Golden brown, taken lying down...

 

It's all golden brown with vijayanand 

I'm so laid back, I'm horizontal 

Twixt Bengaluru and hosapete 

(Not Bangalore and hospet)

To think that I nearly missed it

And caused further massive chaos

Due to constant forced Sim swappery 

arsetemis 2

 

theres a lot of hullabaloo going on about the luna of late

with the gringos sending starsailors around it again

now, i wonder why...

el como de como?

 

en la provincia de manabi 

en la costa del Pacífico del pais encantador de Ecuador

hay un recinto con un nombre bastante particular...

¡Vamos, vamos, mi gente del Placer del Culo!

things that havent aged well...

borderline simpleton fails upwards spectacularly in front of entire planet

 

La moitié des Américains seraient incapables de se rendre compte qu'un Britannique les traite d'idiots.

ces pauvres americains ne comprennent pas le sarcasme/aggressivite passive de ces anglais impolis ...
 

Canción para un Niño en la Calle

 

mercedes sosa era una leyenda argentina del moviemento 'nuevo cancionero'

calle 13 era un duo fuerte (tambien siendo reggaetonish) de puerto rico

ponles juntos 

con un video conmovedor

hay algo muy especial...

a donde ir ...

 

si no te gusta este pinche blog.

word of the weak - uchronia

Uchronia refers to a fictional or speculative exploration of an alternate timeline where historical events have occurred differently, leading to a divergent reality. It is often associated with the genre of alternate history, inviting readers to imagine "what if" scenarios that alter the course of history.

LLIU (limebeavers language in use)-

what if humans werent such catastrophically stupid cunts?

deguchi hachi

its a nihon mind melter

being stuck in the labyrinthine passageways of a tokyo underground train station

memorise the ads

and the fixtures

the business man

the little kid

the pregnant ex girlfriend

where the fuck is exit no.8?

gah!

 素晴らしい！

Motorbikin

the johnnys are a 'cowpunk' band, formed in 80s sydney who play 'pub rock in a country music style at a punk pace'. baffling ehi?

they are a whacky side project band that has included oz indie music royalty, with members from the hoodoo gurus, the paul kelly band and the legendary spencer p jones of the beasts of bourbon.

this particular piece of glorious silliness frustrated me for decades as it bounced around unidentified in the vast empty spaces of my bonce on and off for decades before i finally pinned the fucker down...

vale spencer, keep motorbikin!

room with a vu

 

les francais ont une expression geniale pour beaucoup de sensations interessantes.....

 

deja vu

presque vu

jamais vu

Quiconque a étudié les langues connaîtra parfaitement tout ce qui précède...

Quelle frustration les gars!

Word of the weak - apodyopsis

The act of gazing at a person and imagining them naked; a mental undressing.

nb. please do not use your apodyoptic skills on limebeaver.

it will not be pleasant, for anybody.

Loquuntur enim Latine!

Hoc est unum ex rebus pulcherrimis quae umquam acciderunt...
 

why are you being a...

... for?

 

brits being magnificently silly no.2586 (aka Vespa Joust)

are you an 'eccentric' brit?

got a scooter?

got a big stick?

got a mate with same?

saddle up and get jousting!

word of the weak - tmesis

 

Tmesis is a linguistic device where a word or phrase is split into two parts with another word inserted between them, often for emphasis or comic effect. For example, saying "abso-bloody-lutely" instead of "absolutely" demonstrates this technique.

tmesis also occurs in German, Ancient Greek, Latin, Irish, and Tagalog.

now get tmesfuckingising!

things that bang : the fall - blindness

marky smith and co with an epic live version of blindness

hammersmith palais 2007

bonus points for figuring out what the hell he is on about 

recommendation - crank it up

cortez the killer was massively historically inaccurate

massive tune with even greater artistic licence neilo!

He came dancing across the water

With his galleons and guns

cortes did not use galleons! he had caravels and brigantines

Looking for the new world

And that palace in the sun

On the shore lay Montezuma

moCtezuma was in his capital, tenochtitlan

With his coca leaves and pearls

coca didnt grow in mexico

In his halls, he often wandered

With the secrets of the world

And his subjects gathered 'round him

Like the leaves around the tree

In their clothes of many colors

For the angry gods to see

And the women all were beautiful

come off it!

And the men stood straight and strong

really neil?

They offered life in sacrifice

So that others could go on

no! The Aztecs sacrificed humans to establish and maintain relations with their gods, who needed their blood and hearts to survive.

Hate was just a legend

stuff and nonsense!

And war was never known

the mexica were often at war and subjected many other peoples

The people worked together

And they lifted many stones

And they carried them to the flatlands

But they died along the way

And they built up with their bare hands

What we still can't do today

of course we could build pyramids etc today!

And I know she's living there

And she loves me to this day

I still can't remember when

Or how I lost my way

He came dancing across the water

Cortez, Cortez

What a killer

dinsey vs lemmings

 

lemmings stupidly walk off cliffs and fall to their deaths en masse, right?

fucking no!

from britannica.com -

"Deliberate fraud. For the 1958 Dinsey nature film White Wilderness, filmmakers eager for dramatic footage staged a lemming death plunge, pushing dozens of lemmings off a cliff while cameras were rolling. The images—shocking at the time for what they seemed to show about the cruelty of nature and shocking now for what they actually show about the cruelty of humans—convinced several generations of moviegoers that these little rodents do, in fact, possess a bizarre instinct to destroy themselves."

fuck dinsey!

orf yer bike!

 "Bicycle face" was a term used in the late 19th century to describe a supposed condition affecting women who rode bicycles, characterized by a flushed or pale face, drawn lips, and an expression of weariness. It reflected societal attitudes of the time, suggesting that cycling was inappropriate for women and could lead to negative physical effects.

so ladies, strap up your whale bone corsets extra tight and stick to waddling like uncomfortable penguins. who needs to breathe when you look so dainty!

deutsche zusammengesetzte Substantive, fuck ja!

we all know schadenfreude, doppelganger and zeitgeist but german is rammed with glorious compound nouns...

die Tollwut - rabies

The ‘Toll’ in Tollwut doesn’t mean great, but ‘crazy’. ‘Toll’ is a old word for ‘verrückt’. Tollwut therefore is ‘crazy rage’.

(see also italian - rabbia, spanish - rabia and french - rage)

die Nacktschnecke - slug

This is literally a naked snail.

der Zungenbrecher - tongue twister

In German they don't twist your tongue. They break it.

das Luftschloss - air castle

This is a dream that will likely never come true.

das Kopfkino - playing a scenario out in your mind

We all have it, but the Germans call it a head cinema.

das Drachenfutter - dragon feed

What do you feed a dragon? Who is the dragon? The dragon is your loved ones and the feed is a gift you give. This is a gift given to a loved one as an apology.

das Hüftgold - hip gold

The German expression is so much friendlier than the English "spare tire" or "muffin top". The extra fat around your midsection in German is hip gold

die französische Krankheit - syphilis

This is an older word, but it was too funny not to have on the list. The French disease is syphilis. 

(see also many similar in various european languages)

die Windpocken - chicken pox

While the English word is likely from a resemblance of the small red marks that a chicken would leave, if they pecked at you, the German word is about how it spreads. Wind pox are easily transmitted in the air with the wind, therefore "Windpocken". 

das Fernweh - far pain

the opposite of homesickness, a desire to travel

der Kummerspeck - grief/sadness fat

Many people on the internet think this translates as grief bacon, but they are stretching the meaning a bit. It is more closely related to the word fat, as other translations for “Speck” includes “fat” and “lard”.

das Fremdschämen - foreign shame

Shame for something someone else has done

die Torschlusspanik - gate closing panic

Torschlusspanik derived from the times where cities had city walls and gates, at a certain time gates were closed overnight. If you came too late, you had to spend the night outside of the city. Nowadays Torschlusspanik describes the fear to miss something important, like marriage or having children.

der Treppenwitz - staircase joke

A joke you come up with when you are walking away from an argument

(see also french - 'l'esprit de l'escalier')

der Weltschmerz - world pain

The melancholic pain you feel when you watch the world and its state.

die Schnapsidee - schnapps idea

An idea that you have when you are drunk

verschlimmbessern - to better worsen

To make things worse while trying to make them better, a combination of verbessern (to make better) and verschlimmern (to make worse, exacerbate)

Sind sie nicht wunderbar?

word of the weak - floccinaucinihilipilification

 

The act of regarding something as worthless or insignificant. It is one of the longest words in the English language, originating from a combination of several Latin terms that all imply little or no value.

"action or habit of estimating as worthless," 1741, a combination of four Latin words (flocci, nauci, nihili, pilifi) all signifying "at a small price" or "for nothing," which were listed together in a rule of the well-known Eton Latin Grammar. 

so flocc(etc) you!

Quale sonum habebat lingua Latina Romana?

sic sonabat...

the disaccordion

 

Mutiny In Heaven

before the bad seeds

and after the boys next door

there was the birthday party

thriving in the (post) punk st kilda scene (no, not the uninhabited outer hebridean island)

of the second half of the 70s

from the chrysalis of the boys next door

whose core came from an exclusive boys private school in inner melbourne

they made a magnificent but hardly tuneful racket

they went to lahndan and had a predictably shit, cold and hungry time

with no money, lots of drugs and little success

sadly cave and howard (RIP) fell out

(should have let him sing shivers nicky wicky!)

after more to and (a)fro between hemispheres 

they thought that bowie, reed and iggy had the right idea

and upped sticks and moved to west berlin

and the bad seeds were born

they truly did make "bleak and noisy soundscapes,"

'From Nick Cave on, they don't kill themselves -

Just tell us why they're suicidal.'

-Morrison hostel, TISM

scooby doo wants to make you gay

from the landover baptist 2009

"Is Hollywood Using A Saturday Morning Cartoon Series As Bait To Lure Christian Children Into Signing a Contract With Satan? Quite simply, The Answer is Yes.


As Hollywood prepares to release the new film, "Scooby Doo," we think it's important for Christians to understand some of the hidden messages in the cartoon series that Landover Baptist Creation Scientists and Youth Directors have spent the last 30 years of their lives uncovering. It goes without saying that most Christians already know that the term, "Scooby Doo," was adopted by the homosexual community in the late 1970's. "Scooby Doo" is Sodomite slang for "feces roll." There is no easy way of saying this, but a "feces roll" is when a group of naked homosexual “men” get together in a public park, lay out a large plastic mat, poop all over it, and roll around in it until they have orgasms or are busted by the police. Some homosexuals save their feces in plastic bags and keep them in the refrigerator for weeks to prepare for such an event.

One doesn't have to look too far to see why the homosexual community was so quick in adopting "Scooby Doo." The cartoon is chock full of decadence. It really doesn't take a theologian to see that each character in the cartoon series represents a perverse member of society. There is "Shaggy," a skinny junkie who is always sleepy, hungry, and paranoid. If you look closely enough, you can actually see the needle marks on his arms where he would inject a liquified form of "scooby snacks" which were really nothing more than a mixture of cocaine and heroin. Shaggy would even feed the dog (which is G-o-d spelled backwards and an occult way of referring to Satan) these cocktails as well. At times, Shaggy would be so high, he would even think the dog was talking to him.

Another character in the series, Thelma, the little bull-dyke, represents the feminist movement. Hollywood makes everyone's job easier here because they never try to hide the fact that feminists are nothing more than ugly-looking women with glasses who are always reading books and bossing people around. Our lone Christian mole in Hollywood tells us that executives were even considering talk show host and human hippo, Rosie O'Donnell, for the role of Thelma.

In the character of Fred, we are subjected to a cartoon depiction of the typical homosexual male. His choice in clothing alone is enough to raise the eyebrows of any concerned Christian parent. Further evidence exists in his lack of interest in the character of Daphney, a female prostitute along for the ride who never has anything signficant to offer the group other than a harlot's smile and, sadly, unclothed cartoon legs that Landover Baptist Youth Director, Richard N. Moff, reports, "cause arousal in young boys even before they reach puberty."

The characters of "Scooby Doo" travel in a van (an enclosed vehichle suggesting deviant activity occuring within) from town to town looking for ghosts and witches and consulting with people who are familair with spirits. It's always been a carefully packaged television program that introduces innocent young children to the occult. We could go on about countless Christian horror stories where grown adults fall prostate on the altar of Jesus and plead His precious blood over addictions to homosexuality, witchcraft, beastiality, drugs, prostitution, cartoon pornography, and liberalism that can all be traced back to being seduced by the Scooby Doo cartoon series as a child, but entire books could be written on the subject.

We place this message of Christian love and experience here only because we know that Hollywood is preparing to unleash this terror from Hell on an already suffering Christian Nation. We urge you to protest vocally, and protest in silence by putting the $7 you would have paid to see the film, "Scooby Doo," into the offering plate at your local Bible-believing Baptist Church on Sunday morning. Thank you."

"I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you meddling christomorons!"

aquella vez que kim salmon canto sobre una ciudad de chihuahua

el problema contigo, nena, es que nunca has estado en creel!

CREEL!

word of the weak - natiform

 

an adjective used to describe anything that resembles or has the shape of buttocks.

(ohhh yeaaahhh!)

in case you were wondering if it will be broadcasted

the legendary GSH has definitively clarified the issue...

my life was completely as(s)trous...

no fixes here!

shokuhin sampuru aka fake plastic meals

 

if you find yourself wandering the streets of tokyo or any japanese city/town

many of the restaurants will have delicious looking display dishes in their windows

if you didnt know better (and i didnt)

you might wonder how quickly they go orf and if its expensive to waste so much food

well, its a non issue

they are fake food!

originally hand made from wax or vinyl resin

there are now plastic ones for gaijin tourists

after being educated

i marvelled at these creations

often lurking outside restaurants admiring these pieces of art

pondering

how can they make them look so hyper realistic and delectable?

and why hasnt anybody else thought of this genius idea?

now after countless blue moons of occasionally checking the (obscenely prohibitive) prices to purchase one online

a young superstar of my conoscimento purchased one 

in old osaka town

and gifted it to me for saturnalia

so, now i have my very own shokuhin sampuru

素敵なTさん、ありがとう！

THE SEED OF THE SACRED FIG(A)

considering the current shit show going on in persia (ep)

(although hardly an unusual occurrence)

this film kicks fucking hard

HIGHLY recommended

زنده باد مردم پارس!

un arsehat avec un asse hat!

il etait une fois un arsehat

En 2014, il s'est rendu au Stade geoffroy-guichard de l'equipe de foot Saint-Étienne.

également connu sous le nom de AS saint-etienne

ou ASSE

tout content de son nouvel achat

il l'a mis

et cette meme journee

il est devenu

 un arsehat avec un asse hat!

monkey was ... irrepressable

Will You Marry Me? 

what the world had truly been waiting for...

venezuela hoy dia

trump ve te a la verga

maduro ve te a la verga

machado ve te a la verga

viva el pueblo venezolano!

CATALÀ i VALENCIÀ són la mateixa llengua!

així que ara ja ho saps!

Per Me È Importante

Il mio pensiero vola verso te

per raggiungere le immagini

scolpite ormai nella coscienza

come indelebili emozioni

che non posso più scordare

e il pensiero andrà a cercare

tutte le volte che ti sentirò distante

tutte le volte che ti vorrei parlare

per dirti ancora

che sei solo tu la cosa

che per me è importante...

che per me è importante...

una delle prime canzoni in italiano che mi ha veramente commosso

anche per il video stratoccante

malgrado no ci sia una ammâ specifica di la'

la mando ai tanti amici sparsi lontani in questa fine del(l) mondo anno

 

NAMBLA - fuck me, its real!

 "Dude, you have *sex* with *children*" 

'The North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA, stylized as NAMbLA) is a pedophilia and pederasty advocacy organization in the United States. It works to abolish age-of-consent laws criminalizing adult sexual involvement with minors and campaigns for the release of men who have been jailed for sexual contacts with minors that did not involve what it considers coercion.'

- wikipedia

word of the weak - glottochronology

 

The use of statistical data to date the divergence of languages from their common sources.

Mets ça dans ta pipe et suce-le

Damals, als dieser Kerl dem anderen Kerl ähnlich sah.

 

Der arme Kerl!

bus wankers

i finally got around to completing/watching the inbetweeners (inc films)

nothing but the hottest takes here at limebeaver.etc

(coming soon an update from the front in the boer woer)

its very good and not annoying like a lot of teen shows

simon birds character is brilliant

that dumb bloke is decent comedic value

and the handsome/likeable guy is well, likeable

but that other prick...

i get it, hes a bullshitter

but hes an utterly unfunny wanker

and that fucking stupid hair!

BUT

the pressing question is...

why on earth didnt they use this absolute banger of a sleeper track as title music?!!!

was there ever an ever a more yawning chasm of an open goal missed?

come avrebbe detto l'ex vicino di casa - for fucks saaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!

once in every lifetime...

 

comes a bad american knock off of the young ones. (thankfully)

for every quality american adaptation of brit tv show eg the office 

there are at least 7 stupendously shit american adaptations eg fawlty towers, red dwarf, the inbetweeners etc 

and oh no not them is certainly pitiful

if only ever so slightly redeemed with some form of pathetic charm

it was never going to work

replacing rik and vyv

the two main legend cars

with whatever fuck those guys are supposed to be.

but theyve got to feed the money beast and original ideas probably cost more

so whos up for an appalling adaptation of this country, set in small town kansas?

gah!

come mandare una cartolina postale ad un bastardo

1. va a bastardo

2. trova la cartolina piu orrenda possibile (questa quassu)

3. scrivi sul retro 'ci sono stato e ti ho pensato'

4. spedirgliela

5. sentiti compiaciuto

 

pork flavoured bollocks

whats your fave bathe?

pork ramen broth? green tea? coffee? green tea?

you can take your pick in yunassen spa in hakone, japan!

nb. not advised for muslims and jews

あの狂った日本人たち!

word of the weak - Mahpiohanzia

 

n. the frustration of being unable to fly, unable to stretch out your arms and vault into the air, having finally shrugged off the burden of your own weight, which you’ve been carrying your entire life without a second thought.

- Lakota, mahpiohanzi, “a shadow caused by a cloud.” Pronounced “mah-pee-oh-han-zee-uh.”

nothing to add, truly beautiful

Iggy Pop didnt 'just say no'

just how many metric cubits was iggy off his trellis?

answers on a yellow card..

y pica!

(espero mucho que no sea maldita IA)

 

Word of the weak - quincunx

 

A quincunx is a geometric pattern consisting of five points arranged in a cross, with four of them forming a square or rectangle and a fifth at its center.

ive met at least five cunx in my life...

im tying my dog to the railroad track...

we used to call him spot, but now hes called splat!

I didn't see suede in Newport

 

sure it was to promote their third album

which wasnt as mind blowing as the first two

and bernie butler had left

but i was excited to see suede

even if it was an hour and half away by coach

(which might as well have been on the moon according to some)

i got two tickets and was happy enough to gift one (when none of my rubbish mates were up for it/were too poor) to that sweet curious welsh chica i had worked with

where i couldnt understand a word callers were saying

and had to say some greeting in cymraeg

(which must have sounded hilarious in a strayan accent)

then i got a thunderbastard of a flu

and felt dreadful

so neither of the tickets got used

(woesome were the days pre wonderful tixel)

and

i didnt see suede in newport

 

coulda woulda shoulda no.10 Mỹ Sơn

Mỹ Sơn is a stunning hindu temple complex in central vietnam built between the 4th and 14th centuries by the cham people, whose champa empire lorded it over large parts of vietnam for nearly 2000 fucking years.

nb the infants were NOT known as babycham and champa was not their daddy!

it is situated less than 40 kms from funky hoi an town, where you can buy natty clathes, see pretty glowing indentified flying objects, admire the pretty fusion of vietnamese, japanese and chinese architecture, eat great food, chat in english with friendly students and laze about in the pool of a yellow hotel long after check out time!

unfortunately due to pigrizia and pig ignorance i didnt know about Mỹ Sơn, so i didnt get there when in hoi an. che rimbambito!

so if you ever find yourself enjoying the delights of central vietnam, heed my words and go on my son and hãy đi xem nhé! !

and rigoberto vowed to never again...

attend an orgy at randy rhonddas discount art shop

word of the weak - apophasis

Apophasis is a rhetorical device wherein the speaker or writer brings up a subject by either denying it, or denying that it should be brought up.
 

sound like the behaviour of any cunty politician you might be aware of?

The Bermagui Bronze

another sterling piece from the late show (oz)

lampooning the shitful 'the coolangatta gold'

with all its macho horseshit, bleach bodies and lame chest thumping nonsense

it also riffs on strayas desperation for international respect

via its supposed sporting prowess

and the tacky half hearted, nationalistic, hollow attempts at lauding athletes who dont quite make the top step of the podium.

tis such a pity it was never made into a full movie.

it would have been a corker!

every day is a jonathan richman day...

In the first bar things were just alright

In this bar things were Friday night!

out of the フライパン and into the 山火事

 

so old mate タク is moving to サンフランシスコ

perhaps he will feel some familiarity

after all

there have long been (sometimes interned) japanese communities there

and his english is not even slightly shabby

its his turn to be a 外人 again

im sure he will check his visa status before arriving at the airport this time

at least he will have a little more elbow room!

幸運を祈るよ、友よ！

Smyrna, αγαπημένη μου

following the GRATE war

and the defeat of the osman empire

the winning parties did what euro winners love to do

and set about trying to carve it up for their own benefit

fucking eejits

this caused all kinds of mayhem and mindless killing

(aka G.E.N.O.C.I.D.E)

the anatolian greeks saw their big chance

and went on the (murderous) rampage

and tried to reclaim as much of anatolia as they could

unfortunately for them

mustafa kemal and the young toirks got their shit together

and in their plan to create a 'nation state'

(as their euro neighbours had been doing)

as well as slaughtering wholesale the armenians and assyrians

they didnt take kindly to the greek adventurism

and went full G.E.N.O.C.I.D.E on them

killing hundreds of thousands and effectively extinguishing the multi millenial greek presence in anatolia

this is the happy go lucky story of a wealthy greek family in smyrna/izmir in those years

(well told without the dreaded nationalism that these shows often resort to)

άσχημο ρε φίλε!

George Carlin's American Dream

raging against mediocrity, greed and idiocy in the most veracious and eloquent manner...

vale gc!

nouvelle angouleme avant nieuw amsterdam

presque tout le monde sait qu'avant de s'appeler new york

cette zone dans le nordeste des l'aujourd'hui etats unis

s'appellait nieuw amsterdam

car ils etaient les neerlandais qui y habitait avant

mais avant les neerlandais

une expedition francaise (guidee par un florentine)

avait exploré et cartographié cette côte

ils l'avaient appelee' nouvelle angouleme!

(d'apres Francois Ier, Comte d'Angoulême)

(et vachement avant les europeens, les gens indigenes l'appelaient Mannahatta)

que chevere es hablar en espanol

 

(falta el pais con la segunda mayor poblacion de hispanohablantes, gringolandia)

esta noche he hablado bastante espanol

hable con un venezolano

con varios chilenos

con un mexicano

con unos colombianos

un puerto riqueno

una espanola

y un argentino

cuantos acentos

cuanta jerga

cuanta confusion!

y

cuanto placer!

SPINAL TAP 2: THE END CONTINUES

after so many years since the OG spinal tap

which remains one of the cleverest and most amusing films of the last seven thousands years.

there was always the danger that this would not live up to the lightning in a bottle (where the fuck did that come from?) of the first movie.

no pressure then...

allora, its nowhere near as staggeringly smart or funny as the original (what is?)

tuttavia, it is a delight and highly enjoyable and most certainly doesnt do a disservice to it.

dunque, if you loved the original (and if you didnt, you are fucking dead inside) watch this, its top notch, is faithful to the canon and adds richness to the tap universe in a lovely, diverting manner.

and you cant go wrong by crushing elton john with (full sized) menhir!

kiss my baboon

 

word of the weak - paraprosdokian

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the end of a sentence or phrase comes as a surprise, forcing a reinterpretation of the first part. The name comes from the Greek for "against expectation". This rhetorical device is often used for humorous or dramatic effect

 now go and throw around some paraprosdokians at your next Debate the Trevor Club meeting.

THE TIME THAT REMAINS

an outstanding, bleakly funny movie about life in palestine since they lost their nationhood

it finds humour in the grim life of palestinians under the thumb of cruel colonialist overlords

which is quite a feat

the overall situation is quite depressing

but between the brutality and humiliation

there are diverting vignettes and absurdist delights

its not perfect 

but considering how difficult it must be to finance and shoot a film in palestine

it stands as a relative masterpiece

watch this film 

and FREE PALESTINE!

its harry on the phone

piggy misery!

mister burns and (to a lesser extent) smithers voices have gone right down the shitter

i havent watched i simpson for decenni

and fair play

harry shearer is no pollo di primavera

but those voices are pitiful

surely its time for the show to say

thank you, drive through

(of which more to follow)

lunar house

sounds exotic right?

lunar house is found in croydon 

a rather ordinary bit of south london

it didnt use to be

since jebus was a lad

it was part of slurrey

until voracious greater london gobbled it up

to obtain more space for financial services and giant houses for russian/arab plutocrats

i have spent way too long there

not just because i had fam to crash with

on one of my multitudinous traverses of big town

lunar house is home to UK immigration

where one has to go and wait for countless dreary hours for your number to be called

with any visa type issues

(and you had better hope you had all the correct paperwork!)

in the second half of the 1390s

i had plenty of those due to

lost passports

renewing of ancestry visas

applications for indefinite leave to remain (unhinged)

a lunar hour is more than 700 gaian hours

and with some undoubtedly impressive tech manouevres 

the department of immigration has managed to implement it in real time

in their particular corner of lahndahn

to leave the (usually) unsatisfied applicant staggering disoriented 

out into stark grey of london daytime

almost a month after they entered

and in these unimaginably lengthy hours

smart phones werent a thing

so if you hadnt planned ahead and brought a few copies of war and peace with you

you would feel your ears and nose prolonging

as the present elongates beyond the rows of chairs and perspex screens

engulfing all sense of time and space

as you longed for a mercifully quick death

to bring an end to your interminable tedium

and nary a selenite to spy

Too much MALAKIA!

speaking multiple languages is extremely difficult

swearing in multiple languages is considerably less so

nevertheless, just maybe, gattuso is quite cerebral after all...

quindi Ringhio...

well done! bravo! Μπράβο!

(moreso to his long suffering interpreter! you can almost see his brain cranking away)

word of the weak - pecksniffian

 

definition - hypocritically and unctuously affecting benevolence or high moral principles

limebeavers language in use time (LLIUT) -

cut the shit, you pecksniffian cunt!

ever feel like you just dont fit in?

 

andre the giant flying japanese airlines...

croony croony, thunder thunder

richard hawley perfectly mixes his sweet sweet voice with HUUUGE guitars.

this gent and his output is pure class. 

if i were from sheffield, i'd build some kind of shrine. (no candles)

2001 (posts) - a bullshit odyssey

in a whirrrrled... where the epic tale of tosh of who ever heard of a limebeaver? was told in spectacular narrow screen, in full (tinny) mono   

via a futuristic pedal powered mechanical turk called LAH 29002

- 'this case calls for a thermo-nuclear lie detector, dave'

- 'something vaguely factual? sorry dave, this blog can only consist of excreta'

an obelisk of extra terrestrial calfshit first placed by an advanced alien civilisation?

(as kriss kross celebrated in their famous historical/sci-fi epic - just give me kiss on top of the obelisk)

and the infamous time/light enlightenment metaphor - inferring that primitive calfshit may have evolved into todays digital hyper bullshit...

tonga!

who is a south pacific nation?

who consists of 171 islands, only 45 of which are inhabited?

who has a population of just over 100,000?

who expanded via colonisation to form the tu'i tonga empire?

where is the only place ive been to a church service?

tonga!

the good old days, people just living in the moment, not a mobile phone in sight...

West Papua Tribal War (circa 1964)

qu'est-ce que tu veux manger?

 

word of the weak - abecedarius

 

An abecedarius is a special type of acrostic in which the first letter of every word, strophe or verse follows the order of the letters in the alphabet.

now go and make an abecedarius with the names of the songs by your fave band, put it in a flask and send it into space. (unless you have awful taste, if so, follow steps 1 and 2, then shove it violently up your behind.)

nb. para los miles de hispanohablantes entre ustedes, no es lo mismo que un abecedario, que es una lista del alfabeto. es un AMIGO FALSO!

rah roh!

 

should have steered clear of those hash scoobie snacks...