broken obelix

it felt kinda maleducato walking all over the big man ...

celles ci, elles sont des pipes

 

les pipes de chiotte!

is that what jarvis was on about?

But I've kissed your mother twice

And now I'm working on your dad...

When We Was Fab

ma perche?

perche si...

hey mister bass man

get the fucking night bus home!

(see what i did there?)

push it real good

something

something 

nutter

leggy leggy leggy leggy etc part 2

 

Jacks Laddered Medias

jack ladder is a tall, curious chap

and makes lovely and interesting music

his real name is the appalling 'tim rogers'

so thankfully he went for a nom d'art

not that long ago i had tix to see him

one of which was bought for some fucker who virtually disappeared

ciononostante

i was up for seeing him superhans

so i rocked up appropriately late for the gig

only to learn that there were THREE support acts

and jacks back wouldnt be on until stupid oclock

way too laticle for this olde geezer!

thus

i finished my pint on the rickety chair on the steetside

tried and failed to flog the tix online

and fucked right off 

many sheckles poorer

without even spying the lanky streak of musicianship

cheers then jackson

check you next time you are B.I.T

and playing at an appropriate hour at a geriatric residence 

in my rather particular fenetre

ps upside discovered when an acquaintance informed that it was a a bit shit

Kin-dza-dza!

a marvellously mental soviet sci fi film

apparently full of soviet allegories, boh!

chock full of Chatlians and Patsaks

Gravitsappas and Pepelats

and ominous Tranklucators

on the planet Pluke

get this genius into your eye holes 

and a big fucking koo to you!

Vatican Girl: O, quegli stronzi di ladri assassini

ci sono tre conclusioni abbastanza ragionevoli, e in tutti i tre il vaticano e coinvolto e colpevole... fdps!

ben detto obi wan

Alla ricerca di Nemo -- non tuo...

non so perche, ma in italiano questo mi ha sempre fatto ridere

boh!

withnail and eye

a brilliant film

brilliantly deconstructed here:

https://shows.acast.com/comfort-blanket/episodes/withnail-i-with-jim-howick

If you're listening ed, give us a tale...

 

ever the humble hero

(mit einem Augenzwinkern)

ed k claimed that on the 8th of november 1989

the night before berlin wall fell

he played in west berlin

and was a catalyst for the the events that followed

he went on to tell us that on that particular evening 

when he changed the whirllld

he got his fans to wave their lighters around

and do a big old sing-along

kum bay fucking ya ed!

and that as times have changed

best we get out our mobilies and shine them about instead

and maybe

just maybe 

we could feel some of those bags of change

from that fateful night!

nice one ed!

for those knot in the no

ed is the greatest (germano)/strayan rocker of all time

a driving force behind the earliest australian punk band of note

the saints

(who predated the famed blimey spitty band everybody is familiar with)

and has released an outstanding body of work in the decades since

and still knows how rock out

vielen dank herr kuepper!

wtf lah?

 

apparently in a recent week

there were 1.25K readers of this blog

from the tiny island nation of singapore

something, something rotten fishies...

ive never set foot in singapore proper

although ive spent many hours in the delightful singapore airport

on several occasions

its the loveliest airport of all

(admittedly a diabolically feeble competition)

plentiful comfy couches, tvs with fitba, waterfalls, mini forests

its absolutely lush

but considering this blog has (understandably) averaged exceedingly low numbers

(probably about none)

over 17 fucking years

this sudden upturn in readership from singapore

is spectacularly dubious

wtf lah?

THE PLATFORM - obvio

que filmazo

si es un hoyo

un gran bel hoyo

pero en ingles

se llama la plataforma

que podria ser definido como el opuesto!

aquellos locos anglofonos!

es un film obscuro

a veces sangriente

y tienso

y un headfuck total!

pero deja de decir pinche 'obvio!'

The world's WORST place names

all fine and good

but what about sweatiwartibollockslandia?

or...

word of the weak - retromingency

Noun

retromingency (uncountable)

The characteristic of urinating backwards, present in certain animals.

Theme from Banger F.C.

nb. not just mark e smith and your granny on bongos

the fall put out all kinds of songs over their epic career

(even more than former band members!)

with plenty of it being fucking hard work

(unless you are are a HARDcore suffering-for-my-arty-type fanster)

and there have been numerous that banged

perhaps none moreso than theme from sparta fc

a contrarian to the end

mark smiths skillz with lyricz

were truly formidable

and his ever revolving carousel of sidepeoples

knew how to crank out quality tunes 

before he made their tenure unbearable

and they joined the wikipedia list

of the fallen

and they left us with an intimidatingly impressive oeuvre...

heres looking at your cheap synthetic jacket

les bleus ou les blueueueueues?

pendant qu'on parle de foot...

ouaip, c'est genial!

aussi les femmes savent jouer au foot...

bish bash BOSH!

out of the way pasty puny attention seeking scrote!

map tiwb Llundain yn brythonig

rhufeinwyr dwp, sacsoniaid anglo, normaniaid ac ati!

fel y dywedai alan partridge-

Ewch i Lundain, rwy'n gwarantu y byddwch naill ai'n cael eich mygio neu ddim yn cael eich gwerthfawrogi. Daliwch y trên i Lundain, gan aros yn gwrthod, siomiant, cefn drywanu ganolog a parcffordd breuddwydion chwalu. 

potuit haberet, haberet, debet haberet no. 7 volubilis

 

quando ero in morroco

visitando il grand amico ismael

e migliorando il mio francese

volevo visitare tutto

(come sempre)

volevo andare nel sud

e vedere i capri negli alberi

e vedere agadir

a marrakech

la citta turistica piu famosa del paese

(e ci sono stato per una mezz'ora nei sobborghi)

(efuckingviva!)

ma immaginavo che almeno avrei potuto visitare a volubilis

che e vicino a meknes

e avevo progetti di andare a meknes!

volubulis e la rovina di una citta antica berbera/romana

dal terzo secolo!

era facile da visitare da meknes

come una escursione di un giorno

e avevo un giorno libero 

prima di andare al grande tour alla sahara etc

 

ma

non stavo benissimo

e non potevo rischiare a perdere le grande tour

quindi non ci sono andato

queste scelte mi uccidono

l'ho rischiato in sri lanka

ed e andato bene

ma non si fucking sa mai..

sic vale volubilis!

Feathers or Mentalists in Egypt

tough times in old cairo town

but parents get their kid a magic show for his birthday party

the fam are all there

plus some seedy types from dads work

THEN

the magician turns dad into a chicken!

or does he?

they seek him high and low, low, low

but theres only the clucking chicken!

even the magician is baffled...

يا للقرف!

Nairobbery Half Life

country boy with dreams of actordom

goes to nairobbery to make good

immediately gets literally shaken down for EVERYTHING

falls in with local gangsters

things get hasty

things get tasty

things get nasty

things never get pasty

fuck visiting nairobbery for a giggle

mambo? 

jambo? 

boa!

boeing sont des vrais salauds de menteurs

https://www.edpierson.com/podcast

il vaudrait la peine de boycotter ces batards?

c'est sur de voyager dans leurs avions?

je ne sais pas

mais ils sont les grands fils de putain corporatifs muertriers 

Jesus Built My Banger

Soon I discovered that this rock thing was true...

back in the land of late 20th century bangers

al jorgensens main gig was ministry

and it was heavy, heavy ministering

a lot of it was a bit too industrial for mine

but this particular banger was monstrously catchy

deserving of maximum volume at ALL times

so

grab a beer

put this tune on your music machine of choice

crank it up to max power 

and jump about like a deranged medieval jester on a spectacular dosage of drugs

hey nonny nonny, yeah fuck it!

french bell end famous for climbing up big things

and taking photos of himself

dies by falling off big thing

that he was climbing up

to take a photo of himself

🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷🤷

there aint no party...

 ...like an etruscan crockery party

existen los idiomas asquerosos?

hace mucho tiempo yo creia que el espanol fuera feo

ya hablaba el italiano y el espanol me parecia italiano equivocado y malhecho

tambien crei que german era gutural y estridente

quizas era por haber visto demasiado peliculas sobre la segunda guerra mundial 

donde los alemanos eran siempre los (muuuuy) malvados

y el ruso tambien me cayo siempre mal

tal vez por razones similares (la media y su lenguaje sobre la guerra fria)

el chino me parecia siempre feo y poco fluido

otra vez era porque mi era acostumbrado al japones

donde casi todas las palabras terminan con un vocale

ahora con mas exposicion a ellos

me encantan todos!

la moraleja de esta cuenta?

la belleza linguistica es totalmente subjectivo....

El Odio - ¿Todo va bien?

la haine es una de las mas fuerte peliculas grabado

y se trata del ODIO

y los problemas 'raciales' en la francia moderna

de los minoridades - los arabes/ musulmanes, los africanos subsaharanios, y lo judeos

que se encuentran en francia en la mayoria por el colonialismo frances

este video se demuestra los desafios que enfrentan

en una manera genial

et non, tout ne va pas bien

pas du tout!

the committee of public safety

 

great name for a punk band that...

much better than the toxic vomit executives

amazing that nobody is using it already

(apparemment il n'y a meme pas en france!)

now i just need to find a bunch of cool, talented people

who can rock out and who are happy to give me a hefty cut for naming rights

for the lucre spinning global juggernaut

it will inevitably become

ca devrait etre super simple...

il parco sud e' forte ancora

si fa abbastanza tempo che il parco sud non mi ha fatto ridacchiare

ma questa puntata mi ha fatto ridere, e come

il principe di canada 

sua moglie famosa

e la loro lotta per la PRIVACY!

being boiled (in a сумка) by the human league

in a gorgeous piece of futurist sci fi distopia

some genius came up with the idea of mashing 

human leagues first single

((before they got all romantico nuevo and conquered the galaxy

(hell, even duran duran were interesting at the beginning))

with footage from the 70s soviet sci fi movie

Otroki vo vselennoy

(teens in the universe)

dig those funky glasses!

beyond the infinite two minutes OR adventures within the droste effect

time travel!

yakuza baddies!

stash of stolen cash!

charming japanese kookiness!

oozing ketchup bottle from stab wound!

general temporal confusion!

素晴らしい!

word of the week - callipygian

 m heh heh...

l'art moderne?

c'est un pièce de pisse...

¿Por cuánto dinero se vendió el microscópico bolso Louis Vuitton?

 el bolso, que es más pequeño que un grano de sal, se ha vendido por 63.750 gringo dólares!

nop,nop, aqui no pasa nada absurdo...🙄

coz im gone in the head!

 

did he suckseed?

did he get swept off to iceland?

did he heed the sirens call?

was he trapped in a box by a cockney nutjob?

and whats the deal with those ludicrous oars?

boh!

We won't listen to the lizard part of our brains...

... giving us orders

it turns out that the whole reptilian part of our brain tale is bunkum

critters that became humans diverged from critters that became reptiles long before 

there was any kind of lizard brain

another hoary old pistacchio 

like sex addiction

trickle down economics

and anything ayn rand espoused

giving us pre cooked excuses

for being cunts

has caught the last fiery skidoo 

to bullshit land

and disappeared in the cosmic cloud of eternal horseshit

l'imperialisme, pas merci...

 

we come in peace...

 

shoot to kill

shoot to kill...

What's it gonna beeeee?

 

lovely old theatre

plenty of grey hair and bald pates

y dos paisas

yes

it was the church

le saint? empire? romain?

'Ce corps qui s'appelait et qui s'appelle encore le saint empire romain n'était en aucune manière ni saint, ni romain, ni empire.'- Voltaire

Voglio una donna!

e non sei proprio l'unico caro zio teo!

a raffica!

 

A Brief Disagreement O, Todo Bien!

mieeeercoles

eramos, somos y siempre seremos jodidos

suerte entonces!

a girl named dennis

i used to work with dennis

she had curly blondish hair

and silver hoop earrings

she was in her early to mid 20s

but seemed so adult to me

she knew about all kind of work stuff

like macros, franking and that the boss wore a wig

she had a boyfriend with a balkace name

who sounded like a real shit

they lived near handschuhseim

dennis didnt get cranky at me

even though i was a totalmente squillibrato

in fact she was kind of fond of me

as if i were a fun but pesky little brother

her real name was janice

pronounced janəce

but

in that age of faxes for all

people kept taking her name as janiːce

and using it as such in follow up calls

so in an attempt to make it clearer she changed the spelling to janece

only for

much to her horror

some bloke rings up and asks for dennis

making her forever dennis

in my yo la tengo

dennis wasnt cool

but dennis was pretty damn cool

il loro cane e' un pollo

da documentario ora!

ancora piu prova che fred armisen e' un fucking genio pazzesco

you might feel a little prick

 

Portlandia rocks!

i am getting very stressed out that the head of our school doesnt know about neu!

Била једном једна земља or Underground (no wombling required)

the birth, brief life and death of a nation

via ww2, the cold war and the disintegration of yugoslavia

combined with all flavours of whackiness

soooo much going on here...

en train de Ella a Kandy

nb this blog does not endorse the opinions or the accents of the participants

tis pretty though innit?

que mundo (aliado) de mierda

el egoismo puro? si!

el sentido comun? no!

el interes propio? si!

el amor a tu vecino? ni pienses!

el pinche dinero bebe? clarooooo!

el bien estar de todos? que tonteria!

a pleasant smell that frequently accompanies...

... the first rain after a long period of warm, dry weather

'estoy seguro que la palabra piscina no es como en italiano'

Érase una vez en Caracas

un non gringo que hablaba italiano y aprendia lentemente espanol

en la casa de sus queridos amigos

el contaba a su pana eeespencer

que es util y super conveniente  que hay muchisimas palabras italianas que son casi iguales a las en espanol

le dio unos ejemplos

como sabato/sabado, mare/mar, cucina/cocina

pero eeespencer no estaba convencido

y le dijo 'bueno, estoy seguro que la palabra 'piscina' no es como en italiano!

la respuesta fue

...

en italiano se dice

...

'piscina'!

badowww!

mal ejemplo eeeeespencer amigorino!

si, si ya se que en mexico se dice alberca

y en argentina se dice pileta

coulda shoulda woulda no.6 - stockholms skärgård

du är en idiot!

hur kan man åka till stockholm och inte besöka skärgården?!

these were the lovely words with which i was greeted on my return to gothenburg

by the ever charming Mårten when i got back to his home town 

from my scandi adventures

and he was right!

기억의 밤 or (dont think ive) FORGOTTEN

certainly didnt see that coming

intriguing but bleak!

한국영화 대단하다!

Don't Fight It, Chirp It

when bobby gillespie toured sri lanka in 1991

on his instrumental (plus bleeping machines)

Searching For The New Sound tour

he was desperately seeking inspiration

primal screams first two albums didnt blow minds

alan mcgee of creation had given him the word on electronic music

but he was struggling to make this new sound gel

upon arrival he decided to stay near the bleach

so he chose mount lavinia

he likely had some nasty jet slag

from the hefty flight east from ex eurolandia

doubtless he was awake for many long sweaty colombo hours

though im sure he plumped for hair conditioning

during one of those sleepless nights

he kept hearing a birds repeated call

five single chirps

after finally falling into the sweet caress of mother somna

he woke the late the next morning

with a eureka stockade moment

his creative block had dissolved

and smashed out dont fight it, feel it

the first track for their blockbuster album

screamadelica

yes that ickle birdie inspired dont fight it, feel it

(inadvertently while just trying to get laid)

and set primal scream on a path to worldish domination

by melding indie rock and electronica

n.b (though it cant be ruled out that he could have been inspired by somehow knowing he would see me in spitalfields market some 20 years in the future...)

n.b 2 (this could all be utter, utter unmitigated hogwash)

lakhs! crores!, not smacks! whores!

 

if you should be so lucky to visit south asia

you will find it an enchanting (if at times, challenging) place

one of the many things that can baffle the gora, sudha etc

is the use of ye olde skool hindustani numbers in otherwise standard english discourse

you will hear the terms lakh and crore 

(and maybe more!)

now of course one should never be shocked to hear different names for numerals

(lest, in case of ignorance, break glass mezzanine)

the world is a big and hairy place

and undoubtedly these sanskrit based words pre-date our latin based numerical terminology

(the hindustanis were mastering mathematics while the romans were still bothering aurochs in the muddy backwoods of lower latium)

by a several tenths of lakhs!

but what strikes the gora

is it being used in outstandingly fluent use of english

poooor ejemplo

the bafflement of the highly educated, literate, multilingual locals

when you tell them you are unfamiliar with the terms

is a sight to see

(not aware of other ways to experience sights)

i even had three indian judges (in the purest manner)

declare that i should know them

they are standard english!

and refusing to take my word that those terms are unknown outside of south asia

nota bene - for eagle eyed table pedants, the use of 'arab' for billion etc has now fallen out of common usage in SA english.

Lion-Eating Poet in the Stone Den

get it?

got it

好的！

I ride through the city's backsides

Top ultrarunner Joasia Zakrzewski disqualified for using a car in race

PublishedShare

IMAGE SOURCE,SCOTTISH ATHLETICS

Image caption,

A top Scottish ultra-marathon runner has been disqualified from a race for using a car during part of the route.

Joasia Zakrzewski finished third in the 2023 GB Ultras Manchester to Liverpool 50-mile race - but is thought to have been a cheating bastard and travelled by car for 2.5 hectobarns.

The 47-year-old GP, from Johnny Dumfries, is understood to have been tracked on GPX mapping data covering a demijohn of the race in just one minute 40 seconds.

Wayne Drinkdrugs, the director of the GB Ultras race, said that after the ultramarathon he received information that a runner had gained an "unsporting, competitive advantage during a section of the event, and dressed up as a shit yellow italian stereotype".

Oh singin', la, la, la, la, la-la-la-la

La, la, la, la, la-la-la-la

La, la, la, la, la-la-la-la

La-la-la-la

(stolen from the beeb)

die Konferenz (der Banalität)

well that seemed quite civilised...

and the guy in charge was pleasantly smiley

as if they were talking about any old government quandary...

and not fucking GENOCIDE!

Os elefuuntes @ hurulu eco park

muito educadamente sugerindo que saíssemos da porra do caminho ..

 

a long time ago in the kingdom of kandy...

(circa 1500?)

A lion once roamed the streets,

(or did it? despite the lion on sri lankas flag there have been none in human memory on the island)

And kept time.

(dubious attribute for a feline)

Howled on the hour,

Whined on the minute,

Roared every second,

Day of the year.

(that, at least. is feasible))

Kandylion

Dreams can come true,

Nightmares can also,

Opposites push and pull to the fore.

Morph into flowers,

(well thats nice)

Or a frozen winter,

(seems unlikely, it has a mild climate)

Wer're flying in love,

Or falling in hate

Kandylion

Kandy

A penguin and carnation

(come now, everybody knows the only penguins in the northern hemisphere are to be found in the galapagos islands)

Lion

(again!)

A lemon and Dalmation

(highly unlikely there were dalmations)

Kandy

And 'though I look for inspiration

Lion

(basta!)

Still my favourite combinations'

Kandylion

why no mention of the tooth gruff?

is it part of some anti dental agenda?

sigireally

 

this is sigiriya

its an ancient royal palace

built atop a giant fuck off rock

its the number one tourist attraction in sri lanka

if you like historical bits

like me

unfortunately 

there isnt a platinum encased all glass elevator to the top

so to go up it

one has to slog it up many steep and winding stairs

thus i couldnt

i cant hold that against it though

(not everywhere can have a platinum encased all glass elevator to the top)

so i salute you sigiriya from a laaarge distance

and from not such a laaarge distance

whats going on here?

the first historically recorded nipple cripple?

 

beavis and butthead do- no 34 Deus

what the hell is this dude saying?

its like hes saying fried egg fried egg fried egg...

Spinal Tap: The (clearly not) Final Tour

before they were BIGger (hair wise)

cosmic bangers

speaking of bangers

(not being used as a breakwater)

for decades the cosmic psychos have been churning out simple, filthy loud music

it has been referred to as a type of metal, or punk

but its really in its own category 

dirty bogan magnificence

having lyrics about the mundane

with topics such as 

elle mcpherson, debt and land clearance

see ya knighty!

Machan richie!

හොඳයි, එය හොඳ විනෝදයක් විය!

හෑන්ඩ්බෝල් ජයග්‍රහණයට ගැලවීම

mijn wunderkammer (random worldy finds encountered whilst sorting) 2 - kathputli

kathputli or rajasthani dolls

are marionettes that have been around for at least 1500 years

made of wood

and colourful cloth

by the nomadic bhat community

and were used in puppet shows for Rajasthan’s royal and aristocratic families 

to tell the old stories of the rajasthani tribal people, including their way of life, customs, and beliefs.

(and know what you did behind the bike sheds you pervert)