a raffica!

 

A Brief Disagreement O, Todo Bien!

mieeeercoles

eramos, somos y siempre seremos jodidos

suerte entonces!

a girl named dennis

i used to work with dennis

she had curly blondish hair

and silver hoop earrings

she was in her early to mid 20s

but seemed so adult to me

she knew about all kind of work stuff

like macros, franking and that the boss wore a wig

she had a boyfriend with a balkace name

who sounded like a real shit

they lived near handschuhseim

dennis didnt get cranky at me

even though i was a totalmente squillibrato

in fact she was kind of fond of me

as if i were a fun but pesky little brother

her real name was janice

pronounced janəce

but

in that age of faxes for all

people kept taking her name as janiːce

and using it as such in follow up calls

so in an attempt to make it clearer she changed the spelling to janece

only for

much to her horror

some bloke rings up and asks for dennis

making her forever dennis

in my yo la tengo

dennis wasnt cool

but dennis was pretty damn cool

il loro cane e' un pollo

da documentario ora!

ancora piu prova che fred armisen e' un fucking genio pazzesco

you might feel a little prick

 

Portlandia rocks!

i am getting very stressed out that the head of our school doesnt know about neu!

Била једном једна земља or Underground (no wombling required)

the birth, brief life and death of a nation

via ww2, the cold war and the disintegration of yugoslavia

combined with all flavours of whackiness

soooo much going on here...

en train de Ella a Kandy

nb this blog does not endorse the opinions or the accents of the participants

tis pretty though innit?

que mundo (aliado) de mierda

el egoismo puro? si!

el sentido comun? no!

el interes propio? si!

el amor a tu vecino? ni pienses!

el pinche dinero bebe? clarooooo!

el bien estar de todos? que tonteria!

a pleasant smell that frequently accompanies...

... the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather

'estoy seguro que la palabra piscina no es como en italiano'

Érase una vez en Caracas

un non gringo que hablaba italiano y aprendia lentemente espanol

en la casa de sus queridos amigos

el contaba a su pana eeespencer

que es util y super conveniente  que hay muchisimas palabras italianas que son casi iguales a las en espanol

le dio unos ejemplos

como sabato/sabado, mare/mar, cucina/cocina

pero eeespencer no estaba convencido

y le dijo 'bueno, estoy seguro que la palabra 'piscina' no es como en italiano!

la respuesta fue

...

en italiano se dice

...

'piscina'!

badowww!

mal ejemplo eeeeespencer amigorino!

si, si ya se que en mexico se dice alberca

y en argentina se dice pileta

coulda shoulda woulda no.6 - stockholms skärgård

du är en idiot!

hur kan man åka till stockholm och inte besöka skärgården?!

these were the lovely words with which i was greeted on my return to gothenburg

by the ever charming Mårten when i got back to his home town 

from my scandi adventures

and he was right!

기억의 밤 or (dont think ive) FORGOTTEN

certainly didnt see that coming

intriguing but bleak!

한국영화 대단하다!

Don't Fight It, Chirp It

when bobby gillespie toured sri lanka in 1991

on his instrumental (plus bleeping machines)

Searching For The New Sound tour

he was desperately seeking inspiration

primal screams first two albums didnt blow minds

alan mcgee of creation had given him the word on electronic music

but he was struggling to make this new sound gel

upon arrival he decided to stay near the bleach

so he chose mount lavinia

he likely had some nasty jet slag

from the hefty flight east from ex eurolandia

doubtless he was awake for many long sweaty colombo hours

though im sure he plumped for hair conditioning

during one of those sleepless nights

he kept hearing a birds repeated call

five single chirps

after finally falling into the sweet caress of mother somna

he woke the late the next morning

with a eureka stockade moment

his creative block had dissolved

and smashed out dont fight it, feel it

the first track for their blockbuster album

screamadelica

yes that ickle birdie inspired dont fight it, feel it

(inadvertently while just trying to get laid)

and set primal scream on a path to worldish domination

by melding indie rock and electronica

n.b (though it cant be ruled out that he could have been inspired by somehow knowing he would see me in spitalfields market some 20 years in the future...)

n.b 2 (this could all be utter, utter unmitigated hogwash)

lakhs! crores!, not smacks! whores!

 

if you should be so lucky to visit south asia

you will find it an enchanting (if at times, challenging) place

one of the many things that can baffle the gora, sudha etc

is the use of ye olde skool hindustani numbers in otherwise standard english discourse

you will hear the terms lakh and crore 

(and maybe more!)

now of course one should never be shocked to hear different names for numerals

(lest, in case of ignorance, break glass mezzanine)

the world is a big and hairy place

and undoubtedly these sanskrit based words pre-date our latin based numerical terminology

(the hindustanis were mastering mathematics while the romans were still bothering aurochs in the muddy backwoods of lower latium)

by a several tenths of lakhs!

but what strikes the gora

is it being used in outstandingly fluent use of english

poooor ejemplo

the bafflement of the highly educated, literate, multilingual locals

when you tell them you are unfamiliar with the terms

is a sight to see

(not aware of other ways to experience sights)

i even had three indian judges (in the purest manner)

declare that i should know them

they are standard english!

and refusing to take my word that those terms are unknown outside of south asia

nota bene - for eagle eyed table pedants, the use of 'arab' for billion etc has now fallen out of common usage in SA english.

Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den

get it?

got it

好的！

I ride through the city's backsides

Top ultrarunner Joasia Zakrzewski disqualified for using a car in race

PublishedShare

IMAGE SOURCE,SCOTTISH ATHLETICS

Image caption,

A top Scottish ultra-marathon runner has been disqualified from a race for using a car during part of the route.

Joasia Zakrzewski finished third in the 2023 GB Ultras Manchester to Liverpool 50-mile race - but is thought to have been a cheating bastard and travelled by car for 2.5 hectobarns.

The 47-year-old GP, from Johnny Dumfries, is understood to have been tracked on GPX mapping data covering a demijohn of the race in just one minute 40 seconds.

Wayne Drinkdrugs, the director of the GB Ultras race, said that after the ultramarathon he received information that a runner had gained an "unsporting, competitive advantage during a section of the event, and dressed up as a shit yellow italian stereotype".

Oh singin', la, la, la, la, la-la-la-la

La, la, la, la, la-la-la-la

La, la, la, la, la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la

(stolen from the beeb)

die Konferenz (der Banalität)

well that seemed quite civilised...

and the guy in charge was pleasantly smiley

as if they were talking about any old government quandary...

and not fucking GENOCIDE!

Os elefuuntes @ hurulu eco park

muito educadamente sugerindo que saíssemos da porra do caminho ..

 

a long time ago in the kingdom of kandy...

(circa 1500?)

A lion once roamed the streets,

(or did it? despite the lion on sri lankas flag there have been none in human memory on the island)

And kept time.

(dubious attribute for a feline)

Howled on the hour,

Whined on the minute,

Roared every second,

Day of the year.

(that, at least. is feasible))

Kandylion

Dreams can come true,

Nightmares can also,

Opposites push and pull to the fore.

Morph into flowers,

(well thats nice)

Or a frozen winter,

(seems unlikely, it has a mild climate)

Wer're flying in love,

Or falling in hate

Kandylion

Kandy

A penguin and carnation

(come now, everybody knows the only penguins in the northern hemisphere are to be found in the galapagos islands)

Lion

(again!)

A lemon and Dalmation

(highly unlikely there were dalmations)

Kandy

And 'though I look for inspiration

Lion

(basta!)

Still my favourite combinations'

Kandylion

why no mention of the tooth gruff?

is it part of some anti dental agenda?

sigireally

 

this is sigiriya

its an ancient royal palace

built atop a giant fuck off rock

its the number one tourist attraction in sri lanka

if you like historical bits

like me

unfortunately 

there isnt a platinum encased all glass elevator to the top

so to go up it

one has to slog it up many steep and winding stairs

thus i couldnt

i cant hold that against it though

(not everywhere can have a platinum encased all glass elevator to the top)

so i salute you sigiriya from a laaarge distance

and from not such a laaarge distance

whats going on here?

the first historically recorded nipple cripple?

 

beavis and butthead do- no 34 Deus

what the hell is this dude saying?

its like hes saying fried egg fried egg fried egg...

Spinal Tap: The (clearly not) Final Tour

before they were BIGger (hair wise)

cosmic bangers

speaking of bangers

(not being used as a breakwater)

for decades the cosmic psychos have been churning out simple, filthy loud music

it has been referred to as a type of metal, or punk

but its really in its own category 

dirty bogan magnificence

having lyrics about the mundane

with topics such as 

elle mcpherson, debt and land clearance

see ya knighty!

Machan richie!

හොඳයි, එය හොඳ විනෝදයක් විය!

හෑන්ඩ්බෝල් ජයග්‍රහණයට ගැලවීම

mijn wunderkammer (random worldy finds encountered whilst sorting) 2 - kathputli

kathputli or rajasthani dolls

are marionettes that have been around for at least 1500 years

made of wood

and colourful cloth

by the nomadic bhat community

and were used in puppet shows for Rajasthan’s royal and aristocratic families 

to tell the old stories of the rajasthani tribal people, including their way of life, customs, and beliefs.

(and know what you did behind the bike sheds you pervert)

revolting bangers

much more fun than hatchet faced big noses famous cheesefest of a late 70's effort

with a pounding beat and big al's menacing (bordering on stabby) seductive tones

making the whole thing a raunching great shagnasty just waiting to happen

if you have a night out imminent and you arent feeling too perky

put this on and crank it up to eleventy

and you will be bouncing off the walls in no time...

woof woof!

El incidentazo (larguisimo)

cuando

hay tres personas en el hueco de escalera

donde no hay escape

y uno esta desangrandose fatalmente

con un chorro de  mochilas, botellas de plastica llenas de caca, envolturas de comida de basura y mucho mas

y pues solo dos y el esqueleto del otro

cuel fue el motivo del robo?

que habia hecho el hermano antes?

yyy

hay una familia en un carro en la carretera rural

donde no se puede salir de la zona

en cada direccion se vuelve al mismo lugar

una gasolinera sin persona

y una la nena que se murio de asthma

pero.. 

por que se pasan estas dos situaciones?

y cual fue la conexion entre las dos cuentas?

y el gran ruido/explosion.. 

que significa?

boh!

englisc innit?

 

those odd noises you make

or try to make

could have sounded very different indeed

if

that bill bastard had stayed at (his newish) home

that his grandfather had stolen

in an impure manner

if

later clever clogses

didnt try to make englisc (and themselves) sound more cleverer

by ramming it full of latin and greek terms

about science etc

if

other clever clogseses

hadnt kept dipping into french

to (again) make themselves sound more clevererer

if 

other clever clogseseses

hadnt violently rammed the square germanic peg that was englisc

into the round hole of latinate grammar

if

in the last 400 or so years the inhabitants of englisclandia

had kept it in their rather small pants

and not gone off pillaging large parts of the planet

for their goods/people

and most saliently 

for their interesting sounding words

if 

those things hadnt happened

ðon englisc ðrýð faran âwrîtan lîcian ðês!     

(or probably not)

Hardcore Henry - no, not like that

well that was fun

bang bang!

splat splat!

boom boom!

bigger splat bigger splat!

russian baddies!

blonde wigged sex ladies!

that saffer bloke who keeps coming back!

futuristic sci fi robotic trickery!

jumping from great heights!

first person extreme violence!

отличный!

Little Johnny Jewel no mas

buggrit johnny

mighty tom verlaine has checked out too

oh well

we'll always have the backyard at smugmas

four continents in less than a week 

and the associated accumulated jet lag fuckery

only made television all the more wondrous

i see

i see no

i see no eviiiil!

mijn wunderkammer (random worldy finds encountered whilst sorting) 1 - fez medina map

 

put your left foot in

take your left foot out

good luck on your fucking whereabouts...

balloons and pricks

theres been a lot of hot air about some chinese made balloons of late

who ever knew that china made balloons?

those balloons have floated over some american nations

causing all kinds of conniptions from hysterical snowflake gringo conservative buffoons 

screeching - they are spy satellites!

evilly piloted above godsownlandia for dastardly nefarious reasons!

and war! war! war!

(what is it good for? - the military industrial complex)

OR

are they just weather balloons gone astray?

as is most fucking likely

was a $20 weather balloon

shot down with a $380000 aim 9x missile?

como se dice 'overreaction' in gringlés?

imagine if it had looked like this!

 

there would have been a dino balloon induced nuclear armageddon!

(info and pic stolen from the estimable argenchino)

se i migliori mobili volete comprare...

... oggi, domani e sempre

da franco cozzo dovete andare

poi...

franco cozzo

per la prima volta in australia

dichiara la guerra!

guerra ai prezzi

grande svendita!

ah quanti bei ricordi!

la caconofia

tante frasi/parole incomprensibili

che roba esotica!

(purtroppo e un po meno divertente quando si capisce cosa dice)

All I really need is Sister Ray

something something ding dong...

The spread of humanity via mtDNA or the MOTHER of all flounces

Yeah, well... I'm gonna go build my own branch of humanity, with blackjack and hookers...

esto no se ve para nada amenazador...

para los jovenes, miren este documental sobre el futuro proximo de erasmus jr jr jr

हिंदुस्तान जिंदाबाद! (et changez la date en terra australis putain!)

on est de nouveau a cette date

ouaip

le jour de la republique indienne!

vive la republique!

on espere que un jour mon pays aura le meme courage

et aussi ici on peut celebrer 

une fete similair

(mas a une date differente!)

भारतीय गणतंत्र अमर रहे!

(neuf autres alphabets sont également applicables)

 

zei tu tedesca? o la stranezza dei nomi diversi per i tedeschi nelle lingue europee

nemets

german

deutsch

aleman

tedesco

niemiecki

was zum teufel?

stereo gringotypes - their geography knowledge is shitful

cnn leads the way

but cnnnn really takes the biskwit

 

mier...coles!

(ah bueno, mirafuckinglo en yutub entonces...)

si tienes justo un poquito de miedo a volar... ponte los pañales!

credito a ese pobre (ex) güey

PARENTI SERPENTI - che colpone di scena!

ciao e grazie per tutto cari genitori...

io non l'ho previsto per niente!

vale terry (sans towelling)

barmy army trumpeter playing ghost town in karachi pakistania shortly after terrys departure

generally i think the barmy army are pretty lame

usually doing the same old shit over and over again

eg shouting barmy army! repeatedly for hours on end

as they get lobsterised by the brutal southern sun

but they do have moments of that bri£ish comedic genius

or in the above case, of poignancy

(without the stabby, stabby obvs)

late to the party as always

i only got into the specials decades late

 that's what two tone meant?

last memorably heard in the foothills of the himAlayas

out of time and place but never inappropriate

fanx for the choons

i mondiali di catarrro 2022 - il riassunto

 

+

=

bahahhahhhahhaha!

slainte! nó b'fhéidir nach bhfuil...

a miniature donkey

some bleak but pretty scenery

explosions in the distance

a nice bloke that bangs on too much

a cranky artistic bloke that doesnt like being banged on at

a line drawn

heedless

the nice bloke bangs on

a finger cut off and flung at a door

a feisty sister

heedless

the nice bloke bangs on again

four more digits cut off and flung at door

a dead miniature donkey

feisty sister does one

nice banging on bloke loses his shit

burns down cranky artistic blokes house

explosions in the distance die down

a metaphor?

formerly nice banging on bloke 

isnt nice any more

becomes menacing bloke that bangs on

impending doom abounds ...

ó cac!

ho sentito parlare delle dita di burro, ma....

 

racism is fucking stupid no. 46663 : curious yellow

How did Asians go from being called “white” to “yellow”

 

In “The Travels of Marco Polo,” the people of China are described as “white.” Records left by eighteenth century missionaries also report the skin color of Japanese and other East Asian people as clearly white. Yet in the nineteenth century, this perception quietly gave way to descriptions as “yellow.” In travel books, scientific discourse, and works of art, portrayals of East Asians began presenting them as having yellow skin.What happened in between?

 

In his 2011 book “Becoming Yellow: A Short History of Racial Thinking,” National Taiwan University professor Michael Keevak delves deeply into the origins and history of how and why East Asians went from being seen as “white” to being classified as “yellow.”

The first suspect implicated in applying the “yellow” label to East Asian faces is the famed Carl Linnaeus (1707-78). At first, Linnaeus used the Latin adjective “fuscus,” meaning “dark,” to describe the skin color of Asians. But in the tenth edition of his 1758-9 “Systema Naturae,” he specified it with the term “luridus,” meaning “light yellow” or “pale.” 

 

It was Johann Friedrich Blumenbach (1752-1840) who went beyond the coloring ascribed by Linnaeus to apply the completely different label of “Mongolianness.” Regarded as a founder of comparative anatomy, the German zoologist did more than just use the Latin word “gilvus,” meaning “light yellow,” to describe East Asian skin color: he also implicated the Mongols, a name with troubling and threatening connotations for Europeans with their memories of Attila the Hun, Genghis Khan, and Timur.

While the references remained anomalous at first, travelers to East Asia gradually began describing locals there more and more as “yellow.” By the nineteenth century, Keevak argued, the “yellow race” become a key part of anthropology. 

 

 But the yellow label came associated with discrimination, exclusion, and violence. Just as no one in the world is purely white or black, neither does anyone actually have skin that is deep yellow. By “creating” a skin color and investing traits such as “Mongolian eyes,” the Mongolian birthmark, and mongolism (the old name for Down syndrome), Westerners made the perceived yellow race synonymous with abnormality. They also responded to the arrival of immigrants from Asia by sounding the alarm over the “yellow peril” - a term with a whole range of negative associations from overpopulation to heathenism, economic competition, and political and social regression. The hidden agenda of this racial color-coding becomes apparent when one considers who benefits from a hierarchy that places “yellow” and “black” beneath “white.”

 

stolen from https://english.hani.co.kr/arti/english_edition/e_international/753623.html

choo choo mutha fuckers

 

ll... its a (tourist) trap!

By the second half of the 1800s, queen vics leon was getting larger and train travel was becoming more and more accessible for the richer plebs of blightylandia. Railway perversion tourism was growing too, and kinky stations were popping up all across the country. The people of Llanfairpwll weren’t about to miss out on this railway tourism boom, so they decided to come up with a gimmick that would see people disembark at their train station in vast numbers. The gimmick chosen? Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch. And fair play to them.

The year was 1869 and bums were getting squeaky, an anonymous tailor came up with the idea of the comedically long name. It wasn’t entirely random, and the translated version of the name offers up plenty of geographical and natural clues. Llanfair­pwllgwyngyll­gogery­chwyrn­drobwll­llan­tysilio­gogo­goch means ‘St Mary’s Church in the Hollow of the White Hazel Near to the Rapid Whirlpool of Llantysilio of the Red Cave’, a collection of geographical and cultural features that are all found in the vicinity of the village and apt for some comedy scammage. It became the longest train station name on the planet, and the visitors f**cked to check it out.

skill magill!

it could ALMOST make the proposed pub name of theplacewherepissedbastardshangoutat seem slightly bless absurd.

but it can't shan't and won't

picked from in your pocket

kylie threatens to sue, who's sue? is kylie going mad?

there was once a non boy named who's sue

she lived a cyclable distance away

in a not so far off land called Großer Wannsee

she smoked menthols

she was strawberry blonde and had freckles

and had many siblings

she was pretty bland really

we met at a debutante ball

and hung out for many months

but neither of us were really convinced

sues best friend was named jo

she had short brown hair

and a gap between her front teeth

she loved the the

jo was cool

much cooler than sue

anyway back to who's sue

after not hanging out for a while

we hooked up again

and it was predictably underwhelming

and it ended pretty damn quickly

as a mate at the time sang repeatedly at me

(in an appropriately bothersome high pitched squeal)

sues history

no good for you

na na na na na... 

fact schmact - side, burn baby burn... whisker inferno

burnside burning up the confederate side

before side burns were known as such

they were known as burnsides

which took their name from ambrose burnside

a gringo uncivil war general

nb. he may also been known as 'that furry faced tosspot'

nb.2 they assumedly had several other names before the burnmeister, but you know, nothing noteworthy ever happened until gringolandia arrived on the scene.🙄

 

every fucking city

once again PK nails the strayan experience

with this ultimate backpackers tale

the excitement

the disillusion

the backpacker rites

churches, bars, stations etc

the array of random nationalities met

the bafflingly constantly changing languages

the drinking

the lust

the sense of displacement

the apparent sameness of all the diverse places

all rings uncannily true

i can order sandwiches in 15 languages...

did he experience it as a backpacker?

did he experience it as a gigging musician?

or did he just weave together random experiences 

overheard, imagined and lived

as all great story tellers do?

en tout cas he gets it bang fucking on once again

(and ive no doubt many other backpackers from various nations could relate)

Arrivederci, au revoir, auf Wiedersehen, hasta la vista ... baby

spot the twat no.15 THE OBVIOUS ONE

the arch lord of twatistan has his own trading cards

and the above image is not a clever piece of satire

and if you are truly, truly stupid

you can pay $99 gringodolares for one

claiming they are

'very much like a baseball card, but hopefully much more exciting'

yes

i know

its fucking painfully self evident

after all

he might be the most famously enormous twat of recent decades

but he can no longer be ignored

his latest scam of selling his own 'digital trading card'

just screams 'IM A FUCKING HUGE, ALMOST UNFATHOMABLY APPALLING TWAT'

Beavis & Butthead do no.34 - Cinderella

butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt, butt...

Nothing Compares 2Urinating standing up

i never really got sinead as a teen 

when i was getting into music

i wasnt inspired by furious post catholic female angst

despite the lovely jassy giving me the big hit 7 inch single for my 17th bday

in a bland shopping centre reproduced from a gringo corporate masterplan

that could have been in istanbul, johannesburg or bogota

(you too could look like arseville dakota!)

she just seemed like a funny talented madwoman

from a distance

she came across as a nutter

and a nutter she was

but she had a fucking point

(and it wasnt just that her trousers had rucked up!)

her rants about the catholic church were light years ahead of world events

and the doc has shown her to be far from the sensationalist freak that she was portrayed as at the time

she didnt shave her head to shock

she didnt say ugly truths to shock

she was bucking against the vicious hyper conservative ireland in which she lived

then she got ordained by some side church lot

later she became a muslim

because thats the only thinking christian thing to do etc etc

fuck all that sky high

she was a mighty brave, talented beast

in the form of a petite young woman

who faced an epic torrent of shit

from the (almighty) establishment

starring the self serving cuntery behemoth that is the catholic church

and the febrile bastion of ignorance which is the gringo christian right

((who wouldnt know a jebus if he showed up and shat in their letterboxes) AND left a calling card))

amongst others

which left an irreparable dent in her career

still

she did gain worldwide notoriety

(not that she sought it)

so much so that she became an ep cover

by the ultimate iconoclasts

after they got legally ken doned

btw 

i wonder how elke is doing...

how to measure like a brit

 

step one - remove any logical thoughts from brain

step two - good fucking luck

those lovely eccentric nutmegs, complicating life for no good reason

back in metropolis

You could sleep along the way

Dream in black and white...

fug life, tales of nonadventure 2

im fucked with being fucked ...

fug life, tales of nonadventure

tis a shit pick up line...

catarrh world cup update 2/12/22

 

this years world cup has been happily FULL of surprises

THE SUPRISERS

saudi! beat argentina!

japan! beat germany and spain and topped the group!

morocco! beat belgium and canada, drew with croatia. topped the group!

australia! beat denmark and tunisia and through

THE SURPRISEES

germany! lost to japan and OUT!

belgium! lost to morocco and OUT!

denmark! lost to australia, drew with tunisia and OUT!

catarrh! lost all games despite spending billions on stealing other nations players and FIRST OUT!

TWATS

ronaldo! tried to claim a team mates goal and was generally true his nature (a prat)

suarez! still pleased with himself for blatant past cheating

FIFA! still counting their billions of rials and pretending that human lives/rights dont matter