ooh im very fucking happy

oh yeah, thats just fab
fuck them all
right in several ears

this sepository lifestyle...

faff about heavily
to drive
to park
to bike
to park you bike?
to roll models
stand over there
that will achieve something
probably not
but how will the wotsit work in this light?
will my howsit flare up in that seating arraignement?
will it be the same without lady F's critical appraisal?
arghghghgh
go and search advice from a higher being
snigger snigger
none the wiser
but much more mooksier
and with an abundance of fag
fear not fools
the tamer of leon is here
he of the munchie delivering
he of the hole drilling
he of the bike fixing
help desking eyecandyvis
so its to be rock and recoil
all the way to the SBFplanade
nearby to the place where the frik once lay
only to find 2 people
with 1 table
and 1 view
and isn't it so lovely
as damon said
as somebody else scrawled on primrose hill
and as ANGALA fixxxed up
twas luvverly it was
a people wotching
a birru quaffing
a butfooneering
but the view
the setting sun
the seaside i love to be beside
the cracking company
and the snacking company
i luvs a bit of inter reaction
not bloody inter milan
they bite
massimo moratti can go dig anther whole
vaffanculo

it looks like your head will fall off

please dont turn your head so fast
it looks like it will fall off
at least thats what old geezer-san thinks
the sushi seems to be a little disappointing
not like we had in old tanaka town
somehow he imagined more
from the booth on the right
with the beer coloured glass
to the row of tables down the wall
much humble bowing and scraping
many small words were used
but it was empty for the most
ahhh there may be a story in there somewhere

OLD 2

what is the deal?
with all this old
its all over the place
sure, theres no crime in old
but why on my watch?
i just happen to not be a huge fan of old
i dont hold it against anyone
but its just not my bag baby
alas it seems i am olds bag
and old wants to get its bag and shake it all up
why why and wherefore
what is the deal?
what makes old hunt me down like a wounded goat in a forest?
dammit old
settle down
i hold no grudge
in some strange way its flattering
but is stated before
nothing to do with my bag
wherever next will old lay in wait for me?
in the gaze of a stranger?
under a baby in a pram?
in a PUB?
its not like im asking for it
is it?
Am I?
maybe its the lazy tennis ball ?
maybe its the oh so moral high ground?
could it be the abjectionables?
fuggered if i know...
im going to start a petition
right here
right now
with jesus jones in tow
say no to old
say go to old
say woe to old
say moe to old
and i said Leonard Cohen

OLD

looks kind of symmetrical doesn't it?

I think I'm a lady but....

I think i'm a lady
But I use the word fuck

I think i'm a lady
But I only use manners when I have to

I think i'm a lady
But I am not offended by the word cunt

I think i'm a lady
But I hate make up

I think i'm a lady
But what the fuck do ladies do?

I hate dressing up, I hate pretending to be what i'm not
Is that ladylike?

I think ladies are false and pretentious
So why do men want you to act that way?

What's wrong with being laid back?
What's wrong with being yourself?
What's wrong with finding humour in freakish things?
What's wrong with society?

What's not.

some more americans shoot each other, piffle

oh no
that didnt really work out how i was hoping
it wasnt an american shooting other americans
it was a south korean shooting americans
thats all right then...
so theres no need to change the gun laws to make it tougher to get guns
if anything there needs to be more guns around
as a few geni have suggested
if only i could go to the usa to live
then i could get shot a lot more
i knew something was sorely missing in this existence

so only one south korean did that?
well knock me down with a baffle board
he was probably a lovely chirpy child
before he moved there
then he became a pathetic hateful ignorant obsessed twat
just like a couple of hundred mill other
its something like a straaaaaaaaaaaange phenomenon
that happens primarily in one country
couldnt possibly be anything to do with free guns for all
thatd just be daft
now if the other turds had guns safely stored in their pencil cases
they could have shot that kid before he shot them
and if the teacher had napalm hidden under his elbow patches
that would have sorted everything out before it got started
if the dean had cluster bombs
well, thatd would be much safer
rooooobot house!
and the cleaners
if they had been sensibly equiped with flame throwers
for cleaning up and such
all this carnage would never have taken place
not to mention the gardeners
if only half of them had land mines planted as far as they eye could see
they could have tempted that kid onto the garden and saved everybody
and the really really important private security service guys/fake police
if they had been given just a couple of tactical nukes...
itd be like having cucumber sandwiches on the lawn
not to mention the life guards at the pool
why they werent equipped with ICBMs to launch from the paddle boards is beyond me
is this supposed to be the greatest country in the worrrrld?
and who left the cheerleaders without even a single grenade?
on quiet days they could use them as pyrotechnics between ads
its lunacy
and whats the point of burning all the books if the librarians cant have a lazy few surface to air missiles?
that kid might have shown up on a jetpack....
dammit if this country doesnt get more guns,
how will we ever get anybody to take us seriously as a pretend bit of america?
its just not good enough to join in stupid ill conceived wars, boycot international treaties to save the planet, treat your citizens like dirt and demonise asylum seekers and the indigenous and ram our pathetic neo christian values down everybodies throats....
fuck you, make a fucking effort

confetti

He kinda
shoulda
sorta
woulda
gone to the lemonheads gig
if he could've

but he didnt and it sucked

what's so great about the british class system

fucking nowt

the day that arthur made it to the POW

while it was not strictly necessary
it was strictly fun
somebody had already being playing the field
there were broken bits everywhere
some shouting and carrying on
charmed im not so sure
not pulled up genes
and a lairy canary
chaperoned by a laydee
a lightly peppered playground
some freaks staring in blurry box of moving shapes
fancy thatvis
south Jerusalem was 24 knots up on the murray dowling footrubbers
and the Inca flebiles were looking good to underthrow the fiefdom of stupidity
a sign on the wall said nothing at all
but someone is on the wayyyy out
the limp bar was deserted
then came the parkway express
and then some big bloke with silly hair
and some silly bloke with big hair
with a gaggle of giggle
somebody fell short
somebody ran off
somebody had no humourarse
nobody had a spotted beck
a loud declaration of disprezza
rounded up with an awful lot of standing around
funny that

the biggest bunghole

bog off skinny dippers
this is just bloody silly
fat bastard number 61
please step up and remove your smalls
wow, thats unpleasant
last week you stank
this week you reek
fat bastard number 22
please peel back your toenails
wow, thats rank
last week you were popular
this week you are a disaster area
fat bastard number 1034
please shave off your tache
wow, thats plain ugly
last week you denied parentage
this week its beyond you
fat bastard number 38
please have that operation
wow, your earhole is puny
last week you drank someones urine
this week you will drink liquid football
fat bastard number 89
please unfold your wings
wow, thats crusty
last week you failed your exams
this week your pelvic splanchnic ganglyon will be removed
fat bastard number 666
please return to earth as armageddon is imminent
wow, sulphur toasties all round
last week you knobbed saddam hussain
this week you see flowers bloom
up there.......

The day Kerryn wrote the blog.......

It's all right if you love me
It's all right if you don't
I'm not afraid of you running away
Honey, I get the feeling you won't

There is no sense in pretending
Your eyes give you away
Something inside you is feeling like I do
We've said all there is to say

Baby breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right Breakdown
Go ahead and give it to me
Breakdown honey take me through the night
Breakdown now I'm standin' here can't you see
Breakdown it's all right
It's all right
It's all right

I just thought that up myself.......

well that solves the mystery of the mystery

what an incredible series of mysteries to solve...
the mystery of the text message
the mystery of the phone calls
the mystery of the strange sensations
the mystery of the curry on the cupboard
the mystery of the jellybotty
the mystery of the bruises that have yet to arrive
the mystery of the fondled foot
the mystery of the blah blah blah
the mystery of the facial hair
the mystery of the nationality of the waitress
the mystery of the british political climate
the mystery of the lying about feeling seedy
the mystery of the stolen music
the mystery of the busted diet
the mystery of the ill feeling towards people in the outer
the mystery of the calls register feature
the mystery of the empty bottles
the mystery of the cant be arsed cooking anything much
the mystery of the lungs arguing
the mystery of the papers unfurling
the mystery of the scratched disc
the mystery of the lionel impersonator
the mystery of the spelling of mystery
the mystery of the cold breadheads
the mystery of the fishy sensations
the mystery of the the fumbled vocabulary
the msytery of the chilled arms
the mystery of the furtive limebeaver
the mystery of the outside world
the mystery of the mysoginy
the mystery of the calls not made
the mystery of the irrational discourse
the mystery of the great big mess
the mystery of what ever the fuck comes next
umm no...

yoshimi beats erik up

about bloody time

let me take you down to goatberry mound and the lamb and flag

sure we did
going for a pootle
driving thru
without the necessary permits
cant be arsed with them
crusing on down by the seaside
ahh the parm trees
strangely out of place
look
a mound
no, no, no
thats not it
thats a mound
not the mound
just up here
in an inconvenient place
yep, thats the puppy
quite a mound that one
good for all kinds of things
first discovered by a browsing bob
someones legs nearly fell off
that was a bad thing apparently
righty dokey
got that out of the system
then heading for the other landmark
the lamb and flag
it has been a long time
not necessarily a good time
if only that hairy bloke was wandering the streets
sigh
drag up a couch
not much has changed
a bit less of that
a bit more of this
then a bit of sooooonshine
with beervis in it
very plej
careful he might hear you
tell a tale of a pale snail
and whoppstopp
it shows
and for my next trick
i will conjure a floating marshmallow pit

the vestal virgil festivus

twas a dark and stormy night
not really
it was quite pleasant actually
if only a tad nipply
and most conveniently located
just up the road
in a luvverly setting
in the domain of the king
didnt see him gadding about tho
itd seem that hes not that fussed about it
there were some stars
there were some stelle
and some whiffy bastards
the city lights looked pretty damn good too
i'm running out of paint
there were lots of people
bungsnaps and portfolio carriers
probably a lot of greats
chirondel, henri mateus ecc
didnt see any flamin
did see a fartknocker
in a line
it was quite fortuitous timing really
if there can be such a thing when it comes to fartknockers
just finished saying how much of a twat it was
apparently phoenix were good
and new york dolls were something
all that practice for nowt
then the lights went down
and everything got purple
and on came a jumping jarvis flash
he rocked the place
throwing his skinnny arse hither and thither
doing press ups
chatting away about funny thangs
getting up on boxes
he didnt touch the garages tho
no pulp songs showed up
but that wasnt the end
and he did have a point about cunts still running the world
what a man
a lull followed
and great expectations threatened a diss-a-pointment
clathes everywhere...
surely the pixies would be a sad parody of their former greatness
they couldnt possibly still be that cool
but they rocked
they rolled
they were fab
they played an amazing set
interrupted only by bleach balls
it was truly spectacular
giving the kind of drug free buzz
that only mind blowing good shows can
what a great bday present
thanx maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan

for the love of it

no, thats not it

The messer - a tribute album

33 today
33 today
not yesterday
or tomorrow
but
33 today
the proud proprietor of the cheekiest smile, the most troubliest of trousers and a light that draws us in like moths to the flame.
sadly i missed the first 20 something years. I bet they would have been a good laugh.
but the more than decade has been a blast...
giggles and groans in
Swansea escaping embraces
Bath with a bevvy of your babes
Edinburgh enduring Madonna
Bristol because it were there
Birmingham having a lock-in
Salisbury smiling inanely on iron age mounds
Huanchaco speaking in tongues
Praknam Pran with bitten bottom
San Sebastian with streamers on
the Dordogne on late night crumble fests
and possibly more...
Much love and thinking of you in the nicest possible ways

when is a goldfish not a goldfish?

when its a redfish

coupe de la ligue

Lyon turning the screw
Fred
Govou
it was a terrific volley wasnt it?
who really has had a wonderful start
offsides one apiece
could well have deceived ramik
their job was to run in
govou just acknowledging
a tighter formation
tried to add a little bit of creative flair
designed to inspire
wendall
3 white shirts with him
precious little to do
its a game for artists
says the referee
juninho
fred
really terrific last line of defence
producers giving us
lovely long legs
2 minutes of being knocked out
underemployed so far
here comes wendall
four in the box
i thought it was a bit of a check
a little bit disjointed at times
various parisien styles
on the counter
once again the same type of ploy
little bit of a sly hand going out
aww thats clever
this is fred
make himself available
bit of a chop
a number of permeatations at the back
just past the hour
hes been calm all eveing
they deserve to go
not too far for the lens contingent
sometimes its unnecessary
if he does any more of that hes off
as a coach here
if you get an injury now, youre snookered
something of a rarity tonight
theyve had clean sheets
since the age of six
is anybody going to bother crossing to me tonight?
good little take over the swede from the czech
by the same token
2 heavyweight boxers jabbing inside the ring
since his movement to the birmingham area
debatable decision
to get over the top of micoud
tiago on the post
the goalkeeper came
and the goalkeeper didnt get there
what a time to score
there he comes
its their day perhaps
what a time to score
it was just over a year ago
he is potentially the hero
they have one minute to survive
malouda again
thats it!
absolutely blown out of the water
what a dramatic finish
all season long
an unlikely hero
theres the president
he stopped the flow
bordeaux are bathed in gold