tie me to the length of that

 

Ooh, ahh, pretty, pretty baby...

she paints words in red

hegemony

superfluity

heuristic

satrap

tremulous

 

Beavis and butthead vs. no 9 - tiffany

she has to play in a mall because she sucks...

spot the twat #4, rodrigo duterte

 

utter scrote and all round obnoxious scum of the nastiest, corpse filled, toxic waste spillaged and nuclear refuse deluged pond,  (and president of the phillipines), saying something offensive and stupid. 

 Speaking of ongoing war on drugs which has seen thousands of extrajudicial killings:

“Hitler massacred three million Jews. Now there are three million drug addicts … I’d be happy to slaughter them.”

On the rape/murder of 36-year-old Australian missionary Jacqueline Hammill after a prison assault in Davao City in 1989:

“When the body was taken out, it was already wrapped. I looked at her face. I said, ‘F**k, she looks like an – like an American actress, a beautiful one … I said: ‘F**k, what a waste’. What went through my head was that they raped her. That everyone had lined up to rape her. I got angry. That she was raped? Yes, that too. But it was that she was so beautiful – the mayor should have been first. What a waste.”

On five-hour traffic delay in already traffic-thronged Manila during a visit by Pope Francis:

“Pope, you son of a bitch, go home. Don’t visit here any more.” (this one is actually to be applauded, but for all the wrong reasons)

After his daughter Sara said she had been raped, Duterte described her as a drama queen:

 “She can’t be raped – she carries a gun.”

After EU criticises extrajudicial killings of thousands suspected of involvement in the drugs trade, Duterte raises his middle finger in an insulting gesture - and repeats the message the following day:

 “Even the EU is scolding me … When I was mayor, that was OK, but it is different now because I am the president. Why would you insult me? It is as if I am your subordinate … F**k you.”

Message to US president Barack Obama after the US criticised his administration’s human rights record:

“Son of a whore, I’ll curse you at that forum. Don’t do anything like that to me.”

Remarks addressed to drug lords during election campaign:

“Forget the laws on human rights. If I make it to the presidential palace, I will do just what I did as mayor. You drug pushers, hold-up men and do-nothings, you better go out. Because I’d kill you. I’ll dump all of you into Manila Bay, and fatten all the fish there.”

When compared to US presidential candidate Donald Trump:

“He is a bigot and I am not.” (well he was half right)

Speaking after a meeting with US ambassador Philip Goldberg:

“We were talking to [US Secretary of State John] Kerry. He’s okay but I had an argument with their ambassador, that homosexual. Son of bitch, he really annoys me.”

On territorial disputes with China in the South China Sea:

“I will ride a jet ski [to the Spratlys] while bringing the Philippine flag. I will plant the flag on the runway and tell the Chinese authorities, ‘Kill me.’”

(stolen from the irish times)

jimbo boy, youre a crock of shit

Why don't you give your mouth a go
And in the other hole, put a plug?

algole!

el espanol mexicano es una bellisima cosa misteriosa y complicada

en un pais tan grande y de grande poblacion de tantas culturas distintas

y que tiene un chorro de imaginacion

su variedad y riqueza es casi ilimitado

este hecho es algo hermoso y encantador

pero lo hace bastante laberintico

tambien si se habla bien el espanol

las frases siguientes me dejaron despistado

asi, al final

despues de aniquilar mi porbre cerebro

tratando de recordar todos sus significados

me quede con una frase

aplicable para todas las tres

les presento...

ALGOLE!

(nb. podria ser util solamente en el dialecto poco conocido, el simonense)

elver galarga y su familia

 

Rosa meltrozo 

Rosa Melano

Larry Capija

Rosa Melfierro Delgado

Elvio Lado

Maria Dolores delorto

Maria Dolores delano

Elmas Turbado

Elver Gazo

Elver Galinda

Elver Gachica

Elba Boso

Jorge Nitales 

Mari Conazo

ohh yeaahh!

make an underwater wish

once upon a time

i went diving in the red sea

(dont believe the hype, its not fucking red)

off the disgraceful shitstain of resorts

full off filthy rich, entitled and downright boorish russians

and pushy, avaricious hotel staff

fuck your baksheesh sky high!

that make up hurghada

sadly and predictably

the coral is badly damaged by the fuckhead tour operators mooring their boats

by tying them to coral branches

i was bricking it

as i hadnt dived since i got my licence 8 years before

when i had cheated on the test!

and i had forgotten even the things that i had copied

that last addled, stressful and exhausted night by lake malawi

happily it all went well enough

and we dived by make a wish island

and my wish not to fuck up and drown in disgrace

did indeed come true

non potrebbe, non sarebbe, non dovrebbe (essere successo-piu o fucking meno) no.5

 

la destruzione del borgo di via madre di dio

figgeu erano incazzati neri!

words are wasted

pantagruel

dyspathy

penultimate

pot-valiant

vizier

 

I Was Hoping You'd Say Cunt

and when you did

it felt pretty good...

genau richtig!

britain was “captured by gambling liars, frivolous clowns and their paid cheerleaders."

nikolaus blome, der spiegel - on brexit.

il pourrait, serait, devrait (plus ou fucking moins) no.4

c'est dommage, ca

ils n'ont pas acheve' cet episode du comic strip presents...

eddie monsoon, c'est une vie? etait vraiment genial et je l'ai trop kiffe

le caractere est trop amusant et vachement ouf!

car il n'y a personne de mieux pour jouer le psycopathe comme ade!

beavis and butthead do no. 8 - Ween

these dudes need to quit screwing around and get back to making sandwiches...

thank fuck thats over

 

somebody has been twatting on my remote peninsula...

for thirteen years a fucking tool spent each summer camping in the wilds of russkaya amyerika

he took loads of beautiful footage of big bad brown grizzly bears

often alarmingly closely

doing their wild things

fishing, playing, fighting and generally being bad arsed bears

until eventually

being an utter buffoon

and believing that they were his fuzzy maties

despite banging on repeatedly about how dangerous they were

one of them eventually got sick of his extremely try hard attenbrough shit

saw him and his girlfriend

decided that they would taste just right

and ate them all up.

beavis and butthead do no.7 - archers of loaf

with a chicken?

bah buttplug

feliz saturnalia hdps

 

au tlein inik amo?

hay una vieja castaña canosa

que dice que

en america antigua no tenien las ruedas

pero no es verdad!

y la prueba esta alla! ^^^

los mexicas tenian juguetes con ruedas

pero parece que nunca se les occurio usarlas por cosas utiles

como carros

¿qué coño?

words of the executioner

edification

epistemology

concatenation

ineffable

psychopomp

shut up, cricks on the radio again

 

with absofuckinglutely nothing else to do

im going to vaguely make an effort to follow the crick again

it happens every now and again

come sweaty southern summer time

its usually in an eighth arsed kind of way

most years its just a slight noticing of results

and by the time i got around to making a clickworthy effort

the only version that hasnt been utterly trashed was over

as a junior beaver©

i was quite the fan of the crick

watched it on the telly for hours on end

mostly bored out of tiny brain

marvelled at the effortless cool brilliance of viv and co

agonised over defeats to perfidious albion

i played it at home 

in the hall 

or in the yard

loved my kit of gloves, pads and bocs

even went to games

with dear old nonno and his uova scozzesi

then with friends

a heaving G was always a good day out with mates

but the purile idiocy of commercial tv has long made in unwatchable

not to mention all the mindless wank 

of dancing girls and oily soaked chicken

plus the plastic gimmickry and commentators who put the boof

into utter imbecilic boofhead blokery

put me right off

at least dear old nonnos tip of muting the telly

and listening on aunty

set me up

ive long since stopped bothering with the screeching commerciality of msm telly

even on mute

whatever those fuckwits are pedalling

in the crudest of manner

is something i want nothing to do with

but an afternoon of clicking into the red crystal setter

to hear the gentle murmur of the crowd

the occasional yelps from the players

and the unpretentious chatter of the aunty's commentators

is a most relaxing soporific

whats more

i now have a connexion and real love of hindustanilandia

and found it a great way to bond with the man on the street/train/taxi/restaurant/fucking everywhere...

'oh you are from there? what do you think about (insert obscure player)?

whose encyclodpaedic knowledge 

soon showed up my shallow and dated offerings

haan!

Prisencolinensinainciusol

nei primi anni settanta

adriano celentano, il mito della musica italiana aveva un idea

dopo avere osservato che gli italiani giovani erano ossessionati dalla musica americana

e' rimasto convinto che gli piacerebbe qualsiasi canzone 

se il testo fosse in inglese americano

cosi in 1972 ha registrato un brano pieno di testi che sembravano inglese

pero erano un nonsenso intero

e l'ha publicato in europa

ed aveva ragione!

la canzone e' arrivato nei top 10 di 4 paesi europei

incluso a no.4 in italia.

(ovviamente il suo progetto e stato aiutato da un ritmo pazzesco e la sua danza eccezionale!) 

do you bouba?

 

The bouba/kiki effect involves mapping between speech sounds and the visual shape of objects. This effect was first observed in 1929. In psychological experiments first conducted on the island of Tenerife (joder), Köhler showed forms similar to those shown above and asked participants which shape was called "takete" and which was called "baluba". Köhler observed that there was a strong preference to pair the jagged shape with "takete" and the rounded shape with "baluba".

In 2001, Köhler's experiment was repeated using the words "kiki" and "bouba" and asking gringo college undergraduates and Tamil speakers in India "Which of these shapes is bouba and which is kiki?" In both groups, 95% to 98% selected the curvy shape as "bouba" and the jagged one as "kiki", suggesting that the human brain somehow attaches abstract meanings to the shapes and sounds in a consistent way.

so there.

gwyr - castell Llanarthbodu a tri clogwyni

just outside of abertawe

is the penhryn gwyr

one of my favourite places on earth

its not the wildest

or most dramatic nature you can find

in less densely inhabited areas

but its chilly waves 

crashing onto rocky cliffs and lapping sandy beaches

with spectacular castle ruins

(bloody saesnegs!)

make it indeed an Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty

diolch cymru!

paris 2024 sera olympic boogaloo

 

va aux

pour la ennieme fois

les jeux olimpiques font les ridicules

ils ont annonce que breakdance

fera partie des jeux de 2024 a paris

zut!

si vous croyiez que l'introduction de mountain biking

etait une betise pour l'excellence

donc

pensez vous au nouveau!

il y auront des 'athletes'

qui dancent sur leur tetes

aux prochaines jeux

a la ville lumiere...

They're looking for Jesus, They're looking for more

mental mental chicken rental

coulda, shoulda, woulda no. 3 - Great Zimbabwe

how often do you get to zimbabwe?

not a lot

probably about none

thats how many times youve got to zimbabwe

i did hang out there once

its a staggeringly beautiful country

although desperately poor of late

with plenty of ancient history

but we dont hear about it coz

you know

toss toss

white people invented culture and civilisation

prestor john etc

i was too lazy to read up on it all

busy bricking it about doing a bungy jump

the monumentalist site is great zimbabwe

which i only discovered in a documentary many years later

Beavis & Butthead do no.6- poison

this is so horrible i cant even begin to talk about how much this sucks

words from the front

apocryphal

obsequious

risible

solipsism

grandiloquent

in una camera funeraria del 2500 ac

 

molti anni fa 

uno stronzo mi ha detto che se si alza un sasso in qualsiasi parte del mondo 

ci sarebbe un italiano

beh

aveva ragione

dentro uno dei mucchi di sassi piu grande del mondo

il piramide di khafre a giza, egitto

nella camera funeraria

ho trovato questo 

(bravo belzoni, mi hai fatto sorridere)

Execution Day (all mates, all dead)

spencer p jones- the johnnys, beasts of bourbon, the nothing buts, the escape committee

conway savage-nick cave and the bad seeds etc

brian henry hooper - kim salmon and the surrealists, beasts of bourbon, charlie marshall and the body  electric

rowland s howard-crime and the city solution, the boys next door, the birthday party, these immortal souls, lydia lunch

peter jones-crowded house etc.

a true supergroup with an epic lineup that recorded the album, rumour of death.1994

omnis vale

words without wrinkles

bacchanalia

dissimulation

asinine

dissociation

quintessence

 

la dinde ne vient pas d'inde

 

just off to the bog...

going to the bog can be dangerous

over 2300 years ago

this danish bloke set off there on a chilly vinterdag 

with an early copy of the Jyllands-Posten

after a hearty meal of delicious gruel 

and just look at the state of him!

 

words just get in the way

ontology

abstruse

effrontery

myriad

nomenclature

montag ive got freytag on my mind

scheisse! 

das ist gut aber ausgeflippt!

er ist ein echtes psychopathisches arschloch!

abhoooorrr the wooorrrrrr

war is shit

but at least there have been some with comedy names

the 7 year war- when france got the itch and nobbed englands cat

 the 30 year war-when a habsburger was served with too much bourbon

 the 100 year war-which took oneupmanship to stupid levels

the boer woer-which thrilled noone

the war to end all wars (known by the hip kids as the great war)-that name aged well

the emu war-in which the emus defeated the humans despite having brains the size of gnats gonads

the war of the three sanchos-nowhere near as good as the anagrammical war of the 3 nachos

the football war- when el salvador kicked their ball into honduras garden and honduras refused to give it back

the pastry war-when the massed ranks of chocolatines fought the pains aux chocolate

the fantastic war- a trades descriptions fucker

the war of the golden stool-when the ashanti government paid off the colonist english in a most unusual manner

the war of jenkins' ear-when bob dived into an empty pool, fucked his hearing and raged through weston super mare like an incredible green welshulk

Se Fossi Marco o: come ho imparato a smettere di preoccuparmi e ad amare il congiuntivo passato

e vent'anni dopo, me lo sempre ricordo quando non ne sono sicuro...