rokuen are rude

 

if you are so lucky as to go to japan

you must go to

the ancient capital of nara

just outside

the ancient capital of kyoto

the temples are magnificent

to stumble about and admire

in the serene beautifully curated gardens

and if you are a sucker tourist

you can by some biscuity rokuen food

from the kindly looking elders with their stands

to feed to the masses of sweet looking rokuen that hang about 

waiting for suckers to feed them

this particular sucker was all in

handed over his yen

and proceeded to be mugged

by those (ridiculously aggressive) sweet looking rokuen

and left dazed and shaken

with scratches and bite marks all over

クソ野郎ども！

obelix lo storico

vedete?

aveva ragione obelix

e voi credevate che obelix fosse un rimbambito...

eeee sono ancora pazzi

due milleni dopo...

worst mr men character ever

watch out!

mr ebola is about!

To Live (有時讓其死去)

ever wondered how life was for normal people in china in the second half of the 20th century?

then watch this fab film!

it includes-

civil war lunacy

limps

being cold

tumultuous societal upheaval

chairman mao type get ups by the truckload

chopsticks

zero western 'saviour' types

small town politics gone mental communist dogma style

great leaps

yfel ræfn−an ne forcýðan!

 

ye olde gaheth!

pax romain?

all round hunk and kick arse fitballer

Olivier Giroud 

v

the other one

Romain Giroud

commentaire de l'année?

jean-jacques francois jacques jean

 

aka jj frankie jj de shoresy

le nom francais le plus canon de tous le temps?

yucky soba!

 

the experts warned us not do it

they spelled out all the risks

of our dna's tendency to mutate

they cautioned of the fabled evil spaghetti monsters of yore

the compromised politicians equivocated

as big noodle undermined the science

yet humankind is heedless and dissolute

and inevitably

someone

somewhere

(possibly in the summertime)

eventually surrendered to wheaty temptation

and shagged a packet of ramen

oh the fidelity!

έχουν ένα σημείο εκεί!

these greek newspaper peoples 

dont seem too pleased with sunaks prevarication

about the rightful return of the Γλυπτά του Παρθενώνα

from the twitish museum

aka imperial kleptocrats playpen

aka historical theft-based meme generation phenomenon

Threads - its the feel good hit of the (nuclear) winter!

it was really was grim up north...

(and everyfuckingwhere else)

upside down beer drinker

fascinating bloke that

full of riveting tales

useful life lessons

and witty banter

BELCH!

tanti ragazzi, una coppa di merda 28

 

the COP 28 (Cuntiness Of Parasites) is being held in the UAE (Unending Arab Emptiness) 

a country that is filthy rich from selling shit to burn

in a region that owes its entire wealth to selling shit to burn

what could possibly go wrong?

with the host country's grand fromage

and event host

sultan scrotey al arseface

being able to straight-facedly claiming that

 there is “no science” indicating that a phase-out of fossil fuels is needed to restrict global heating

 without shitting his galabeya into low earth orbit from suppressed laughter

business as per fucking usual allora...

il mare crudele - la luna di miele e finita (almeno per me)

non sarà mai più così...

mi dispiace tex e ragazzi

non ce lo potevo fare

ad assistere al concerto per il (fucking!) 30esimo anniversario

ci ho voluto tanto

infatto ne ho pagato abbastanza

ma non doveva esserci

oh, non è più divertente

non so cosa dire...

stunningly salacious EURO 2024 draaaoooooh si!

(with supplementalary sibilant syllabary) 

seen at the recent selection for euro 24 soccer shindig

the smug supercilious self saluting scumbags

of UEFA (Utterly Egregiously Fucking Avaricious) 

had to suffer a saucy soundtracking scenario

suca!

Neco z Alenky (ne Karla)

a czechy kind of alice

with animal skulls

and all kinds of cool old skool trickery

a gothy kind of alice

with sunglasses at night

and black, black kit

palazzo del cazzo

 

si

e un palazzo

quindi?

🤷

il sacrilegio fruttifero

a me non mi dispiace l'ananas sulla pizza

a lui invece...

la cumbia parces...

 

recientemente yo fui a un concierto de cumbia

y lastima! no estuve en santa marta!

pero

me lo disfruto mucho

es musica que he oido varias veces en mi vida

como salsa, tango, reggaeton (brrrr), mariachi, ranchera y varias musicas andinas de flautas

cuando estuve en las paises de america latina

a decir la verdad

tambien si me gustaron las musicas tradicionales de latam

era come parte de la experiencia de estar en una cultura 

nunca me han golpeado al corazon

(o a las nalgas)

pero cuando vi que una parcera bumanguesa cantaba con un grupo cumbia

tenia muchas ganas a experimentarla otra vez

yyyy

fue genial!

como parte del show

explicaron la historia de cumbia

con imagines instructivas en una pantalla grande

y si vestieron en ropa tradicional

sobre todo las mujeres un sus vestidas multi coloradas y spectaculares

Hicieron un gran esfuerzo para animar al público a subir a la pista de baile

y bailar a la musica

todo eso creo la buena onda y una occasion jubilosa

y con latinos varios en el publico

lograron a crear un pequeno rincon de ambiente colombiana

en el otro lado del charco

(mas grande al mundo)

y obviamente la estrella del espectaculo

fue la parcera bumanguesa bacana!

epa!

HENERAL LUNA - hindi, hindi at hindi na muli

did they put the H in the title to help monoglots pronounce it correctly?

i really wanted to like this movie

we dont get a lot of pino movies that have a half decent budget

and always up for seeing an underdog kicking the big bad imperial farkers

its a great tale

and the actors arent utterly terrible

the period military outfits look goodish (but inexplicably clean) too

but

it just looks cheap

therefore unconvincing

and the cliches have all the subtlety 

of a 10 metre cucaracha

shitting appropriately sized turds

all over your breakfast cereal of choice

the mighty and rabble rousing patriotic Heneral hero

the complicated love interest/red cross heroine

the evil scheming politicians selling out the MAN

the selfless (ketchup covered) sacrifices of the loyal pino soldiers

is it shitfully awful?

hindi

is it a chunky let down?

ay oo!

spider pig gran premio

SPIDER PIG

SPIDER PIG

Does whatever a SPIDER PIG does

looking forward to new formula uno race

in 'the meadows'

*cough cough*

(the most egregious case of toponomic wishful thinking yet?)

on its unique spider pig configuration...

LOOK OOOUUUTTT!!!!

He is a SPIDER PIG!!

melfed rhyngwladol (Live at the 1999 Rugby World Cup Opening)

tugs on the old llinynnau calon innit?

every day i wake up

and thank the lord im welsh...

on thees day - 8th november

on this day in 1923

in a sweaty beerhall

in munchin', deutschlandia

a pathetic little twat 

who may or not have had one ball

a stupid moustache

a rather natty dress sense

who was a crap artist

a rather un'woke' attitude to ethnicity

and some rather weighty mummy issues

tried to take over the nation

and failed

ha!

alas

in the not too distant future

he did manage to take over the country

and helped the eurotrash outdo their estimable previous mass murder record

following on the 'war to end all wars'

with the biggest shiniest bloodiest war yet

and a little genocide along the way...

the secret ingredient?

啤酒撒尿！

Ixcanul - o el k'iche' no es un plato frances

al lado de un vulcan 

en supercool guatelandia

vive una pequena comunidad maya

en la pobreza tipica de la gente indigena en el mundo

la hija adolescente debe casarse con el jefe de la mayorista de cafe

del que depende 

el bienestar de la familia de aparceros

pero...

es una peli utziil!

parce que nous sommes tous les adultes matures

surtout les gens de la science

maintenant je vais ranger ma cape

et rentrer dans mon vaisseau spatial fait de gorgonzola

bahahahaha

 

Suburra no murra

'Il quartiere più popolare dell'antica Roma, fra il Quirinale, il Viminale, il Celio e l'Appio, socialmente ‘male abitato’; lett., il quartiere più sudicio e malfamato di una grande città.'

quindi siamo di nuovo alla fine di una serie geniale

mi mancarete,

 

aure- il bell protagonista tormentato con gli occhi belli

spadi- il losco zingaro crestato ma (quasi) simpatico

cina- il politico calvo idealista che si corrompe

ange- la bella magra zingarina che si cresce molto in fretta

mona- la signora chi lavoro col diavolo e organizza le festone di puttane e droghe

samurai- il fucking duro capo (ma non dei capi) mafioso

gabri- il bel giovane figlio di polizzoto con il male dentro

ed gli altri...

daje raga!

Sean says you were born out of wedlock!

 

how would you prefer to pronounce his name?

seen been?

shawn bawn?

sharnt carnt?

either way he has a mighty fine yorkshirian way of using the adjective

little mister muppet

sat on his derrick

eating of sand and oil....

 

Syk pike or Norwegians can be disgraceful too (again)

så tullete!

she isnt quite The worse person in the world (also quality)

but shes fucking annoying!

havent yet got sick of matt s tho...

no, no... thats ignorant!

pling pling

shamone!

broken obelix

it felt kinda maleducato walking all over the big man ...

celles ci, elles sont des pipes

 

les pipes de chiotte!

is that what jarvis was on about?

But I've kissed your mother twice

And now I'm working on your dad...

When We Was Fab

ma perche?

perche si...

hey mister bass man

get the fucking night bus home!

(see what i did there?)

push it real good

something

something 

nutter

leggy leggy leggy leggy etc part 2

 

Jacks Laddered Medias

jack ladder is a tall, curious chap

and makes lovely and interesting music

his real name is the appalling 'tim rogers'

so thankfully he went for a nom d'art

not that long ago i had tix to see him

one of which was bought for some fucker who virtually disappeared

ciononostante

i was up for seeing him superhans

so i rocked up appropriately late for the gig

only to learn that there were THREE support acts

and jacks back wouldnt be on until stupid oclock

way too laticle for this olde geezer!

thus

i finished my pint on the rickety chair on the steetside

tried and failed to flog the tix online

and fucked right off 

many sheckles poorer

without even spying the lanky streak of musicianship

cheers then jackson

check you next time you are B.I.T

and playing at an appropriate hour at a geriatric residence 

in my rather particular fenetre

ps upside discovered when an acquaintance informed that it was a a bit shit

Kin-dza-dza!

a marvellously mental soviet sci fi film

apparently full of soviet allegories, boh!

chock full of Chatlians and Patsaks

Gravitsappas and Pepelats

and ominous Tranklucators

on the planet Pluke

get this genius into your eye holes 

and a big fucking koo to you!

Vatican Girl: O, quegli stronzi di ladri assassini

ci sono tre conclusioni abbastanza ragionevoli, e in tutti i tre il vaticano e coinvolto e colpevole... fdps!

ben detto obi wan

Alla ricerca di Nemo -- non tuo...

non so perche, ma in italiano questo mi ha sempre fatto ridere

boh!

withnail and eye

a brilliant film

brilliantly deconstructed here:

https://shows.acast.com/comfort-blanket/episodes/withnail-i-with-jim-howick

If you're listening ed, give us a tale...

 

ever the humble hero

(mit einem Augenzwinkern)

ed k claimed that on the 8th of november 1989

the night before berlin wall fell

he played in west berlin

and was a catalyst for the the events that followed

he went on to tell us that on that particular evening 

when he changed the whirllld

he got his fans to wave their lighters around

and do a big old sing-along

kum bay fucking ya ed!

and that as times have changed

best we get out our mobilies and shine them about instead

and maybe

just maybe 

we could feel some of those bags of change

from that fateful night!

nice one ed!

for those knot in the no

ed is the greatest (germano)/strayan rocker of all time

a driving force behind the earliest australian punk band of note

the saints

(who predated the famed blimey spitty band everybody is familiar with)

and has released an outstanding body of work in the decades since

and still knows how rock out

vielen dank herr kuepper!

wtf lah?

 

apparently in a recent week

there were 1.25K readers of this blog

from the tiny island nation of singapore

something, something rotten fishies...

ive never set foot in singapore proper

although ive spent many hours in the delightful singapore airport

on several occasions

its the loveliest airport of all

(admittedly a diabolically feeble competition)

plentiful comfy couches, tvs with fitba, waterfalls, mini forests

its absolutely lush

but considering this blog has (understandably) averaged exceedingly low numbers

(probably about none)

over 17 fucking years

this sudden upturn in readership from singapore

is spectacularly dubious

wtf lah?

THE PLATFORM - obvio

que filmazo

si es un hoyo

un gran bel hoyo

pero en ingles

se llama la plataforma

que podria ser definido como el opuesto!

aquellos locos anglofonos!

es un film obscuro

a veces sangriente

y tienso

y un headfuck total!

pero deja de decir pinche 'obvio!'

The world's WORST place names

all fine and good

but what about sweatiwartibollockslandia?

or...

word of the weak - retromingency

Noun

retromingency (uncountable)

The characteristic of urinating backwards, present in certain animals.

Theme from Banger F.C.

nb. not just mark e smith and your granny on bongos

the fall put out all kinds of songs over their epic career

(even more than former band members!)

with plenty of it being fucking hard work

(unless you are are a HARDcore suffering-for-my-arty-type fanster)

and there have been numerous that banged

perhaps none moreso than theme from sparta fc

a contrarian to the end

mark smiths skillz with lyricz

were truly formidable

and his ever revolving carousel of sidepeoples

knew how to crank out quality tunes 

before he made their tenure unbearable

and they joined the wikipedia list

of the fallen

and they left us with an intimidatingly impressive oeuvre...

heres looking at your cheap synthetic jacket

les bleus ou les blueueueueues?

pendant qu'on parle de foot...

ouaip, c'est genial!

aussi les femmes savent jouer au foot...

bish bash BOSH!

out of the way pasty puny attention seeking scrote!

map tiwb Llundain yn brythonig

rhufeinwyr dwp, sacsoniaid anglo, normaniaid ac ati!

fel y dywedai alan partridge-

Ewch i Lundain, rwy'n gwarantu y byddwch naill ai'n cael eich mygio neu ddim yn cael eich gwerthfawrogi. Daliwch y trên i Lundain, gan aros yn gwrthod, siomiant, cefn drywanu ganolog a parcffordd breuddwydion chwalu. 

potuit haberet, haberet, debet haberet no. 7 volubilis

 

quando ero in morroco

visitando il grand amico ismael

e migliorando il mio francese

volevo visitare tutto

(come sempre)

volevo andare nel sud

e vedere i capri negli alberi

e vedere agadir

a marrakech

la citta turistica piu famosa del paese

(e ci sono stato per una mezz'ora nei sobborghi)

(efuckingviva!)

ma immaginavo che almeno avrei potuto visitare a volubilis

che e vicino a meknes

e avevo progetti di andare a meknes!

volubulis e la rovina di una citta antica berbera/romana

dal terzo secolo!

era facile da visitare da meknes

come una escursione di un giorno

e avevo un giorno libero 

prima di andare al grande tour alla sahara etc

 

ma

non stavo benissimo

e non potevo rischiare a perdere le grande tour

quindi non ci sono andato

queste scelte mi uccidono

l'ho rischiato in sri lanka

ed e andato bene

ma non si fucking sa mai..

sic vale volubilis!

Feathers or Mentalists in Egypt

tough times in old cairo town

but parents get their kid a magic show for his birthday party

the fam are all there

plus some seedy types from dads work

THEN

the magician turns dad into a chicken!

or does he?

they seek him high and low, low, low

but theres only the clucking chicken!

even the magician is baffled...

يا للقرف!

Nairobbery Half Life

country boy with dreams of actordom

goes to nairobbery to make good

immediately gets literally shaken down for EVERYTHING

falls in with local gangsters

things get hasty

things get tasty

things get nasty

things never get pasty

fuck visiting nairobbery for a giggle

mambo? 

jambo? 

boa!

boeing sont des vrais salauds de menteurs

https://www.edpierson.com/podcast

il vaudrait la peine de boycotter ces batards?

c'est sur de voyager dans leurs avions?

je ne sais pas

mais ils sont les grands fils de putain corporatifs muertriers 

Jesus Built My Banger

Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true...

back in the land of late 20th century bangers

al jorgensens main gig was ministry

and it was heavy, heavy ministering

a lot of it was a bit too industrial for mine

but this particular banger was monstrously catchy

deserving of maximum volume at ALL times

so

grab a beer

put this tune on your music machine of choice

crank it up to max power 

and jump about like a deranged medieval jester on a spectacular dosage of drugs

hey nonny nonny, yeah fuck it!

french bell end famous for climbing up big things

and taking photos of himself

dies by falling off big thing

that he was climbing up

to take a photo of himself

🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷

there aint no party...

 ...like an etruscan crockery party

existen los idiomas asquerosos?

hace mucho tiempo yo creia que el espanol fuera feo

ya hablaba el italiano y el espanol me parecia italiano equivocado y malhecho

tambien crei que german era gutural y estridente

quizas era por haber visto demasiado peliculas sobre la segunda guerra mundial 

donde los alemanos eran siempre los (muuuuy) malvados

y el ruso tambien me cayo siempre mal

tal vez por razones similares (la media y su lenguaje sobre la guerra fria)

el chino me parecia siempre feo y poco fluido

otra vez era porque mi era acostumbrado al japones

donde casi todas las palabras terminan con un vocale

ahora con mas exposicion a ellos

me encantan todos!

la moraleja de esta cuenta?

la belleza linguistica es totalmente subjectivo....

El Odio - ¿Todo va bien?

la haine es una de las mas fuerte peliculas grabado

y se trata del ODIO

y los problemas 'raciales' en la francia moderna

de los minoridades - los arabes/ musulmanes, los africanos subsaharanios, y lo judeos

que se encuentran en francia en la mayoria por el colonialismo frances

este video se demuestra los desafios que enfrentan

en una manera genial

et non, tout ne va pas bien

pas du tout!

the committee of public safety

 

great name for a punk band that...

much better than the toxic vomit executives

amazing that nobody is using it already

(apparemment il n'y a meme pas en france!)

now i just need to find a bunch of cool, talented people

who can rock out and who are happy to give me a hefty cut for naming rights

for the lucre spinning global juggernaut

it will inevitably become

ca devrait etre super simple...

il parco sud e' forte ancora

si fa abbastanza tempo che il parco sud non mi ha fatto ridacchiare

ma questa puntata mi ha fatto ridere, e come

il principe di canada 

sua moglie famosa

e la loro lotta per la PRIVACY!

being boiled (in a сумка) by the human league

in a gorgeous piece of futurist sci fi distopia

some genius came up with the idea of mashing 

human leagues first single

((before they got all romantico nuevo and conquered the galaxy

(hell, even duran duran were interesting at the beginning))

with footage from the 70s soviet sci fi movie

Otroki vo vselennoy

(teens in the universe)

dig those funky glasses!

beyond the infinite two minutes OR adventures within the droste effect

time travel!

yakuza baddies!

stash of stolen cash!

charming japanese kookiness!

oozing ketchup bottle from stab wound!

general temporal confusion!

素晴らしい!

word of the week - callipygian

 m heh heh...

l'art moderne?

c'est un pièce de pisse...

¿Por cuánto dinero se vendió el microscópico bolso Louis Vuitton?

 el bolso, que es más pequeño que un grano de sal, se ha vendido por 63.750 gringo dólares!

nop,nop, aqui no pasa nada absurdo...🙄

coz im gone in the head!

 

did he suckseed?

did he get swept off to iceland?

did he heed the sirens call?

was he trapped in a box by a cockney nutjob?

and whats the deal with those ludicrous oars?

boh!

We won't listen to the lizard part of our brains...

... giving us orders

it turns out that the whole reptilian part of our brain tale is bunkum

critters that became humans diverged from critters that became reptiles long before 

there was any kind of lizard brain

another hoary old pistacchio 

like sex addiction

trickle down economics

and anything ayn rand espoused

giving us pre cooked excuses

for being cunts

has caught the last fiery skidoo 

to bullshit land

and disappeared in the cosmic cloud of eternal horseshit

l'imperialisme, pas merci...

 

we come in peace...

 

shoot to kill

shoot to kill...

What's it gonna beeeee?

 

lovely old theatre

plenty of grey hair and bald pates

y dos paisas

yes

it was the church

le saint? empire? romain?

'Ce corps qui s'appelait et qui s'appelle encore le saint empire romain n'était en aucune manière ni saint, ni romain, ni empire.'- Voltaire

Voglio una donna!

e non sei proprio l'unico caro zio teo!