just suppose i juxtaposed with you 2 - giza geezer

verdict; go fuck yourself


pyramids of giza
constructed as tombs for pharoahs. circa 2500 BCE
including the Great Pyramid  of khufu which was the tallest man-made structure in the world for more than 3,800 years.. It is estimated that the pyramid weighs approximately 6 million tonnes, and consists of 2.3 million blocks of limestone and granite, some weighing as much as 80 tonnes. 
It is the oldest of the Seven Wonders of the Ancient World, and the only one to remain largely intact.

seen from

pizza hut, giza
a bog standard 3 storey building, latter half 20th century building.
not content with taking the magnificent italian food and desecrating it by making it out of reprocessed horse shit, decorated with lowest grade excretia, euphemistically labelled 'toppings'. this crass uber capitalistic multi national conglomerate chose to place their filth dispensing outlet adjacent to the most the most culturally significant building on the planet.

just suppose i juxtaposed with you; 1 - tokyo town

verdict; jarring or striking?
i dont fucking know

zojiji temple
14th century buddhist temple
main temple of the Jōdo-shū Chinzei sect of Buddhism in the Kantō region
from the tokugawa shogunate

set beside

 tokyo tower
1950's eiffel tower knock off
communications and observation tower , it is the second-tallest structure in Japan.

The reassuringly named Death Road - Bolivia

shortly after some religious fools very effectively performed a demolition job in downtown noo yawk
a couple of nutters went for a little bikey wikey excursion
it goes from the snowy andean nutmeggery outside la paz
down to the sub tropical town of coroico
a drop of 3500 metres over 60 km distance
its called the death road because it was built by bob death of la paz in the 1830s
or its because of many deaths from people getting it slightly wrong and falling off the edge
to their dooooom!
most of the deaths are locals driving trucks, buses etc
but it also averages one death per year of foolhardy bikey tourists

and it sure killed my butt!

hipster swaziland?

did swaziland change its name be modern and hi tech sounding?
did such an enormous undertaking take place to keep up ezines, email and the ejoneses?
did traditional attire change from colourful african clobber to naff beards, retro bicycles and moronic tattoos?

in 2018 this lichtenstein of a nation which only came about coz of eurotrash meddling
changed its named to
eswatini

effing hell...

xi-nnie the pooh

surely its not too soon... oh? 干!

of goras and gorras

-little desi cousins enraptured by the gora gorra

once upon a time in rajasthan
some jolly folks went on safari
to the famed ranthambore national park
where it is 'easy to spot' bengal tigers

the open top bus dealy was called a canter
the tourists were mostly indians
plus a handful of funny looking pallid goras
the canter was crammed full
so 2 little desi cousins had to change seats to the final row
as there was more space there
beside the bogan gora up the back
ensconsed in his corner

it wasnt a big deal
because their kindly mum/aunt and their uncle
back visiting from his studies in ukraine
were right in front
the clumsy gora tried to talk to them in his nonsensical gibberish
but they had no idea was he was mlecching about
the elder of the two cousins
just smiled sweetly and humoured him
when he threw in a few desi words amongst his mlecchery
but the little boy was nonplussed
what on earth was this fat transparent fool on about?
he might as well have been sat next to the ravenous blugglatter beast of traal

they kept climbing back and forward between the two rows
wanting to hang with their family
but they were told off and had to stay put when the canter took off
as the canter approached the gates of the park
the usual tat wallahs were there
and one gorra wallah spied the gora in the back corner
and thought he was surely 'in'
for a sale of his 'official ranthambore' gorras

on a whim the gora bought a gorra
and plonked it on his little neighbours head
hoping to score some brownie points
after some clumsy adjustments which kept squashing his head
now what was the bloody alien doing to him?
the gora sat back
looking proud of himself
and hoping for some recognition for his gesture

and then...

nothing

the little fellow briefly toyed with it to make it comfortable
and carried on with his day
all was forgotten
no yearned for warm words of thanks from the next generation in front
nor hoped for admiring looks from any of the other desi tourists

so the gora had to get on with his journey
vaguely fantasizing of imagined grandparental approval
when they got home

or in a decades time
the little fellow finding it in the back of his wardrobe
and thinking warmly of that friendly mlecching gora
then being inspired to become leader of the united nations
in the spirit of international understanding

or
far more probably
it was was quickly forgotten
thrown in a corner
and disintegrated within weeks
to be thrown away with broken toys
to moulder away in a land fill

choose your own gora gorra destiny adventure

i looove you.. you are my BINT!

somewhere in the non wilds of south western engerland
we zipped along in her small car
probably from salisbury plain
heading towards bath? bristol? bielefeld?
on occasions like this
(and any other give half a chance)
despite pleas, threats and finally, resignation
she loved to 'sing' aloud
and loud
even if not allowed
she was notoriously tone deaf
if contagiously gleeful
but
as it was her car
she got to choose the music
and was belting out one horrorshow
after another
well they werent EXCLUSIVELY horrors
occasionally one would fall into my tasty taste bracket
one such album was a pet shop boys jobbie
and as she squawked and wailed her way through the tracks
this one track caught my groove train
the chorus just happened feature one of my fave blighty slang words

so
and most likely for the one time only
i too joined in the horrific tuneless mauling of a passable ditty
as i hollered along with
I LOOOOOOVE YOU, YOU ARE MY BINT

heres looking up yours, my nutter queen.

Strǝtjǝckǝt Fǝts

just before the continents sank
you could still go outside
i was sitting in a grungy bar
they tuned up and took us all for a ride

straitjacket fits' shayne, i need you again
deep space jam on inner north terrain
straitjacket fits' shayne, i need you again
help me break these tedious quarantine chains...

one thousand, five and hundred seventy four gins please... large ones!

there once was a traditional old english illegal drinking establishment in london town
monica worked there
she wasnt a fan of the 'drink now, pay later' scheme
mr yakimoto
the french geezer found it overwhelming
it was members only
it was the kind of place
where everything goes
until
everything went...

ferry district

tanti anni fa

c'era un tipo come lei

e lui cercava casa nel centro storico di una citta europea

c'erano altre case

e anche migliori

fuori del centro storico

ma lui era fissato

voleva vivere proprio nel centro storico

fra i vicoli

stretti stretti

anche se non c'era molto luce

e non si vedeva niente di flora da nessuna parte

ma lui era deciso

perche aveva un idea romantica

molto malaccorto

della vita che sognava...

communque

e' andato a inspezionare un appartamento

ed gli piaceva tanto

anche se

non era un granche

e per niente practica!

purtroppo non si ricordava il nome della strada dov'era

e ha raccontato agli amici della scoperta

del appartamento in...

vico traghetti! 

😂😂😂😂😂😂

.... y la 'ley' ganó

a

Yo soy un hombre prisionero
De donde crece el datilero
Yo soy un hombre prisionero
De donde crece el datilero
Y antes de morirme quiero
Echar mis versos del alma

Guantanamera
Verduga Guantanamera
Guantanamera
Verduga Guantanamera

Mi verso es de un verde claro
Y de un carmin encendido
Mi verso es de un verde claro
Y de un carmin encendido
Mi verso es un camello herido
Que busca en la sombra amparo

Guantanamera
Torturadora Guantanamera
Guantanamera
Torturadora Guantanamera

Cultivo la higuera
En junio como en enero
Cultivo la higuera
En junio como en enero
Para el amigo sincero
Que me da su mano franca

Guantanamera
Martirizadora Guantanamera
Guantanamera
Martirizadora Guantanamera

Y para la crueldad gringa que me arranca
El corazon con que vivo
Y para la crueldad gringa que me arranca
El corazon con que vivo
Mijo ni ortiga cultivo
Cultivo la higuera

Guantanamera
Atormentadora Guantanamera
Guantanamera
Atormentadora Guantanamera

Con los pobres de la tierra
Quiero yo mi suerte echar
Con los pobres de la tierra
Quiero yo mi suerte echar
El oasis del desertio
Me complace mas que el mar

(si, si, se ella no nacio alla, callate!)

spot the twat(s) no.2

in a world of fucking morons
high and low
lets talk a moment to reflect upon these overachievers
the orange order
(seems strangely poignant considering current world leaders)
insisting on marching through places where their fellow countrymen live
just to shove in their faces
that hundreds of years ago
imperialist fuckheads invaded another land
and these twats seek to celebrate
the theft of their lands
and murderous suppression of the locals for centuries
to the benefit of these shitty backward religious fundamentalists

top notch twattery fellas!

christ alive what a Puki ng ina!

star wars 9, the rise of something something something

'utterly forgettable'- Horseshit Bathers Weekly

'who fucking knows?'- Blah Wank Blah Mag

'downright grim; - Two Girls One Cup

'what a schnorefest'- dasistwunderbar.orgy 

'seen it all before, now its just smashed into one horrible film' -  hairyarsedgirls.com

'utter wank'- anybody with half a brain

'more stupidest than us' - trump fans fc

'quite literally the next day i couldnt recall any of it' - Lord High Limebeaver

acrid and gnarled

being in lockdown getting you downdown?

forced to see the world through the tiny lens of the internet

which is a cesspit of nasty partisanship and vile trolls?

worried that this perspective is making you acerbic and contorted?

then follow the limebeaver patented 2 step programme for inner wotsit..

introducing:

TWITTER

and

BISTO

ram particles matter

back in the early 1930's
between the wars
with the world still recovering from the GREAT war
you know the one
the WAR TO END ALL WARS
how did that work out for everybody?

then there was the GREAT depression
which was caused by greedy capitalist scumbags
plus ca change, ca ne change pas de nouveau

de toute facon
along with all the flappers and slappers
bootleggers and fedora flaunters
video gaming was all the rage

as were all kinds of medieval nostalgia
so where did these crazes meet?

it was called ''Þe olde ramparte'
but to todays quadrillenials its known simply as sidepart 

ra ra orkestration?

as a random italian once pointed out to me
why sunshowers?
why not rainshine?

is this YET ANOTHER example of the long established heliocentric conspiracy which has long ruled the anglosphere so mercilessly and left the other weather gods so very marginalised?!

limebeaver brings you the BIG QUESTIONS!

its just an arraignment...

and youre in trrrrrouble!

Pesan Untuk Kamu Rudy

terema kasi...

untuk jamur gila!

untuk bule raja durian

untuk borabudur

untuk makan di beautiful spring

untuk ramayana di prambanan!

terima kasih juga kepada guru mirna sinting

when harry did sally

The Harrying of the North was a number of campaigns waged by William the Conqueror ne.
Bastard in the winter of 1069-70 to subjugate oop north England, where the presence of the last Wessex scrote, Edgar Runnybottom, had encouraged Anglo-Danish rebellions. This campaign was akin to genocide and resulted in a significant change to the gene pool.

It involved sending in a ruthless bunch of mercenaries, infamous for their blood lust and desire for eating childrens' intestines with cracked pepper.  Their bloody curdling war cry was 'burning, looting, raping and a shooting'.  If you heard it, you would surely be dead within minutes.

Gaze upon their fearful countenances and thank ganesha you live in happier times...

harry "phil" mccracken

handjob harry

'reachy' harry reacharound

harry from barry

harry the bastard

harry 'the boner' humerus

harriet the ginger ninja

(the simpleton boy who carried the cracked pepper)