an unimportant announcement

humourless get

les animaux super poilus innit?

evangeline

back in old shoe horse town
i met a girl
she talked the walk
a curious being was she
she took my hand
and told me tales of a faraway land
i already had the ticket
and she wasnt on the sell
she was going to faraway land
and as chance would have it
i was circling the port---hole
she was going through the motions
the ones obliged by our overlords
and walked right into my cublicloid
what a role i was playing
with tulio but sans schoolyard
less than professional,  i was
no wonder mwt bit the shit
he found his gawd
and changed his mind
a place id rather not visit
somewhere in the inner south east
shittish party that

we did a lunch
across from a seat of learning
a whole old new world
a place that i knew
but didnt have a fucking clue
id stumbled the streets
visited the pubs out of my time
had frequented the station to stazione
but it sure as fuck wasnt my place

she said i will see you on the other side
i said surey nuff

tpbciicbarsed..

mind the reality gap

I was looking at heading down to the animal sanctuary and I figured it would be cool to zoom around on a scooter.  Brill idea hey?!?

This is how I imagined it happening...

this is what the sanctuary had in mind...

what came first the chicken, the gruff or the darwinian greek?

greetings to the residents of the poultry bin



and the obligatory ongoing goodness of helltastic gnams...

 

this COULD have been the soundtrack to your life...

,

but it fucking shant.. so its off to the disney generated shat hole for you!

i don't want to hear about your big decisions..

shout them
murmur them
moan about them
in an impure manner
there aint to treetop high enuff
aint no trenchy foot enuff
to keep me from not giving a shit

dont work any harder
keep your mind on old horseshit
your things are only available on order
sniff another's bit

your bowel movements are riveting
to somebody outside your ken
but personne that swept your electoral collage
could be our very own hun sen

those tired attempts at rhyme
these exhausted beliefs out of thyme
only spouting the leafless chime
cannot deny the big bad slime
(you know it)

sleepless, feckless and senseless
pointless, smelly and daft
your tales only serve
to define your smarmy craft

please do break on through
the other side is a pit of shite
you will always be welcome
in this den of purest, saintly fucking night

tell us another tale
your nobility will shine through
nasty brutish and short
'tis hardest to bang in the last clou

do string him up
that paragon of bling
wind back the clock of lies
make that naked torso sting

hard times are never over
trouble can make in my arse
still im looking forward
to a long fucking nasty fucking piece of verbiage that can never be parsed

fuck you

and your big decisions

oh here here!

je ne me rappel pas si j'ai deja ecrit (mal) un blog en francais
mais j'imagine qu'il est temps
ce n'est pas que j'ai quelque chose d'important de dire
pas du tout
mais je sais que j'ai ecrit en anglais, en italien et en espagnol
donc il fallait ecrire en francais
surtout parce que en theorie au moins
je le parle assez bien
en putain theorie
il serait que maintenant je peux raisonner en francais?
ouais je crois
quand j'ecoute a france inter je comprends la grande majorite les gens
quand je regards le journal de 20 heures de france 2, meme chose
donc je suis expert?
je ne sais pas
quand je parle avec les amis en francais c'est plus difficile
ils parlent trop vite
ils parlent trop doucement
il y a toujours des bruits de fond
merde ou meme marde!
maintenant je voyage autour de la lune
j'ai deja fait le voyage de la terre a la lune
e je l'ai aime bien
mais ce deuxieme voyage autour de la lune
boh
je ne sais pas
je me manque l'enthousiasme un peu
je verrai ces celebres selenites?
je crois...
mais...
cela n'arriverai trop tot!
je voyage lentement...
mais je fucking arriverai!

2016 the year of the tapeworm

yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes YESSSSS!
it is 2016 and it is time for another blog postage.
looking into your crystal balls, what does limebeaver.etc.etc predict for your nonesuches?

Tapatio- you wont be DEF (mos or otherwise) and your grasp of the english language will be poor, except on tuesdays. you might also drown a cake.

Asticot- you will crawl heedlessly and fecklessly into a sticky future, your family will writhe in your company and you will die before the year is out. guaranteed!

Pleistocene- what the fuck are you doing here anyway?  your time is long gone, consider looking into exorcism, or at least a new shampoo.

Entropy- you will lose your shit. give it away now (gradually)

Willow (Bill)- Your year ahead is looking a little weepy.  Perhaps even if you are a child, but nominative determinism can be struggled against.  Keep an eye out for eligible chairs.

Ostriche - you will be unable to shove your head into the sand,   It doesnt matter how hard you bloody try, stop it (fucking)!  You may end up with grit in your innards, but it ain't going to grow into anything pretty.

Rampart- your lack of resolution will leave you overly pixellated/dated and not enchated.  You may feel you are building up to something, but it will all end in sticky, salty blood.

Michelada- you will be delicious, you will consistently show up your crappy piscine relative.    You will be refreshing, satisfying and just fab.  You win 2016!

inconsistent king lizards

The earth crushing news that this site brought you EXCLUSIVELY AND FIRST AND KERBLOOEY! only a couple of years ago, that the brontosaurus never existed- is horse shit!
now we bring you the earth crushing news that brontosaurus did really exist after all in this REVELATION AND ORIGINAL AND BOKKO!
its name was bob and it was hiding in a cave all along, or something.
WHAMMO!

all out just shy of 2 4 2 ...

the crossing

une chansonne trop belle...

mais je n'ai aucune idee sur quoi il s'agit!

quelque chose sur boire une salete en portant des lunettes ?

donc!

ce n'est pas un pesce d'aprile!
compris?
c'est un poisson d'avril
ce qui est completement different (aussi sans les accents!)

en fait, ce n'est meme pas un pescado de abril...  ( ou un pez)
pas du tout!
car celui n'existe pas!
(ou ca serait une ruse?!?)

refreshingly stinky?

watashi no nihon jin?
feeling a bit thirsty after kore wa pen desuing around the dojo 14 times?
you need to drink some SWEAT!!!
hai, so desu ka!
look at it splashing stickily and invitingly off the can!
you want some, you gotta get some...
SWEAT!
Yamu o!

where english and spanish meet...

shove this up your overpriced bill gategate...

the old skool alexandrukas's and salmoneus's came up with some good shit.
they built this fab tablet 2000 years before the turds at happlesters came up with their overpriced wankery for twats to drool over.
next to be discovered on aegean ocean floor, archimedes' internet glasses.
you heard it hear last!

shut up...

the cricks on the radio!
yes its the cricket world cup
best tune in quick!
it only lasts for 12 years!
there are only 23 pools
with merely 45 teams in each
meaning there are barely 345 group games
followed by the super 42's (trademark pending)
to get the teams down to only the ultimate 26 (trademark pending)
those 26 are the creme de la creme
but not too fraiche
after 9 years 6 months of round ribbons
blink for 6 months (a coma perhaps?)
and you might, just possibly miss something happen
(nb. not guaranteed, nor likely)
after the super 42's (trademark pending)
the ultimate 26 (trademark pending)
with only the best of the galaxies 26 teams vivants
there is the dazzler sudden death quadrilateral eternal play offs
leaving only the fantastic 22 (patent pending)
(the four 'lucky losers' will go into a repecharge series lasting 4 months, with the winners receiving a washing machine)
the fantastic 22 (patent pending) will have only 14 games each with which to prove their worthiness
and the winner will be declared following extensive internet polling
objectively tallied by only then most incorruptible statisticians
with nary a hanging chad or choad allowed
with ....
India fittingly and rightfully being declared the winner
having only 1 billion plus rabid fans
it is a minor miracle
and a true nileometer of democracy!

but wait!
whats that!
the qualifiers for the next world cup are upon us...
dont miss the bulkace 209s! (patent pending)
...

10 anni dopo

beh, mi pare che sono passati dieci anni
e forse ho domenticato scrivere in italiano
come ho domenticato tante cose
dieci anni!
cazzo!
non sono piu un extra communitario
non sono per niente giovane
ho visitato tanti paesi
ho imparato 1.5 lingue
ho messo 245 kg
mi sono lamentato tanto ma tanto
e non ho finito
adesso so lagnarmi in tante maniere diverse
e io mi lo sfrutto!
fucking cazzo putain de mierda!

SNCF = les fiches x?

the real big bird...

screw you, you nasally, yellow do-gooder from Sesame Straße!
This is the real big bird, quetzalcoatlus. And I do believe he was french, as its appears he sported a natty beret 70 million years back.