classiness, straya style - cheer animal cruelty and punch your own vomit

(by shit towns of australia)

The Melbourne suburb of Flemington is largely composed of ‘character buildings’, otherwise known as ‘butt-ugly state housing slum towers’. Despite being home to a diverse array of deadshits and deros, the suburb is known by most Australians for one thing only: the annual Melbourne Cup.
Australasia’s pre-eminent public horse-abuse holiday, the Melbourne Cup is the only iconic sporting event where you can eat the losers. Internationally renown as ‘the race that stops a nation’ the Melbourne Cup has been won by a slew of famous nags such as Phar Lap, Makybe Diva and Pauline Hanson. Despite its pretension towards sophistication horse racing is basically bullfights for the bourgeois, an excuse to let suburbanites dress a bit fancy and watch a midget flog half a tonne of future dog roll while losing a week’s wages on a poorly constructed trifecta. Most of the horses are owned by truly objectionable people like minor royals, oil sheiks and property developers.

The Melbourne Cup is celebrated with a massive orgy of public spewing and fighting, something it shares with other national holidays such as Australia Day and Kylie Minogue’s birthday. Post-race news coverage is dominated by footage of half-cut slags collapsing into hedges and fishing piss-soaked fascinators out of the gutter. A common sight at Flemington is tradies who turn up buzzing after an intensive spell of preloading, only to be disappointed when they find out that a handicap race doesn’t feature Down syndrome people doing hurdles.
Phlemington might be best known for a racecourse but the only race worth winning is being the first person on the last tram out of town.