not butt
somebody else riding not sad ken
still in los llanos
despite the fact that this is now several days ago
big snorefest ensued
and lots of sulking from the roman twat
new day of adventures
we tumble in the jeep and i cop a view from the top
very sschpecktular miss moneyshot
off to another accampento and for a bote trip
we cruise around in little canoe
looking for groovy wild animals
we see pink dolphins but the bastards wont sit up for a photo
selfish gits
we see errr lots of birds, capybara, one in particular called frank that only wanted show us his but, groovy iguanas, a big hairy arsed baby bird in its nest, and some other stuff that may well have been amazing but it slips my reverse flushed mind
back for lunch a siesta and then........
we go for a horsey horsey ride
im pretty freaked coz horses are big monsters with swishy wishy tails
i ask for a horse with one leg
they laugh and away we go at a nice stately little pace
im told off for being to nice to the horsey
apparently you gotta show them whos boss
but im a big softy and i lurv animals
not in the farmlove sense mind...
we plodded about for a bit
after a while i got a bit courageous and took the bugger up to 2nd gear
my horse was called caballo... mysterious name that
i wish i had called him sad ken
but im just not that funny
it went on for a couple of hours and in the end the horse not called sad ken got a bit of a trot on
so i got an even sorer arse and other nethery regions
how on earth do you ride one of those things
anyway now im a big tuff cowboygauchojackaroo
with my howard carter hat
when its over theres another party with a band playing thththh music
and lots and lots of beers
and some little pipe efforts under the stars
michela wants to talk in english and i wanna talk in italian but we find some common ground
might be all that beer
the local band are really quite good but i dont get into it
some folks are dancing and stuff then a star shows up
the fabled giant ant eater that we had started to doubt existed
he wombles around and drinks beer and is surrounded by drunken buffoons
i get a bit close and he wants to play with me
hes a big fucker and i freeze assuming thats what one does
til im shouted at and i get outtay there
helene is flirting with all the local boys
especially pomodoro and junior
all good for giggles for me and the english blokese
then its all over and im chatting to a disappointed jr
he tells me its iraq in our big roomage
im off my trellis and expected a big fight and wanted to snot the roman twat
but not much really...
swinging in the hammocks
or is that swingeing
ninna nanna and all that rot
next day feeling kinda seedy and we are off and racing
to barinas where jr sorts out a ticket for me
which is great coz i really couldnt be arsed
eat big chicken, the best in barinas apparently
then say the farewells and its onto the coach
what follows is a big ridiculous farce
nobody can tell me what time the bus will get to caracas
or more precisely they all make up different numbers
it take cken ages and im thinking i might be on the wrong bus
poor vanessa is coming to meet me at the terminal
but my batteries die and i dont know what the fuck is going on
several hundred years later we get to the terminal after a gazilliion years of traffic
then we turn around and go to another one
im finally off and ring vanessa from one of those little stands
and she comes to get me
in the meantime im getting seriously cranky at all the maggots who keep calling me gringo and trying to shovel me onto a taxi
eventually lovely v shows up looking v stressed and it back to hers in a crab
quick hellos to simona the nutter and a play on the nerd them sleep
all too soon its uppy time and packing
vanessa takes me out to get a hammock and a leones t shirt
and then rushes off to university and luis come with me to the hairport
what a lovely man
a crab, some dodgy bead shopping and a bus later
we are at the airport where hes trying to help me out by translating spanish into spanish and guide me around the place
bless him
queue in the longest queue to get thru immigration
may well have been an hour as the dozy cow was pathetic
then its thru and onto the plane
iberia are shit
we are delayed but there is no explanation
im way too late to get my connection from madrid to london im all the the place
standing in queues
rushing about and getting useless info and being hopelessly misdirected
fuck iberia and madrid airport are diabolically bad
despite the fact that this is now several days ago
big snorefest ensued
and lots of sulking from the roman twat
new day of adventures
we tumble in the jeep and i cop a view from the top
very sschpecktular miss moneyshot
off to another accampento and for a bote trip
we cruise around in little canoe
looking for groovy wild animals
we see pink dolphins but the bastards wont sit up for a photo
selfish gits
we see errr lots of birds, capybara, one in particular called frank that only wanted show us his but, groovy iguanas, a big hairy arsed baby bird in its nest, and some other stuff that may well have been amazing but it slips my reverse flushed mind
back for lunch a siesta and then........
we go for a horsey horsey ride
im pretty freaked coz horses are big monsters with swishy wishy tails
i ask for a horse with one leg
they laugh and away we go at a nice stately little pace
im told off for being to nice to the horsey
apparently you gotta show them whos boss
but im a big softy and i lurv animals
not in the farmlove sense mind...
we plodded about for a bit
after a while i got a bit courageous and took the bugger up to 2nd gear
my horse was called caballo... mysterious name that
i wish i had called him sad ken
but im just not that funny
it went on for a couple of hours and in the end the horse not called sad ken got a bit of a trot on
so i got an even sorer arse and other nethery regions
how on earth do you ride one of those things
anyway now im a big tuff cowboygauchojackaroo
with my howard carter hat
when its over theres another party with a band playing thththh music
and lots and lots of beers
and some little pipe efforts under the stars
michela wants to talk in english and i wanna talk in italian but we find some common ground
might be all that beer
the local band are really quite good but i dont get into it
some folks are dancing and stuff then a star shows up
the fabled giant ant eater that we had started to doubt existed
he wombles around and drinks beer and is surrounded by drunken buffoons
i get a bit close and he wants to play with me
hes a big fucker and i freeze assuming thats what one does
til im shouted at and i get outtay there
helene is flirting with all the local boys
especially pomodoro and junior
all good for giggles for me and the english blokese
then its all over and im chatting to a disappointed jr
he tells me its iraq in our big roomage
im off my trellis and expected a big fight and wanted to snot the roman twat
but not much really...
swinging in the hammocks
or is that swingeing
ninna nanna and all that rot
next day feeling kinda seedy and we are off and racing
to barinas where jr sorts out a ticket for me
which is great coz i really couldnt be arsed
eat big chicken, the best in barinas apparently
then say the farewells and its onto the coach
what follows is a big ridiculous farce
nobody can tell me what time the bus will get to caracas
or more precisely they all make up different numbers
it take cken ages and im thinking i might be on the wrong bus
poor vanessa is coming to meet me at the terminal
but my batteries die and i dont know what the fuck is going on
several hundred years later we get to the terminal after a gazilliion years of traffic
then we turn around and go to another one
im finally off and ring vanessa from one of those little stands
and she comes to get me
in the meantime im getting seriously cranky at all the maggots who keep calling me gringo and trying to shovel me onto a taxi
eventually lovely v shows up looking v stressed and it back to hers in a crab
quick hellos to simona the nutter and a play on the nerd them sleep
all too soon its uppy time and packing
vanessa takes me out to get a hammock and a leones t shirt
and then rushes off to university and luis come with me to the hairport
what a lovely man
a crab, some dodgy bead shopping and a bus later
we are at the airport where hes trying to help me out by translating spanish into spanish and guide me around the place
bless him
queue in the longest queue to get thru immigration
may well have been an hour as the dozy cow was pathetic
then its thru and onto the plane
iberia are shit
we are delayed but there is no explanation
im way too late to get my connection from madrid to london im all the the place
standing in queues
rushing about and getting useless info and being hopelessly misdirected
fuck iberia and madrid airport are diabolically bad
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