cafe limbo mimbo

this just in last week
limbo doesn't exist any more
dammit what am i going to do now?
that really is a blow
i was so hoping to get there and hang out for a bit
as i haven't been battistutad
it could have been a larf
me and all those poor ickle infants
not to mention how many billion infidels
i was just warming to the idea
and then poof
it simply ceases to exist
just coz some git in a white dress says so
fair play to him
at least he said it an groovy language
allora, first there was limbo
on which i was just about to
base my entire outlook on life/death
it was integral
but now its not
its gone
it was deemed uncool
how can a place exist
and then just cease to exist?
imagine if you could do that with earthly realms
boronia no longer exists
bogon bastardi
coz i said it when wearing my dress
ciao ciao new zealand
what ARE you on about?
get bent adelaide
and stop fucking saying ay all the fucking time
whoops there goes large chunks of 'god bless america'
no explanation required
unfortunately for all those superior french people
france didnt make the cut
anywhere where a horrid little worm man might be found
well that will cease to exist
and he fall into a big pit of nasty stuff
the grounds of the ex ringwood high school
scum dwellers
jakana has gone
it may have never been there at all...
and unfortunately for 1 billion odd people
india isnt there any more
camel made me do it
a thousand apologies
and beavis' butt
the world will be a much better place without reginald
and for the the coup of grace
israel is gone
it was a stupid idea in the first place
guilt will make people and nations do ridiculous things
but where to put a few million people?
no more napalm
no more cia
no more wounded knee
no more really really old oranges

vortex appears unleashed by the crash

sure it does odessa

Like a tost

Allora,
Ciao slave to the economist come stai?
STTE:
Bene,bene,bene, o male, male, male ?
STTE:
Che fai di bello?
STTE:
Wow! thats not the shorts i got from the factory!
STTE:
e gli studi, adesso devi aspettare fino a giugno?
STTE:
Allora, perche non vieni qui in Australia per un pochino?
STTE:
Vabbe, ci vediamo al Melbourne Airport Martedi...
STTE:
cmq, credi che esista un dio?
STTE:
Secondo me, adesso che c'e Grande Fratello di Merda ecc, la gente non ha bisogno di una distrazione del genere.
STTE:
No, no non ho una ragazza al momento, e tu, la solita flotta di ammiratori?
STTE:
Ma, sei modesta quanto sei carina!
STTE:
ahhh grazie, hai ragione questa maglietta blu mi fa sembrare gli occhi piu blu...
STTE:
Adesso devo andare a prepare la cena...
STTE:
sure baby, chissa, forse potremmo anche parlarci veramente in msn prima o poi...
STTE:
baci
STTE:
now im on a bus to ciudad del mexico!
STTE:

how to fight lavatories

you just smile all the time...

Fuck you right in the ear......

Alcohol's running a bit low
You were sick all over yours, and you accused me of being sick all over mine
Yes, I remember, I had the lasange
Always fade out, in a montage
I'm almost with you, I can sense you'll ruin this song for me
Moaning between headjobs
Jimbo boy, you're a crock of shit, you're a booze selfish thug, why don't you give your mouth a go, and in the other hole stick a plug
I've discharged my responsibilities Neil, now I suggest you discharge yours
I had to, I was drunk
Bambi goes ape crazy with Beavis and weapons
Good old Collingwood forever, we know how to play the game
Hum a few bars and I'll kick your head in
200 pounds of durex please....., oh sorry, force of habit
travis and bob head
slots
ronery

That's all I can think of for now, but I know we could go on ripping other funny people off forever, and applying it in new and much funnier circumstances ;-)

ooh im very fucking happy

oh yeah, thats just fab
fuck them all
right in several ears

this sepository lifestyle...

faff about heavily
to drive
to park
to bike
to park you bike?
to roll models
stand over there
that will achieve something
probably not
but how will the wotsit work in this light?
will my howsit flare up in that seating arraignement?
will it be the same without lady F's critical appraisal?
arghghghgh
go and search advice from a higher being
snigger snigger
none the wiser
but much more mooksier
and with an abundance of fag
fear not fools
the tamer of leon is here
he of the munchie delivering
he of the hole drilling
he of the bike fixing
help desking eyecandyvis
so its to be rock and recoil
all the way to the SBFplanade
nearby to the place where the frik once lay
only to find 2 people
with 1 table
and 1 view
and isn't it so lovely
as damon said
as somebody else scrawled on primrose hill
and as ANGALA fixxxed up
twas luvverly it was
a people wotching
a birru quaffing
a butfooneering
but the view
the setting sun
the seaside i love to be beside
the cracking company
and the snacking company
i luvs a bit of inter reaction
not bloody inter milan
they bite
massimo moratti can go dig anther whole
vaffanculo

it looks like your head will fall off

please dont turn your head so fast
it looks like it will fall off
at least thats what old geezer-san thinks
the sushi seems to be a little disappointing
not like we had in old tanaka town
somehow he imagined more
from the booth on the right
with the beer coloured glass
to the row of tables down the wall
much humble bowing and scraping
many small words were used
but it was empty for the most
ahhh there may be a story in there somewhere

OLD 2

what is the deal?
with all this old
its all over the place
sure, theres no crime in old
but why on my watch?
i just happen to not be a huge fan of old
i dont hold it against anyone
but its just not my bag baby
alas it seems i am olds bag
and old wants to get its bag and shake it all up
why why and wherefore
what is the deal?
what makes old hunt me down like a wounded goat in a forest?
dammit old
settle down
i hold no grudge
in some strange way its flattering
but is stated before
nothing to do with my bag
wherever next will old lay in wait for me?
in the gaze of a stranger?
under a baby in a pram?
in a PUB?
its not like im asking for it
is it?
Am I?
maybe its the lazy tennis ball ?
maybe its the oh so moral high ground?
could it be the abjectionables?
fuggered if i know...
im going to start a petition
right here
right now
with jesus jones in tow
say no to old
say go to old
say woe to old
say moe to old
and i said Leonard Cohen

OLD

looks kind of symmetrical doesn't it?

I think I'm a lady but....

I think i'm a lady
But I use the word fuck

I think i'm a lady
But I only use manners when I have to

I think i'm a lady
But I am not offended by the word cunt

I think i'm a lady
But I hate make up

I think i'm a lady
But what the fuck do ladies do?

I hate dressing up, I hate pretending to be what i'm not
Is that ladylike?

I think ladies are false and pretentious
So why do men want you to act that way?

What's wrong with being laid back?
What's wrong with being yourself?
What's wrong with finding humour in freakish things?
What's wrong with society?

What's not.

some more americans shoot each other, piffle

oh no
that didnt really work out how i was hoping
it wasnt an american shooting other americans
it was a south korean shooting americans
thats all right then...
so theres no need to change the gun laws to make it tougher to get guns
if anything there needs to be more guns around
as a few geni have suggested
if only i could go to the usa to live
then i could get shot a lot more
i knew something was sorely missing in this existence

so only one south korean did that?
well knock me down with a baffle board
he was probably a lovely chirpy child
before he moved there
then he became a pathetic hateful ignorant obsessed twat
just like a couple of hundred mill other
its something like a straaaaaaaaaaaange phenomenon
that happens primarily in one country
couldnt possibly be anything to do with free guns for all
thatd just be daft
now if the other turds had guns safely stored in their pencil cases
they could have shot that kid before he shot them
and if the teacher had napalm hidden under his elbow patches
that would have sorted everything out before it got started
if the dean had cluster bombs
well, thatd would be much safer
rooooobot house!
and the cleaners
if they had been sensibly equiped with flame throwers
for cleaning up and such
all this carnage would never have taken place
not to mention the gardeners
if only half of them had land mines planted as far as they eye could see
they could have tempted that kid onto the garden and saved everybody
and the really really important private security service guys/fake police
if they had been given just a couple of tactical nukes...
itd be like having cucumber sandwiches on the lawn
not to mention the life guards at the pool
why they werent equipped with ICBMs to launch from the paddle boards is beyond me
is this supposed to be the greatest country in the worrrrld?
and who left the cheerleaders without even a single grenade?
on quiet days they could use them as pyrotechnics between ads
its lunacy
and whats the point of burning all the books if the librarians cant have a lazy few surface to air missiles?
that kid might have shown up on a jetpack....
dammit if this country doesnt get more guns,
how will we ever get anybody to take us seriously as a pretend bit of america?
its just not good enough to join in stupid ill conceived wars, boycot international treaties to save the planet, treat your citizens like dirt and demonise asylum seekers and the indigenous and ram our pathetic neo christian values down everybodies throats....
fuck you, make a fucking effort

confetti

He kinda
shoulda
sorta
woulda
gone to the lemonheads gig
if he could've

but he didnt and it sucked

what's so great about the british class system

fucking nowt

the day that arthur made it to the POW

while it was not strictly necessary
it was strictly fun
somebody had already being playing the field
there were broken bits everywhere
some shouting and carrying on
charmed im not so sure
not pulled up genes
and a lairy canary
chaperoned by a laydee
a lightly peppered playground
some freaks staring in blurry box of moving shapes
fancy thatvis
south Jerusalem was 24 knots up on the murray dowling footrubbers
and the Inca flebiles were looking good to underthrow the fiefdom of stupidity
a sign on the wall said nothing at all
but someone is on the wayyyy out
the limp bar was deserted
then came the parkway express
and then some big bloke with silly hair
and some silly bloke with big hair
with a gaggle of giggle
somebody fell short
somebody ran off
somebody had no humourarse
nobody had a spotted beck
a loud declaration of disprezza
rounded up with an awful lot of standing around
funny that

the biggest bunghole

bog off skinny dippers
this is just bloody silly
fat bastard number 61
please step up and remove your smalls
wow, thats unpleasant
last week you stank
this week you reek
fat bastard number 22
please peel back your toenails
wow, thats rank
last week you were popular
this week you are a disaster area
fat bastard number 1034
please shave off your tache
wow, thats plain ugly
last week you denied parentage
this week its beyond you
fat bastard number 38
please have that operation
wow, your earhole is puny
last week you drank someones urine
this week you will drink liquid football
fat bastard number 89
please unfold your wings
wow, thats crusty
last week you failed your exams
this week your pelvic splanchnic ganglyon will be removed
fat bastard number 666
please return to earth as armageddon is imminent
wow, sulphur toasties all round
last week you knobbed saddam hussain
this week you see flowers bloom
up there.......

The day Kerryn wrote the blog.......

It's all right if you love me
It's all right if you don't
I'm not afraid of you running away
Honey, I get the feeling you won't

There is no sense in pretending
Your eyes give you away
Something inside you is feeling like I do
We've said all there is to say

Baby breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right Breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right

I just thought that up myself.......

well that solves the mystery of the mystery

what an incredible series of mysteries to solve...
the mystery of the text message
the mystery of the phone calls
the mystery of the strange sensations
the mystery of the curry on the cupboard
the mystery of the jellybotty
the mystery of the bruises that have yet to arrive
the mystery of the fondled foot
the mystery of the blah blah blah
the mystery of the facial hair
the mystery of the nationality of the waitress
the mystery of the british political climate
the mystery of the lying about feeling seedy
the mystery of the stolen music
the mystery of the busted diet
the mystery of the ill feeling towards people in the outer
the mystery of the calls register feature
the mystery of the empty bottles
the mystery of the cant be arsed cooking anything much
the mystery of the lungs arguing
the mystery of the papers unfurling
the mystery of the scratched disc
the mystery of the lionel impersonator
the mystery of the spelling of mystery
the mystery of the cold breadheads
the mystery of the fishy sensations
the mystery of the the fumbled vocabulary
the msytery of the chilled arms
the mystery of the furtive limebeaver
the mystery of the outside world
the mystery of the mysoginy
the mystery of the calls not made
the mystery of the irrational discourse
the mystery of the great big mess
the mystery of what ever the fuck comes next
umm no...

yoshimi beats erik up

about bloody time

let me take you down to goatberry mound and the lamb and flag

sure we did
going for a pootle
driving thru
without the necessary permits
cant be arsed with them
crusing on down by the seaside
ahh the parm trees
strangely out of place
look
a mound
no, no, no
thats not it
thats a mound
not the mound
just up here
in an inconvenient place
yep, thats the puppy
quite a mound that one
good for all kinds of things
first discovered by a browsing bob
someones legs nearly fell off
that was a bad thing apparently
righty dokey
got that out of the system
then heading for the other landmark
the lamb and flag
it has been a long time
not necessarily a good time
if only that hairy bloke was wandering the streets
sigh
drag up a couch
not much has changed
a bit less of that
a bit more of this
then a bit of sooooonshine
with beervis in it
very plej
careful he might hear you
tell a tale of a pale snail
and whoppstopp
it shows
and for my next trick
i will conjure a floating marshmallow pit