side
but who gives a toss?
they have stamped faces, arms and feetsies
theres a red one
theres a blue one
theres another blue one
theres a yellow one
theres a red one
theres another yellow one
and a blue one
whats This?!!!
ABOMINATION!
a green one???!!!
oh sorry it was just the light refracting erroneously
its blue as blue can be
and thats pretty blue
if you like they can hook arms
so you can make a monkey chain
not a daisy chain
twat!
you can make a little monkey chain
or a big fuck off monkey chain
liberty of choice is a marvellous thing
decades of wholesome existential chain fun with a barrel of monkeys
your life that is
brought to you by the non existent folk at God's Everything Is Lovely Family Toy inc.
unless you god the crap version
a toilet of monkeys...

nauru; a crap island

no really, it is... here they are digging it up to sell it to buffoons

diamond geezer

alright guvna, got a new motor? cackle, cackle...

it's all relative

IT is all relative
but to whom?
brothers or hermanas?
cugini or uncles?
fils or abuelos?
genitori or nipoti?
or just that second cousin twice removed that nobody wants to talk about?
you know the one
you have one
everybody has one
in particular royalty has hordes of 'em
the one that was locked up in top room of the tower
the biggest tower
with the darkest, windingest and ricketiest staircase
the one that if you asked about
you got shushed into an undignified silence
and great aunt bertrice came over all queer and had to go powder her nose
the tv presenters deranged half brother
the pop singers cow bothering father
the sports stars sister that ate all the pies
and then threw them up on direct, live, streaming and podcast interglobal tv
the poor wan child who
try as he might just couldnt jump the whole puddle
let down his parents and got muddy water splashed all over his knee high socks
or maybe IT is you?

Les truly is more

he's a rager not a fighter baby...

Belin! From the ridiculous to the sublime

Do you want some ruffle with that?
Ritratto di Brigida Spinola Doria by Pieter Paul Rubens, Genova 1606...
(click on it to make it bigger and prettier)