Tuesday, February 19, 2019

the beaker people...












...is the name of a cultural phenomenon which occurred in large parts of Western Europe, roughly between 2800 BC and 2200 BC

Monday, February 18, 2019

niggle free zone

they say you shouldnt speak ill of the dead
they say all kinds of bullshit
they can fuck right off
not that im setting sail in that direction
for fucks sake
who even has a yachchchchhct?
itd be nice to say that you are shocked
are you shocked?
did you say it?
was it nice?
the poor fucker was already on the bus
a long time ago
even at primary age
he was scary as fuck
and had sussed the quickest way to the front of the queueue
3rd ringworm god botherers yet again
everybody trying to find their place
he surely knew where to keep his ticket to eternity
firelighters and those eyes
even as a teen he was sussing the best seatage
bogans at the back!
breaking into oddbins
stebbing at the turf
screaming his hatred at his paternal lineage
whilst been hoisted by his own daddard
perhaps it was the innate sense of oblivion that charmed the girls
nothing to lose
when youve already lost it all
inappropriate teddy bears
and those fucking scary eyes
trying to get into the pigs
but that was never going to happen
when youve already booked your biglietto solo andata
but the military are always desperate
they say no only so many times
then i guess he got his official pass
and perhaps inevitably
old niggle went forth
seemingly several years ago
and he checked himself out
collected his swipe card
made forced small talk with the reception staff
they are PAID to be nice to you
never fucking forget that
but i like to imagine that niggle did the right thing
left the sleaze bags in the room
then walked out into the dazzling sunshine

sorry about the bums against the wall...

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

immagini di londra

ho sognato dell'inghilterra
ho sognato del amico mandato a quel paese
ho sognato che ero nel nord
non mi ricordo dov'ero
ma dovevo tornare a londra
perche quasi sempre devo tornarci
quante fucking volte
ci sono arrivato e partito piu che della citta mia
e il piu lungo che ci ho vissuto sarebbe meno di un mese
lo conosco bene
e non lo conosco per niente
e un posto di transito
mi ricordono la prima sosta la
come anglofilo ero molto contento
facendo il sight seeing
cercando qualcosa fredda da bere nei negozi
delle birre fredde nei pub
che novita!
e la seconda volta
in un ostella di merda vicino a paddington
con i ragazzi italiani, spagnoli, portoghese ecc
dove e' comminciata la catena di eventi che mi ha portato a GE
chiacchierando con S
di notte quando lavorava
purtroppo la M se ne gia andata
la pazza austriaca che ha scoppato nel dormitorio pieno
pero mi ha auitato con mein hut der hat drei ecken?
la simpatica C di valencia
che mi piacerebbe da morire trovare di nuovo
la bellissima L
il povero nacho che lavoravo in un ristorante messicano
gli spagnoli e i portoghesi che lavoravono nella 'cucina'
che mi hanno insegnato che si dice mierda e merda
e vogliono dire la stessa cosa!
l'australiano enorme con il piercing nel naso
pareva un toro
le fucking petegolezze
il cuore rotto dalla propria stupidita
le porte d'argento che mi facevano tanto dolore
il lavoro di merda da un tipo da occhialista
che mi pagavo 3 sterline all'ora
che non mi bastavano per vivere
ogni volta che comprassi un sandwich da pret a manger
sapevo che non dovevi
i baci rubati a regents park
e sopratutto i storpi e calvi che spiavo del ufficio
quanti c'erano!
poi l'embankment
che ho sentito mio...










Monday, December 31, 2018

mould tang slime




should ne'er have forgotten the pot
and ne'er gone the ron
the whiff of drinking to get pished
and obliterate what has gone
is your mug now festering so bold
that grimmest vassal of slime
that thous flatmates cannot but object
to that mould tang slime

that mould tang slime my foe
that mould tang slime
that thous flatmates cannot but object
to that mould tang slime 

Tuesday, December 25, 2018

its snowing in coober pedy


happy saturnalia mother fuckers

Saturday, September 15, 2018

speaking of honey

hace 6 fucking anos conoci una chica increible
estuve en nicaragua
sur la isla de ometepe
una isla bellisima con 2 vulcanos en el lago de nicaragua
era un periodo feisima
no estuve bien para nada
y mas
tenia un resfrio de mierda
en las semanas pasadas he tenido un ear infection
que gane con hacer bucear en isla de mais
pues me han robado mi pasaporte
con la embajada mas cercana en panama o mexico
no solamente el pasaporte
me han robado casi todo mi dinero
mi tablet
mis tarjetas
y mas
pues mientras yo esperaba un documento de viajar de mexico
no era posible haber un pasaporte porque estuve en un pais sin embajada
decidi de hacer un viajecito a ometepe
iba a hacer hasta 2 semana por este documento de mierda
pues, chao a los planes de puerto escondido y oaxaca!
entonces...




Saturday, September 08, 2018

we better get going if were gonna stay ahead of the fake honey

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-09-03/capilano-and-supermarkets-accused-of-selling-fake-honey/10187628bene, it turns out that in australia companies have been flogging miele that is faker than a dodgy chinese knock-off dishwasher!



instead of honey, they have been using urinary tract infections of beavers, pre plucked rats nose hair , and overly worn sweaty hair man sugar infused g strings...
 http://www.abc.net.au/news/2018-09-03/capilano-and-supermarkets-accused-of-selling-fake-honey/10187628

Friday, June 08, 2018

everything flows





yes this blog lives, fucking barely

cmq, how biutiful is this word and its etymology?

just like honey....

mellifluous (adj.)

early 15c., "sweet, pleasing" (of an odor, a style of
speaking or writing, etc.), from Late Latin mellifluus"flowing
with (or as if with) honey," from Latin mel (genitive mellis)
"honey" (related to Greek meli"honey;" from
PIE root *melit- "honey")
+ -fluus "flowing," from fluere "to
flow" (see fluent). Melifluously; melifluousness.


Sunday, December 31, 2017

cow fart-brain fart




questa e' un'immagine di un grande testa di cazzo
si chiama antonio cassano
era un calciatore di tanto talento
ma con un cervello da insetto
mi spiace ai tutti i mei lettori insetti
si direbbe un gabbibo
o un deadshit bogan in australia

allora questa foto e da quando lui si e' firmato per giocare con hellas verona nella serie a
e' la maglia con lo sponsor e' perfetto
il fucking metano nord
cioe' quello che scoreggiano le fucking mucche
e come lui e' un fucking scoreggio dal sud
molto fucking terrone
e' perfetto per lui quando arriva nel nord

ps. apparentemente lui si e' scappato dal club prima di giocare
forse perche cercava un club con uno sponsor piu esatto per lui
come Fucking Feci Deficenti




Saturday, December 30, 2017

this a low

wella wella wella
tell you less tell you less
a spiffing most likely total of 9 posts for 2017
didnt even reach double figas
didnt actually reach any figas
tanto per cambiare

its the lowest ever in the dubious underachieving history of this buttlog
ta-rah!


Saturday, December 23, 2017

nobody's getting married, were talking about mary II


yeah its been a while... quite a fucking while
it seems the internet and society in general hasnt fallen apart without these missives of runny horseshit
or has it, you trump loving, brexit voting, imaginary sky-man crusading nob cheeses?
will limebeaver inc save the world from its own mind boggling stupidity 2018?
not fucking likely

Wednesday, July 05, 2017

Friday, April 21, 2017

cabeza de verga...



que equivocado, esa mierda habladora
hay una tercera posibilidad- patria socialista Y muerte...
es lo que hay ahora
y nop, perderan
pero solo despues de que se aseguran que todo el pais pierda con ellos

que fucking verguenza

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

les combien de quoi?


ecoutez, j'adore les livres de dumas, peut-etre il est mon ecrivain francais favori...
et le livre (et aussie la serie) les trois mousquetaires et vraiment genial..
mais il y a un gros probleme
regardez l'image... on voit tres hommes? on voit des mousquets?
pas du tout!
il devrait etre intutile les quatre epeistes! (putain)

Monday, April 10, 2017

stupid white (and brown) men



the womens healthcare summit in trumplandia



the 'girls council' in saudi arabia


notice anything odd?
anything missing?
fucking cunts

Thursday, April 06, 2017

las elecciones ecuadorianas

quien va a ganar? un pedazo de cuerda o un viejo russo muerto desde hace mas de 90 anos?


ES






CONTRA







y el ganador es...
el russo muerto!!!
woooooooooo!

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

whats great about humidity?

1. absolutely nothing
2. fuck off
3. repeat

Monday, February 27, 2017

Saturday, December 31, 2016

death to 2016 and ironguts

they have both shat their way out of this world...

i know which one i will miss...