mi culo herboso

thanks!
good name for a band that

magyar making ya crazy

right wing bell end and president of hungary victor orban
not that recently as part of his general being a reactionary fuckwit
went about trying to promote local people couples procreating
you know the deal
protect the master race
make more of us
we are the mostest special after all!
otherwise the 'others' might outnumber us all, big gah!
and in a master stroke of stupidity
his government started putting up giant roadside posters
telling people to back out some more kiddlies

but
as is the way with shitheadded populists
they farked it up
on their family values horseshit posters
they lashed out and bought some generic images online
and of course as they morons
they got images of perhaps the most famous meme peoples of the moment
yes!
the couple whose image has been re-used a billion times over
for language, food, tech and anything else you may have heard of
for memes of a couple
who are walking down the street hand in hand
and hes turned his head
checking out another chick!

georgie orwell sends us all hugs... 

England football fans Vs not being a fuckhead

and i think we all knew who the winner would be...

youre nicked toe rag

“The complexities of cause and effect defy analysis.”
― Douglas Adams

                                                                            

il y a trente ans

en juin 1989 les etudiants chinoises dans beaucoup de villes ont proteste
ils etaient marres du systeme communist du pays
et centaines de milles sont allees dans le rues du pays
le gouvernment
ou meilleur dit le parti communist ont fait tout le possible pour les fermer
si on entend  les nier, les intimider et menacer
veut dire tout le possible
alors ils ont essayer de envoyer l'armee dans le centre ville de pekin
mais a ce point aussi les travailleurs sont entres eux memes dans les rues
et ils ont ferme l'armee
avec leurs propres corps
donc le gouverment a choisi une chose infame
et a ordene l'armee d'entrer
a n'import quel cout dans la place ti an en men
et e arrive le denouement
le tanks etc ont massacre milliers de personnes innocents
sans armes
les personnes normelles que ne volaient plus
que la democratie
que avoir le droit de parler librement

et alors le parti communist a maintenu le pouvoir
et jusqua au'jourdhui presque personne en chine connaissent le faits
et aussi dans le reste du monde
on ne dit rien
car la monnaie chinoise est trop importante
felicitationes au eux
la chine est toujours un pays orwellien

bof!

pandora's wot?

the research department of limebeaverbollocks inc
(heavily subsidised by big pottery)
has made a radical discovery
the container which the pandora chica
and with whos tampering
caused 47 flavours of hell to be unleashed
wasnt a fucking box!
nooooo(ah)
was it a bag?
was it a satchel?
was it a demijohn?
was it a perspex case containing an american shyster?
was it even a fucking amphora?

no
no
no
no!

get your whelms out
give them a good undering
 
it was a jar!
that most basic of objects
bearing the basest form of anglo saxon title

a fucking jar!

put that in your kiln and smoke it!

a la verga con tu bad hair day

si a caso te estas pensando que tu vida esta complicada
que tu vecino tiene un tv mas grande que tuyo
que la senorita a trabajo que te gusta no te sonrie ayer
que tu equipe de futbol se perdio los tres ultimas partidos
que tus medias tienen un agujero de 4 milimetros
o el peor de todos los peores
vives un bad hair day!

refleja un poquito sobre de los 70 anos que tenia bolivia
entre los 19 siglo y el 20 siglo

maldita drama queen!

ma wobbie faceva il sorriso verticale?

era la fine degli anni 80
i cd non erano abbastanza communi per non essere troppo cari
in piu
che cazzo ero,
nostrofuckingdamo del cazzo?
cosi
avevo scoperto la musica che non fa schifo
non sapevo chi cazzo ero
ma sapevo quello che non c'ero
andavo in giro con dei gottici
almeno
quelli che passavano per gotici
nei sobborghi lontani
volevo essere alternativo
ma alternativo a che cosa?

tutti i ragazzi che mi parevano cool
erano grandi fans
le ragazze con troppa truca
i ragazzi con troppa truci

le labbre enormi sul coperchio
mi sembravano molto sensuali
bene
con i pochi soldi che avevo
ho comprato il nuovo disco di 'liqueur'
l'ho portato a casa mia
e l'ho messo sul girodisco di casa
e ho saltato
girato
danzato
e probabilmente
ho mosso i mani come wobbie
e come faceva l'amico
quello che era troppo cool

ma alla fine ho dovuto stare tranquillo
perche il girodisco era sul pavimento
e quando cercavo fare il wobbie
si saltava come una merda!

i got the machine to the machine

we took the machine into town

but the machine stopped working so we had to get the machine

then

even when we got there

the machine showing the machine in the window was playing up

we were wondering about doing some machine shopping

but without the machine

that proved impossible

dont get me wrong

i dont need the latest machine to choose a new machine

but without any machine

it was tough

anyway

after the machine debacle

we had no choice but to go the machine without a machine

in this day and machine age

showing up without a machine!

but we soldiered on without a machine

we tried to compensate for our lack of machine

but it was pretty obvious that we lacked our machine

we joked about our machine

but without our machine

we couldnt really explain our lack of machine

let alone about the tardiness of our machine!



what i really fear

is the day

they turn off the great machine...

turns out thats wildly fucking optimistic

Drunk on election night

so its that time of the fuckhead year/season/triennial/quadrennial again
because its OBLIGATORIO
the pig ignorant voters of straya are voting for their national government
NOT their head of state
noooo
not fucking that
to qualify for that you have to come from one family of inbred tossers on the other side of the world

as per usual most of them cant think beyond two utterly corrupt parties
the utter cunt privileged screw the poor and the planet for fun party
and the theoretically 'workers' party
who long ago sold their souls to multinational corporations
of course there are plenty of other choices
the big racist dipshit party always make an odorous dent
then there are the green party who at least mean well
and a plethora of independents and tiny freakoid jobs
such as
the stop being a cunt and just be nice to each other, man party
the grow the fuck up and protect the vulnerable party
the desperately clinging on to any shred of influence religious parties
the big fat self important rich utter turd party
ive got a fucking beard and used to be on telly party
the bogan moron party
and several more nob head parties
and random assorted the moon is on fire and the earth is made of flattened watermelon wankers

but with one uber rich cunt in particular controlling the vast majority of the media
the utter cunt privileged screw the poor and the planet for fun party always have a huge head start
despite their obvious moral and financial corruption
complete lack of coherence
and outstanding achievement in the field of incompetence awards
will run it close
and the only groupings that actually are in it for a good reason
wont get many votes
because ozzzies oi oi ois are too fucking stupid
to use their tiny ickle brains
think beyond appeals to their bigotry and hip pocket
and to quote a bag of chips
'keep the bastards honest'



so much cuntery
so much incompetence
so much corruption
so much ignorance
viva el sistema!

addis llansamletbar - worst aiport... ever

depending on your choice of airline
a stop over in addis ababa is a distinct possibility
quite a few international flights pull in there
being strategically located
near the junction of three 'continents'
and a shit ton of oil/money

addis llansamletbar on the other hand
is not such a common transit point
being on the wrong side of the river tawe
and being set in an 'enterprise zone'
or some such
that ricky gervais would be familiar with
it involved a couple of flights on shit green airlines
including another stop off at the temple of doom international airport
in the late 1890s i couldnt help but stop there
up to perhaps 20 times
and when you arrive there
theres nothing to do but talk about fucking plastic
and wait for the flight back

in my second stint there
i was lucky enough to get private flights
with some rich english geezer who had his own german plane
who went there regularly for business
and let me his spare cupboard
that george had recently vacated

overall rating - corporate tedium blues
positives - the nice ladies in accounts
negatives -  how fucking boring is plastic!?!

we're dooooomed

there once was a game called doom

you could play at killing in your very own room

(not mine)

in the dark age of the computer

you could be a big shooter

as you stumbled about in the gloom



by the standards of today

you might as well be gathering the hay

but between this and wolfenstein

when you're too young for wine

if you could master three or more keys

(i couldnt)

you could lose many a day

un hippy cointreau ou grand marnier?

which was nice...

Bahraini refugee and footballer Hakeem al-Araibi became an Australian citizen following a ceremony in Melbourne on Tuesday.
Al-Araibi was dramatically freed from a Thai prison a month ago when authorities withdrew extradition proceedings against him.
The 25-year-old travelled to Thailand on his honeymoon and was arrested upon arrival on November 27, detained on an Interpol notice issued at Bahrain’s request.
Al-Araibi fled his homeland in 2014 before being granted permanent residence in Australia, where he has since lived and is on the books of semi-professional club Pascoe Vale

white new shoes

once upon a time there was a girl called white new shoes
she lived on rat-tray alley
doubt it was in a castle tho
she had an admirable dedication to eye makeup
badger tail blush etc
she would have given cleopatra the 14th a good seeing-to
she frequented indie type
gotland type 
proper dark midwinter baltic gear
brit pop type clubs
in the early 19th century
you know
a hard core lute enthusiast
rumour had it she was seeing the dj
at one of the clubs
dj Utter Dick Turdpin
tho we never saw any evidence
it could have been hear-say-hear again
a vicious circle
he played good choons
from the bard of brainsworthy grungingtons
to the ballads of likely laddo of the fifth firth
one night she fell down the stairs
and re-arranged her gilet undergarments
oshhhh boshhhh
the onlookers gasped
nobody got the undergarments thoughts on it
i thought she was ravishing
but we drifted apart
not sure what she drifted on
i drifted on a raft made of tempestuous hawthorn...


i saw her once many years later
defending her sows good name with a pitchfork
maybe during the race for africa
she had married into the veldt suburban gentry
and was still white
but forgone her (formerly) new shoes
and wasnt at all interested
in reminiscing about her clubbing daze
and didnt want to hear about her shoes at all!

vale pete, he was a bit like an aeroplane...

so thats what he was on about...

silence? no, tedium

liam 'not that racist any more' neeson contemplates what the fuck he is doing in this shower of shite

 so i finally got around to watching silence

chiefly because some cool dutch bloke in xi'an was so effusive about it

holy fuck it was tedious

dont get me wrong

i love a good slow movie

i recently enjoyed once upon a time in anatolia

super!

and yi yi

genius!

massive explosions and laser beams are not obligatory for a good fillum

though they sure are big fun

but a film about fucking idiotic religious fundamentalists 

going to a foreign land

to brainwash none the wiser suckers

that their particular fairy tale was better than the one they already had

is bound to be a bit shit

unless somebody applied a bit of critical thinking

and hinted at just how fucking ignorant they were

sure

be faithful to the epoch

but how about a bit of enlightenment 

about the existing culture

about their equally valid and millenia old beliefs

(although not as old as nihon nationalists might have you believe)

mr scor fucking chazay has a fine track record

hell

he even beat ben johnson over the 1255 metres

at the twaddle games back in the graties

so one waits

and tom waits

for some punch

some oomph

but no

just the dreary

dragging on

of brainwashed bellends

on their desperate search

to save the fucking saouls

of the nihon jin

who already had it pretty much sorted

with super swords

and quality hair cuts

crazy wooden shoes

and ramen ffs!

its not big

its not clever

its just long

its just boring

(if pretty)

and to cap it all off

the portuguese speak english

as do the nihon jin 

when they are are unfortunate enough 

to spend kwality time with them

the poor local converts are tortured 

and suffer protracted

and excruciating ends

but they got off light

lying there in their own worlds tonight

compared to the 21st century viewing audience

evident racist con man cheat is a racist con man cheat

Cohen: Trump is a racist, con man, cheat

Donald Trump's former attorney Michael Cohen calls President Trump a racist, con man, and cheat during his opening statement before the House Oversight Committee.

 

 

well that wasnt at all blindingly obvious to anybody who wasnt a fucking galactic grade ignoramus

c'est quoi la capitale de la bretagne?

ouais! c'est reindeers!