i bought a boat yesterday

nah, not really
it was a newspaper...

2009 re-make of thriller video

stolen from;
Steve Bell, The Guardian

'His dance moves are a bit wooden, but the costumes and make-up are VERY impressive...'

things I probably should know and you probably don't

aphorism - a terse saying embodying a general truth, or astute observation, as “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely”
metaphor - a figure of speech in which a term or phrase is applied to something to which it is not literally applicable in order to suggest a resemblance, as in “A mighty fortress is our God.”
analogy - a similarity between like features of two things, on which a comparison may be based: the analogy between the heart and a pump.
simile - a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly compared, as in “she is like a rose.”
truism - a self-evident, obvious truth.
platitude - a flat, dull, or trite remark, esp. one uttered as if it were fresh or profound.
allegory - The representation of abstract ideas or principles by characters, figures, or events in narrative, dramatic, or pictorial form
paradigm - A set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality for the community that shares them, especially in an intellectual discipline
apothegm - a short, pithy, instructive saying; a terse remark or aphorism.
axiom - A self-evident or universally recognized truth; a maxim
cliche - a trite, stereotyped expression; a sentence or phrase, usually expressing a popular or common thought or idea, that has lost originality, ingenuity, and impact by long overuse,
parable - a short allegorical story designed to illustrate or teach some truth, religious principle, or moral lesson.
maxim-A succinct formulation of a fundamental principle, general truth, or rule of conduct.
dictum - an authoritative pronouncement; judicial assertion.

Who's back?

(Speaking)
He went away and didnt hang around
didnt bother me every night
And when he wouldn't go out,
out to play came the birds and mice...

Micio's back and theres shouting in the makin'
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
When you see him coming, you better get some bacon
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
He's been midnight maaooing at other windows
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
So look out now, 'cause he's a comin' to the fro's
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)

Hey he knows what you've been munchin'
And he knows that you've been lunchin'

He's been gone for such a long time
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
Now he's back and things will be noisy
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
You're gonna be sorry you got some new speakers
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
'Cause he's kind of big and he's gonna scratch the tweeters
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)

Hey, you know he aint been here eatin'
Now, you'd better get some meat in

What made you think he'd got pig flu?
(Wah ooh, Wah ooh)
He's a big maoo now, but he'll scratch crap outta you
(Wah ooh)
Wait and see!

micio's back and he's dozing on the couch
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
If you sit on him, you gonna scream OUCH!
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)

Hey I can hear him at the back door
Now he's stretching on the kitchen floor

(Wah ooh, wah ooh)
Wait and see!

micio's back he's gonna be out fighting
(Hey la, hey la, micio's back)
Yeah micio's back
Well he's back now
Well I can hear him maoooin'
he wants be allowed in right now
micio's back!

sono quarant'anni che ti volevo dire...

forza piero!
manda li affanculo!
yeah baby!

at fucking last...

Mark Webber wins a grand prix...

broomhand

yeah yeah
I'm the broomhand man
im gonna broom you handless
im the major broomhandman
i can broom
and broom
and broom
your dreams away
im the best broom
by far
broomhandlandia is where i live
broomhand,
feel the rhythm with my hand
it was only 7 years ago
your broomhand finally broke
and im at it again
watch me go
broooooooooooooom .............
broooooooooooooooooooooooooom..............
broooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom..................
B R O O M H A N D ! ! !

mentalists? You're a mentalist !

the mentalists and the mean height increase in japan since world war two

at the esplanade
(not) at the reevesdale
(not) at the petersham
PUB!

before time a classy couple showed with bags of fresh lettuce wine
the usually shouting and ranting ensued
off then to the sbfplanade
to find all sorts
brown haired not particularly interesting sorts
the man from the white cliffs
and some more
pissed pizza was alright
but not as good as the mentalists
who were fab
they did their thing
they played all the grates
super music for jumping around
so we jumped around
there was plenty of this
a bit of that
and a modicum of the other
nobody had a sad face
the spirits never were every present
the lady was rather strong
some set off to paradise
the song about the vegetarian pizzeria
some music of the rock and some of the roll
just enough times
a short stint at the mans coalface
just like treveo and julio
people whom left together
and i meant it all along
a lashing of concrete
a bashing of clay
and that song about the changing diets of japan in the second half of the 20th century and its affect on mean national height...

erik looooooooooooves animal collective

Animal Collective
is that erik swooning behind a tree?

oh he is such a huuuuuuuuuge fan
you cant stop him banging on about animal collective
they can do no wrong
according to erik
he came all the way to osstraya to see them
despite the fact that they arent even from osstraya
now thats dedication by erik
even now you can spy him walking around the centro storico of genoa
humming some whacky electronic tune
that no doubt originates from animal collective
he's a real fan boy
got all the t shirts, hats and underpants
all the different versions of each release
mp3, flac, vinyl, cd, cassette and anal probe
sometimes you just cant shut the bastard up
his fave aspect of the band
is undoubtedly their live performance
he saw them once in melborn, osstraya
all his friends got in for free
but not erik
he paid for his ticket as a matter of principal
in fact he wanted to pay double
he was enamoured with their ever-so crazeeeey outfits
there he stood right up the front
practically draped himself over the stage
and was dazzledly enraptured by the bands live performance
he tried to go backstage to offer his up culo
but they werent that way inclined
he offered to carry the heavy equipment
but they werent that way inclined either

it took him 3 weeks to truly recover himself afterwards
he seemed perpetually in a daze
lost in a dream world where he was with his 'superbest friends' - the animal collective
he threw out/deleted the rest of his music collection
and would only talk in the bands lyrics

he claims he's over it now
but after a few dozen too many grappas
you might just catch him in a reverie
about his first, one and only true love
animal collective

bustamante you fascist bastard

Corporal Stronzo Bustamente shot and killed film maker Leonardo Henrichsen, while Henrichsen filmed him! Henrichsen was filming the the street chaos in Santiago before the putsch that brought another complete bastard Pinochet to power in Chile... Rot in infierno Bustamente!

n.b Bustamente is NOT a relative of Busta Rhymes

Of course you are

I doubt anyone out there is likely to read this
That's what I like about it!
Nice to meet you (singular)
Bye now!
Hooray :@) - that's pig flu

beavis is getting quite proficient at french

here he comes now...

now improved blog!!! (nb like hell)

the team at limebeaver enterprises nasty big multinational conglomerate inc staff have just got back
they were off on a team building trip
doing trust exercises involving not clubbing one another with spiked clubs
brainstorming about how to climb a rope made out of celery
playing paintball with rubber bullets
throwing the thought medicine ball at each others privates
and doing personality tests that showed they were all maladjusted phoenician oedipists

the retreat was held in the galapagos islands
its was planned to be in the comorros islands
but some yemeni bungholes crashed their plane all over it
it started with the now traditional opening ceremony
of playing sardines in the cupboard
and ended with a re-enactment of lord of the flies
it was supposed to be lord of the rings
but the rabid staff insisted on the flies

we learned a lot of good things
that we hope to implement in the forseeable future
to bring you a blog that is
bigger
happier
rosier
insightfuller
verbosier
entertaininger
etceterer

so sit back and marvel at the hairy new blog from the not-so-good folk at limebeaverlandia
or go to the lavatory
its your choice...

luttle fush

Luttle fush, luttle fush, let me come un!"
"Not by the hair un my chunny-chun-chun!"
"Thin I'll hff, nd I'll pff, and I'll blow your house un!"

and something about drugs, guns, stumps, swimming and racist videos

odds on it'll be michael jackson

well that turned out all wrong didnt it?
he didn't end up little and green
oh.. hang on....
maybe in a couple of weeks...

what's all this shouting?

without that kind of dramatic conclusion
torres does well
picked up again by riera
howard has had an impressive night
has looked absolutely solid
donovan holds him off
now spector
here it is, belatedly
anxious looks
didnt have any kind of control on that
they are a delight to watch
so aware of whats going on
he has caught the eyes of many tonight
looks to be the coolest man in the house tonight
with a flashing effort
he has shown signs
charlie davis
has to hold himself
its an age
something to cling onto here
just sold a little short
villa on the stretch
howard and then the post
there was always going to be one winner
trying to take it closer
look at clarke here
all ends up
a signal for the change
frustrated for such a long time
to change it around
plays these days in denmark
dempsey will push up
his pair of legs
sitting down again and wondering
skipping inside
swarm back inside
another breath of frustration
they cant keep it out
and they might just have done so
we have a major, major upset on our hands now
who would have thought it
he wont dally here
certainly a collision
thats a scoreline nobody expected
desperate measures now
buzzing it past donovan
confirmation of the change
its dangerous territory
they were celebrating as if it were job done
it will only take a moment of genius
theres more than enough time
hes had an excellent night tonight
its backs to the walls now
steered, measured in
for all the frustration
inevitably right behind it
but not now
thats a sign of how desperate things are
the teenager has done his job tonight
not for long
xavi thought there was someone behind him, but there wasnt
he's more or less run out tonight
its very nearly a miracle required here
so the drama remains enthralling
puyol was in there
too many white shirts in his way
what a night, what a story
as its launched their way again
this is torres teasing them
because hes done so much running
hes the man who comes on to help shore up what has been a heroic defence
piquet in the book
not that it matters now
were supposed to be here as the easy-beats
but the script has been torn up and rewritten in the most dramatic of fashions
del bosque knows
nothing now he can do
nothing now his side can do
just a few more seconds tick by
was the man that did the damage
its a lost cause and he knows it
there isnt time now, there isnt time now
that surely is that
del bosque looks on forlornly
what a night
what a victory
and thats it...

easily...

... distracted

posh idiocy exponent extraordinaire

Did I say that?

Prince Philip, the Queen's consort, 88

stolen from The Obvserver Sunday 21 June 2009

On age

We shall all be old one day - provided, of course, we can avoid being slaughtered on the roads or beaten up by some hooligan in a peace demonstration (1970)

To a blind woman with a guide dog

Do you know they have eating dogs for the anorexic now? (2002)

To his wife after her coronation

Where did you get that hat? (1953)

On turning 80

I'm not sure I recommend it. It's not so much the age, but trying to survive the celebrations (2001)

Arriving to open a youth centre in Brighton

Who are you burying today? (2007)

Meeting Nigeria's president, who was in robes

You look like you are ready for bed (1956)

To Russell Brand, about the woman next to him in a royal variety show line-up

She's got all the right stuff in all the right places (2007)

On Number 10's idea for Diana's funeral

F*** off - we are talking about two boys who have lost their mother (1997)

Told by Elton John of his gold Aston Martin

Oh, it's you that owns that ghastly car - we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle (2001)

To president Kenyatta during Kenya's independence, as the Union Jack was lowered

Are you sure you want to go ahead with this, old chap? (1963)

On death

In the event that I am reincarnated, I would like to return as a deadly virus, to contribute something to solving overpopulation (1988)

To the General Dental Council

Dentopedalogy is the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it. I have been practising it for years (1960)

To Cherie Blair, on hearing that London had won the 2012 Olympic bid

I'm so old I won't be here (2005)

Told by president Obama of meetings already that day with the Chinese, Russians, Brown and Cameron

Can you tell the difference between them? (2009)

To a fashion writer at a world wildlife fund gathering

You're not wearing mink knickers, are you? (1993)

and a complete muppet....

how to shout properly