leave your passport/camera on a train in Prague, Czech Republic
hearing a loud roar when the lions are supposed to have left in Botswana
not reading saucy diary invitation until too late in Cape Town, South Africa
falling asleep on the road in the Dordogne, France
loudly demeaning bogans at the Australian Grand Prix
Getting so high that 10 metres was too far to bed in Copenhagen
Being too hung over and miss seeing Mt Fuji twice in Japan
Staying still when voices were heard on top of Old Sarum, UK
Climbing Three cliffs with sweaty sandals, Gower Peninsula, UK
Not locking the door in hostel, Salzburg
Wandering the streets on new year's eve shouting 'happy new anus', San Sebastian, Spain
trying to sleep in a frozen car, Edinburgh, UK
not getting high in Amsterdam
not ducking head at the right moment, Alton Towers UK
jumping on frozen river , north west Scotland
wandering about countryside with big heavy bag and gypsies for company, Slovakia
Getting off aeroplane, Brisbane Australia
not buying the giant tour poster Bristol, UK
drinking majority of Aftershock bottle, Nile river Egypt
Hiking the Inca Trail without anti-inflammatories, Peru
Having too many beers before the show, Innsbruck, Austria
Booking earlier flight to UK than was necessary, San Diego, USA
Not looking too closely at silk item, Hua Hin, Thailand
Not listening to dodgy copied CD's, Costa Smeralda, Sardinia
smoking too much dope the night before final Scuba exam, Malawi
Challenging bartender to drinking competition with Polish spirit, Kyoto, Japan
dropping other peoples mobiles in frankston lavatories
eating that accursed paella in Barcelona, coz 'it's the best'
finishing that bottle of grappa and the going for a walk in Umbria
remembering to brake on King St, when John Cunt Howard was crossing
not keeping your mouth shut in Nairobi, Kenya
agreeing to follow Lets Go to Interlaken, Switzerland american hell
not running from Israeli hordes in Ica, Peru
Not deliberately programming an entire office full of computers to read "Richard Buttmunch Harvey" in Swansea, UK
cleverly leaving my wallet in back pocket in a bakery in Harare, Zimbabwe
Not bothering to quadruple check accommodation details for late night welsh monsoon arrival with Bob in Swansea, UK
Seeing no need to learn about ancient Minoan culture before gawking at volcanoes in the Aegean Sea, Greece
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Wednesday, August 30, 2006
I just wanna smoke it
One week down
how many weeks up ?
no sugar
no wheat
no dairy products
next to no fruit
nothing frozen,
nothing from a packet
nothing from a tin, jar, barrel or other vessel
no booze
no fags
no dope
no trips
how much rice can one stomach stomach ?
how many stir-fries can you look in the eye?
is their a limit on buckwheat pancakes?
can too much vegetable slurry drink do you harm?
soy milk is all the rage
but a little bit of flavour lionel wouldn't be unloved
filtered water
sitting by the demi-joan
tip, split, splurt, splash
what a fucking waste of time
lucky i've got plenty to throw
seeds, the birds are on to something
how many baby pumpkins must die?
the massacre of tournasols
they will never turn from where they are going
6-7 almonds, does that mean 6 and a half?
10% cashews is a bit cheeky
but what can you do when you need a spread
and your hand is poor?
BUT good news is at hand
all tomorrows parties will have exciting guests
eggs
small serving of avocado
wacky thrillybits bread
and other obscene pleasures that pass me by
what will it all bring?
apart from boredom...
exciting slimline executive model?
clear skin so clear you can see the other side of the plane?
liver bored shitless ?
kidneys closing down for the summer?
less air pollution?
incredible health recovery and impending triathlons?
or maybe a stroll around the blockage?
the connotations are limited
the permeatations are meaningless
the stipulations are several
ahh but weeks from now...
won't it be peachy
how good will that first beer taste?
that first lovely drop of wine?
that first pizza ?
butsugiri melting slowly in the mouth?
good intentions follow
life changing affirmations
I will learn the difference between krishna and vishnu
Siddharta might mean something more...
and the Indus valley culture might explain a lot the aryans never could or would.
bokko!
how many weeks up ?
no sugar
no wheat
no dairy products
next to no fruit
nothing frozen,
nothing from a packet
nothing from a tin, jar, barrel or other vessel
no booze
no fags
no dope
no trips
how much rice can one stomach stomach ?
how many stir-fries can you look in the eye?
is their a limit on buckwheat pancakes?
can too much vegetable slurry drink do you harm?
soy milk is all the rage
but a little bit of flavour lionel wouldn't be unloved
filtered water
sitting by the demi-joan
tip, split, splurt, splash
what a fucking waste of time
lucky i've got plenty to throw
seeds, the birds are on to something
how many baby pumpkins must die?
the massacre of tournasols
they will never turn from where they are going
6-7 almonds, does that mean 6 and a half?
10% cashews is a bit cheeky
but what can you do when you need a spread
and your hand is poor?
BUT good news is at hand
all tomorrows parties will have exciting guests
eggs
small serving of avocado
wacky thrillybits bread
and other obscene pleasures that pass me by
what will it all bring?
apart from boredom...
exciting slimline executive model?
clear skin so clear you can see the other side of the plane?
liver bored shitless ?
kidneys closing down for the summer?
less air pollution?
incredible health recovery and impending triathlons?
or maybe a stroll around the blockage?
the connotations are limited
the permeatations are meaningless
the stipulations are several
ahh but weeks from now...
won't it be peachy
how good will that first beer taste?
that first lovely drop of wine?
that first pizza ?
butsugiri melting slowly in the mouth?
good intentions follow
life changing affirmations
I will learn the difference between krishna and vishnu
Siddharta might mean something more...
and the Indus valley culture might explain a lot the aryans never could or would.
bokko!
Tuesday, August 29, 2006
Monday, August 28, 2006
the book of marrone
it's kind of brown
doesn't lead anywhere
not involving any crucibles, chalices or dreaming spires
sits you down when you least expect it
won't make any promises
doesn't demand you paint your shoes
it will let you use electricity
doesn't make you wear silly hats or robes
lets you trim your beard and sideburns
it doesn't have a holy land
and won't demand crusades
no tall stories about big heads
women play a prominent role
not just seductresses and mothers
sweet mother earth
what are you worth?
you can eat all the meat you want
goat, pork, beef and rodent
it will leave you with some doubt
but none of it will be about the book
double spacing
extra large print
if you swear on it
it'll most likely swear back on you
there will be no need to stay up at solstices
no scrounging about clearings
paying masons to carve out your gargoyles
it may be of use to impress the ladies
it will definitely be of use to show the blokes up
keep your bincolulars in the cupboard
you won't need to pray or prey
no need to whack yourself silly
or wear a shirt of hessian
hardly a demanding book
not like some
you can still peep through the keyhole
and you can tell your cousin all about it
you might make out the hut in the woods
the one beyond the lake
and learn the meaning of life
you won't need to follow a gourd
eat acid laced lichen
and speak with its avatars
then again, the book won't commit itself
best of all there are no illustrations
so you can dream it all up
the protagonists will follow your intelligent design
fuck the pope's
keep on your toes
sooner or later
someone will throw it at you
doesn't lead anywhere
not involving any crucibles, chalices or dreaming spires
sits you down when you least expect it
won't make any promises
doesn't demand you paint your shoes
it will let you use electricity
doesn't make you wear silly hats or robes
lets you trim your beard and sideburns
it doesn't have a holy land
and won't demand crusades
no tall stories about big heads
women play a prominent role
not just seductresses and mothers
sweet mother earth
what are you worth?
you can eat all the meat you want
goat, pork, beef and rodent
it will leave you with some doubt
but none of it will be about the book
double spacing
extra large print
if you swear on it
it'll most likely swear back on you
there will be no need to stay up at solstices
no scrounging about clearings
paying masons to carve out your gargoyles
it may be of use to impress the ladies
it will definitely be of use to show the blokes up
keep your bincolulars in the cupboard
you won't need to pray or prey
no need to whack yourself silly
or wear a shirt of hessian
hardly a demanding book
not like some
you can still peep through the keyhole
and you can tell your cousin all about it
you might make out the hut in the woods
the one beyond the lake
and learn the meaning of life
you won't need to follow a gourd
eat acid laced lichen
and speak with its avatars
then again, the book won't commit itself
best of all there are no illustrations
so you can dream it all up
the protagonists will follow your intelligent design
fuck the pope's
keep on your toes
sooner or later
someone will throw it at you
Sunday, August 27, 2006
black in metropolis
it is a little known fact that before the 1970's the world was entirely black and white
your grandparents met in black and white
the cote d'azure was known as the cote de gris
your dad was born in black and white
wars were fought with black bullets
shooting greyish soldiers
the blood they shed was more black than white
the sun beat down in a greyish white
causing blackish sunburn (and cancer)
embarassed schoolgirls blushed grey
when a handsome man smiled their way
Harold Holt drowned in black and white
the divers who searched for his body were greyish
the japanese who didn't take him were a darker shade of grey
the beatles mops were plenty black
to offset their white shirts
race was harder to define
greenpeace struggled for identity
the trains and trams were shades of black
(not actually possible)
it didn't specifically slow them down
the rails were a blackish hue
and the passengers didn't dare break the monochrome
charlie black was a favourite kids comic
political scandals all occurred in black and white
prostitutes plied there trade with glossy black lipstick
short blackish dresses
and lurid greyish white make up
family reunions were all variants of grey
little boys ran around in their grey long shorts
baby girls had slightly whiter jump suits
blues music was generally known as greys
at xmas time all the presents were wrapped in colourful black and white paper
sometimes black with grey splashes and white dots
the fireworks sure were something to behold
lighting the black sky up with splashes of white and grey
nobody ever succeeded in painting the town red
big hair was often black, grey or white
never red, brown or blonde
'all the colours of the rainbow' meant a little less
blackish oceans with white caps rocked black boats
schools of grey fish dived and weaved to avoid the vivid white seabirds with their black beaks
ignorant white men in north america called the indigineous peoples greyskins
juries sat on dark grey benches
listening to black haired lawyers
whilst defendants shivered in their black suits
blood black roses promised eternal devotion
cowards were accused of being light grey
for not dying pointlessly in a foreign land
mobsters sped down dark grey alleys in their black cars
burning down black shops with dazzling white flames
and beat them black and white
when the proprietors paid no heed money
pouring nice grey concrete booties for supergrassi
that screamed black murder as they were dragged down the pier
politicians took black and white bribes
so grey buildings could take the place of blackened forests
i wonder what oranges were called?
and
Limebeavers were unheard of...
your grandparents met in black and white
the cote d'azure was known as the cote de gris
your dad was born in black and white
wars were fought with black bullets
shooting greyish soldiers
the blood they shed was more black than white
the sun beat down in a greyish white
causing blackish sunburn (and cancer)
embarassed schoolgirls blushed grey
when a handsome man smiled their way
Harold Holt drowned in black and white
the divers who searched for his body were greyish
the japanese who didn't take him were a darker shade of grey
the beatles mops were plenty black
to offset their white shirts
race was harder to define
greenpeace struggled for identity
the trains and trams were shades of black
(not actually possible)
it didn't specifically slow them down
the rails were a blackish hue
and the passengers didn't dare break the monochrome
charlie black was a favourite kids comic
political scandals all occurred in black and white
prostitutes plied there trade with glossy black lipstick
short blackish dresses
and lurid greyish white make up
family reunions were all variants of grey
little boys ran around in their grey long shorts
baby girls had slightly whiter jump suits
blues music was generally known as greys
at xmas time all the presents were wrapped in colourful black and white paper
sometimes black with grey splashes and white dots
the fireworks sure were something to behold
lighting the black sky up with splashes of white and grey
nobody ever succeeded in painting the town red
big hair was often black, grey or white
never red, brown or blonde
'all the colours of the rainbow' meant a little less
blackish oceans with white caps rocked black boats
schools of grey fish dived and weaved to avoid the vivid white seabirds with their black beaks
ignorant white men in north america called the indigineous peoples greyskins
juries sat on dark grey benches
listening to black haired lawyers
whilst defendants shivered in their black suits
blood black roses promised eternal devotion
cowards were accused of being light grey
for not dying pointlessly in a foreign land
mobsters sped down dark grey alleys in their black cars
burning down black shops with dazzling white flames
and beat them black and white
when the proprietors paid no heed money
pouring nice grey concrete booties for supergrassi
that screamed black murder as they were dragged down the pier
politicians took black and white bribes
so grey buildings could take the place of blackened forests
i wonder what oranges were called?
and
Limebeavers were unheard of...
Saturday, August 26, 2006
great 'taches of the 20th century
weird al yankovic
e-babes
carlos valderamma
hitler
merv hughes
david boon
george donikian
tom selleck
lenin
burt reynolds
george roper
salvador dali
john cleese
fletch
ron jeremy
nigel mansell
inspector clouseau
peter cook
harold pompino
david cloke
george harrison
uncle roger
funk
rodney marsh
errol flynn
mother theresa
stalin
fu man chu
genghis khan (his hardness overruns any timeline concerns)
saddam hussein
kalyan ramjisain
Ned flanders
gerald sbrugnera
homerclese
Mr Adams
Frank Ulm
natasha varga
freddie mercury
Polish males (cold war)
greek females (over 50)
shell suited pale teen brits
arab, arabs and some more arabs
alfonse arseberg
albert einstein
Lionel Ritchie
DID I MISS ANYBODY?
e-babes
carlos valderamma
hitler
merv hughes
david boon
george donikian
tom selleck
lenin
burt reynolds
george roper
salvador dali
john cleese
fletch
ron jeremy
nigel mansell
inspector clouseau
peter cook
harold pompino
david cloke
george harrison
uncle roger
funk
rodney marsh
errol flynn
mother theresa
stalin
fu man chu
genghis khan (his hardness overruns any timeline concerns)
saddam hussein
kalyan ramjisain
Ned flanders
gerald sbrugnera
homerclese
Mr Adams
Frank Ulm
natasha varga
freddie mercury
Polish males (cold war)
greek females (over 50)
shell suited pale teen brits
arab, arabs and some more arabs
alfonse arseberg
albert einstein
Lionel Ritchie
DID I MISS ANYBODY?
Friday, August 25, 2006
copyrite lite ?
The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament. My childhood was typical. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds- pretty standard really. At the age of twelve I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking- I highly suggest you try it.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Impotence
collective punishment is a war crime
Israel has been collectively punishing Palestinians since the state existed
now they have taken once again to collectively punishing the Lebanese
anybody remember Ariel Bastard Sharon directing the slaughter at Shabrila refugee camp in the 1980's?
all with the tacit approval of the USA
let's try on ethnic cleansing
USA and Europe look the other way through guilt
keep playing the guilt card
nobody can criticize you that way
let's bomb UN observers
let's shoot down pacifists
Israel destroyed huge parts of the infrastructure of Lebanon
will Israel pay for the damage done?
where Hizbollah fighters were nowhere to be seen
Israel was looking for an excuse
cross-border skirmishes happen all the time
over a thousand lebanese were killed
the large majority were innocents
children.....
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE JUSTICE IN THIS?
sure, hizbollah were a huge threat to the state of Israel
the Israel with great big fuck off nuclear weapons
the US rushed bombs across oceans for the laying waste of Beirut
somebody in the armaments industry earned well
Israel was founded on a lie
the israelites never committed suicide at Masada
rather than fight the romans
spin only spin
a state then built on guilt
dispossessing the indigenous peoples
making them second class citizens in their own land
and progressively grabbing at more and more land
Sheba farms, Golan Hights, huge chunks of the West Bank and Gaza, Sinai...
what stems from religion,
what stems from (claims of) race
Race; can you convert to a race?
Race; can you be of a race if it is only passed on via the mother?
therefore you could be 1% hebrew but still a Jew
Gentiles... well they are all going to hell
not gods chosen people
it's okay they are inferior
we can treat them as we wish
one Israeli life is worth a thousand arabs
propped up by the USA
influential jews in Washington
and more sadly
the christian tossers that hope to convert the jews at armageddon
quick, let's cry 'anti-semitism'
semitism is a way of life
arabs are semitic people
so let's just all turn a blind eye as before
let israel build it's wall
nowhere near the agreed borders
steal more land
control more water
make Palestine ungovernable which gives the excuse to keep up persecution
any state, democratic or otherwise based on race and/or religion
is RACIST
go fuck yourselves
you are no better than the people around you
your god is false
and you are fools to believe otherwise
israel is the architect of its own doom
the USA is holding its hand on the way down
great idea
make yourself more hated by your neighbours
history is cyclical
and a lot more innocent people are going to die
ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Israel has been collectively punishing Palestinians since the state existed
now they have taken once again to collectively punishing the Lebanese
anybody remember Ariel Bastard Sharon directing the slaughter at Shabrila refugee camp in the 1980's?
all with the tacit approval of the USA
let's try on ethnic cleansing
USA and Europe look the other way through guilt
keep playing the guilt card
nobody can criticize you that way
let's bomb UN observers
let's shoot down pacifists
Israel destroyed huge parts of the infrastructure of Lebanon
will Israel pay for the damage done?
where Hizbollah fighters were nowhere to be seen
Israel was looking for an excuse
cross-border skirmishes happen all the time
over a thousand lebanese were killed
the large majority were innocents
children.....
WHERE THE FUCK IS THE JUSTICE IN THIS?
sure, hizbollah were a huge threat to the state of Israel
the Israel with great big fuck off nuclear weapons
the US rushed bombs across oceans for the laying waste of Beirut
somebody in the armaments industry earned well
Israel was founded on a lie
the israelites never committed suicide at Masada
rather than fight the romans
spin only spin
a state then built on guilt
dispossessing the indigenous peoples
making them second class citizens in their own land
and progressively grabbing at more and more land
Sheba farms, Golan Hights, huge chunks of the West Bank and Gaza, Sinai...
what stems from religion,
what stems from (claims of) race
Race; can you convert to a race?
Race; can you be of a race if it is only passed on via the mother?
therefore you could be 1% hebrew but still a Jew
Gentiles... well they are all going to hell
not gods chosen people
it's okay they are inferior
we can treat them as we wish
one Israeli life is worth a thousand arabs
propped up by the USA
influential jews in Washington
and more sadly
the christian tossers that hope to convert the jews at armageddon
quick, let's cry 'anti-semitism'
semitism is a way of life
arabs are semitic people
so let's just all turn a blind eye as before
let israel build it's wall
nowhere near the agreed borders
steal more land
control more water
make Palestine ungovernable which gives the excuse to keep up persecution
any state, democratic or otherwise based on race and/or religion
is RACIST
go fuck yourselves
you are no better than the people around you
your god is false
and you are fools to believe otherwise
israel is the architect of its own doom
the USA is holding its hand on the way down
great idea
make yourself more hated by your neighbours
history is cyclical
and a lot more innocent people are going to die
ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
i wish that i could remember...
I don't recall the face
I don't remember the features
it could have been momentous
It might not have been worthy
it should have been more noteworthy
a blaze of haze
fireworks and a grand show
any old tripe might have thrilled
smoke, noise and dark corners
spinning mirror balls lighting up faces
only fleetingly
that might have been a smile
not so different from a grimace though
body language slurs
what's that sensation?
love, hate ?
no, only indifference
lean on a cigarette machine
nonchalance resembles no chance
quick, read too much into it...
there might be no time like the moment just passed
somebody did feel the vibe
huddle in the corner
feel the studs in the back
watching the flailing
unobtainable and visceral
a vital piece of communication just flew by
next stop on the luff bus is long gone
press the button
walk the hill
past the posh school and the playing fields
the name of the street was what?
how on earth can one recall the place from one glance?
self assurance falls face flat
12 years on he said that she felt
the horizontal stripes ring a bell
that perfume makes me think of greece
meet the sunshine
smiles from the bus park
inner beauty that hurts your eyes
random encounters in a language nobody speaks
right, now we are all off to mackerdoniere...
I don't remember the features
it could have been momentous
It might not have been worthy
it should have been more noteworthy
a blaze of haze
fireworks and a grand show
any old tripe might have thrilled
smoke, noise and dark corners
spinning mirror balls lighting up faces
only fleetingly
that might have been a smile
not so different from a grimace though
body language slurs
what's that sensation?
love, hate ?
no, only indifference
lean on a cigarette machine
nonchalance resembles no chance
quick, read too much into it...
there might be no time like the moment just passed
somebody did feel the vibe
huddle in the corner
feel the studs in the back
watching the flailing
unobtainable and visceral
a vital piece of communication just flew by
next stop on the luff bus is long gone
press the button
walk the hill
past the posh school and the playing fields
the name of the street was what?
how on earth can one recall the place from one glance?
self assurance falls face flat
12 years on he said that she felt
the horizontal stripes ring a bell
that perfume makes me think of greece
meet the sunshine
smiles from the bus park
inner beauty that hurts your eyes
random encounters in a language nobody speaks
right, now we are all off to mackerdoniere...
Monday, August 21, 2006
Opiniondated
Have an opinion on;
evil lying bastard politicians
maggots that destroy the planet
corporate arseholes that finance it
religious morons who think they can tell you how to live
commercial media the world over
sucking beyond all reasonable realms of suckdom
forests laid waste
the treatment of indigineous peoples
the politicisation of indigineous issues
men that control women's lives in the name of tradition
music that makes you shiver
and feel something despite all the drugs, distractions and dirge
International systems that keep the downtrodden down
the control of power by the few
Murdoch, Berluschifo, Packer...
the rich countries that shit on the poor countries
and rig the system so it shall be so in the future
Pharmaceutical companies screwing with peoples lives
Shell shooting Nigerians
friends that aren't so in name only
rascism, sexism, ageism and any other ism that Ferris didn't nominate
the world
not just your little whole
Israelis destroying the homes of lebanese and Palestinians
Australia following the US no matter how stupid
Tony Blair drunk on power
if he's the poodle
what does that make Howard?
got it, a WORM
Moroccans poaching Western Sahara
Indonesians thieving West Papua
Janjaweed killing black people in Sudan
Han chinese invading tibet
Burma and Thailand destroying the Karen
Holland being swallowed by Muslims
Khmer temples ransacked
Buddha statues blown to bits by Taleban
Idiotic Ecuadorians messing with the Galapagos
Idiotic Americans messing with the world
Japan lying about whaling, fishing
and rewriting history
the radicalisation of Islam
the radicalisation of Judaism
the radicalisation of Hinduism
the radicalisation of Christianity
and so on.
Worker rights put to the sword
stem cell research held back by the backwards
people locked up without charge
unaustralian activites!
current affairs programs
right wing columnists and shock jocks
exploitation of those that cannot defend themselves
anti-abortionists that kill
And
smug fuckers
evil lying bastard politicians
maggots that destroy the planet
corporate arseholes that finance it
religious morons who think they can tell you how to live
commercial media the world over
sucking beyond all reasonable realms of suckdom
forests laid waste
the treatment of indigineous peoples
the politicisation of indigineous issues
men that control women's lives in the name of tradition
music that makes you shiver
and feel something despite all the drugs, distractions and dirge
International systems that keep the downtrodden down
the control of power by the few
Murdoch, Berluschifo, Packer...
the rich countries that shit on the poor countries
and rig the system so it shall be so in the future
Pharmaceutical companies screwing with peoples lives
Shell shooting Nigerians
friends that aren't so in name only
rascism, sexism, ageism and any other ism that Ferris didn't nominate
the world
not just your little whole
Israelis destroying the homes of lebanese and Palestinians
Australia following the US no matter how stupid
Tony Blair drunk on power
if he's the poodle
what does that make Howard?
got it, a WORM
Moroccans poaching Western Sahara
Indonesians thieving West Papua
Janjaweed killing black people in Sudan
Han chinese invading tibet
Burma and Thailand destroying the Karen
Holland being swallowed by Muslims
Khmer temples ransacked
Buddha statues blown to bits by Taleban
Idiotic Ecuadorians messing with the Galapagos
Idiotic Americans messing with the world
Japan lying about whaling, fishing
and rewriting history
the radicalisation of Islam
the radicalisation of Judaism
the radicalisation of Hinduism
the radicalisation of Christianity
and so on.
Worker rights put to the sword
stem cell research held back by the backwards
people locked up without charge
unaustralian activites!
current affairs programs
right wing columnists and shock jocks
exploitation of those that cannot defend themselves
anti-abortionists that kill
And
smug fuckers
Sunday, August 20, 2006
Ted Nugent is really quite a peaceable fellow
on a track, winding back near a shed and a shack
there is Ted Nugent.
previously known principally for his riffs and his rants
now it has been observed to be a place of peace and tranquility
have you heard about maria? she hated the ratrace...
the trees that haven't been cut down for their own good
are thick on the ground
except they stand tall
there is the splish splash, crick, crock GALUOOMPSHSHHS
of the waterfallen
there are rocks, boulders and ents
there are sticks
oh, how many sticks
all shapes and sizes
some mysteriously unnatural forms
still, they all taste the sameish
there are 2 pubs
2 pool tables
and the saw blade of damocles is everywhere you tread
D O N ' T L O O K U P
so keep still, keep your eyes peeled, roll up your trouser legs
wood fires, wood huts, wood tables, wood chairs
would you?
note to self, water is wet, regardless of altitude
the serenity was most serene
try ripping your hands off
dunking your legs in gelid waters
risking stupid neck on slippery substance
what did Blugh say?
"and isn't the view so lovely"
or was it Angala the cubscout cheerleader
there was nothing prim about this rose cheeked lover
there was very little shouting
except during feature length presentation of commercials
tripe with extra lard thanks
a distinct lack of loony righties conspiring
meaty delights, salad days, and individual portions provided by you know who
sax in the bedroom was bad
whitney was whiffy
Jesus was just irrelevant
and how about trestle?
ever feel that trestle is what's missing in your marriage?
"if only we could have trestle on a regular basis"
Ted provides all the trestle you could ever need
if you are a worry wort, and fear the rise of the right
come on down to Ted Nugent
did you feel it?
could you smell it?
something was moving under the surface
something desirous of affection
it stirs, stirs again and then leaves you wondering about your immagination
shouldn't have mainlined that smack !
Love is never in the air
that's just loves residue
and unless you are inundated with peaches
you know it's gonna hurt
it will take the sustenance right out of your hand
make you question your core needs
kick you right where you expect it least
drool lascivously on your leg
beseeching, imploring... love me, love me...
it's all one way traffic down Ted Terrace
there is Ted Nugent.
previously known principally for his riffs and his rants
now it has been observed to be a place of peace and tranquility
have you heard about maria? she hated the ratrace...
the trees that haven't been cut down for their own good
are thick on the ground
except they stand tall
there is the splish splash, crick, crock GALUOOMPSHSHHS
of the waterfallen
there are rocks, boulders and ents
there are sticks
oh, how many sticks
all shapes and sizes
some mysteriously unnatural forms
still, they all taste the sameish
there are 2 pubs
2 pool tables
and the saw blade of damocles is everywhere you tread
D O N ' T L O O K U P
so keep still, keep your eyes peeled, roll up your trouser legs
wood fires, wood huts, wood tables, wood chairs
would you?
note to self, water is wet, regardless of altitude
the serenity was most serene
try ripping your hands off
dunking your legs in gelid waters
risking stupid neck on slippery substance
what did Blugh say?
"and isn't the view so lovely"
or was it Angala the cubscout cheerleader
there was nothing prim about this rose cheeked lover
there was very little shouting
except during feature length presentation of commercials
tripe with extra lard thanks
a distinct lack of loony righties conspiring
meaty delights, salad days, and individual portions provided by you know who
sax in the bedroom was bad
whitney was whiffy
Jesus was just irrelevant
and how about trestle?
ever feel that trestle is what's missing in your marriage?
"if only we could have trestle on a regular basis"
Ted provides all the trestle you could ever need
if you are a worry wort, and fear the rise of the right
come on down to Ted Nugent
did you feel it?
could you smell it?
something was moving under the surface
something desirous of affection
it stirs, stirs again and then leaves you wondering about your immagination
shouldn't have mainlined that smack !
Love is never in the air
that's just loves residue
and unless you are inundated with peaches
you know it's gonna hurt
it will take the sustenance right out of your hand
make you question your core needs
kick you right where you expect it least
drool lascivously on your leg
beseeching, imploring... love me, love me...
it's all one way traffic down Ted Terrace
Friday, August 18, 2006
my lunch is bigger than your lunch
today some bloke drove a truck off a bridge
some other bloke shot dozens of people with a variety of guns
another type beat more than 30 people to death with a baseball bat
there were about 15 shoot-outs with the police
every one ending the same way
the taxi service was thrown into disarray
ambulances ran down bystanders
then backed over then to make sure they were squashed
a remote controlled car exploded several times
a prostitute kept asking when she was going to be 'drilled'
one guy drowned again and again
the magic fixit shoppe disappeared off the face
around 50 police cars were written off
still beating hearts were found levitating in curious places
but not so curious as police badges
the hospital staff proved handy at fisticuffs
the asian triad gunpower was overwhelming
bloody footsteps marred footpaths/sidewalks/pavements
Luigi had a quiet one
Misty never saw the hymen coming
a suicide bomber blew himself and a police car sky high
secret alleways proved to be the key
a bus full of seats flipped its wig
the docks proved full of life
from ducks til yorn
the streets were full of mincing nancies
strutting hoods with bats
ladies of ill repute
homeboys that wore their dickheadistry like a broach
the radio blared
all kinds of crap
from whinging lowbrow tosspots
to testicle grabbing thuds
a big bad car with flames on went fast
into a wall
a series of old ladies in tracksuits ducked for cover
gangsters packing peat were quick to settle scores
the folks down at the hospital were quite understanding
as long as you had the cash
market forces and all that jazz
I'm off to pack my bags
this much excitement could give one a fit
some other bloke shot dozens of people with a variety of guns
another type beat more than 30 people to death with a baseball bat
there were about 15 shoot-outs with the police
every one ending the same way
the taxi service was thrown into disarray
ambulances ran down bystanders
then backed over then to make sure they were squashed
a remote controlled car exploded several times
a prostitute kept asking when she was going to be 'drilled'
one guy drowned again and again
the magic fixit shoppe disappeared off the face
around 50 police cars were written off
still beating hearts were found levitating in curious places
but not so curious as police badges
the hospital staff proved handy at fisticuffs
the asian triad gunpower was overwhelming
bloody footsteps marred footpaths/sidewalks/pavements
Luigi had a quiet one
Misty never saw the hymen coming
a suicide bomber blew himself and a police car sky high
secret alleways proved to be the key
a bus full of seats flipped its wig
the docks proved full of life
from ducks til yorn
the streets were full of mincing nancies
strutting hoods with bats
ladies of ill repute
homeboys that wore their dickheadistry like a broach
the radio blared
all kinds of crap
from whinging lowbrow tosspots
to testicle grabbing thuds
a big bad car with flames on went fast
into a wall
a series of old ladies in tracksuits ducked for cover
gangsters packing peat were quick to settle scores
the folks down at the hospital were quite understanding
as long as you had the cash
market forces and all that jazz
I'm off to pack my bags
this much excitement could give one a fit
not burt reynolds
it wasn't burt reynolds
they weren't his ties
it wasn't his grooved bouffant
it wasn't his way with the ladies
it wasn't his good cop routine
His sartore never cut so fine a figure
the trousers weren't his
the moustache could have past for his
in a stormy night
but
it wasn't his moustache
it wasn't his perma-tan
it was a bit to crinkly for burt
it wasn't him not getting off with hot bird
as if he would do that
it wasn't him liaising
not by a long stretch
that dicky eye was never his
those logic benders didn't have his odour
and that earnesttness didn't call his name
he was a passable shadow
but only an umbrella of his former self
James Mason couldn't quite cut it
burt wouldnt live in a box
as for sabotage
burt might be up for that
they weren't his ties
it wasn't his grooved bouffant
it wasn't his way with the ladies
it wasn't his good cop routine
His sartore never cut so fine a figure
the trousers weren't his
the moustache could have past for his
in a stormy night
but
it wasn't his moustache
it wasn't his perma-tan
it was a bit to crinkly for burt
it wasn't him not getting off with hot bird
as if he would do that
it wasn't him liaising
not by a long stretch
that dicky eye was never his
those logic benders didn't have his odour
and that earnesttness didn't call his name
he was a passable shadow
but only an umbrella of his former self
James Mason couldn't quite cut it
burt wouldnt live in a box
as for sabotage
burt might be up for that
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
Your god is a vengeful god
Barlouvis knew what had been going on
Those dastardly plotters were doing their level best to bring her down.
Trying to dislodge her from the position of most popular monarch of the 12th dynasty
The frustrating thing was there was little she could do
As the titular Queen and Pharoah she wielded all power
But in practice, very little
The real influence lay with the religious leaders
She had extended herself as best she could
Depicting herself with a beard no less
To show was the equal of a male leader
She had used the stick and ignored the carrot
when dealing with the troublesome neighbours
Why, had she not been lauded after the rout of the hittites?
The assyrians were formidable
but they had suffered heavy losses and ceded much territory
before her royal armed machine...
But still they intrigued and projected themselves beyond her
Sometimes she wondered if she really was the mistress of all she purveyed
It was hard to shake the feeling that the slaves felt themselves equal
They never grew up in a sacred temple
They never had servants at to service their every whim
She yearned to remove the Nordic vizier that dogged her steps
Yes, it is obedient now, but for how long?
there was a glint of madness in those dark, dark eyes
The religious leaders and interpreters of the gods had always held power
But this was a little close to the bone
Any attempt to subtract power would be bound to fail
And could force their hand
She had seen how interlopers had been mauled when they made their play...
The other members of the royal family were placid enough
As long as she humoured them with affection and companionship
They would serve their function
she wondered if they too had worldly aspirations...
And, as they were yet to learn they would lie with her in her mighty tomb
The tomb that would cast a shadow over the lesser steppes, pyramids and temples
Ramses the 4th was a fool, she thought
Sandstone was for lightweights
Through the eye of the rope of life,
50 cubits high, the astronomers had plotted her path to the afterlife
where she would bathe forever in asses milk
eat at the table of the gods
And lounge, doze and be adored as her position merited
It was enough to make her wonder if perhaps time had been wasting
Perhaps there was a short cut to the afterlife?
Those dastardly plotters were doing their level best to bring her down.
Trying to dislodge her from the position of most popular monarch of the 12th dynasty
The frustrating thing was there was little she could do
As the titular Queen and Pharoah she wielded all power
But in practice, very little
The real influence lay with the religious leaders
She had extended herself as best she could
Depicting herself with a beard no less
To show was the equal of a male leader
She had used the stick and ignored the carrot
when dealing with the troublesome neighbours
Why, had she not been lauded after the rout of the hittites?
The assyrians were formidable
but they had suffered heavy losses and ceded much territory
before her royal armed machine...
But still they intrigued and projected themselves beyond her
Sometimes she wondered if she really was the mistress of all she purveyed
It was hard to shake the feeling that the slaves felt themselves equal
They never grew up in a sacred temple
They never had servants at to service their every whim
She yearned to remove the Nordic vizier that dogged her steps
Yes, it is obedient now, but for how long?
there was a glint of madness in those dark, dark eyes
The religious leaders and interpreters of the gods had always held power
But this was a little close to the bone
Any attempt to subtract power would be bound to fail
And could force their hand
She had seen how interlopers had been mauled when they made their play...
The other members of the royal family were placid enough
As long as she humoured them with affection and companionship
They would serve their function
she wondered if they too had worldly aspirations...
And, as they were yet to learn they would lie with her in her mighty tomb
The tomb that would cast a shadow over the lesser steppes, pyramids and temples
Ramses the 4th was a fool, she thought
Sandstone was for lightweights
Through the eye of the rope of life,
50 cubits high, the astronomers had plotted her path to the afterlife
where she would bathe forever in asses milk
eat at the table of the gods
And lounge, doze and be adored as her position merited
It was enough to make her wonder if perhaps time had been wasting
Perhaps there was a short cut to the afterlife?
Monday, August 14, 2006
do you feel at a loss?
The annual Festival of the Kerryn has just left town.
There were pretty dancing girls
Colourful hats
smoke filled noisy venues
tribute bands
trite conversations
police 'minding' the doorways
to keep out the undesirables
A swinging thing
Sore lower back muscles
Plenty of shouting
Giggling for all
Some monster raving lunacy
It's your gene pool, swim in it!
The pack animals are looking bedraggled
Carting, packing, freaking and preparing
We all paid tribute to the gods
That provided such bounty
The statue was dressed in its fineries
or its fripperies
the street parade
or carnival if you are there
went on like an endless sea
I suspect some tributes were given more than once
The ritual sacrifices at teh altar were made
pigs blood ruined a dress or two
All that remains now is to mop down the marquee
pay off the prostitutes
and burn any incriminating evidence
now to freeze 'til you burn
There were pretty dancing girls
Colourful hats
smoke filled noisy venues
tribute bands
trite conversations
police 'minding' the doorways
to keep out the undesirables
A swinging thing
Sore lower back muscles
Plenty of shouting
Giggling for all
Some monster raving lunacy
It's your gene pool, swim in it!
The pack animals are looking bedraggled
Carting, packing, freaking and preparing
We all paid tribute to the gods
That provided such bounty
The statue was dressed in its fineries
or its fripperies
the street parade
or carnival if you are there
went on like an endless sea
I suspect some tributes were given more than once
The ritual sacrifices at teh altar were made
pigs blood ruined a dress or two
All that remains now is to mop down the marquee
pay off the prostitutes
and burn any incriminating evidence
now to freeze 'til you burn
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Friday, August 11, 2006
I think i've got lazyitis...
Football Man takes on massive job at Big Club
The Guardian
Harry Pearson
Friday August 11, 2006
There were excited scenes this week when the predictions of the PR wing of the Big Club were proved correct and A Football Man was unveiled as the Big Club's new manager. A Football Man succeeds A Man the Fans Could Never Really Relate To who left the club 10 days ago by mutual sacking. Speaking for the first time from his freshly designated parking place, A Football Man, whose appointment has been an open secret with local bookmakers ever since his name appeared in the frame after he threw his hat into the ring following a six-month sabbatical to pursue unemployment and other opportunities outside the game, said he was delighted with his new role. "Everyone knows that the Big Club is a genuine football club," he said. "The whole place lives, breathes and sweats football. It's 110% wall-to-wall solid football through and through from the carpet tiles to the tea lady's hair and the heavens beyond, and you can't beat that in mine or anyone else's book."Make no mistake, the job here is massive but that is what attracted me to the salary. The players' heads are down, their tails are between their legs and the crowd is on their backs. I don't make promises but one thing I will promise is that I will bring back effort, pride, character and card schools to this club."We are in the trenches. It is a time for the players to roll their sleeves up, dig deep and say, 'Just deal the cards, fat man' in a Clint Eastwood voice. That way, even if they fail, they can at least look themselves square in the mirror and say they gave it the best shot with the hand they were dealt, because if they don't they will kick themselves for the rest of their lives and they'll deserve to."It's a pressure-cooker situation. But I love a pressure cooker. I love a battle. I love a Chinese-style steamer pan. I love being up the creek in a hole with my back to the wall and a corner to turn and a mountain to climb. People who know me will tell you that I relish a challenge.""He relishes a challenge," A Man Who Knows Him said. Asked what he thought The Man He Knows would bring to the challenge he relishes, A Man Who Knows Him added: "Football Man is a great motivator. He knows when to put his arm round your shoulder and when to kick your backside and when to put his arm round your backside and kick your shoulder and sometimes both at once, if he deems it necessary so to do.""I don't suffer fools gladly, and that applies to myself as much as anybody," Football Man continued, "but I come in with no preconceived ideas - except about bringing back hanging to protect Britain's kiddies, obviously. All the players will start with a clean sheet but if they blot their copybook I will mark their card and they will be on their bikes showing me a clean pair of heels before their feet touch the ground".This was believed to be a veiled reference to Want-away Striker, who earlier in the week issued a come-and-get-me plea in an attempt to end his English nightmare.However, last night Want-away Striker moved to distance himself from himself, saying: "You shouldn't believe everything I say in the newspapers. Most of it is just paper talk and the rest is an old story I rehashed from mistranslated quotes that I made up a long time ago. What is happening Signor Capello? Did you lose my mobile number? No, I never said that."Supporters of the Big Club had never warmed to A Man The Fans Could Never Really Relate To, but they were ecstatic about the appointment of Football Man. One excited season-ticket holder, who had once met a reporter at a party and given him his telephone number in case he ever wanted any plumbing done, said: "Although he has never actually won anything Football Man is a 24-carat winner. He will put a spring back in the face of this football club and smiles in a few bellies. Ever since he walked through the door there has been a buzz about the place, which is probably because he brought his beehives with him."A widely respected former player, who now works for local radio in between pubs, concurred: "Except when it is all about results, the game is all about confidence. Football Man will get the dressing room behind him and he will get the dressing room bubbling again. And everyone in football knows that if you have a bubbling dressing room behind you and pulling in the same direction when it comes to turning things around, then that is half the battle. But half a battle does not win a war and Football Man will know that better than anyone, even me probably."In all the elation surrounding Football Man's appointment one voice sounded a note of caution, however. An Embittered Ex-pro commented: "I wish him well, but nothing is as good as it was in my day and there are far too many foreigners. Did I tell you about that time Nozzer, Snozzer and me got in the bath with Miss Felixstowe Maplin's 1972?
The Guardian
Harry Pearson
Friday August 11, 2006
There were excited scenes this week when the predictions of the PR wing of the Big Club were proved correct and A Football Man was unveiled as the Big Club's new manager. A Football Man succeeds A Man the Fans Could Never Really Relate To who left the club 10 days ago by mutual sacking. Speaking for the first time from his freshly designated parking place, A Football Man, whose appointment has been an open secret with local bookmakers ever since his name appeared in the frame after he threw his hat into the ring following a six-month sabbatical to pursue unemployment and other opportunities outside the game, said he was delighted with his new role. "Everyone knows that the Big Club is a genuine football club," he said. "The whole place lives, breathes and sweats football. It's 110% wall-to-wall solid football through and through from the carpet tiles to the tea lady's hair and the heavens beyond, and you can't beat that in mine or anyone else's book."Make no mistake, the job here is massive but that is what attracted me to the salary. The players' heads are down, their tails are between their legs and the crowd is on their backs. I don't make promises but one thing I will promise is that I will bring back effort, pride, character and card schools to this club."We are in the trenches. It is a time for the players to roll their sleeves up, dig deep and say, 'Just deal the cards, fat man' in a Clint Eastwood voice. That way, even if they fail, they can at least look themselves square in the mirror and say they gave it the best shot with the hand they were dealt, because if they don't they will kick themselves for the rest of their lives and they'll deserve to."It's a pressure-cooker situation. But I love a pressure cooker. I love a battle. I love a Chinese-style steamer pan. I love being up the creek in a hole with my back to the wall and a corner to turn and a mountain to climb. People who know me will tell you that I relish a challenge.""He relishes a challenge," A Man Who Knows Him said. Asked what he thought The Man He Knows would bring to the challenge he relishes, A Man Who Knows Him added: "Football Man is a great motivator. He knows when to put his arm round your shoulder and when to kick your backside and when to put his arm round your backside and kick your shoulder and sometimes both at once, if he deems it necessary so to do.""I don't suffer fools gladly, and that applies to myself as much as anybody," Football Man continued, "but I come in with no preconceived ideas - except about bringing back hanging to protect Britain's kiddies, obviously. All the players will start with a clean sheet but if they blot their copybook I will mark their card and they will be on their bikes showing me a clean pair of heels before their feet touch the ground".This was believed to be a veiled reference to Want-away Striker, who earlier in the week issued a come-and-get-me plea in an attempt to end his English nightmare.However, last night Want-away Striker moved to distance himself from himself, saying: "You shouldn't believe everything I say in the newspapers. Most of it is just paper talk and the rest is an old story I rehashed from mistranslated quotes that I made up a long time ago. What is happening Signor Capello? Did you lose my mobile number? No, I never said that."Supporters of the Big Club had never warmed to A Man The Fans Could Never Really Relate To, but they were ecstatic about the appointment of Football Man. One excited season-ticket holder, who had once met a reporter at a party and given him his telephone number in case he ever wanted any plumbing done, said: "Although he has never actually won anything Football Man is a 24-carat winner. He will put a spring back in the face of this football club and smiles in a few bellies. Ever since he walked through the door there has been a buzz about the place, which is probably because he brought his beehives with him."A widely respected former player, who now works for local radio in between pubs, concurred: "Except when it is all about results, the game is all about confidence. Football Man will get the dressing room behind him and he will get the dressing room bubbling again. And everyone in football knows that if you have a bubbling dressing room behind you and pulling in the same direction when it comes to turning things around, then that is half the battle. But half a battle does not win a war and Football Man will know that better than anyone, even me probably."In all the elation surrounding Football Man's appointment one voice sounded a note of caution, however. An Embittered Ex-pro commented: "I wish him well, but nothing is as good as it was in my day and there are far too many foreigners. Did I tell you about that time Nozzer, Snozzer and me got in the bath with Miss Felixstowe Maplin's 1972?
Thursday, August 10, 2006
The graveyard shift
what is it now ?
A spooky piece of underwear?
A surveillance of the dead
A trained assassin that you have read about?
A late night session on the grid?
An undertaker-uhaul service?
The lightest of tremors caused by plates?
A ghoulishly tenebrous time slot?
The crazy excesses of the boys?
A hotbed of iniquity?
That sinking feeling?
That wasn't the earth moving?
Something that will elude you in this lifetime?
A yawning orifice to be filled with cloth?
Where the fight is over?
A place for 'special' friends?
Satan's representative on the crust?
A symbol of a bygone era?
More peach crumble than could have been hoped for?
A failure by anyones admission?
A looming menace?
Not a big deal really?
A spooky piece of underwear?
A surveillance of the dead
A trained assassin that you have read about?
A late night session on the grid?
An undertaker-uhaul service?
The lightest of tremors caused by plates?
A ghoulishly tenebrous time slot?
The crazy excesses of the boys?
A hotbed of iniquity?
That sinking feeling?
That wasn't the earth moving?
Something that will elude you in this lifetime?
A yawning orifice to be filled with cloth?
Where the fight is over?
A place for 'special' friends?
Satan's representative on the crust?
A symbol of a bygone era?
More peach crumble than could have been hoped for?
A failure by anyones admission?
A looming menace?
Not a big deal really?
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
5 mins 38 secs
Things you can do in 5,38
Brush your teeth
commit small scale arson
smoke a spliff
swear a big-arsed rainbow
procrastinate
ride a roller coaster
watch the weather on TV
read a page or two of a book
bang out an email
make a big decision
admire a view
kick a statue
fall through a frozen river surface
be a snob
tell the same joke twice
fix your hair
yearn
listen to a quality song
smash up the place when you hear a crap song
do a few laps in a race car
read a blog
change a nappy
phone a friend
question the meaning of it all
drop dead
be inspired
be appalled
hide in a cupboard
swim a few lengths
forget your best intentions
press a lot of buttons
feel the love
feel the hate
be taken down a peg
butter your toast
count your chickens
look for a key
jump in a pool
defecate on the herald-scum
burn to death
ponder what ifs...?
cast a stone
defile a script
dig a hole
crush a sentient being
finish this post
Brush your teeth
commit small scale arson
smoke a spliff
swear a big-arsed rainbow
procrastinate
ride a roller coaster
watch the weather on TV
read a page or two of a book
bang out an email
make a big decision
admire a view
kick a statue
fall through a frozen river surface
be a snob
tell the same joke twice
fix your hair
yearn
listen to a quality song
smash up the place when you hear a crap song
do a few laps in a race car
read a blog
change a nappy
phone a friend
question the meaning of it all
drop dead
be inspired
be appalled
hide in a cupboard
swim a few lengths
forget your best intentions
press a lot of buttons
feel the love
feel the hate
be taken down a peg
butter your toast
count your chickens
look for a key
jump in a pool
defecate on the herald-scum
burn to death
ponder what ifs...?
cast a stone
defile a script
dig a hole
crush a sentient being
finish this post
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