Monday, November 05, 2012

Sunday, November 04, 2012

Sunday, October 28, 2012

that's right

it serves you right
any
that's right
it serves you right
that's right
it serves you right
that's right
it serves you right


and that's it


the height of nu music
but weight
sti
any second now

waiting

waiting
waiter..........
waaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiter
ah
what are we waaaaiiiiiiting for?


it's coming
....
some kind of oho hohohohohhohoh



but wait!

still waiting...


a bit of eddie...

ahhh squeal

...


whelm...








Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

and Kim is off...




Kim Salmon left the building today
you probably didn't even know that he was visiting
you probably didn't even know he existed
nor that he was some kind of SwampRock legend
communque
he left today
well he was placed in the general leaving department
in the airlock
if we were a'speakin in hitchhikers guide to the galaxy terms
most likely tomorrow he will move on into the vacuum of space
if we were continue with the same old blah blah
then in a couple of days he will be gone for good
Kim has been hanging about for nigh on 20 years
which is a pretty good innings
when you are made out of cotton
a young laydeee
which I once knew quite well
got an identical one
fancy fookin that
entonces
thanks for the good times Kim
sorry mate but i had no choice
gotta at least make a token effort to keep currant bun
a holier than thou has to go sooner or later
I WANNNA MOOOOOOVE!


Friday, October 12, 2012

balls and fields




every now and again there is a song
not just a song
coz they are here all the fucking time
and most of them are shit
more than shit
they are uber shit
but
every now and again
good phrase that
one hears a song that is just so ....
luvverly
U
double V
not just lovely
better still than loverly
(which admittedly sounds rather hard)
but yes
luvverly
and this is one of those
its luvverly
LUVVERLY
just bluddy luvverly

swoon.....

Thursday, October 11, 2012

t is for...



no,
its not for trevor
its not for travellator
its not for transitory
nor for trastevere
nor triptych
nor trellis
no
none of those
neither for trophy
neither for truncated
neither for trastorno
nonesuch

Monday, October 08, 2012

entonces chavez continua por 6 anos mas...



y así continua hacer esto (arriba) con el enorme patrimonio de recursos nacionales de venezuela...
fucking suspiro!

Sunday, October 07, 2012

Friday, October 05, 2012

shortly before my erection...





ha ha fucking ha!

Thursday, October 04, 2012

shortly before my election

shortly before my election to president of the planet
my advisors advised me (as they do)
to come clean about any unsavoury business that might be used against me
the kind of thing that the baddies in the opposition might dig up
i decried
never!
fuck your buttocklegs!
but after a little reflection ponding
it became clear that tenian razon
all those acts of rhino buggery might play out badly in the public light
might give those zoroastrian fundamentalists to get their crank on about
not to mention ending a sentence with a preposition
fuck, it was just mentioned
all those times that i injected splat into my nob end
but never inhaled
the countless episodes of procuring prostitutes
to wash my bike
the times i said 'insert country here' sucks big dogs bollocks
my membership of the Goats That Snog Humans Badly Party
all the holy texts i had vomited on
deliberately
all the video of declaring undying devotion to our new alien overlords
whichever ones that arrive
i was prepared to sign up to any of 'them'
all the legs and trunks that i had devoted to satan with my bizarre nasal ritual
and of course when i said that all 
white
black 
pink
azure
brown 
and most importantly
beige people
smelled like cabbage boiled down for 17 hours 
and left in the sun for a week
then mixed with quadropaedal shit
only to be bottled 
then mixed with rupert murdochs genes
and catapulted into space
in my patent pending happy family go further catapult
to be returned to the planet
and ingested by an ant eater of the amazonian kind
who had a penchant for old, warm and flat beer
and dropped the mayan civilisation ending lunch
were a bit 
well...
shit.
onwards and westwards
fellow travellers
true believers
great steppers forwarders
five (min) year planners

in your eye causality!

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

peddle me wot?


saw this show not at all that long ago... quite a magnificent madman!

Tuesday, October 02, 2012

so we meet again mr julian

On the weekend I met up with an old friend
well not completely old
but if he were a dog
you could say he's pushing on a bit
I hadn't seen him since we first met
on another continent
in another hemisphere
actually that might be in two other hemispheres?
we were introduced by a mutual friend
a lovely lady by the name of anel
she had known him for what i imagine was a looooong time
and she seemed to know pretty damn well
and knowing anel was a lady of class and refinement
he and I were bound to get on
i bumped into him back here in my ole home toon
at another mutual friends place
small world hey?
i was visiting my old mucker dan murphy
and there he was
just lounging about looking cool as ever
like nothing had changed
and we weren't on the other side of the world
not even mildly surprised to see me
so i took him back to my friends place
and introduced him
they all got on just fine
although mr julian does come over a bit on the strong side
and his forceful nature meant they weren't immediately enamoured with him
but hey
horses for corsairs
great to see you again mr julian
but tis a pity your price has more than tripled since last we met
you old whore!

Monday, October 01, 2012

steep throat

fucking ouch!

Sunday, September 30, 2012

privy and scullery

privy
scullery
two top notch words there
privy
as in
old privy breath
not to be confused with privy
as in privy council
or
privy to information
scullery
the room that used to be next to the kitchen
where dishes and clathes were washed
what happened to the privy?
where did the scullery go?
is this the reason for the decline of western civilisation?
we don't know where to go poop poop
nor where to go washy washy
not like in the good old days
where pooping and washing locations were clear as a claro thing
nobody poop pooped in the scullery
or washy washied in the lavatory
decadence
godbotheringness
great unwashedness
slartibartfastness
we are doomed!

Thursday, September 27, 2012

broomhilda the XIth

there we were
broomhilda XIth and I
sitting on a bed
side by side
strangely we were colleagues
and this bed seemed was in the office
she had very curly brown hair
shoulder length
but how long are shoulders?
and a daughter who had the normal amounts of legs
and claimed to be of a certain credence
or a certain extraction
married to a cloth eared bunt?
i didn't give a toss
we drove on into the eve
(dozy cow should have got out of the way)
it all looked peachy
through a rose coloured windscreen
driving south 'round midnight, man I must have been insane
we're heading south
we're heading south again
i looked for a band
or a faith
not sure if one was located
it turned out she was a magictrix
she put her hand on my leg
and I turned into a motel...

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

speaking of bokko

Who can help us now?
The People's Poet!

Monday, September 24, 2012

my second cousin thrice removed...

went to internet london
and all I got was this lousy blog...

BOKKO!!!

Sunday, September 23, 2012

lesbian supermarket



once upon a time i went to a lesbian supermarket
how did i know it was lesbian you don't ask even slightly?
well it shacked up/cohabited with a very spunky lady cafe
and they weren't just wearing the wrong trousers if you know what i mean!
its my fave supermarket in all the lands
except the other ones
thus i have cruised its aisles many a time before
seeking out the good pecorino, snaffling the quality sugo and scoring the spicy salami
you may have guessed its an italianish supermarket
good guessing you
give yourself a smack on the dorsal spine
italianish supermarkets are naturally the best
due to the fact that italian food is naturally the best
oi! shut it mexicans, thais, japanese and lots of other great kitchens!!!
but this was the first time i had noticed it was lesbian
it's just...
well...
hard to know where you stand sometimes in a lesbian supermarket
you feel you know your supermarket and then you realise it was all quite superficial
add seinfeld line here.
sure she's still as cool
she's way to chilled too get angry man hater on us blokey customers
and I'm sure we can get along just great
just how i do with the lesbian bar.... aaahhh ahhhhh

Saturday, September 22, 2012

eyerony


from the totality of 2 cameras used in Nicaragua/Mexico this is the ONLY photo that remains.
Taken in the reception of a hostel in mexico city, the chick who worked there had a lovely smile but turned out to be a rather unpleasant and miserable carnt...

Friday, September 21, 2012

kulchural references

spot the difference
one of these men was king carlos IV of spain, whose abdication heralded (sort of) the end of absolute monarchy in Spain.
the other is principal Ed Rooney from Ferris Bueller's Day off







nb nil points for the 'tache it is not a valid difference

Thursday, September 20, 2012

not ruby wax



saw this the other day
apparently it's directed by the same dude who did little miss sunshine of the spotless toilet seat
which was pretty fab
i think
so ruby wotsit was rally quite enjoyable
with good surrealism to make the brain go tick tock clunk
if your brain works as smoothly as this one
both the protagonists were good
but at various times i felt they both needed a good punch in the face
(not that violence is etc)
him for being such a nerdy twat
and her for having that STUPID plain-jane haircut
and another for good measure for being sooo cutesy
and the dude who played his brother was excellent
showed outstanding maggoty qualities
Steve Coogan was a brilliant pretentious slimebag
and antonio de bandido seemed to make the female style audience members very giggly
with some pretty basic come comedying
strange that...
But i can confidently proclaim that;
if you only see one film this year
make sure you take off your sunglasses

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

write what you no

so one is supposed to write what they no
i no see
i no be
i no feel
i no real
i no dream
i no steam
i no blog
i no dog
i no worries
i no rorries
i no go slow
i no fo sho
i no nothing
i no bluffing
i no show
i no escrow
i no no no nothing
i no, no, no, no absolutely not
probably about no, that's how many
i hate to say anything negative, but no

Monday, July 11, 2011

yes, rally

Australia's carbon tax is a brave start by a government still gripped by fear

Labor's climate change measures – modest, riddled with exclusions, bribing voters and corporations – are a beginning

Julia Gillard Addresses The National Press Club
The Australian prime minister, Julia Gillard, believes in climate change but went to an election promising no carbon tax. Photograph: Cole Bennetts/Getty Images

Australia's Black Saturday fires of February 2009 burned over a million acres of land and killed 173 people. It happened because of record high temperatures and an exceptionally dry summer. It was what climate experts had been predicting for some years: the megafire. A megafire is hell come to earth.

The energy equivalent to 1,500 Hiroshima-sized atomic bombs was released in a fire storm that saw rivers of flame – sometimes rising 100 metres in the air – flowing through the countryside, generating winds of up to 120km an hour with new fires spotlighting 35km ahead of the main fire front.

Black Saturday reminded many Australians of what they know only too well: that of all the advanced economies, Australia is perhaps the one most vulnerable to climate change. And yet support for action on climate change, which was a key factor in the ending of 11 years of conservative government in 2007, has now largely collapsed.

In a story of ironies, a Labor government rarely characterised in recent times by either vision or courage has just announced a raft of measures, centred on a carbon tax, to reduce Australia's carbon emissions, an act at once brave and visionary. It was, though, forced on them by others.

It has been the strangest of battles that has already claimed two opposition leaders and one prime minister. And depending on who wins it, the rictus smile of Australian public life – behind which has hidden for years a paralysis of thought and action and has seen the coal and iron ore barons, the shock jocks and the Murdoch press seeming to set the political agenda as much as parliament – will continue or begin to break.

Krauze kangarooAndrzej Krauze

A conservative opposition leader, Tony Abbott, who once said climate change is "crap" and yet who is on record some years ago offering the most eloquent defence that could be made for a carbon tax, has waged a highly brutal – and effective – campaign against just such a tax by creating the impression that the Australian way of life will end if it comes to pass. His attempts to create a Tea Party-type fervour in support of his position has created an atmosphere in which serious climate scientists are receivingdeath threats and Lord Moncktonis taken seriously. If elected – and polling has him well placed to win the next election – he has promised to repeal the carbon tax.

A Labor prime minister, Julia Gillard, who does believe in climate change, nevertheless advised her predecessor, Kevin Rudd, to abandon his emissions trading scheme. In consequence, Rudd's electoral support vanished and he was replaced a few months later by the same Julia Gillard who promptly went to an election promising no carbon tax.

That there is to be any action at all is to the credit of the Greens, who won the balance of power in the Australian senate in that election and made the carbon tax the condition of their support for Gillard's minority Labor party. But the package of measures now announced are far from what the Greens argue is necessary to combat climate change by a nation which in spite of its small (22 million) population is one of the world's top 20 carbon polluters.

Perhaps it could not be otherwise. Australia has avoided recession because of its resource industries. Unemployment is just over 5%. The coal, iron and gas barons combine massive wealth with a certain psychological dominance – without us, where would Australia be? – which is implicit in all their public posturing and pressurising. They interpret national interest as their profit and loss ledger and that, they regard, along with their successful bullying of public life, as being under attack from a carbon tax.

Along with Abbott's Liberals, they are keenly aware of Labor's tenuous hold on power. Gillard's minority government survives on just a one-seat margin and is languishing in the polls at 27%. Whoever wins the carbon tax battle wins government at the next election.

Gillard, on her side, has to placate her coalition of Greens and independent rural MPs, soothe an electorate worried about cost of living increases, and throw enough protection money at the big resource companies to stop them fully setting their dogs on her. The measures thus contain a large reform of tax in favour of the poor and large subsidies to big business to compensate for reduced profits. Her dilemma is that the only package she can get up in consequence is one that fails to deliver the very change that is needed.

And so, though designed with mechanisms for increasing decarbonisation, the tax begins life as modest in its impact, riddled with compromises, exclusions, bribes to both voters and corporations, a low carbon price of $23 (£15) a tonne and a very low carbon emission reduction target of 5% by 2020 – about half that required to stabilise carbon emissions at 550 parts per million (ppm), if other countries take comparable action.

The government's own climate change adviser, Ross Garnaut, hascalculated that halting the growth in emissions at 550ppm-650ppm would lead to an average temperature rise of 3C to 4C – a rise with disastrous implications for Australia. Selling such a convoluted raft of measures is difficult: former Labor prime minister Bob Hawke has compared it to making "ice cream out of a bucket of shit''.

And selling it is a prime minister with the speech and appearance of a dying metronome – she is so inept it has been said she couldn't sell the wheel – dragging along behind her a Labor party that must now present the measure Labor didn't want as Labor's achievement.

It may be that the carbon tax is the final chapter in the strange death of Labor Australia. A once great reforming tradition is now too often the captive of fears and dogmas generated in the service of corporate Australia; under attack from the right by an able populist leader, who has never been burdened by the need for consistency or coherence, and rarely challenged on either; and from the left by the increasingly popular Green party.

Many arguments are already being made against the tax. The best argument that can be made for it is that, like all great reforms, it is a historic beginning. And perhaps it is the hope implicit in the carbon tax that is its most important feature.

Among many other reforms, Australians pioneered the secret ballot, universal suffrage and rape in marriage legislation. Whether Australia still has the courage it once had, or whether it has simply become the United Arab Emirates of the west, content to roll on for a decade or two more glossing over its fundamental problems while brown coal and fracked gas continues to keep the country afloat, remains to be seen.

The carbon tax thus looms over Australia as a large question: does Australia have the desire to move into the 21st century, or will it continue its retreat into a past as a colonial quarry for the empires of others, its public life ever more run at the dictate of large corporations, its people ever more fearful of the megafires of the future?

Sunday, July 03, 2011

french ken knows where it aint

somebody who once knew you
bought the pad of the week
in the deal of the century
it was just a hop, step and a tram down st kilda rd
in a lovely park
a large open space
but not any park on st kilda boulevard that you know
i went to check it out
this abode to be
it was once only a cave or a cavern and white all around
white as the fabled city of Minas Tirith
but nowhere near as presumptuous
but the lady that scored it
in some shady undercloak dealings
found a hitherto undiscovered handyperson skills
with only a blowtorch
she turned this caverna arrangement
into a 2 or 3ish bedroom pad
perhaps it was a study
or perhaps it was just walls of clothes
ones a child could disappear into
or a studio
it seemed to morph before thine very eyes
with said blowtorch
she created cathedral white ceilings
a living room
some rather skinny doors
but the masterblaster bedroom kept an odd feature
a perilous looking circular spike of a stump of the wisp
'might have to do something about that later'
the natural light was coming from skylights which were just glass rectangles amidst the lush green grass
of home
i did wonder out loud
but what about the hooligans?
might they not break or defecate on the windows?
a fence would be impractical
this is a public park after all
and somebodies would be sharing this marvellous adobe abode with a fine upstanding chap
who goes by the name of French Ken
No friend of mine
No acquaintance of of Killer
but apparently he's all the rage
they assured us he's not related to Sad Ken
who never won that race
French Ken may well become a pivotal character in this unfolding unreal world...